Tee Many Martoonies!

Wow, it's morning already. I have had several mai tais so forgive me if I go astray. You missed a heck of a bon-fire unless you were here then you had a great time. My daughter had quite a few friends over and I stayed outside in the shadows because if there was any problems with the neighbors I could take the heat but I guess it was thought that I was spying on them which I was not. I was no where near them but trying to make sure they had fun...my bad I guess.

Last night I made a mistake and only took one Benadryl and that was useless...two Benadryls is the trick but not tonight since I had tee many martoonies (just kidding on the "two many martinis" joke). I thought I was a cool dad with the Lady Gaga and Black Eyed Peas... music but I think I may be mistaken.

My son has apparently started a chop shop. He bought a bike at a garage sale and has repainted it about four times today (yesterday now actually). I wouldn't be surprised if he starts the next West Coast or Orange County Choppers some day. The bike looks pretty good though my lawn is now polka-dotted with black and gray and red and purple and white spots.

Remember last night I packed Sugar Momma's lunch for her for work? Well, she worked from home Friday. Why do I even bother being so awesome? Awesome is as awesome does but man I want to be awesome to serve a purpose. If you need a little awesome in your life let me know; I am looking for a reason to continue being awesome. Drunk blogging may not be a good idea for me huh?

Does anybody belong to Netflix (ca-ching)? I am thinking about joining but I want to make sure it's as good as it sounds. Usually when something sounds too good to be true it is too good to be true. But, when other companies start to use company's names in their advertisements it's time to start taking those companies seriously. Direct TV is talking about how they are better than Netflix (double-ching) for new releases. I probably wouldn't even have looked at Netflix (triple-ching) until they mentioned them so...your bad! If you are members of Netflix (quadruple-ching) please let me know how that works out for you.

Sounds like Simon Cowell is even smarter than I gave him credit for. He quit American Idol and now Ellen has quit and supposedly Kara has been fired. It seems like Simon knew the show had run it's course and he got out while the getting was good. Now the entire show is falling apart. I predict American Idol has maybe one year left at best. Simon was the glue that held that phenomenon together, and you thought it was Ryan Seacrest.

Okay, I am seeing double and I have to work later tonight so I had better get some sleep. Thanks for tuning in to this addition of Matt In The Middle. Sorry you missed out on my mai tais and I will probably be even sorrier when I realize that didn't and I wake up and have to clean the back yard "alone again, naturally." Enjoy your Saturday and I will blog you again sometime Sunday.

** no photos today **

Drew Carey May Be Reading This Blog

Well, it's 9:11 PM again and here I am blogging. The Benadryl deal worked pretty well last night so I am trying the same routine tonight. It's not a workout day but I did the bike so it'll closely resemble last night I hope. I feel with actually sleeping, even if artificially induced, I had a much more productive day. Not that I did more than I usually do because I think I am pretty active every day but I didn't feel like it was so strenuous and taxing. Maybe the experts are right about getting plenty of rest huh? So, I will write this tonight again and post it first thing in the morning (already posted this morning since you are reading it).

I spent about two hours making dinner and just when I was about 90% done I remembered that Sugar Momma was going out to The White Chocolate Grill (ca-ching) in Naperville with friends from work. So, we ate and I already have her lunch packed for work. She's having a nice piece of halibut seasoned with chipotle and lime, guacamole with chips, corn salsa and the best Spanish rice she will ever have...the kids loved the rice. Neither of the kids had their halibut so fish tacos for me tomorrow...be here about noon, there's plenty! I should have taken a photo...dang it I'm such a boob. I had fixin's for strawberry shortcake too but I will make that sometime this weekend.

I designed and printed flyers for my son and a friend for their new venture (TNT Lawn Mowing). They hung the flyers on light poles and street signs but the phones are not ringing. I remember when I was about that age and wanted to mow lawns. The phones (or maybe the telegraph machines and pony express) didn't ring off the hook then either. If you do call guess whose lawnmower and gas he's gonna use? Unless he has a shop somewhere else I am guessing I will soon be able to write my garage off come tax time.

Sources close to this blog have informed us (that's the royal "us") that Drew Carey is a regular reader of Matt In The Middle; it makes sense...he's from Cleveland (MIDDLEwest). Supposedly he credits his 80 pound weight loss since January to inspirational words he read here. Mr. Carey could not be reached for comment mainly because we didn't try to contact him and the fact that he reads this blog is errouneous but he DID lost 80 pounds. Way to go Drew (I know you're reading this but you don't have to comment if you don't want to) keep up the good work.

Remember about three or four weeks ago I went to a drum and bugle corps show / reunion in Oswego? Ironically, this Saturday I am working at a drum and bugle corps show at my part-time job. It's weird how things work in life. Drum corps was huge in my life when I was a kid, it ended abruptly when our corps broke up and now there's a lot of drum corps things going on in a short period of time. There are several things that happen that way in life. Facebook seems to be making all of these things happen. I hadn't spoken to many people from high school since high school and now with Facebook I am talking to people from thirty years ago just about every day. Say what you want about Facebook but I think it's great for these reasons. Some parts make me sad though because I am getting to be pretty good friends with people I barely knew in high school; I wish I had gotten to know most of them a lot better back then. You youngsters out there in blogland - be friends with everybody in school. Life is too short not to have as many friends as you can. People and memories are all that we really have when you think about it.

I saw a help wanted ad on indeed.com for our local newspaper today so I drove over and got an application. I majored in journalism in junior college and radio-television with a journalism minor in (senior?) college. I was News Editor of the college paper, I wrote news for a television station in Rockford, I wrote feature articles for a magazine and I wrote more news stories for a few other local newspapers. Then I found out that it didn't pay so well so I followed the money. I worked at jobs I was miseable doing for money and now I want to do what I enjoy...writing. The dream of getting rich is gone and now I just want to be happy and write. Now that print is almost dead I guess it makes sense that I would try to get into it again. They will still need people to write news stories for the web won't they? I can blog the news!!! (Matt In The Middle has actually become resume/writing samples for me maybe)

Sugar Momma is home now and she didn't go to The White Chocolate Grill (double-ching) at all. They went to some place called Anna Shea Chocolates (bada-ching) in "Barrington I think." Thank goodness she came home because I would have had the Naperville Police looking for someone who went missing in "Barrington I think." She brought home a six-pack box and she brought me home a Margarita chocolate. It was satisfying and delicious. Good thing it wasn't on a dish because I was full. She said the place reminded her of the shop in the movie Chocolat. I loved that movie. I like chick flicks but I like war movies too; I am very complex. I just plain love movies! Anyway, she was probably out with a boyfriend or something but whatever makes her happy is cool with me. Life's short...do what you enjoy!

As always, this blog got away from me. I thought you might need an extra cup of coffee this morning Judii and Drew so I gave you a little extra reading today. You're welcome. It's almost midnight now so I will probably post it right at the dawn of the new day. Have a great Friday little dudes and dudettes from across the street; blog you later.

