Blog and Blogger

It's Monday for you - sorry. It was nice having Splenda home for the weekend. It's always sad when it comes to an end. It was nice that she likes Jeff (he is our new dog in case you are behind on the blogs). Right now Jeff is fighting with a laundry basket and he is losing. I suppose it's things like this that started the saying, "dumb as a dog." And, as a Border Collie, he is supposed to be the smartest of all dog breeds. That doesn't say much for the rest of the dog world. He weighs about 20 pounds and the basket weighs about two pounds and the laundry basket is kicking his butt. He's growling at it and barking at it and trying to sneak up on it. DUMB DOG!

Speaking of laundry baskets - have you listened to Dirty Laundry Podcast yet? We record a new show tonight and you don't want to get behind on The Laundry!

"Wha? Someone doesn't like our show?" YES!

While I am blogging I am watching the new Modern Family episodes (two episodes). I think I am done with this show. I don't really like the characters anymore. All of the actors are terrible except for Ed O'Neill. Cha Cha disagrees with me and still likes it but if we all liked the same things there would only have to be one channel with Breaking Bad playing back-to-back for eternity. The only way I may consider watching this train wreck is if Nathan Lane became a regular cast member to replace some of the crappy ones. Maybe it's the writing too but the acting is just abhorrent. There's a commercial on now and I am not forwarding through it - enough blogged!

Breaking Bad ended last night and I am sure we will talk about that on the show so I won't talk about it here. THAT was a great show though not very family friendly I suppose. I doubt kids like these other crap shows either - kids have better taste than adults quite often.

I thought I had heard that there was not going to be a Dumb and Dumber sequel or, at the very least, Jim Carrey wasn't going to do it. Now they have announced that Dumb or Dumber To (yes, that "to" is spelled correctly as the title reads) is suppose to be out in 2014. I really liked the first one and the Farrelly brothers are directing so it should be good. Carrey was not happy with his role in Kick Ass 2 (not "to") so maybe he is going to take another #2 huh? I did not see Kick Ass 2 yet but I will when it comes on video. I liked the first one and the reason Carrey did not like or promote Kick Ass 2 was because it was "too violent." You already know that if you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast.

I have to get a bunch of stuff done around here so I had better get to it. The weekend was kind of unproductive as far as house chores. We went over and saw my dad - he just had his second knee replaced. He has a good start on being Titanium Man - he'll be able to kick Iron Man's butt. Then, Saturday night, I was sick; I think all of the days with now sleep caught up. Last night I drove Splenda to Champaign, dropped her off and then drove back home.

After I get done with my chores done I may even take a nap. Probably not. Is it weird to daydream about taking a nap? I guess not since when we dream in our sleep that we are awake huh? I think I am going to start watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix while I do my chores. Have a great day. I will let you know when the new show is up (probably tomorrow if we get it recorded early enough tonight so I can get it edited). Thanks for stopping by. TTTT....MITM (lifting that barge and toting that bale). TA!

SLACKERS UNITS!

I HATE SLACKERS

It's Friday or, as we in the business call it, Thursday. Yesterday was a super long day. I got off from work at 06:00 (that is just slang because I haven't gotten off from work since I was a fluffer in the adult film industry - yes, ladies need fluffing too) and then had to be in Darien for a 09:00 Union Stewards Training class. I am the vice president and I went with our shop steward. I still am wondering why our president didn't want to attend. I am sure it was because we worked all night and then spent eight hours at the class and then headed back home in Chicago rush-hour traffic. Then I had to be back at work at 22:00. I ended up getting three hours of sleep for about 33 hours. After all of that I only got six hours of sleep today. And, when I got to work last night, three people had called in sick so I had to do multiple things at work. In a way they did me a favor so I remained very busy for the entire shift so didn't get too sleepy. Our job is one that everything needs to be done every night. If someone doesn't show it falls on the ones there to do the work. This is one of the things I dislike about Unions - these slackers are protected. Maybe they elected the wrong guy V.P. huh? Most jobs have things that can wait but, when it comes to public safety, nothing can wait - safety has to be 100% 100% of the time. Good thing we had most of our good employees working last night. So, now I am starting to feel sick. I wish I could be like some of these people some of the time. No I don't.

Some people run out of sick time and are "in deduct." How can you take time that you don't have? I would say that, if you don't have the hours to take off and you don't have them in the bank, you don't get paid. I have almost 200 hours of sick hours in "the bank." I could be sick for over a month and get paid. And, if I wanted to be sick longer I guess I could just borrow from future hours. I wonder if there were a program that people got a bonus at the end of the year for unused sick time they would be healthier? If you're sick you're sick but, I know better in many of these cases. I don't know but I know, you know?

It wasn't quite this blatant

The seminar was really good and I am happy I went. I have a whole new understanding of what I am doing. Yes, I realize that it was pretty much a commercial put on by the Union and their twelve lawyers (they seriously had like twelve lawyers as speakers throughout the day) but, it was very informative. There were probably 100 - 150 people there. It was at a country club and I kept hoping that someone would stop in and try to rob the place. Pretty much everybody at the seminar was openly carrying weapons and a crook would have ended up having a REALLY BAD DAY!

Splenda comes home tonight for the weekend. That always makes me really happy. Cha Cha is driving down to Champaign to pick her up in a couple of hours. It's been a long time since she has been home. It's hard for her to get away with going to school full-time and working three part-time jobs. She is a great person. As long as I have great kids I know I will never be seen as a failure - thanks for that kids.

I am going to try to get some sleep before work to see if I can feel a little better before work. Listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast please - you thought I'd forget to whore myself out didn't you? Once a fluffer always a fluffer.

I probably won't get to blog again until Sunday or Monday. Splenda will be here and my dad just had knee surgery so I will have to get over and see him this weekend too. Have a great Frinight, Saturday and Saturnight. Thank you for reading and listening. TTT SU or M...MITM (cough zzz cough zzz) TA!

I Call B.S.!!!!

