Rhat rou rot ragainst raff racks ratt rin ra riddle?

Today is starting off pretty well because I woke up. Sometimes waking up is hard to do.

Last night after I got off of work from my part-time job (why is it still called a part-time job when it's my only job? aren't all jobs part-time since you don't do them all of the time?) I was making pesto and Fabio was watching Scooby Doo (the original ones from the late 1960's) and I noticed something that I never remembered or maybe just didn't notice as a kid. Why does a cartoon like Scooby Doo have a laugh-track? I pretty much think laugh-tracks are ridiculous on anything, except podcasts like Dirty laundry Podcast because that's the point on the podcast, so on a cartoon it's even more absurd. Is there a live studio audience while they draw the cartoons? Fabio left and left the television on, of course, and I was still working on dinner and The Jetson's came on and they had a laugh-track too.

I have worked my current part-time job for over two years now and yesterday at work was one of my favorite days that I have worked there. I have seen some pretty cool things at work over that time but yesterday I actually got to give people jobs. We had a job fair and I was one of the interviewers and if the candidates were well-qualified we had the ability to hire them on the spot. There were lots and lots of people there as you might imagine. It behooved us while doing the interviewing/hiring to make good choices as we would be working directly with these people if they were hired. You know that feeling when you're looking for a job and you know you had a great interview and you get hired. It's even cooler when you get hired at the interview. I have an over-zealous want and need to help people so this was a pretty good day - changing lives for the better.

Last night was my fantasy football draft. I didn't go because I kept all of my players (we are a dynasty league) and I was busy hiring real people for real jobs instead of real people who I was pretending to hire for a team I am pretending to own. I like to play fantasy football but I really don't care for all of the trash-talk that much. There is one "team owner" in particular that talks trash just for the sake of talking-trash and it's difficult not to get sucked into the trash-talk. It is my goal this season to not talk any trash no matter how moronic people get. Starting now. No matter what this idiot says. Starting now. Maybe it's a goal in progress.

Whoopzie!

Fantasy football is funny. People ask me who my favorite football team is (and it's the Miami Dolphins) but I usually think "it's Aaron Rodgers, Jermichael Finley, Ryan Mathews, Jahvid Best, Steven Jackson, Joseph Addai, Michael Crabtree, Anquan Boldin, Kenny Britt, Mercedes Lewis, Ravens Defense, Jeremy Maclin, Chris Ivory, Tony Romo and Sebastian Janikowski" but that's sometimes hard to remember and as my team may change through trades or injuries throughout the season my favorite team may change too. But for now that's my favorite team.

I saw that The Stanley Cup, the National Hockey League trophy that spends time with each player from the NHL champions each off-season, has been injured. One of the players from the Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins, Michael Ryder, set it on a table in Newfoundland and the table collapsed. The cup crashed to the ground and has a huge dent on the top and a very long scratch down the side. That's what we would expect a hockey trophy to look like anyway. Now all of the NHL teams will probably have to raise ticket and concession prices so we, the fans, can pay for the new cup.  Then we will find out in an undercover news report that the cup was insured for $20 Gazillion and they made more money than Michael Vick because of this "mishap."

Have a super day. I have lots to do today and some of it is outside so I am happy about the MIDDLEwest weather right now.  Be nice to somebody you don't know today - it may change their life forever. TTTT...MITM (off to see the wizard). TA!
Pineapple-flavored must not have sold very well huh?

The Hundred Million Dollar Man!

Some photos are timeless

 I am blogging a bit earlier than I thought I would this morning; my protein-level was too low to donate plasma this morning. Se La Vie! Don't you like how the podcast is making me so worldly? That was not an accidental podcast reference - the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up for your listening torture pleasure. This is our first "explicit" podcast (because of an audio email message we got sent) and it is border-line whether it needed to be or not but I thought better safe than sorry so we don't lose our  iTunes privileges. 

No matter how bad things get or how bad you feel they are in your life don't be discouraged. Even if you're in prison for something like running illegal dog fighting events one day you may get out of prison and get paid $100,000,000 for a six-year contract in the NFL. What Michael Vick did with the dog fighting was very wrong but he was convicted and served his time and our American-society is based on the theory that if you do something wrong that is punishable by prison once you do the time you are forgiven and you deserve a new start. I guess you can really make up for "lost time" when you get out of prison and make $17 million per year. I don't know if anyone is worth that much money with so many people without jobs. The Philadelphia Eagles could have hired 5,000 full-time employees for $20,000 per year for that kind of money. Now those 5,000 unemployed people will have to pay more money for tickets and popcorn and hot dogs and parking to see a game they cannot afford to pay for this new contract. I imagine Vick does some charity work but come on.

As long as we seem to be in the Dollars and Sense (I like that but I have to believe that's been used before) portion of the blog I heard that the United States Treasury Department may be trying to save some money to waste somewhere else (maybe they're financing the Vick/Eagles deal). For the first time ever United States savings bonds will no longer be distributed in paper form. Beginning January 1, 2012 savings bonds are going digital. I am going to sound like a MIDDLE fart here but I don't trust these new-fangled contraptions. What happens if we do lose satellites and such? I want to stuff my MATTresses full of savings bonds dagnapit!

Bond... Savings Bond

This morning I was driving over to not donate plasma and I pulled up to a red light at a stoplight. I pulled all the way up to the white line and as close as I could to the yellow center line. I do this because the lane does not have a right-turn lane and I move as far and right as I can so the people behind me can make a right on red if they wish since there is not a right-turn lane at this intersection. The guy behind me made a right turn on red and then a woman came up behind me (TWSS) with a smaller car than the guy who had just turned. She apparently was late and not a very good driver. She pulled up and started honking at me. Honking and honking and honking. I was not going to pull up into the crosswalk for her so I just sat there. I would not pull up that far for two reason: it is illegal to sit in a crosswalk and if you pull up that far there's a chance that the sensors in the road don't know you're there and you may not get a green light. I thought about getting out and going back to find out what her issue was, like I didn't already know her issue was being a crappy driver, but I did not. Then when the light turned green I thought about sitting there until it turned yellow but there were a couple of people behind her that didn't deserve Matty fun-time. As I drove through the green light she continued to honk and honk as she finally figured out how to turn her car right. I may have had an involuntary right hand twitch but I can neither confirm nor deny that nervous tic. If she reads this blog here is my advise to her: A) get up a little earlier so you don't have to rush to get where you're going B) don't pull up so far behind someone at a light that you cannot squeeze behind them and the curb (always leave yourself an out) C) maybe cut down on the caffeine or heroine a little bit in the morning and, D) quit being such a jerk. I hope this helps you have a happier life.

There is a hiring for part-time help today at my part-time job in DeKalb, IL. The interviews are first-come, first-served and will be conducted from 1PM - 4PM today. If you want details please send me a message to matthelser1@gmail.com. I will check my messages between 11:30 and noon and get back with you if you're interested.

I have some things to get done before I head to work but I will make time to check my emails before I leave. Have a nice Tuesday and enjoy the nice weather for at least another day in the MIDDLEwest. Thank you for stopping in and chillaxin' with me for a bit. TTTT...MITM (banished)

Dick, Colin, Bush & Boob (my new law firm)

Best crop duster aerial applicator ever

Hit is Roz!
I don't know if it's a case of the Mundanedays or that it's the end of the month and that's when my mood is usually in a tizzy but I feel out of sorts today. I may just be jet-lagged again. These drastic changes of time zones in such short periods of time take a toll on a blogger.

