Tanqueray and Chronic Well I'm Postal Now!

I gotta vent for a minute. I am sick and tired of trying to do the right things and getting screwed. I take on these part-time jobs because: A) I don't want to feel like a lazy loafer 2) they're the only things available right now C)the extra money helps to supplement the unemployment and 4) it's the right thing to do when you live in a society. I called in my unemployment today and I made too much money doing the Census and now I won't get my unemployment this week (for the past two weeks) which is going to make paying the bills hard again for the next two weeks. We'll do it because we're the brain-washed ones (The Middles) that don't try to screw the system. I went to the unemployment office before I started working this second job and apparently I am too feeble-minded to know how to play by the rules and not get screwed. Now I have to go back down there today and figure out how to unscrew my family. It will take at least two weeks to get de-screwed. Can I charge $2,000 for a de-screw like the government does for a screw? Now I don't know if I want to get called back for the next phase of the Census. Thanks for letting me try to vent but I DO NOT feel better yet. Maybe I'll start a telethon or a phony-bologna (or is it phongna-bologna or phony-bolony)foundation. Save The Helsers Foundation. The facilitators of those foundations get nice fat "administrative fees" right? ARRGGHHHHHH....

I gotta find my notebook before I burst a vessel...Ha...I wrote in my book yesterday while I was working in the yard (wearing my Kenny Chesney cowboy hat even though I don't listen to much country music) that I should start a commune. I think the idea of a commune is fairly nice but the drinking the Kool-aid or going all David Koresh or Charles Manson always seems to follow. I am sure they started those ways-of-life for nice reasons like community gardens and love and stuff but they seem to turn dark somehow. They need to stay true to the hippie life style but that seems impossible so I guess I'll just keep taking it up my Middle tailpipe. At least I get to blog something different for a change huh? Is it too late in the Middle of life to start with the gonja? Tanqueray and Chronic well I'm blogged-up now (probably do Rum instead like a Marley thing). I wish Middle-aged white dudes looked good in dreads. I love dreadlocks.

I wrote a poem yesterday for Earth Day. I've always thought it a bit effeminate to write poetry, I don't know why, but since I take being effeminate as a compliment I wrote one. My effeminate side is what keeps me from going postal...HULK SMASH!!! While I was writing the poem, and I am not kidding or embellishing this, a small bird (sparrow) landed on the window screen and grabbed the screen with his claws or talons or whatever sparrows have and looked at me and turned his head back-and-forth like birds do. I took it as he got some kind of energy vibe from me writing the poem to help bring awareness of saving his and my planet but I'm sure it's really just some bird seeing his reflection and wanting to reproduce with himself. I wish it had been "Three Little Birds"; that would have been so cool right now mon. I prefer to think it was my effeminate poetry vibe. Anyway. Here is my poem (cue the sappy music)
Happy Earth Day 2010

By Matt Helser
inspired by ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore and MOTHER EARTH

‘Twas the night before Earth Day and all through the land
not a mountain was stirring but the one in Iceland,
the oceans still home to millions of creatures
had now started changing with disfiguring features,
the humans had become so careless with waste
that chemicals and plastic were destroying their face,
the prairies were dying from our greed and excess
which also caused economies to cry in distress,
we need to make changes the Earth says “real quick”
or the beauty we cherish she’ll remove in a flick,
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle are words to live by
before acid rain tears become Earth’s brand new cry,
It’s not too late to stop the resisting
our grandchildren will thank us by simply existing,
the Earth will exclaim with the dawn of new mornings
“thank you for listening and heeding my warnings.”

I have a lot more to write but my premature eVENTualtion caused this to go in a different direction and made it long.

One more quick thing - my blog word from yesterday "bloggestion" has been reviewed by the editors at Urban Dictionary and it will be added in the next few days to The Urban Dictionary. I don't know if that's a big deal or a phologna-boloney thing but at least the Earth will know I invented a made-up word. Thanks to S.C. (my loyal facebook friend and "peep") for the bloggestion to go to Urban Dictionary.

See you on Earth Day...remember "One Love"...does mary jane grow in this climate? Off to the Unemployment Office and I think I might soak up some sun and drink some Tommy Bahama and Captain Morgan rums today...I will be in the backyard by the fire-pit with those rum boys this afternoon if you want to stop on by - seriously!

(graphics from: Kenny Chesney-mykindofcountry.files.wordpress.com, Bob Marley - layoutsparks.com, Earth-stpaulcathedral.org)