The Curse of the Mattbino!

Maybe becoming "living dead" isn't so bad

Happy Halloween. I still need to sleep a little more but I am breaking my sleep in two for several reasons. It's kind like a Kit Kat that you get while trick-or-treating. It's hard for me to think that sleeping like Count Chocula, while the sun is up, is really sleep and not just a nap. As soon as I get this down well I know I will be ready to graduate from Chocula to Blacula (not the guy from Quantum Leap - the vampire)! If vampires are so scary are terrible why are there so many that we love like: Count Chocula and The Count and The Rolling Stones. and Selma Hayek in Dusk to Dawn..?

I am working on editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast and hope to have it up pretty soon. It's is partially a Halloween episode. Maye I will have it up by trick-or-treat time and I can play it from the speakers from one of the windows and scare all of the kids. If it's not ready i could just play any one of the episodes.

Friday night Cha Cha went over to see MADYM so I went out on a date. The person I went out with was pretty boring but  I  we went to see The Rum Diary. Fabio and some of his friends went to see Paranormal Activity 3 and I drove them to the theater in the hearse. Since I was alone on a Friday night and was at the theater I decided to watch a movie and then I could just take them home after the show. The Rum Diary was very good. I don't know if it's for everyone but I could relate to most of the story. I have written for several newspapers (though not in Puerto Rico), I think I may have the same car (even the same color) they drive in the movie, I have an affinity for Rum, I write a diary (this blog), I love tropical locales, I get mistaken for Johnny Depp all the time.... I doubt the movie is for everyone but I found it very good. I even laughed out loud a couple of times; isn't laughing out loud while alone a sign of insanity?

Ours has doors and front seats though

For some reason Fabio has a half day of school today so he and I are gonna run over to Subway to get lunch. Why have a half-day on Halloween? Wouldn't it be better to have a half-day on the day after Halloween? what in the Helser is "teachers institute anyway?" I am not sure if that is what today is but I always wondered what teachers institute was.

I was thinking about the Texas Rangers while the World Series was going on and I knew they wouldn't win the Series. You know how they say the Chicago Cubs are cursed because they wouldn't let the billy goat into the baseball game (that really is the legend if you don't know)? I think karma has it out for the Texas Rangers too. They have lost two Series' in a row. maybe partially because George W. Bush was their owner but more so because of something I learned when I was on a stadium tour of the Washington Nationals' stadium. The Texas Rangers were originally the Washington Senators before they moved to Arlington Texas. The Texas Senators didn't sound right since most politicians from Texas are whack-jobs so they changed their name to the Rangers. When Washington D. C. got a new baseball franchise they thought it would be cool as a name and for history to have their team be called the Senators. But...guess who owns the rights to the name The Senators?  The Texas Rangers who will never win a Series as long as they don't  relinquish the name to it's rightful city.  This is a little known baseball curse and I am actually just start it but just know where the legend of the Texas Rangers' curse began when your great grandchildren ask you about it one day. It was back in twenty ought eleven when a very little know blogger name Matt In The Middle.... Sports is all about superstitions and lies so i thought I would start a new one. Please help me make this one grow by passing it on! During the series they kept showing the new owner in the stands and I kept thinking....stay greedy and stay out of Cooperstown as a World Series champion...maybe I shoudl send him a letter and change baseball history? I will say that I put the curse on the Rangers so I can be part of baseball lore too.

Alright enough for today I have to feed Fabio and get the podcast up. I will let you know when it's ready. have a safe and fattening Halloween. We have M&M's (three kinds), Kit-Kats (three kinds), Snickers,  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Twix bars so our house may be a good one to start at. They are the minis but mention Matt In The Middle or Dirty Laundry Podcast and receive two! While supplies last. TTTT...MITM (out to try not to eat any Halloween candy and stop Fabio from doing the same so we don't have to hand out pennies or rocks)!

Gonzo Goosebumps Anyone?

It should be called "Autumn Classic"

P.S. (pre-script) I am not going to proofread today's blog before I hit "publish" because I always miss stuff anyway and I am tired because it's 3:43AM and I haven't slept yet. 
Apparently I am getting used to my new weird work hours because I am off tonight and I am off tomorrow and here it is 2:03AM and I am wide awake writing a blog. I got done watching the World Series about three hours ago and the Cardinals won - game seven is tomorrow night! What a great game it was...I think I would have thought that even if the Rangers had won. Whichever team wins tomorrow (I guess it's actually today/tonight now isn't it?) they will be the 2011 World Series champs. I am thinking about trying to get a couple of tickets for the game but I haven't decided if I want to do that yet.

