"Where the White Women at?"

"Where the white women at?" is one of my favorite lines from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles though there are hundreds of funny lines in that movie. I actually have an answer finally; in Carbondale. Sugar Momma and Splenda (my new blog name for my daughter) are heading to Carbondale, home of Southern Illinois University, this morning for a couple of days. Sugar Momma and I went there and now Splenda is going there in the fall. She gets to pick out her classes and maybe meet her roommate and see her dorm room. I really want to go but we have two baseball games in the next three days so it isn't possible. SIU is a beautiful campus and there are a lot of great memories when I am down there. There will be plenty of trips to Carbondale very soon.

I went and paid the property taxes yesterday. Almost $7,000.00. That's a rough one every year. Fortunately we're still able to do it. I am sure there are plenty of people who are struggling with property taxes this year. I also went to the bank yesterday to kajunkle my money away from my Merrill Lynch account. I opened an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) at my local bank so I can move my retirement money there so it can better serve us. I felt like a bootlegger's wife.

When I got home I let Maisy (our dog) out to do her business. She's always been good about doing what she has to do and immediately coming back to the door and we let her back in. She has it pretty cushy here. Yesterday, however, she didn't come right back so I went out front to look for here. She has been limping the last few days and I felt her leg and foot and she seems to be fine. Splenda said she went to jump up on her bed and banged her knee or something and started limping. So, when I went to look for her I saw her across the street in the new neighbor's yard. I called for her and she just looked at me and then headed toward the end of the cul-de-sac; the complete opposite direction and she didn't appear to be limping. I chased her (I walked actually) for about three blocks. She eventually got tired and sprawled out in the shade panting. I think this was a fake limp to pull a Shawshank on me. She is limping again but I'm not falling for that again. She's on lockdown...leash tied to a tree for her business now. I found this photo of her (I call this photo Sherman and Ms. Peabody). It's Maisy and her boy Sherman (actually it's my son portraying Sherman). Maybe she was running away because we didn't get her contact lenses or lasik? Doesn't she know I am on the government cheese, property taxes were just paid, Splenda is going to college in the fall and we're trying to juggle all this stuff and keep the American dream alive? We don't have the extra money for dog lasik surgery right now for dog sake!

Why do they make a stupid movie about Marmaduke (who sounds like Owen Wilson) when there are better dogs like Mr. Peabody to make movies about?

Someone I know had their golden birthday yesterday (your age on the same day of the date of your birth). He became 19 on the 19th. How does that work if you're born on leap year day? It may work but I am too dim-witted to even try to decide if it does.

There are new people officially moved into "The Old Simmons Place" across the street. Do you think it's too soon to tell them that the place is haunted? That's probably what Maisy was over there trying to do. She is an amateur exorcist (she's not very good at it). I have an in with the great beyond since I get up at 3:00 every morning (spiritual) and have lunch with dead people (Joseph Glidden) so I can handle any supernatural event that may occur. But it's nice to know that Ms. Peabody has my back.

I rode my bike to the dry cleaners to drop off clothes yesterday (I haven't mattstered dry cleaning yet) and got home and wondered what that was in my pocket. Maybe I have a pocket full of krytonite. Nope I had a pocket full of clothes pins. Clothes pins really work. I use the wooden ones that are spring-loaded like tongs not the solid peg-type ones with no moving parts. My new clothes line seems to be in a wind tunnel and though the clothes try their hardest they cannot escape. It's some kind of a punk rock slam dance out there but they cannot escape. The dude who invented the clothes pin was really on the ball. Probably invented in the Middle of the U.S..

My son got home from school and called me to ask if he could take some money out of the change jar to get some ice cream from the ice cream man. (we used to call him the ding-ding man because he rang a bell but now they play creepy music instead). I said he could and he said, "why thank you my good man." It cracked me up. I don't know where that came from but I think I may have found my heir-apparent for when I am too senile to continue this blog (probably a week or two).

Last night I made steak fajitas and guacamole. Splenda is a vegetarian so dinner is almost always a production but this was easy. I do the veggies first while I cook the steak on the grill, take her veggies out and then add the steak for the rest of us. This wasn't the best way as the steak was a bit bland. I didn't season the steak before grilling it because I figured it would season with the veggies and the fajita seasoning. I figured wrong. The meat was sealed by the grilling so no seasoning could make their way to the meat. It was still good but I expect better from my cooking. Whatever happened to my nice stir-fry pan (wok)? There's deception afoot in my kitchen. The guacamole was good but I forgot lime so I had to use lemon...a little different. I just added more cowbell (cilantro and garlic in this case). While I was scooping and mashing the avocados I thought of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. I thought I had heard that they had an avocado and citrus farm in San Diego. What happened to the farm? If you're looking for someone who knows nothing about avocado farming to move in and pound out the guacamole shoot me an email. I will watch after the farms as though it were my own.

All the photos in today's blog are my photos. I am actually starting to write this blogically (I need to contact Urban Dictionary again). It is probably short-lived because I can't take photos of everything I write about but I can some so I will when I can. Also, I generally don't know what I am going to write; I write it as it flows out of me noggin' (or maybe my bloggin').

One more day until Friday. With the ladies out of town and junior blogger in school tomorrow I may have to drive to "the valley" and review a movie. Any suggestions? What movie do you want to know about. Don't be shy I will even see Sex and the City 2 (oh rats, that doesn't start until Thursday, phew). Maybe I will go early and sneak into a second theater and review two? I really know how to live when the wife is out of town don't I?

Thank you for all of your kind words about this blog. I really enjoy doing it and it does this old codger good to know that he might brighten someone else's stressful day even if just for a moment. Ha, I said old codger. Remember, tomorrow is Friday; if you feel like calling in sick and joining me for a movie tomorrow let me know. When I write the blog I will not mention you were there. Better yet, take a vacation day and I can mention you were there. Hasta!