Today I really wish I lived in the St. Louis area. I wake up from what you'd call a nap - I call it a Kaiser Blade my nightly (daily) sleep - and MY St. Louis Cardinals are playing a day game. Perfect weather and a day game. Thankfully, it's being televised but I'd rather be sitting in the stands. AND, to make it better, the Cubs are beating the Pirates 1-0. Oh, scratch that, the Pirates just tied the game. Who the Helser walks in the tying run - Da Cubs! GO CUBS! (I won't say that very often). As long as the Cardinals continue to stay ahead of the Nationals it doesn't MATTer much what the Pirates do but a win with their loss will make it easier for post season. That Matt Adams home run right now helps too. I am going to get to a post-season game this year. It's been a few years since I have gone to a play-off or World Series game and I am gonna die sooner than later so I had better do it again sooner than sooner gets here. The Reds are losing 1 - 0 too. I don't like rooting against people - it's just easier for the Cards to win; I'd rather be positive than negative.

That positive/negative thing just made me think about something to talk about on this coming week's podcast. I just did a virtual Post-It note so I wouldn't forget. Speaking of that, the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast was uploaded yesterday. I hope you listen and enjoy it. It is also available free on iTunes!

I am going to get some more sleep before work tonight because after I get off tomorrow morning I have to go to that all-day Union training meeting. Why in the Hell did I ever run for office? It seemed like a great idea at the time when we were trying to topple the previous administration. I have never been that much of a pro-Union kinda guy. I realize their importance in history and I understand that, without them, many more people in this country would get screwed because there are a lot of douche bags in this world/country;  it's a Catch 22.  So, I will serve for awhile and then step down and let some of these youngsters take over. I ain't no Jimmy Hoffa or Norma Rae. Based on the Union we are members of and that it IS a Union meeting I bet there will be doughnuts (or donuts). I have a hard time saying no to an apple fritter (I know that is hard to Imagine with my Ferrigno physique). That capitalized and italicized Imagine is my attempt at foreshadowing (you are smart enough to figure it out).

What's the deal with "poking" on Facebook? I have a list of people who I poke/get poked by/with. A few seem like they are for a reason and some just are "I am thinking about you" or "hello" pokes. One of my very good friends and I "poke" each other to let the other know that it's their turn on Words with Friends. At least that seems to be what our pokes are about. It doesn't take any effort and I am neither bothered by or excited by pokes - I am just curious. I am bothered by what I just saw on the poke page, however. Now they are suggesting people I should poke. What does Facebook get out of me poking you or versa visa? Is it just to increase our dependence on Facebook so they can sell more advertising? I know it's about money and, for now, that's where they get our money (advertising). They will charge for Facebook one day I am convinced.

The Reds lost. The Cardinals won. The Cubs could still beat the Pirates. Cubs are now leading 4-1. Even if it's only two for three the important one happened - CARDS WIN, CARDS WIN! Or, as Jack Buck would have said, "That's a Cardinal Winner!"

I am gonna break off here now. I am fairly certain that there will be no blog tomorrow. I may take my laptop with me though, now that I think of it, because they will probably have WiFi and if I am bored I may blog, who knows? It's at a hotel in Bolingbrook so I am sure they will have WiFi.

One more thing since a commercial came on while I am watching the Cubs' game (yes, I watch some Cubs' games). That new race car movie Rush is opening soon. They are calling it "Ron Howard's best movie". B.S.!!!! It's a race car movie. Cinderella Man, The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Apollo 13, Far and Away, Parenthood, Splash, Cocoon, Willow, Nightshift, A Beautiful Mind... and this is his best film? Bull Loney! I don't blame Opey - I blame the lying Hollywood media hype. LIARS!

TTT I Blog ya! Have a great day/night and tomorrow and for being here. Thanks a lot for stopping in TA!

Money Monday!

Happy Monday. I Do like Mondays, tell me why... (If you don't know of that to which I refer search "Boomtown Rats" on you computing device).

Today started out pretty well. I went to the store, as I do many Monday mornings, and I found some cash lying at the entrance of the store. There was nobody around and, other than the three or four employees in the store this early, I was The Omega Man. It's always great to find cash and first thing on your Monday morning? WOW! There was a receipt lying with the money and the person who lost the cash had paid with cash, which made cents or sense since the cash on the ground was probably change for their purchase even though it was all bills and no change. Why is metal money called change and it's also called change if you get paper money back from a purchase? Our language must be so confusing for people learning it. Anyway, what do you do when you find cash? I think it's different in different circumstances. Find money in the forest or on the street I'd say you keep it - you're never gonna find who that money belongs to. I did what most stupid people like me do. I took the money, along with the receipt, to the Service Desk and gave it to the lady working there. Maybe someone will come back for the money. Maybe they will watch the security tape based on the time stamp on the receipt and it will be a regular customer and they will give it to them the next time they come into the store. Maybe someone who works at the store will pocket it. Maybe someone will think, "hey, found money is lucky money" and they will buy a Powerball ticket and win $600,000,000. It was money that helped me write today's blog - money well not spent. Smile on me karma ;)

Yesterday was my second Sunday off under my new work schedule. So far I am loving having a  real weekend day off. With the beginning of the new NFL season coinciding with my new-found Sundays off you'd think that I would have watched a lot of football. I have not seen more that three of four plays of any football game other than most of the Northern Illinois University game that was on television in the bar the night of my birthday bash. I like to watch football a great deal but I like my friends and family A LOT more.

Yesterday Cha Cha and I went to down to Matthiesson State Park in Utica, Illinois for the Vintage Illinois wine festival. We met MADYM and her friend Bill there. We had a really good time. The weather was perfect and the company was even better. We sampled a lot of wine and watched a lot of people and listened to live music and just had a great time. I am sure you will hear about it on Cha Cha's Wining. I don't know if it was the wine or what but Cha Cha and I think we have come up with what may be our next phase of Dirty Laundry Podcast. It seems exciting. And, speaking of Dirty Laundry Podcast, we have not recorded this week's show yet. We will probably record it tonight and I will have to edit it almost immediately because this is a crazy week. Why did I ever volunteer to be Vice President of the local chapter of my Union at work? I am thinking it will be short-lived (by my choice) but a change in our previous situation needed to be made so... get involved or shut-up and I have a hard time shutting-up when something is amiss.