I have ear buds in right now and I am listening to my hours of the recordings I made at the Tinker Cottage paranormal investigation Splenda and I were part of a few months back. I figured Halloween was a great time to re-examine the paranormal investigation and try to get something of the Dirty laundry Podcast. I really, really want to do some more of this stuff. I don't know whether I believe in this stuff or not but it's fun to at least believe it's possible. Maybe that comes from my mind of a frustrated writer. It always gets my mind jumping that's for sure.

While I was taking the garbage out to the curb last night I remembered why I love the Autumn weather. Besides the cooler temperatures and the...holy crap I totally have the goosebumps this second listening to the recording. I seriously have goosebumps and the chills right now. I don't know whether to say what I just heard on the recordings or I should make you wait to hear them on the upcoming podcast where I will put it on there. I know you'll think I am making this up but I am not. I know there are coincidences too but I also believe there is some kind of a plane where things are not as black-and-white as we believe they are. I am really excited to get these files onto the podcast now. I will wait and let you hear it on the podcast. Even if I told you what I just heard on the recordings I know you'd listen to the podcast to hear it but I will wait to build the suspense...I don't think it's one of those things where I can build it up too much...it will probably give you the chills too. Anyway...besides the temperatures and the leaves changing colors I love looking up in the night sky becasue the stars are always so bright and plentiful. It reminds me of when we went to Hawaii and I would get up in the MIDDLE of the night like I do and I'd look up at the stars and it seemed like I could reach out and touch them. Maybe it's because there's less pollution in Hawaii and less here in colder months? I know I told the story here before but in case you didn't read that blog - I remember looking at this really bright star at about 3:00AM on the big island of Hawaii and it was so bright and seemed so close I could actually see it changing colors from blue to yellow to pink... It made me understand the song Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in a whole new way.

Goosebumps (chicken skin) are a funny thing

Now I am going to start listening to the recordings and typing again...I hope I get the goosebumps again! I got the chills and goosebumps at the same time. Does it mean different things if you get goosebumps in different places? In case you're a goosebump expert these ones were on the fronts of my thighs and a little on my left rear shoulder blade. It's 2:54AM now and I am totally distracted by the recordings I am listening too.

Are can openers becoming extinct? Most cans now have those pop-tops instead of needing a can-opener. They're probably better for camping. Are these new cans part of our economic problem in America? How many people did the can-opener industry employ?

I am a very big fan of Hunter S. Thompson. I like that he was who/what he wanted to be and made no excuses. He was also a very good writer. His most recent book was The Rum Diary which he wrote in 1998 and now is a new movie starring Johnny Depp. I think I will see it this weekend. Johnny Depp was a great friend of Thompson's before "Gonzo" died in 2005. Depp even played Thompson in his autobiographical novel turned to film - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I think I first started liking Thompson when I saw Where the Buffalo Roam. It was a movie starring Bill Murray as Hunter S. Thompson. I like when people have the courage to be who they want to be no matter who tries to tell them how they should be. He even had enough guts to travel with the Hells Angels for a year and write about them. When the Hells Angels decided that he was exploiting them they wanted a percentage of his royalties and he refused and they gave him a "stomping." His suicide letter, which he wrote four days before his death said, "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt." He even ended things on his own terms.

I think I may go to bed now since it's 3:35AM (still well within the witching hour). Have a great Friday and make sure you root for the Cardinals tonight. I apologize if this is fragmented but I was listening to those paranormal recordings the whole time and, though I consider myself a pretty good multi-tasker, I am usually wrong. I don't think I will blog over the weekend but if I do i will let you know. We have to do the podcast so you can hear why I go the goosebumps and I have to get to work both Saturday and Sunday. Thanks a lot for being here again; it means a whole lot to me. TTT?...MITM (parched)

Coming Up On This Week's Load of MITM!

Goes well with salt and catsup lip balms

I am starting to write this at 3:11AM CST Thursday morning. I am physically "writing" it because I am without a computer right now. I will have to type it, as I am doing now since you are reading it, later when I get to a computer. Maybe I should just scan this paper and post it as today's blog - nah.  It's kinda funny that BB (before Benadryl) I was always up this time of morning becasue i couldn't sleep and now I work at this time...maybe my "spirits" were preparing me and sending me premonitions of days to come. We should listen to the "spirits."

I was happy that the game six of the World Series was canceled Wednesday night due to "chance of rain" because I was at work? what in the hell is this "chance of rain" crap? Now I should be able to see both of the remaining games and watch the Cardinals win-out and become the 2011 World Series champions, Home field advantage has it's perks hopefully. It's gonna be tough but a fanatic (fan) has got to believe or what's the point?

I heard that that Paula Deen, that down-home hillbilly cook, is coming out with a butter-flavored lip balm. She seriously is. If I wanted butter-flavored lip balm why wouldn't I just use butter?

