Middle Politics, Weather and Gambling

Tuesday...yes, Tuesday. Sorry I didn't blog Sunday or yesterday but we recorded the Dirty Laundry Podcast Sunday and then yesterday morning I edited it so I could get it up a day early (TWSS). I hope you did or will get a chance to listen at that link or on iTunes (Dirty Laundry Podcast).

My great friend, the distinguished gentleman from Wisconsin, John, posted on his Facebook page this morning something that's going on in my state that I didn't even know about. The Illinois Senate passed a bill (HB 2860) which allows motorcycles to basically run red lights. If  bikers wait at a red light for "a reasonable amount of time" they can run the red light as though it were a stop sign as long as there is no other traffic that should normally have the right-of-way. I realize this is because the motorcycles don't weigh as much as cars and sometimes don't register that there is anybody waiting at the light. Actually, it always drives me (no pun intended) crazy when drivers don't realize there's censors in the road and they pull up too far and never get a green light. Can you imagine peoples' faces when a motorcycle runs a red light? I believe this will lead to motor vehicle anarchy. I may get a motorcycle (not just ride Splenda's little 60cc pink scooter). For the record I think this law is stupid and will result in many more motorcycle injuries. Filbert was right...The Rapture has begun.

Yesterday we actually got a touch of Spring/Summer in the MIDDLEwest; it was a warm day. Cha Cha and Fabio and I went to MADYM and MysterYM's house; we had a great time. This morning is good so far too so I mowed the lawn already because the rain is supposed to return, of course. 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Another thing going on in Illinois, specifically in Chicago, is that casinos seem to be coming to the city and slot machines may be coming to the airports. Chicago may soon be the Las Vegas of the MIDDLEwest. Other Illinois areas that are looking for casinos are: Rockford, Lake County and Danville. I love gambling. I love Las Vegas. But I'm happy that it isn't really easy for me to gamble. Gambling being a little inconvenient is very convenient I have found. I can control my urges to gamble as long as you don't count: the state lottery, home poker games, fantasy football, fantasy golf, fantasy baseball, running red lights with my motorcycle, thirteen run pools... I bet there are some people that don't have the will-power I have. I truly hope that people who are desparate by the current climate of the economy don't make matters worse. I will lay you 5:2 that the news will soon be littered with stories of people losing everything at casinos. Just like everything, I see both sides of the issue (I am such a MIDDLE-of-the roader). The next issue will be smoking not being allowed in these new casinos - 10:1 odds on that one.



This just in....Snooki is a moron- even in Italy.

Sarah Palin is travelling around the country trying to see if it's in her best interest to run for President. I really hope she runs; she's uber-entertaining. I suppose people run for President even when they know they don't have a chance for the tax breaks and all of the freebees that come with running for office. I am pretty sure she will wanna be on the podcast.

The dryer just stopped so I gotta get another load in there because while I was not blogging the last couple of days I was also not doing laundry (except Dirty Laundry). Have a nice Tuesday and Tuesnight. TTTT...MITM (out)

Let's Learn Something from the Smores!

Hunter "Patch" Adams of The Gesundheit! Institute

Good Saturday morning. I am too lazy to get off of my bulbous butt to go get my notebook so you are gonna get whatever flows from the deep, dark, echoing caverns of my empty mind. Strap in and hold on tight. Okay, have a nice weekend and I'll blog again Monday. Just kidding - give me a moment and I will think of something.

We have had pretty good health insurance through Cha Cha's work for about 15 years or so. Of course, she pays like $400 a week out of her check or something (that is just an arbitrary number I threw out there so it may be way off but I think it's probably pretty close) so we have probably paid for our medical costs for life with interest by now. The insurance companies are doing pretty well financially I think. So, now for the first time in those many years, we are having medical claims denied that were pre-approved and had never been problems before. We do not like to go to the doctor and we try not to go unless it is a surgery or something that we cannot perform ourselves. We do have that survival self-defense mechanism. We call the insurance company and the doctor/hospital... and go back and forth and end up getting it approved. Then, after the insurance company agrees to pay it, they still don't pay it right away and the hospital/doctor... is calling us saying things like "we know you said the insurance company is going to pay it but they still haven't and we need our money." It's like the John Grisham novel The Rainmaker that became a really good movie with Matt Damon. It also reminds me of the movies A Civil Action starring John Travolta and Erin Brackovich starring Julia Roberts. I never really thought about it but there must be a reason that there is a list of movies like this a mile long. Where are the Hunter "Patch" Adams-type doctors when we need them? I know the answer is Doctors Without Borders / Médecins Sans Frontières. I don't want this to turn into a doctor or insurance bashing blog but that's what I get when I don't go to my laughing place (notebook). Visit your local chiropractor - I believe they actually are in it for the right reasons (to help us); not just for repeat business. Claws in!

Uncle Remus -  better than Santa Claus

Oh, my goodness that last Laughing Place link is gonna make me go off again I think. It's like one fuse attached to the next. Why doesn't The Walt Disney Company re-release Song of the South? I know the obvious answer that people use is because of bigotry and racism. I remember seeing the film at the theater when I was very young (maybe 7 or 8). I think that movie is part of the reason that I am so anti-discrimination-minded. The film, as I remember it, was showing how racism and prejudice were (and still are) wrong. I haven't seen the film for probably 40 years but I don't remember it as being hateful and I don't have a racist thought in my mind - ever! Give us some credit Disney. If not, get rid of all of the Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear attractions and characters at your theme parks. I think Uncle Remus was one of the most endearing characters of all time. And quit playing Zip-A-De-Doo-Dah too...you can't have it both ways! Ignoring our history doesn't make the bad parts go away. We need to see it, know it, learn from it and not repeat it!

If it doesn't rain tonight we're gonna have a fire out back I think. All are welcome. Just let me know you're coming so I can get more marshmallows, chocolate bars and graham crackers. Smores show us that different colors from very diverse backgrounds can live together in perfect harmony. Maybe I will even play Laughing Place and Zip-A-De-Do-Dah - well Roz will actually. Tomorrow is the day we will record next week's Dirty laundry Podcast so it's not too late to get your questions and comments in...I can't wait to talk about all of the hate mail (seriously, I am excited to talk about and honored that we have risen to the heights of getting hate mail). enjoy the beginning of your Memorial Day weekend and I will blog again soon (probably Monday but maybe tomorrow too?) TTT S&M (I mean S or M)...MITM (off to gather firewood for tonight) If you hated today's blog just see it, know it, learn from it and don't repeat it.

Hey Goofy, What Time is it?

Clockwise Clockwise...you're gonna kill someone!

It's Friday I'm in love....Friday does that to people doesn't it? Why do roller skating rinks make us skate counter-clockwise? Even Roller Derby goes counter-clockwise and they are "professionals." Roller skating is like the Back to the Future of excertainment (patent/trademark/copyright unless it already exists). Never mind, I just Googled it and it already exists...darn! If I weren't married I'd ask Google to marry me. She knows everything and I smart is totally hot!

I save those little Box Tops For Education dealies for Cha Cha and my friend Debbie, actually for he kids well, actually for her kids' school... I ran a cross a weird one today. Land O Lakes Spreadable Butter prints the part that you need to collect right on the lid. It's not a label on top of the lid it's actually printed on the lid. While typing this I think I figured out why. Two reasons 1) some moron might mention it on his blog and 2) when the box top gets turned into the schools it will probably pass through the hands of several people so it will be like continued advertising. I may not cut the lid up. I may just send it the way it is because that's pretty smart and they ought to get the advertising mileage out of a good idea. Just the opposite of skating counter-clockwise. Let's all go skating and skate clockwise - ATTICA, ATTICA, ATTICA!!!

