Matt in the Middle: The Last Temptation of Matt In The Middle

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Last Temptation of Matt In The Middle

America, What A Country!

I couldn't just leave my last blog from earlier today as it was but I was tempted. The last temptation of Matt. I am going to make this one brief too though. While I was searching YouTube for a video to celebrate that I can do whatever I want with my blog I was searching "Yakov Smirnoff / What a Country" (you MIDDLER-AGERS remember him) and found this video that seems to be blatant false advertisement (sure, get the former commie to sell your lies). I want my two more octanes damn it! Maybe that's what they were disposing of in The Gulf (burning the octane evidence).

Today is my little brother's birthday. I really, really. really, really wish I could be with him today. Not just because he lives in Hawaii with perfect weather every day surrounded by beautiful, mostly naked, tanned women who smell like Hawaiian Tropics (literally) and great seafood straight from the ocean (ask any mermaid you happen to see) and pineapples and coconuts fresh from the trees; I love singing happy birthday and I am a pyro (as you blog-faithful know) so I love lighting candles! Happy birthday little buddy!!!!

Starring Matt In The Middle Wollery

Sugar Momma and I went to dinner with the same people that we went out with last weekend but we added one person in an attempt at a Love Connection! (see last saturday's blog for major players) We went to Old Town Pub and Eatery in Wasco/Campton Hills. I had fun and I think everybody had a good time. I don't know if there was a love connection but they seemed to like one another and we'll see what happens. On the way home we swung by a house that goes a little "merry" with the Christmas lights in Elburn (42W891 Beith Rd.) The line of cars to the house was very very long (TWSS) and we didn't feel like waiting so we only saw it from a distance. We will go back later this week with the kids to see the show. (click <--- there for a taste)

The Senate voted Saturday to end the 17-year ban on openly gay troops (soldiers) known as "don't ask, don't tell." I think this is another step toward our country's founding beliefs that we are all created equal. I chose to leave the word "men" out of that last sentence because "men," to me in this instance, means "people." I am a little prouder to be American for the second or third time this year. I found this video that I think it's funny and sort of touches on (TWSS) this (okay not very much) and I love Craig Ferguson; the later late-night shows have almost always been better because of the lightened censor scrutiny.

Tonight we are going to a Christmas party at my friend John's house (his second annual). It sounds like this is a wild one but Sugar Momma and I cannot be too wild or stay too late tonight; she has surgery in the morning (11:30 for those who like to pray). Mondays suck already so what's better than getting the surgery done on the suckiest day of the week and getting all the junky junk done in one day? On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven hours of surgery recovery, six magazines read, five hours of waiting room television, four coughing old people, three hot nurses, two worried kids and a BIG REASON TO LIKE OUR INSURANCE!!!!!!

I am practicing blogger-restraint and ending this one now; though it's the second one of the day. Five days until a new hilarious, in my warped opinion, holiday tradition begins in our home; I am already teasing my Christmas morning blog. Also, I have a blog interview scheduled with Santa Claus...yes, THE Santa Claus, on December 22nd. If you or your kids or your nieces/nephews or your neighbor kids...have anything you want me to ask Mr. Claus please let me know either here or at mattgarita@msn.com and I will ask...this IS REALLY going to happen and I would love to have your questions. TTTT (after the surgery unless they have wifi at the hospital)...MITM off.

1 comment:

Debbie PangilinanDecember 20, 2010 at 5:11 PM
Ok, Jacob, age 6, wants to know if he can have an autograph. Jacob also wants to know if Santa goes on vacations. Angel, age 9 also wants to know if she can have an autograph and if she can have a picture of him with his reindeer.
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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!