I am looking in my infamous blog book right now and I find that I write stuff down in there and I am often left wondering what they mean when I read back what I wrote days earlier. Here's an example: "you want to be on some people's minds and some you don't." It makes sense and it seems very true and pretty good advise from myself in the past but I have no idea what it is in reference to. I am like a movie character that sends himself messages to future-me. It seems like sound advise but I just wish I could figure out what it means so I could heed it.

My friend John sent me a The Facebook message over the weekend saying that I should start a new feature on the blog whereby readers could submit a topic, any topic, and I would blog a paragraph or so about it in my "clever tongue-in-cheek way." He said that it would be best if the topic were regarding a current-event of some sort. I think it sounds like fun and I am up to almost any challenge so fire away. Send me your ideas and I will give it a shot...If I'm not careful I might learn something.

I went to DeKalb's Corn Fest this weekend with my day and was happily surprised that my mom came too. The corn was great and not just because it was free. We were disappointed to see that the B-25 Bomber wasn't there because it had engine problems and couldn't make the flight but while we were out on the tarmac looking at the experimental jet and the bi-plane we got to talking to an older man who was a cargo plane pilot. He was very interesting telling all of his stories. I learned something very important. You know how I have quite an affinity for crop-dusters? Well, turns out, that I guess by me liking crop-dusters I have been disrespecting them without even knowing it. They don't like to be called crop-dusters. They prefer aerial applicators. I will never remember that and I want them to know ahead of time that every year when I say how I love crop dusters I will be referring to aerial applicators. I know their pain; I don't like to be known as merely a blogger; I prefer BLOGGING GENIUS (always in all caps when it written and spoken) but that's never gonna catch-on either,

The law firm Colin, Bush, & Dick (with bailiff)

I heard that two political giants named for body parts are fighting. Colin Powell and Dick Chaney are in a tussle about Chaney's new book In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir. Powell says that Chaney takes several "cheap shots" and "overshot the runway." The book goes on sale this week and I haven't read it and probably never will but I can say, without a doubt, that I am so much more of a Colin-man than a Dick-man. I have never liked Dick and I am fairly certain that I will never be a fan of Dick. On the flip-side I have always loved Colin! I never liked George W. which is ironic because I have always enjoyed a good boob and Bush. (I just re-read this paragraph and I hope your dirty laundry mind didn't turn my political talk tawdry). 

 I have to get to work on editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast so I can get it up today (will you stop already?). Have a nice Monday and my mood has changed and I don't feel so sour anymore. Blogging is the best medicine. Maybe it was more that when I blog I think about you and knowing that you're reading this always cheers me up; hopefully it does the same for you. Let's all be thankful that Hurricane Irene wasn't as bad as we feared and maybe the oil companies who decided to add insult to potential injury will lower their gasoline prices a bit. I guess I wasn't as done blogging as I thought I was. TTTT...MITM (out to save the world some dryer lint). TA!

And the Blog Goes On

Hit It Roz!
It's odd how things go on while we sleep. We all get wrapped-up in our own little worlds and sometimes forget that things are happening simultaneously all over; some good and some bad. The first thing I usually do when I come into Kajunkles Studio to write the blog is go on Facebook to see what I have missed and check a few of the news sites to see if there's something I shouldn't write about so I am not insensitive to topics if something has happened in the world that I should know about and maybe not poke fun of that day. I am a person who is always prepared for the worst. I don't fear the worst but I try to be prepared for anything that happens. Because of this I have always been a go-to guy in time of crisis. You might find this ironic as I am very positive and optimistic but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop inside my head. I think some of that comes from being a father, some of it comes from being in management most of my working-life and some of it comes from just plain neurosis.

The most disturbing news I saw was that my good friend Judi's brother has been missing for six days in Arizona. They found him after six days of searching but he is in critical, but stable, condition. He was hit by a car, hit and run obviously since he has been missing for six days, while riding his bike. My thoughts are with Judi and her family, especially her brother, while he heals and recovers. My friend Lance wrote about how his heart is heavy as he drives back home from his aunt's funeral. I just recently went through the same thing and relatives' deaths always make us think, "why didn't I spend more time visiting them?" We get wrapped up in our own non-stop lives and don't take enough time to smell the roses. My friend Terri posted that she found a lost dog. She wrote on her Facebook status that the dog looks like he was abandoned by someone. He's skinny like he hasn't been fed and he is wandering around trying to figure out where he is. She's looking for a place for him to live. Three very different things that changed people's, and dog's, lives while most of us slept. I can only speak for myself but I take too many things for granted. I try not to do that but we have so much to worry about and think about these days that we can't focus on all of them all of the time.Things are going on all over the world all the time. Some good, some bad, some seemingly insignificant. Everything and everyone are significant. all things and all people impact other things. Think about what you do and what you think and what you are because it all impacts something and someone else constantly.
I always try to remember to thank you every day when you stop to take time to read this blog. Your reading this impacts me because it makes me continue to write the blog and maybe, from time-to-time, something I babble about here might help someone; even if to just cheer them up or make them forget their problems for a moment. Maybe to make some realize that they are not the only weird one out there...somebody else is as silly and goofy as they are. Everyone has fears and regrets and loves. We all have all of these things but we don't always express them. This blog always takes its own direction. I had no idea I was going to write all of this sap this morning but here it is - here is who I am. Judi told me this morning that my sappiness is one of the things she likes about me most. I hope so Judi because that's probably one thing about me that will never change I am afraid.

And now for something completely different...

Dan Ackroyd has said that Ghostbusters III is going to start filming in Spring 2012 with or without Bill Murray. I know I am no Bill Murray but I would like to officially throw my MATT in the ring to be a Ghostbuster in this film. Maybe Pete Venkman got into some ecloplasm that turned him incredibly gorgeous and desirable. Or maybe it turned him into me instead? Who is this Ben Stiller character anyway?

The dedication of the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial in Washington D.C. is today. Dr. King didn't take things for granted. He knew that things should and could be better and he dedicated his life and ended up giving his life for these beliefs. He did it for all of us but if everyone just did it for themselves I believe the ripple-effect of all the good and happiness and joy would make this a better world for all of us.

I have to wrap-up because my dad will be here in a bit so we can head over to CornFest. I will not take being with him for granted today. Enjoy each other today and quit putting off what you've been meaning to do because time doesn't stand still. Ironic coming from a world-class procrastinator huh?  My thoughts are with all of the people on the east coast as Hurricane Irene approaches. Fortunately they know it's coming and hopefully they're are prepared to take what Mother Nature wants to hand them over the next few days. My thoughts are also with Judi, Lance and Terri (Terri's new pet-projects anyway - ha ha, pet-project... I crack me up). Have a nice weekend and cherish the little things and try not to take anything for granted. TTTMonday...MITM (out waxing nostalgic), NAMASTE!
send em off with something happy Roz!

Friday Blogs Mean Amor Blogs!

They should always be together!

Friday is here! That's usually pretty good for some reason isn't it?

I was watching someone put salt on their food the other day and I immediately thought that too much salt can lead to hypertension; whether it's true or not I do not know but that's what has been programmed into the heads of we the children of the 70's/80's. It led me to another great idea I will throw out there for someone to steal because I am not smart enough to bring it to fruition. I just hope that by putting it here for all of eternity if and when someone does do something about it they will be descent-enough to include me in the ca-ching and if not maybe this would be grounds-enough to fight for my ca-ching.  Why doesn't someone add any one of a number of fruits or vegetables to pepper to make it lower blood pressure. There is a myriad of foods that studies show lower blood pressure like: pomegranate,  papaya, banana, Lima beans, avocado, carrots, yams... Most people use salt and pepa together right out of the "shoopers" (shakers) so they would cancel each other out if you used them in equal quantities together theoretically. Then maybe pharmacists can sell pepper as a health-food?