I am becoming obsessed on skating. I started searching for photos for this blog and realized speed skating goes counter-clockwise too. What in the Helser is going on with skating? Wait... track and field, auto racing, horse racing, dog racing... I have a Goofy watch that I got a long time ago that has the numbers backwards and the hands go counter-clockwise. Maybe I will start wearing that watch again. I always felt like an idiot when someone asked me what time it was because I would look at my watch like I just got a brain freeze. I am getting it out of the jewelry box right after this but don't ask me what time it is. I sure do go off on tangents don't I?

Last night Fabio's team finally got a game in this week. They got rained out both Tuesday and Wednesday. Fabio pitched the final four innings but when he went in they were already losing 5-0. In his four innings he struck out eight batters and picked a guy off of second who had reached on an error. I like when he does well, duh. He also got a great hit into the gap for the second straight game. They need to start him on the mound more often because he mows 'em down.

We received The Social Network in the mail from Netflix. I didn't really care for it. It was pretty much a movie about spoiled rich kids who were jerks and fought over money that none of them really seemed to need anyway. We'll probably talk about it on this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast but now that will be pretty anti-climactic but maybe Cha Cha liked it.

The Chicago Bulls are out of the NBA play-offs and that saddens me. They are a good, young team and they will win a Championship soon. Fabio is a huge Bulls fan and he is disappointed because he said he wanted to get a Bulls' championship t-shirt; wait 'til next year (that's a well-known Chicago phrase). I promised Jay Cole that if the Heat beat the Bulls I would root for the Heat. I actually like LeBron James and hope he does win a championship. That's the reason he left Cleveland in the first place. Fabio and I took a weekend road trip to Cleveland to see him play. It turned out to be his final season there though we didn't know that at the time. I'm glad we went...Miami is a much longer drive and a ticket is probably harder to get because they are actually good. WITNESS!!!!

I am gonna hop in the shower now and shampoo my much, much shorter . Why do haircuts never make me look like the photos of male models that I show the woman cutting my hair? Maybe I need to provide a better canvas to get a MATTsterpiece? Damn antique canvas. Have a great Friday. I believe I will blog again tomorrow so I will say TTTT...MITM (out and gonna soak up the sun)
hit the obvious song here Roz what a great song and video

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!

"Some things in life are bad..."

cue the music Roz  (this is one of my favorite songs on Roz's playlist)

I came in earlier than usual to blog today so I can get off early. Actually, this is my therapy and I just fell like blogging. I am fighting the urge to use the Lucy Van Pelt "therapist is in" graphic that I often use...let's see how I do with that.

I hope this doesn't sound crass and the loss of even one life is terrible but I was surprised that only 125 people have been found dead in Joplin, Missouri thus far. I know for 125 families that is all that really matters but in a town of around 50,000 people that is 75% destroyed that seems like a great testament to the early warning systems that we have in place now. If my calculations are correct, and they rarely are, if 75% of the people were gone like 75% of the city there would have been 37,500 people dead. I always try to find the bright side of everything; even disasters. It's easier to do when you're not one of the ones directly affected. For the families of the 125 people that have been found dead so far I am sure it is impossible to find any bright side right now.

I had been fighting off a cold for the last week and, thankfully, I never really got sick. During that time I didn't work-out. I worked out again last night and my advise to you is...DON'T STOP WORKING OUT NO mattER WHAT! I know I have said it before but when you start again that first work-out is a doozy. Then I rode my bike to the store for a little extra punishment...what as dumb douche I am. I took my backpack though to help keep the planet as happy as she can be. No reason to poke an angry bear!

This morning I had to go out in the backyard and break up a fight between a couple of robins. I watched for a while hoping they would stop on their own but it kept going with the bigger one tormenting the smaller one. I am one of those weirdos that tends to put human traits on inanimate objects and other species of animals. I had in my head that it was a father robin disciplining his son or a dad chasing a boy robin he found in his daughter's bedroom early this morning. Then I thought maybe it was like a prison rape scene. No matter what it was I decided enough was enough and I went outside and they flew away in their separate directions. I am sure now the little one that I saved will just go and poop on my windshield but at least he lived another day to poop on another windshield; what other pleasures do birds have in life really?

Make sure you listen to next week's Dirty Laundry Podcast. It hasn't even been recorded yet but we got some hate mail this week - four pieces of hate mail actually. I may be looking to employ a security team soon - an A-Team of sorts. I already know who is gonna be the B.A. of the team but if you're interested send me your resume. There's a certain law enforcement official in the MIDDLEwest that I have my eye on to head-up our task force. If you don't totally hate our podcast this would be a great week to send us some non-hate mail so I can have some non-hate mail to read on the show too. It doesn't have to be "fan mail from some flounder" it could just be something positive like "at least the music of Eric Solfisburg is good" mail. In the words of Bartles and Jaymes "thank you for your support."

Thank you for your support

Last night Fabio's baseball game got rained out so I had the rare opportunity of watching a couple of television shows before 1:00 AM on the DVR. I have liked The Middle and Modern Family both since they debuted. I don't know what it is but I am getting a little bored with Modern Family. I am guessing that I am not alone because I have noticed that Sofia Vergara is showing off her natural assets a lot more than she has in past seasons probably to perk up sagging ratings (yes, those were intended). I think maybe the characters are becoming too predictable. I won't stop watching but if I miss it I don't think I will be too disappointed. The Middle, however, is getting better in my humble opinion. I think their characters are much more relate-able to us MIDDLES (makes sense I suppose). Neither matters now since the seasons have ended. I'll let you know if things change in September.

I blogged on long enough for today. The Memorial Day weekend begins very soon. I hope you have an extra day off. Our local radio station is starting their stupid A to Z Weekend tomorrow night. They play every song in their library in alphabetical order; they do this just about every holiday. They act like they're doing us a great favor. It's almost literally like phoning it in. Thank goodness for podcasts and Roz! Have a nice Thirstday. Remember, even in this rain, look on the bright side of life. TTTT...MITM

I Think My Karma is Leaking!

I know that a large number of the people who read this blog every day are ladies. I love the ladies and I hope that I do not offend any of you by blogging this but...I am really glad that Oprah is done. She always grated on my nerves for some reason. I think she was probably always trying to do the right thing but it sometimes didn't come across that way to me. A couple of weeks ago Cha Cha, Nature Girl and MADYM went to San Francisco. While there they toured some of the Napa and Sonoma wine regions. They were told a story, I believe by their tour driver, about Oprah going to an auction at Francis Ford Coppola's winery. There was an auction at the winery where all of the proceeds raised were going to go to charity. People showed up and were excited at the chance to bid on and win whatever they were auctioning off. I suppose it was some sorts of fancy wines or original scripts of The Godfather or a dream date with Sofia Coppola or those such things. Anyway, a representative of Oprah showed up and outbid everybody on everything and these people wasted their day getting outbid by a bully with endless money. I wish Bill Gates had gone there and outbid her on everything and then gave the stuff to the people who were the next highest bidders. I know Oprah probably thought it was a magnanimous thing to get lots of money for the charity but then she should have just donated money but there's not as much recognition in that. I know I am making some wide brush-stroke assumptions but that's the way I view it.Maybe it was a conspiracy - Francis Ford Copporah?