** white chocolate grill photo augustus glucked from chicagobestrestaureants.com, drew carey photo price is wronged from worldcorrespondents.com and reporter graphic plagiarized from realclearsports.com **

Hello My Name is Matt & I Love to Bloggings

Well, hello. Nice to blog you again. It's 9:11 Wednesday night and I am trying something different. I am night blogging. Sugar Momma says I need to get into a better sleeping pattern and since she is the brains of the outfit I will listen to her. Come to think of it she's the looks of the outfit too. I guess I must be the comic relief? I'll be right back; I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick...no peeking cheeky monkey. It's 9:26...I'm back. Caught you lookin' bum looker! Okay, I'm clean and I smell like coconuts and I am in my jammies wearing my old man reading glasses typing on the World's smallest laptop in my bed with my head on my big pilla. I am going to sleep tonight. I just got done working out, showered and I then took two Benadryls (ca-ching). After my usual workout I added five miles on the bike (five miles in 8:52 averaging 33 mph / 101 RPM). I will sleep tonight! I will sleep tonight!

While I was working out Sparky came down and worked out with me a bit. I was really happy he did. He's a really good baseball player and a pretty good basketball player going into eighth grade. He's almost as tall as me (I am 5'9") and according to the doctor's growth chart Ouija board (ca-ching) they use his doctor says he will be 6'2" - 6'4". Of course he will probably never play professional sports but to have fun doing it in high school and maybe getting some scholarship money for college would be fantastic. It seems like he will have the right tools if he wants to go that way. So I was happy to see him wanting to workout - another good reason for me to do it - so he will follow my example. And then Splenda came down and talked to me after she got off of work which was also nice. It made the workout go faster (distractions) and it makes me happy that our kids like to talk to us.

Seems like Benadryl makes me run-on doesn't it?

My membership request was accepted to the PRC (Paranormal Research Community). Let me know and maybe I can put in a good word for you. I hope membership has its advantages. I would love to believe in a spirit world and hope to one day but I am pretty much a skeptic and I need to see it to believe it pretty much with everything. I am extremely open-minded, however, and am ready to be convinced of anything...yes, ANYTHING!

Benadryl really work fast on me...I see it (kind of blurry but I see it) and I believe it.

Good news on Roz's condition. She pulled out of her coma or whatever she was having. I told Splenda about it and she had heard of a procedure (maybe a home remedy) that was a long-shot but cold possibly heal Roz. Now that I am a member of the PRC I figured I had an "in" and was willing to try. We simultaneously pushed the menu button and her little pink button (don't know the medical term for it) and held them until she popped out of it. FYI - there's quite a few ways I could have gone with that little pink button thing but I demonstrated great restraint. If there is any double entendre stuff going on it's on you now - shame on you cheeky monkey. Bottom line is Roz is okay and she worked out with me as usual tonight. I would have been a wreck without her.

I will still post this tomorrow morning (THIS morning for you) even though I composed it last night (actually tonight for me but last night for you - weird). It's kind of like I have my own phone booth time machine (again the PRC membership has it's advantages). Mine is more of a king size bed time machine but that could lose the PG-13 rating for this blog. Okay, enough from me.

I will blog you again tonight or tomorrow or tomorrow night...time travel carries a heavy responsibility and a lot of confusion or is that the Benadryl. Either way I will blog you later. Thanks, as always, for stoppin' on in.

** simon photo splashed from becausenooneasked,com & prc graphic other-sided from afterlifeparanormalnetwork.ning.com **

We're Ready To Believe You!

It wasn't long ago when I ate lunch in the cemetery with Joseph Glidden on the steps of his crypt. I hope he remembers and how respectful I was when we try to contact him on October 30th. I have to do some more research but our subdivision may be where his farm was. He may have invented barbed wire where my front yard is now? I just mention that because I have spent a lot of last night (Tuesday) trying to find a Medium to perform our seance. Hopefully the Dekalb County Paranormal Society is going to hook me up. If I have to perform the seance myself the great beyond will never be the same.

Tuesday night I duplicated the Caprese Panini Sugar Momma had for lunch Sunday. It couldn't have been easier with my sweet numchuck skills. I guess mine, since I cooked them on the grill, were more like Caprese Grilled Cheese Sandwiches rather than Paninis. While I was grilling them the gas ran out. Fortunately, when our friends moved to Oregon last year they left me two of their gas tanks (thank you Steve and Maria). I was like a pit crew member swapping out that tank. I was a one-man Barbecue Pit Crew (patent/trademark/copyright) and the grill was still hot when I got the new tank installed. I know you want to know how to make these and I want to include my photos so here it is (I will put it over there ----> too: Ingredients you will need: good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread), mozzarella cheese, pesto sauce, basil leaves, extra virgin olive oil, tomatoes. And here we go: slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. Done! Very simple and amazingly delicious (sorry Brian I didn't have any pork chops again). I may have to do a vegetarian cookbook soon. Next time I will make my own pesto rather than using the jarred kind (maybe) because you can't have canned products in a proper cookbook. Gordon Ramsay would have my butt!

I think one of my best friends might be gone. Roz played for me Tuesday while I was grocery shopping but now she won't turn on or even charge. I didn't drop here or anything but she won't respond. She's hooked up to the monitors (i-tunes) but there is no sign of life. I don't know what I will do without her. My son has the same i-pod but his is blue and he doesn't use it so I am sure I could confiscate his and he wouldn't even know but I do like the pink (and I love Roz). Maybe she's sleepy. I think if I do take the blue one I will call him Robert Johnson (that fits with the whole death and great-beyond theme here too).

Why am I consumed with the after-life and seances lately? There must be spirits waiting to cross-over in a couple of months and I am the new P.T. Barnum of the after-life building up their show. I decided what I will wear the night of the seance. I think I am going to dress like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Or maybe Vince Clortho Keymaster of Gozer (I cannot believe that just flowed from my head - there IS something supernatural going on here).who the heck remembers Vince Clortho without intervention from the spirit world?

Alright that's enough for today (this is actually being written Tuesday night and I believe I am getting a bit tired - I will post Wednesday morning though). Have a nice Wednesday. I'll blog you again soon.

** stay puft marshmallow man released from indigoclothong.com **

Restaurant Review: Acquaviva Winery

(Reposting from restaurant review area for easy retrieval later)

Restaurant Review: Acquaviva Winery
I get quite a few requests for restaurant suggestions for places out in the far westernMIDDLE suburbs so when the opportunity presents itself I try new places for both you and me.

Yesterday Sugar Momma, our friend Mary and I met at a new place called Acquaviva Winery in Maple Park located at 47W614 IL Route 38. There has been a vineyard here for several years and the winery itself has been under construction for a couple of years.

