Glitz and Glamour and Giant Milk Vessels!

I didn't blog yesterday; sorry, if you were looking for it. Saturday night I worked and there were a few incidents that night that required me to have to stay later for paperwork so I didn't get home until almost 5:00AM Sunday. Then Fabio had a couple of basketball games yesterday so the day just slipped away sleepily.

The Academy Awards were last night and I did pretty well with my original six predictions of the big six awards at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS (all the winners are listed there). The only one I missed was Best Director; I guess I made that pick with my heart more than my head anyway so I wasn't surprised. Of the top six I consider Best Director number six anyway so if I was gonna miss one that's the one I'd want to miss. I did just add a pick for Best Documentary pick Friday and I wasn't surprised I missed that one either.

Bjork shall lead us!

Did you watch any of the Oscars?  I watched it off and on but I watched a lot of the pre-show while doing other things. Why do we give a crap what everybody is wearing to the Oscars? We know you're all richer than us but then you rub it in our faces that you get to wear clothing from the best designers in the world and you are lent jewels that are more valuable than most of our houses. It would be so nice to see someone show up and then get asked "who are you wearing?" and they say My shoes are by Nike, my trousers are Dockers and my shirt is by Fruit of the Loom. You already know the awards shows and all-star games drive me batty but when they rub our faces in it that even drives me more insane. And, they are so sensitive that we can't even say "and the winner is" anymore. But, here I am blogging about them and I do watch some of those shows...I guess I am part of the problem...figures! Maybe Bjork was onto something at the 2001 Academy Awards. No wonder everybody made fun of her. She was rocking the boat of the celerity world and they weren't gonna have it. Maybe she was just being weird but that's how most genius begins - right Lady Ga Ga? Wait, maybe she outsmarted all of the other celebs because I am still blogging about her 10 years later. Can you tell me what any other woman wore that night? Damn!

It's still the end of the month for one more day (today) so as you can probably tell my PMS is still raging. Wow, tomorrow's March 1st. One day closer to March 2nd I guess. Maybe the water-weight will be gone tomorrow.

While driving to the basketball games yesterday I wondered to myself, "self, why are salt sheds shaped like breasts?" I am sure there is a reason like: that's the way piles of salt form when you dump the salt or it's a moisture issue or something but I don't really want to know the reason I just find giant breasts on the side of the road rather distracting while I am trying to pay attention to the road.  I think it would be funny to have a street artist find a couple of these structures next to one another and then make it look like a giant woman is lying down out in the field. Let me know when you come back to America Banksy I will help you and I can start a farm art documentary.

mmmm, shamrock shakes

We stopped at our local 7-eleven, oh thank heaven, to get a breakfast snack on our way to the games yesterday. I had just watched Zombieland and had a hankerin' for a Twinkie. Just like in the movie...they were out of Twinkies! I don't eat that kind of food very often anymore so I was pretty happy they didn't have any after I was down the road a piece. I guess the Zombieland diet gods were watching out for me. I wonder if they store the cream filling in one of those giant storage breasts. Now that would make sense! They should shape milk storage tanks like that. It would do a Matty good to see a milk truck driving down the street looking like two giant breasts. White trucks for white milk and brown trucks for chocolate milk; I don't think milk will ever be able to conquer their segregation issues.  I rarely drink milk because I think it is made for baby cows and I don't want to look like a baby cow again but I may change my mind if they used this storage suggestion as an ad campaign.

When I picked Sugar Momma up at the train last week I texted her (while driving) "you will recognize me, I will be the one that looks like me."

Thanks Banksy!

The saga of Charlie Sheen continues. He is now demanding an almost 50% raise to return to Two and a Half Men. He says he should make $3 Million per episode. The poor guy only makes a little under $2 Million per episode now. I hereby throw my hat in the ring to replace him for $20,000 (twenty thousand dollars) an episode. Also, since I am a terrible negotiator, you can probably have me for far less. What a freaking wing nut (him, not me?). Nobody knows me but they will still tune in to see who the idiot who replaced Charlie Sheen is. I can tell stupid penis jokes and play a drunken womanizer. I'm packing now...WHO should I wear to my first press conference?

Alright, gotta go get some things done...like try to find a job. Or, should I just wait for the Two and a Half Men people to call? Have a great Leap Year Eve (if this were a leap year). I will try to be in better blogging spirits tomorrow. TTT March...MITM (out like a lyin')

What Came First the Wiener or the Nuts?

He's drivin' me nuts old chap

Remember my idea for having a show that pits mascots against one another in competitions of various forms? The sequel to that show would be famous product vehicles racing or jumping or whatever their particular vehicles do. What would come first? The wiener (Oscar Mayer) or the nuts (Planters)?

Get out FUMUNDA there

     I am able to blog this morning because Fabio's games aren't until tonight. That's one of the things that I haven't liked about this season of travel basketball over last season; we don't know what time the games are until like a day before the games. We know what towns we play in and which days we play way ahead but that's it. It's hard to tell other people (grandparents, friends...) who want to see games and it was hard for me to sign up for my part-time job. So now, tonight I am working at 9:00PM and I will miss his two games. It's not the end of the world and I need to work and Sugar Momma is going but it just would have been nice to know ahead of time so I could have chosen differently had I wanted to. It was a lot more efficient when Debbie and Coach Todd were in charge of the whole thing like last season. Just like many things, you never truly appreciate what you had until it changes.

Eat just one....I triple dog dare ya!

     I can't remember was it Jay's or Lay's potato chips whose advertisement campaign was "Betcha can't eat just one?" I am pretty sure it was Lay's. I am finding that I can't eat just one of anything lately! I dare you to open a package of any food product that has multiple pieces of a ready-to-eat product that are not individually wrapped that you like (chips, cookies, M&M's, nuts, radishes, cereal, shrimp...you get the idea) and try to just eat one. I don't believe it can be done. I say that ad campaign was definitely NOT false advertisement. So far today's blog has been about wieners and nuts and snacks; I may have a difficult time eating properly today. Maybe blogging will get the mind-cravings out of the way and the rest of the day will be a breeze. Now I am thirsty for a Sea Breeze.

Speaking of food (well, if you consider bologna food) I heard Weird Al Yankovic talking about the first song of his that became popular on Comedy Death Ray Radio the other day. I am sure that you have already figured out that it was My, Bologna. Did you realize that was in 1979? Anyway, he recorded it a broom closet across the hall from Dr. Demento's studio. When the song started to become popular the record company bought the rights to the song from Weird Al for $500. A year or two later when Al wanted to re-record it and put it on an album the record company charged him $1000 for the rights to re-record his own song. That just made me wonder how it will work for me to play songs on the podcast. If I buy the songs on iTunes do I own the song for rebroadcast? I guess I had better research that. But, getting sued is good press right? Hey that goes back to the wienermobile - my bologna has a first name it's OSCAR....MAYER (weird).

I know what it is supposed to mean when a black cat crosses your path but the other night I had a red fox cross my path. What does that mean? I'ma comin' Elizabeth?