Weird Al Yankovic is coming to St. Charles, Illinois this coming Tuesday. He is going to be performing at The Arcada Theater downtown. I have made several attempts to reach him through various channels to be on the Dirty Laundry Podcast but so far I have been doing what I do best - failing. If anybody knows where he is staying or happens to be his limo driver and wants to let me ride along and interview him on-the-go that would be awesome. On-the-go interviews...maybe a new feature on Dirty Laundry. What else is he gonna be doing on Memorial Day?

There is a new show starting tomorrow on Channel 7 (WLS - TV) in Chicago called Windy City LIVE. That's the same station that Oprah started with her AM Chicago show that evolved into Oprah! They're gonna take Oprah's spot on the same station that Oprah was on and one of the hosts is Valerie Warner who disappeared for the WGN morning news about a month ago. Are they trying to catch lightning in a bottle in the same place with the same idea? Windy City Live already has nearly 3,000 "likers" on Facebook. That gives me quite a complex when we just did out 9th podcast and they're not even on yet and are kicking our bootay. I like Valerie Warner and hope the show does well. For someone who doesn't seem to like Oprah I sure do talk about her a lot - by the way, her MIDDLE name is Gail (weird huh?)

More weather-related destruction in the south and The MIDDLE yesterday. It doesn't look like it's gonna be a very good weather day today either. That Filbert dude has to be excited that there's so much going on so we forget about him bilking a lot of money out of a lot of people who probably couldn't afford it. I hope for the best for all of the people affected by the storms and infected by Filbert.

Does karma every really kick in or is that something that you have to wait for The Rapture to find out how much credit you have built up? I really would like to cash some of that stuff in. I am starting to think that karma is just something that "the haves" tell us "have-nots" exists so they can walk all over us. I am about to have a karma melt-down or eruption very soon.

Thank you for being here today; I really do appreciate that. I have noticed that the readership here has dwindled significantly lately so maybe I need to revamp the whole blog. Nah...it is what it is and I do it for me just as much as I do it for you. Gotta be karma-riffic to yourself too I think. Have a great Moist Hump Day (thanks Ed) - the sun peaked out just as I typed that...maybe that's my karma for the day :) TTTT...MITM (out?)
send em on there way cheerfully Roz

The New King of All Free Media!

Helping local hospitals to stay busy soon

I have been thinking a lot about the the tornadoes this past week. I wonder if the people in Joplin, Missouri thought that this was actually The Rapture. If you believe The Bible how do you believe anything this lunanut says? Matthew 24:36 says, "but about that day or hour no one knows" except God. But now, false prophet Filbert alludes that Christ was here this past weekend and that the judgment has begun.Now his new date is October 21st this year.

Since Spiderman on Broadway is physically hurting so many people there is a new crime fighter show heading to the stage. Batman Live has begun in London and will begin "POW"ing and "BAAAM"ing people world-wide soon.

I finally watched the season finale of Saturday Night Live last night. Justin Timberlake was the host and Lady Ga Ga was the musical guest. Timberlake is really funny and is always good on SNL. I was pleasantly surprised by Lady Ga Ga. She was in several skits in non-musical roles and one very funny one that was a musical role. This skit-genre has become one of the mainstays of Timberlake's visits to SNL. I have blogged before that Lady Ga Ga is a Madonna knock-off but as Cha Cha pointed out to me while we were watching her sing on SNL she is an Elton John knock-off too. So, she is funny but she is an amalgam Madonna/Elton John tribute act. I wish she would just be herself like she preaches in her songs. It's my feeling that she is being odd because that's what sells and, ironically, not being herself. I base this simply on my gut feeling. I also found it funny that Jimmy Fallon was on SNL for the second week in a row - is is show doing poorly or does SNL need the help? Or am I just starting stuff?

Why can I see better if I open the window blind more? Isn't that ironic a bit?

I have been writing this blog for nearly two hours. I am trying to put the finishing touches on the Dirty Laundry Podcast at the same time. Howard Stern calls himself The King of All Media but I am The King of All Free Media. I have to re-think that because must Kings don't do it for free. I have to be The Robin Hood of All Media...it's a work in progress. I have to listen to the final cut once more and then the podcast will be on iTunes and available on that Dirty Laundry Podcast link in the upper corner of this page. It should be up by noon (TWSS) MIDDLEwest Time today. It's difficult to blog and actively listen at the same time. I should probably do one at a time but I don't usually do what I should be doing which is why you get the shoddy stuff I peddle.

Maybe he could market the blog and podcast for me

I was talking to my friend, I don't know what to call him right now, which is the point of me blogging to him. Sean Combs is changing his name yet again. He has been Sean John, Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Ditty, Sean Combs,... but now he is changing his name yet again - this time to Swag (short for swagger). He is using this new name to launch some kind of new product this week  presumably to get a bunch of free hype. I can't believe he will get a bunch of free publicity just by changing his name. What kind of idiot would report on such a non-story story about somebody just changing their name for one week? Damn it I've been had again haven't I?

Enough is enough and I feel that is enough from me. Have a nice Tuesday. Make sure to catch this week's podcast with our special guest co-host Greg Weindorf. Thanks for stopping here for a few and I will let you know when your Laundry is ready! TTTT...MITM (out and uploading) TA!

Stairway to Heaven Lined with Utah Gold and Silver

I am not much of an Ethel Merman guy

Hello all of you Beyonces and Lucy Lius and Baby Dolls. You're definitely one of the three you just have to figure out which one you are. You can't go wrong with any of the three though. If you can't figure out which one you are send my a message and I will tell you which one you are. I think I am a Lucy Liu. As Lucy Liu as I am I don't think I could carry off a murban though. The murban is the new urban turban that Karl Lagerfeld is trying to peddle. I am thinking murban must come from Matt Turban maybe? Isn't that pretty much the urban sombrero? Seinfeld is more accurate than Nostradamus and Filbert (that dude that predicted The Rapture for a couple of days ago). Yet, here I blog still waiting for my Stairway To Heaven.

I heard that the goofball, Filbert, that predicted The Rapture for this past weekend has not been able to be reached to find out what went wrong. It seems that there were quite a few people that liquidated all of their worldly assets so they could give Filbert their money to advertise and spread the word. If this is truly the case isn't that fraud? How is that any different than selling snake oil? I feel for these people but in the same blogth wonder how somebody can be so gullible and naive.

Yesterday I worked another graduation; this time it was for West Aurora High School. When I worked the Northern Illinois University graduations last week I saw my old friend from my drum and bugle corps days Steve Evans who I hadn't seen in over thirty years. Yesterday I saw another friend from the drum and bugle corp days Randy Shoof. I have a couple more graduations that I am working in the next few weeks and I am wondering who else I will see from my past. That sure is a pretty cool fringe benefit. I think I may work inside a time machine vortex or something.

I'm sorry I didn't blog this weekend. It was kind of a crazy weekend with work and Fabio's baseball game. Also, Cha Cha's Aunt Louise died; I told you I would keep you update. We knew it was coming but it's still sad.