I have to get some laundry done and mow the lawn. I am so amazing that I can do there things simultaneously - thank you technology! I have lots more to do too but these are the priorities at the moment. Maybe I should have kept that cash and hired someone to do all of my todos for me. Maybe karma will help me there huh? Have a great day and thanks for stopping by. I will let you know when the podcast finally gets recorded and is up. I am not sure if we will talk about out new podcast idea but you will be among the first to know when we are ready to reveal our news. TTTT (most likely)...MITM (out) TA!

The Mystery Winged Blog!

This is the mystery country - I am impressed if you now know

Today is Thursday already. Last week at this time it was only Tuesday I know, it's your Friday....bragger. Who will be laughing on my Sunday when you're going back to work?

We got a new country listening to Dirty Laundry Podcast. It's a country that I have never ever ever heard of and I love counties. I even married a country girl. Oh, I just looked it up and I actually work with somebody from this country. Apparently, the name of the country is different from what we call it. I am not going to tell you what it is because then I would have one less thing to talk about on the show. Plus, I need to be a better tease to get people to listen to the best podcast I have ever been a part of.

Last night (actually, like 03:00 this morning in your world) I saw something really cool; at least I though it was pretty cool. I was outside near a building that looks like a castle. I am not talking like / resembling a castle I am talking like it IS a castle that has another purpose now. It looks EXACTLY like most castles that you are picturing in your head right now. Okay, there is no moat nor drawbridge but every other part of that castle that is still in your head (now without a drawbridge or a moat) is there. There were dark rain clouds above the castle and all of a sudden a very large winged creature took off from atop the castle and started heading my way. Was it a hawk? No. Was it a falcon? No. Was it an eagle? No. Was it a pterodactyl? No, they don't exist anymore. As it got above me I realized what it was. What winged thing (other than a gargoyle because, that would easily be the coolest thing flying off a castle - especially since this castle has dozens and dozens of gargoyles surrounding the top as well as many near the ground. Or a bat or a vampire those would be cool too) would be one in a castle? Think Hogwarts! HUGE HINT - it was flying and making a sound like "who who... who who". Yes, it was an owl and it was whoing while flying right over my head. Better whoing that pooing. I think owls are pretty cool. It's ironic that on last week's podcast I talked about a new animal that I saw at work and then this happens. I have heard many owls at work but this is the first one that I saw flying from a castle above me.

OMG - Little House on the Prairie is on. Am I lucky or what? I may have to flip back and forth between this and Pretty Woman. I would usually be thinking about sleeping before going to work but since I was really sleepy yesterday with going to Chicago right after work and then working all night I slept pretty good today (about seven hours which is a lot for me). Maybe that is the key; if I sleep every other day I will sleep well and hour-wise it will probably equal the same amount of time. Driving into Chicago yesterday took about 3 1/2 hours (rush hour) yet driving home, the EXACT same route, took only about an hour (72 miles each way).

I have a few things to get done before getting ready for work I don't know if I will be able to blog tomorrow and Sunday we are heading to a wine festival down by Starved Rock and will record the show so I probably won't blog again until Monday. Let me know if you are gonna be at the wine festival and we will have to drink together. I imagine it would be quite a thrill for you to have wine with Cha Cha - host and creator of Cha Cha's Wining (or whining). If you need/want info about the wine thingy let me know and I will pass it along.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and for listening to the show - it tickles me pink (whatever that means). TTTMonday unless I see you Sunday... MITM (out) TA!

Time Is On The Blog. Yes, It Is!

The one in The MIDDLE looks like our new dog, Jeff

Time sure does get away from us doesn't it? Tomorrow is Thursday already; my Wednesday now. After I get off work tomorrow morning I get to fight rush-hour traffic and go pick Cha Cha up in Chicago. I hope I can manage to get enough sleep tonight so it will go painlessly. She could take the train but what else could I be going? Sleeping? Thursdays are apparently going to be pains for me for awhile. Next Thursday, right after I get off work, I have to go to Darien to Union training. I am Vice President of our local M.A.P. Union (414 - REPRESENT!) chapter and they are having an all-day training. So, next week I get to get off and go sit until 16:00 and then fight rush-hour traffic coming back out West and come home and try to get a few winks before heading back into work at 22:00. Why in the Helser did I even volunteer to be a Union officer? The thrill of the race? When things aren't going the way you feel they should you need to either get involved or shut-up. If you know me well enough you know that when I don't like something I have a problem shutting-up. Truth be told I am not even that big of a fan of Unions. They do serve their purposes (especially in history in America) but they have also made quite a few people lazy in my opinion. The whole Seniority deal is ridiculous - whatever happened to job performance, knowledge and attitude? But, then I think about the fast food employees barely make a living-wage and I like Unions. It's a necessary paradox I suppose.

While discussing time getting away from me I thought how it seems forever since I launched a new episode of Dirty Laundry Podcast but the realized the new load was added only two days ago. 204 people have listened since then - why am I so obsessed with the numbers? I think I create my own street but, don't we all?

The creator of Beanie Babies (H. Ty Warner) has been charged with felony tax evasion. I never knew what TY, Inc. stood for. He has to pay more that $53,000,000. Imagine what that dude must have made when that whole craze was going on if that is is bill for tax evasion. He had $3.1 Million in a secret Swiss bank account from foreign sales. Not too secret I guess. Do you know how many army knives that could have bought? We were caught-up in that stupid thing. I remember sitting in line at McDonald's for hours (not all at the same time) to get the new Beanie Baby of the week. I think we still have some of them in the garage still sealed in their plastic bags. It seems so easy to get rich in this country yet not many of us are. I like to believe that it's because most of us, you and me for sure, don't want to take advantage of people to get rich. I don't want to be rich I just want people to kiss my butt and do everything for me all the time. And, I don't want to stress about money - not rich, just cash-full.

I have got to go over and get some bird seed. I was supposed to get it a couple of days ago but I forgot. If I get it today Cha Cha will not know that I didn't get it already. Happily, she does not read the blog. She does listen to the podcast though. Maybe she does read the blog and she is letting these little mia culpas go and waiting for a biggie? I like to believe that I am smart enough not to write about the big ones - like my secret Swiss bank account. I hear thunder outside so I better get to the store since Judge Judy got bumped for Queen Latifah.  So, tomorrow will be rush hour drive in the rain?  Even funner. I like Queen Latifah but wish she could have bumped Dr. Phil instead. Have a great night - stay dry. TTTT (perhaps) ...It's always a surprise! Thanks, as always, for being here and listening to the show. TA!