This entire blog has been about food and the 1970's it seems. I guess I am feelin' the blues a little bit today - it his that time of the month you know - so I revert back to simpler times of eating everything and being a kid. The end of the month is usually Pre Mattstruation Syndrome time for me so that makes sense. It's probably your time of the blog too because they say people that are connected by blogs often are on the same cycles. Enjoy your weekend. I will blog you again sometime tomorrow though I don't know when. I gotta go shovel the driveway now - drat! TTTT...MITM (out)

cue the music (if I die today this will be a really cool last blog song)

Will Estevez lose Sheen? (not Gloria - she's awesome)

Experience my Dirty Laundry starting 4/1/11

cue the music
I see a lot of Facebook posts that want me to copy and paste their Facebook status as my Facebook status. I often believe in their causes but I rarely do this though I did it a couple of times when it was new and all the kids were trying it; it was total Facebook peer pressure stuff. I am cautious to viruses (both on the internet and in public restrooms) and I am generally a slightly-paranoid person contrary to my mild-mannered carefree demeanor. I have found one that I know for a fact is virus free (at least when I found it) and I think everyone should experience the freedom and joy of posting one that will help liberate the world and spread joy...please paste the following paragraph as your Facebook status for one hour...

If you are someone or you know of someone who likes idiots and likes to know what idiots think about in the MIDDLEwest please post this as your Facebook status for one hour (of course, it is my hope that you will forget that you changed your status and it will be up there for all of your Facebook friends to see and repost for the entire weekend). I think the best blog ever is Matt In The Middle. You can go to www.mattinthemiddle.blogspot.com if you don't believe me. Furthermore there is soon to be a podcast called Dirty Laundry (set to launch April 1, 2011) brought to you by the same fractured minds that bring us Matt In The Middle and Middle Movie Reviews! And make sure to visit the newly started  Dirty Laundry's Facebook group page... you and I are spreading awesomeness one Facebook friend at a time...welcome to the new age of marketing - you're welcome!  (post script - it turns out there is a word limit on Facebook statuses and, like always, I am too wordy so, copy my current abbreviated status on Facebook instead, if you wish)

I think I may be onto the next big annoying marketing technique...remember that you learned of it here first but don't blame me when it is slowing down the entire WORLD wide web.

Namaste Big Sean, Namaste!

I am going to try to blog this weekend but Fabio's basketball tournament is Saturday and Sunday and I am supposed to work some dance from 9:00PM until 3:00AM Sat/Sun so no promises. Does iHop have wifi? Maybe I will see if they do when I get ff of work at 3:00AM Saturday to do the blog. You would think a business called I-Hop would be internet savvy like iTunes and iPhone and iPod... isn't the "i" for "internet?" Big Sean is supposed to be the DJ or star of the dance; hip-hop to I-Hop (what a life I lead).

I am reading my past blognotes and most of the things are already outdated and some of them I wrote when I clearly had a bad MATTitude so I will probably not use those right now. I don't want to send you into your weekend with a bad Mattitude.

A family get-together on Dirty Laundry would be fantastic

Did you hear that the show Two and a Half Men's producers have decided to cancel the rest of the season due to a radio interview that Charlie sheen participated in? Remember several months back when I blogged about how this show was just a half hour of pre-pubescent humor and I stopped watching it? I am happy that Hollywood reads this blog and decided to do the right thing and follow my lead. I doubt that the show will resume taping again even after this season (another MITM prediction). if you want to hear the Charlie sheen interview that may have cost him his career click THIS LINK though it is long (TWSS speaking of pre-pubescent humor). Martin Sheen (Ramon Antonio Gerard Estevez) must be very proud. I bet Emilio is so happy he kept the Estevez name. Talk about Dirty Laundry! (premiering April 1st)

Thanks for the high gas prices from the MIDDLEeast Libya. Thanks for the political entertainment in The MIDDLEwest Wisconsin. Have a nice Friday and I will try to blog this weekend but with my schedule and having to do the whole Academy awards thing Sunday (who to wear, who to wear). Make sure to follow along with the MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEW Oscar score card. TTTASAP...MITM (bloggin' off)

OK - I Believe You!

cue the music
Thirsty already? where has the week gone? I guess I am a little Thursday; plasma day always leaves me a bit parched. Forgive me if this goes astray today. Never mind, that's what this always does. So, forgive me if this doesn't go astray but I am multi-tasking and my noodle is ill-equipped for such tasks. I am going through some of the old shows that I did on Jimmy Buffett's Radio Margarita looking for a couple of specific songs. I did two different shows there (about 25 or 30 hour-long shows) - The Mattgarita Happy Hour and Cheeseburger Radio. I am sure you have heard of them...they're household names. They were at our house anyway.

Yesterday while working at the job fair I was called: Hon, Honey and Doll; that's a lot better than being called Mitch like I was last year. These names were not being sprinkled on me by older women either (no, not by guys). I wasn't offended. In fact, I guess I was flattered but I cannot imagine calling a stranger Toots or even Hon or Doll. Why does it seem wrong when a guy does it but it's okay when a woman does it? Maybe I answered my own question before I asked it - "I wasn't offended, in fact, I guess I was flattered." You gals know we cavemen love to have our egos stroked (no joke comes to mind here).

Ready to be "aired" out April 1, 2011

I am shooting for a launch date for the Dirty Laundry podcast of April 1st, 2011. I think it is appropriate for obvious reasons and if I don't get it up that day (TWSS) I can just use the best excuse for lying ever..."APRIL FOOLS!" "I forgot" is a pretty good one too if it's not April 1st. So far there have been a deluge of stars requesting to be on the premier episode of Dirty Laundry so, as not to offend the ones that we don't choose, there probably won't be any big stars on the first podisode (patent/copyright/trademark).

I found out that the Matt In The Middle blog has become somewhat of a wedding planning site. One of the most faithful of MITM followers (though I am happy that there are a lot of you) is going to have her wedding reception at one of the places blogged about on this blog. She told me that the blog is the reason that she chose this particular place. I am so flattered that she took my blog to heart...literally. I am pretty sure I will be asked to sing at the wedding but I will decline right now but remember that I was going to be asked. I would be willing to become an ordained minister and perform the ceremony if necessary, however. Blog will find a way!

I can't wait for the podcast because I have so much to blog about but if I keep going this is gonna be a mile long (TWSS). If it were a podcast I could just talk faster and get it all in. I write so many notes in my blogbook that I never use. what a shame because everything I write is blog-worthy. April Fools!

The President of Pop Culture

Oh, I do have to do one more thing today because I promised. The Popchips review and the reason for The Quest for the Popchips! My friend Debbie in South Carolina sent me a link for a the Popchips search for a Vice President of Pop Culture. The job pays $50,000 and the person they choose will assist the president, Ashton Kutcher, in promoting the chips. I was all set and excited to do this but then I tasted the chips and they taste way too chemically for me; I cannot represent a product I don't believe it. (in all fairness I only tried the one type though) I heard that Florence Henderson is running for the job too; how would I have a chance against Carol Brady anyway? You can hit that link up there if you want to take a crack at it and I will support you instead. Maybe I could be your Popchip Pop Culture Blogger. Thanks Debbie for the heads up. Debbie was also the person who turned me on to becoming Alicia Keys' blogger which I did apply for but was denied. I can't wait until Ms. Keys wants to be on Dirty Laundry "airing" April 1st! I am a forging person and would welcome her with open arms. But the first question would be "WHY?"

