Seance Sadly Canceled

The guest's attending were dropping like flies in The Amityville Horror so I was forced to reluctantly cancel the seance. I can't imagine any spook would waste their time coming to visit four to five people; and that's if those four or five all showed. I appreciate the people who could not make it letting me know so I could make the decision and save people traveling to where Jesus lost his sandals. I am a little bummed but my daughter was worried about coming home from college at Thanksgiving with a haunted house because some moronic amateur medium didn't know how to send people back to the other side.

The park where the remains of the missing NIU student is reopened. I think I would have waited to reopen that park until after Halloween because now it will be a place for Halloween walks. Supposedly (these are all alleged facts based on bits and pieces of what I have heard on the news...) they have a suspect in Louisiana that supposedly called in about the fire in Prairie Park. He was picked up in Louisiana driving a stolen car. He is getting shipped back to Dekalb. I also heard that Toni Keller's body was cut up prior to being burned. This would mean that she was probably burned in one of the fire pits in that park. I really hope they have found the person so we can put this to rest and move on. Together Forward is our town's battle cry ever since the Valentine's Day shooting at NIU a couple of years ago.

I worked this morning and then donated plasma this afternoon. This is the first time I donated that late. The place was packed. I much prefer donating in the morning.

So now Sugar Momma is in Macomb, Splenda is in Carbondale and Fabio and I have open dance cards. He is at a friend's house so who knows when he'll be home. I was going to be getting the house cleaned up for the seance but now I don't have to. sugar Momma was probably excited. It's always good to have get-togethers at our house because that's the only time our house gets rid of that "lived in" look. I am sure most of you are the same (at least I hope you are). You only do the huge clean-up when people are coming over. This is why I rarely, if ever, just drop by someone else's house - it's not that I don't like you it's just the opposite really.

When I was going through my pictures to look for one to put here I found this one with Splenda going across the bridge when she, Fabio and I were on a bike ride through Prairie Park. I just took the photo because we had just had so much rain and the water level was right to the bottom of the bridge. It saddens me to think that I will never ride my bike across that bridge again and not think about a young girl walking over that bridge minutes before she was brutally murdered. That's how one little incident can change the entire course of events to follow for everyone and everything.

Alright, long enough for today (TWSS). I am going to go and NOT CLEAN the house :) Have a nice Friday afternoon/night. Maybe Fabio and I will have to go to Buffalo Wild Wings (they have a great BOCA burger if you use the buffalo sauce). We also have a new Noodles and Company. Maybe we will try that. Maybe nothing who knows? TTTT...MITM!

Two Days 'Til Immortality!

I am downtown at The House Cafe eating a salsa-avocado wrap and blogging. When my food arrives I will probably take a blogging break and read my
seance notes. I sure hope I contact Ehrich Weiss (Harry Houdini). If we contact him and we gain proof via video can you imagine the world-wide attention all in attendance will gain? People have been trying to contact Harry Houdini since his death every Halloween. We will do our seance a day before the one the professional magicians do every year (Penn and Teller...). Supposedly he has left a secret word to prove it is him if there is a way for him to cross over. All who enter prepare to become talk-show famous. The Houdini Seance they did in Halloween was the most eventful to date. The electricity went out right as they were beginning the seance and it was determined by the fire department that it wasn't staged. Maybe Houdini is ready to cross over. Maybe there is a waiting period before spirits can come back and his waiting period up.

I got a small cut on my finger the other day and I thought about when I was a kid and would get a cut and my dad would always say, "get the Mercurochrome." What the heck is/was Mercurochrome and what did it do? Why don't we have it anymore? Do we still have it and it is known by a different name? Anyway, I need some Mercurochrome or just a band-aid I guess.

I have a lot of work to do at the house before Saturday night. I also get to work tomorrow and I am giving plasma again tomorrow. For a guy with no prospects and a bleak future I sure am busy. Sugar Momma went back to work yesterday. She feels a little better but she still isn't well. She is going to Macomb again this weekend for her Masters' class. Hopefully she will be home in time for the seance or I will just conjure stag. I may go with her next time and go to Hannibal again; that town calls me like a beacon for some reason. I am going to go back to that cemetery and check out the haunted tree now that I know there is supposed to be a specter there. I'll find it too if it isn't for those meddling kids and their dog.

Fabio has another basketball game again today (or probably two since he is Superman on both the "A" and "B" teams). I have always enjoyed going to all of the kids' games. I am not a maniac fan I just go and watch and clap and yell an occasional "good play" or "good job" or something along those lines. I usually have Roz piping music through the headphones so I don't have to listen to the over-zealous fans from both sides.

Okay, I have to go work on the seance room for a bit before it's tip-off time. enjoy the less-windy MIDDLE. I'm glad it died down because the garbage goes to the curb tonight. Blog you tomorrow when Fabio will be 4-0 hopefully. TTTT....MITM!

Everyone Knows I'm Windy!

cue the music of the week

I took a break yesterday from reporting on the disappearance of NIU student Toni Keller. I don't know if I am just interested so much because it's so close to my home or I think about my daughter away from home or it just creeps me out but I think about it every day. I don't know if you heard but they found charred human remains in the park where they have been looking. They have not confirmed that they are the remains of Toni Keller but they do know they are human remains. They also know the remains were found near items consistent with items reported as Keller's. The investigation has switched from a missing person investigation to a homicide investigation. While I was downtown today I walked over by the area to see exactly where they are talking about as it is a large park with a bike path running through it, The area that they have roped off and have their control center is where the kids and I have ridden our bikes countless times and where we have played frisbee golf. I have long suspected, and a news report confirmed today, that vagrants and homeless people spend a lot of time in that park. The Dekalb Park District, reportedly, is re-examining Prairie Park's future. How does someone burn in a forest/park so close to homes and town and go unnoticed?

While I was walking I also found a sign still on a telephone pole from Bradley Olsen from Maple Park who went missing near this same place in 2007. They finally closed that case after he had been missing for three years so his daughter could collect his death benefits. He was last seen in February 2007 leaving a bar very close to this park looking for a ride home. They probably aren't linked but it sure makes you wonder. Okay...on to better things.