Tonight on my lunch/dinner/breakfast break (whatever you'd call a break at 2:30 AM) I listened to more of the audio from out Tinker Cottage paranormal investigation. It's so cool to listen to the files right on Roz. I didn't record it on Roz but I was able to put the files on Roz and she plays them for me. I guess I never told you that Roz actually dies about six months ago and I had to get a 4th generation of her - I just cloned her and now she's bigger and much more powerful. Maybe I should change her name to Jamie Summers? Anyway, listening to the recording s makes me want to go on another paranormal investigation...it was a lot of fun for me. I haven't found the clip I was looking for yet but I have already found some good clips I can use on the next podcast. There are plenty more to listen to before we record this week's show Sunday. Now that Roz is bionic maybe I will buy the EVP (electronic voice phenomena) APP so I can just investigate for paranormal activity while waiting at the doctor's office or the dentist or wherever else I am bored.

Not this coming week but the following week, I think November 5th or 6th, we have our first Skype interview lined-up with one of our Dirty Laundry Podcast (DLP) listeners from Portugal. She has a paranormal encounter that she's willing to discuss with Cha Cha and I and it sounds really interesting; I know you'll love it and I cannot wait to find more out about what she has told me already. even if it were just about living in the Mediterranean it would be interesting but apparitions always add even more fun to any story. Maybe she will become one of our regular foreign correspondents. We also have a person who said he will come on the show eventually but he is in litigation right now over what we will discuss and cannot tell his story publicly until the litigation is over. Cha Cha and I talked with him in a bar about it and it is super great stuff. He was the roommate of someone who killed several people and ended up killing himself. Cha Cha and I have found that pubs/bars/taverns... are the best places to meet podcast guests. we met and talked to Pete Tzavalas about three weeks ago on DLP and now this!!! Moral is...spend more time in bars. I am not an overly shy person as it is but bars seem to make me uber-unshy (maybe it's more the tequila and vodka than the saloons though).

It's 3:34AM and I just looked out of the glass doors in front of me....just taking a break from writing and a black cat walked across the path I would be taking if I were walking but since I am sitting it's not really in my path so when I get up I will walk to the right so it didn't really walk in my path. I have never seen a cat here before and where I am is not a very likely or typical place for cats - curious and curiouser.

I am not sure how long this will be when I type it out but it's already two pages long written. It mostly seems to be about DLP. I blog about the podcast and podcast about the blog. It's the circle of blog/pod again!!!! I am so 1 1/2 dimensional.

I just saw two flies trying to reproduce. Is that really necessary? Get a room!!! I felt bad giving them the old "shoe fly" but don't give me a biology lesson this early in the morning. why do we even need flies? I am getting really tired because I had to wonder what they call flies in France. French Flies? Then baby flies should be called tator tots. Yeah, I am officially tired.

I have a lot more to write but I am going to bed now that I am home and typed my nonsense. I would say night-night but you are all just getting up so i guess I will say day-day. TTTT....MITM (off for three day - woohoo!!!! Ciao!

Psycho Blogger!!!!!!

our numbers seem so much simpler

I think I said yesterday that I was going to blog this morning. I guess I didn't take into account that my mornings are actually a lot of your afternoons now. So right now is my morning and tomorrow is my Saturday which makes today my Friday or technically right now is Thursday night since it isn't my Friday morning for another six hours. I think that is right but I have never been very fluent in lost-my-marbles-ese. Anyway, starting tomorrow morning I will be off until what you would call your Sunday night but I think it might be my last Thursday by then. Maybe this is why the Mayans stopped with the calendars. Or, maybe they ran out of space with the way they wrote their numbers?

I have been working on next week's Dirty Laundry Podcast since I promised to try to edit some of the Tinker Haunted Cottage EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) stuff I recorded. I know I heard some stuff on the recorder before but I have about six hours of stuff on the recorder from that night and I have to try to find something. By listening to the audio I can hear how I am getting myself more and more excited and wanting to "find" something as the time goes on and I am getting more and more tired. I just want to find the exact place on the recordings where I hear a whisper say "get out." I know I heard it but I cannot find it again. I wrote down where I found it but I didn't write down where I wrote it down so I have to find it again. I am very close!

I received a message (not telepathically....a real message) from someone who is willing to be on the podcast but wants to remain anonymous. You would not know this person but this person would rather remain anonymous. It seems like something that would be great for the Halloween show but I don't want to make it seem cheesy and rush it. It includes: speaking in tongues (talking fluently in foreign languages not normally spoken by this person), psychic visions, a sort of "ghost" or apparition and a negative entity as well as communication with someone else writing strange symbols they received telepathically from our soon-to-be guest... I love this kind of stuff and hope we can make this happen. The person who contacted me is from another country so it will probably have to be our first Skype interview for the podcast. Our first Skype interview and our first guest from another country... Can you tell that I am excited? Schwing! Now I have to figure-out time zone differences and scheduling...COOL!!!!!