Come Whine With Me!

I have had a pretty good weekend. It worked out well that my days-off (my weekend) switched to the two days after I had a vacation day (Saturday). So, today is my Sunday now and I go back to work tomorrow. I got together with a bunch of friends Saturday night (the reason that I used my vacation day). It was great to see all of them. Many I had not seen in quite awhile and many I see more regularly; it was wonderful to see ALL OF THEM.

Last night I took Cha Cha to Chicago. She is at a conference at McCormick Place and she's staying at the Hyatt Regency right at McCormick Place; very nice hotel. We had dinner and then watched Breaking Bad in very comfy beds (we are old so we were both lying in separate beds) and then I drove home in the rain. I would have spent the night but I love driving home in the rain at night in Chicago. Not really, but I did anyway. I had to make sure Fabio got off to school and I had to take Jeff to South Elgin to the veterinarian; he's going regularly to get all of his puppy shots and vaccinations... He's doing really well but he feels like he has to "do his business" in the house. Luckily, we have all wood/vinyl flooring on the main level of the house but it's still a pain in the buttocks. So, after he went to the bathroom on the floor I put him outside and cleaned it up. He doesn't seem to get it yet. It's like he can be out there for hours and he holds it to mark his territory in the house. He will get it - AS DOG IS MY WITNESS HE WILL GET IT!

I will finish this in a bit - Fabio and I a are going to Buffalo Wild Wings - Cha Cha hates that place so every time she's gone we eat there. MMMMMM Buffalitos! It may be crowded with Monday Night Football tonight but who cares? Did I mention Buffalitos?

Okay, we've been home for awhile now but Fabio was outside shooting baskets and I decided to go be rebounder. It won't be that long before basketball try-outs and he's determined to make the team this year. He's a Junior this year so it's Varsity time. He's about 6'4" and he has a really good outside shot so I don't think there is much problem. He and his buddy Adam are starting to workout three days a week at the YMCA (young men...). It sounds like they are short on height so that is certainly in his favor and he is quick and a good ball handler... I try not to think like a father but some of that may come through by accident.

Jeff is turning into a horndog. Is that normal at his age? He was only born in May. He gets the snip-snip in about four-five weeks so enjoy it now Jeff - unless I catch you than you get sprayed!

I got Dirty Laundry Podcast uploaded today. This next show we will begin recording on Sundays. It may make it easier for people to be on the show rather than on Tuesday or Wednesday night. We will have to try to fit it in this week because we are going to a wine festival down near Starved Rock (Vintage Illinois). We went last year and we had a good time. We went with MADYM and we are going again with her this year. Let me know if you're gonna be down there and we will hook-up. I predict an extensive Cha Cha's Wining (or is it Cha Cha's Whining?) within the next week or so. Maybe we will even record portions of the show live from down there. I guess it would actually "recorded live for podcast" but it's our show and we can call it whatever we want LOL.

I am spent. It's been a long day and I am much older now. New decades make for new excuses. Thank a lot for stopping by. I go back to work tomorrow but I should still be able to blog maybe tomorrow. If you haven't even listened to the podcast you are really ripping yourself off. You owe yourself to be entertained for free don't you? I hope you have a great rest of whatever time it is when you read this. TTTT...MITM (zzzzzzzzzz on the horizon) TA! Come drink wine with us Sunday ;)

Heil Fitness!

Heil Fitness!

My three day weekend has begun. The first thing I did was went and worked-out. I have to do it or I won't do it. That actually makes sense to me but you are smarter than I am so it may really be a stupid statement. I think it was yesterday that I mentioned the top Pandora stations I have listened to while working-out. Add Queen to that list. Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and subscribed to Pandora. I like the free version because, of course, it's free but for $3.99 / month it's was a lot nicer without any commercials. I worked-out for an hour and not one commercial. I can cancel my subscription at any time but I think $3.99/month is a good deal. If they get greedy like Netflix did awhile back I may change my mind.

I am really tired. I got off of work and changed clothes and went right to the gym. I have noticed, mainly because of all of the logos hanging up at Anytime Fitness, that their logo looks a lot like a swastika. Cha Cha thinks I am nuts. She's probably partially correct but it still looks like a swastika to me. She thinks it's simply a guy running but wouldn't that be a clever way of hiding one of the greatest symbols of hatred and stupidity in the history of man and womankind? Am I supporting the new Aryan nation? Is it a coincidence that all of the trainers are very good looking too?

I took a nap because that's what old people who work all night and then work-out and go out to breakfast after work do. Weird that I still call it a nap when it is normally the time I sleep. Actually, if I slept at night THAT would be a nap. I still feel tired but I have to get moving because there is something going on tonight that I have to be present to or it will be my hide. If you're bored head out to Matty's Fatty's and be part of what may be a Celebrity in His Own Mind Roast. Come on out if you're really hard-up for entertainment or just want to feel better about yourself. Happy to help.

Cha Cha is leaving me. I cannot believe it took her this long. She says she is going away for a week for a conference for work but that really just gives he a week's head start before I looking for her. Pretty smart. The least I can do is give her a head start. It makes it more of a challenge for me too. Only one day after I get past the hump of life - coincidence?

The Northern Illinois University football team plays the the Idaho Vandals (University of Idaho) today. Who in the hell calls their college football team The Vandals? BRB - I gotta see what that is about. The stupid name is because a century ago their defense "vandalized" opponents. Their colors are silver and gold (I know you're hearing that song from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer in you head) supposedly to honor the state's mining industry. Shouldn't they be The Spuds? What in the hell could their mascot look like? I think NIU, who just beat the Iowa Hawkeyes last week and were in The Orange Bowl last year, will probably win. In sports, however, nothing is guaranteed. Well, there are some guarantees associated with The Cubs but they defy all laws of everything. Like, how are they so beloved? I must say that I really do admire their fans' loyalty.

I have to start getting ready for the beginning of my farewell tour. Maybe I'll see you there if my glaucoma isn't acting up. I probably won't remember your name so don't be offended. Thanks a lot for spending a few moments with me - it does an old soul good. Have a great rest of your weekend. I probably won't blog again until Monday if I live that long. TTTM?...MITM (what was I saying?) Ta!