We arrived right at noon and there weren't many people there. As we walked up the stairs we were greeted and the door was opened for us by a young man whose job appeared to be to open the door for us. Upon entering the winery we were immediately transformed to Italy by the ornately-detailed decor inside. The domed entrance reminded us of the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel (there is a photo on July 7th's blog if you want to see it). The columns resembled marble. The first impression was breath-taking. We were greeted and escorted past the wine-tasting area, the grand piano and the brick pizza oven to our table. There is a terrace outside but we chose to sit inside as it was a bit humid when we were there. I was fortunate enough to be the person facing south so I had a view of the vineyard across Lincoln Highway which added to the Italian feel of the meal.

We were given a basket of bread and individual dishes of dipping oil and what appeared to be freshly grated Parmesan (I thought it would have been a nice touch if they had grated it freshly at the table but this was lunch and maybe they do that at dinner time or maybe they did and I wasn't in "blog-mode"?).

I am not much of a wine drinker and Mary, who is the most Italian person I know personally doesn't seem to be either. So Jill is the only one of us who ordered the wine. I think she had the Piacere (red) and she liked it very much..I think she had two glasses with lunch.

I wish I had known I was going to do a review of the restaurant when we were there so I would have been more prepared with the menu (I think maybe I was just looking for a reason to go back). I blog everything why not this - staycation?

They had a nice lunch menu and Jill ordered an artichoke pizza from their extensive pizza selections. They seemed to be kind of designer pizzas and she shared it with Mary and I as her pizza arrived well before our food. The waiter explained that the pizza arrived earlier because it's cooked in a different over (the brick fire oven we saw upon entering). My thought would have been to maybe not put the pizza in right away so that the meals could have been brought out together.

I ordered the baked artichoke hearts topped with mozzarella and Mary had a sandwich that looked like a Caprese sandwich with red peppers on it and a bowl of soup. We talked and shared our food and were there for quite a while. The place got very busy but that seemed, mostly, because there was a Porsche rally of some sort and this was a stop on their tour. There were at least ten Porsche's in and out of the parking lot at any given time the entire time we were there. I'm sure our car felt like Herbie the Love Bug at Monte Carlo.

Mary and I both initially ordered the Crab Cakes that were one of the specials of the day but were disappointed when the waiter came back and said "the chef isn't ready to make them yet." Then why were they mentioned as one of the specials?

Sugar Momma's pizza was excellent and my baked artichoke heart dish was superb. I did not try Mary's sandwich as I think I filled up on the bread and dipping oil. In fact, at one point I asked for a second basket of bread. The waiter seemed put out by this as I am sure most people don't ask for more bread but I like my carbs. The new basket of bread was not warm and toasty like the first basket and it took longer to arrive than expected so maybe they went and bought a loaf for seconds. It was clearly a different bread. I was willing to pay for the new basket of bread if that was the issue.

After dinner we went and browsed through their store. They have wines made on the property, of course, and they had interesting food items and a very nice selection of cigars. Cigars that I have not seen anywhere outside of Canada. We decided to do a wine-tasting. It was $6.00 each for six one-ounce tastes (six different wines). We tasted three whites (Prairie Star, Bianco Bello and Brianna) and three reds (Vitino, Piacere and Frontenac). I remember these because they give you a sheet of the wines. Jill loved the Vitino. She loves, and regularly drinks, a wine called Beaujolais Villages and this wine is a Beaujolais-style wine. Though I am not a wine drinker for some reason I want to be a wine drinker because of the romance of drinking wine. Sugar Momma says that "you just need to find a wine that suits your pallet." It's kind of a quest I guess. I am more of the Thomas Hayden Church character than the Paul Giamatti character in "Sideways" I think. I did like the Prairie Star and Bianco Bello okay (of course they turned out to be the least-expensive to match my palette). The only thing that I found negative with the tasting is that the palette-cleanser (bread sticks) were stale. But, I am not normally a wine-taster and maybe that is by design?

Overall the foods and the experience were fabulous. I did not find it expensive but other people have told us that they thought it was expensive. We were there for lunch and the others had gone there for dinner so maybe that is a different menu with different prices. Sugar Momma wants a bottle of Vitino for her birthday so I think that was a hint that maybe we will be back there around August 12th. I would recommend Acquaviva Winery for anyone who is looking to take a drive (or a ride) just a bit west of Route 47. The food is great, the scenery is amazing (especially for where it is located) and I found it moderately priced. There were the few glitches that I mentioned here but they are newly-opened and they are probably still fine-tuning. Sugar Momma grew up in Maple Park and she says "Did you ever think there would be something like this in Maple Park?" No, I don't think anyone did... Bravissimo

I'm Gonna Run Away Today!

Wow, I actually remember a dream from last night. It wasn't that exciting but I was on The Amazing Race and we were in New York City. Do you suppose that has to do with me falling asleep watching Late Night with David Letterman (I was watching David Letterman he didn't sleep over)? Maybe I have to be over-tired to dream. I was really tired. I cleaned the garage yesterday (it took about 8 hours because I actually did it right this time), I started mowing the lawn last night at 8:30; it was dark when I finished so I will see this morning what I missed. I took a shower and completely shaved my face after mowing and slept with the bedroom window open. I woke up with a stuffed-up nose and drool on my face (good thing I shaved). So this must be the perfect storm for me to sleep deep enough to dream and drool even though I remember only about five seconds of the dream.

Ironically, last night's sleep happened the night before a new study came out saying that teens don't get enough sleep because of technological advances. Maybe the study doesn't apply to teens times three. They should do a study about why kids don't threaten to run away any more. When I was a kid it was a big thing to threaten running away and our parents' response would be "I'll help you pack your bags." Kids have it too easy now so why would they run away? Of course, I am not advocating kids running away or even threatening it for that matter but I just wonder why that is. As a society we have changed incredibly over the last 30 years. We have texting and cell phones and DVR's and cosmetic surgery and twelve million television networks...we live longer but we cannot wait for anything. We have to have everything right now. I think this whole revolution started with fast food. I have pages of notes about this but I am starting to sound like an old codger so I will leave it at that suffice it to blog that the things I treasure the most accrued over time: my family, my home, my values, my memories, my friends, my grandchildren (still waiting for them for several more years, thankfully, but I know they will be worth the wait).

I did a personal study on blogging and I have found that blogging is one of the top 20% most difficult things to do. I arrive at this phologna bologna (or phony boloney) notion because 80% of communication is tone and body language and that is lost in blogging. What tone and body language did you imagine there? Actually, now that I blog about this, blogging is easy because YOU create the tone and body language. Okay study change...READING a blog is one of the 20% most difficult things to do. I know that applies to reading this blog; you are truly amazing!

I did my review on Prairie State Winery yesterday but got busy with the garage so I didn't do the Eggsclusive review yet. I will do that this morning since I don't have to mow the lawn.