Yesterday afternoon I mowed the lawn. I like mowing the lawn because: I get some excercise, I get to admire Cha Cha's lawn handy-work, I get some fresh air and sunshine, the yard looks great when I'm done and who doesn't like the smell of freshly-cut grass (allergies not included)? You know there's a but coming don't you? BUT!!!! our trees are at the point now where it's quite a chore cutting around them and their full-ness. I guess that's why mowing the grass is always considered one of "the Chores" kids in 60's movies and television shows had to do. I usually save around the worst part of the trees last bemuse often-times I get scraped and cut and beat up so much by the nature that I am happy it's the last part. If, one time, I get a limb cut-off (either mine or theirs) I want to have 98% of the yard mowed why the tree or I convalesce. Yesterday I felt like Snow White when she's running through the forest getting attacked by trees. Or, like Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz when he's in an apple-throwing fight with the trees. Luckily nobody was hurt yesterday but if you ever hear of me being found in the yard lying next to the lawnmower with the trees just staring into the sky with their leaves whistling in the wind like nothing is going on you'll know what happened when C.S.I. Sherwood Forest (patent/trademark/copyright) is looking for clues. (that would be a pretty funny show wouldn't it? maybe a good sketch for Dirty Laundry Podcast?)

I have been watching Mad Men on Netflix. I have wanted to watch the show but I missed the first couple of seasons and since it is pretty much a soap opera I kinda wanted to see the characters from the beginning and how they developed. If you think about it most television shows are soap operas just aimed at different groups. The main difference is that soap companies aren't the only sponsors these days which is ironic because Mad Men is about advertising in the 1960's which pretty much made that change. I really like the show. I minored in advertising in college for awhile and, even though you may not know it from me writing this blog, I have an affinity for creative writing. Anyway, they were watching a commercial about Maytag washing machines and the spot talked about "the amazing agitator." Those of you who listen to our podcast know that my nom de pod is "The Agitator" so to be mentioned on Mad Men was quite a nice surprise. The show is very good and very addicting. I am just trying to get caught-up before the new season starts in 2012. I am well into season three but you never know when Netflix is gonna pull a switcheroo and take something off of "streaming" so I am watching some every late night.

Speaking of Netflix I did change our account because of their rate increase and now we just get the unlimited streaming (no longer can get the dvd's mailed to us). I already received my first debit for the first month on the new plan and it was $7.99. It had been $9.99 per month previously with the unlimited discs but we used mostly the steaming anyway and now I actually SAVE $2 per month!!! WooHoo!

Is there protein in heroine? (just kidding kids - drugs are not a joke)

I already gave plasma today and there was a slight hiccup. I was donating from my left arm as I had done the past four or five donations and all-of-a-sudden the machine stopped returning the blood to me. This is usually caused by the needle not being in the vein correctly. So they moved and poked the needle around in my arm like sewing button onto a shirt trying to get the needle back in my vein but it didn't work. They had to do it quickly because the blood cannot be out of your body very long before it cannot be returned to you. So, they took the needle out and moved it to my right arm and returned my blood and continued and completed the plasma donation. This same thing happened about three weeks ago and this was the same phlebotomist who did that last time (and she's a supervisor). I don't want to get anybody in trouble but I am not sure if I should tell somebody that I don't want Miss Vlad The Impaler near my veins any more. Maybe I should wear garlic cologne. I guess I will just keep my trap shut and then reevaluate if it happens again. She seems to think my vein moves. IT DOESN'T MOVE FOR ANYBODY ELSE!!! Now I will end up with another bruise and a nurse will have to check my bruised arm every time until the bruise is gone to make sure I can donate. The bruise from last time had just about gone away and when I remarked to the nurse checking it today that this was probably the last time they would have to check it becasue the bruise should be completely done next time I had no idea that next time I will probably have a new bruise from today. They're gonna think I am main-lining or whatever term describes heroine shooting-up. Hey, at least I my protein-levels have been good.

Have a nice day. I think I may blog again tomorrow. I am probably going to go over to CornFest tomorrow with my dad to get some free Delmonte corn and see the planes that fly in for the show. I work a dance tomorrow night - very late - that is always one of the craziest events we have every year (crazy in so many different ways). Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to make me feel loved...the feeling is mutual. TTTT...MITM (bruising like a Georgia peach on the ground)

You & Me Baby Ain't Nothin' but Bloggers...

So that name's taken huh? Drat!

Hit is Roz! (is anybody surprised that I have always liked this song?)

Thursday's here! Yesterday I was pretty sure Thursday was gonna happen today; I'm getting pretty good at predicting these things lately. I have so many things going on in my pea-brain but I am still having a hard time sorting-out what to blog about on this fine, feathered Thursday.

I have been working pretty diligently on the Playing For Change Day benefit since my Tuesday meeting but I am running into some snags. Firstly, being in a college town I was kind of counting on a large part of our donating audience to be the students of the university but it turns out that the football team has a game that day, which ordinarily wouldn't be that big a deal, but this game is going to be held at Chicago's Soldier Field where they will play the University of Wisconsin which is a big deal so most of our town and the university's faculty... will be in Chicago while I am trying to hold a benefit concert in a ghost town. I have been getting some cooperation and helpful ideas from several of the people in the College of Visual and Performing Arts at the college but most of them will be at the game too. If a benefit falls in the forest does it make a sound (impact)? I have to decide rather quickly whether or not that date is a viable one. It just seemed so right since it happened to be a Saturday and it is the exact day of National Playing For Change Day. Maybe waiting until winter when people are looking for more things to do inside would be smarter. It's never a bad time to raise money and awareness for a great cause is it? I am not canceling yet but I am weighing the pros and cons for the good and productivity of the benefit. Just a little pothole in the road.

Tuesday there is some kind of a hiring going on for part-time help at my part-time job. I do not know the specifics yet other than the time (1 - 4PM) but if you or someone you know are looking for a part-time job near DeKalb, IL let me know and I will get you the details. I have worked part-time there for over two years and it's a pretty fun and unique place to work.

The recent U.S east-coast earthquake has spawned some pretty interesting studies. I am sure these studies are not new but they're interesting nonetheless. Experts are studying video footage of animals at the Washington D.C.'s National  Zoo just before the earthquake and are finding that animals are much more in-tune with the planet than we are. This is no big surprise. I know we, as a species, were more in-tune with Earth and what was going on when we lived in caves and trees and huts. Every day should be Earth Day. A few of the things I heard were that the beavers took to the water just before the tremors, red ruffed lemurs went straight up into the trees and "sounded the alarm" as they do in the wild when they sense danger and birds, particularly flamingos, all huddled together just before the Earth shook. This is the way they protect themselves in the wild when there is suspected danger too. We should all be a little more like Tarzan I think. It's weird how a lot of these things we touched on a little in the Dirty Laundry Podcast (show #22) when we talked with our archeologist friends. Maybe I should move the Playing For Change benefit to April. That would give me plenty of time to book acts and promote it and it could coincide with Earth Day. Seven months ought to be enough time. Also odd is that Earth Day, April 22nd, in 2012 is on a Sunday (good day for a benefit concert) and I just mentioned our podcast #22. 2012 has two 2's (kinda like an 01 sandwich with 2's for bread). It could be a benefit to celebrate Playing For Change, Earth Day and also that we will be 1/4 the way through 2012 and "the Mayans are wrong so far." Maybe we should be like the beavers and hold the benefit in water in case of an earthquake.

