On My Signal Unleash BLOG!!!!! CAVEAT EMPTOR

Here's the way smart people wait in line

Last night Cha Cha and I went to the funeral visitation for Scott Stouffer that I talked about in yesterday's blog. The visitation started at 1500 and we arrived just shortly after 1500. I did not know Scott personally, he was our friend Bill's brother. He was apparently very popular and well-loved because the place was packed. I could tell by everything that was said, what I saw and by everyone there that he must have been a pretty great guy. We parked close as somebody was leaving when we got there so I did not have to drop Cha Cha at the door. We walked-in and got in line. The lady greeting people at the door told somebody else that it was about an hour-long line. I knew there was no way that Jill was going to be able to stand that long. She was a trooper and about a half-hour later we were close to the main room. There were some chairs up ahead so I told her to go sit down and when I reached her up there she could just get back in line with me. Jill saw Bill's wife, our friend Jen who also is a frequent visitor of Northwestern Memorial Hospital, and they sat and visited with their war-stories and such until I reached them in line. Long story long, we made it to Bill and met his other brother, Steven (though it may be Stephen), and by the time we reached the end of the line Cha Cha was totally spent. I grabbed her hand and lead her to the front of the building where we came in; we had parked about four spots from the door. Normally I would have parked further so the older folks could take that spot but Cha Cha is only about 42% of where she should be so I parked closer for her. Anyway, with me in the lead, I blocked for her and opened a lane for her on the way to the end zone door. I would say, "pardon us" and people would kindly let us through. I would say "excuse me" and people would nicely step aside and let us pass. We had almost reached the front door and I, again, very pleasantly asked "pardon us" and some 40-45 year old lady said. "if it isn't too much trouble the exit is over there" and she pointed toward the back of the funeral home when we were only about six steps from being out the door. I said,"yes, it is too much trouble" and she immediately stepped-aside and we got out. Jill has often said that I sometimes have a look that cuts right through people. I think my eyes turn solid black or something. I am fairly certain that the look she speaks of was displayed on my face at this moment. Don't mess with me when Cha Cha be illin' beotch!

Tomorrow we head back to our new home away from home Northwestern Memorial Hospital for one of the many, many follow-ups we have scheduled. I think we have spent much more time in Chicago than we have in DeKalb over the past couple of months. Maybe purchasing a time-share would be wise? As I wrote that I realized this will be the first time that Jill will ride with me to that hospital. I have driven there 15-20 times and I was always alone. The only time she rode with me to Chicago was when we went to see I Love Lucy last weekend. The two times Cha Cha went to Northwestern she rode in a Meat Wagon Limousine. Hopefully she will ride home with me tomorrow too: I really do not know why she would not.

Are You Not entertained?

I have heard that when care-givers are not needed as much as they were needed they experience some form of stress or anxiety. I think I may be going through that. I am not sure what it is or how to describe it but I guess it is kind of how you feel when your kids grow-up and don't rely on you so much. It is great that they are doing everything on their own and doing well but you feel kind of empty that you cannot or do not need to help so much anymore. It's a Catch-22. They are where you wanted them to be but you sort of wish that they still needed you as much as they did before. I would much rather Cha Cha feel better but I think I was built for disaster-mode. She still needs me quite a bit and probably will for a couple more weeks but here it is 0300 and I am blogging; that isn't normal. Well, maybe it is for me? When I am at work, and not on FMLA, I work from 2200 to 0600 so I guess this would be somewhere in the MIDDLE of my shift. Maybe my body is getting ready to be back on that crappy schedule. I also use more of that testosterone in my job so perhaps my mind knows to start building back-up that way?

When I woke-up I had an incredible urge to burn-off some testosterone. Not sure if that is a thing but right now that is a thing for me. I am going to watch Gladiator on Netflix while I finish writing this and see if that helps. If not I may have to watch Tombstone too. I am not normally a violent person, unless that fight-or-flight thing kicks in as a defense mechanism, but I need to get rid of some energy. I have an urge to go golfing (but it is winter here) or shooting or driving... Now that I think of it I believe the "competitive driving" I was doing back from Chicago most nights was therapy for me. Maybe I need to go to a gun range today? Maximus Decimus Meridius just uttered one of my favorite lines in this film, "on my signal unleash Hell!" That's how I feel only with "testosterone" instead of "Hell." Maybe I should go to Dave and Busters. They have one of those golf simulators and they have lots of shooting and sports games.There is also that K1 Speed indoor go-cart place right around the corner; I have been there and that is pretty cool. Maybe I should go to one of the casinos and play some poker? I have been playing a lot of poker on-line on my phone but it isn't the same. This blog has always been therapy for me too and maybe, just by writing, I will be better. Perhaps I just need to do a good work-out today. I will figure it out; I will be fine.

Cicero (Tommy Flanagan) just said, "Sometimes I get to do what I want to do. The other times I do what I have to." I have related to that line since I can remember. I know you relate to it too. It is 0413 now and I am going to sleep for a couple of hours and then finish writing this. This is one of the times when "I get to do what I want to do." It will seem like I am not even gone...

Sometimes you get EXACTLY what you order

It is now 0631 and I am awake again. I think once Fabio gets off to school I may sleep again until Cha Cha gets up for her day. She has been sleeping fairly well the last few days thankfully.

I still have lots of notes in my notebooks. I make notes for the blog and for the two or three novels I will probably never write all the time. Maybe I can combine the notes for the three books and make them into one story? I just read some of my notes from earlier this week and I have no idea what they mean. I wrote: "brightness w/total. darkness w/eyes closed."

I just saw that there is a group called Cards Against Humanity that offered a couple of great holiday gifts to be purchased through their website. They started with their game Cards Against Humanity. Turns out they are an action group trying to bring the continued craziness of Black Friday and the out-of-control Christmas consumerism to a halt. So, as they built the hype for their card game to a fever-pitch they removed it from purchase. Their website said, "To help you experience the ultimate savings on Cards Against Humanity this Black Friday, we've removed the game from our store, making it impossible to purchase." Now they are selling something called Bullshit by Cards Against Humanity on their on-line store. They sold 30,000 boxes of Bullshit on Black Friday alone. People received, via the U.S. Postal Service, exactly what they had ordered - a box of real cow poop. People wrote to them and said things like "I didn't read the fine print" and "I used my mom's credit card and she is going to kill me when she sees what a dumb-ass I am for buying real cow poop"... I love this! Their site also said "no refunds." Caveat Emptor - you may get exactly what you ordered!

Continued thanks for continuing to stop by; I really do appreciate you. I hope I brighten your day sometimes and make you think once in a while. It brightens my day and makes me have to think. I also appreciate your continued comments and support for Jill and her recovery. I will keep you updated until she is back to 100% or until she makes me stop; it's tough becoming an overnight overmonth celebrity but she is handling it in stride. Have a great Tuesday. TTTW (Wednesday)... MITM (out) TA!