This morning I was back to my old tricks of waking up at 3:00AM. It worked out okay because we recorded this weeks podcast last night when I got off work and I got to get a lot of editing done before the sun came up. When the world doesn't end and offers you lemons make Molly Browns. I still have a lot more editing to do but it will be on iTunes tomorrow as usual...I will let you know when it's ready. Then, when it got light out and I wasn't worried about starting everyone else's mornings prematurely I made lunched, cleaned the kitchen, sanded and painted the mailbox, went over to Splenda's bike up from her work (she was forced to leave it there last night) and then I mowed the lawn. I've gotten a lot in before noon today.

My heart goes out to the people of Joplin, Missouri. The Red Cross is saying that 75% of Joplin was wiped out by the storm / tornadoes. There was also quite a bit of devastation in Minneapolis. I don't want to make light of the tragedies but here in Illinois cows were falling from the sky...literally and seriously. It seems a truck carrying cows took a ramp too quickly and tipped over on an overpass and his load of cows was being dumped onto the traffic going under him at Routes I-80 and I-294. Can you imagine knowing about all of this phony-bologna Rapture talk and see cows falling from the sky? I would totally have a cow man. This is what I get for not eating meat? I get crushed by a cow? Who was it that worshiped cows? The ancient Egyptians or was it in India? whoever it was  - they would have known it was The Rapture for certain.  I didn't hear that any people were hurt but some cows did die as you might imagine.  

Utah has legalized the use of gold and silver as currency. They have a gold and silver depository and you can give them your gold and silver and they will give you a sort of debit card where you can draw funds based on the value of the gold and silver in your account. I think that's a great idea. My friend Cornelius lives in Utah (Utah Cornelius). It sounds a lot more fair than those "we buy gold" places that have popped up everywhere to prey on the desperate. I wonder how many bottles of rum my class ring would be worth. I knew that ring would come in handy one day (no pun intended).

I had a lot of bloggin' in me after not blogging Saturday or Sunday it seems. Have a nice Post-Rapture; we're living on borrowed time now. It's like "bonus life" - use it wisely.  I am glad that you're still here and glad you came back here. I am gonna have some lunch now and get the podcast finished.  Good luck in your hideout Filbert. TTTT...MITM (un-Raptured). TA!

Happy Rapture Eve!

I like this Unabomber much more

I hate to be a Mopey Matty but I am kinda ready for the world to end tomorrow. Maybe I should get the boat out of storage today just so I can have it here in case we are under water tomorrow. But where would I go? I know it's near the end of the month and you know what that means.

I know it doesn't matter since The Rapture is tomorrow but now, since they think that Ted Kazinski (The Unabomber), was also behind the Tylenol tampering can we stop all of the over-packaging of every product known to man and bring prices of EVERYTHING back down so we can help to feed the world? It isn't enough that every bottle is wrapped in plastic that is ripped off and thrown somewhere to help destroy the planet, ironically, but then we have to take a lid off and remove the stupid other piece of planet-ruining material to get to the product we bought so we can throw away the package that is further suffocating our resources. Now, that would be "new and improved" to me. There's no way they will bring prices down. They just change the amounts that we get and charge us the same and pretend like they're doing us a favor by not raising prices. It irritates me that these companies that pretend to be our friends prey on the fears of the masses to capitalize on those fears and ruin our country in so many ways. I warned you that I was in a monthly mood....turn back now.

Where does the phrase "soft drink" come from? Liquid is soft I guess unless you hit it at a great velocity or freeze it and then it's very hard (becomes a solid). Is there varying degrees of soft drinks? I think there should be if we are gonna have soft drinks. Water should be a soft drink. Maybe juice could be a flaccid drink....

So now there is someone coming out and saying that bicycler or bicyclist Lance Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs. We've heard it before. Who Cares? I guess the dude who is saying this was a teammate of Lance's and he's trying to sell a book he wrote. If athletes and celebrities are willing to destroy their bodies for our entertainment why shouldn't we let them? Gladiators did it without compensation. I loved watching Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire battle back and forth to try to destroy the home run record. I liked watching scrawny little Barry Bonds morph into The Incredible Bulk. They are in the entertainment industry and we need entertaining. I thought that's why they got paid the big bucks - so they could afford the good body-altering juices. Were we not entertained by Charlie Sheen's shenanigans? Alcohol and drugs and entertainment go way back; it's a time-honored tradition.

He did it for our entertainment!

I hope it doesn't rain tonight especially acid rain. I am really in the mood to have a fire tonight and get "juiced." I don't think I am going to work-out today because my back is killing me. I have been fighting a cold I think and it is taking up residence in my lower back. I guess I'd rather have a backache than a headache or a stuffed-up nose. Tequila and rum can take care of a sore back but they don't cure a runny nose. If you're bored tonight and it's not raining shoot me a text and I'll let you know if the fire is on. I have a lot of booze to get rid of before The Rapture. Perhaps I will start now. Maybe booze will be the new currency and I should hoard it? Cha Cha hates hoarding unless it's in junk drawers (Dirty Laundry Podcast) so maybe I will have to dispose of it in a more delicious way. Wanna help?

Enjoy your last day on Earth (Rapture Eve). I will miss you when you ascend to Heaven without me. I am fairly certain there will be no room for me at the inn. I will celebrate your great victory. F.Y.I. your information - I don't really think The Rapture is tomorrow. I just think that Filbert is a nut with a bunch of other nut followers (actually I know Filbert is a nut). TTTT (probably)...MITM
show 'em the door Roz

The New and Improved Matt In The Middle

I am gonna start blogging but Cha Cha and I are going to go over and see Cha Cha's aunt as soon as Cha Cha's brother gets here so this may either end abruptly or I may finish it later. We got a call that Cha Cha's aunt has started the dieing process and they give her between eight and 48 hours. She just turned 94 and she hasn't been doing well for a while now. It doesn't come as much of a surprise but it's never easy to lose loved-ones. I have always admired Cha Cha's Aunt Louise. She was a college graduate (quite a feat back in her day for a woman to even go to college) and she became a teacher. She traveled the world. She was sort of the female version of Mark Twain as far as I am concerned and you know of my affinity for Sam Clemens. She kept in touch with many, many of her former students all of her life which also says a lot about her character. She is a great lady and she will be dearly missed.

Charlie Sheen and his son

I am sure that you heard Ashton Kutcher stole my gig on Two and a Half Men. I am okay with that I suppose. Demi Moore picked him over me so it makes sense. At least Bruce Willis wasn't called my father at The Golden Globe Awards. Wait, that would be a good thing for me though wouldn't it be?

I am hearing about products being "new and improved" again lately. It seems that there is a rash of "new and improved" cycles every now and then. It makes me wonder how come they were selling us junk before. Are these products really new and improved or are they just saying that to garner more attention and give them a reason to advertise again? I think I will wait awhile and we will "new and improve" the Dirty laundry Podcast. We could be better right now if we wanted to be but we will wait so we can have a reason to get more attention later. We will do the really good stuff when we feel like it's time to become "new and improved." We really are improving because we started not knowing what we were doing but I don't like to think that I was driving a car that was built by people who didn't know what they were doing. Or that I am eating food that people who didn't know what they were doing were responsible for gathering for me. "New and improved" worries me actually.

Tofu tastes like Styrofoam if you eat it all by itself. Yes, I know how Styrofoam tastes.

The Chicago Bulls fell to the Miami Heat last night. Thanks a lot for hexing The United Center Oprah! The first game between the Heat and The Bulls the other night was the most-watched NBA game in the history of cable television. 11.1 million people watched the game. That's a lot of people. 