Huntley Middle School (DeKalb) defeated Sycamore Junior High School yesterday. The "A" team won 37-22 and the "B" team won 22-14. Fabio played both with the "A" and "B" teams yesterday so I guess he is 2-0 while each team is 1-0. I have video of one of his baskets, which was very cool, but I don't know how to load it onto here yet. I will figure out how to get it onto Facebook if you want to see it though I know these things are never as cool to other people as they are to the parents of the next Michael Jordan. Knowing him it's already on youtube somewhere.

The Earth sure isn't happy in the MIDDLE right now; must have a tummy ache. High winds and tornadoes. The winds are still blowing like crazy right now - for over 24 hours straight. I guess other parts of the world are having problems too. Volcanoes erupting and tsunami's washing up. I guess 2012 is only a little over a year away huh?

I gave plasma today and it was totally uneventful. I went a little later that I usually do so my blood pressure wasn't elevated by the drive over while people fought to get to work and school. I also did the Matt calming mind-trick I told you about. So, my blood pressure was fine, they found my vein right away, no blow-outs and was in and out in under an hour. I hope they all go that way. Thinking about racing over there reminded my about a time we were driving around up in Wisconsin looking for new places to boat and we came around a bend into a little town called Cambridge. There was a sign straight ahead on top of a building that said "Welcome to Cambridge, Popluation 1420 Plus Matt." Talk about welcoming someone to town. I didn't have a camera so if you get there take a picture for me. I had to stop and find out what that was about. I am not a NASCAR fan or maybe I would have known that Matt Kenseth is from Cambridge, Wisconsin. I bet he was sure upset when he found out they put a sign up there for me.

Have a great rest of your day. I have a great idea for my Halloween costume if it stays this windy. I am going to be Ben Franklin and I will dress Sugar Momma up as a kite and our dog Maisy as a key. Carry something heavy with you until Saturday (seance day). Blog you again tomorrow...MITM out!

So Help You Blog!

I'm tired of blogging about the top story in my town so I am not going to today.

Sugar Momma was starting to feel better but now she's worse than she was before she went to the doctor last week. I don't believe she has pneumonia. It's allergies I tell you allergies. She has an appointment with some kind of a specialist next week. So, while she has been confined to bed, with her computer of course because she always works not matter what, she had all of these crime shows on. She loves all of the forensic-type shows. I caught some of one of the shows and something crossed my mind. Why, when murderers and big time thieves are on trial, do they have to swear to "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" If these people think so little of the Ten Commandments that they break the "thou shalt not steal" or the "thou shalt not kill" Commandments what makes them think that they would tell the truth on the "so help you God" part? Seems silly to me to think crooks and killers would decide to be honest all of a sudden.

Tuesday until Wednesday or so we are supposed to have winds the likes of the Edmund Fitzgerald days in the MIDDLEwest. I laid the basketball hoop down which was my attempt at battening down the hatches. They are saying winds up to 80 MPH for 30+ hours in a row. I worked out extra hard Monday night so that if I have to be anchorman in holding something down against the wind I will be up to the task. I really hate getting up the gumption to workout sometimes but I feel SO good when I have done it anyway and I am done. Must be those endorphins they talk about huh?

I went into work at my part-time job Monday to do one small task and I ended up learning three more things and working six hours. Then I was also asked if I wanted to work Tuesday for a top-secret job (seriously this time) so I get to work again for three to four hours Tuesday. I would be able to work longer but Fabio's first basketball game is Tuesday afternoon. (In case you have missed it...Sparky wants to be called Fabio now).

I don't remember if I told you but I don't think I did. This past weekend I woke up at like 3:00 AM (shocking, I know) and remembered a dream. The dream was actually about the latest book that I am writing that I will never finish. I grabbed my pad of paper that I always keep at the side of my bed and wrote down the dream. By the time I was done I had written five pages. Then I thought to myself, "self, go back to sleep and dream more about the story." And do you know what? I did. I woke up again about an hour later and wrote another four pages. If I could actually learn to sleep properly I could write the next War And Peace.

Okay..it's crunch-time for the seance. I am very excited. I have a lot to do to get ready like learn how to be a medium and conduct a seance but life is full of challenges. By this time next year Miracle Matt's Seances will be a multi-million dollar industry. The first franchised paranormal firm. I plan on having the seance video-taped and put on YouTube; details to follow. The famous YouTube videographer Fabio has agreed to do the shoot.

Okey dokey enough blogging for today. I will let you know how bad Huntley Middle School beats Sycamore Junior High in tomorrow's blog. Be safe in the winds Tuesday or maybe "they" will be wrong and they will only be 50 MPH winds. Blog to you again tomorrow. TTTT....your best blog buddy MITM!

Even the Sunflowers are Sad in the MIDDLE!

I am starting to hate fantasy football. I had a player (Kenny Britt) who wasn't starting today so I didn't play him. He ends up getting 40 fantasy points and he is sitting on my bench. I did the same thing earlier this year with another wide receiver Anquan Boldin when he had a tough match-up. wouldn't it be great if that's the worst thing we had to worry about in life?

CSI: Dekalb update - ALL of the major Chicago media outlets were represented in town Sunday. I even heard the family of Toni Keller has been speaking with Nancy Grace. As far as I have heard they haven't positively identified the remains they found as hers but the local newspaper said they also found things that belonged to her. That's quite a few people missing in the same park...three that I know for sure in a very short period of time. We have a Dekalb County Major Case Squad that I didn't even know existed working on the case. It sounds like we need one so I guess it's good they do exist. One of my questions is if we have so many people missing and/or dead with links to this same park is it possible that we have a serial killer? What are the qualifications for that sort of thing? I know there would have to be more of a link than just being located in the same area but it's pretty creepy. I am not normally an alarmist but I am concerned to say the least. It's the Daddy Bear's job to protect his cubs right? I wanted to walk over there today but sugar Momma said that would be disrespectful. I somewhat disagree but I deferred just in case I was wrong. I am very sympathetic and saddened and very respectful but need to thing about the safety of my family. I need to quit fixating on this I guess but even the sunflowers are sad right now.

Halloween is this week and election day is the following week. I'm not sure which one is scarier.

The San Francisco Giants and the Texas Rangers will meet in the World Series this year. It's nice to see two different teams in there for a change. I am rooting for the Giants. I don't really care either way but something I found out while at Nationals Park in Washington D.C. made me not care for the Rangers so much. The original team in Washington D.C. was the Senators. To make a long story short for blogging purposes the Texas Rangers own the name, as far as Major League Baseball is concerned, The Senators and they would not give or sell the name to the Washington baseball franchise. So, for karma's sake, I am rooting for the Giants to squash the Rangers.