I just looked at my blog book and saw many things that make me wonder about myself. I told Cha Cha and few things I want for my birthday, because she asked as I really don't want anything, and I wrote them down in the book so I wouldn't forget. Here is what I wrote, "birthday - iron, ironing board, lap dance... lap dance auditions." Apparently I am holding auditions for lap dancers for my birthday. I have not decided how the iron and ironing board are involved but I have a pretty creative imagination and I do have thoughts there too now. I also wrote "a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand" I think referring to the thought that it's better to leave nature in nature where it belongs. I don't know why I write what I write half the time. I am sure you wonder that too.

Seems like it's going to be a nice day - good day to get into nature and mow the lawn I think. Have a nice day and if you sense the ground rumbling jump in the water (maybe grab an ironing board too). I am going to leave you with a thought of one of my favorite philosophers Soliel Moon Frye, "all we have is the moment. If it's important press pause, step back, and cherish it." Thank you for pressing pause and being here - it's always good when we huddle together like this. TTTT...MITM (out trying to make a difference). TA!

A Whole Lotta Bloggin' is What I'll Be Bringin'

Channeling the great Reuben Kincaid

Hit it Roz!
There was an earthquake in Washington D.C. and New York City (the East Coast) yesterday. As usual the media is making a bigger thing out of his than it needs to be. They just have to make their jobs appear necessary and fill the 24-hour news cycle so they make bigger deals out of everything so we think we need them. Don't they know that all you need is love. That's right love - love is all you need.

I mentioned yesterday that I had a meeting to discuss hosting a benefit for Playing For Change. The date has been set for Saturday September 17th from noon to 4PM at The House Cafe in DeKalb, IL. I am currently in talks with a few bands (one in particular that I think would be right for this show) to appear on the bill but I haven't "signed" anyone yet so if you have some ideas and have connections to musical acts I am wide-open. It's weird to be negotiating with bands - I feel like Reuben Kincaid. I have about three weeks to try to turn nothing into something. The purpose for the benefit is to help a cause that I believe in very much on their first "national day" - National Playing For Change Day. Please keep the date open and consider coming and being a part of history to try to bring peace to the world through music. Similar benefits will be happening all over the world that day. I am open to all suggestions and any ideas you may have. I always talk about being part of the solution so here I go - help me be part of the solution.

I saw Ving Rhames on something the other day and wondered if he has resentment for Michael Clarke Duncan. I think they're both great but as soon as Duncan burst onto the Hollywood scene we rarely see Rhames anymore.

I read that Reverend Al Sharpton (or is it "The" Reverend Al Sharpton?) is getting his own show on MSNBC starting Monday called PoliticsNation. I like him but I cannot really even tell you why. He just seems like a nice guy to me but I am open to rebuttal because I could probably be swayed either way (maybe it's my whole affinity for passionate people). I have made a new friend over the past several months, thanks again to The Facebook, who is scheduled to speak with Sharpton tonight on The Chris Matthews Show. She was scheduled for last night's show but the media decided to start the 24-Hour Earthquake Channel. She is part of the group known as the "Paul Ryan 7" that have been protesting at Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan's office this week. I have been a member of one of her The Facebook fan pages for quite some time and asked her to be on the Dirty Laundry Podcast a while ago because of all of the great things she does. She will be on the podcast in the next week or two and, in the meantime, she is making many more stories for Cha Cha and I to talk to her about. I love passion and she definitely has it and she's carrying a lot of the water for the rest of us. I don't think these unsung heroes should remain unsung!

"Good God y'all!" James Brown

I need to get some things done so I had better get a move on. Please let me know if you have any ideas for the Dirty Laundry Podcast National Playing For Change Day event (that's almost as long as Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure). I would love all of the help and suggestions you can muster. At the very least consider coming out and watching the show. If you've always dreamed of being on the podcast (and who hasn't) here's your chance - be part of the benefit staff/crew! I hope this becomes an annual event, as I am sure Playing For Change will do this annually, and it will be great one day to say we were there on the ground floor. It also should give us something to podcast about and me to blog about for the next few weeks. Don't worry, there will still be the usual non-sense as well; I talk nonsense, therefore I am. Have a humpariffic Hump Day. Thanks for stopping by today - you always make me smile. TTTT...MITM (out to make a difference)
 Might as well keep the theme going Roz!

Another Do-Gooder Blogging!

So those are the same?

It's raining, it's pouring, the MIDDLE man is blogging!

As I write today's blog I am listening to the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast and I have a needle in my left arm pumping blood from my body, separating the plasma and pumping the deplasmified blood into my veins. I have been here for over an hour because I had to have my yearly physical prior to donation. So, now, in addition to being a professional bleeder, I am also a professional physical-taker. Obviously my physical went well or I wouldn't be bleeding right now. My average pulse over the past year has been 51 and my average blood pressure has been 117/76. I guess those are good - at least good enough. I am the poster-boy of MIDDLE health. I was going to say that I am the picture of health so now I will probably go out and get struck by lightning or hit by a train or something but while I was waiting for the nurse to check me out I was reading the newspaper and saw that a person was killed by a train in our downtown Friday. He was 28-years-old and a former college wrestler. According to the article he was walking/running across the tracks trying to beat the train. You never know when it's your time but make smart choices to try to tip the odds in your favor.

I read on the internet this morning that Lindsay Lohan wore the exact same dress (not literally the EXACT same one) to Kim Kardashian's wedding that Pippa Middleton wore to her sister's (Princess Catherine - I refuse to call her Duchess of Cambridge) wedding. Look at the photo. I am no fashion designer but those look different to me. They both look great and they look different. The story made it sound like this was some kind of a scandal. Who cares? Isn't that a compliment when someone copies your style and fashion-sense? It appears that the celebrity media just likes to kick people while they're down. Leave Lindsay alone; she's "doing her time" and you're not making it easier by this nonsense. Lindsay, I know you are a regular MITM reader and just know I think you looked fantastic and I am sure Pippa is flattered that you chose a similar dress.

If you listen to the Dirty Laundry Podcast like Pippa and Lindsay do you know of my love for the musical-movement Playing For Change. September 17th is the first National Playing For Change Day. I have a meeting scheduled this afternoon to discuss organizing and hosting a benefit musical day to help the cause at a local venue here in town. I will keep you updated but all of you musicians and performers or all types who care about the global-community start dusting off your instruments (TWSS) and material because Uncle Agitator may soon need YOU!!! Even if you don't perform come on out and listen to some music and help the cause. I have several of you musicians and performers in mind (you probably know who you are) so be prepared. Maybe I need to start Dirty Laundry Productions or Dirty Laundry Entertainment or Dirty Laundry Worldwide. It has always been a dream  of mine to have a job doing something I love and am passionate about. I love entertaining, helping others, and making people smile - those are my big three I think (since I am not good-looking enough for number four). The closest I have ever been is when I was in management at Zanies Comedy Club. I left there to follow the money - what a maroon! One of the things I want to do is make our own Playing For Change-type song/video with all of the attendees included! I have a couple of ideas for songs but send me your ideas; maybe we'll do more than one? Stay tuned for more details here and at DirtyLaundryPodcast.com.

Come join us, come join us, we'd love to have you join us!

I have some things to do before I head downtown (I think I am going to start saying "uptown" because that has more of a positive connotation) so I had better wrap this up. Start thinking about being a part of the event that isn't even officially scheduled yet. But The Secret makes me know that it will be scheduled to happen by the end of today! Think positive thoughts for me, and the world, as I go out to make sure we can all do our part to save the planet. Enjoy the rain and be thankful it's not Hurricane Irene (every time I hear that I think of Granny Moses of The Beverly Hillbillies). TTTT...MITM (out to make dis murld a better pace ip I tan). Do me a favor and hold a good thought (The Secret) for my friend Dena for the next couple of days who is going to have surgery this week if you would be so kind. Thank you for that and thank you for stopping in here. TA!

