cue the music (I still have visions of Buffalo Soldiers dancing in my head)
Previously on Matt In The Middle... (not really but it sounds big-time blog) - or you can scroll down to read the previous blog. I think I need a logo so I will steal (borrow) Movie Hubs' logo for today. Free adverting for them right?
Last night I went outside because the Christmas lights went off. Yes, you can call me Clark Griswold because I have so many lights on the circuit that it tripped the breaker. As I was walking out the front door I noticed a box on the front stoop. Was it a terrorist attack on my blog? Was it fan mail from some flounder? It was addressed to Fabio (for you new readers he is my son and that is not his real name... there’s a blogssary over there ----> for some of my more commonly misused Mattcronyms and stupid words).The return address on the box was: “Young America Corporation...Young America, Minnesota.” WTF (see over there ---->)? What did he order? Is there really a Young America, Minnesota? He’s a really good kid so I wasn’t worried, well maybe a little worried. Was he being scammed? Recruited by a cult? Did he answer one of those
letters we get that say he has been selected for a modeling agency? Splenda always got those too. Isn’t it amazing how every kid in America is going to be America’s Next Top Model? So, I let him open it but he had to open it in front of me. He opened the box and pulled out an XBOX 360 Limited Edition Halo Reach Section 3 game. It was in a hard case that looked like a black lockerbox. He immediately said “I can’t believe I won.” He had entered 7 Mountain Dew cap codes and won the game. You can normally only get the limited edition with the console I am told - luckily he has a console already. Only 7 cap codes. The limit was 750 per person and he entered 7. He’s Charlie Bucket for bloggin‘ out loud. He wins just about everything he ever enters. When he was younger he won a $100 gift card for Target from Nickelodeon and then two weeks later he got another identical $100 gift card (by mistake?). He was waiting in line at the grocery story with Sugar Momma a couple of years ago and filled out a Morton Salt entry form because he was bored and the next thing we knew we were walking past Ryne Sandberg (Peoria Chiefs) in the dugout to go out on the field at a Kane County Cougars game where he met the players and got an autographed game-worn jersey. Yes, he will help me buy my lottery tickets tomorrow. He actually said, without me reminding him of how lucky he is that, “maybe I
AM the luckiest kid in America!”
I teased you yesterday with the K Y Jelly (TWSS). I have begun using K Y Jelly every night again recently (TWSS). I remember the first time Splenda saw it sitting on my bedside table and the look on her face until I explained what it was there for. Now that I am using the C-PAP Darth Vader mask again it’s back out. Through the night the rubber nose hole thingys dry out and chaff my nose. They
told me that petroleum jelly was all that could be used because it doesn’t eat the rubber...out of context and with a few changed words this could easily be an X-rated blog today. So I rub the lube on my nose and the nostril deals and I don’t chaff. Insert you favorite lube-nose joke here.
Yesterday was the largest amount or blog readers I have had ready this blog in one day to date. I think winter helps but I know some of you have been kind enough to pass the word of the blog on (Matt In The Middle and
Middle Movie Reviews) to your enemies and I really appreciate it. I don’t know why I care how many people read it but it makes it more worth my while if I am making people happy and maybe making them think. Even if we cannot get out for one reason or another (weather currently) we can still connect and we can all know that we’re not alone. And, as long as I am around, you can know that you’re not the most neurotic person on the planet. Winner, winner, chicken dinner (or tofu). We need to grow this puppy so my dream of MIDDLE-Stock can become a reality.
When I went to the store yesterday and went past the normal spot of the guy who usually has the sign that says “lost my job, wife and kids left me....” When I drove by there was a backpack (a very nice backpack) sitting there with a sign attached it that read “TRIING TO PROVIDE FOR FAMILY HAPPY HOLIDAYS W.W.J.D GOD BLESS.” I am thankful that his family is back or is this the new marketing plan of the franchise? Everybody knows that kids are a better draw for hand-outs. How did I know it was the same guy’s backpack you might ask? I saw him across the street just walking around looking at some stores. Where was his 12-speed racing bike (oh yeah, the snow)? Was he on his coffee break? You can’t phone this kinda work in dude - this is a face-to-face business. How do I get ahold of your district manager? I Oda Mae Brown’d my money in the red Salvation Army Bucket at the store instead; I have a better feeling that that money won’t be buying Mad Dog 2020. If he actually produces kids over the next few weeks I may change my mind and throw a few bucks his way or maybe I will buy a few McDonald’s gift cards to have with me just in case. At least then I would know maybe it was feeding these kids, if they really exist. I hate being so cynical but I hate being taken for a chump more.
Today I go pick up my Marley's Mellow Mood and watch game one, and hopefully not the final game, of Fabio's 8th-grade school basketball season. It's the N.C.J.C. Tourney but then travel basketball starts so the MATTness will continue until March no MATTer what. Tomorrow night Sugar Momma and I and MADYM and MisterYM are going to see Red Woody (whoever they are - everybody else knows who they are and likes them) at Cabana Charley's in Sycamore 8:00PM. Come out and get your picture in my blog:) Have a great Thirsty (Marley's/Cabana Charley's pun intended). I gotta workout quickly too (geez). TTTT...MITM (frozen).
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