Doomsday 2011 Part Deux: the Physical End!!!

"Why Guillen on ESPN?" Gaddafi's last words

Another happy Friday that is supposed to be the end of existence for most of us according to that whack-job that predicted the end in May. Then when we lived he said that was the "spiritual" end and the "physical" end would be October 21st. What is going to be his excuse tomorrow? Harold "the crackpot" Camping, the Family Radio minister has told his morons followers that they should not speak to the press. Really, he still has followers? That will only have to last a while because we will all be dead tomorrow. I cannot wait to hear what he will say when we are all asking him tomorrow for his next prediction (but he's conveniently not speaking to the press so how will we ever know what went wrong?). After his lunacy in May he had a mild stroke and now he'll have to top that one tomorrow. Any moron, even me, knows that doomsday isn't coming until next year (2012). Maybe we was referring to Gaddafi's physical end (why is his name spelled so many different ways)?

I am off work today. My new job is weird in that I have a rotating schedule. I guess it's not unusual in the law enforcement community but it's new to me. It's kinda cool in a way but I have to actually be able to count to figure out what days I am off. I knew I was going to eventually miss that big toe.

Last night I was watching The World Series and my Cardinals were winning 1-0 in the top of the 9th inning. The way they have been playing I pretty much figured it was a lock but the Rangers scored two in the top of the 9th and the Cardinals could not answer in the bottom of the 9th. That was disappointing. Even more disappointing is listening to Ozzie Guillen try to explain things to me on ESPN on the pre-game show. I loved him as a player but why would you have a guy who is barely comprehensible in the English language talking sports on an English-speaking show? There are plenty of Spanish-speaking ESPN shows that he could be on. Are they just goofing on him? I can understand most foreign language-speaking people when they speak English but Ozzie speaks so fast and breaks up so many words that he is almost speaking Martian. He sure was fun to watch as the White Sox manager because you never knew what he was going to say (if you could figure it out) or what he might do. The people in Miami (Marlins) are gonna have a great time with him. I give him credit; I cannot speak Spanish near as well as he can speak English but I am not on Telemundo trying. Is it a coincidence that he speak Martian and he's going to manage the Marlins?

Great to tow around to cook your most dangerous driving foods

I was doing some more of my fancy reading, just like you are doing now (we are such show-offs), and I read a report about the top ten most dangerous foods to eat while you're driving. Dangerous in this case meaning they offer the greatest risk of causing auto accidents. Smart Drive Systems, a leader in fleet safety training and research, has put together the following list: popcorn, pizza, Philly cheese steaks, drinks without straws, french fries, sub sandwiches, hot dogs, cereal, ice cream cones and juicy fruits. Seriously? I think I have eaten all of these foods while driving ALL AT THE SAME TIME sometimes when I was fatter Matter. This inspired me to compile the Matt In The Middle list of foods that are "MORE DANGEROUS to eat while driving and may lead to Driving Rapture":

10.Chips, salsa and guacamole
9. Tacos, burritos or chimichangas (less more hazardous with margaritas)
8. Baked potato with sour cream, butter and chives
7. Saganaki (any flaming food item but we only tested Saganaki)
6. Shish Kabobs
5. Corn-on-the-cob with melted butter
4. Spaghetti and meatballs with freshly-grated Parmesan 
3. Gyros (with or without the sauce though sauce adds more hazard and flavor)
2. Cheese Fondue
1. (tie) Bobbed-for Apples and Blow-fish (should be on every dangerous food list)

These items have all been tested by our highly-trained eating-skilled test food dummies (me) and should not be tried by non-trained professionals unless really, really, really hungry

I don't know why I wasted my time compiling and sharing that list since today is our last day alive. I guess it's nice that my last day alive coincides with my day-off but should I work-out today with then end so near? I really have to figure out what this means to my "to do" list. I guess the laundry can wait too huh? Hopefully I will be back to blog tomorrow and hopefully you will be back to read it unless the Rapture comes or you eat one of those foods on the list while driving. What the heck...hire a limo today so you can eat while you're driven around since we won't need our money tomorrow anyway. Thanks for spending your last day with me...I couldn't/wouldn't have spent it with someone more important than you. TTTT?...MITM (out to live for today - what else is there?) TA!