These are a Blog of My Favorite Things!

Step right up and get your arteries clogged!

It seems pretty nice for a Monday morning.

Last night Cha Cha and I met some friends in Elburn for Elburn Days. We just pretty much sat around and talked; it was fun. We usually don't go to Elburn Days because most years it's about 2,000 degrees with 285% humidity and Cha Cha doesn't do heat or humidity. The Socks were there (Lost and Found), MADYM and MisterYM and Lou were too. Some of my favorite people were there though I am finding that I have a lot more favorite people than I used to have. It was pretty much like a fair-atmosphere (meaning rides and food and people milling around - not the "fair to MIDland" kind). One thing that I noticed that has changed in me is I don't appreciate the fair smells anymore. That overwhelming smell of grease from funnel cakes and corn dogs and onion rings and french fries and who knows what else that used to appeal to me now sort of nauseates me. I didn't even walk over by the food but maybe they had Iowa's deep-fried butter too? DeKalb's Corn Fest is next week and I may go for the free corn (no butter, of course) but that would be the extent of it - and the see the B-52 Bomber (it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail).

While I was writing that last paragraph I started wondering why is my "favorite people list" growing so much (TWSS)? Am I becoming more tolerant and accepting? Are people becoming nicer to me out of pity? Are people just getting nicer at our ages (MIDDLES)? I know I have changed; I am not nearly as uptight and stressed as I used to be. Ironically, I should be more stressed now than I was when I was stressed. I think maybe I have things in better perspective now and I know the things that stressed me out before were not things worth stressing over. I guess aging tends to do that to us humans. It may be a little of all of those things I mentioned. We are pretty much magnetic-beings and whatever vibes we send out we get back I have always felt. It's the circle of nice! Life is a journey and I am finding that my observational-skills must be serving me well in my journey. I think it comes down to surrounding myself with "favorite people."

I don't want to start listing my favorite people for fear that I will leave someone off the list since it's getting larger (TWSS) but one of my newer "favorites," Mary Capet Miller (I will call her "QM2" because she is another of the queen Marys on my list - with MADYM, of course), was behind on reading my blogs and had a chance to get caught back up and she told me that they are working on a few of my favorite "children's" shows. She said that Sid and Marty Kroft are involved in working-on Lidsville, Sigmund & the Sea Monsters and H.R. Pufnstuf. What about the Bugaloos? They've already done Land of the Lost (with Will Ferrell). I went to their website and they are working on "re-packaging" these shows. That is kinda vague so I am not sure if that means they are going to do re-makes of the tv shows or make films of these shows or just repackage the shows to be resold now as they are. The article said that the Krofts signed a deal with Vevendi Entertainment. Ironically, Vevendi owned the company Cha Cha works with for awhile but they are such a big company (World Wresting Entertainment, Universal Music Group, Sid and Marty Kroft... and Universal Pictures I believe) that they were getting too large and had to get rid of some things I surmise. I hope they're making movies of these shows but I hope they don't premier the same time my Six Million Dollar Man film, starring Paul Reubens, comes out. I want to also thank my good buddy Stacee (a long time "favorite-lister") for making the QM2 fave-listing possible. You never know how something seemly small like a class-reunion can change things.

I just have to mention quickly, since I talked about fair food, that former U.S. President William Jefferson Clinton, Bill I call him, is now a vegan. He says he has more energy and he's lost more weight than he has in years. Who would have thought that the man who would jog with Secret Service agents to McDonald's to scarf down a Big Mac or two would be a vegan? Good for you President Clinton. I have always been a big fan of Bill's. There have been times when I was disappointed with some of his behavior, as I know that some people have been with mine, but on the whole I think he's a pretty cool dude and was a great President (fill in your own exceptions here).

Alright, I have to get my Dirty Laundry edited so I can get it up today (TWSS). I will let you know when the podcast is up and ready for your listening pain. If you're not a fan of Dirty Laundry Podcast on The Facebook I always post there when new shows are available or go to DirtyLaundryPodcast.com to stay up to date.

Have a great day and I will blog again tomorrow but it may be a little later. I work very late tonight and I am donating plasma tomorrow morning and depending on how sleepy I am I will blog sometime tomorrow morning. Enjoy the weather in the MIDDLEwest because, before you know it, we'll be complaining about the snow and cold. TTTT...MITM (editing my little heart out).

MITM On The Lamb Again?

Dillinger's getaway car (not a 4Runner)

I am waiting for the police to show up at my door for something I did not do. Half-a-dozen months ago or so I told you about me getting a letter in the mail that I received stating that I (my vehicle) had supposedly been in a hit and run accident that I was not in. Someone in Chicago had supposedly been hit by a maroon/burgundy Toyota 4Runner and the license plate that was reported to have been the perp (I love that word) supposedly matched my plate. Spoiler alert...since I used the word "supposedly" so many times you may have already guessed that I, and my vehicle, are innocent. We do have a 4-Runner but it is titanium/silver, not maroon/burgundy, and at the time of the supposed hit-and-run we, with our 4Runner, were nearly 500 miles away in Carbondale with a titanium-clad alibi. I concluded that it was some kind of an insurance scam and I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was not me nor my vehicle involved. Now to why I am expecting the police to be contacting me soon... my good buddy John R. posted a story on his Facebook about a McDonald's that was robbed by a DARK GRAY 4Runner in Oak Brook. The DARK GRAY vehicle drove up to the drive-up window and robbed the restaurant. Couldn't the dude at the window just have ducked? Shoved napkins or french fries in the barrel of the gun and clogged the arteries of the weapon? I guess they found the 4Runner that had been reported stolen before the drive-up hold-up but I know somehow it's gonna end up my fault. I will tell you now that it was not me. I, once again, was on the way home from Carbondale, this time via Macomb, and there are surveillance cameras that can put me at a gas station near Iowa. Good thing I write this blog so I can remember where I was every time a person commits a crime with a 4Runner. I think if I worked for the advertising agency for Toyota I would advertise the 4Runner as "the decade's top choice of getaway thieves everywhere." The way the economy is going I think that may be a great selling-point.

Today is National Radio Day. It is the day that the radio was supposedly invented back in the 1800's. Radio has played a large part in my life and most of your lives. My college major even had radio in the title (Radio-Television). I have listened to the radio since as long as I can remember. No one person can be credited with the invention of the radio since it took the ideas and technologies of many people and it continues to evolve every day. I am sure Howard Stern will try to say he invented radio though. Radio has led to one of the great recent passions of my life - Dirty Laundry Podcast. Without radio there would be no Dirty Laundry so thank you radio!

Since Donald Trump is not going to Kim Kardashian's wedding because he would rather golf Cha Cha and I got invited to fill The Donald's spot. I would have gone had I made the first cut and been invited but since I now know that we were merely at the top of the B-List, even ahead of Kathy Griffin on the D-list, I cannot find it in my heart to do. I think I may play Wii Golf instead. I haven't played that in a long time...I may actually do that soon. Anybody interested in rounding out my Wii foursome?

"Need money for spelling lessons" would be more profitable

I heard that $48,000,000 in cash has been found in Japan and returned since the earthquake/tsunami. People all over the country have found wallets and safes... filled with cash that has totaled $48 million (nation-wide so far) and have returned it. I like to believe that most people in the United States would return cash that they found in a wallet that had someone's identification in it if they knew that the owner of the wallet/purse/safe... probably lost everything but I am not so sure. Are people in Japan nicer and more honest than Americans? Do they believe in karma more that we do? Would we do the same? I know that I would return money if I found it with identification included but if it didn't have identification would I return it? Opie Taylor would. Greg, Peter and Bobby Brady would. I like to think I would too; I believe in karma and just doing the right thing. 

