Glitz and Glamour and Giant Milk Vessels!

I didn't blog yesterday; sorry, if you were looking for it. Saturday night I worked and there were a few incidents that night that required me to have to stay later for paperwork so I didn't get home until almost 5:00AM Sunday. Then Fabio had a couple of basketball games yesterday so the day just slipped away sleepily.

The Academy Awards were last night and I did pretty well with my original six predictions of the big six awards at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS (all the winners are listed there). The only one I missed was Best Director; I guess I made that pick with my heart more than my head anyway so I wasn't surprised. Of the top six I consider Best Director number six anyway so if I was gonna miss one that's the one I'd want to miss. I did just add a pick for Best Documentary pick Friday and I wasn't surprised I missed that one either.

Bjork shall lead us!

Did you watch any of the Oscars?  I watched it off and on but I watched a lot of the pre-show while doing other things. Why do we give a crap what everybody is wearing to the Oscars? We know you're all richer than us but then you rub it in our faces that you get to wear clothing from the best designers in the world and you are lent jewels that are more valuable than most of our houses. It would be so nice to see someone show up and then get asked "who are you wearing?" and they say My shoes are by Nike, my trousers are Dockers and my shirt is by Fruit of the Loom. You already know the awards shows and all-star games drive me batty but when they rub our faces in it that even drives me more insane. And, they are so sensitive that we can't even say "and the winner is" anymore. But, here I am blogging about them and I do watch some of those shows...I guess I am part of the problem...figures! Maybe Bjork was onto something at the 2001 Academy Awards. No wonder everybody made fun of her. She was rocking the boat of the celerity world and they weren't gonna have it. Maybe she was just being weird but that's how most genius begins - right Lady Ga Ga? Wait, maybe she outsmarted all of the other celebs because I am still blogging about her 10 years later. Can you tell me what any other woman wore that night? Damn!

It's still the end of the month for one more day (today) so as you can probably tell my PMS is still raging. Wow, tomorrow's March 1st. One day closer to March 2nd I guess. Maybe the water-weight will be gone tomorrow.

While driving to the basketball games yesterday I wondered to myself, "self, why are salt sheds shaped like breasts?" I am sure there is a reason like: that's the way piles of salt form when you dump the salt or it's a moisture issue or something but I don't really want to know the reason I just find giant breasts on the side of the road rather distracting while I am trying to pay attention to the road.  I think it would be funny to have a street artist find a couple of these structures next to one another and then make it look like a giant woman is lying down out in the field. Let me know when you come back to America Banksy I will help you and I can start a farm art documentary.

mmmm, shamrock shakes

We stopped at our local 7-eleven, oh thank heaven, to get a breakfast snack on our way to the games yesterday. I had just watched Zombieland and had a hankerin' for a Twinkie. Just like in the movie...they were out of Twinkies! I don't eat that kind of food very often anymore so I was pretty happy they didn't have any after I was down the road a piece. I guess the Zombieland diet gods were watching out for me. I wonder if they store the cream filling in one of those giant storage breasts. Now that would make sense! They should shape milk storage tanks like that. It would do a Matty good to see a milk truck driving down the street looking like two giant breasts. White trucks for white milk and brown trucks for chocolate milk; I don't think milk will ever be able to conquer their segregation issues.  I rarely drink milk because I think it is made for baby cows and I don't want to look like a baby cow again but I may change my mind if they used this storage suggestion as an ad campaign.

When I picked Sugar Momma up at the train last week I texted her (while driving) "you will recognize me, I will be the one that looks like me."

Thanks Banksy!

The saga of Charlie Sheen continues. He is now demanding an almost 50% raise to return to Two and a Half Men. He says he should make $3 Million per episode. The poor guy only makes a little under $2 Million per episode now. I hereby throw my hat in the ring to replace him for $20,000 (twenty thousand dollars) an episode. Also, since I am a terrible negotiator, you can probably have me for far less. What a freaking wing nut (him, not me?). Nobody knows me but they will still tune in to see who the idiot who replaced Charlie Sheen is. I can tell stupid penis jokes and play a drunken womanizer. I'm packing now...WHO should I wear to my first press conference?

Alright, gotta go get some things done...like try to find a job. Or, should I just wait for the Two and a Half Men people to call? Have a great Leap Year Eve (if this were a leap year). I will try to be in better blogging spirits tomorrow. TTT March...MITM (out like a lyin')