Enough blabbing from me. I'll blog you again tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by...I am always happy that you do. TTTT....MITM.

Forget About all that Evil that They Feed 'Ya!

Breaking news...human remains have been found in the area they have been searching less than a mile from our house. They have not identified the remains yet but if it's not the missing girl (Toni Keller) that means we have yet another body found in Dekalb and one still missing. I am not sure how to feel. On one hand I hope it is not her because then she may still be alive but on the other hand I hope it is her so her family can have closure. I'm sure we will know more by Sunday afternoon. Sugar Momma just said "this town is creepin' me out, man." MIDDLE doesn't equal safe I guess.

I can tell this is gonna be a downer blog. Al Qaeda is encouraging attacks on crowded places and restaurants at lunch times in the U.S. and throughout Europe. That and they are advising their followers to drive into crowded areas with their vehichles. I am so tired of scare tactics. Not surprisingly, these threats come right before the normally busy holiday shopping season. I imagine they think if they can scare us to stay home and not spend any money they can further harm our economy. Franklin Delano Roosevelt's words the "only thing we have to fear is fear itself" have never been so fitting. These terrorists just want us to be afraid. I ain't afraid. People are afraid of the Muslims and how they "are going to take over." The same fears were spoken about the Jews and the Catholics. Most of these prejudices are based on ignorance which grows into fear. One Tribe Y'all!
How come if you throw a person who has never been in water before they cannot swim but if you throw a cat or a dog in the water they can instantly start paddling and swimming? Did you know that most pirates didn't even know how to swim? A fish cannot survive on land or even walk. Cats and dogs should be ruling this planet. Planet of the Apes my eye...it should have been Planet of the Dogs and Cats!

The best times in our lives are when we are on the way up. Once we reach the top there's nowhere else to go but down. Hopefully you're still on the way up and never reach the top.

I believe I have reached the top of this particular blog because it appears to have peaked so I will end it before it falls even further. Enjoy football Sunday and root for my fantasy team The Phildelphia Hellfire Club (Aaron Rodgers, Michael Turner, Steven Jackson, Anquan Boldin...) I could really use the help. Just do what makes you happy and forget about my fantasy team. I will try not to preach diversity so much tomorrow but I am sure you will hear about it again soon. Thanks for indulging me. I think I get this way right about now - PMS (Preachy Matt Syndrome). You know what next week is (besides the seance); Mattsruation. Okay, I'm done....do something fun now....TTTT...MITM (oooot).

I Slept Like a Baby

cue the music

Wow, I slept well Thursday night. It's been awhile since I had taken the Benadryl but I hadn't slept very well for the last three nights so I took Benadryl and slept like a baby. Well, not a baby actually. Where did that expression come from? Babies are up like every couple of hours fussing and crying; they don't sleep well at all. I slept like a rock. Now there's something that doesn't wake up. Not to mention that I gathered no Moss though I wouldn't mind having him on my fantasy football team - The Philadelphia Hellfire Club.

I heard a report on the radio today that listed the worst states for drivers in The United States. Number 50 - California, number 49 - Illinois. High gas prices, tollways and traffic. Illinois is worse than New York. MIDDLE of the road drivers are getting the short end of the steering wheel. THAT makes me sleep like a baby!

When we were on our trip to southern Illinois last week, being taken advantage by our state (see above), we stayed in two different hotels and I began to wonder - does anybody actually BUY USA Today? If I ever want a USA Today I am just going to walk into any hotel lobby, grab some free breakfast, watch a little CNN and take a paper when I leave. If I ever get down on my luck and become homeless because Sugar Momma becomes tired of my shenanigans and throws me to the curb that's my plan. Then maybe jump in the whirlpool for a quick bath and then be on my way. I wandered, no pun intended, but I am wondering if there is $1.00 added to our hotel tabs for the paper or does USA Today have a piece of all the hotel chains?

Also, when we were headed down to Carbondale we stopped for a quick dinner for the car on the way down. I was out-voted and we went to Arby's. They do not have any non-meat food items. Of course they have tri-taters and curly fires and deserts but no sandwich without meat and no salads. So, I went into the attached gas station and they had one tuna fish sandwich left but the tuna was brown so I passed. Is a fish sandwich, even deep-fried, too much to ask? And then when I ordered my tri-taters he asked "medium or small?" How can there possibly be a medium without a large? There can't be, right? I went with the medium because my dipstick said my oil level was not that low. The tri-taters were good and I didn't squeak for a week with all the 10W30 that came out of those three table-top football-shaped "potatoes."

Saturday I get to work a football game. It's supposed to rain so that will be fun. One of the best parts of being a boss is that I can go wherever I want unless I am required to deal with an issue... so I may be situated underneath something that blocks rain most of the time.

Minor update on the missing NIU girl (Toni Keller). I saw them diving in a lake about 3/4 mile directly East of our house. I didn't have my camera with me so I don't have any photos, sorry. I heard on the radio that there are 40 investigators working on the case and they have several leads. I hope they find her alive soon.

Who is going to be the third model parent from television to die? They all come in threes you know. We had June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsly) and Howard Cunningham (Tom Bosley) recently who's next? Jane Jetson? Barney Rubble? Homer Simpson...not so model maybe.

Try to stay dry Saturday. Thanks for stopping by to see what nonsense I was gonna talk about. Start telling your friends about the blog because November is membership drive month. Sign up a member and I will kiss your behind in a blog. Just tell me when you do it and I will believe you and I will write something about you for all the world to see (well, they have the opportunity to see though most won't). Blog you tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out)!