Have a nice weekend. Tomorrow we record the podcast so make sure to get your questions and incredible praise into DirtyLaundryPodcast.com today if you want to be world-famous. TTT (probably Monday)...MITM (vapor - poof!)

Matt In The Middle The Smooching Bandit!

Rainbow Warriors are pretty cool too I guess

News of my death are slightly exaggerated - I think. I don't know if you noticed but I didn't even blog yesterday. For the last three days I have been working a weird shift at work; I went in at 10:00PM and worked until 6:00AM. That's normally not a big deal since I don't sleep much anyway but for some reason it's throwing things off this time. I think it may have to do with our recent traveling down south and all of the moving... It's like I have jet lag without the jet. Maybe I'm the jet. It seemed to be working okay until this morning but I may be to blame. After I got off work today at 6:00AM I decided to go donate plasma and I think that may have been the tipping point (and not very bright). I pretty much ignore all traditional schools of thought and I generally think no rules of reason or ration apply to me and I am usually correct but I ran into my Kryptonite somewhere over the past three days. Cha Cha is working from home today and I walked into the office after sleeping for about four hours and she said, "you look like Shinola (but she didn't say Shinola)." I think as soon as I am done writing this I may go back and try to sleep (my money is on "I will not be able to sleep across the board."). Did I mention that I feel like vomiting?

I am just going to blog what I have been writing in my blog book and if it seems incomprehensible please just chalk it up to me slowly dying from the inside out.

The University of Hawaii should have stayed "The Rainbows." I suppose they changed to The Warriors because people were giving them the business about their old name but who cares? Who doesn't like rainbows? Too bad they couldn't have played the Phoenix Suns. It appears that the football team may be The Warriors and the basketball team might be The Rainbow Warriors. I am confused but that's pretty redundant. How can you beat a rainbow?

I feel like I'm going to vomit (that's an aside and not from my note book).

I was working in the garage the other day and I heard a faint kissing / smooching sound outside. I thought to myself, "self, I knew it was just a MATTer of time before Morgana came for you." I looked up above the arbor that goes to our backyard and saw a hummingbird. It was flitting from flower to flower on top of the arbor and kissing each flower. I went inside the house to get my camera and when I came back out the hummingbird was gone. I think we should change the name from hummingbird to smooching bird or kissing bird because it's not really a hummer just just a kisser. Looking at that photo right down there I think I liked the MLB All-Star Game back when they wore their own team uniforms but there was a buck to be made in selling all-star jerseys so somebody had the stupid idea of wearing special all-star uniforms.

That's back when stalking was fun

I heard that James Franco is going to play the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz. I like James Franco but I'm kinda bummed out that it's not going to be Robert Downey, Jr. or me. I guess in Hollywood it's never really a sure thing until the film is made so I still have a chance.

I am going to wrap this up because I don't want to be a drama queen and die while I am blogging. I will blog again tomorrow when I am certain I will be back to my usual self (not sure if that is a pro or a con). I will end with something in my blog book that I have no idea when or why I wrote it but is in my handwriting so I am fairly certain I wrote it. "Remember me with smiles and laughter. If you remember me with tears don't remember me at all." I am pretty sure I must have heard that somewhere but until I remember where or somebody sues my for stealing it I will say it's mine.

Alright I am done. Just know that at the time of this writing I am still alive but I will let you know if that condition lessens. TTTT...MITM (gonna try to sleep some more - just short of a dirt nap) TA!

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Blogs To You Today!

See what too much Iowa state deep-fried butter can do to you?

What a nice cool morning. I found the secret to sleeping into the morning; work until 6:00 AM after being up since 6:00 AM the previous day and not going to bed until nearly 7:00 AM. why didn't I think of this before? I guess me writing this at 9:45 AM actually isn't sleeping in the is it?

I heard that Republican Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday yesterday. I am pretty sure she realized that Elvis is dead, at least that's what most people believe. If he's dead why wouldn't they let me upstairs at Graceland? Elvis' birthday is January 8th so it seemed odd that Bachmann would wish him happy birthday on August 16th since that was the anniversary of his death. Happy belated death-day anniversary Elvis. Hot damn tamale baby!

I am pretty sure that I shouldn't even be awake yet because I am having a hard time deciding what to write. Did I wish Elvis a happy birthday yet?

There are several people out mowing their lawns right now. I like when the window is open and people mow their lawns when there is a nice breeze outside. New mown grass is a great smell. I wish I hadn't mowed our yard a couple of days ago because I am jonesin' to mow a lawn (I am sure you are about to offer up your lawn for me to mow. Thank you but I wouldn't want to rob you of the sensory-pleasure).

Actress Selma Hayek who is mega-rich since, in addition to being a huge Hollywood star is married to a French billionaire, said in an upcoming Allure magazine article that she never understood "the point of being privileged if you don't get to have the privileges." I applaud her for her honesty. I would be lying if I said I weren't jealous of her husband for all of his money but more so for being married to Selma Hayek. Too bad Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous isn't still around because I think Robin Leach would have a great episode on his hands. Hayek seems like a very nice person and why should she have to be ashamed of being rich? Once while working for UNICEF (The United Nations Children's Fund) Hayek breastfed a hungry baby in Sierra Leone. She said, "If you have milk, you have milk, and if they're hungry, they're hungry." Maybe right now when so many people are fighting to make end's meet her timing is poor but we all know that politicians and business-heads and entertainers are richer than most of us and by not talking about it nothing changes At least she seems to do good with her wealth and fame unlike the hundreds who abuse their celebrity with no purpose.
 
Celebrity and riches that serve no purpose...hmmmmm.... How's this one grab you? MGM Resorts International (just the name says excess and riches and celebrity doesn't it?) has just finished building a hotel-tower called The Harmon right in the heart of the Las Vegas Strip as part of their $8.5 Billion CityCenter project. Now they are proposing to the city of Las Vegas that they implode the building because it would not be able to withstand a large earthquake. It's great that they were able to construct a building that is unsafe in the first place. Las Vegas is always known for excess but now they're building structures just to blow them up? Something seems pretty fishy about this to me. We still haven't found Jimmy Hoffa yet. Is the implosion going to be in an upcoming film to help fund the implosion in six months followed by four months of clean-up?  I guess they're creating jobs at least. I am sure they have some kind of insurance for such an incident and will end up making even more money by destroying a brand-new building. Maybe I should get my cameras out there and start shooting a sequence for my upcoming Six Million Dollar Man film that hasn't even begun to be written yet. I could let the world and the stupidity of things like this write the script for me. What an opening sequence this could be!

Thank you for stopping by to read my tired ramblings. I shouldn't be allowed near a computer when I'm tired. I hope all of you champagne wishes and caviar dreams come true today. TTTT...MITM (probably back to bed for a bit)

Holy Bionic Butter sticks!

Better, Strong, Faster

Cue today's bionic theme Roz!
A great big Tuesday howdy to ya! I am writing this a little later than usual because I have a weird work schedule for the next several weeks and I am trying to get acclimated to it.

