Sunday, July 11, 2010

Dog Gone Blog!

I am blogging later than usual because I worked my second day of the dog show this morning at 6:00 AM.

This blog will be entirely about my observations of the twelve hours I worked at this dog show. Forewarning - I mean no disrespect to anyone who this may offend because I imagine it may offend some. I liked the movie Best In Show and know it was a spoof of dog shows but from what I have seen I believe it may have actually been a documentary as it pretended to be. These people live, breath, sleep and eat (no they would not do that) dogs! I am passionate about quite a few things and go to the extreme with those things occasionally where people would find me odd so I give people their odd hobbies and passions...we all have them whether we believe it or not. Everything is important to someone. Some people think I am odd for blogging and they're probably right but that's not the main reason I'm odd.

The primping-areas alone are crazy. I know I reference Wizard of Oz a lot but this was like the scene when the tin man, cowardly lion and scarecrow are getting make-overs to visit the Wiz. They are clipping and blow-drying and vacuuming hair out of the air and taping ears to look like dreadlocks... I have worked cheerleading competitions and this rivals that. At least the cheerleaders walk in on their own. These dogs are carried in and rolled in in baby carriages and strollers and shopping cart looking apparatus. I was surprised I never saw any of these dogs carried in like the Egyptian kings were carried around.

I know you have heard about dogs and their owners looking alike right? Well, it's a small percentage (maybe 24% but who was calculating) that the owner/pet look-alike factor is uncanny. There was a 350+ pound guy that if you stripped him down and put him on all-fours he could have been his Bulldog's daddy (bad mental picture - sorry). There was a guy with droopy cheeks wearing a tweed jacket with elbow patches that looked like his two Basset Hounds' brother in the MIDDLE. Ladies with hairdos that matched their poodles'. There was a tall Thor/Fabio-looking guy with long blond hair who looked like he came out of a comic book riding his Irish Wolfhound. There was a guy who didn't look like his dogs but he painted an eerie picture in my mind...he was wearing a brown jacket with his numbered dog show armband on the sleeve and he wore a tie and had black pants. He was being pulled by two German Shepards and it reminded me of every Nazi Gestapo scene I have ever seen countless films.

For you MIDDLEager's - I saw a Bud Lite Spuds MacKenzie dogs, Hushpuppy shoe dogs, Buster Brown (and his dog Tige) shoes dog, Met Life Snoopy's and a lot of McGruff the Crime Dogs. Dog's sure are used a lot in advertising aren't they? They say sex sells but maybe dogs sell.

Speaking of dogs and selling sex....I know you'll read on now....I thought this competition the last couple of days was like a tournament where you go to the end and see who the winners in each class, or each breed or best in show or something like that are. I was talking to one owner and he explained to me that it is all about getting points. The more show points your dog has the more money you get for breeding your dog. This seems like illegal prostitution and pimping activities...I have been an unwilling participant of the oldest crime (and most rewarding) to mankind. That's what they talk about when they say "it's a dog's life." That's a great thing to live a dog's life. I want to bet primped and pimped and pampered. If there is reincarnation and my vote counts I want to be a show dog that gets LOTS of points!!!

The show was fun to work and watch. I would say that if you are in the market for a dog you go to one of these shows just to see the different flavors. You can tell which dogs have the best temperaments and personalities and maybe you can figure out which dog looks the most like you. Maybe I should start a business (I'm like Ralph Cramden with my hair-brained ideas) that I could set up a booth at these shows and match your looks and personality to your perfect dog match. I'd probably call it "Dog Connection."

I have a lot more dog stuff I can write about but I will throw tidbits in subsequent blogs because my dogs are barkin' so I am going to rest and figure out how to get my treadmill downstairs so I can walk Maisy in the winter. I wonder if she smells all of the dogs on me and knows I've spent the last two days at a doggy brothel?

** best in show photo heeled from starpulse.com, dog look-a-like photo fetched from sfgate.com, buster brown and tige graphic chomped from tvacres.com & spuds mackenzie photo retrieved from bonniesteiger.com **

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