This week's podcast is up on iTunes and at Podomatic at that blue link up above there if you haven't listened yet. Even if you have listened already that doesn't change the fact that is is up and that link will take you there.

Most of you know of John Wayne Gacy (if you don't you already know he's a serial killer because I used all three of his names). He was the man in the Chicagoland area, my part of the MIDDLEwest, who sodomized and then killed young men/boys (33 bodies were found) and buried their remains in the crawl space of his home in Des Plaines, Illinois (a suburb of Chicago). There have been eight unidentified victims of Gacy's since 1977 and the have exhumed and did DNA testing on the eight unidentified bodies, a technology that was not available in the late 1970's. The police hoped that relatives of people who believed these unidentified men to be their relatives would submit DNA samples so they could finally close the cases on these unidentified bodies. Tim Lovell and Theresa Hassleberg hadn't seen their brother Harold Lovell since May of 1977 when he went looking for construction work. Since Gacy was a construction contractor and lured most of his victims with promises of construction work it was always assumed that Harold was one of Gacy's victims. In the investigation Tim and Theresa found their brother through a recent online photo from a police booking in Florida. Their brother is now back home and said he left for Florida to look for construction work all those years ago because he wasn't getting along with his mother and stepfather. I cannot think of how many ways I would be upset with my brother in this instance but I guess relief and joy would prevail maybe. He sounds like a real prize based on the limited information I have read about him.

I love to see Cardinals hug like this - I love ornithology

I don't know why but I have always found serial killers fascinating. That way of thinking is just so foreign to me even though there seem to be a lot of them who have been in the MIDDLEwest (Richard Speck, John Gacy, Al Capone, Jeffrey Dahme. Ed Gein... come to mind immediately).

Okay, now that I have given you plenty to think about... have a nice Wednesnight. After today I get the next three days off....sweet! Root for the Cardinals tonight. Cha Cha is convinced that the Cardinals will win tonight becasue she thinks the World Series is rigged to go as many games as possible because of the revenue and networks rearranging their programming schedules and everything. I totally disagree, of course, and believe that it is on the up-and-up. Though I am a very skeptical person on just about everything I still want things to be pure and honest like a Disney princess. I am not going to reread this before posting it so I will let the blog fall where it may. TTTT....MITM (out like a bout with gout on a stout trout) TA!
hit it Roz (I love this song too...weird)

Scala Naturae!

Me working the graveyard shift

Having only slept for four hours in the last two days I actually crashed this morning (figuratively) and just woke-up and now. I am trying to edit the new podcast and write this blog at the same time; I am convinced that I can do it. When they both are sub-par my delicate ego will at least have a pre-decided-upon defense mechanism to protect my dainty psycho psyche.

I am not sure if I wrote this already but it is in my blogbook so I will write it anyway. I always thought they called the graveyard shift that because people who work it are working nights and that is the time where most action, historically, occurred in graveyards. I think, however, that it really means that it might eventually kill you if you work that shift. Fortunately, as you know me, I have an affinity for graveyards. It makes sense that I would work the graveyard shift for awhile. If you work in a cemetery during the days does that make you a mourning person?

To be honest with you I don't even know what's going on in the world right now. I probably should have done some research before I decided to blog so I would have something to comment about but I promised you I would blog today and I wanted you to know that I am not pushing up daisies.  I already know that I am going to cut it short (TWSS).

My St. Louis Cardinals are in fear of joining me on the graveyard shift. If the Cardinals lose one more game the Texas Rangers will be the World Series champions. When the Cardinals win the next game it will all come down to one game. Our lady of blessed American past-time pray for us! Does a team that was previously owned by George W. Bush really even deserve to win the World Series?

I am now done editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast and I am listening to it one final time before uploading it. You would think as many times as I listen to it before it is actually available for your torture it would be better. I am just kidding because I actually like listening to the show. I think it's pretty good but I am wrong in life 68.9234416% of the time. I would say that it is safe to say that it will be on iTunes and at that Lancelot Link I just added back there.
I tried 5 Hour Energy last night but this time I tried the "extra strength" one. No kidding...there is an extra strength version of something that should already be extra strength just by the nature of it's job right? Why wouldn't the extra strength version just be called 8 Hour Energy instead? Anyway it seemed to work a little better but I changed my consumption time. Maybe I will try to do two tonight because I did by a six-pack. I may drink one an hour before I go in and then another five hours after that. I didn't know I was going to have to be Dr. Frankenstein to work the graveyard shift. It takes a mad scientist to work the graveyard shift - - - makes sense I suppose.