Birthday Clause

I love that the place where I work-out has WiFi. I have been listening to Pandora while I work-out and the top three "stations" for me are: Pink, AC/DC and The Black Eyed Peas. There are others that are good too but, for me, I have found these to be the top ones. Van Halen is pretty good too.

I got an early birthday present last night / early this morning. My days-off switch at work takes full effect tomorrow. I get both Sunday and Monday off starting this Sunday. I work tonight and then , including the vacation day I am using for tomorrow night, I get three days off and don't have to be back at work until Tuesday night. Yes, Virginia there is a Birthday Claus! Or is that clause?

Another fun thing is that the dryer repair dude is here right now replacing the drum that wasn't supposed to be here until next week - all of this on Friday the 13th. 13 has always been my favorite number. I always chose it when available while playing any sport. Let's see how lucky I really am when he gets done and I cut the $350 check. Will the Birthday Fairy intercede and knock the price down a bit? I should get 50 wishes right? I am happy he is here early so I can get some sleep. I don't think I have slept since I got home from work. I want to start editing Dirty Laundry Podcast but now that I have Sunday off I have some extra time to make sure to have it up for Monday. I wonder if we will begin recording on Sundays this week - probably.

No such luck - The cost of the dryer repair was $352.80. At least there wasn't the old, "it ended up costing a little more than we thought..." business. I always hate that argument. The dryer is quieter than it has been in a long time.

I wish I lived closer to St. Louis. Only for one reason really which is why I don't live closer. I have an opportunity to buy play-off tickets for the Cardinals' Wild Card and/or National League Championship Series tickets. I will wait and buy some World Series tickets and then maybe use some of the 300 sick hours that I have accumulated for being so healthy. I wish I could sell some of those hours to the people who seem to be "sick" all of the time at work. It would be easier to think about buying tickets if I lived closer to the Gateway to the West. Fabio and I went to the 2006 World Series when he was nine-years-old and it was a lot of fun. Good old-fashioned father-son fun (the "old" part refers to me). Thankfully, Fabio is smart enough to like the Cardinals too. Brain-washing I guess. We may have seen one of the last World Series Albert Pujols will ever be in; he was also in the Series in 2011 with the Cardinals.

I want to try to get a work-out in today. I am getting addicted to working-out again. I am happy about that. It helps quite a few things. Sleep needs to get in there someplace too so the blog may have to come to an end for today. Nap is calling and then maybe a work-out this afternoon before my Friday on a Friday. What? A real Friday attached to a three-day weekend? It must be Friday the 13th!!!! I may get over to the Halloween store today (or tomorrow) too because I may try to resemble an old man (quite a stretch I know) for the party in my honor tomorrow night. I bet the Halloween stores have a lot of stuff right now since it is still a bit early for costume shopping even though it feels like Fall outside today - I love it. I will get some photos if that happens

Me getting ready for make-up to look old. A good pallet huh?

Thanks for being here. I am unsure whether I will blog tomorrow or not. I will try to write at least once over my three day weekend. Remember to embrace Friday the 13th. I think Yam Kapor begins at sundown tonight too. What a busy weekend - happy I can chillax and enjoy some of it. I hope you can too. Have a great whatever you celebrate. If you're really, really bored tomorrow I will be at Fatty's with my security detail so don't get any cheeky ideas because they will bring you down to Chinatown (in a carryout box). TTT sometime within the next three days...MITM (out). TA!

MATTALITY (Mortality of Matt)

It's kind of starting to sink-in that I am somewhere near half-time in my life. The game may get called early because of weather or a power outage or it may go into overtime (albeit a short one if any) but a very low percentage of people live longer than twice my current age. I am not sure I would even want to live that long unless the second half is as interesting as Jack Crabb's or Benjamin Button's lives were. I am not being melancholy I am just writing a blog. I do not want to outlive my children - that would be awful I think. Even if they died of old age. I have mixed feelings on whether or not I would like to outlive Cha Cha. On one side I'd like her to go first so she would not have to go through the pain of seeing me die (not being pompous but I always have a need to make sure everybody else is happy - well, almost always). But, on the other side, I don't know how she could possibly go on without the tremendous joy and entertainment (due to my moronic antics) that I must provide her. It is just funny how nothing has changed other than me getting closer to a number that someone, somewhere, at some point in history, decided should mean "old" but I am starting to question everything.

A real sad thing is that I just joined AARP (Accidental Animal Recovery Patrol Association of American Retired Persons) today. I did it as sort of a goof so I can wear the photo of my AARP card as a name tag at my surprise birthday party Saturday night but it sure made me think. It is a surprise party even though I know about it because, at my age, I will forget about it within the next two days. It made me sad to think that at one point in the history of America people retired at 50-years-old. Now people are lucky if they can retire when they are 75 if at all. It has a great deal to do with selfishness from the upper 3% not giving two craps about the lowly 97%. I saw it so much at my previous job. I made more money then but I am sooooooo much more happy now. Even the people I worked for will not be able to retire early (three of the four of them are older than I am) because they think everyone thinks like they do and they cannot trust others to manage their businesses. A crook always think he is being robbed. Maybe I will get a discount on my adult diapers and orthopedic shoes now? I hear travel is cheaper - that's a really cool one. If you pay for your funeral in advance do you get the AARP discount? Then there would be more $ to take with me.

Good company to be in I suppose (in some ways)

Last night Cha Cha and I began working-out at Anytime Fitness at 22:14 (I did legs). That's one of the reasons I have begun checking-in wherever I go on The Facebook with my phone (when I remember). I like to be able to reference my times if I blog or podcast about something because at my advanced age...(sorry I fell asleep). I also think that maybe if something bad goes down in the world and the perp (that's shop-talk for perpetrator) is handsome and dashing and looks like me I will have a flimsy alibi. Flimsy is better than none at all. But, with that information they can go to the security cameras wherever I checked-in and see that I was there. I will not talk about the body-double that I have on staff (TWSS). I always have fake movie and novel scenes in my head. We thought that, by working-out so late, we would have the gym to ourselves. WRONG! I am going to go back and do arms today at about 12:30 and see if the real people are all working and I will be alone. I don't mind other people there but I like to get on the equipment I use and I am too old to wait now - time is precious all of aarp sudden. Some of the people there inspire me to work-out harder though (not sure if that was the best adjective to use there).

