Be Sick Lose Weight

I just heard three gun shots off toward Northern Illinois University (5:22AM). I hope I am wrong. I have been awake for a while but I was lying in bed listening to the birds and the shots rang out. There are gun incidents here about every week. DeKalb is becoming Tombstone, Arizona of the 1870's. I will watch the news today and hope I heard a truck back-firing or something. If it was gunshots this is the quickest news ever; I don't hear sirens yet (11 minutes later)so maybe, and hopefully, I'm mistaken.

Speaking of watching the news the Dekalb newspaper (Daily Chronicle) this weekend lead with all of my blog stories. The helicopters, my Census job and a photo of my other part-time place of employment all on the front page. WTF (why the face)?

The Special Ops that I have been a part of seems to be winding down. Hopefully I will be chosen to work the regular Census now since I am a veteran. The next phase will be so much easier than Special Ops for reasons I cannot go into.

I am having trouble eating correctly again lately. I am eating a bunch of crap food though I am not gaining weight. I am working out still and staying very active and I think my Mattabolism is working better now that I have things under control but I have to reel it in before I head back to that dark place. Hopefully, putting it in writing here will help me get back in charge. I think part of it is the change of the weather and being outside a lot more and driving with the windows open. I have always had a theory that being fat has a lot to do with having an acute sense of smell.

I am totally convinced that restaurants have a subliminal (maybe not so subliminal but sneaky) form of advertising. They pump the smells of their foods out of a ventilation system so we can smell the food. It's like we are the children (or rats in reality) of Hamlin marching toward the sea blindly following the greasy goodness in a smell-induced drunken stupor. Did you ever wonder why most smokers are skinny and we aren't that hungry while we are sick? It's because we can't smell as well then. Not being able to smell is the serum to their poisonous smellvertising (trademark pending). Stuff your nose with tissues and lose weight. That's the new diet I am going to start - Nose Stuffing!

If girls are Divas are boys Divos?

I have been thinking of all the Earthquakes and volcanoes and tsunamis and meteorites and have thought that maybe Earth is in a terrarium-like bowl in some little kid's room and he/she is just screwing with us for his/her amusement. We are like a giant ant farm and he/she just got a new magnifying glass for his/her birthday. If we hold out long enough it will end because a child's attention-span is pretty short these days. I think there was an episode of The Simpsons something like that.

Does anybody else try to watch a television talk show and then decide not to watch it because of all the applause? The two that come to mind the most are Ellen and Rachel Ray. "I use ricotta cheese..." (four minutes of applause), "I saw a tree that looked like Will Ferrell today" (five minutes of applause), "Did anyone (applause) remember to (applause) turn your (applause)..." I think I should contact Saturday Night Live with this for a sketch idea. "We can't come up with an hour's worth of material so let's have the audience fill a half-hour with clapping and cheering." At least you can DVR through commercials though they are getting better at making commercials blend to look like the show you are watching. I challenge you to try to fast-forward through the clapping. You'd have to be an Olympic remote-controller and I'm about as close as you can get; it can't be done.

Remember the Rally at South Elgin High School for education today at 4:00PM. I want to see you on the news tonight. Earth Day is Thursday.

Have a good Monday - call in disinterested. Still no sirens or the helicopters that we get periodically; maybe it was a truck - they hate Mondays too.

(Images miraculously appeared from: chitty chitty bang bang - farm4.static.flicker.com, tombstone - gstatic.com, monday's - 2.bp.blogspot.com)