Cha Cha's Aunt Louise, Aunt Phyllis and Grandma Mullins

I know you didn't miss me because it doesn't seem like I was gone but I just took a 2 hour and 45 minute break while writing this blog. We went over and saw Aunt Louise. I think she knew we were there. We sat at the foot of her bed and we talked about old times we had with her and we talked about her sisters (Cha Cha's grandma and other aunt) and we talked about life and death... Every now and then Louise would stir. When we went to leave we said good bye and Cha Cha went up and held her hand and Louise closed her hand. Then when Cha Cha let go Louise wiggled her fingers and opened her eyes a little like she was waving goodbye the only way she could now. It was nice and it was sad all at the same time.

That's about it for me today...I am emotionally spent. I am going to go outside now and trim a tree that seems to be dying toward the top, ironically. There are some leaves toward the bottom so I am going to saw the branches just above where the leaves are so the tree can focus on the part that is still fighting to live. We have done this procedure several times on Mattgarita Island and it has made the vegetation on the island flourish. I will think of Louise while I save this tree's life. Thanks for stopping in again. I will keep you updated on Aunt Louise because now she has touched you too because of this blog. TTTT...MITM (Johnny Appleseeding out)

The Rapture - Like a Matt Outta Hell

cue today's theme Roz!
Today is my 404th blog. Too bad that Earth will begin it's decline to the end on Saturday according to some nut. I need only 66 more blogs to become a professional blogger (figures I'd be two-thirds of the sign of the beast away). Maybe I need to double up a few days to enjoy the status of professional as long as I can. I made that whole "professional" talk up so I could be one of the cool kids for the final days of Earth. Like blogging is "cool" LOL. I wanna be one of the cool nerds!

I wonder if she'd be on the podcast?

Christian radio broadcaster and president of Family Radio Harold Camping ( I will call him Filbert) has decided that Saturday is the beginning of the final days of Earth. Filbert has used his mathematical predictions applied to The Bible to predict dates for the end of the world. Filbert says that The Rapture will be May 21st, 2011 and that God will destroy the Universe five months later on October 21st. What about Halloween? Rapture is the day that Christ is supposed to return to Earth I believe. Filbert's last prediction of The Rapture was for September 1994. Does he own stocks in junk food and alcohol companies and feels this will boost sales? I may have missed it but I don't believe that The Lord arrived in 1994 but that was a very busy year for me. I need to start making some nutty predictions so I can get the word of the blog and the Dirty Laundry Podcast out there. Even if I do make a goofy prediction how do I reach everyone like this goofball Filbert? I need to be president of some important-sounding company like Family Podcasters Network (FPN). Filbert is 89 years old so maybe he's just talking about his personal end of time? Here is my first loony prediction since this announcement - THE WORLD WILL GO ON PAST OCTOBER 22nd, 2011! (if it doesn't, sue me)

I'm gonna work-out today, as scheduled, so if I am wrong and the end of the world as we know it doesn't begin Saturday I will be in good shape and I'll feel fine. I want to endure the pain and suffering as long as possible.


Speaking of feeling fine, I do, but I called Biolife Plasma Services last night to see if they found out why I was "out of range" to donate plasma before I went over today for my appointment. I guess it would have been too much to ask for them to call me as they said they would. Apparently, my suspicions were correct and my protein level was too low. The woman I spoke with said that my protein level was 55 and the minimum to donate is 60 and I cannot even try again until June 4th. I am contemplating starting to eat meat again and maybe not donating plasma anymore. I may go back to donating blood instead. I like to help the humans and felt like I was helping more by donating twice a week every week rather than once every eight weeks (the max for blood donations). I have lots of soul- searching to do before my soul is judged Saturday. If you need bone marrow or anything else let me know...I'm game.

Night Shift -  Batman and The Fonz

Maybe Oprah should have waited until Saturday to record her final shows; she could have had The Lord as a guest. Very bad Faux Prah! (patent/trademark/copyright).

I thought of a great idea for a new business but the business would have to be a female-run business as I envision it. Maybe I could start it and run it; kind of like a Mary Kay or a Pampered Chef or something and I would just sell franchises and manage the "consultants." Okay, I am just gonna put it out there and tell me what you think. I, as the "facilitator" or "agent," would give my "consultants/experts" a list of clients. Their clients would be mainly men and they would pay them to "teach" them how to make their ladies happy. They would then, in turn, pay me a percentage for each of their "clients" that they "helped." There have been similar kinds of businesses since the beginning of time but I am sure this could work. These business models seem to do well in poor economic times like we are experiencing now. What color cars do you think I should give the "top performers?" I have to work on a training program that I would personally facilitate. Maybe it could become a reality show too huh?

enough nonsense - time to feel the burn. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great Humperdinck Day. Make sure you catch the podcast (just click that link in the upper right there or go to Dirty Laundry Podcast on iTunes) before they're gone. TTTT....MITM (out like a Matt Outta Hell)
cue us outta here Roz!

Happy Visakah Puja!

 The Agitator & The Awakened One!

cue up some relaxation Roz!
Happy Visakah Puja! Or is it Merry Visakah Puja? I extend this universal peace to all man and womankind. Visakah Puja is the day that is set aside to celebrate the birth of The Buddha. I am a huge fan of The Buddha. How can you not like The Buddha? Happy birthday Bruddha!

Labor Day is only four months away so this is very timely news. Jerry Lewis has announced that this year will be his last The Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon. Does it officially have his name in the title or is that just because he started it and has been doing it forever? Will it now be known as The Ron Palillo MDA Labor Day Telethon? I haven't heard anything about Ron Palillo having anything to do with the telethon but for some reason his name came to my fingers (that doesn't sound right). Why is Jerry announcing that he is leaving now? Does he think that will generate news for the next four months leading up to the telethon? Is he trying to get on Oprah's last show? He wants to get onto the Dirty Laundry Podcast doesn't he? A podcast that will be available on iTunes today, incidentally! The podcast episode that goes up today was recorded two days ago Jerry - your timing is a little off. You already made the blog; I fell right into your trap.

I guess Maria and Arnold split up for more reasons than The Governator cartoon as I mentioned here last week. I wasn't at liberty to say until now, mainly because I didn't know until today, that Arnold fathered a child with a long-time domestic employee at their house over ten years ago. Was that a job benefit or a work requirement do you suppose? It makes perfect sense. Newt Gingrich had affairs because of his patriotism and Arnold seems patriotic. Maybe it's a Republican thing? No, I guess at least one of Maria's uber-famous uncles and her grandfather were widely-said to have had trysts. It must be a politician-thing.

I'm a bit more chiseled but that's okay!

You know how I say that I am 53% testosterone and 47% estrogen? Well, the scales may tip slightly more toward the estrogen side I fear. I went today to refill my little case of vitamins for the week and I filled: the C and the D and the B-12 and the Magnesium and the Calcium and the Potassium Gluconate and the Iron  and the L - Lycine and then I got to my One-A-Day For Men and the bottle was empty. I decided to use Cha Cha's womens' multi-vitamins instead. I am thinking I may morph. I already have moobs (Matt Boobs) what will be next? At least I will have something to blog about no MATTer what happens. If it goes very wrong just know that I think Kevin Bacon would be great to play the role of me. Who wouldn't want to be zero degrees from Kevin Bacon? Until I become a broad (I can use that term because I am gonna be one soon) then I think Keisha Knight-Pullium should play me. I thought of her the same way I thought of Ron Palillo - she just popped in there.

