Friday, April 2, 2010

T.G.I.G.F. (Good Friday)

Isn't Good Friday redundant? Like David Brent and Good Friday I, too, have become redundant.

I told you yesterday that I would let you know why I did only four miles rather than six on the elliptical Wednesday. I have what I like to call Andy Bernard Syndrome. You may remember in the episode of The Office (the American version) when they had the "Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race for the Cure." In that episode Andy said, “...(I) have sensitive nipples, they chaff, so they become more sensitive, so they chaff more. So I take precautions.” well I have this too but not to the extent that Andy had it thankfully. I usually wear my Body Glove (** contact me for endorsement deal) rash guard as my precaution. It offers protection from U.V. rays while boating, surfboard burns... while you’re in the water. I, however, have found another middle American use for the rash guard. I have been wearing mine under my workout clothes when I do running, elliptical, treadmill... and it has made it so I don’t have any Andy Bernard Disease flare-ups. I thought maybe it was because of my moobs (man-boobs) before but I am down to an A cup now and it still started at 4 miles. My daughter says maybe I should wear a “Bro” but you know how I responded...it’s a Manssiere! I think I am going to organize the "Matt Helser's Blog Middle America Memorial Celebrity Nipple Sensitivity Awareness Less Than Four Mile Fun Run Race for the Cure." And maybe instead of those T-shirt the runs usually give out I will have manssieres and bro's for participants.

How come we Americans couldn’t handle the metric system but we drink from 2 litre bottles and my daughters scooter has a 50 cubic centimeter (50 cc’s) engine? Why did we decide to use these two but not the rest of the metric system. Beverages and engines are given preferential treatment and I want it stopped!

The metric system came to mind because my daughter bought a motorcycle (scooter) that was shipped here from California. I unloaded it from the semi in our cul-de-sac (with the driver) in the winter and pulled it out of the crate because it was winter and we wouldn’t be able to get our cars in the garage with it in the crate. I haven’t been able to get it started. I thought there was a shut-off switch for the fuel but I could not find it under that pink contraption. My brother-in-law Tom came over since he has built an antique truck from scratch and he’s had motorcycles so he is more qualified than I. I'm not what you'd call mechanical. I am more of what you'd call an idiot. He and I pretty much took most of the engine apart and each of us did different things separately and together that either did or didn't work and ultimately it is running now. I must have looked majestic testing driving it around the block riding like the pink wind.

I am starting to wander in my mind on another tangent and I am trying to keep it short - my fourth goal in writing these blogs. So I will write it in my still breathing notepad.

No lunches to make today because everybody is off. The kids are off of school and Jill's work is closed. Ironically, since I am unemployed, I have to work today at noon. Let's call this Topsy-Turvy Day.

To heck with a good Friday have a great Friday! (hoping the lighting strikes me when I'm away from by family's belongings)

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