Deliverin' the Benjamins

cue the original theme music

There are a handful of people throughout history that immediately come to my mind as mesmerizing to me. I am amazed by: Harry Houdini, Amelia Earhart, Theodore Roosevelt, Mark Twain, Howard Hughes, Harry Truman, Abe Lincoln, all of the founding fathers but especially Ben Franklin. There are many, many more but these immediately come to mind. I have been thinking about Ben today for some reason. It's weird how people, places and things (nouns I guess) pop into our heads for no apparent reason. It won't surprise you to know that I have been to Franklin's grave three times. I threw pennies on his grave as that is supposed to be "good luck." I never thought about it until typing that that "a penny saved is a penny earned" was not at work when throwing pennies. Franklin is playing cosmic jokes on us by earning our pennies...Oh Ben. There are common threads in my mind why I like the people I like but Franklin embodies a little of everything I like. He was a journalist/printer, he cared about the people he knew and the ones he didn't, he was a brilliant mind, he was a smart-alek, he loved the ladies and he wasn't greedy. Once he made enough money to be comfortable he retired at the age of 42 and then invented: the lightning rod, the Franklin Stove, the odometer, America... He never filed a patent for any of inventions. He wanted everyone to be able to have them and he never "earned" a penny on any of them. without the lightning rod we would not have had the great cities we have now. That's all I've got to say about that.

I just thought that the seance occurs right around my Mattstruation time. I hope that doesn't complicate things. You know that I believe men have cycles similar to women without the obvious main unpleasantness. Well, to further support my theory, besides the fact that I'm crabby as Helser around the end of every month, our bodies are up to 60% water right? Bodies of water ebb and flow so wouldn't our bodies have tides too? YES...and they to!

I think bathroom doors in restaurants should swing the other way. I have thought this for a long time but am just now getting around to blogging about it. I hate washing my hands, which I always do, and then having to grab the same handle of the guy who just grabbed his junk and didn't wash his hands. Or, even worse, behind the closed door. If I could just push the door from the inside with my leg or hip I'd feel better about going back and eating. It's weird how I have become so much more aware of germs and such as I have gotten older.

I know I said I would try to ignore the goings-on of the missing girl here in DeKalb but Channel 5 News was out here again and I guess divers were checking the Kishwaukee River. Supposedly they found the girls dorm key in the woods but then her father said she had lost that awhile ago. Seems ironic that they found it where she supposedly went missing. I still hope they find her alive but my investigation would have a very specific focus right now Doctor Watson! I would tell you that I won't blog about it tomorrow my I am obsessed with protecting my family (how odd huh?) and I don't like my town being surrounded by "police line do not cross" all the time.

My son, Fabio, and I played basketball in the driveway just before dark Thursday night. I have about 2" inches on his 114 lbs frame along with about 75 lbs. We played one-on-one to five by ones. For the first time today he beat me (other than all the times I let him win). He didn't just beat me...he destroyed me 5-1. I am happy. One thing he has been lacking on the court is aggression. I asked if he's been practicing that way with the team and he said "I did today." He's a very mild-mannered but I tell him on the sports courts, fields... it's okay to be aggressive. Maybe he's finally getting it. I hope he kicks my butt every time we play. My Great Mattini training is finally paying off sugar Momma!

Too long again (TWSS). This is the cross I must bear. If you're looking for a Thursday plasma story here it is - I decided not to go so I called and canceled for today; I was having sympathy pneumonia pains. Enjoy your Benjamins. If it's not payday for you this Friday go to the store and buy one...every Friday should be payday. I will continue to monitor the crime scene out here for you and I will get some more of these notes out of my book tomorrow. 'Til then - TTTT...MITM! (P.S. I know I haven't told you this in awhile but I APPRECIATE YOU STOPPING BY TO READ THIS!)

Happy Blogs are Sure to Follow!

I know I have kiddingly called DeKalb the Old West or the Wild Wild West when I have heard gunshots in the quiet night but now I am starting to feel like it's more like Beirut. You may have heard that there is an 18-year-old girl that has been missing in DeKalb since last Thursday. So, having a daughter who is eighteen and in college, I did the fatherly thing and called her and told her all of those nervous dad things and today I found out that there was the body of a 19-year-old male student found about a mile from our house to the SE less than a month ago. The article that was sent to me says that they didn't suspect foul-play but now with a girl missing (last having been seen less than a mile from our house to the NE) I am becoming concerned. There was talk today on the radio that this girl "may or may not have gone to California" according to some national missing persons' website but until that is proven I am vigilant. I was thinking about going to help search for this girl on Tuesday (read about the search in the NIU paper) but I had a prior commitment. I really hope they find her in California and everybody is angry because of all of the wasted resources and tax-payers' money. I'd rather have that than to have another body found. I guess even if she did just decide to go off to California she is eighteen and as an adult she can go wherever she wants at any time. She really didn't do anything wrong other than not telling anybody she was leaving. I cannot imagine what her family is going through.

It's funny how I have a blog fairly planned out and then something comes up and I totally change what I was going to do. It's like having the newspaper all ready to go to press and a huge story breaks and they have to rework the whole front page. I was going to write about the seance and the Illinois Ghost Hunters investigating The Egyptian Theater the same night but that doesn't seem appropriate given the circumstances. I sure am a Matty Downer. I'll blog about that manana.

I was watching Freaks and Geeks the other night and Seth Rogen's character said something that I thought was funny for some reason so I wrote it in my notebook: "Dogs don't even like us people. They pretend to but they're just kissin' our asses so we will feed 'em. I ain't buyin' into that hoodwink." Maybe it's just me but I thought that was hilarious.

Well, Thursday morning and I get to see what's wrong with my insides again as I attempt to donate plasma. Will it be blood leaking everywhere? Low pulse? High blood pressure? Them poking and prodding with their needles? My promise yesterday of blogging my butt off today was premature I guess; sorry. No MATTer what happens tomorrow I promise a happier, upbeat blog. Until then have a great Thirsty. Blog you later Ralph Nader. TTTT....MITM

Pneumonia in the MIDDLE (again)

cue the special musical tribute. You MIDDLERS will appreciate it. It will remind you of Tuesdays in Milwaukee (not That 70's Show). One of my favorite bits of television trivia has always been that Happy Days was a spin-off of Love American Style. Maybe Trivial Pursuit should be a seance back-up plan?

I am doing Wednesday's blog early because I'm a sleepy boy. I haven't caught up from the weekend driving and Saturday night in the hotel I was in a bed with Sparky (who wants to be called Fabio now) and Sugar Momma was next to me in the other bed with Splenda (we had the aisle seats). Between Sugar Momma coughing all night and Fabio thinking he was Sonny Liston punching and kicking me all night I didn't get much sleep. Now I am in a weird pattern and didn't go to bed until 1:00 AM and got up at 5:00. So, long whining short...I'm tired.

