That's Me In The Corner!

All of the items left at the party have been claimed. I was about ready to claim the sunglasses as my own and then one of Splenda's friends asked her if we found some sunglasses. I thought of Opie Taylor when he found $50 and Pa told him he could spend it and right after he started spending it someone came to the Sheriff's office saying he'd lost $50. Drat and double drat! My friend Beefy really wanted the Sleeping Beauty umbrella too.

Yesterday I went to a funeral for someone I worked with at my part-time job. I hadn't been in this particular church in awhile but we used to attend this church regularly. I am of the opinion, as most are I think, that it's not wise to discuss religion or politics too often. I know I am right on all of my views regarding these two subjects and you know you are correct on these subjects even though our views could be polar opposites. I do waver from this idea of not talking about these subjects at times but I am very selective when doing so. I enjoy hearing other ideas on both of these matters as I am very open-minded but I find that there are a lot of people who are not open-minded when it comes to these two subjects. I arrived at the church and sat in my own pew for quite awhile; that joke never gets old except it's always old. Some people finally came and shared my pew as Jane must have been very popular because for an 11:00 AM service on a Wednesday it looked like a Sunday morning church service.

I was reminded of a time when Splenda was young and Sugar Momma was 11 months pregnant on Christmas Eve and the little four-year-old Splenda and I felt we should go to church and wish Baby Jesus a happy birthday by going to church. We didn't know what time a service was but we headed over to this same church that I was at yesterday. We got there and went in and it was one of the strangest experiences of my life (well, maybe it was, I have had a lot of "different" experiences so maybe not). When we walked in the first thing I noticed was that I was easily the tallest person in the church (remember I am MIDDLE height by today's standards). The church was decorated differently too...hmmmm. We went to a pew and the service began. To this day I do not know one word that was spoken during that service. I am not sure if the service was held in Vietnamese, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Laotian, or Martian. I am pretty sure it wasn't Martian but I have never seen a Martian that I know of so maybe they resemble Asian people. We stayed for the service because I am sure Baby Jesus speaks all languages and loves all people and he would just be happy we thought of him on his birthday. "It's the thought that counts," right?

The service yesterday was very solemn and sad. Most church services I have been to in my life, even when they aren't funeral services, have all been subdued and on the sad side. I have been to a Jehovah Witness wedding (subdued), Catholic services (usually sad and subdued), various Protestant services (subdued) but there was one time that I was asked to speak after a church service on the East side of Aurora Illinois for an employee of mine at the time who was being honored at the service for his works as choir director. I went alone and, similarly as how I was the tallest person at the Asian Christmas service, I was Crayola-ly (ca-ching) different than the other parishioners at this service too. I was melanin-challenged. I looked like Elwood and Jake Blues when they walked into the back of The Reverend Cleophus James' (James Brown) church in The Blues Brothers. I sat through the service and felt very welcome when I got up and spoke. To this day, that is the best time I have ever had in a church (legally) other than my wedding (obligatory comment to stay out of the doghouse). I felt more welcome at this church service than I ever felt at any other church. Other than when I first arrived and having them see that I was "different" and wondering who I was and what I was doing there I have never felt that comfortable in a church even if I had been going to the same church for years. They were excited and happy and positive and that's how I think religion should be; a celebration. The church scene in The Blues Brothers was not much of an exaggeration at all.

I want to be surprised when I get to the great beyond and have fun until my burned up remains are offered to the surf gods ("is there a movie on this flight?"). One thing is for sure...we are all going to be surprised when the afterlife arrives. For not wanting to talk about religion I sure talked about religion a lot. Bottom line for me is that America was founded, in part, with the promise of freedom of religion and I hold that as sacred.

Want to get good service at a restaurant? I think I have found the secret. I usually have my notepad and a pen sitting out and write things as ideas and thoughts come to me so I can blog and because I am old and cannot remember joe (maybe it's jack I can't remember, I can't remember). Sometimes I think they think I am a restaurant critic or a spy from corporate or something. It's actually quite funny and a lot of times they bug me too much. I kinda like to be left alone when I am dining and I will flag you down if I need you but it is so entertaining to watch them try to figure out who I am and smooch my "desert sand" or "banana mania" or ""maize" buns. Wikipedia has a color chart for crayola crayons (mini-ching) and I think these are the three colors that most-closely match the color of me bum, me bum, me lovely matty buns, check it out! I like the sound of "banana mania buns" but don't like the visual.

Go forth and spread the word of Matt in the MIDDLE. Live long and prosper. Increase our following so we have a better chance to be received into the blog after-life. Drink the Kool-aid gosh darn it!

Have a splendiferous day! Blog you later cyclone rangers!

** religion/politics graphic reincarnated from groundnotes.wordpress.com, crayon photo raw sienna'd from graphicsdb.com & blue brother's photo is on a mission from film.virtual-history.com **