Bananas in Pajamas are very appealing!

I have enough left for three more blogs and I am sure I will write a bunch more before tomorrow. Thanks for hanging out with me today. By the by...I bought a bunch of bananas today and am going to wait for them to "ripen" and then I am making banana bread because of last night's banana bread talk on Facebook. Dole didn't let me know it was National Banana Bread Day yesterday until too late...how about a heads up on important days like that one...now I look like a monkey (and I smell like one too) beacue I didn't get my Banana Bread Day cards sent. Don't worry Jay, I will get some strawberries for your banana bread. Blog to you tomorrow dolls. TTTT...MITM (ooh, ooh, aah, out)

"I've Got Nipples...Could You Milk Me?"

Wednesday is gonna be kinda crazy so I am blogging this Tuesday night and I will post it in the morning Wednesday (which should be today if I got the time machine programmed properly). I'm taking Sugar Momma to the train station Wednesday morning and then getting back to work by 9:30AM. I am working a job fair; maybe there will be a job for me there with luck. I don't think I will be off of work in time but I have been a asked to help with a presentation for second graders at an Agriculture Day presentation. I am supposed to dress like a cow for a "cow to ice cream" demonstration. I think I might like to get milked; I'm always open to new things. I will have my camera with me in case it happens because I know you'd like to see that too.

There's nothing funny about cows...stop the laughing



In addition to possibly dressing like a cow I have also been asked if I'd like to be a Red Cross volunteer which I am considering and I have been asked if I want to join a group of people who are riding their bicycles across Iowa, border to border - Illinois to Missouri, this summer. I wouldn't mind doing that but I think I would need a new bike. I don't think my Murray that I have had for close to twenty years would be up to it even if I am.

Blogging of dressing like a cow...Laughing Cow Cheese is pretty good but I think I know how they got that name. They are laughing all the way to the Bailey's Milking and Loan. That cheese is pretty expensive but I guess it's worth it because it's really good and very low cal/fat. Laughing Cow is rolling in MOOOOOOOOOLAH! I bet if I get a photo of me dressed like a cow there will be Laughing ABOUT that Cow! I will be sure to say CHEESE!

While I was unsuccessfully trying to take a nap Tuesday I turned Netflix on and watched a movie that Splenda had found that she and I watched over her Christmas break called Exit Through the Gift Shop. It has been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Documentary. I figured since I had seen it I would easily be able to fall asleep through it if I watched it a second time but I was wrong. Even with only an hour and a half of sleep Monday night I couldn't nap. I am going to do a review of the film right after I am done writing this at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS. Since that was last night by the time you read this you can click that MMR link and read the review now.

OMG Google is so much better than Bing...Bing stinks. Just blogging.

Are you familiar with Penn Jillette? You probably are even if you don't know it. He's the big one, the one who talks (A LOT), from the comedy magic duo of Penn and Teller. I like Penn and Teller and find their views, as vocalized by Penn, thought-provoking even if I don't always agree with their arguments or their over the top passion. I recently came across something called Penn Point where Jillette voices his views on his vlog (video blog). The one that I found that I want to blog you about is one comparing astrology with racism. I never thought about it but astrology is kind of used as a form of discrimination by those who really believe in the power of the zodiac. So, if you have a problem with Leos who were Virgos a couple of months ago I guess I'm your huckleberry. If you don't like Leos but you liked me when I was a Virgo can you just all of a sudden not like me because I am no longer a Virgo? Now I am confused (not hard to do)...if Ophiuchus is the new, thirteenth, zodiac sign how come nobody is an Ophiuchusian?

I can tell I am getting Middler and Middler. The other day after my workout I decided to do some push ups. I just did 25 and my arms (my AK- 47's) felt fine but my wrists were killing me. What is that about? How do I workout my wrists? Nevermind! Maybe it was just because I had just finished working out. That's what I am gonna tell myself. I have to ignore the fact that I may just be limp-wristed.

Have a nice Humpster Day. I ran out of blog to tell you about Popchips though they probably don't mind me mentioning them one more day. I will tell you that I tried the ones I got Tuesday and they have a kind of chemical taste. I will tell you more tomorrow; blogging that will probably ruin my chances for what I bought them for but I can't lie to you. TTTT...MITM (vegetarian cow out) TA! cue my favorite cow song (sort of)

post script - congratulations to Rahm Emanuel for winning the Chicago mayoral primary by enough percentage points to become the next mayor of Chicago without a run-off.  He will become the city's first Jewish-American mayor. They have had a woman mayor, an African-American mayor and now a Jewish-American mayor....good for you MIDDLE city with big shoulders and thank you for sparing us more of those campaign commercials. (MITM out for real this time)

A Blog Smarter than Jefferson and Washington Combined!

Founding fathers say no!

Happy George Washington's Birthday! Yesterday being Presidents' Day they were playing all of those specials on each of the presidents on The History Channel and the like. I saw where Thomas Jefferson, while still Governor of Virginia, fled by horseback when the British invaded; I had never heard that before. He and George Washington were also both slave owners as most of us know. In his book Notes on the State of Virginia Jefferson wrote "that the blacks, whether originally a distinct race, or made distinct by time and circumstances, are inferior to the whites in the endowments both of body and mind." And George Washington owned hundreds of slaves. I cannot pretend to know how it was to live in their time but knowing what I know about myself I am pretty sure, even then, I would have known that slavery was wrong. I can honestly say that I am much more intelligent than two of the greatest minds in American history when it comes to the opinion of slavery. Maybe we should move Black History Month to a different month from the same month that contains Presidents' Day?

Wow, I sure got up on my soapbox early in this blog didn't I? That is one Helser of an opening paragraph saying that I am smarter than Washington and Jefferson! I only slept from 10:30 PM until about midnight and this morning I gave plasma so I am not my whole self - who knows what you'll get today? I am gonna blog and then probably take a nap. I worked out late last night and that is a no-no with trying to sleep I have read in countless articles that you GREAT friends have sent me. I wish I had a friend named Leslie. I also didn't take the Benadryl and I am sure that I have allergies that this helps throughout the night.

Podcast episode one is under way

Speaking of laying (I know it should be lying) down (TWSS)... I laid down the first track of the podcast...the opening theme. We still have to iron out some of the particulars but I think we are gonna use Garage Band. At least that's where I started the podcast. I just want to keep you abreast of what's going on so you can write that book about it one day and then we can have you on to discuss the book.

I forgot my blogbook this morning and I had a thousand thoughts so I wrote them on the free Northern Star newspaper that I got at plasma fun-time. I bled from my right arm so I wrote with my left; I am getting pretty good at it. So, if I lose my right arm I should be fine though my clothes wouldn't fit as well. I am trying to make out what some of the notes mean though. Since I do write a lot slower and more awkwardly with my left hand I don't write as detailed as I usually do and now I have to call on my brain that thinks worse than my left hand writes.