As for Sugar Momma's coughing she left work early Tuesday and went to Urgent Care to find out what was wrong. Turns out she has pneumonia....again. I'm sure my pea-brain will start trying to fake me into thinking I'm sick now too. The doctors can say what they want but I know there are allergies that are contributing to this. QUACKS! And, as long as we're in the medical section of today's blog I went to donate plasma today. They turned me into a Matt Cushion. First I got there and my blood pressure was high again so I had to sit for ten minutes and have my BP retaken. I have this mental trick that I use to relax and it ALWAYS lowers my blood pressure when needed (are you on the edge of your seat?). I mentally picture myself lying under a huge Weeping Willow tree on top of a green grass-covered hill. I am surrounded by a dozen or so sheep that are just calmly eating the grass while the gentle summer breeze rustles the grass and my hair. I always have a long piece of grass in my teeth and a hat slightly shading my eyes. I am gayer for blogging that (so I got that goin' for me, which is nice)...that parade cannot arrive soon enough. So, the second reading of my pressure was good and the blood-letting began. She stuck my right arm and missed the vein so she dug and she dug and then decided to try to go for my left arm. She wrapped the right and moved to the left. She poked and missed again then she called another phlebotomist over who was able to get my blood/plasma flowing. I walked out with both elbows wrapped..a mummy just in time for Halloween. I am going to have to start rethinking saving lives.

After I did finally got to sleep last night I woke up kind of panicky worried that I walked out of Denny's without paying. I haven't been in a Denny's for probably 30 years so I don't know where that came from but it means I must have actually had a dream last night...woo hoo. How did Denny's purchase commercial time in my dreams and how do I get a dream DVR?

Should the Green Party and the Tea Party join forces and become the Green Tea Party? I think I might actually vote for some of those Green Party people come election day. It depends how plasma time works out that day. I always vote so I can complain. I figure if you don't vote you don't have any right to complain. The main things I have learned from this election and the political advertisements are: no politician pays his/her taxes, they are all liars and they are all terrible people we cannot trust. No wonder we are in a such a pickle. At least if the Green Party were involved it would make sense to be in a pickle. For someone who says he isn't very political I sure talk about politics a lot.

Start focusing on Wednesday. What are you gonna do to make sure you have a great day besides reading this blog again? Make it a fantasmic day. I'll blog you later with more sleep so I can blog my brains out. TTTT...MITM.

I'm Back in the Saddle Again!

cue today's musical interlude (TWSS)

Howdy Howdy Howdy. Sorry I didn't blog much over the weekend but you were busy anyway so it worked out just as well.

We loaded up the Family Truckster and got out of Dodge about 5:00 PM Friday to head toward the Rio Grande but we decided to settle on Carbondale, Illinois. We couldn't leave until 5:00 because Sparky had day three of three of 8th grade basketball try-outs. He made the A team (different footage than last time) so he is happy. That would have been a really long drive to Carbondale if he hadn't made at least the B team. We went down to see Splenda for the weekend; it was Family weekend at SIU. It sure did my heart good to see her. I hadn't seen her since we dropped her off at the beginning of the semester. By the time we got back Sunday night we (when I say we I refer to the Royal We which is really me) had driven 887 miles. I used to make that drive every weekend when I was young and in love. So, even though some of the signs are confusing we never got lost.

While we were down there we went tail-gating, we rode a paddle boat on the campus lake, we went to the mall (got a jacket for Splenda and the latest size 10 Air Jordans foa thirteen-year-old), we went swimming at the hotel pool, we saw a movie at the student center (Despicable Me), we walked A LOT, we ate A LOT... It doesn't sound like a lot but it took the whole weekend. It was nice having the family all together again for a while. Next time we will see her will be Thanksgiving which is almost here. I had better get started on my pies now.

While we were at the tailgating I was trying to sign some mascots for the Mascot Wars show I told you about inspired by the Ohio/Ohio State mascot attack. I talked to a couple of salukis and Little Caesar of Little Caesars. Splenda suggested that Barney could fight Grimmace. I never even considered cartoon/childrens' show characters like Barney. How about the Keebler elves take on Lucky (Lucky Charms) in double-dutch jump roping? I hope to have some deals inked soon and get this project in the can (TWSS).

The seance is only a week-a-half away and I did some more research by accident. It is never my intent but the research seems to find me. Though I am nervous being new at the seance game I am getting excited too. I know that it is all phony balony (phologna bologna) but I would be happy to find out I am mistaken as long as I don't get possessed or haunted or something. I am confident in my phony bologna medium powers to know that if a spirit crosses into this plane I can force in back into the great beyond.

Though I have a lot more to blog I will save some for tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday. I am going to try to give plasma again. Hopefully my athlete's pulse and blood pressure have learned to live together in harmony but if not...NO PLASMA FOR YOU! Blog you again tomorrow...don't do anything I'd want to watch. TTTT...MITM (out).

Short and Sweet (TWSS)

This will be a short one (TWSS) because I have a long way to go and a short time to get there...

MIDDLE of the night television is funny. ESPN Classic had on Celebrity Bowling The fist one had teams of Dick Martin (Laugh In) and Billy Barty vs. John Schuck and Michael Ansara. The second one checkered slacks... It made me miss all of the cool celebrity shows we had "back in the day." Battle of the Network Stars and the like. Those were simpler times.

$3.5 Billion spent of campaign ads already this election. The big ones are still yet to come as the election gets closer no doubt. Firstly, the ads are all attack-ads so probably. hopefully, are useless. Isn't it irresponsible to spend this kind of money when our economy is in the state it's in. If I were a candidate I would tale my $1,000,000 or whatever my campaign fund was, I would do one ad saying "rather than trying to buy you vote I am donating 'X' amounnt to my state's deficit... and you make the chose of who is responsible and who cares about you and your concers." I don't want to vote for someone who throws their money at an election. You know darned well that they will make that money back while in office legally or illegally.

Short and sweet just like I promised; I can keep my campaign promises. Blog you later. enjoy another nice fall day. TTTT...MITM

I Have An Athlete's Hulce!

