The Mattical Mystery Tour is Waiting to Take You Away!

Yesterday I spent the day in The Fox Valley. I stopped by my old place of employment (they're actually in two places now so I stopped at both) and saw people I hadn't seen in a year. I was meeting another friend (and former co-worker) in Elgin for lunch so I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see but it was nice just the same. If I missed you I apologize but even unemployed I am a slave to time. It was great hearing how skinny I am by everyone. One of them even said I got taller. I didn't know I had hit a growth spurt. Maybe when you're round you look shorter?

I met my friend and former co-worker Mike at a restaurant in Elgin, IL called The Tilted Kilt. It's a two-story building that looks like a Dick's Sporting Goods from the outside. The attire of the waitresses makes the Hooter's girls look like their wearing nun's habits. Big fan of the push-up bras though I had a hard time looking the ladies in the eyes. That's why I don't go to strip clubs too often; I'm too polite to stare at what men go there to see. I generally just talk to the dancers about their kids and hobbies while they're shaking their money-makers. Don't get me wrong...I love to look at the ladies but though some guys are "butt-guys" and some guys are "boob-guys" ... I guess I'm a "personality-guy" or an "eyes-guy" or a "smile-guy"..I 'yam what I 'yam and that's all that I 'yam. I think I've only been to strip clubs three or four times in my life and I've even been to Vegas three times. The biggest thing (pun intended) the Hooter's T-shirts hide is all the tattoos on the torsos. 95% of the waitresses at The Tilted Kilt had torso tattoos. Tattoos on their stomachs, on their backs, on their sides, peaking out from their nether regions...not a big fan. Maybe they're fake tattoos to get the "boob-guys" to be more of "tattoo-guys." Maybe they should have tattoo bingo on Monday nights (patent/trademark). Tip these girls better so they can get some color added to those tattoos. Maybe I am more of an art critic and I am not that into pencil drawings...I am a man of color. I had The Braveheart Chopped Salad but I had it without the bacon and had balsamic vinegar dressing. While it was good it would have been better with the bacon and blue cheese dressing but "Cosmo ain't down with that" too much anymore. I really wanted to have The Longshanks' Sausage Sandwich just for the name but I'm not into the sausage even though I give ladies (even strippers who want me to look) R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Do women blame us for their monthly visitors fellas? Why isn't in called "womenstruation"? It's "MENstruation"! (yelled like when Charlton Heston found out that soylent green "IS PEOPLE!)" **spoiler alert** (I guess I was supposed to say "spoiler alert" before the actual spoiler wasn't I...my bad)

Yesterday I also stopped by and saw an old college buddy I hadn't seen in a while. It was like The Mattical Mystery Tour. With all this and not having to pick Sugar Momma up from work until 5:00 I still had a couple of extra hours on my hands so I cheated on her again but this time I haven't told her until now. I am getting to be quite the movie whore (I am glad they don't have matinees in DeKalb, though every movie I see is a MATTinee, because I'd never get all of my housework done). I went to The Charlestown Mall theater in St. Charles and saw Robin Hood. It's only $4.50 there and I was already full of chopped salad so no snack bar...YESSSSSS! I decided that I am going to start writing movie reviews so they can put "Matt Helser of Mattinthemiddle blog says..." Sugar Momma said she saw a review of a book by a blog page on the back of the book jacket. So, tune in tomorrow for my very first "official" movie review at this same Mattchannel (blog), same Matttime (whenever you get to it).

Speaking of writing books and reviews...if I would have written one page of my screenplay for every blog that I've done my screenplay would be half-done by now. That's me trying to kick myself in my un-tattooed behind.

I picked up Sugar Momma from work at 5:00 and we had dinner at Stockholm's in Geneva. It was okay but a little disappointing. The brushetta and the chicken tortilla soup were very good. Sugar Momma didn't like her spinach pasta dish. The food was okay maybe it was eating dinner in a crowded bar at 6:00 on a Friday night that made it disappointing. I found it weird that I had lunch in Scotland (Tilted Kilt), watched a movie about Great Britain and France (Robin Hood) and ate dinner at Stockholm's. I should have just gone to Epcot.

I have plenty more to write but we have a game in Burlington at 11:00 and I start throwing BP (batting practice, not oil spills) at 9:30 and I haven't even done the line-up yet. All of you potential burglars...we are not ALL going to be gone today and our scary Yorkie-Poo will also be here so don't even try to break in, HA! Also, we live in a cul-de-sac...have you seen Desperate Housewives? We make Wisteria Lane look like Kindercare so step off!

Make sure you read Sunday's movie review of Robin Hood tomorrow over coffee (also a new top ten list)...hmmmm what to top ten about? See you then...go Dekalb Cardinals!

**titled kilt photo william wallace'd from phoenix.metromix.com, europe photo steam-shipped across the atlantic from letsgo.com & the critic photo given thumbs up from web-nine.com**