I'm a Total Bloggin' Rockstar from Mars!

Good Mornoon (that's a word I just now made up for that time when you start writing your blog at 11:43AM and it will be after noon before you are done writing and post it - I am sure it will catch on). I took care of some bills this morning and worked out and showered and now I am here with you before I eat lunch and go work at a basketball game this afternoon.

Cheeto's cotton swabs...BRILLIANT!

Don't you hate when you get out of the shower and you find out that there are no Q-Tips left? I felt like I was back in my Fat-Matt days scrounging through the cupboards looking for a straggling Cheeto that was left for dead. Now that I think of it I would have been happy to have a Cheeto for a Q-Tip (that marketing idea is a freebie Unilever and Frito-Lay - just remember me at spokesperson time). They would be totally biodegradable (edible and eatable) except for the little cotton part that you would snap off after usage.  I finally found a Q-Tip in Sugar Momma's little travel make-up bag with mascara (isn't that the black stuff? unless you're a drag queen or goth I suppose it could be lipstick) on one side but it appeared to be clean on the other side so I used it. I guess trip number three to the store this week will require Q-Tips me swabbies!

I am tired of pretending like I am not a total bitchin' rock star

I am tired of pretending that I am not special. I am tired of pretending like I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars. I AM on a drug. I am on a drug called Matt In The Middle. I would like to thank Charlie Sheen for the inspiration for those last two sentences. His two children were taken from him by the courts - probably by the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services) because they are here from Mars without proper documentation. I wonder if he'd be on the podcast; he seems to be very willing to voice his opinions (Dirty Laundry) to anybody who will listen. Wait until he finds out that I have like 60 people who read this blog every day. How can he turn down an audience of that MATTnitude? He needs help...my daily Jimmy Kimmel butt-kiss should show you that Charlie is trying to get the help he needs.

There was a report a couple of days ago that Facebook makes people depressed. There was a report today that Facebook makes people happy. REALLY? Let me guess...when someone posts that their goldfish died we are sad and when someone tells us that their child won a Nobel Peace Prize we're happy. When somebody's crops are dying because none of us selfish jerks will stop by their farm and fertilize them we are happy (I mean sad) and when someone posts that their Happy Island just had a tsunami we laugh uncontrollably with sadness. DUH...Facebook makes us happy and sad...just like everything. Thanks for wasting all of that money that could have fed the hungry to fund those ridiculous studies (that should make me sad right? maybe there should be a study so I know how to feel about meaningless studies).

If it looks like a duck?

My advise for the day - if you have rhinoplasty (I love that word) make sure they stay away from your lips. I have noticed that everyone who has lip-work done looks like a duck.

My blog seems to have turned in to a tabloid rag. What's up with that? I guess they call it entertainment for a reason. It certainly is entertaining. Can you imagine Celebrity Rehab if they could get Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan on there? I would definitely watch that. That would be better than Gary Busey.

Okay, I am going to eat lunch now and start another load of laundry. I was going to make the banana bread today but the bananas are not quite there - I am thinking tomorrow they will be fully "ripe." Have a nice rest of your Humpty Dumpty Day. I will let you know again tomorrow what's going on in Charlie Sheen World because we all know there will be something. TTTT...MITM (out)