On the way home this morning I stopped and bought groceries as I do about four times a week (it's tough to eat healthy and have a fourteen-year-old son with the metabolism of the Chicago Bulls). On the way out of the parking lot I saw a new person holding a sign. It is now a woman and her sign read "Job cut, single mom must provide for family." You know how I feel about this; I feel badly but think it is a scam more times than not. She's 200 yards from Biolife Plasma Services. I make $50 a week lying on my back for two hours and I am not even good at it. I know the sign-holders were holding signs here before the man with the golden voice or whatever they called that homeless douche that was on Dr. Phil was "discovered" but is he their new cult hero? Whatever happened to that story? You don't hear much after they found out he was what I have thought of these people since before "his time" which seems to be over. Maybe we should have some of these sign-holders on the podcast?

probably taste like a summers' eve

After that I stopped by Jewel Foods because my buddy Stacee, who is soon to be the best MIDDLE bride in the history of weddings, told me that she saw Popchips at her local Jewel. Jewel had them and now I am the proud owner of a bag of Sea Salt and Vinegar Potato flavored Popchips! Thanks Stacee. Maybe I will tell you the reason for this quest for Popchips tomorrow as my lack of sleep has made me blog on at the mouth. I will also let you know how they taste. Maybe I should continue to do weekend blogs because when I don't look what happens.

Okay...we're done for today. I am going to eat something and take a nap. I am going to dream about the podcast. I already have a "character" that I am developing. Now I want to talk about the history of media but I won't today. Have a great Washington's birthday but in some cases "do what Washington wouldn't do!" (DWWWD) <----patent/trademark/copyright. TTTT...MITM (off to hushabye mountain?) Thank you Penis Von Lesbian (Dick Van Dyke) - from MIDDLE Danville, Illinois - for that lullaby. And don't call me Leslie!

Blog Fit for a President (no filibustering)

cue the music

Happy Presidents' Day. I thought I had better blog today so you knew I was still alive. I have to work at an open house soon so this will have to be short - that's the only way I can keep my big blog shut. I didn't blog this weekend because it seemed I was on the run so much and not many of you read it on the weekend anyway so I thought you wouldn't mind if I took a few days off.

Besides all of the running around for basketball, Sugar Momma and I also went to Elburn to play cards Saturday night. We played euchre and I didn't

 do as well as I bragged I would. My teams lost two games. We won ten but at those rates I thought I would have won twelve. Going 10 - 2 is unacceptable. Maybe next time. The worst part of the night was that I blew my constant diet. I did have too much food though it was all pretty healthy stuff but I drank an entire bottle of rum. I was totally over-served but I do not blame the bartender because he was too sexy and funny to be blamed (yes, I served myself).  Could there be a worse drink when you are trying to watch your diet than rum? It's made purely from sugar cane. I may as well have been drinking maple syrup coladas with cotton candy garnishes (patent/trademark/copyright) all night. At least I was mixing it with caffeine free diet coke. Hey, do you know which alcohol is the only one that is a stimulant? All of the others are depressants but one. 

I need to try to fit working out in today but I don't have time this morning and I am not feeling well. People all around me are sick but I am trying to dodge that bullet; maybe the alcohol will act as a buffer. I will try to think of more excuses not to workout when I get off work but I think I will workout. Maybe Cotton Candy Colada Momma will workout with me tonight. After going to Lou and Sue's house for euchre Saturday sugar Momma went out yesterday and bought the Wii Just Dance game. Sue and Lou had it at their house and SM did it and liked it so now she worked out that way last night. I will probably try it too when I am home alone.

Okay, I have to get primped for work. I hope you have today off work but if not, odds are. you aren't reading this now. Have a good whatever it is you're doing and I will blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM

Soon to be 2 Degrees from Kevin Bacon?

Who was that MATTsed man?

Work today didn't last as long as I had expected. Apparently Wiz is more popular with the young whipper-snappers because none of the MIDDLEfarts showed up to buy tickets today. Last night I stopped back into work and saw the Lipizzaner Stallions getting washed for their big show last night. You know, without the fancy hats and tutus or whatever they wear they look pretty much like white horses. Someone told me that you aren't supposed to look them in the eyes or walk behind them. I have seen enough cowboy movies to know you never walk behind a horse...I got horse sense (that's bad though right?). Anyway, I looked one of them in the eyes but he looked at me first. And, that was before I heard that I wasn't suppose to look them in the eyes. If he had a bad performance last night he was probably spooked by my beauty and ability to walk on two feet. Isn't it polite to look people in the eyes? Why do we want to keep horses down? What are we afraid of? Get your hooves off of me you damn filthy equine!

Take that Kevin Bacon!

     After yesterday's blog my friend for over 35 years, Pam, told me that she is friends with Andy Richter's sister. All of a sudden I am three degrees from Andy Richter (or maybe he is three degrees from Matt In The Middle). I am probably closer to him than Kevin Bacon is! If not, it's pretty close. Talk shows don't count! If I go to see Dan Aykroyd April 1st I will be two degrees from Kevin Bacon (you can figure it out). I will be closer to a BLT than a Seismograph (what a lame joke). Even if I can't get Andy Richter as a podcast guest maybe I can get Pam and Andy Richter's sister anyway? That might be what I should do...get celebrities' relatives and friends to tell me stories about their siblings, friends... so the celebs get angry enough to come on Dirty Laundry to yell at me and Sugar Momma collaterally. A good law suit always provides a lot of free press. No press is bad press!
     Last night Sugar Momma and I got to tour our new 410,000 square foot high school that will open in September. Fabio will be in the first class to go all the way through the school. I am going to post some photos on my Facebook page later if you are one of the interested people with kids going there next year. It may take a while because I took over 100 photos. The school is amazing. It is styled in the Frank Lloyd Wright vein right down to the fireplace in the cafeteria dining area. I am not kidding, our new high school has a fireplace in the cafeteria.

Thank you to Stacee for just sending me a lead on finding Popchips. If I can't find them at Jewel I will contact Jillian Michaels because Stacee said Ms. Michaels is obsessed with them. Get ready to be Matt In The Middled Jillian! Hey Jillian, Girl Scout Cookies have an APP for locating the cookies now. Download the APP and leave some POPchips for the rest of us.

Why do we fold towels after we wash them? I guess they stack better but do we really care if our towels are wrinkled? Come to blog of it can towels actually be unwrinkled? Is it just to distinguish the clean ones from the dirty ones? Are towels really dirty if we use them while we're clean?

I'm off to work-out; the stalling is over. I must say I don't care for working out that much but I love the way I feel when I push through it and am done. The rewards far outweigh the hatred. Tomorrow I am doing the usual weekend basketball tournament thing though this weekend's games are very close for a change. Then, tomorrow night, we are playing euchre with a bunch of friends that we used to do this regularly with. I am a kick-ass euchre player; it's not bragging if it's true right?  I will try to fit the blog in there somewhere for those of you weekend blog readers. Thanks for coming (too easy). TTTT... MITM (trumped out).
cue the music

Wizzle Ma Fizzle Dizzle, Yo!