For the past couple of weeks I have been complaining off and on about Hollywood producing so many remake. I have thought of a great movie they should make inspired by a television show from my yute. I think The Six Million Dollar Man would be a great movie. I even bet Lee Majors would be happy to play Oscar Goldman. I loved The Six Million Dollar Man. Maybe I should work up a "treatment" and send it to one of my big celebrity friends. Should it be a serious movie or a silly movie? I think serious right? I wonder if Lindsey Wagner should be in it too? Wasn't Sandra Bullock bionic in one of the bionic spin-off hopefuls (Bionic Showdown: The Bionic Woman and the Six Million Dollar Man)? If I could get Sandra Bullock to even do a cameo that would help the film right off the Matt. I had the Steve Austin action figure as a kid and he always kicked the crap out of G.I. Joe - and that was when G.I. Joe was Barbie-sized too! I may have to get on that writing. I am always so wise to put all of my idea on here for anyone to steal. Good thing nobody reads the blog (except you).

I saw that Zsa Zsa Gabor is celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary. I bet her previous eight marriages accumulated didn't equal 25 years. I have never been a big fan of Zsa Zsa, though I loved Eva, but I have to give her credit for not settling on something she knew was wrong and then finally getting it right. Perseverance pays off!

I don't know if you have listened to the Dirty Laundry Podcast yet but Cha Cha talked about health and obesity in her Beef of the Week on this week's show which made me think about something from our trip down south last weekend. One of the most busy restaurants we saw as we passed by several of them was Golden Corral. I think we must have passed three or four and there was one right next to our hotel and every time I saw one the parking lot was jam-packed. I have never been to one but I know it is a buffet-style restaurant. It's funny how the restaurant doesn't try to hide the fact that they want their customers to make pigs and cows of themselves...the call it Golden CORRAL! Round 'em up and get 'em over to the slop troughs. My guess is that they don't have to replenish the salad bar part too often. Maybe there are people who could go to one of those places and practice restraint but I wouldn't dare go in there because I would probably walk out with a blue ribbon for over-indulging and a branded behind. A Matt has to know his limitations!

They coulda left that second line out

That makes me remember a radio story I heard while I was driving for endless hours last weekend.  At the Iowa State Fair you could get deep fried butter (that video will help you stay on your diet). It was, literally, an entire stick of butter skewered then covered by a cinnamon honey batter and deep fried. Oh yeah, then it was glazed. It kind of looks like a corn dog. The butter must melt in the deep fryer I imagine and it becomes like the most fattening doughnut on a stick on the planet. No wonder we have a weight problem in this country. My town's Cornfest is coming up very soon and I bet anything that somebody there will try to copy this artery-clogging concoction. It should be on the dessert table at Golden Corral.

Also while were driving down south we passed Arcola, Illinois and it dawned on me that Illinois is where the Sock Monkey was invented (Rockford, IL) and where Raggedy Ann and Andy were invented (Arcola). I don't know why I think that's cool but maybe I am still reminiscing over my Six Million Dollar Man action figure. I wish I still had that, my Planet of the Apes action figures, my G.I. Joe's and my Evel Knievel action figure (they weren't dolls they were action figures)!

I have made myself ill with some of the blog today. I need to focus on the bionic part and not as much on the gastric part. Have a great day and stay away from the corrals and the butter sticks on sicks. The weather is still nice in the MIDDLEwest so if you were one of the unfortunate ones who was dared to eat something you shouldn't have in Iowa this past weekend it's a great day to get out there and jog or ride your bike to do the butter burn. TTTT...MITM (out of the saddle again)

I am a Rainbow Maker!

Hellooooo. This morning feels like a Monday-filled Monday dipped in Monday batter, deep fried, wrapped in a crunchy Monday-shell with Monday sprinkles all over the top. It was a long weekend full of a lot of work and fun but now Splenda is back at school and tomorrow she starts her new job before school actually starts in a couple of weeks. I think she prefers being at school and now that she and her friends have their own house there it should be even better (or more headaches - time will tell). Man, those were the days!

Driving that noisy, bouncy truck full of Miss Daisy's and her roomates' stuff for six hours gave me lots of time to think. And you know that when I think I write stuff down in my little blog book but as bouncy as the truck was I will be surprised if I can read what I wrote so who knows what's going to spew from my keyboard this morning?

On our way home from Southern Illinois we stopped and visited Nature Girl and her family in West-Central Illinois. We had a really nice time. It was nice to relax for just about an entire day. Cha Cha and I also did our first remote interview with a couple of archeologists for the Dirty Laundry Podcast while we were there; I should have that show uploaded by tonight. Of course, I will let you know when it's ready for your consumption. If you're a subscriber on iTunes or Podomatic, however, you will probably know before everybody else. Followership has it's advantages!

I still find that I am obsessed by fuel prices. Supply and demand is killing us near Chicago (we use so much and we keep buying it so they charge what they want) or maybe it's higher fuel taxes? You don't have to get very far south of I-88 and gas prices drop down to around $3.57 per gallon. I still find it ridiculous that $3.57 per gallon is a good price. Shouldn't it be more expensive in those little remote places because it's more costly to get the fuel to them since they are in the MIDDLE of nowhere? We really need to reduce our driving and use less he says after he just drove two vehicles the entire state of Illinois top-to-bottom and one back up.

I thought of a great acronym that I am going to start using. You know TMI (too much information). I am going to start using JEI (just enough information). Wow, there are a whole bunch I could start using. I also like NQEI (not quite enough information) or WTMI (way too much information). I get bored when I drive sometimes - can you tell?

We only hit rain one time near Springfield, IL Saturday afternoon heading back up this way. The rain was so bad that I could barely see the road and I had to slow down to about 70 MPH (I could still see the yellow and white lines so I had bearings even 85% blind). As we came out of the rain I looked in the side mirrors and saw rainbows behind us. They weren't in the sky they were coming from behind the car. I was making rainbows. I am a rainbow maker! That's gonna look mighty impressive on my resume.

Southern Illinois is fun to travel through. Between Carbondale and Macomb we took quite a few back roads. It was like the good old days when we were kids and there were no expressways or tollways. They didn't seem like the good old days when they were happening as kids though; it's funny how our perceptions and appreciations change. Just think, some day these will probably be "the good old days." It was kinda fun seeing all of those small towns. Fortunately, Fabio had the VCR in the back and was watching movies or we never would have been able to enjoy the road-Les-traveled. I always like to follow in Les's footsteps from time to time. Most of the little towns we went through still have town squares - pretty cool. When we drove through Beardstown, besides thinking of The Beardstown Ladies, I wondered if the town was named for Abraham Lincoln (pretty famous guy from the area with a beard). I am sure he was there one time or another - it's near Springfield and right on the Illinois River. My curiosity got the better of me and I just now Googled Beardstown. The town was founded by Thomas Beard. However, ironically since I just mentioned town squares, the Beardstown town square is where Abraham Lincoln delivered his "house divided cannot stand speech" in 1858.

 

Gotta love Lincoln! (even beardless)

I have so much to do today so I had better wrap up Matt In The Middle's Tour of the MIDDLE Diary Blog for today. I had better write my todo list here in case I have to come back for reference (not in any particular order). Get the podcast edited and uploaded, mow the lawn, do laundry, return chairs, register Fabio for school, grocery shopping, more laundry, check with the television repair man, make dinner, work-out (hopefully), buy a calendar (mine ended in July)... (I know I am missing several but this will get me started).

Enjoy the great weather in the MIDDLEwest today. I hope you're having agreeable weather wherever you are! Thanks for stopping by - I always appreciate you letting me be a part of your day. I have lots more to write about from my blog book so I should be good for a couple of days. TTTT...MITM (out to conquer my todos). Do you feel better now that you got your MITM fix? I hope so! TA!

Blog Tie Optional!