I went to do my usual Tuesday/Thursday ritual of donating plasma Thursday and “denied.” I am really glad I donate plasma because it’s like taking my car into the shop. Every third of fourth time I go there I find out what’s wrong with my engine. Remember a month ago or so I found out that my protein level was low? How would I have ever known that without them telling me? So, this time I get my finger pricked so they can test my blood, I step on the scale to get weighed and then they stick the arm cuff on me for my blood pressure and my pulse and they put the thermometer under my tongue. Weight fine, blood good (mm good), blood pressure fine but...”your pulse is too low.” WHAT? So then they bring a nurse over and she asks me if I work out heavily. I tell her that I work-out with weights every other day and I also do 25 miles on the bike and 600 sit-ups at those times. She decides that that constitutes working out rigorously and enters in the computer that I have an “athlete’s pulse” which means I can get below 50 but not below 40. Pretty cool...my workouts have elevated me to athletic pulse status (or maybe I am just close to dead - have you seen some of my facebook photos?). Sure, lucky me gets the athletic pulse but not the body. So then she straps on the cuff again and now my blood pressure is high (185-104). Well, of course it is. I am worried that my pulse is too low and now my BP is too high. So, being two readings were bad (even though they were bad on different criteria) I was DENIED! It sure causes a lot of anguish to be a life-saver (tropical-flavored). But now my protein is good (thanks to Jillian Michaels) and know I have an athlete’s pulse. By the time I die I should have all things running perfectly so I don’t know whether to donate my organs to science or an organ- needy person. Just hollow me out like a pumpkin before you burn me up and do with the insides as you will.

I made coconut bread pudding again after being denied donating today. I am going to see Splenda this weekend for the first time since she left. When Sugar Momma saw her at U of I a month ago or so she took some down to her and she loved it so I promised I would make some more. It will raise my pulse to see her. I think I am going to make it again in a couple of weeks for the seance and I think I will make guacamole (the kind with black beans and corn) too. I have also decided to make Sangria. Maybe if people drink and eat enough they won’t realize that I am a total Sham (wow). That’s the second time I’ve used the term Sham-WOW in less that six hours. What’s happening to me? Is it because of the high blood pressure or the low pulse? The combo has made me light-headedly Sham-wowified. Either way I hope I make it to the weekend to see my eldest and favorite female child.

Eye start a lot of my paragraphs with “I” don’t I?

Worked at Yell Like Hell I did Thursday night. Or should it be ME worked at Yell Like Hell Thursday night? Those people yelled like hell. I think it was a spirit thing (you know, "we got spirit yes we do, we got spirit how 'bout you" type a deal) but it could have been an anger management seminar I'm not sure.

Okay I just told myself KISS (Keep It Short Stupid) - (TWSS). So, I am going to KISS off until sometime late Friday night or early Saturday morning. Weekend's here - let's all cheer - man I'm queer - no disagreement here! Blog you later World Dominator. TTTT...MITM!

What Up With That?

cue the music

It's October and the baseball playoffs are in full swing. Tuesday night the Texas Rangers eliminated the Tampa Bay Rays. I wish they were still the Devil Rays. What up with that? Whether it's true or not I don't know but I heard that people were inferring that they were satanic because they were the Devil Rays. People are ridiculous. Their logo didn't change other than the "devil" being removed so it still has the image of a devil ray (the fish) but it's just a ray now. Maybe it was more that all of the other rays felt slighted. They should have a picture of Ray Raynor on their jerseys; he was always my favorite Ray although Walston was pretty good too. Anyway, the reason I mentioned the play-offs was when I saw the Rangers celebrating in their locker room after knocking out the devils they were poring Canada Dy ginger ale all over each other. So, now baseball can't have devil rays or champagne? They could have used that apple juice that looks like champagne. It was odd watching two litre bottles being dumped on major league baseball players.

The miners that were trapped in a mine in Chile were rescued early Wednesday. They were in the mine for 69 days. If we were stuck in a mine starting today we would be down there until next year. The thing I liked about it the most was that they didn't want to speak to the media right away. If they were in a mine in America I know they would all be getting agents right now to get them on Today or Good Morning America or Late Night with David Letterman. We'll see how this plays out in the next few days. You know darned well that every network and media outlet is doing their best to talk to these people.

I actually cried at the end of my workout today. Not like openly wept but more than just a tear in my eyes. While I worked out today I watched the film Everybody's Fine with Robert De Niro. The film, from beginning of the movie to the end of the credits, was exactly as long as my workout today - 1:38:14. The film was good and Kate Beckinsale was hella-hot as always. The movie came in the mail yesterday via Netflix. I love Netflix...I'm happy we got it. The film really made me miss my daughter. I miss her every day as it is but the film is about relationships with a father and his children so, of course, I related somewhat. I sort of figure her being at college is kind of like Spring Training for her totally leaving the nest. I am really happy she's doing well in school and that she loves it but there was a part of me that wanted her to decide she wanted to go to school closer to home. She's too smart for that though.

I have decided a few people that I am going to try to contact at the seance but if you have suggestions let me know. I will try to get you some ecto-plasmic autographs and/or photos.

Okay, that's it for today because I used to average about 30-40 people reading this everyday and this past week the average day was 16 people reading it. I am not willing to accept that it's the content so I fell people must be intimidated by my length (TWSS). So, I will blog you late Thursday night after a day of ecto-plasma donating and working at an event called "Yell Like Hell." Ironic with the seance coming up and the "Devil" Rays being eliminated from the play-offs? TTTT....MITM!

This Blog is Gay!

cue today's music

I found out too late that Monday was National Coming Out Day. I know this is National Coming Out week but if I can't do it on the "day" what's the point? I guess I'll have to wait another year. The whole National Coming Out Day got me to thinking (thanks Judi). Columbus Day has parades and Gay Pride has parades so why don't the Gay Pride Parades coincide with National Coming Out Day? I don't know who to contact at the clubhouse (hey, that's a good gay bar name) but I would say move National Coming Out Day to the first Saturday in June worldwide and do the parades then all at the same time. Right now some of the 2011 Gay Pride Parades are: June 25th in San Francisco, June 12 in Philadelphia, June 26th in San Paolo, June 4th in Honolulu, April 16th in Miami, Chicago's just says June 2011... Come on people let's get it together. The parades could all be the same day in every Gayborhood and maybe be televised like The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Imagine the coverage and then people could "come out" on that day and what a way to celebrate...a parade. Maybe the parades are on different days to give people a reason to travel. I am not homosexual (that I know of) but I do believe in everybody's right to choose as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. I don't need to go there girlfriend because I've blogged about that before but I am passionate about America being about freedom. Isn't that why we're all here...literally? I do intend to go to the Gay Pride Parade in Chicago in 2011 if my schedule permits; I know what you're thinking but I already have a date though we could double. Bozo was in the parade last year. Surprised? I would have thought Wizzo and his Stone of Zanzibar and "doody doody doody doos" but I'm not completely surprised by Boz either.