Hmmmmm...should be fun to work that night!

It's 1:42PM MIDDLEtime and I am eating my breakfast and blogging; it's good to be my own blogss! I donated plasma this morning, as I do, and then I went to work. Pre-sale tickets for some cat named Wiz Khalifa went on sale today. Whoever the wiz he is he must be popular because I watched people line-up for three hours before the tickets went on sale at noon. Tomorrow I work again for the actual ticket sales. If ever oh ever a wiz there was this guy seems to be the one because...because, because, because, because, because...all of the people who bought the buzz!

I was getting a little light-headed at work (I know, I know...). I didn't eat any breakfast before deplasmification today and then I went to work without eating. I did have two scoops of Jillian Michaels' protein (TWSS) before I left for plasma fun-time but I guess that wasn't enough. My schedule was just all out of wizzy-whacked probably. At least I didn't have the problem the lady next to me had at BioLife; she had "inadequate veins." Doesn't sound like that would do a body good.

Remember I blogged you yesterday that 200 Borders book stores are gonna close? Ours, the one in DeKalb, will be closed by the end of April. If you have a gift card or need to return something you better get that done soon.

Richter was on Celebrity Jeopardy? Damn It!

I am doing quite a bit of research for the forthcoming podcast (Dirty Laundry with your titular host Matt In The Middle) lately. This morning I was listening to the Comedy Death Ray podcast I blogged you about and laughed almost out loud again. This one was with Andy Richter, who I love. In case you don't know he is Conan O'Brien's "announcer." He has always cracked me up. I didn't realize until this morning that his hometown is Yorkville, Illinois. That's the next town over from where I went to high school. So, maybe I can figure out how to get him on the podcast eventually.

Yesterday I blogged for you the probable theme song for the podcast (linked above). I also found this song by the same group, Bitter:Sweet, which showed me it is definitely meant to be. Now Roz has two new songs! 

MATT Perry has a new show, LaBlanc has a new show, McConaughey has a new movie (The Lincoln Lawyer) coming out, Dillon was on Modern Family last night and Damon still hasn't called me....It's the year of the Matt and the year of the Rabbit and I am a Matt-Rabbit! DOUBLE BONUS!!!!

Be on the look out for these suspects...Border's probably has them

     
When I was driving this morning I heard a local radio commercial that I hear regularly. It's for Northern Illinois Plastic Surgery. I am an augmented fan of some types of plastic surgery but the jingle for their commercial would make me think twice about going to these people. "Northern Illinois Plastic Surgery, from your lips, to your hips, it snips!"    That's not hot!

Does anyone know where I can find some Popchips? I'll tell you why later... South Carolina Debbie knows!

I will blog you again tomorrow sometime. I work that ticket sale in the morning so it will probably be late morning/early afternoon. HEY!!!!! Where in the Helser is this 60+ degree weather they promised? Have a great what's left of your Thirsty! TTTT...MITM (still a little dizzy - out)!

Save the Planet Read a Blog!

I wanna party with you cowboy! You and me together? Forget it!

I have to workout today so I thought I would blog. Maybe something fun will come up and the working-out will be put off longer. I have to work at 4:00 so if I blog long enough maybe there won't be time for working out. No, I have to workout! HAVE TO!!!!!!

Hey, guess what? I am the February Employee of the Month at work. There are two every month and my buddy Ed and I are this month's golden ticket winners. I don't know what I get for this distinct honor other than some words in the newsletter (which is nicely done by Tammy V. I must say) and I can park closer to the entrance for the month. I won't use this "perk" because I prefer to walk so anyone who wants my spot for the month go ahead and take it. Since Ed and I are both MIDDLE-agers and probably amongst the oldest on the huge staff (TWSS) they are probably thinking we don't have much time left so they voted with their charity-bones. Those are not the ones connected to the thought-bones. I think he and I should get to party with Barney and Baby Bop when they visit us February 27th for their Birthday Bash. I wish the podcast was gonna be up by then so I could try to wrangle an interview but I think that will be too soon. How old do you suppose Barney is like 65,000,000 years old?

"What's the fun in playin' it safe?"

Speaking of the podcast (man, I am getting good at that) -  one of my bestest buddies and big toes, Brian, suggested the title "He said, She Said" for the podcast. I liked it but after further thought it sparked another idea in my chasm (head)...how about "Dirty Laundry?" It says a lot and incorporates everything. I want to work my name in there too though so I can be called a "titular star." Of course, I initially thought of the song Dirty Laundry by Don Henley but I never really cared for that song too much. Then I went to iTunes and found this song Dirty Laundry by Bitter:Sweet. Now Roz has a new song in her repertoire whether that's the theme or not. I am 98.6% positive it will be the theme song though. The group Bitter:Sweet has been around since about 2006 as best I can tell from Wikipedia but now world-wide fame may be headed their way with the Dirty Laundry Podcast Emporium (okay, I'm still working on it). Thanks for lighting the candle Brian!

Save the planet, read a blog!

I heard that Border's books has filed bankruptcy (Chapter 11) and is closing 200 stores. I suppose the electronic globe with blogs and podcasts (ca-ching) and such have made print dying a slow death? I don't believe print will completely be eliminated in our lifetimes unless you are reading this in the future - though we are sure trying. But, if you are reading this is the future you are reading it as I type it - weird. What is Border's gonna do with all of their books? Don't they know that paper doesn't grow on trees? Electronics, which we used to say were dumbing down our society, are actually helping the planet by saving trees and thus providing the planet with more oxygen. Save the planet, read a blog (and listen to a podcast soon).

Enough wasting time. I need to start working-out so I can get out to work. Thanks for humoring me and hopefully letting me humor you a little. Women's basketball tonight and the Lipizzaner Stallions tomorrow night at my work. Wiz Khalifa tickets go on sale Friday (don't ask me, I'm still trying to find out).  Also, Barney's Birthday Bash is coming up next weekend. I figured as Employee of the Month I have a duty to keep us busy during my reigning month. Have a great warmer day in the MIDDLEwest though expect rain. I will leave you with this other idea from Michael Jackson's ex-wife for a podcast theme song. TTTT...MITM (bloggin' the planet). cue the music Hal

Podcast, Blogcast, Modcast...

Tuesday already? Plasma is done, grocery shopping is done (I seem to do that a lot), family truckster washed, groceries put away now it's time to blog your world baby!

As I mentioned yesterday I am obsessing over a podcast. I appreciate all of your suggestions and I plan to incorporate many of them. I told Sugar Momma last night that I thought I needed a co-host but I was concerned with scheduling and locale with something like that. She turned to me and said, "I'll do it." That solved several problems; she is technically savvy so that part is solved, she's smarter than me so that part is solved, she's better looking than me so that part is solved... Hey, wait a minute, why does she need me now? Seriously, we are total opposites in many ways which will offer different perspectives on issues. The correct views and then hers (just kidding - or am I?). We can discuss the male and female views though I am somewhere in The MIDDLE, of course.  Now, we need a name for the show and an opening theme song or something. The Matt In The Middle and Sugar Momma Show?  That is too long (TWSS) and not very catchy (TWSS). Beauty of the Goof? We could probably use some big time guests to get us some "followers" or "subscribers" or whatever podcasts get. There's a lot to consider. If you have connections with celebrities that would be interested in committing career suicide let me know. I guess I should put a call in to Damon again though he hasn't talked to me in years.