I am getting a little long in the paragraph today.

Tonight I am on foot at work. I basically will walk for about seven hours straight. I won't necessarily walk straight but the seven hours will be a continuous seven hours. That is why I did legs last night and will do arms today. I will sort of get another leg work-out tonight with all of the foot patrol. So, I work tonight, work tomorrow night, I took off Saturday night for something - I will have to scroll back up to remember why, I work Sunday and then I get Monday off when I begin my new schedule of having Sundays and Mondays off.

I am gonna start getting ready to head over to work-out. There may be a salad lunch in my future after that too (check my Facebook to see where I check-in if you're a hit-man looking for the bounty). Remember not to tell me about the surprise party on Saturday night at Fatty's in DeKalb starting at 18:00. Thanks a lot for stopping by. The new Dirty Laundry Podcast was recorded last night and I will have to try to figure out how to get it edited with the schedule changing and all but it should be up by Monday (as I usually shoot for).

Have a great rest of your life (starting with today and tonight). TTTT (unless I forget)...MITM (out). Hey, I just thought of a new joke that isn't funny. What does an old dog say? "AARP AARP!" TA!

Raiders of the Lost Laundromat

Adventures In Laundry Searching

Yesterday I did the real laundry and then Cha Cha and I went to the laundromatt to get the clothes dried (please read yesterday's blog for details why this was attempted). It sounds simple enough but it wasn't as easy as you might think. Seemed elementary in theory: load the clothes into the 4Runner, drive to the laundromat, unload the baskets of washed clothing, bed linens and towels, put the wet stuff into the dryers, put ten bucks into the change machine and act like you just won the slots in Atlantic City as the quarters spill-out, put the coins into the machines, wait while they dry and then fold them, sort them into the baskets, load them back into the car and take them home and carry them back into the house. BUT, I always have a big but... But...

We got to the first laundromat (yes, I said "the first laundromat") on South 3rd Street cleverly named Third Street Laundry at 22:09 and were excited to see that the place was empty. It was empty because they closed at 22:00. So, we drove to Laundry Lounge in The Junction Center. This one was great - a big screen television, game room, pool tables, movies and a sign that read "last loads at 8:30PM." We then drove to Dubble Bubble. Dubble Bubble is near the Cabrini-Green of our town (actually, many people were literally moved there from Cabrini-Green when it was closed and demolished in Chicago). It has been in many gang and horror films over the years. I believe it was also in Basketball Diaries and Keanu Reeves' Hard Ball among many other films and television shows. The Evans family lived here too on Good Times. Anyway, we got to the place and there were several people there (I knew they were open 24-hours per day) and we carried the five baskets of laundry into the place. When we had driven up I noticed a sign that read, "free dry with every load of wash." We got to the large wall of empty dryers and I went to the change machine. As I walked a lady pointed to a sign that read something like, "no clothes dried here that were not washed here." Signs, signs everywhere signs." There was no way to pay for the dryers. Maybe this was the sign that saved our lives? So, we loaded up the truck and went to the other side of town (not Beverly) which is predominantly Hispanic. This was the Epcot tour of attempting laundry. We found a place on North 6th Street called Launder Inn. We went in, loaded five dryers and finally began to dry our clothes, linens and towels. And, now I have something to blog about.

Tonight we record the other kind of Dirty Laundry. My entire life seems to be about Laundry these day. Maybe that is destiny when your name is Matt huh? I bet we talk about doing laundry on Dirty Laundry Podcast. The newest show was just launched yesterday in case you unaware.

We had free Cinemax and HBO this past weekend and I went through the channel guide and set the DVR for many things. Right now, while I write to you, I am watching one of the many Boardwalk Empire episodes that were recorded. I have loved this show since the beginning but only get to watch it occasionally when there are these free preview weekends that they rarely advertise. I would subscribe to a premium channel but most of the things I have no interest in watching. I check every Friday to see if there happens to be free premium channels. I'd say the last series I liked this much was when I watched Deadwood. They are kind of similar other than from different eras. I like shows about hoodlums and law-and-order based on historical  events.

I guess today is 9/11 isn't it? I don't want to say much more about that because no MATTer how I put it I would sound insensitive. I have often times been told that I am "too sensitive" or "overly sensitive" so I guess I could burn some sensitivity points but I will keep my big trap shut. It was a tragic, scary and sad day but, unfortunately, that kind of tragedy happens every day in many counties. I will always be sad for the families that lost loved-ones that day.

I think I am going to start watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Splenda has been telling me how great it is for months and months. I could even watch it while I work-out - at least the cycling part of the work-out.

Have a great whatever you want to be great. I appreciate you listening to the podcast and reading the blog. I hope they make you smile and/or think once in awhile. Hey, this is my last Wednesday off. This will be a weird work week. My whole life changes pretty much right as I enter my second half-century; a new chapter along with a new cover I reckin'. TTTT...MITM (out).

A Dog's Life of Dinner and Laundry

This is even more convoluted as I thought

I am pretty sure Jeff is very comfortable here now. What is four months in dog-years to human years? I am pretty sure he is like a toddler somewhere around the terrible twos now. Maybe he is early teenage? By that table over there -----> he may be seven or eight. Nobody told me that there would be math in owning a dog. I really miss Maisy.

Last night was my last Monday night working (for now because who in the Helser knows what could happen?). My nights off change starting Monday because that is the start of our new pay period. So, I will now have Sundays and Mondays as my Saturdays and Sundays; I'm getting closer to normal even though the night thing will probably never change. That means I work this week Thursday and Friday, I am taking Saturday off because there is a surprise party in my honor that I read about on The Facebook, then I work my last Sunday and have Monday off and then work Tuesday through Saturday and get on my new pseudo-normal schedule. It's cool to have Sundays and Mondays off during football season.

I am listening to one of the most entertaining, smart and funny podcasts that I have ever heard. Some chick named Chi Chi and a dude named The Masturbator or something. It's really good but they need to work on those names - their parents must have hated them. It's free on iTunes and at http://dirtylaundry1.podomatic.com/.     