Have a nice Buddha Day because the world is supposed to end Saturday and I feel fine. Thanks for hipping me to that Shawn. I will tell you about that tomorrow because I still have four blogs to do before then. Odd how this blog started with Buddha and finishes with the end of the world. We are all but shadows and dust! Thanks for being here again. I will let you know later today when the podcast is ready. TTTT...MITM (out but not forgotten).
hit it Roz!

Interloping Dead Presidents

cue some music Roz

Use your cap wisely

This is a Monday that feels like a Monday. I hope I remember how to blog because it's been a couple of days. I worked four graduations within a 26 hour period and saw an old friend (Steve) from my yute at work. I slept pretty well last night. After I got off of work on Saturnight I got to go to the next town over and see the second half of Fabio's game. It was great after working for 14 hours to stand in the 48 degree rain and watch baseball. What the Helser is going on with this weather? I am gonna get the boat out of storage soon but am fearful that it may be a waste of time living in the frigid MIDDLEwest.

I think there may be some deception in the liquid detergent industry. The cap has three lines on the inside that we are supposed to decide where to fill the detergent to depending on the size of our load (TWSS). But then the cap has quite a bit of room above the highest load line. Do you think that they hope that we will use more detergent than we need to use so we have to buy detergent sooner than we should have to? I guess that wouldn't be deception, rather trickery or sneakery. They hope that when people get to my accelerated age that we cannot see those little lines or that tiny writing to let us know what we should be doing so I thought I had better blog that to my other MIDDLE-aged friends.

I have a new hobby that I am very proud of - - interloping. I think I am really getting good at it and I hope to make it a career soon. I don't even need a ladder to interlope most of the time. The Interloper might be a good super hero (patent/trademark/copyright). His/her side kick could be The Agitator.

I wish they were photos of dead Presidents!

Cha Cha has been looking for a particular photo and cannot find it. It's like looking for a photo of a needle in a house filled with photos of many, many kinds of needles in different haystacks. So, I have been trying to help her find this photo and have been looking at photos of: when we were younger and when we took the kids on cool vacations and photos of people I don't have any idea who they are and photos of our old house... and it makes me start to wander in the mind. I guess that's what photos' main purpose is so, well done photos you're doing your jobs swimmingly. I can look at the same photo and in one instant I remember all of the great times surrounding that photo and in the next instant become depressed that if we had done this or had done that things would be better now. But then I think if we had done this or if we had done that things could have been worse because we wouldn't have met so-and-so and we would have probably done what-and-what... I am way too nostalgic I think but that may also be one of my greatest strengths. ??????? I wish we would have stayed in our old house sometimes because it was paid off but then I wonder if the kids would have met different people and their lives would be worse or better or the same? I guess that's why I like to write because when I write I can make anything true or any way I want them to be if even just for a short time. Maybe I podcast and blog to escape? No, because I podcast and blog about my life so I guess if I were trying to escape I'm not too bright (no editorial comment needed from you here but thanks for the offer). 

I just got done mowing the lawn and I did it in shorts because that's my privilege as an American. At first I thought it may have been a bad choice but I soon got used to the chilly wind and if I am gonna live in this MIDDLEwest tundra I'd better get my Spring/Summer hide seasoned so I can handle the sub-zero Summer weather. I am doing laundry now because while I have been AWOL since last Tuesday it really piled up. Now I am going to edit the podcast that Cha Cha and I recorded yesterday so I can have it on iTunes tomorrow...I will let you know when it's up (TWHS). Fabio has a game at 8 tonight in DeKalb if you're bored and feel like hanging with an interloper. Thanks for stopping by again today - I missed you. TTTT...MITM (out)

Stop and Smell the Rainbows!

This is one of the thousand rainbows we saw in Hawaii

cue the music Roz
I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I think it must be car-lag. I don't think I am tired but I don't feel like I'm not tired either. Maybe it's just Friday The Thirteenth. I have always been a triskaidekamaniac so I doubt that is the problem. It may come from the fact that the last two days' blogs are gone. I know they existed because they still appear on my Facebook page with people having commented on them? Was I on a weirder road trip than I remember? Seriously, I didn't do anything to delete them but they are done.

Last night while I was bringing Splenda home from school I saw a rainbow while we were passing through Bloomington. I slowed down to get a look at the rainbow because I am that kinda guy...how can you not love a good rainbow? while I was slowing down to look at the rainbow a State Trooper pulled over another car that was speeding. Could that rainbow have been a part of an elaborate speed trap? Sometimes it pays to slow down and smell the rainbows. Thanks to ROY G. BIV (that's the rainbow's name) we made it home in record time again without incident.

I have to be at work in about three hours and then again tomorrow morning at 5:30. After this busy weekend the hours will begin to slow down as we don't have many events going on during the summer. Hopefully I will hear from one of those other two prospects again soon. Rainbows!!!

Doesn't it look like fun?

There is a "store" in the MIDDLE of nowhere in Southern Illinois just off of Route 57 called Adult Time. I probably don't have to tell you what kind of an establishment it is based on the name. Every time I have passed I have noticed that there's one or two cars there and an occasional truck. I don't know if they have a busy season but it never appears to be doing a very good business as I pass by at 80 miles per hour. There was one time when Cha Cha was taking Splenda down to school without me for some reason and Splenda remarked that it's too bad that the store isn't a couple of towns south in the town of Dix, Illinois. Every time I drive by Adult Time now I think it should be in Dix now. If they want to grow their business (TWSS) they should remember the number one rule of retail...location, location, location or maybe they are going for the ghost town look. The slogans would be endless too if they were in Dix. I have several but I will let you be your own marketing expert.

I noticed that "test pavement" in southern Illinois smells like crap. Then I got a bit further and realized that was a pig farm near the test pavement.

Is one Lay's potato chip a Lay? 

I gotta get some things done before I get ready for work so I had better wrap it up. I am pretty sure that I will not blog tomorrow since I work at 5:30 Am until who knows when and then hopefully I will get to see some of Fabio's game in Sycamore tomorrow evening. Sunday I should be able to blog though we will be recording the Dirty Laundry Podcast (Free on iTunes) and I may be totally wiped-out but I will try. Have a great Frinight and Saturday and Saturnight. TTTSu or M.... MITM (out)

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Travel day two. The part of travelling alone that I always loved was being able to do what I wanted to do without the fear that I am inconveniencing someone else. This trip is a little different in that now I have to wait for the next and final leg of this part of the trip. I am a morning person and like to get up and get going so I am happy I have you to blog to; thank you. If anyone has been trying to get ahold of me by phone I am not able to get a signal this morning...that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
I fueled up the 4Runner yesterday when I got here and I was very excited to pay only $3.99/gallon. Then I started to think, "those jerks have talked about possibly $5 and $6 a gallon so now I am excited about $3.99 per gallon." If I didn't have all of the stuff to bring back with me it would have been much cheaper to take the train me thinks. I would, at the very least, have brought the HHR. I recently heard that gas prices are supposed to drop by 50 or 60 cents within the next month. Wow, it will only be $3.50 per gallon? They have totally horn-swaggled us. Our thinking has become askew.

