Pretend Like There's No World Outside

I have a lot of decision to make over the next few months

I am in a horse poop mood today. Maybe it is the rainy weather though I have always loved rain and thunderstorms. Last night Cha Cha and I went out with our great friend Greg and we had a super time. We went for dinner (I was 100% good on the Whole 30 which is very difficult for me at a Mexican restaurant) and we sat outside on their patio and, though it misted for a bit for a short while, the weather was perfect. We even just sat there while it rained. I try not to complain about what is going-on with me but I cannot help but feel blue most of the time. Cha Cha had told the doctor several weeks ago that I was depressed and I thought she was crazy (pun intended) so I was put on an anti-depressant along with everything else. I started with some free samples and they seemed to help I guess. But, I ran out and the doctor contacted Walgreen's with a prescription. Walgreen's sent me an email that a thirty-day supply would be over $300 because of some rigmarole with the insurance and I told them forget it. So, I called the doctor back and he straightened it out and now, with my insurance, it's "only" $60 for 30 pills. I have some kind of a savings card for this particular medicine so I am going to go back over there and see if I can get another retro $30 off. Even if not I have it for next month. Maybe I am depressed from being off of the medicine for a week or so as forced that to the top again. When we are on our European tour don't be surprised if Cha Cha comes back alone. I am considering becoming an expatriate. Come to think of it, since I was born in Germany, maybe I am an expatriate now and this will just be the native son returning home. Imagine the parades and new holidays! Maybe Jill would just stay with me. We'll keep paying the mortgage and all so the kids have a house... They can even rent out some rooms and make some cash.

I know people are always being nice when they tell me to quit fretting over things all the time. I know they are just being nice and trying to make me feel better but I wish they would not do that. No MATTer what people say I am going to feel bad about forgetting some things (not everything I forget bothers me but forgetting certain things really does bother me a great deal and it always will). I am going to try to keep it unapparent that I am bothered from now on though. I noticed my memory going the last couple of months while I was still working; well before I fainted the first time and could not go back to work. I had early signs that something was wrong but you don't really know that signs are signs until after the event(s) the signs were trying to tell you about occur do you?

I just told Jill this morning that I had fainted again in the backyard yesterday. I was doing pretty well, I though, for the past couple of weeks so I was surprised. I didn't want to tell her last night and spoil the evening. Hopefully, the three-day EEG starting Monday will bare fruit. The the nuttier than a fruitcake kind of fruit though. I think everything is just getting to me all of a sudden. Oh my goodness, it is May 30th. I seriously had no idea it was the end of the month until right now. Maybe this is why I am in this funk; it is my time of the month (if you've read the blog for awhile you know that I am always moody during my cycle which is the end of each month). I hope that is all this is.

"Makin' banana pancakes... ain't no need to go outside" 

This morning I made banana pancakes for breakfast. It is withing the Whole 30 way of cooking / eating and they were amazing. There are only two ingredients: bananas and eggs. I made four variations since this was the first time I made them. I made: regular banana pancakes, coconut-banana, macadamia-banana and banana-coconut-macadamia. Of course, the variations required extra ingredients - coconut and macadamia nuts. They were all awesome. No syrup... needed. I am tempted to make them into muffins later to see how that goes. If you want specifics on the recipe let me know but that is about the whole deal. The next time I make them I am going to play THIS SONG. The whole song fits even with the "raining outside" part. I have always loved that song and cannot believe I didn't think about playing it while I was cooking these. King of ironic that I cannot believe I didn't think of something huh? Cooking always needs a soundtrack. I may make them again for lunch or dinner to right this wrong.

I am gonna stop because I am just getting crabbier and crabbier. Maybe I will take a nap. Maybe I am already thinking about making and cleaning-up for lunch and then turning around making and cleaning-up for dinner. Oh yeah, and the shopping for both. Thanks for letting me bitch and whine: I appreciate the therapy. It will be better when my cycle ends. I think I will blog tomorrow because Monday I go into the hospital and don;t know what time I will be able to blog. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!