I am gonna wrap it up because I have many things to do before I head to the cemetery. Have a nice night and I will blog again in the morning. Thank you, in advance, for stopping in and for listening to the podcast. New alert....lefty is telling me that it is going to start raining here soon. If you are not aware of who lefty is...that's a story for another time but he 100% of the time alerts the barometer changes for me. TTTT....MITM (Audi 5000 Fiat Pop 500C)

Happy Hump Day!!!! (guess you'll have to read to find out what that means)

Kick it Roz!!!!

Hello there! It's Monday to you which turns out is kinda like my Wednesday this week. Cool - Happy unorthodox hump-day.

You know those little automatic flushing units on toilets and urinals (I said "units")? Did you even really look at those things? I am guessing you ladies have not because they are generally "behind" you but fellas have you ever looked at them when you were trying to stare straight ahead and not make eye contact with the dude next to you? Those things could actually be little tiny cameras (the automatic flushes not those things you are staring straight ahead for). Talk about pooperazzi! They are talking about using those stop light cameras to start sending out speeding tickets maybe they could use those little toilet "cameras" to  automatically flush (which I realize they already do) , take your holiday photos and order bathroom supplies when we get low. There are so many practical applications for those little flushing cameras. Can you imagine the celebrity photos we could have to endure?

I drank my very first 5 Hour Energy Drink last night, As you know, I don't drink or eat caffeine very often because I usually get stuffed-up and/ or acid reflux when I do; nothing major just tearing up my esophagus and kind of inconvenient. With my new hours I will sometimes have to work through the night and there is a wall I hit and need help breaking through it sometimes. The drink seemed to work pretty well but it didn't last for five hours for me. More like maybe three-and-a-half hours. I imagine if I took the time to get a telescope, because I don't think a microscope would be strong enough, the label might say something like "results many vary on each person." I think I may take another one the next graveyard shift I work but I will try it at a different time; you know me and the little experiments I do. It did not make me stuffed-up or get acid reflux though which was cool. I am such a dainty little daffodil. I imagine the stuff is terrible for me and my heart will probably burst but at least I will be awake to experience all the attention I will get!

I like to believe I would never resort to it but you can kinda think how entertainers like Elvis and Michael Jackson... would have to have "medicinal aids" to make it through weird schedules.

About three or four weeks ago or so Cha Cha told me that she thought I was depressed. I think I even blogged here how ridiculous that was. As it turns-out I think she may have been right as I see it getting further behind me in my cracked rear-view mirror. I don't know if I didn't recognize it or as a defense mechanism I was trying to deny it but now, in retrospect, I think maybe she was right. It made me upset that she thought that and I am pretty much a big baby when I realize that I am not Supermatt so it took a lot of courage for her to throw that Krytomatt rock my way. I don't know if I eventually would have seen it in myself or it would have grown into something worse like a bell-tower or something but I think if I recognize it now it must be done-with or at least heading in the right direction. Cha Cha has always had this way, don't tell her that I know this...thank goodness she doesn't read this blog, about telling me things I don't want to hear and she knows she has to deal with my: denial, tantrums, pouting, withdrawal... when she tells me but she still tells me eventually because she knows even when I deny it I still begin processing it in my pea-brain. She just lights the fuse, steps-back and lets it smolder for awhile until my head generates enough jiggawatts to work-it-out one way or another. I think we all deny faults in ourselves because that is a natural self-defense mechanism which is ironic because if we could see the things that people hint to us or finally come flat-out and tell us we would be such better, healthier people for them and for ourselves. I guess I am pretty lucky to have Cha Cha...she either loves me enough to take the heat so she told me knowing full-well she would have to suffer the consequences or she just got so fed-up she had to tell me and let the chips fall where they may.

The famous statue of "Anonymous"

I hope I am not one of those dudes who, like Hemingway or Twain or Shakespeare or Poe or countless other great writers that worked better with mental turmoil, writes better when under mental duress. Can you imagine this blog getting worse? That's right I am lumping myself in the same category with the likes of these writers and you might be well-advised not to question that in my still delicate mental state!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that many exclamation marks means that I am serious - one more would have meant insanity)

I have lots to do...I have some things to get at the store, I have to edit the Dirty Laundry Podcast that we recorded last evening (I didn't even link it there because it isn't ready yet and you are smart enough to find it if you're behind on your listening) and I have to roll-out some grass man (that last one will make a lot more sense when I get the podcast episode up and you listen to it). Those are just the major ones that have numbers 1, 2 and 3 in my line so far. Once I get on that 5 Hour Energy Drink's back I'm gonna ride that monkey 'til that monkey is done. Have a great humpday which may seem like a Monday to you but everything is all in our minds so share a humpday with me won't you (TWHS)? TTTT...MITM (I will tell you when the podcast is ready - today or tomorrow latest) TA!

