Matt in the Middle: I'm Not as Blog as You Think I am!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I'm Not as Blog as You Think I am!

Sometimes the most tempting are the worst. THANKS EVE!!!!

By the time you read this it will be tomorrow (today for you though). I am typing this Friday night at 10:43 PM because when I laid down to try to sleep the bed was spinning. I think maybe six margaritas was too many. One of the good things and also one of the bad things about me is that I make friends with bartenders and they think they are doing me a favor by putting double shots of tequila in my margaritas...I think maybe that they are not. I am very tired because I worked-out today and I drank too much but I cannot sleep because the Earth is spinning. Did you realize that the Earth spins all the time? Maybe the Rapture happened and I am dead....I am not really sure, nor do I care, at this point. Peach margaritas sound so innocent but they are sneaky little sons-a-beothches! I may try to go to sleep again because this is not benefiting anyone....it's 10:48PM and I am going to go see if the bed stopped spinning and maybe I will continue this in the morning. I wish I wasn't so charismatic and charming (and handsome, of course)...I cannot believe I could spell charismatic in my state... I'll be back in the morning (maybe - if the Rapture holds out for one more hour and nine minutes). I can even do math in this state-of-mind.

I am off to listen to Pandora on my iPod and try to sleep! Stop the world I wanna get off!!!

It's 11:04PM and I still haven't gone anywhere. I am waiting for things to slow down...damn things and their not slowing down!
It's now 6:51AM and I came in here to write today's blog and see that it's already partially written. I do not remember writing it so I am thinking it's like one of those "shoemaker and the elves" deals. The elves forgot to mention when they were blogging for me last night that Cha Cha ended up coming home early and she was with me at dinner. Who do I sue because The Rapture didn't happen last night and I had to suffer all night and now I am out my celebration money?

We like to sit at the bar sometimes and that's what we did last night. On one of the televisions at the bar (the one above where we were sitting) they had on the NBA Network. They were showing old basketball games from back when we were in college. Games with Charles Barkley (Suns) and David Robinson (Spurs)... It was cool for a second but who wants to watch old games? I am pretty sure I know because the commercials were ads like social security and electric wheel chairs... No kidding all of the commercials were for older peeps. What else could they have on there right now with the only NBA news being there's no NBA? 24 hours of watching basketball not being played? The should have just called it The Basketball Channel because then they could have showed college basketball or high school basketball or The Harlem Globetrotters or park district basketball or donkey basketball. Whatever happened to donkey basketball? For those of you who are too young to remember donkey basketball they would bring actual donkeys into a gymnasium and people would get on the donkeys and ride them while they played basketball. It was usually something like teachers or staff members of a company against someone like the local police department or town council or some such nonsense. Donkeys are just too nice...they should have gone all Planet of the Apes; maybe they threatened to do that which is why we don't have the JABA (Jack Ass Basketball Association) today.

Who are the real jackasses here?

I believe I am going to go take some sinus medicine and lie back down for awhile since the Earth hasn't woken up yet so it's not spinning so quickly. I have to work later today...I hope they have donkeys there. Have a great day/weekend. I will probably not blog tomorrow but we will record a new podcast tomorrow. Make sure you send in any questions or comments today you might have so we can mention them on our world-wide ~~sensation~~ irritation of a podcast. Go to www.DirtyLaundryPodcast.com to perform that magic. Thank you for stopping by. I apologize if this is even less entertaining than usual. but I wrote it on a donkey. TTTT....MITM (still a little out)

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I'm Not as Blog as You Think I am!

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