Okay, I guess I am a social liberal (not that there's anything wrong with that). I am not very political but I am a liberal hippie when it comes to people's rights. If you think being a liberal is a bad thing let me know and I will provide a list of things liberals have spearheaded to make this country a better place. I seriously do have a list of this if you want it.

Wow, I guess I kinda got on a soapbox there. What soap would it be? Cheer? All? Arm & Hammer? Omo? Whichever...I'll get off the box now.

Today would have been a good day for me to come out.
I made school lunch, did four loads of laundry and watched the chick-flick "The Proposal" and got teary-eyed while I folded clothes, made dinner (salmon and potatoes), took Sparky for his basketball haircut (that's a haircut for basketball not a basketball-looking haircut) and read People magazine while I waited, went grocery shopping three times... things that have historically been "women's work." I don't mind being the chick but I'm not shaving my legs. Women have always been the unsung heroes of our society.

The People magazine I was reading had an article about Elin Nordegren. It was her first interview since her divorce from Tiger Woods. She's an amazing woman. I don't know how she can have such a good outlook after the way she was publicly humiliated by someone she loved. She had no idea he was "out" with other women while she was home pregnant and with the kids. It just reinforced the old saying that "no matter how beautiful a person if (inside and/or out) there is someone tired of (being) with them." Sandra Bullock (The Proposal) and Elin Nordegren are prime examples. I feel the exact same as Elin, "I always believe the best of people and when you do that you're going to be really screwed sometimes. My fear when this first happened was that I wouldn't be that way anymore...but I haven't lost that." Good for you Elin. Don't let that schmuck change who you are (other than the size of your wallet).

This blog sure turned out to be a liberal piece of propaganda didn't it? I just start blogging and stop when I smell smoke. I can barely see the keys through the steam I have generated with my flying fingers. If enough of you are interested maybe we could try to get a Matt In The Middle float in the 2011 Gay Pride Parade. Remember this time of the year in high school when we'd go to some barn and turn a hay wagon into a float for the homecoming parade? Well, I went once because I was in Student Council but I left VERY early. Have a nice HUMPday (fitting huh?) I'll blog you again later lunar crater. TTTT...MITM!

Let's Hug It Out Mascots!!!

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Remember when we accepted television commercials because over-the-air broadcast television was free? Why do we now pay for television, be it cable or dish, and we still have to deal with commercials? What are the commercials paying for now? Likewise, why are tollways still in existence? Weren't they only supposed to be in effect until they paid for themselves? I think they're more than paid for by now. I think they keep working on the roads so they can say that they can keep soaking us. Now we even have the equivalent of pre-paid credit cards strapped to our vehicles in the form of E Z Pass, I-Pass... we're just lemmings packed in shiny metal boxes. I'm matt as hell and I will just keep taking it because they know they have me and there's nothing I can do about it.

Does Columbus Day count as a holiday as far as the garbage man is concerned? I hate to have to guess every time there's a holiday whether the garbage still goes to the curb Thursday night for Friday morning pick-up or it goes out Friday night? I guess just put it out Thursday night and if it has to sit an extra day I guess it sits.

I was watching last week's DVR of Hawaii Five-O, I was watching it via DVR because I don't want to watch commercials since I pay for my satellite television, and I discovered why Five-O is Five-O. Because of the original Hawaii Five-O Five-O has become one of the many slang terms for police officers. Do you know why Hawaii Five-0 is Hawaii Five-O? How many times can I type Five-O in the same paragraph? It would be cool if I could type it 5-O times but I won't. Hawaii Five-O is called Five-0 because Hawaii was the 50th state. It seems so obvious after they spell it out for me. I probably would have firgured it out on my own if my I.Q. wasn't Five-O. Anyway...I still like Hawaii Five-O. It's Five-O clock somewhere!

Am I the only one that never knows what handshake to use? Do I use the old thumb up and four fingers straight ahead? Do I do the tilt back with the fingers curled? Do I do one of those combo-dealies? I use different handshakes in different situations...this is why I prefer to hug. Hugs seem to be fairly universal.

I was thinking about that mascot fight a couple of weeks ago again and I thought a good show on ESPN The Ocho would be mascot fights or other various competitions (patent/trademark/copyright). Maybe a Wisconsin Badger vs. a Michigan Wolverine. How about a Hurricane vs. a Green Wave or a Crimson Tide? A Banana Slug fighting a Boll Weavel. A George Washington Colonial vs. Vanderbilt Commodore? A race between a Wisconsin Wiener and A Washington President? A pie eating contest between a Phanatic and a Boiler Maker? I could program this series to run for seasons. And best of all I could do it without commercial interruptions because the teams would be doing the advertising simply by their mascots participating. What a great recruiting tool for colleges and exposure for professional sports teams. Then we could do winners in each country having a mascot Olympics. It wouldn't be like wrestling; this would be real mascots really competing. Major League mascots taking on high school mascots.... The University of Hawaii must have gotten wind of my idea and then changed from The Rainbows to The Warriors! Nice move Five-O!

Alright, I have lost all contact with reality and should probably pull the plug on myself (TWSS). Welcome to the loneliest day of the week...Tuesday. I will try to blow out a vein or something Tuesday so I have something cool to blog about. It's just a slow blog day today. Blog you later escalator - TTTT...MITM!

I Missed The Binary Daaly Sales! DRAT!

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I hope you had a Happy Binary Day! I began writing this at 10:10 on 10-10-10 just because that seemed cool for some reason. I'm not an expert on what's cool though because sometimes I even think I'm cool.

The bon fire Saturday night was fun. Somebody actually took me up on my blog bon fire invitation and stopped by. MADYM and Mister MADYM stopped by. We had (at least I had) a great time but I realized that I am an over-server. Mister MADYM was driving and he didn't drink too much but I have got to stop being bartender. If I had my own bar I would go broke with my over-pours in about a week. I would have a lot of customers until they either all died from my poor alcohol management or I would go broke, again, from my poor (or pour) alcohol management. Sometimes a Matt's got to know his limitations.