I'm Not as Blog as You Think I am!

Sometimes the most tempting are the worst. THANKS EVE!!!!

By the time you read this it will be tomorrow (today for you though). I am typing this Friday night at 10:43 PM because when I laid down to try to sleep the bed was spinning. I think maybe six margaritas was too many. One of the good things and also one of the bad things about me is that I make friends with bartenders and they think they are doing me a favor by putting double shots of tequila in my margaritas...I think maybe that they are not. I am very tired because I worked-out today and I drank too much but I cannot sleep because the Earth is spinning. Did you realize that the Earth spins all the time? Maybe the Rapture happened and I am dead....I am not really sure, nor do I care, at this point. Peach margaritas sound so innocent but they are sneaky little sons-a-beothches! I may try to go to sleep again because this is not benefiting anyone....it's 10:48PM and I am going to go see if the bed stopped spinning and maybe I will continue this in the morning. I wish I wasn't so charismatic and charming (and handsome, of course)...I cannot believe I could spell charismatic in my state... I'll be back in the morning (maybe - if the Rapture holds out for one more hour and nine minutes). I can even do math in this state-of-mind.

I am off to listen to Pandora on my iPod and try to sleep! Stop the world I wanna get off!!!

It's 11:04PM and I still haven't gone anywhere. I am waiting for things to slow down...damn things and their not slowing down!
It's now 6:51AM and I came in here to write today's blog and see that it's already partially written. I do not remember writing it so I am thinking it's like one of those "shoemaker and the elves" deals.  The elves forgot to mention when they were blogging for me last night that Cha Cha ended up coming home early and she was with me at dinner. Who do I sue because The Rapture didn't happen last night and I had to suffer all night and now I am out my celebration money?

We like to sit at the bar sometimes and that's what we did last night. On one of the televisions at the bar (the one above where we were sitting) they had on the NBA Network. They were showing old basketball games from back when we were in college. Games with Charles Barkley (Suns) and David Robinson (Spurs)... It was cool for a second but who wants to watch old games? I am pretty sure I know because the commercials were ads like social security and electric wheel chairs... No kidding all of the commercials were for older peeps. What else could they have on there right now with the only NBA news being there's no NBA? 24 hours of watching basketball not being played? The should have just called it The Basketball Channel because then they could have showed college basketball or high school basketball or The Harlem Globetrotters or park district basketball or donkey basketball. Whatever happened to donkey basketball? For those of you who are too young to remember donkey basketball they would bring actual donkeys into a gymnasium and people would get on the donkeys and ride them while they played basketball. It was usually something like teachers or staff members of a company against  someone like the local police department or town council or some such nonsense. Donkeys are just too nice...they should have gone all Planet of the Apes; maybe they threatened to do that which is why we don't have the JABA (Jack Ass Basketball Association) today.

Who are the real jackasses here?

I believe I am going to go take some sinus medicine and lie back down for awhile since the Earth hasn't woken up yet so it's not spinning so quickly. I have to work later today...I hope they have donkeys there. Have a great day/weekend. I will probably not blog tomorrow but we will record a new podcast tomorrow. Make sure you send in any questions or comments today you might have so we can mention them on our world-wide sensation  irritation of a podcast. Go to www.DirtyLaundryPodcast.com to perform that magic. Thank you for stopping by. I apologize if this is even less entertaining than usual. but I wrote it on a donkey.  TTTT....MITM (still a little out)

Doomsday 2011 Part Deux: the Physical End!!!

"Why Guillen on ESPN?" Gaddafi's last words

Another happy Friday that is supposed to be the end of existence for most of us according to that whack-job that predicted the end in May. Then when we lived he said that was the "spiritual" end and the "physical" end would be October 21st. What is going to be his excuse tomorrow? Harold "the crackpot" Camping, the Family Radio minister has told his morons followers that they should not speak to the press. Really, he still has followers? That will only have to last a while because we will all be dead tomorrow. I cannot wait to hear what he will say when we are all asking him tomorrow for his next prediction (but he's conveniently not speaking to the press so how will we ever know what went wrong?). After his lunacy in May he had a mild stroke and now he'll have to top that one tomorrow. Any moron, even me, knows that doomsday isn't coming until next year (2012). Maybe we was referring to Gaddafi's physical end (why is his name spelled so many different ways)?

I am off work today. My new job is weird in that I have a rotating schedule. I guess it's not unusual in the law enforcement community but it's new to me. It's kinda cool in a way but I have to actually be able to count to figure out what days I am off. I knew I was going to eventually miss that big toe.