I am right in the MIDDLE of the area where the Mississippi River is flowing backwards right now. I heard that 17 of the 19 casinos on The Missippi have been forced to close and the river is washing away thousands of acres of farm land. Arkansas, from what I heard on the radio, provides America with a very large percentage of our rice in this country. Most of those fields are in fear of washing away. The Earth is telling us to get our acts together quickly. We need to harnass the wind and the water and the sun to begin conserving our natural resources. We always say "send us a sign" - how many signs do we need to be sent before we believe they are signs?  I am still doing my small part to reduce, reuse, recycle where I can. In the words of Ben Franklin. "a small leak can sink a mighty ship" or something along those lines. I also feel that a several small repairs can save a repair a mighty ship before it sinks. Our ship is taking on water faster and faster and we need all hands on deck to do their part before we go the way of the Titanic.

Last night I missed one of Fabio's games. He called me at 10:00 last night while I still had a signal. I told him to call me after the game. It sounds like they rebounded after their last terrible outing. Fabio was the starting pitcher and got the win as they won 14-5. Fabio had a bases-loaded double that scored three runs so he was pretty happy. I'm glad they could build and learn from the whippin' they took last week.

Travelling gives me too much time to think. Ben Franklin was a traveller wasn't he? Idle minds are the blog's wokshop.

Yesterday I wrote about how I thought Troy Grove should become a commercial tribute to Wild Bill Hickock. My first thought this morning was about me blogging that yesterday. I think Troy Grove should just stay Troy Grove. We need to learn from little bitty Troy Grove, Illinois and stop the greed. How can we agree on things as a nation when I can't even agree with myself on these issues?

Thanks for stoppin' in again. I have got to get in the shower 'cause that old highway's a callin' right after a couple of hours of loading up the covered wagon. Have a nice Thursday. I will be able to blog tomorrow but Saturday I have to work somewhere between 12 - 20 hours and then Fabio has a game Saturday night. So I doubt that I will be able to blog Saturday. TTTT...MITM (soon to be out of the MIDDLEsouth).

Pround to be an Ameican Traveler



That's the Spirit!



I have reached my destination in pretty good time and it is hotter than Hades here. Some people call it Hell I call it Hades. It was a good thing that it was hot at home yesterday so I got broken in a bit. I am not supposed to be able to check into the hotel for another hour but when I told them who I was and that I need to blog for you they checked me in early; they even gave me a coupon good for three free drinks. My hotel is on DeYoung Street - did you hear that MADYM?

While I was driving here I realized that I really love America. I already knew that but it was reenfoced time and again driving today. We really do take a lot of things for granted; at least I do. Travelling free and being able to go from state to state (most larger than many countries) and not having to produce papers to cross the borders. I didn't cross any in my 5 1/2 hour drive but I could have if I wanted to. We have the freedom to drive in vehicles that look like green refrigerator boxes if we want to. I also learned that I can control my own ego-system in my vehicle. I apparently like it very loud and 76 degrees fahrenheit exactly. Makes sense that I would like 76 degrees since I love America so much. I thought that maybe I was just settling for 76 because of the America thing but 75 was too cold and 77 was too stuffy - proud the be a 76'er.

When I began my trip south this morning I realized that most every time I head south I think of James Butler Hickock (Wild Bill). He was born in a little town just south of my MIDDLEwestern to. He is from Troy Grove, Illinois. They have a small monument in their town square but I would think they would build on that to bring some tourist money to Troy Grove. But then I look around and they have no place to buy anything so I guess the extra traffic would be a nuisance. Some enterprising young whipper-snapper should set up a lemonade stand and then get the traffic to head into town. If you lemonade it they will come.

The original Vin Diesel

I know this blog today is becoming more of a Frohmer's Travel Blog but that's what I did today so that's what I blog (life in the MIDDLE). I wrote in my book "how do animals survive in the wild without rear-view mirrors?" Whenever I pass a Kojak with a Kodak or a smokey in a plain brown wrapper I intantly look in my rear-view mirror to see if he is in pursuit of me so I can take evasive actions like firing flares or something. Animals would have a much better survival-rate if they knew that leopard was on their tail (literally).

I will probably blog earlier tomorrow because I think I will blog before I head out in the morning. If I don't that means I am either dead or I will blog you later in the day. Man, if I don't blog in the morning that will be a heck of a cliff-hanger (hopefully NOT literally). Have a nice Wedsnight and I will probably blog you tomorrow...the suspense builds. TTT????? MITM (out?)

The Blogger is on the Move Again!

Man, when is this warm weather gonna be over? Just kidding - I LOVE IT!

I heard that The Governator and Maria are "amicably" splitting up. I am surprised that they stayed together as long as they did. He's a die-hard Republican and she is a Kennedy. Who did they think they were James Carville and Mary Matalin? I think the last straw for Maria was probably when The Governator cartoon was announced. It's difficult enough to be married to Conan the Barbarian and The Terminator and The Running Man and Dutch in Predator but when he really becomes a cartoon that's gotta be the last straw for a Kennedy I imagine. Sweety, my family has suffered enough tragedy for this country I can't do this to them, hasta la visa baby!

I mentioned it on the podcast that is on iTunes now (started today) that I have been watching a soap opera on Netflix for the last couple of weeks while working-out. It's called Spartacus. It isn't really a soap opera in the sense that we know them but it really is exactly the same with LOTS more soap (sex) and LOTS more opera (blood and violence). If you're comfortable with blood and sex I highly recommend it. The violence is VERY graphic, which I consider awesome because I am sure that's the way the times were, and the sex is VERY steamy, which I consider even more awesome because that's the way I wish times were. Seriously, if you decide to watch it make sure the kids aren't around because they would love it long time but you'd have lots of esplainin' to do. I just finished episode six...don't tell me what happens. The plot is never very difficult to figure out, quite frankly, but it's fun to watch anyway.

I mowed the lawn today and mowed it diagonally. I do that quite often but this time I went the opposite diagonal direction than I did last week and it looks like a Major League Baseball field's outfield with the cross-stitching look. I didn't cut our family name into the lawn like they do for the MLB All-Star Game or anything just the regular checker-board pattern. I always mix up the direction I mow the yard because somewhere in my head I decided that it's better for the lawn to do it that way. There's a lot of things in my head that are probably not true but I know they're right so they're right.

Gnoming the highways very soon!

Tomorrow I go on a road trip alone. Cha Cha would probably call me a hobo (this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast reference). I love traveling. I don't care if it's in a  car, by train, by bicycle, by foot, by plane... I think that comes from being in drum and bugle corps as a kid. I would spend every summer traveling back and forth across the country with a lot of good friends who are still friends today (thanks Facebook). I enjoy traveling alone a lot of times too because I don't have to stop because "I'm hungry" or "I have to go to the bathroom..." I can make good time and if I get to where I am going and there's a problem with my hotel I wouldn't even mind sleeping in the car; it's better than the a smell gymnasium floor. I love meeting people and I love seeing new things and I love the unexpected (within reason). I would say I have more of a gypsy or a hippy spirit than that of a hobo. If Travelocity ever makes a movie about The Gnome I think I should play that little bearded dude.

I will try to blog tomorrow from day one's destination. Don't worry, I will be back in time to record next weeks Dirty Laundry with Cha Cha and this time I will be the travel reporter (this week she talks  about her San Francisco trip). Make sure you listen to this week's podcast...I really want to crack the top ten in our category this week and I need your help. If you haven't listened yet it's a free podcast on iTunes - just search Dirty Laundry Podcast on iTunes or click the link in the upper right corner of this blog page to listen now. Thanks for stopping here today and I will blog you again tomorrow from parts unknown. TTTT...MITM (for now).