While I was receiving my blood money this morning I was listening to the Comedy Death Ray podcast. OMG I was almost laughing out loud. My face must have been red from laughing. I cannot believe they didn't come over and check on me. If you get a chance and feel inclined check out iTunes and the podcast from 8/16/10 - episode 66.2 with Bob Odenkirk and Brett Gelman. It's a free podcast and you can listen on your computer if you don't want to download it to your mobile devise of choice. Hey. maybe Odenkirk will be on my, I mean "our," podcast.

Chevy Five - O is more like it!

I love the show Hawaii Five-O but I am getting tired of having Chevy cars shoved down my throat (TWSS). They show that Chevy logo on the fronts of the cars more than they show the Hawaiian Islands. I guess it's the only way for advertisers to get their products noticed now with the DVR revolution but....wait, and now I am blogging about Chevy (might as well ca-ching it). Nicely played Chevrolet, nicely played. They are pretty bitchin' cars on that show I must admit. Maybe they'd like to sponsor a Podcast In The Middle. I like the show enough to put up with it but I just want you to know that I'm on to you Five-O! I think they should have Dog The Bounty Hunter help them on a case. He drives: Suburbans, Tahoes, Expeditions, Yukons, Escalade, and Navigator L...curiouser and curiouser!

I received my new Whole Living magazine and Victoria's Secret catalog yesterday. I think I have figured out why I am receiving these. I probably signed up for the magazine on Facebook. My friend Stacee turned me onto the Free Samples and Freebies page on Facebook. I "liked" it and I probably signed up for the Whole Living mag.. I have received a lot of cool free stuff and I think I probably got entered to get the Victoria's Secret catalog at the same time. It does seem quite coincidental that they both arrived on the same day two months in a row. I'm not complaining...just blogging (maybe that could be my catch phrase?). I recommend that page if you like free stuff (duh).

"Due to poor casting next season we are canceled kids!"

 
The Matt In The Middle Facebook page gained three more "likers" since Friday. "Romper, stomper, bomper, boo, tell me, tell me, tell me do..." I see Stacee and Jimbo and Jon. Thanks for "liking" the page kids. A little known bit of Matt In The Middle trivia thanks to you Do-Bees...I was signed up to be on Romper Room back in 1968 or 1970 in Rockford, Illinois. We went out and bought all of the supplies: the stomper bompers... and then before the new season was to start it was canceled in Rockford. At least that's the story my parents gave me. Can you imagine how my life would have changed had I been a Doobie? What a fool believes!

Thanks for stopping by; I always appreciate our visits. If you have any ideas for the podcast let me know here or on the MITM Facebook page or at mattgarita@msn.com. I am thinking about having guest movie reviewers starting with my buddy Greg probably because that will cause some entertaining disagreements; an East Coast-West Coast thang! Maybe he will be our regular movie reviewer? Also, he too worked with Bob Odenkirk in college at WIDB radio, so that may double our chances to 1% of getting him on the podshow. Come out and watch me work a basketball game tonight if you're looking for something to do. TTTT...MITM (soon to be on ipods everywhere) cue us outta her Hal 

I'm Too Sexy for this Blog!

Happy Valentine's Day! cue the music

Prematurely hatched and scrambled if you ask me!

Last night The Grammy Awards were/was on. I am so happy that Justin Bieber didn't win Best New Artist. I don't know why, I just am. Lady Antebellum won a bunch of awards and Miranda Lambert won Best Female Artist. Lady Antebellum was at DeKalb's Cornfest two years ago and Miranda Lambert worked along side me in the MIDDLE a couple of months ago. I am not much of a country music fan but I can shape their careers. Let this be a warning to all of you recording artists...you wanna win next year you make a good presence in the MIDDLEwest. And, in case you didn't know...Lady Gaga is weird...talented but weird.

I Brain You Very Much!

Why is the heart associated with love? There are other parts of our anatomy that I think should be given credit for love. The brain is the first one that comes to mind (no pun intended). When did the heart start getting the credit for feelings? I think the epidermis should get more credit for love than the heart. "The heart wants what the heart wants" is an old saying. The heart wants what the brain wants the heart to want and the brain wants the heart to pump blood through the veins and keep its big trap shut when it come to affairs of the brain (which got to be known as affairs of the heart). I guess if the heart doesn't get its way it pulls the chest pain or heart attack card. Speaking of cards how come Hearts is one of the suits? This is out of hand. I suppose candy brains wouldn't be as appealing as candy hearts though the candy hearts don't even look like real hearts. The heart must have a really good press agent and P.R. firm working for her. I bet Bill Shakespeare had something to do with this! Though it is supposedly linked to a South African plant called the silphium. The silphium was thought to possess a form of birth control. The plant's seed pods resembled hearts so the connection with the heart and reproduction (love) may have started there? The plant is now extinct but the legend "loves" on!

The heart gets what the brain wants it to get!

Three years ago today I came home from work and noticed there were dozens of helicopters circling above my MIDDLE cornfield town. It was one of the days that made DeKalb seem like the Old MIDDLEwest to me; though there have been others. Five Northern Illinois University students were shot to death and several more were wounded that day. A former student opened fire in a lecture hall and then turned his gun on himself. It was a very surreal day that I will never forget that day in this little MIDDLEwestern town. Forward, Together, Forward!

Did you hear that they think energy drinks are bad for us? Another "Duh" moment in America. It seems appropriate that I heard about this today. So, a caffeine and sugar-filled molotav cocktail shooter is bad for you (your heart)? I don't believe it. I think this is one of the weapons that the brain uses against the heart. "Hey mouth, throat and stomach...help me gang up on the heart so we can have order back in our body!"

Paperback Grotto! is our adult store here

As long as I am on the topic of "love" I heard that like 100 people recently got sick after attending a party at The Playboy Mansion. They were internet executives from around the world attending a fundraiser at Hef's pad. Some of the guests were diagnosed as having Legionnaires Disease which is supposedly caused by bacteria in air conditioning systems. The L.A. Health Department is also checking out a local hotel where most of them were staying. I am no genius (no agreement is needed from you thank you very much) but I would start by checking the water in The Grotto. I think it's funny that internet executives got a "virus." They should have had virus protection.

Alright, I have blogged on without blogging half of what I intended to blog again. Have a nice Valentine's night. If you don't have a Valentine I will gladly volunteer; I am a whore of the heart (good podcast title?). I am finally getting some legitimate ideas for a blogcast; I will tell you tomorrow. I had lunch with my Valentine of 29 years today (Sugar Momma, of course) and now I have to do a review of The Cocoa Bean too when I do the Johnny's Char-house Yelp review. TTTT...MITM (too sexy for this blog). cue the music

Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

cue the music

Absolute Peppar and blue cheese olives, YUM!