I now have eight notebooks in front of me with notes in them. Seriously, eight notebooks. I have almost enough notebooks for one to be left in each of the original colonies. I'm like the nutty professor or the nutty blogger. Putting sticky notes everywhere and writing scribbles on napkins and my hand so I can remember to blog things. But I'm not obsessive or anything. Why can't I become obsessive about curing the common cold or something important that'll change the world? Maybe we all change the world just a little bit every day in our own ways and together we make huge changes. I like to believe that but I'm not going to obsess about it or anything.

Only a few spots left for the October 30th seance at the Blog Cave (my house - Dekalb). Reserve your spot today. Are people afraid? Scared? There's no charge. I'm sure nothing will happen except maybe too many mai tais or too much wine or Ghoul-Ade or something. There will be food! Okay...there are quite a few spots left. I lied and tried to build the hype like people were dying to come to the seance. Die to come to the seance...I kill me! I think seven or eight more people would be perfect.

Have a nice day. Blog you tomorrow. Ta...M

** sleep photo drooled away from hot-screensaver.com (i hope the words aren't offensive but the picture is funny) & huck finn or tom sawyer running away graphic high-tailed from heyhotshot.com **

Incense, Wine and Whac-A-Mole

Apparently I started a new service that I was unaware of. I got a text early this morning from my son who is staying over at a friend's house after a day of Wisconsin river tubing that states, "Can you get me up at 10?" I guess I am a wake-up service. I have pretty much always been that for my family but that was when they were in the same location that I was. It's a good fit. I don't sleep much and I am capable of making calls and texts so I suppose I am qualified for such a taxing position. Maybe this could be the start of a new career even a new industry. If you need to be woken up for the New York or Boston Marathon text ahead and I will make sure you are up in time.

Yesterday Sugar Momma and I were childless for the day so we went to a winery in Genoa, IL for a wine tasting. Slowly but surely she is turning me from a Mattgarita to "Little 'Ole Wine Drinker Me." She's taking advantage of the fact that she knows I like to do new and different things so I can blog about them. But she doesn't know that I know that she knows that I know that she's doing this so I let her do it and she lets me let her do it. Bottom line is it gets me to do the things she wants to do but I really want to do them too so it's a wine-wine (win-win). I am going to do a review of Prairie State Winery today somewhere over there ----->. We also stopped for lunch at a place called Eggsclusive, which we had been to a few times before, but I will review that too. They will also be available on Yelp.com (thanks Stacee) right after they are posted here. Blogs before Clogs (yelp didn't rhyme).

Having no kids for the day makes us be able to go out and not feel guilty. Don't worry people with young children, your day will come. We even went to a graduation party and stayed as long as we wanted without all the "I'm bored" looks and comments.

I think that Sugar Momma loads the dishwasher wrong on purpose because she knows it drives me crazy and then I keep up on the dishes. She throws them in there like she thinks there is a little person who is going to take them and re-stack them so the water can get to the dirty areas. The side that you use must be facing down and there must be space between items so when the little men and women in the dishwasher military get into their Water Jets and fly by in attack formation their water missiles will destroy the enemy (food and such). How can these unsung heroes keep our dishes safe if we don't give them the tools they require? Also, silverware gets cleaner if the area used is up so the water artillery can get direct hits and wipe out these filthy menaces. Make sure you are using this highly-sensitive dishwasher INTEL for the better good of clean dishes everywhere.

I was talking to one of my son's friends the other day and he was telling me that he was whacking moles. It's difficult for me to hear something like that and not make a TWSS remark but I want you to know that I do have some self-control and I just listened. There is an apple orchard/corn maze... farm just west of us in Malta and one of my son's friends is one of the children/family members who lives at that farm. So, as I listened with panic running through my head, I found that they really were whacking moles. That Whack-A-Mole (actually "Whac-A-Mole" so it seems PC) game takes a whole new perspective when you know it's really what they do to moles. They blow pressurized water down into their holes or burrows or whatever they have and when they pop up so they don't drown they whack them on the head. I suppose if you have crops and there are animals making tiny cities beneath them that will destroy your crops you have to do something but I guess they go "Medieval on Moles." How could Chuck E. Cheese, a rodent in his own right, allow Whac-A-Mole to be played in his billion dollar establishment? Hey Chuck how about instead of exploiting these poor rodent cousins you put them to work? You have purple gorillas and giant chickens in your band why not do your cousins a solid? Do people eat moles? I have had Mole' in Mexican restaurants but I thought it was more like chiles and chocolate and other spices. You should probably tell us vegetarians that there's moles in mole'.

Now get on with your day and remember Monday is a Funday. well, maybe it's not fun but think about how much it would be if you were a mole (or even mole' for that matter). Blog you again soon. Make sure you check out my reviews for Prairie State Winery and Eggsclusive later today.


** wake-up call photo snoozed and loozed from subhub.com & whac-a-mole graphic taken when it peeked it's head up from kiloo.com **

Matt In The Middle (Sunday Edition)

Here comes the Sunday dootendoodoo. Looks like the rain may be over for now. That's good because it looks like there's a lot of people who need a break to recover. The Middlewest (Iowa and Illinois specifically) got beat up by the rain. It's weird to hear about all of the heavy water because while it was going on I was sitting on a chair in the MIDDLE of a cornfield watching two movies. It's funny how only 50 miles or so can make that much difference. In case you didn't see them yet I reviewed the two movies (Salt and Grown Ups) over there ----->.

Sparky is tubing in Wisconsin with his friend Sunshine and his family and Splenda is finishing her motorcycle safety course today. If all goes well she will have her motorcycle license by the end of the day. Well, she will actually have a card that she will take to the DMV that says she passed and she gets her license. Sugar Momma is downstairs on her computer working and I am blogging. We have a graduation party to go to later today but nothing until then; that doesn't happen very often.

I worked out yesterday. I keep hearing about muscle-memory and about how your muscles get used to your work-outs and "remember" how strong you are or something. I think my muscles have dementia or Alzheimer's. My muscles have as bad a memory as my brain does I think. Okay, I just Googled muscle memory and it has nothing to do with remembering how strong you are... It has to do with doing everyday tasks like riding a bicycle or blogging on a keyboard and allowing you to do things without conscious effort. I guess I have that since most of my life is doing things without thinking about them.

I saw on Direct TV that they replaced the Fox Reality channel with Nat Geo WILD (National Geographic Wild). Isn't it basically the same thing? One is people doing what they do everyday (usually making jackasses out of themselves) and the other is jackasses making jackasses out of themselves. I think people will tune in to see their shows and will keep watching them not knowing that there was a channel change.

Shrek The Musical is in Chicago through September 5th. So it's going to be there for a little over a month? Who wants to bet that Shrek The Musical will miraculously be extended and will probably be in Chicago for about two-three years? We are such lemmings. Promoters of movies and computers and phones and Sham-Wows and anything else we "have to have now" know that we cannot wait to run out and spend our money on crap we don't need. If they get us to make an emotional decision rather than rational, intelligent decisions they can get our moolah. That's why this country is in the shape it's in now. People couldn't wait to go broke buying way too much house; more than they could afford because the banks were stoking the "need it now" fires. That's why most of my subdivision is for sale. Fortunately this is not one of the "need it now" traps we fell into. We fall into plenty of them but fortunately we saw the tarp covered in leaves over that hole.