I just talked to the fine people at Samsung and even though our dryer has something that a guy who has worked on dryers for decades has never seen (a dryer's drum that is seared - yes, the METAL drum is shredded in the back) it is not covered under any warranty because we have had the dryer for over a year. We aren't knights of the round table; we aren't drying chain-mail in the dryer. It's mostly cotton and maybe some polyester and rayon and any of those primary fabrics we all wear and sleep on. How in the hell does the drum get shredded? All those loads of Dirty Laundry Podcast I guess. Who gets a Samsung dryer anyway- moron? Did it come with headphones? So, now the new drum and belt and labor are going to be about $350.. The drum should be in next week. In the meantime, I am washing all of the dirty laundry (no link this time) here and I am going to go the Laundry Matt (maybe that should be my podcast moniker?) later to dry the clothes. I told Cha Cha of this plan and she said she wants to go with me. Who knew that we both like laundroMATTs? Maybe we should just save the $350 and pay in quarters on a need-to-use basis. Sounds good until winter.Date nights get even more exciting when you are married for a long time huh? I am thinking maybe we will go to Double Bubble and go over to Lukolo's for a salad. Double Bubble is open 24-7 and Lukolo's is open until like 4AM and they do have good salads.

I have to wrap-up. When Fabio gets home we are going to the bank. He wants to get a debit card because carrying cash is so inconvenient. He has a savings account but he will probably need to have a checking account to get a debit card. Since he is 16 I think I will have to be on the account I am supposing.

Have a great rest of your day and night. Thanks for stopping in. If you're over by Double Bubble later come find us. There is Huskie's Pizza and Jimmy John's there too. Or, if we are thirsty - Rosy's Roadhouse. I will check-in on The Facebook - it's like the new LoMatt (Lojack).What a great laundry date night this might be? Maybe one of these weeks we should record the podcast from an actual laundromat. TTTT...MITM (out to start a new load). TA!

The Blog Abides

Not that Jeff - That's "The Dude!"

I have a great idea for an invention inspired by Jeff. I think that is going to be the name of a new company that I may start soon - Inspired By Jeff (patent pending/trademark/copyright). He's only been here a couple of days and he's pretty much running the place. He's not doing anything bad he has just changed our lifestyles for the better. Last night Cha Cha, Fabio, Jeff and I all went for a walk. This morning Fabio was up and ready for school before my alarm went off to get him up. He got up to let Jeff out of his cage and feed and walk him. I guess when we got Maisy Fabio was only three or four so this is the first pet that we have had that maybe he feels like is more his responsibility than any one else's. As I write this Jeff is in the Tiki Room licking the floors. See, we even get our floors cleaned because of Jeff (Inspired By Jeff).

Today I have to wait for the dryer repair man. I like hanging clothes outside but winter is coming so we'd better get the dryer fixed; it went out last week. Towels some times get crunchy on the line too on hot days. The dryer started to make a loud clanking sound and then smelled like smoke or, more specifically, burning rubber and then just stopped tumbling. I think the drum belt broke. Or, the drum itself took a poop. Then, after the repair man is gone I have to take Jeff to South Elgin for his physical. Though we are considering training him for agility sports because he shows great promise in many of the events we need to take him to make sure he is sound of health. We got him at Petland and they pay for the first appointment so we can be assured that he is healthy. I cannot imagine we'd take him back at this point no MATTer what malady he might have. I also have some research to get done for Dirty Laundry Podcast and, of course, we will record the show tonight. Tomorrow morning Fabio has an orthodontist appointment... Now I can rest my mind knowing that if I forget what major things I have to do in the next 24 hours I can come back here and reference by schedule.

I think the regular season of the NFL (do I even need to say what that stands for anymore?) begins this week. That is one of many things that I am going to like about having Sundays and Mondays off beginning September 16th; I will get to watch football on Sundays and on Monday nights. Football is not an obsession with me. I like to watch it once in awhile. Family always comes first - I would rather spend Sundays doing family stuff. I thought I was going to play fantasy football again this year though. I got a call from a couple of guys from one of the old leagues who were wondering if I'd like to play and I said I would provided several of the idiots that were in our old league were not playing. They assured me that they did not want those guys to play either and they'd call me back but since I never got another call and I have no drafted players I am guessing that is not going to happen. Maybe I am one of the idiots others did want to play?

I made the mistake of thinking I could research and write this at the same time and now it's 13:07. I have to wrap this up so I can get some stuff done here and be ready for the repairman. Thanks for stopping by. I imagine I will write again tomorrow but with possibly editing the show tomorrow I am uncertain. I hope you have a good rest of the day and night. Talk to you when I blog to you. TTTT...MITM (off) TA!

I DO Have a Favorite Chickpea!

Without question my favorite chick Pea

We had Mediterranean food for dinner tonight. I am sure we will talk about it in detail when we record Dirty Laundry Podcast tomorrow night so I will not talk about it much more here. Did you know that chickpeas are really the same thing as garbonzo beans? They grow in pods like peas which is why the "pea" part of is there but where does the "chick" part of the word come from? Maybe back in the day the chicks did all of the cooking and such so maybe that is why they are called chickpeas? Fergie is easily my favorite chick pea.

Jeff has sure become comfortable here. I had to apologize to him as I said he was a Boarder Collie when he is actually a Border Collie. He seems like a Boarder Collie to me since he lives here now. I think he is actually upset because he is too smart. I have read-up on the breed and they are almost always listed as the most intelligent of all breeds of dogs. I have always liked the phrase "dumb dog" but I suppose I cannot use that on Jeff. He is really smart. I wish I had known that they were a Scottish breed because we probably would have named him Wally then (because of William Wallace). We all just got back from a family walk. We still miss Maisy but Jeff is keeping our minds occupied elsewhere most of the time. Today we got his dog tag. We got him a dog tag that actually looks like a dog tag - seemed logical. On the side that faces out it just says "Jeff." On the back, of course, it has our name, address and phone number.

William Wallace doesn't look like Mel!