Happy Valentine's Eve! Last night, after a tough day of basketball for Fabio, Sugar Momma and I went out for dinner. Fabio didn't want to go with us so he stayed home and kept the world safe of zombies and commies on Black Ops! We went to Johnny's Char-House in Dekamore! I will have to review it on Yelp over there in the right margin. I kinda forgot about Yelp but I just added the Hollywood Palms Cinema review I did at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS a few moments ago. When we got to Johnny's and the place was packed...I can't even remember from my morning blog where I mentioned how restaurants are gonna be really busy for Valentine's Day. I guess people are getting it out of the way two days early. These are probably the same people that open their Christmas presents two days before Christmas. Oh darn, a half-hour wait...hmmm...decisions, decisions...."we'll wait at the bar." Sugar Momma had her usual, Bombay Sapphire (ching) and Tonic and I had one of my eleven usuals an Absolut Peppar (ching) Bloody Mary with blue cheese olives (stirred, no shaken). It's like a salad in a glass. We actually like sitting at bars...we went to Southern Illinois University, you know (thank goodness it is a religious school now that Splenda goes there). Wow, the drinks were fantastic and the glasses seemed to have leaks in them so we kept making them fill them up. Our dinner table seemed to be ready in no time. I will get around to reviewing the restaurant part in the next day or two and I will let you know when it's on Yelp. We had a great dinner. She had shrimp and lobster and I had the manliest sounding dish I could find -  Shrimp Onassis. I was wearing my Jackie O-face glasses so I felt it appropriate.

I honestly think he was innocent!

     After dinner we went to Fatty's Pub and Grill back on solid DeKalb turf but we didn't go for the grill part. Sugar Momma had a few more of her usuals and I switched to Diet Coke (ca-ching and a smile). Sugar Momma made a new girl friend at the bar who was an off-duty bartender there. We couldn't find anyone we knew so we went home after a couple. So endeth the story for this blog's purposes ;) Her new Harlequin friend didn't come back with us so knock it off but thanks for giving me the street cred!

While not sleeping in the MIDDLE of the night last night I turned on the boob tube (TWSS) and found what I am getting Sugar Momma for Valentine's Day! Don't tell her...it's a surprise.

Today we have to head back up to Lake Barrington for more basketball. Just Fabio and I because Sugar Momma has a huge project she is trying to get done for work. She'll probably go to lunch at Fatty's - not really but a perv can dream. I think Fabio and I may go early and stop by the Nike outlet store in Aurora (swoosh-ching). If you were up at the tournament looking for us yesterday there's little chance that you would have found us. Those people have a lot of money up there and their field house is bigger than our whole town and we have a university here. It has a food court and indoor baseball and soccer and football fields and a huge weight room and about 8 or 10 basketball courts. I didn't even go downstairs so I can only imagine what they have down there. It was busy and loud. I can't wait to get back there today, not!

Enjoy your Sunday; hopefully you can take it easy today. I have plenty more to podcast, I mean blog, and I will hit you again in the morning before my Valentine's lunch. TTTVD....MITM (north bound and down - Aykroyd or Reynolds?)  cue the music

Sorrow is the Key that Lets Our Tears Out of Eye Jail!

Happy Saturday! There's a heatwave in the MIDDLEwest. It's supposed to be all the way to like 34 degrees this weekend. I may go buy a convertible today.

Yesterday I went over to check that buried SUV like I promised. The windows were tinted almost black so I couldn't see in. The windshield is totally buried under snow as are the front doors. The back door was buried enough that I couldn't get it open. There were tracks heading from the vehicle that were very deep in the snow so I surmised that they were made before the three+ feet of snow froze. I also thought that a snow plow dude wouldn't bury a vehicle in that had someone inside. I assumed there was nobody in there or they had frozen to death already and there was nothing I could do to help so I took some more photos and left. But now my fingerprints are on the handle of the back driver's side door.

Even I could be a ventriloquist on the radio

I have still been thinking about that podcast thing. When I have harebrained ideas I usually bounce them off of Sugar Momma because she's rubber and I'm goo... I used to be glue but that's too much effort anymore. She always tells me when I am being stupid or have a dumb idea, which is every three out of four, but this time she seemed receptive. I feel like Lucy Ricardo.  Now what do a podcast about? You will know when I do. Ethyl, I mean sugar Momma,  thought the puppet show and ventriloquist podcasts were good ideas. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy got their start on the radio - can you imagine? Maybe I could to a "MIDDLE's Got Talent" show....come on kids, we're puttin' on a show! I am pretty sure I have the face for an audio podcast.

A quick shout-out to the Egyptians. Good On Ya Mates! This is very exciting for one of the oldest countries on the planet. You have to admire people who fight for what they believe in against all odds. It's like the beginning of the U.S.A. about 235 years ago. History in the making every day right here on planet Earth!

I tried to tell those guys their dames would be upset!

I am trying to make out my notes from plasma-day the other day. I was pumping from my right arm vein so I was writing with my left hand. The bad thing is that I am left-handed...not really. I am getting pretty good at it but some words are hard to make out. Here's something I wrote but I don't know what it was in reference to but it sounds nice unless I am reading it wrong. "Sorrow is the key that lets our tears out of eye jail." Hmmmm very profound phantom left hand!

Oh yeah, the V.D. dilemma!!!! (bump bump baaaaaaaaa) Never mind the "dilemma"... I figured it out. Oh yeah, the V.D. stands for Valentine's Day. But let this serve as a reminder that Monday is St. Valentine's Day. St. Valentine's Day means a couple of things to us in the MIDDLEwest but remember to get your sweety something or take him/her to dinner or (TWSS)... so you don't wind up with the 1930's version of St. Valentine's Day. Restaurants are saying to make your reservations early because they are gonna be really busy... Busy on a Monday night? Yeah, maybe because all of us suckers listen to you tell us that you're gonna be busy so we call you like a bunch of horny lemmings. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Advertising propaganda fulfilling prophecy!

Have a great Saturday and if you're near the Lake Barrington Field House (sounds romantic), which is supposedly near the Onion Pub Restaurant (ca-ching), today or tomorrow stop on in to see some basketball and keep me company. Their first game is at 1:00PM. They play somebody called the Viking Force first. Who sounds more intimidating? Viking Force or the J-Barbs? Boy, won't the Vikings be embarrassed when they lose to the Barbs! That reminds me - did you hear that Ken wants Barbie Millicent Roberts back? Did you know that Barbie has a last name and that she is from the MIDDLEwest (Wisconsin)? More of the useless trivia that is in me noggin' but will not get me on Jeopardy. Barbie and Ken - a true V.D. story in the making. Maybe a trivia podcast...hmmmm "I am grateful for this magnificent washout! but..." cue the music TTTT...MITM (headed north)

I'm Gonna Be A Good Deed Doer Today

I'm sure 4-wheel drive will get you right outta there.

cue the music
Sorry if I smell kinda rank but I just got done working out and I haven't showered yet. I have to go to the store and thought I would blog before I showered so that you can read this while I am gone; gone but not forgotten. While I was out yesterday donating plasmatt I saw a casualty of last week's snowpocalyse so I took a photo. It is in a parking lot at our local Best Buy store. Do you suppose they forgot where they parked? I never even thought about it until right now but maybe I should have checked to see if there was anyone in the vehicle. Maybe when I am out I will swing by and check. I will seriously feel like an idiot if there is someone in there. Like everyone who has seen this buried car, I am sure none of them have thought to check. I will let you know what (hopefully nothing) I find.