I finally got the clog in the kitchen sink cleared. I had to go buy a sewer snake. I didn't realize that the skin of one zucchini was as bad as the peels of five pound of potatoes. Zucchini Girl could kick an army of Potato People's butts. Maybe it's just our garbage disposal? The last time I had this much trouble was four or five years ago when I peeled potatoes into the sink for Thanksgiving mashed potatoes. I haven't done that since that time but ONE ZUCCHINI? I should start a compost area but we live too close to other houses to generate that kind of stench. Maybe I could stop showering and they would just think it was me and not get mad about the compost pile.

There are still a few seats available for The Halloween Eve Seance. Act fast because they're going quickly. This offer will only be available while supplies last or until October 30th. Don't delay and miss this once in a year opportunity. This is the first in what will undoubtedly become a annual event and you want to be able to look back and say "I was there when this all began." But if you don't act now you will miss that opportunity. Ben Bilked of Seance Monthly magazine says, "if you miss this seance it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Then, when you're dead, they will conjure you up every year at future seances and make you relive the agony for all of eternity by rubbing it in your ecto-plasmic face. Rest in peace and make that reservation now." Listen to Ben Bilked and make that decision now and be a part of eternal peace.

The Sunday edition is always longer than the weekday editions so I guess you get what you pay for today. Have a great Sunnyday. I will blog you tomorrow with tidbits you cannot live without but don't think about Monday now...Live For Sunday! Now I am going to go pester Sugar Momma ;)

** sunday graphic taken from djanonymois.fi, muscle memory graphic removed from lifepriority.com if memory serves, shrek the musical photo donkey'd from news.bbc.co.uk & seance graphic crossed over from psychicenergies.com **

Get Him To The Greek and Karate Kid reviews (reposted)

THIS IS JUST A REPOST OF REVIEWS SO THEY CAN BE REFERENCED LATER (IF WANTED)

"Get Him to the Greek" movie review

Russell Brand portrays rock legend Aldous Snow who is in “the greatest hits moment of (his) life” and is scheduled to do a come-back concert in Los Angeles at the Greek Theater in 72 hours. It is intern/record executive Aaron Green’s (Jonah Hill) mission to get this out-of-control British rock star from London to Los Angeles in time while stopping off in New York for a guest spot on the Today show. Aldous is one of “the last remaining rock stars” who lives the rock star lifestyle and, by nature, is not going to make it easy on Aaron. Besides Aldous’ constant desire to live the rock life there are several other obstacles in Aaron’s way like: Aaron trying to be true and faithful to his fiancee Daphne (Mad Men’s Elizabeth Moss), Aldous’ on-again-off-again relationship with supermodel/pop-star girlfriend Jackie Q (Damages’ Rose Byrne), a reunion with Aldous’ father (Colm Meaney) and countless other unforeseen twists and turns. The film is full of celebrity cameos: Pink, Lars Ulrich, Mario Lopez, Christina Aguilera, Rick Shroder, Meredith Vieira...portraying themselves which adds seeming legitimacy to the story and the character of Aldous Snow.

One of the things that Sugar Momma said about the film was that she “liked the clever way the movie made fun of all the current, stupid double-entendre songs of today.” Her favorite was a song by Jackie Q entitled “Ring ‘Round.” (If you want to see the music video of this song send me a message on my Facebook or email and I can give you a link but it is very raunchy and adult so I will only give it to people I know as adults. The link I will give you will also provide several other videos from the film - it may pay to be a MattintheMiddler after all huh?). Sugar Momma went on to say that the “film is pretty raunchy and it is not for those with delicate sensibilities.” I may actually download some of the songs onto Roz from i-Tunes (ca-ching). I’d say one of my favorite aspects of the movie also was all of the pop culture references and pop culture bashing; it showed how ridiculous we really are.

Since I have seen so many films in my lifetime I have a tendency to compare films I see with films I have seen before. This movie reminds me a lot of Planes, Trains and Automobiles which I absolutely love. Of course, it is very different in the characters (one has a shower ring salesman and an advertisement executive and the other has a British rock star and a recording executive) but it is a film that throws two completely opposite types of people together. It forces them to see that they have similarities and we all get in ruts and need a change once in awhile to reach our goals even though, they too, may be different.

Sean, P.Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John, Combs was hilarious as Aaron’s recording company big-wig boss. Other than the two main characters he was my favorite. When he was pushing Aaron to get Aldous to the Greek he said, “I have six kids. Do you know how many Air Jordan’s six black kids wear?” It was a bit distracting for me at first when Aldous Snow was the same character Brand played in Forgetting Sarah Marshall but Jonah Hill, who was also in Sarah Marshall, played a different character. I quickly got past that as the action and jokes come so fast that I got drawn into the film and never thought about it again. They sort of made fun of it themselves in the film with a good Sarah Marshall reference.

Sugar Momma and I were both laughing out loud throughout most of the film. The rest of the theater must have either been too high-brow, thought it was a sad rockumentary or the jokes went over their heads because we were easily laughing more than most of the other patrons in the theater (take that for what it’s worth). We were also the only people who stayed for the after-credit nugget which is funny. Don’t people appreciate the hard work that all of these other people do? I do but I also know that all of the movies are putting extras at the end of the credits now...How do these people not know this; do they live on Uranis? Watch the credits inter-planetary friends!

It’s tough reviewing different kinds of movies and trying to use the same rating system for love stories, action adventures and silly comedies. I have a new respect for film critics but, now that I think of it, it’s just an opinion and mine is just as valid as Leonard Maltin’s and Roger Ebert’s. In fact it’s probably more valid because I am simply looking at entertainment value and that’s what movies are right? If you like films life 40-Year-Old Virgin, Super Bad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Juno and Knocked Up you will enjoy this film. So, based on that diatribe, I give Get Him to the Greek four out of five groupies (stars). If you need a mate to see it wif’ ring me on the telly. I’d give it a vid again. Afterwards we can stop off for a pint and some absinthe from the 1900’s.

"The Karate Kid" movie review (by "Sparky")
(Guest movie review by a 13-year-old MIDDLE-schooler from MIDDLE America - code name Sparky)

A kid from Detroit (Jaden Smith) moves to China because his mom (Taraji P. Henson) worked at a car place and she got like transferred to a car place in China. Then the kid gets beat up right when he moves there for no reason. Then he finds out those kids go to his school and then he gets beat up again. Then the maintenance man at his school (Jackie Chan) comes and beats up like 15 guys who were beating him up. Then he (Jackie Chan) brings him to a Kung Fu studio but then one of the kids who beat him up is there and they wouldn't let him in the class. Then Jackie Chan teaches him Kung Fu and they have a tournament and they break the kid's (Jaden Smith) leg. They he does a back-flip and kicks the bad kid in the chin and wins. Sparky gives the film 4 1/2 stars out of 5.