It's Friday!!!! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, now what I mean, say no more) Today is Cha Cha's 29th birthday so if you see he make sure you tell her happy birthday.

What's the deal with all of the riots in London? The last I heard was that they are being orchestrated through Blackberrys (should the plural of Blackberry, the mobile devise, be Blackberries or Blackberrys?) I think the Brits are mistaking "Flash Mobs" as being violent. For my London friends - please let these thugs know that Flash Mobs are people just dancing to some music not people looting and assaulting people; those sorts of things are saved for large sporting events. The last I heard the officials were going to ban social media so they couldn't communicate the way they had been.

Does the tie HAVE TO be black?

Yesterday Cha Cha and I received an invitation for a wedding that is "black tie optional." I am exercising my option and wearing a black tie. How often to you get to wear a tuxedo without looking like a dope or being IN a wedding or a coffin (Dracula)?  It's at the Union League Club of Chicago. Some of the honorary members of the club are: Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, Benjamin Harrison, Teddy Roosevelt, Douglas MacArthur, Dwight Eisenhower, Gerald Ford, George H.W. Bush, Sandra Day O'Connor... They have a lot of art in their private collection including a Monet! How do I not wear a tuxedo? A block of rooms has been reserved at the Union League Club of Chicago for us too! I bet if that place is haunted it would be pretty cool. This blog and the Dirty Laundry Podcast sure have their perks! Movin' on up to the east side. That will be fun to blog and podcast about!

Hey Hollywood - thanks again! You know how I have been harping about how movie studios are getting lazy and making so many remakes? Well, television is following suit. I guess Hawaii Five-O has been working out so well that now it's time for Charlie's Angels. Drew Barrymore must have something to do with it because I saw that she's going to be in the first episode (not as an Angel). I hope H. R. Puffenstuff is next to be remade! I bet that would make for a pretty cool movie actually - Tim Burton!!!

Gift horse or horse as a gift?

I went and picked up the car from the mechanic yesterday morning that was supposed to be "$465 out the door." When I got there the bill was for $465.36. I guess "out the door" must cost 36 cents. I didn't say anything I just paid it.

I heard on the radio that our city is expanding our public library. They are adding a $100,000 addition or something like that. Seriously? How many people even go to the library anymore? I am a romantic and I love libraries but every time I go there I feel like I'm James Franco in 127 Hours. Couldn't $100,000 better serve the community? I guess there was an anonymous donor who designated the money specifically for that purpose. I didn't The person may not have specifically said it HAD TO be used for that reason. It was a nice gesture but I always like to look gift horses in the mouths. What the Helser does that mean anyway? Actually I know what it means but it's still a stupid expression.

I have been talking about movies a lot here and it made me have a premonition. I predict that within the next five years we will have commercials running during movies at the theaters; the same way that they run during television shows now. How do we form a group now to combat my feeling? I think I need to organize a grass-roots movement against this. It's a win for me either way. If it happens I can say "I told you so" and if it doesn't I can say "we stopped them!!!"

Alright I have to go donate plasma before we begin the Magical Cha Cha Tour. I am sure you have today off work because of Cha Cha's Birthday so if you want to be part of the spanking machine make sure you meet us you know where at you know when by that place where we did you know what with you know who back when you know was you knowing. TTT?...MITM (out like a trout with gout about his snout) TA!

Pimpin' for Presidents!

Nobody ever talks about Pres. John Tyler

Hello again - I missed you. Today is one of those rare days that I am sitting down to write this with not any idea of what I am going to write. As you can see that doesn't stop me from starting.

While traveling the Chicagoland area yesterday loading a 26' truck so I can head south to unload it later I heard on the radio that I may have started some problems with a blog I wrote a couple of week's ago. About two weeks ago, I think, I wrote that Jennifer Lopez was coming back to American Idol and going to make $2,000,000 for the upcoming season and that Steven Tyler was only making about half that and Randy Jackson even less than that. Apparently Tyler and Jackson (weren't they both U.S. Presidents?) are now upset that they are making so much less than Lopez. I didn't mean to start any problems I was just bragging on my future ex-wife J.Lo. You hear all the time about people fighting over dead presidents but rarely does that include John Tyler or Andrew Jackson. I don't even start arguing until Salmon P. Chase is involved and he wasn't even a president.

To further add frustration of my being a frustrated writer I heard that the three Kardashian sisters are writing a novel. I wonder if it will be a coloring book or will it include Colorforms? Hey, whatever happened to Colorforms? We used to play with those things for hours. Can you imagine how our kids would look at us if we handed them a box of Colorforms today? I wish the sisters well; I am just green Colorformed with envy I guess. I am going to invent a Colorforms APP (tm/pp/c)? I am always so smart to mention all of my ideas on here before I invent them aren't I?

If you listen to the Dirty Laundry Podcast you know of Cha Cha and my recent frustrations with the health care industry. Cha Cha has discussed it on her Beef of the Week at least two or three times I think. Walgreens is now going to get into the health insurance business this fall. I don't know why but the world's largest drug chain offering health insurance bothers me for some reason. I am not really sure why just yet but my bloggy-senses are tingling with this one. Will they make more money by us being healthy or by us being sick? Isn't that like drug dealers offering protection from their products or something? They are a drug dealer and they will be offering protection, right? It also seems to me that there would be a way for them to fix prices and behoove us to go to them for our prescriptions... Seems to me like there's a way to get some price-fixing worked in there too. I mentioned yesterday or the day before that I must have a devious mind but I think it's more of being a skeptic because "we the people" have been screwed so many times by big companies pretending to be looking out for us. Most of us know better by now but there are still millions of people who fall for the funny business which keeps it lucrative-enough for companies to keep doing it every day. I guess it's just a way for them to cover all of the bets on "the craps game of life" so they get a big pay-off no MATTer what. I am sure I am over-thinking this but am I alone in my suspicions here? I guess if you put the prefix "Wal" in your title (Walmart, Walgreens, Wally World...) you have to screw be all things to all people.

Today is kind of the off-day for me before more moving. We gave our sofa and love seat to Splenda for her new house so Cha Cha and I are going furniture shopping today before Fabio's high school physical. It would be nice to find something while we still have this huge honkin' truck that has a little room in the very back if I need to haul some stuff home. I don't mind shopping much but Cha Cha and I have very different strategies; I try to get there and get it done and she tries to see how long she can do it (I am a sprint shopper and she is a marathon shopper). Maybe that comes from our ancestral cave people roles. I am bred to get the hunt over with so I can the food back as quickly as possible. Or, maybe I just have a short attention span. Do you think Walgreens will cover short attention spans?

Well, I had better get showered and dressed so I can go over and pick up the car from the mechanic. They didn't call until yesterday at about 5:00PM to tell me know it was ready (they are only there until 5:30) and we were stuck in traffic on one of those Chicago "expressways" that is named after somebody we have never even heard of. We were not moving too expressly. Ironic that we were in a U-Haul "moving" truck not moving very much. Maybe they call expressways "expressways" because most of the time we're on them we are expressing our anger and frustration for being stuck on these slow roads to nowhere. Anyway, as long as everybody is sleeping I will get ready and walk over to get the car - it's only about a mile away maybe. I love to walk on pleasant-weather mornings like this. It lets me think and we all know how important that is if I want to grow up and be a Kardashian.

I hope you have the Thursdayest Thursday you've ever had. I think I will be able to blog tomorrow. I might cheat and write it tonight and just post it tomorrow like I wrote it tomorrow. You are special and you will now that because you are a true and faithful reader and friend. (don't tell the Kardashians or Walgreens my secret though) TTTT (wink wink)...MITM (off to get the car)