In celebration of Columbus Day I get to work Monday. It's some kind of open house and I am the only one who gets to work. I am not sure exactly what it is I will be doing but like Christopher Columbus himself I will set out for India in search of spices and accidentally discover a new country. I guess this is proof that you never know what's gonna happen when you walk out the door on any given day. Lucky for him he was right about that whole crazy World being round theory of his. Maybe Christopher Columbus should be channeled at the seance. His birthday is October 31st - coincidence or fate? Somebody brush up on your Italian and somebody brush up on your Spanish just in case. Maybe if we reach Chris we could just channel a translator too.

There was a law passed in 2003 that said that all road signs throughout the nation be changed to we capitalized and the subsequent letters to be lower-cased by 2018. According to the mandate in the Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices it is easier to read signs printed both upper and lower-case letters. Quite honestly I have never noticed that the signs are mostly printed in upper-case letters right now. Can they be serious? Supposedly it's going to cost about 27.6 million dollars to have all of these signs changed. How about let's just divide that money between all legal drivers and teach them how to distinguish between upper and lower-case letters so we can just read the current signs. Maybe after 2018 if there is a sign that's in all caps we can ignore it and if we get a ticket we can plead the inability to distinguish Capitalism or maybe CAPITALIZATION. Speaking of capitalism - my thought is that there are politicians somewhere behind this legislation that own the companies that manufacture the signs, print the reflective letters or install the signs when the changes need to be made. I know someone is gonna make a nice slice of that $27,600,000. The Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria might have actually found India if the signs wouldn't have been in all capital letters.

Have a nice Columbus Day Monday. If there are any of you who have recently had throat surgery keep your Columbus Day celebrating down to a low whisper. Hopefully you are lucky like Sugar Momma and have Monday off. For her that means she can work (in her pajamas if she wants) from home for ten hours and save the drive in to her office. Have a great day...continue to enjoy the weather before it turns. Blog you tomorrow...TTTT - MITM!

** Just in case and for the record...I just heard a gun shot echoing outside. It sounded like it was kind of far away but the shot rang out at 8:22PM Sunday night. You never know out here in The Wild Wild MIDDLEwest (Dekalb has our share of shootings unfortunately). **

Imagine There's No Blog; It's Easy If You Try

cue the music of the day

John Lennon's 70th birthday would have been Friday. Though I did appreciate him when he was alive it wasn't until relatively recently that I truly realized his genius. The Beatles were pretty special. I know I am not saying anything that's a secret but it's always worth repeating. I didn't realize it at the time but when I was in New York three years ago my buddies and I walked through Strawberry Fields in Central Park, past the Imagine tribute pictured here and then we went to The Dakota (pictured below) where John Lennon lived and we stood in the spot where he was shot and died. I was already Macabre Matt back then and didn't even know it yet.

I only ended up working three hours today because not many people came to purchase Miranda Lambert tickets. It wasn't a pre-sale as I had assumed so people were probably just buying their tickets on the internet. Now Saturday morning I am working a football game...The Temple Owls will be there so I'm guessing Bill Cosby will probably show up in one of his Temple sweatshirts. I found out today that after the football game I get to work a soccer game (the other futbol) too. They are doing a reverse tailgate whatever that is. Whatever it is it means I will get an extra four or five hours of work. It won't be 17 hours like two weeks ago but it will end up being 11 or 12.

Sugar Momma and I watched Brüno this Friday evening. After watching the movie I had my people contact Sacha Baron Cohen (S.B.C.) and he has agreed to portray me in the Matt In The Middle biopic. In his next project he is playing Freddie Mercury in a movie about Queen (the rock super-group). After that look for Matt In The Middle (the movie). I love S.B.C.. I loved him in Borat I loved him in Taladega
Nights and I loved him in Brüno. I know his movies are offensive to many and he does more than push the envelope but that's the point. The things he points out in his films are supposed to make us realize how ridiculous some of the prejudices that exist in our country are. Sugar Momma didn't care for the movie too much saying the movie was "too raw." I am a big fan of sushi which is probably why I liked it. Sugar Momma did like the video at the end of the movie though.

A part of the movie that I liked, in addition to ALL OF IT, was that part of it was filmed in Fort McClellan, Alabama. A little bit of Matt In The Middle trivia....while I was a senior in high school I made the decision to join the United States Army so I could go to college. I was sworn in and was scheduled to go to Fort McClellan, Alabama to become an M.P. (Military Police) right after high school. On Christmas Eve of my senior year of high school I was in an accident and lost a big toe (I've given up trying to find it now) and the U.S. army no longer wanted me so I ended up taking out student loans and going to college anyway and meeting Sugar Momma...Losing my toe turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I started in Left Field that summer in the American Legion baseball league in Aurora, IL so I am sure I could have served in the military but they are prejudice against nine-toed wonders I guess.

I am thinking about contacting my big toe at the seance and see how his afterlife has been without a foot. I'm guessing the foot was holding him back.

I just saw a report about a Washington D.C. mortgage company called Mortgage Bankers Association. Three years ago they purchased and moved
into a $79,000,000 building. They put down 5% and then defaulted on their loan. They strategically defaulted on their loan. A strategic default is when a borrower walks away from a mortgage that they can actually afford to pay because it makes more financial sense to rent. They moved five blocks away to a new headquarters. Unreal....this company was guilting people who really could not afford their mortgages while they defaulted on their mortgage but could pay if they chose to. A pox on them and everyone else like them! And I mean one of those really bad poxes like small pox not merely chicken pox. Sugar Momma and I both paid our student loans off and we have never been late on our mortgage...maybe that's why we are stuck in the MIDDLE? We need to be smarter and default on our loans. Stupid responsible idiots!

Enjoy the Saturday MIDDLEwest weather. I hope you're getting nice weather wherever you are. After I'm done with the soccer game we're gonna have a fire Saturday night. I always say it and I always mean it...if you just want to chill by the fire (well unchill I guess) cruise on over to Mattgarita Island at dusk. Sugar Momma would probably welcome some intelligent conversation...when nobody shows she's stuck with me...bless her heart. TTTT....MITM!