Spread the Girth Around the Earth!!!!

Ba Da Ba Da Da Da 'em Roz

Howzit? I hope you have had a good day so far. The day kinda got away from me in a hurry today but I thought about you and blogging you the whole time (TWHS). while I was driving over to take my mom her Mother's Days presents and take her to lunch I was thinking about the days of the week. I don't have to list them because I know you know them by heart. I was thinking to myself, "self, why do we call Monday night Monday night? Why do we call Tuesday night Tuesday night...?" Since we have become a society that cannot wait for anything (photos to be developed, things to download, to wait to get home to call someone, to stop driving until we text someone...) I have discovered a way to speed up talking the nights of the week. From now on I want to call the nights of the week: Monnight, Tuesnight, Wedsnight, Thursnight, Frinight, Saturnight and Sunnight. I know I will forget so remind me when I do it wrong. Sunnight seems weird but so does Moonday I suppose.

Thank you to everyone who read Saturday's blog even if you didn't read it until Satnight. I happened to wake up early Saturday morning and decided to blog and it was one of my most-read blogs to date. I guess I touched on a topic that people were passionate about. Maybe I need to discuss issues more because people started passing the blog on (Kevin and Pam come to mind). Thank you for all of the feedback; I may have gotten more "followers" because of a blog that almost never was. That's kind of the way life and a box of chocolates are in general. Now I have added pressure to be philosophical and introspective.  Nah...I'll just keep blogging what I blog and I will occasionally find a nut once in awhile.

Fatten 'em up mini colonels (上校) !

Are there too many drivers now or are there just a lot more bad ones? I have noticed an increased number of people doing U-turns in the MIDDLES of intersections and more and more people driving the wrong way in parking lots.Is it because we have become a culture of people who are gonna do whatever we want to do whenever we want to do it? I'm not bloggin' I'm just bloggin'.

While I was cleaning up the kitchen this weekend I had The Kentucky Derby on the television. A Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial came on. I thought how funny it was that there was a KENTUCKY Fried Chicken commercial on during The KENTUCKY Derby. I normally don't pay much attention to commercials but these geniuses of commercial-placement got my attention (drat). Anyway, the commercial began asking what the most popular chicken in China was. Was it Lo Mein Chicken, was it Sweet and Sour Chicken, was it McDonald's chicken...no it was KFC. They then mentioned how they are bigger than McDonald's in China (they may have just been talking about chicken sales, I don't know). Then I thought...McDonald's and KFC are helping bring back some of the labor we are losing to China, eventually. It may take awhile but America seems to be on a health-kick (great) so these companies are getting their sales from where all of our labor has one. Give them about ten years or so and the Chinese people will be fat and lazy and we will all be thin and healthy. It's The Circle of Obesity! These companies aren't greedy - they're real American heroes! Spread the girth around the Earth dudes!!! (patent/trademark/copyright).

Thanks for stopping by. I should have the new podcast up tomorrow. If you haven't heard our podcast give it a listen - Dirty Laundry Podcast on iTunes or click the Dirty Laundry Podcast tab in the top right margin of this blog. The podcast is better than the blog because it includes Cha Cha. I will let you know when LOAD SE7EN is ready. Have a nice Monnight (I remembered) and I'll blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out to get thin so I can help take our economy back).

If You're Closed-Minded STOP READING NOW!!!

hit it Roz!!!
Well, I guess I will blog this weekend after all. When you can't sleep and you just lie there thinking (stupid brain) you might as well blog - that's what I always say. Actually, I never say that and that's the first time I thought it but I'm gonna say it occasionally now! Today's the saddest day of most vacations for Cha Cha and the other Angels. It's the day that they come back home. Sometimes it's okay to come home from vacation but leaving San Francisco to come home to Illinois when it still feels like a mild winter here doesn't make it that much fun.

Happy children should be our #1 goal

     I didn't even bring my notebook into the office / Dirty Laundry Studio this morning because it wasn't originally my intention to blog so you get whatever comes to my limp noodle of a brain this morning.

Tomorrow's Mother's Day. A happy day to all of you mothers and you bad mothas (shut cho mouth) too. Even if you're not a mother or your mother is gone or you don't speak to your mother that's no reason not so celebrate and have a mimosa or two. Celebrate Mother Earth or the memory of Mother Teresa of Calcutta or Mother Nature or salute that mother who cuts you off in traffic or Mother England... Always use any opportunity to celebrate; what else have we got really?

Atlantic City has it's very first gay club inside a casino. The Prohibition Club is now open at Resorts Casino Hotel. As long as it's not discriminating against the not-so-happy I think that's awesome. I am sure there will be old people walking down the boardwalk and they will stop in there for a drink because they think it's a 1930's-themed bar and they will not realize it's a gay club and they will have stories for the rest of their lives...those are great memories. Cha Cha always tells the story of her grandmother (Mother's Day throw-back - good huh?) walking into The Paperback Grotto when Cha Cha was a kid. She was going in to look for a romance novel or a how-to book and found a little more romance and know-how than she was willing to read. The Paperback Grotto is our adult bookstore in town here. Do they even have books in there?

I am going to get political and religious and very opinionated now so faint-of-heart and closed-minded please turn away now. In the state that I live in but am getting tired of for so many reasons (mostly weather-related), Illinois, one of the largest adoption agencies, Catholic Charities, is threatening to turn away couples, against Illinois law, that would become loving parents to children without homes. This group has over 3,000 children in its foster care program yet, when civil unions between same-sex partners officially become legal in Illinois June 1st, they are refusing to place these children in need of a home with these couples. Is Illinois going to stop funding this group the $30,000,000 ($30 Million) a year they give them for providing this foster program? In a press release Executive Director of The Civil Rights Agenda, Anthony Martinez, wrote, “If an organization receives state funding they must serve all residents of that state equally... I don’t want my tax dollars to fund discrimination in any form, and that is exactly what the Catholic Charities are asking for: the right to discriminate.” Religion is supposed to teach love and caring and compassion as I see it. I feel that people who are opposed to civil unions have sex on the mind. Marriage (civil unions) are not about sex. Just like heterosexual marriages, I imagine, that part of the union slows down considerably after you become unionized. Sorry, I don't mean to make light of this but that's my nature. I think that any two people who can provide for a child and give a nurturing, loving home to make a better life for that child should be given that opportunity and privilege. Hasn't Modern Family taught us anything?  I bet Jesus would not have turned anyone away who needed help...especially a child. It wasn't that long ago in this country when people who were Catholic were discriminated against in America because some people didn't agree with their views.

Once again television must teach us love and caring

Well, my soap box is empty. I hope even if you disagree with me you will still return because I know you are intelligent enough to know that we all have different opinions and views and that's why our people came to America. I think that's one of our great strengths as a nation. For not going to blog this weekend I surely did blog with some gusto today. I guess I should have gone and gotten my notebook. Have a great Mother's Day to all of you moms whether you are: a "traditional" mom, a civil-union "mom", a grandmother who has become a mom again for whatever reason, the mom of a dog or a bird or a fish, a single-father who is both mom and dad now, a single mom just making end's meet, a step-mom, a foster mom... Mother's are one of the best inventions of all time.
hit it again (but a little differently)Roz