Thursday, May 6, 2010

Keep Your Mouth Shut!

I can't get started on my blog today. The creative juices are leaking somewhere other than my brain so If I start typing maybe they'll by-pass my brain and go directly to my fingertips.

Yesterday I took a shower, as I do everyday, and I decided to do something differently. No need to stop reading, it's not gross or any thing (I don't think it is anyway). I decided to brush my teeth while I showered. Why hasn't someone thought of this before? I did the regular shower and then brushed my teeth at the end while standing under the warm water. It made me brush longer I think. I need to invent a cabinet or something that we can install in showers for our toothbrushes, toothpaste... I didn't floss in the shower because I didn't know how that would work but I think I will introduce that into my new dental regimen today. Gotta walk before we run. I may also leave the conditioner in my hair while I brush and floss so I get silkier smoother hair. Crest Shampoo or Organix toothpaste? (my brands of choice in case the sponsorship thing pans out)

I left my wallet in my pants and couldn't find my pants? Who loses their pants? Maybe when I was changing into my superhero get-up I left them in a ....(there's no phone booths anymore) cyber cafe? Who am I Wilt Chamberlain? They were in the hamper. When did I start putting things in a hamper; probably when I started doing the laundry.

I worked out and rode my bike yesterday. Bike riding rule #1 keep your mouth closed while riding your bike. It's great if you ride hard and have to breath heavier but breath through your nose. A HUGE bug went straight into my mouth and right down my throat. How many Weight-Watchers points in a bug? It depends on the weight and kind of bug I suppose. Anyway, I stopped and wrote this in my notebook because even though it seemed like a big deal I knew I'd forget it. Got back to riding my bike and I saw a huge bug coming at my head again...AND MY MOUTH WAS OPEN!!!! Luckily my lookouts saw the in-coming enemy and took defensive measures (closing my mouth) and he hit my deflector shields (my lip). Do as I blog not as I do - SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Just thinking about it makes that lump in my throat where the bug took his dying breath re-appear...blecccchhhh! Would a vegetarian freak out more than a carnivore if they swallowed a bug?

The sausage races just began as the kids ran for the bus. Lately they have been very brave. They used to run around on the sidewalks of the cul-de-sac but for the last few weeks they have been racing right down the middle of the street. The cocktail weenie racers still use the warning track (sidewalks). The smaller the sausage the smarter the meat?

I found my receipt from the salad bar from a couple of days ago. My salad weighed 1.7 pounds. No wonder I didn't have room for my Fuji apple. That's the weight of seven Royales with Cheese. Can I wash this salad down with some of your tasty beverage? What am I, training for the salad eating contest at Coney Island? Where would a salad eating contest be held anyway? Schnuck's, I guess?

Advise for the day - keep your mouth shut unless you're brushing your teeth in the shower or eating a Fuji apple. And, get your Mother's Day shopping done!

(Organix Shampoo photo rinsed and repeated from herbalcompanion.com, Crest toothpaste flossed from loonietimes.com, bug photo exterminated from outdoors.webshots.com & salad photo car-jacked from pbase.com)

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