Last night I was watching The World Series and my Cardinals were winning 1-0 in the top of the 9th inning. The way they have been playing I pretty much figured it was a lock but the Rangers scored two in the top of the 9th and the Cardinals could not answer in the bottom of the 9th. That was disappointing. Even more disappointing is listening to Ozzie Guillen try to explain things to me on ESPN on the pre-game show. I loved him as a player but why would you have a guy who is barely comprehensible in the English language talking sports on an English-speaking show? There are plenty of Spanish-speaking ESPN shows that he could be on. Are they just goofing on him? I can understand most foreign language-speaking people when they speak English but Ozzie speaks so fast and breaks up so many words that he is almost speaking Martian. He sure was fun to watch as the White Sox manager because you never knew what he was going to say (if you could figure it out) or what he might do. The people in Miami (Marlins) are gonna have a great time with him. I give him credit; I cannot speak Spanish near as well as he can speak English but I am not on Telemundo trying. Is it a coincidence that he speak Martian and he's going to manage the Marlins?

Great to tow around to cook your most dangerous driving foods

I was doing some more of my fancy reading, just like you are doing now (we are such show-offs), and I read a report about the top ten most dangerous foods to eat while you're driving. Dangerous in this case meaning they offer the greatest risk of causing auto accidents. Smart Drive Systems, a leader in fleet safety training and research, has put together the following list: popcorn, pizza, Philly cheese steaks, drinks without straws, french fries, sub sandwiches, hot dogs, cereal, ice cream cones and juicy fruits. Seriously? I think I have eaten all of these foods while driving ALL AT THE SAME TIME sometimes when I was fatter Matter. This inspired me to compile the Matt In The Middle list of foods that are "MORE DANGEROUS to eat while driving and may lead to Driving Rapture":

10.Chips, salsa and guacamole
9. Tacos, burritos or chimichangas (less more hazardous with margaritas)
8. Baked potato with sour cream, butter and chives
7. Saganaki (any flaming food item but we only tested Saganaki)
6. Shish Kabobs
5. Corn-on-the-cob with melted butter
4. Spaghetti and meatballs with freshly-grated Parmesan 
3. Gyros (with or without the sauce though sauce adds more hazard and flavor)
2. Cheese Fondue
1. (tie) Bobbed-for Apples and Blow-fish (should be on every dangerous food list)

These items have all been tested by our highly-trained eating-skilled test food dummies (me) and should not be tried by non-trained professionals unless really, really, really hungry

I don't know why I wasted my time compiling and sharing that list since today is our last day alive. I guess it's nice that my last day alive coincides with my day-off but should I work-out today with then end so near? I really have to figure out what this means to my "to do" list. I guess the laundry can wait too huh? Hopefully I will be back to blog tomorrow and hopefully you will be back to read it unless the Rapture comes or you eat one of those foods on the list while driving. What the heck...hire a limo today so you can eat while you're driven around since we won't need our money tomorrow anyway. Thanks for spending your last day with me...I couldn't/wouldn't have spent it with someone more important than you. TTTT?...MITM (out to live for today - what else is there?) TA!

Did Neanderthals Smoke? They Were in Great Shape!

My new work I.D. photo

Good morning...holy mackerel is it afternoon already? My world is still a little topsy-turvy with days as nights and nights as days and off as on and on as off. I think I am smell a Matt In The Hat verse coming before this blog is over.

I was doing some reading from a book last night. You remember books - they were those things before television and the internet and hand-held devises we used to look at to pass the time and learn stuff. I was reading about Charles Darwin and David Livingstone and Thomas Huxley; all Naturalists. I learned something that I never realized I never knew and that never really questioned. I learned where the term Neanderthal Man comes from. I knew it had to be in reference to the location where the first human skull...was discovered but I found that it was in the Neanderthal Valley of Germany that the first Neanderthal skullcap was discovered. It makes sense that Neanderthal Man and I come from the same region/county. I guess I should just have checked my birth certificate.

The St. Louis Cardinals won game one of the World Series last night. As you can imagine...Me happy! (that's Neanderthal for I was extremely excited to see them win game one of the Fall Classic)

I think I have found another benefit to smoking (sort of). I have never smoked cigarettes in my life and I never will smoke but I have always noticed that most smokers are thin. I figured that: cigarettes are so expensive that they cannot afford food or they have killed their taste buds and they cannot taste food so they figured why bother but I have noticed another benefit that is sort of an off-shoot of the smokers are thinner observation. Now with the new laws in most of America smokers are forced to get more excercise. If you are a law-abiding member of society that smokes you are now required to smoke outside in most public buildings (at least in my state of Illinois). If you smoke, and I have no idea what is average, four pack a day and there are 20 cigarettes in a pack (again I am guessing) you have to take at least 80 walks outside a day. Who says smoking isn't healthy? Now smoking is forcing you to excercise.  I should patent/trademark/copyright this idea...maybe make a commercial for the Dirty Laundry Podcast - we did have a smoking commercial on there this week...now we need to make our own.

