Rapiunt Amens (Seize the Crazy)

Jeff still has his friends over to watch the Lassie box-set

FORWARD - I wrote this two days ago and was going to post it twice and have not but, obviously, now I have! (I did add and update a few things)

I am changing my entire way of life. I have done that many times and with some success. I lost 84 pounds about six years ago or so but, unfortunately, I have gained some of that back so I know I am capable of change when I put my thinky-thing to it. I am watching far less television than I did just one week ago. I think Newton Minow may have been correct in calling television a vast wasteland. And, to think he said that 50 years ago when he was the Federal Communications Commission Chairman. Nobody really discusses his entire statement. He said, "when television is good - nothing, not the theater, not magazines or newspapers - nothing is better. But, when television is bad nothing is worse. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland." The speech went on but you can look it up if you want more information. I remember in college (majoring in Radio-Television) how I kind of resented that statement until I read it in its context. He could not have been more right. Television has changed a great deal in 50 years and there are good television choices but there are A LOT of bad ones too. Anyway, being off of work with my ailment, I had been watching way too much television (some great, some bad, some good, some very bad). So, now I watch no television during the day and watch it very sparingly at night. There are shows like: Mad Men, Silicon Valley, Better Call Saul... that I will watch the recordings of. I am now a television snob (but it s my field of expertise so that is acceptable). I think maybe Minow was referring to the vast loss of time and not as much the programming though the speech was aimed at the programming itself.

I am listening to much more music (mostly on Pandora) too. That is one of the best subscriptions we have ever gotten (you can get it free with commercial breaks but I do not want the commercials - "ain't nobody got time for that"). I am listening to the Miles Davis station while I write this. It is only instrumentals. Right now I am listening to "In a Mellow Mood" by Andrea Pozza. It is only a drum kit and a piano. I am reading much more now too and the instrumental music helps drown out a lot of the background noise. Though I have brain issues my senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch) are too acute. I have had The Autobiography of Mark Twain Volume I sitting on the shelf for about two years and I have started to read that now. He is one of my favorite authors. I love visiting Hannibal, Missouri (his boyhood home and the inspiration for many of his writings) whenever I can. I may have to make my way down there one weekend (or any day for that MATTer) this summer as I am not working. Anyway, I am trying to do more things that cause me to think and not veg-out. Cha Cha has even gotten me to start using/playing  Lumosity. I use the phone ap. It is a "brain games and brain training" program. They should call it Loonosity.

I guess I will stop beating around the bush and fill you in on my condition according to the one medical/neurological opinion I have received so far. The MRI showed that my brain has shrunk and is shrinking (cerebral atrophy). This is common in many diseases that affect the brain (yes, I finally have documented evidence that I do have a brain though it is literally making its way to becoming a pea-brain or trying to completely evacuating the premises). Some brain shrinkage is normal in aging but I am too young to have this much shrinkage (not a Seinfeld shrinkage joke even though, obviously, I thought of it). There was also evidence/proof that I have had/am having seizures. He also said that there are chances of dementia in my future. So, I've got that to look forward to, which is nice. The most common form of dementia, of course, is Alzheimer's Disease. The signs of Alzheimer's are: memory loss, mood swings, poor judgement.... My memory used to be amazing but, over the past few years, I have had a feeling that my mind was full and there wasn't room for the new stuff. I have always been a moody cuss and, if anything, I have found that I am more pleasant over the last couple of months but that could just be not working nights for awhile. I think my judgement has improved too in many ways. I guess you don't necessarily have to have all of the signs.

The thing that concerned me (and Cha Cha) the most about the meeting was when the doctor said something like, "get done the things you want to get done."  That seems like something from a movie. You have heard the line - "you may want to get your affairs in order..." I don't even have any affairs. If I am going to go off my rocker or go crackers or lose my marbles or go loony or kooky or bonkers or daffy or haywire or cuckoo or wig-out or go off the deep end or wacko or flip my lid or go bananas or berserk I want to at least have some fun on the way out. I would have liked it so much more to have it been a surprise - damn seizures wrecking all my fun with their foreshadowing. I picture me in a group session in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. That does not seem to appeal to me much. What is it with me and Jack Nicholson? Yesterday Bucket List and today Cuckoo's Nest.

This is Heidelberg. Where my "crazy" voyage all began

One of the things that I have wanted to get done for a long time is go back to my country of origin (West Germany - now just Germany). I have not been back since 1964 and I am sure the people of Dossenheim have been asking themselves many times, "Warum er nicht schreiben?" I was actually born in Heidelberg and we lived in the burbs. No kidding, this may actually occur. I am fairly positive I will be close to the old hood. I will be able to see how six years of German in high school and college was useless. It is like the Make-A-Wish program. How come I can't have a telethon to fund my travels? 

If I totally lose my mind and cannot remember anything I don't care if you mess with me. I just ask that, no MATTer what, please do not try to convince me I am a Cubs' fan or tell me that I used to be a Cubs' fan. I will find out and I will make you pay and I will easily get off on an insanity plea. I am not big on tattoos but I may have to get a St. Louis Cardinals' tattoo to try to thwart any of this kind of activity

I guess I have to watch some kind of training film called The Notebook.

I hope I have not bummed you out. I was slightly shocked and bummed when I first received this news but I got over it. I will see what the second opinion bares (maybe the 22nd) but I am fairly certain it is easy to see if a brain has shrunk and if there is damage. See, I should have smoked pot! Maybe I can get a prescription now? Seizures is a key word there I think. I saw the images from the MRI and, though I know very little about this since I am just recently CERTIFIABLY mentally challenged, it seems like the report I received is correct. Something this big is worth a second opinion though. I vow not to apply for handicapped plates unless I can get personalized handicapped plates. I think I would lean toward CRACKRS or LOONIE or CUCKOO.

I think I am going to try to take a nap WITH EAR BUDS. If you read the first blog from today you know, as usual, I have been awake for awhile. Thank you for being here and for all of the nice messages and thoughts even without knowing what my deal was/is; that makes it even nicer. I think I will blog tomorrow but I am going to Tennessee (last minute). I am not sure what time my driver will be ready for me. Cha Cha and her sister were already going and, now that my dance card is wide open and I need to see the world and stimulate my brain, I got a ticket to ride. "My baby don't care." I hope to visit every state and remember none of them; I have already been to Tennessee many times though. It will be odd not doing the driving. I am gonna sit in the back of the Jeep and be chillin' like a villain. Maybe The Joker? Thanks for taking the news so well and don't worry about me. I know some who read this will even be delighted to read the news. I appreciate you for continuing to stop by. Just hold on from here on out because it may become a bumpy ride. TTTT (sometime)...MITM (out...of his right mind). TA!