A Day In the Wife (by the doctors that is)

It is 0438 on Sunday morning and I cannot sleep; all I do is think about Cha Cha. Splenda and I came home last night because Fabio is alone and has to work so cannot get to the hospital to see his mom very easily since it is about 40 minutes away. He still is on probation at his work because he is new (a couple of months new) and cannot ask for days off yet. I am sure they would make an exception given the circumstances but what would he do there anyway but be sad? It is better he remain busy. There really isn't any room for anybody other than Cha Cha to sleep in her "hotel" (hospital) room. There is only one chair too. Yesterday she was feeling fairly well for awhile and she had some visitors. Cha Cha's brother Tom (The Lost Sock) and sister-in-law (The Found Sock) stopped by. My parents were there and our friend Minga (who had worked with both Cha Cha and I and now is a nurse) happened to be at the hospital stopped by. There was a break in Cha Cha's agony a lot of the time while most of them were there and she was in fairly good spirits so she could visit with them a little. Splenda and I are going back up there this morning at about 0800 but Fabio has to work again today. I may call him off of school tomorrow so he can go up with me and see his mom again. I suppose I have to see if he has any tests or anything first but they may need to make arrangements there too if he does. He and I are a lot alike (poor kid) in that we are very emotional and don't really show it until they reach their extremes if that makes sense.

I so wish it were me in that hospital bed rather than her. I wish I could take all of this pain from her. Even half the pain would help her a lot. I wish someone would develop a method whereby you could take a portion (whatever percentage you wished) of pain from someone. I would do that but I am not even smart enough to tie my shoes anymore. Most of my shoes I just slip out of without untying them and just slip them back on later (dress shoes are different - them I still tie and untie). The next step in my feeling-sharing program would be to be able to share some of your joy with others too but starting with pain would be the way to go I think. I always have mixed-feeling when I have had those kinds of thoughts. I would like to take the pain from her but I would not like to put her through having to see me in the pain. I think you know what I mean. I cannot put into words how sad I am. It is not a sad for me it is a sad for Cha Cha. She is the best person I have ever known and she doesn't deserve to have been dealt these cards. It is sad for my kids to have to see her this way. I know it would be just as sad for them to see me that way too so maybe I am just being selfish. You have heard the expression "why do bad things happen to good people" I am sure. Bad things happen to everybody and good people fall also into the "everybody" category unfortunately. What are the benefits of being a good person again?

Cha Cha and I cannot express enough appreciation for all of the good thoughts and kind words from all of you - our family, neighbors, friends... Maybe that is one of the benefits of being a good person like Cha Cha is - lots of people who care and are concerned about you. That is a pretty good benefit.

Splenda heads back to school this afternoon. I wish there had been some improvement in Cha Cha's condition before she went back south. There were some good spells so they could enjoy each other's company. I am happy that Splenda's boyfriend Andy will be with her. I guess he did most of the driving on the way up and he probably will on the way back down. She is probably mentally exhausted and fatigued and doesn't need to be driving six hours. I am very happy for Andy; he is a great guy.

On a brighter note - Cha Cha has lost about 12 pounds. I do not recommend this weight-loss process though. I imagine that it will end-up costing a lot more than most other weight-loss programs. Sorry, I broke-off there for a moment to pay the mortgage that is due today. Funny how that talk of money made me think about spending more money. It would be nice for Cha Cha to have a home to come back to WHEN she gets out of the hospital.

I am so happy that I have a great work-record. It makes it much easier that they know I am not a person who misses work and I would not be gone if it weren't absolutely necessary. It is also nice that I have a lot of: sick hours, vacation hours and comp time built-up to cover this time off. This isn't the way I would like to "spend" my hours but most hours I would use would be to spend time with Cha Cha and what better quality time than to be stuffed into a 12 X 12 room with a bunch of beeping sounds and people in scrubs walking-in every half-hour or so.

This has been very long and I may close my eyes for a half hour before starting to wake the troops here. It is 0608 right now and I think we're going up at about 0800. There is talk of Cha Cha having her ERCP today depending on how last night and this morning went/go. For info on the ERCP read the blog from yesterday (the one I posted at 1237 not the one that I posted at 1908). I cannot believe that I am blogging twice a day now (short-lived until Cha Cha is better ). That being blogged, I will probably blog again later today. If you read them fine but if not - just as fine. The info is here if you need it or want it and it makes me feel like I am helping. It also motivates me to press for information from the medical staff to update the world. I knew that degree in Journalism would be useful eventually. And the Radio-Television degree will be used again when we get back to Dirty Laundry Podcast (that is the new radio - the degree would be Radio-Podcasting-Television now). We sure will have lots to talk about on the show when we are back.

Again, thanks a lot. TTTLater today?...MITM (out).