When I pressed to find out how it made him "feel" he said I should go see it and then I'd know. Thirteen-year-old boys have a switch that automatically shuts everything down when "feelings" are mentioned but at least I did get a review and a rating for you!

(I should start making my movie reviews this short)

To Sleep Or Not To Sleep That Is The Question!

Now's the time I'm usually waking up to write my blog, well, maybe not usually but occasionally. But this blog I am writing as I just got home. We had planned to go to Lake Carroll today so we could wake up tomorrow (or actually this morning) to go boating and tubing but they deemed the lake NO WAKE due to all the rain they go up there. So, we went down to Route 34 Drive-In movie theater in Earlville and watched Salt and Grown Ups. I will review both of these films later today after I go to sleep and wake up again.

I will talk about the theater now though. It is about 50 minutes south of us but probably straight west for a lot of you. It is on Route 34, as you might imagine by the name, just about two miles east of Routes 39/51. The cost is $8.00 for adults and you can bring in your own food and beverages which saves lots of ca-ching. They are showing salt and Grown Ups this week and salt and The Karate Kid next week. You can go to rt34drivein.com for movies playing. If you don't want to take your own food they have a very large selection of food, beverage and ice cream choices. It is literally surrounded by cornfields. This is The MIDDLE at it's finest. Take bug spray and we took a boom box so we could listen to the movie easier from our lawn chairs. They do have those speakers you attach to your windows and you can tune it in on the car radio but having a radio outside makes it easier to hear. I called ahead and found that it wasn't raining down there and we didn't get a drop of rain. Now that I am home I can tell that it's rained here the entire time we were gone.

On the way down I mentioned that the weather looked "clear as a bell." How can that be? Bells are usually tarnished and old looking. That may only apply to the sound being clear as a bell. Maybe it should be "clears as a baby's butt" or is that "cute as a baby's butt?" I have heard "clear as day" and "clear as the nose on your face" but those are silly too. I think I might say "clear as a mountain stream" from now on but as soon as I say that someone will mention Hamm's Beer and say something like "from the land of sky-blue water. Only you MIDDLE-agers remember Hamm's huh?

Well, I am kind of pooped since I have been up close to 24 straight. I think I will get a couple of hours of shut-eye and come back later and tell you that you should see either Salt or Grown Ups. Now you have to come back later to find out which one. Or, I guess you could go to the same place I went and watch them both tonight.

Okay, I'm gonna go catch some Z's or saw some logs or look at the insides of my eyelids or just plain crash. Have a good morning until I get the reviews done but I will let you know via Facebook when they are ready. If you're not my Facebook friend yet and you want to be updated this way send me a request and see if you make the cut; good luck. Nighty Night or Morningy Morn I guess. Either way I will blog you again later and I will do the movie reviews later today. I am not proofreading this now so it may be really more entertaining than usual...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

** route 34 theater photo illegally copied from rrslideshw.com and sleep graphic z'd from pitchfork.com **

Friday Celebrity Extravaganza!

It's freaky casual aloha Friday. Friday is good on it's own why does Friday get all of the added benefits? Shouldn't it be casual Tuesday? Or Freaky Wednesday? Or Aloha Monday. Friday doesn't need any help being "liked" but those other days could use a solid.

Why do we care about Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson or any other celebrity for that matter? Isn't the job of making movies or music with the travel plus the excellent pay that accompanies these jobs enough? They have to be considered better than the rest of us too? There was a time when being an entertainer was a job like any other. Actually, at one time, entertainers were beneath us commoners. Why do we hold people who play pretend in such high regard? It's something we can all do; we all play make-believe when we are kids. Now Tony Robbins is coming out and advising Lindsay and Mel on how they should behave. I thought Banana Hands was just trying to be nice but he's just promoting his new upcoming television show called "Breakthrough." Even kindness isn't free in Hollywood. Shallow Mel needs a pal.

Today was work-out day. I tried to continue watching The Big Lebowski while I worked-out. Watching movies and working-out doesn't work like watching movies and spinning and tread-milling for me. I had to turn the film off and have Roz play the workout playlist for the workout portion. I did some of the bike and treadmill at the end and then I watched some more of the movie. I need the music to pump me to pump the iron. This must have something to do with the music "soothing the savage beast" phenomenon. Muscles must respond better to music. There will be no weights in my new theaters.

I think the ghost of Michael Jackson haunts me. I had to do some plumbing Thursday and I went into my "glove drawer" in the garage to get a pair of gloves and I found eight left-handed gloves before I found one right-handed match. I added the pair of gloves to my Domestic Zeus Utility Belt. Maybe on October 30th Michael Jackson will have to be someone we can channel at the seasne since his presence is here. We are up to five attendees for this event. There are still seats available...let me know if you want to come and ideas of people we should try to contact. I don't know how many people we should have participate in the seanse but 13 seems like a good number. I didn't get a chance to research the seanse today with the plumbing crisis (thank goodness it was a sink/garbage disposal issue and not a toilet) but I have a little time before October and I will get it done.

I may try to contact my grandfather who died when I was 14 or 15. I remember him as a great guy but I hear stories about him that I wonder if they are true. I can put them here because he is dead and my grandmother is dead so no one directly involved will be
harmed and this way one day my descendants can read my blog, which has kind of become my diary, and maybe know some family history. Supposedly my grandfather McGuire was dating my grandmother's best friend while they were still married. I may come from a family of playas. If you were dead and someone contacted you from this realm would you own up to something like that? Was it even a big deal in the 1950's or 60's? This seanse may be scandalous.

I will try to blog tomorrow but I think we are going boating so it may be later or maybe not until Sunday. I will do my best to do one tomorrow because I know you cannot survive too long without my life making your life seem more normal. Be casual and freaky today because the day depends on it. I'll blog you again soon - maybe from Davy Jones' locker or Mike Nesmith's locker.

** tony robbins photo pal'd from seminarevemtreviews.com, michael jackson photo five-finger discounted from michaeljacksoncostume.net & player graphic gangsta'd from coolfreeimages,net **

Happy Phantom Brain Thursday!

Happy Farmer's Market Day. I have to get Sugar Momma one of those vegan chocolate chip cookies today. She doesn't believe me when I say it was the best chocolate chip cookie I ever had. Somebody who follows stocks please let me know when Sunny Day Bakery goes public. I want in on that IPO!

I have another one of those darned things where I wrote in my notebook and I don't know why I wrote what I wrote or what it means. Do I have phantom-hand or something? Maybe I have phantom-brain. Okay here it comes..."those who know don't care and those who care don't know." I definately don't know so I must care, right?