I have been obsessing over the idea of doing a podcast. I obsess - it's one of my most endearing qualities. I have several podcast ideas; tell me what you think. How about a podcast ventriloquist show? Immediate co-host problem solved and I can blame all of the smart aleck stuff on the dummy (if that is the politically correct term). How about if I were a pod-casting mime? This next idea I got from my PortuGal Pal Jennifer...how about a podcast puppet show? Or a magic show? Okay, maybe the podcast ideas need a little work. I could still interview Dan Akyroyd and/or Burt Reynolds. Maybe I could have the dummy interview them. Very funny...I meant the other dummy. Dan or Burt...cast your vote at MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS now. Right now Dan is leading 2 - 0.

The Mattgarita Island special yesterday was Tilapia Ceviche

Yesterday I "cooked" a dish I have never made before. I made Tilapia Ceviche. If you are unfamiliar with ceviche it is a seafood dish from Central and South American coastal countries consisting of fresh seafood, spices and local vegetables. If you are familiar that's still what it is. I have been reading dozens of recipes and made my own amalgam from all of those recipes and several of my own adjustments/additions/subtractions. It took about ten hours for me to make it though the actual preparation was less than an hour. The fish "cooks" with citrus. I used both fresh lemon and lime juices to "cook" the fish. The reason I keep putting quotation marks on "cooks" is because the citrus does the cooking; there is no heat involved. Some recipes said to soak the seafood the the juice for a couple of hours or 15 minutes and some said up to ten hours. I didn't want anyone to get sick so I went with the long way. Sugar Momma and Fabio both loved it but I still felt it could be better. I will do it many more times before I am through tweeking it as I go (TWSS). It will be a great summer food on Mattgarita Island. I put the cilantro in at the end Trisha...I could put some aside for you before the cilantro. Hey, how about a cooking podcast? The Galloping Gourmet....who was that Graham Kerr? A Jeopardy contestant would know for sure!

Tell me I'm not adorable (and useful)

Three more people "liked" the Matt In The Middle Facebook page yesterday. Three in one day gets me through the weekend without having to shill for my "one-a-day" friends. Coincidentally, the three that liked me yesterday I have known longer than I have known my wife. We traveled around the country on buses as kids and made beautiful music together. I am not saying we were back-up singers for The Osmonds or The Jackson Five but I am not saying that we weren't. You're awesome Brian, John and Kim and I love you all!

I guess it's time to take a shower and head to the store and see if someone is in need of my help in that SUV. Too bad it wasn't a Chevy Avalanche (cha-ching). Or maybe a Toyota Tundra (double-ching). Maybe I will take a cask of brandy. Maybe they would rather have Bailey's and hot chocolate (or "cocoa" as Sugar Momma prefers)...that's what I would want. I will blog you again tomorrow before heading to Barrington for Fabio's basketball tournament. I think Sugar Momma and the dog (bigger and more fierce than a St. Bernard) will be home so don't even try it burglars casing the joint through the blog...I'm onto you. TTTT...MITM (to the rescue)! Geez - I forgot the V.D. dilemma (will have to wait until tomorrow I suppose - sorry).

cue the music, if you please Hal!

It's Thirsty...Unless You're Irish!

Howdy Howdy Howdy!

I was told there wouldn't be spelling!

The Jeopardy test was last night. As you know I won't know anything until they let me know that they want me to take the next step; I am pretty sure that's not gonna happen. They seemed to know that I have problems hitting the knuckler; who doesn't? They also had a curve ball that fell off the table and exploded like a ball of ice cream on a 100-degree day when it crossed the plate. I am fairly certain that I will not make it through to the next round based on last night's performance. Maybe next time I'll get some questions that are more in my wheel-house? Next time I will conjure up the ghost of Art Fleming to help me. See, I know junk like that right off the blog of my head...why didn't they ask me about Art Fleming? Entertainment is easily my strong-suit.

It would certainly make this blog more palatable

I heard that Old Navy has stopped selling some shirts because people were complaining that they were derogatory toward a certain ethnic group. Before I tell you which ethnic group they "offended" let me tell you that a large portion of my Matt/Mutt make-up is this ethnic group and I am not the least bit offended. I am so tired of people being offended by everything and this is one I can finally weigh-in on with genetic and psychological evidence that it does not bother ALL of the people that it supposedly "targets." The shirts Old Navy is taking off the shelves say "Irish I was Drunk" and "Party Like You're Irish!" The second one has a drawing of Snoopy (Who is Charlie Brown's Beagle, Alex?) drinking a beer. My mom's maiden name is McGuire and her grandmother's maiden name was O'Reilly - I got a wee bit of Irish in me (TWSS)! Sometimes Irish I was drunk and sometimes I am. Everybody should party like they're Irish sometimes. I am more offended as a dog-owner that there is a picture of a dog drinking a beer. I am kind of offended that the shirts are stupid but don't care that they poke fun of my Irish heritage as long as they leave potatoes and cabbage and car-bombs out of it. Then we'll have a donnybrook on our hands. Soon you will probably see these shirts at T.J. Maxx and Steve & Barry's (are they still in business?)! I bet the Irish navy is an old navy!

Not quite yet! I need a co-host and celebrities!

     Geez, I have so much more to blog and I am runnin' Irish at the blog again (I can say that because I'm Irish). I just love bloggin'!

I downloaded two new podcasts to Roz last night for my plasma listening pleasure today. I downloaded Comedy Death-Ray Radio and I Should Be Writing. I listened to a bit of each this morning and I like them both a great deal. Also, I only drank 40 ounces of water this morning and drained a bit before I left Mattgarita Island and a bit when I go there and it was a much more enjoyable experience this time...my Irish-eyes were smiling instead of floating. These podcasts make me want to do a podcast but I really have nothing worth podcasting. Maybe I should podcast about not having anything to podcast. Maybe I should ask Dan Aykroyd and Burt Reynolds (go to MIDDLE MOVIE REVIEWS to vote now) to be guests.

I need to gain one more Matt In The Middle Facebook fan today to keep the "One-A-Day Plus Iron"streak going. You could be the one to join such luminaries today as: Engineer Dave, Oregon Maria, South Carolina Debbie, The Martin brothers Gary and Greg ("no, we are not relation sir"), Ice Cream Greg (my movie-critic evil twin) and, of course, MADYM and Nature Girl. Hey, where's Sugar Momma in that list? She does treasure her anonymity!

I already have my exit music ready for the podcast that doesn't exist. Now I need a catch-phrase...hmmm. TTTT (when I blog about my V.D. dilemma)...MITM  cue the closing theme music