I's 21:27 already. I am pretty tired and my go to bed soon. I like the nights when I can go to bed at a sort of real time. Tomorrow I have to take Jeff for his physical. We have to get him to the doctor for his first check-up withing four days of purchase or our warranty is void. It seems weird to have a warranty on a living being. Makes me think of the movie Roots. Even if he comes back to have a terminal illness or something he is a member of the family now and we'll deal with whatever comes along so it's sort of just a waste of time really.

I am going to bed. This seemed to be a great idea when I started but I kept getting side-tracked and now it's 22:37 and I can barely keep my eyes open. Have a great night and thanks a lot for stopping by. I may blog tomorrow but with the hopes of the veterinarian and recording the podcast I am not 100%. I promise I will try. TTTT (84%) TA!

Welcome to the Family Jeff!

I think it is weird that we honor the national labor movement (Labor Day) by taking the day off of work. That is why I refuse to participate in the shenanigans; I am going to work tonight. I will, however, accept the extra pay I get for working on Labor Day. Actually, as part of my refusal, I will take the comp hours. That's the way to truly honor the social and economic achievements of America. Why are none of these "holidays" celebrated on weekends? There are people who work weekend days that would like some of them off once in awhile too you know.

No thanks, I'll take the comp time!

I guess Cha Cha and Fabio are going to Geneva to pet dogs. I am not really sure what that is code for but I am thinking that maybe I should go with to monitor these activities. It seems like we are going to be getting a dog soon, huh? Why would you test drive a car if you weren't in the market to buy a car? Substitute the word "pet" for "test drive" and "dog" for "car" twice and I think it will all become crystal clear what is going on here. The real reason I am going to go is that there was mention of lunch there too. I could go for a salad somewhere. 

I will probably break here at 12:29 to get ready and will advise (probably in the next paragraph) when I have resumed blogging. This will give you time to get some Benadryl if you are allergic to dogs. It may be later today or it may be tomorrow which, if I am blogging tomorrow, will actually be today. So, I guess it will be today no MATTer when I resume my blogcast day. Whoa... if I DO decide to read the blog in podcast form I can call it a blogcast. That seems way too clever not to already exist but just in case - patent pending, trademark, copyright. 

We're back. It's a boy! We have a new member of the Helser household. He weighs 17.6 pounds and his name is Jeff. Though Maisy will never be able to be replaced Jeff will fill a void that she left. Jeff is a Boarder Collie that looks more like a German Shepard than a collie but photos on the interweb show that he looks like a Boarder Collie. It's weird. Maisy sounded like a tap-dancing mouse when she walked around the house and Jeff sound like a Shetland Pony. He's gonna be a great addition to the family. He is adjusting well and seems to like his new home. He came from Petland in Geneva so, of course, he will adjust well; our house is quite a bit larger than the cubicle he had previously lived-in. Welcome to the family Jeff Swanson. I just got "Jeff" approved after hours of work and it will probably take much longer to get "Swanson" passed. The thing that finally got the name "Jeff" approved was when Splenda texted Fabio saying, "I like Jeff and you just got a dog...call him Jeff" or something of that nature. Thanks Splenda! 

A Boy and his Jeff!

It is 19:01 now and I have to be in at 22:00. I would normally take a "nap" now but this is my Friday so I will be able to tough it out and struggle through until 06:00 tomorrow. Fabio and Jeff are lying on the floor watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Jeff has never seen television before and it was funny when we turned it on. He did one of those cartoon or old-time movie double-takes. They just went outside to go for a walk.

I am gonna sign-off cause I think I will chillax before heading in for my double-time (in a sense). Have a great night. Tomorrow is Tuesday for you already. Thanks for stopping by and reading the blog. I also appreciate you listening to the podcast and liking both on The Facebook. I should be able to blog again tomorrow; maybe Jeff is a literary genius and he can help. Better yet - a new intern for Dirty Laundry Podcast. TTTT...MITM Laboring out. TA!

He just took his first dump in the house. I am so glad that we have no carpeting on this level of the house. Jeff will not be welcomed to the second story carpeting. Man, bigger dogs have smelly poop. TA #2 (pun intended)

With Blog Comes Wisdom

And, with blogging and podcasting I've been told

It has been said that "with age comes wisdom." I always thought I understood that but now that I have more "age" I think I understand it even better. Now that I am older I realize that my wisdom comes from the knowledge that I don't really know as much as I thought I did before I gained more age. Do you suppose that is what is meant by this conundrum?

It is Labor Day weekend again. I found out that this is, in fact, one of the holidays that we get paid pretty much double time if we work. If we don't work I guess we get paid double time, in a way, in that we get a day off and also get paid for the holiday. Since I work at night I really get Labor DAY off already so I chose to work and get paid for working AND get paid for the holiday. I will probably take the "pay" as "comp time" which means that I get the hours in my "bank" to use as vacation hours later. Now, starting with our new pay period on September 16th, I will get Sundays and Mondays off rather than the highly coveted Tuesdays and Wednesdays that I now have (that last part was a lie - they aren't highly coveted). I already took Saturday, September 14th off and then I work the 15th because, even though that it's a Sunday it isn't in the new pay period. Nobody told me there would be math. Maybe I will us my comp day Sunday the 15th to get a three day weekend that week instead of two one day weekends with one day in between? Maybe I will just have two one day weekends and save the hours? Maybe I will just go out and party like a blog/pod star and be too sick to work on Sunday? I don't pretend sick so if that really happens it is a coincidence and not a play devise here right now.

There's a tornado on the ground southeast of us right now. I love storms though I am not a huge fan of tornadoes. I do like the Twister "ride" at Universal Studios Orlando though.

I am not sure why I decided to blog today because I am out of things to say. I suppose I should mention that there are two fairly new Loads of Dirty Laundry Podcast up if you haven't heard them yet. We got a huge influx of downloads in Australia again this week. We may have to take a promotional tour there one of these days. I'd love to go down under (TWSS). We should make Dirty Laundry Podcast into a legitimate business so we could start writing stiff like trips to Australia off.

Have a great Labor Day. Hopefully you have the day off unlike some of we losers. I may blog tomorrow but, then again, I may not. I will let you know if I do. Breaking Bad starts in 18 minutes. Thanks for stopping by and be careful with the fireworks tomorrow. Nevermind, wrong holiday. TTT???.....MITM (laboring out) TA!