Happy "international tell all of your friends about my blog day." I think some of you must have thought that was yesterday because I got three times more "page impressions" than my average yesterday.Thank you, thank you. I know most of you got the days mixed up but, unfortunately, by official "Day-Of" law it doesn't let you off the hook for today. Yesterday was actually "Official Top Gun Day." Sorry I didn't get you anything. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? (answer later - man, am I getting good at these cliff-hanger dealies).
Last night I was working out and added new sets to my workout without even planning on it. Since every part of my life has to have a soundtrack, in case it's ever made into a feature film, Roz (my I-Pod), was playing my workout playlist but I was living on the edge and put it on "shuffle." I know what you're thinking, "Matt, you are a crazy man!" I dare you to work out and try not to dance and shadow box between sets when Mmmbop (Hanson) and Pon De Replay (Rihanna) come on. No, I don't dare you, I implore you! Then, if you would have walked in and heard the next songs (Gin & Juice by the Gourds and 'Cause I Got High by Afroman) you would have thought I was up to something other than working out in the basement. I told you I have a wide taste in music.
Yesterday I was checking the info page/guide on DirectTV (sponsorship patch) and I saw that the Today show was on from 7-11 AM and one of the guests was Shia Lebeouf. If you want to take a chance of catching
Shia on Today you have to watch all four hours of the program or DVR it or just play channel-changing roulette and see if it's your lucky day? Free advise for the Today show - break your one four-hour segment down into eight half-hour segments and you'll get more viewers. No one is gonna watch four straight hours to see Shia Lebeouf. He's a good actor and all but I don't know if we have time to even watch four straight hours if you had the guaranteed winning Powerball numbers. It will become more obvious that you're lazy programmers though so it may backfire on you. I majored in Radio-Television in college in the Middle of the country and I have watched television since before the first moon landing so I am pretty much an expert in this matter so take warning Today! I went to Wal-Mart yesterday; I should get frequent shopper miles. When I was paying for my groceries the lady asked me, "would you like to round the total up and give the rest to (fill in the blank charity)?" You lost me at "would you like to?"
Everywhere I go people want my (Sugar Momma's)money for this and that charity. As you know, I am a very charitable person with Sugar Momma's money but I want to choose where my (her) charity money goes and I am a tremendous skeptic and know that whoever takes my (her) money pockets a percentage of it. I am big-hearted but I don't have the word "sucker" written on my face. It's tattooed on my arm so I can hide it with my shirt sleeves. I used to feel guilty saying "no" but I don't anymore. "Just say no" to letting people steal your money. I will start being more charitable when my bank account is finally funded by that forth-coming deposit from that Nairobi Prince that's wire-transferring $400,000 to my bank account. Any day now!Also, while I was at Wal-mart, four separate twenty-something girls smiled and said "hi" to me. I think I might be a hottie (my daughter would say I'm a creeper right here and I'm pretty sure that's a compliment because she says it a lot to me and I know she likes me). Me being a hottie is the only explanation that my fragile male ego will allow me to accept. These were cute women too not the women you see on the "People of Wal-mart" websites. Wait a minute, maybe they were talking to me to get me to smile so someone could take my picture for that website. Nope...I'm definitely a hottie. You better reckanize Sugar Momma (that's hipster talk for "recognize" meaning show some respect). Why do guys always think that every woman that says "hi" and smiles has a secret agenda? I guarantee most of YOU guys are wrong (unlike me who is correct).
I know I went off on Arizona yesterday but I am right so I don't feel bad if I hurt Arizona's feelings; tough love. I was further wondering yesterday how come we don't hear anything from
Arizona Senator John McCain on this matter? Why is Sarah Palin traveling the country weighing-in on this? She's from Alaska. Do all the states that begin with the letter "A" have a club? Other than Idaho at least the rest of us "I" states (Illinois, Iowa, Indiana) stay together (literally) in the Middle of the country. You "A"s (just a coincidence it sounds like "ass" when you say it fast) are spread throughout the country. Not only are you A's spread throughout this country but the entire World for that matter. Get your A's together and see if you can collectively solve this issue before I's have to come over there and solve it for you.Speaking of Iowa, "The Field of Dreams" farm is for sale in Iowa. The farmhouse, something like 190 acres, the baseball field and a concession stand all for around $5 million. Personally, I think The National Baseball Hall of Fame should buy it and move the museum to a place where more people would visit...the MIDDLE of the country. I realize Cooperstown, New York is the disputed place where baseball was invented by Abner Doubleday but it's the "national past-time" so make it so that the whole nation can see it. Hey, Baseball Hall of Fame...buy it and more will come. If people want to start pooling their money I will chip in $400,000 when I get my wire transfer.
Thanks to all of the rain yesterday there are several new lakes in town. Watch out Minnesota, Illinois is now the land of 9,999,997 lakes, we're right behind you. Well, actually we're below you with most of the other "I" states. Get over hear Idaho, you're making us look bad!
Remember to tell people about mattinthemiddle.blogspot.com today. I don't want to collect the most business cards ever collected just to have the most people reading my blog. Hey, when Alicia Keys hires her Head Blogger is she gonna have a Head Blogger's Ball? Oh, that awesomely hilarious joke reminds me...why did the cookie go to the doctor?...(wait for it)....(wait for it)...because he felt crummy (crumby)... Have a great Friday and Happy Festivus! (you just said "rest of us" didn't you?)
**blog photo screen-copied from scienceblog.com, today show logo dvr'd from alwaysupward.com, festivus photo stolen until it hurt from zazzle.com and john mccain photo immigrated from scrapetv.com**
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