I put together my Domestic Zeus Utility Belt yesterday. I had been thinking about doing this for quite a while but I finally got the prototype started. It is a work in progress but it has: two types of clothes pins, a barbeque spatula with a built-in bottle opener, a whisk broom, duct tape, a small hammer, screw drivers, channel locks, bug spray, a lighter, a carving knife, a peppermill, a towel and the top of a propane torch starter. I know there are other things I should include and/or eliminate but this got me started. I'm Quick Draw Mattgraw a Minutematt of all things domestic. Wait until the Swiss Army gets ahold of this thing. I will probably be on Switzerland's currency soon.

It wasn't work-out day yesterday but now that I have the treadmill and the bike down there I will probably do something every night/day. Last night I did ten miles on the bike and I ran a mile on the treadmill. Not bad for a day where I would have done no workout. So I had to decide what movie to watch while riding/running. I decided on The Big Lebowski. I hadn't seen it in a while. Some really good actors in that movie: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, John Turturo, Steve Buschemi, Jeff Bridges, John Goodman... I didn't really like it the first time I watched it but I find it hilarious now. I think I should open a theater where instead of seats you have excercise bikes and treadmills to "sit" on (trademark/copyright/patent). What should I call it? A MOVE-ie Theatre? Cycle Cinema? Moviecise? Watching a movie really makes the excercise easier I found out...I am onto something here. Opening weekend will be a Chariots of Fire / Breaking Away double feature. These would be "experience features" (TRUE 3D) though that's not the main purpose of the theater; it's more distraction than experience and I want to show new releases.

I am really looking into doing a seanse on Saturday October 30th at my house. I may have to perform the seance myself as I am having a hard time finding a Medium in my area. I only tried for a bit today but I will look harder. It would be more fun to have an experienced seancer "perform" the seance but maybe this will be my new job. I could buy a hearse and be really busy about one night a year. I know my buddy Judii is interested in the seanse but who else wants an invite? Judii is in! I am not going to do one of the fake seances with the fishing line attached to stuff... I am going to try to contact "the other side" and if nothing happens we will at least have some food and drink and fun in the dark. That's another reason for me to get into this line of work - I look GREAT in the dark! Let me know if you're interested in being invited. Maybe costumes (all dress like the dead or zombies or vampires or werewolves or ghosts or something)? Seats are going to fill up fast so let me know - IF YOU DARE!!!! I am a skeptic but I have a very open mind and I want to believe so this should be fun. I know what I will be blogging about on October 31st if I live through the night of the 30th.

You probably get tired of me telling you to have a nice (fill in the day) but I really mean it EVERY day. I really want you to have a great day so just do it already. I will blog you again tomorrow...blog you then!

** seance photo conjured up from bloodspot.com **

Let Me Hear Your Body (and spirit) Talk!

Hi again. Thanks for coming back. I missed you.

Last night for dinner we had coconut/macadamia-crusted mahi mahi with steamed asparagus and cilantro-lime rice. I bought the fish pre-crusted from Shnuck's so even though it was a homemade dinner, I suppose, it wasn't technically homemade though I made it at home. It was yumbly in my tumbly either way.

Yesterday I worked a lot on the basement, finally getting the new workout equipment situated. It's funny how basements get so cluttered because you don't go down there very often and they are the great hidden dumping-ground. I am trying to encourage Sugar Momma to workout with me and though she wants to she doesn't want to. I hooked a television and DVD player up and faced them toward the exercise bike and the treadmill because she said that would entice her to use them. Before I did the colossal clean-up I worked-out first. It has been awhile since I worked out since I was a moving company last week. I blogged that I didn't need to workout because I was lifting so much for the move but I was wrong; it's not the same at all. The workout was tough yesterday. I did it all but a couple of weeks ago it was easier. Once you start working out it falls into that "use it or lose it" arena. So, it's back to using it because I started to lose it. Sugar Momma and I did walk for a couple miles when she got home though. I think it does her good to go on the walks because she gets to vent and release all of her day's stresses and we get to spend time together just talking without distractions - Ah, The Middle Years!

Again, I wrote something in my notebook, probably between stations of my workout, and I'm not sure what it means or where it comes from but I will throw it out there because it must have been inspirational or deep when I thought of it so here it is...hold onto your hat or your socks or whatever it is that you like to hold onto (TWSS)..."Anything that comes from the Earth eventually returns." I hope it lives up to the build-up and hype.

I think they should bring that television show "Make Me Laugh" back (when I say "bring-back" I mean re-make and update it). I didn't watch it much when it was on but I think I would watch it now. Do you Middlers remember it? Contestants would sit in a chair and comedians would take turns trying to get the person to laugh within a pre-determined amount of time? Sometimes they would have big-time comedians on but mostly it was up-and-comers who, in come cases, eventually became famous. I don't find many stand-up comedians funny (I think it comes from my desensitization from managing Zanies Comedy Club for a couple of years). Maybe I am ready to laugh again; I'm a happy guy, mostly, but I think I find most comedy too predictable. That show was kind of funny because it was more entertaining that the comedians couldn't make the people laugh and the contestants were on the verge of wetting themselves trying not to laugh. It's the classic battle. To pee or not to pee that is the question!

While I was making dinner and cleaning the kitchen the other night Splenda was watching some show she had DVR'd called "Mary Knows Best." It's a reality-show about some lady who is apparently a famous psychic, since she has a show on SIRIUS satellite radio, and her daily escapades. She gets into all of these situations where she talks to people while she's out shopping or walking the dog or whatever because she has visions of them. It's weird because she makes people angry by saying things but she's a psychic so she should know ahead of time that they are going to get upset since she's a psychic right? So, she should know not to say these things right? Or, is she posturing for the camera and making them upset on purpose for the cameras so she is actually a good psychic? There's a reason it's on the SCIFI network (the "FI" in SCIFI stands for "fiction")! I trust the Magic Eight Ball as much as any psychic. I will believe in Psychics and Mediums when Erich Weiss (from MIDDLEwest Appleton, Wisconsin - though not originally) returns from the great beyond and delivers his message. Erich Weiss, in case you're not familiar, is the real name of Harry Houdini who spent the last part of his life debunking and proving psychics as frauds with hundreds-of-thousands of dollars of his own money. There is a seance every Halloween with famous magicians like Penn and Teller and Blackstone and Copperfield trying to contact Houdini. Hey, whatever happened to Doug Henning?...maybe they should search for him too. Now that my kids are older than trick-or-treat age, who would be up for a Halloween seance this year? I don't believe but I want to believe and I would have fun trying to believe. Anyway, Houdini has never returned to give the secret code he said he would deliver from beyond the grave if life-after-death existed. Maybe he is waiting to contact you and I this Halloween? I am serious...who would come to this seance on Mattgarita Island if we had one? Houdini returned to the Earth, maybe he sent me that inspirational message and he wants to return FROM the Earth? It's 3:00 AM and I am blogging about the great beyond....in touch with the spirits again I see...boooohahahahaha!!!!

Ok, long blog for this early in the morning, sorry. Luckily you will read it a bit later in the day. If it's too long break it down into chapters throughout the day when you get all ticked off because the copier doesn't work right or your report won't print or your boss is being a jerk; maybe I should make it longer in that case huh?...I hope you have a Humperiffic Day! I'll blog you tomorrow.

