Tell Me Why, I Don't Like Mondays!

I think I am going to start a new diet program called the LMAO Diet (patent/trademark/copyright). Wouldn't it be great if you could really just laugh your A off? I have to figure out how to make that happen. I would Laugh Matt's A Off (LMAO) but I am told that I have one of those flat-guy A's so there's nothing to laugh off. Plus my name would be Mtt if I laughed my A off (like my head - empty). If I can figure out the secret formula of the LMAO secret sauce laughter will not only be the best medicine it will also be the best diet program.

So, Sunday I continued the Matt In The Middle Memorial Howard Hughes Tour by going to see the B-17 at Corn Fest - alone. When I got there it was taxiing to the runway so I got to see it take off and after a half-hour land and taxi right back to where I was standing. I spoke to the pilot and he said it costs $2000 per hour to operate this aircraft. "She's an old gal that requires a lot of attention" (and her liquor apparently). Maybe if they got it tuned up it wouldn't smoke and drip oil all over the runway and you'd get better mileage. I got to see inside of the plane and I felt my mission was accomplished (cue Kenny Loggins music). Pilot to bombardier, pilot to bombardier, you may return to your home base... repeat, return to your home.

I arrived at Corn Fest at 10:00 Sunday morning when they opened and there was hardly anyone there. I suppose people were at church or still asleep. It was nice because since the Corn Fest is held at Dekalb Municipal Airport you get to drive right out onto the airport and park in the field. They closed off one of the runways and you drive down the runway. They should make our roads as smooth as runways (do you hear that RuPaul? - smooth runways!). Anywho, the speed limit said 20mph but I figured there was no one around and the runway was smooth and I am sure there are no cops shooting radar so I got 'er up to 80mph since I wasn't drivin' Miss Daisy. I felt like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys (yes, Will Smith AND Martin Lawrence both rolled up into one nice, sexy, old, white package).

When we were driving back from Southern MIDDLE-Illinois University earlier this week we passed through Arcola, Illinois. Sugar Momma told me that Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy were "invented" there. Non-MIDDLE-agers probably don't even know who they are. I figured Chachi must be from there but I don't think they've ever seen Happy Days either. Fortunately, most of you are MIDDLES of one type or another. The next town north of Chachi Arcola was Tuscola; wow, we sure do like our colas in Illinois. That's why we're the Land of 10,000 Colas.

Earlier this week I mentioned that a bull jumped into the stands and injured 40 people in Spain. Not five days later another catastrophe occurred in Spain. Colombian Pop-Star and Matt In The Middle Top Tenner Shakira is being fined for dancing in a fountain in her bikini and for riding a motorcycle without a helmet. From what I saw of the footage of her in the fountain they have odd bikinis in Spain. She had long pants and a jacket on with a bikini top showing through the unbuttoned jacket. I would gladly pay Shakira's fines if she would come dance in her bikini in a fountain in my town. Hey Spain...start worrying about a pop-star dancing in a fountain after you stop people from getting gored in your city streets; if I come over there you're gonna be sorry. You win one little World Cup Soccer championship and you think you're all that and a bag of tostadas. I saw a video of her dancing on YouTube about an hour ago but now all of the videos say there is a "copyright issue" and give a website to go to to view it but it was very, very tame. Do the Spanish and Colombians not get along?

Leave early Monday morning to get to work on time while dodging the daily blinking red lights attached to the big yellow torture-chambers. Be careful of the silicon chips. Blog you later Boom Town Ratter. TA!

** raggedy ann and andy photo unstuffed from thebeat.iloveny.com & no image available image (ironic?) availed from snf.stanford.edu **