** let's get physical photo "ripped" from rippedgeek.com, make me laugh photo giggle-snorted from kipaddotta.com & houdini graphic conjured up from randi.org **

Just Another Mopey Tuesday!

Yesterday was Galloping Gourmet Day here. I made zucchini bread and zucchini muffins - thank you for the big zucchini Kathy (TWSS), roasted corn on the cob on the fire pit for dinner, made potato chips all day with the potatoes that were at the "use them or lose them forever" point. It took all day because the fryer doesn't seem to be getting the oil hot enough. To go with the corn I made grilled cheese sandwiches on the grill and I also grilled some pineapple. Whilst grilling and frying I did five loads of laundry (pretty good day for line drying yesterday). The zucchini bread is fantastic. Let me know if you want the recipe but it's a Betty Crocker recipe nothing that I made up this time; I will post or email it to you if you want it.

I had to go to the store for some ingredients for the zucchini bread. Among other things, I needed cloves. Cloves were $3.00 for whole cloves and $6.00 for the same amount of ground cloves. The recipe called for ground cloves but I wasn't going to pay someone $3.00 to ground my cloves. I can ground my own cloves and often do. When I got home and opened them I wondered to myself, "self, what are cloves? "They looked like little bitty itsy bitsy teeny weeny tiny whiny sticks. Or maybe small nails like Barbie might use to build her dream house. They smelled good though like they should go in apple cider or something. I had to know what cloves were so I did the research; the clove tree is an Evergreen and the part we use for the spice are the small flower buds of the tree. They are mainly grown in Madagascar, Indonesia, Pakistan and Zanzibar. Last night I ate the mysterious Cloves of Zanzibar - doody doody doody doody doody! "Be he alive of be he dead I'll grind his cloves to make zucchini bread."

I have never been a smoker but I bet clove cigarettes are good if they use the same cloves. But I am sure the tobacco companies have to get ahold of them and add tar and nicotine and all the other poisonous toxins they add so they can kill us for our money so they can keep selling their cigarettes. The cigarette companies probably also own the cancer treatment centers.

I found yesterday that I should have been put in charge of the Gulf Coast oil spill. I accidentally put laundry detergent in the fabric softener receptacle yesterday and I acted quickly. I took some of the clothes that I was about to wash and sopped out the detergent. It was easy. It took some ingenuity and quick response I suppose but I put my head together and came up with a solution and acted. I am glad that BP finally got the Gulf Coast spill under control. I was actually concerned that the oil would never stop spewing into the ocean. Now the clean-up. I am still waiting for them to announce they need help down there with the cleanup but I don't think that is going to happen. They want as few people to see the actual devastation as possible I think.

I am really crabby this morning. I'm a Crabby Matty. I have a lot on my mind and I'm just plain crabby. It's about the end of the month so I am sure it's just Mattstruation again. I think I am over-tired. I need to workout and take a nap even though I haven't been up that long and I am unable to ever take naps no MATTer how tired I am. I wish I were a bit more feeble-minded (like that's possible). I'm somewhere in the MIDDLE; I have just enough sense to let things bother me but not enough sense to not let them bother me. Maybe it's just the fog...could I actually miss the sun in only eight hours doot-en-doodo? ENOUGH RAMBLING ALREADY! Oh well, what's a mope to do? This too shall pass! Maybe I just need some zucchini bread. Fiddle-dee-dee...tomorrow's another day (this one has just started though). Have a nice day. Blog you later!

Love Brokers!

So, who has a case of the Moooondays?

Yesterday Sugar Momma and I ended up going to Acquaviva Winery for linner or dunch or lupper; whatever you call that thing between lunch and dinner/supper; it was 3:00. There's a brunch so there ought to be a linner right? The service was still pretty terrible and the food wasn't quite as good as last time. The waitress said they are still new and are working out the kinks. I think maybe I just didn't order wisely this time. I ordered the crab cakes and I didn't like the mushroom sauce. Sugar Momma tasted it and liked it so I guess it just wasn't to my liking. We met our friend Mary and her husband Gary there. Gary is one of the organizers/sponsors/founders...of the car show we went to Saturday and we got to talking about Jack Sparrow and nobody knew why he was there. No one hired him. He was just there. I told you there's trouble afoot. The seas were angry my friends! I wish someone who looks exactly like me would get famous so I could show up at parties and be him. Or maybe he is waiting for me to be famous so he can show up at parties and look like me. We stopped at Schmidt's in Elburn after lupper for a drink (I had Diet Coke - okay one margarita and two Diet Cokes). Jill's brother Tom and sister-in-law Kara met us up there. I'd never been there. It seems nice with your "typical" bar types inside - whatever that means.

Somebody had shoes on that made farting noises when they walked. Don't you hate clothing items that make sounds when you move? Can't I just go the library without sounding like a pork and beans eating contest at the county fair? Someone should do a comedy sketch where a person, or persons, is/are wearing farting shoes and corderoys and a windbreaker... and making orchestral music while they walk or jog or do their shopping...

The other day I blogged about "pros"titution and "cons"titution. It sparked a thought in Mary and she told me that she wonders why there is an "ins"titution but no "outs"titution. Very good question and why are there all of these words with "titution?" There's not even a word "titution" in the dictionary yet there's all sorts of titutions. I smell conspirtitution or is that those farting shoes I smell?

Last night when we got home we grabbed our books (okay it was the remote but television is like books except there are better pictures and you don't need to find your glasses...well, sugar Momma does by not everyone does). "Mr. Mom" was on and we watched the ending - more of my life flashing before my eyes (on TV). Jill said that we should watch "Night Shift" (must have instantly gotten into Michael Keaton mode). We have the DVD so I went to the basement to dig it out. I couldn't find it so I came back upstairs with about 30 other choices in my hands just to find "Night Shift" sitting next to the television in our bedroom. So we watched "Night Shift." That is still a great movie. It made me think of college. We named our inter-mural softball team "Love Brokers" because of this movie. Kevin Costner had a bit part in the film and I think he must have been about 20-years-old.

I may or may not go to swing dancing today. The last time we went, you may recall, we ran into Sugar Momma's cousin Beth. Well, we set up to meet her at the one today but now Sugar Momma cannot go because of work and I may go and dance with Beth. How did I go from hating to dance to becoming the Denny Terrio of the MIDDLE of the United States? Why in the heck do I remember Denny Terrio? Maybe my dream is to be in the ballet. Maybe Jack Sparrow is in town to offer me a role in Pirates of Penzance.

Have a nice case of the Moooonday! I have plenty to do today since I pretty much played all weekend. Funny how that happens. I will blog you tomorrow with something fantastic! I am not sure what it is yet but something fantastic happens every day. I hope something fantastic happens for YOU today!

** - night shift photo love brokered from salon2009.com & dance fever photo boogie'd from qj.net **