I disagree - smoking IS exercising

It's been hard to try to get my work-outs figured into my days this last week. I figure it's going to be a couple of weeks before I am totally accustomed to my new schedule; I don't work the same days every week with this new job so planning that is totally new to me. There is a set formula for days I work and don't work but it doesn't always equate to working the same days each week. I will get it all worked out with my Neanderthal mind...maybe I should start smoking for the excercise.

I have been looking for work every day for the last 2 1/2 years and I am clearly a creature of habit and routine. I have trained myself to look for a job so much that when I read the newspaper, there I go with that fancy reading again, I cannot help but turn to the help-wanted section. I am sure this will pass but maybe I should just keep in practice of doing this just in case. I love my new job but you never know what's out there unless you are looking. If you're not always looking for your dream job I guess you'll never find it. It's really nice not to have the pressure of HAVING to look though.

I do not work today or tomorrow so I think I will be able to blog in the morning tomorrow. Unless my clock is already screwed-up and then it may be like Groundhog's Blog! Have a nice rest of your Thursday and remember to root for the Cardinals tonight and think good, positive thoughts for Twain tomorrow (see yesterday's blog for details on the Twain thoughts). Thank you for stopping by and for your patience in my new schedule. I know you have always been loyal and I don't intend to let you down. TTTT...MITM (out - just plain out)!

Another Day in Zombieland! (almost over)

I feel like a zombie today. I started my new job this week and the hours are a little different than I am used to on a regular basis lately. I am growing accustomed to the new hours / schedule and I will be totally acclimated to my new life by Friday. My days/hours vary all the time so i actually have to pay attention. I also just happily filed my final unemployment claim for the last two weeks.

One thing that I am disappointed about is that I am not going to be able to attend the Playing For Change benefit concert I have been working on for November 6th. The show must go on, and it will, but I will not be there. I am disappointed but it makes sense that after two-and-a-half years I would get a full-time job right before the show I have been working on for months. Don't get me wrong - I am disappointed about missing the show but my happiness and relief far outweigh my disappointment. Cool how we as humans can experience so many emotions all at the same time.

It sure seems like autumn is here in the MIDDLEwest. I like this time of year. The tree leaves are all red and yellow and orange and the temperatures are better outside though we didn't have too many unbearable days this summer.

On Friday my good friend and muse "Twain" has a job interview too. In case you haven't been here since the beginning and haven't gone back to read all 523 of the Matt In The Middle blogs shame on you. Not really! Twain was one of my major influencers on me deciding to write this blog (so you have her to partially blame). Her interview is Friday so make sure you're sending her good ju ju vibes all day Friday - I guarantee she'd do it for you. I already know she's gonna get the job because people would be stupid not to hire her and with all of the good vibrations we're sending her Friday she's a lock! Did you notice that video was played on MH TV? You didn't know I had my own music television network did you?

I am going to try to take a nap soon and I need to work-out in the meantime so I can look like Marky Mark - I am convinced that I can one day.  I will write a longer blog tomorrow (TWSS) with more interesting stuff (like that would be difficult). Maybe being unemployed/underemployed was my inspiration and now it's all dried-up? Thank you for your patience in my transition to normalcy. If you haven't listened to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast it's still there for all of your dirty laundry needs.Thanks for stopping in today - I really, really, really appreciate you stopping by regularly. TTTT...MITM (out to eat some brains) TA :)
hit is Roz II!

The Things I Can't Tell You Blog

I just got home from the first day of my new job, actually orientation and training, and I cannot tell you much more than that. I am not allowed to talk to the press about anything about my job and since this blog and the podcast are sorta press I cannot blog about my job. I am not sure if me blogging that I cannot blog about it constitutes talking about it to the media but I will take the chance that blogging about not talking about it is not talking about it.

I hope you did well this morning without my morning blog. I will still blog every week day but I have to get into a routine because I don't work regular and consistent hours (that's not talking about the job either). So, the blog may be posted at different times on different days but you will be able to figure that out.

Saturday was a long work day back at my part-time job. I worked a football game and then went immediately to work the Kansas concert.  I worked 11 part-time hours. Kansas was/were very good. They played all of the songs I remember as a yute. The band stayed after the concert and signed autographs for anybody who wanted them which I thought was pretty cool. They even thanked me for just being me I guess. Nice guys and good music. I should have asked them to be on the podcast but A) that would have been unprofessional B) against the rules and. C) I was too tired.

I haven't been on The Facebook for a couple of days so before I started the blog I took a quick peek and saw I got poked twice and I repoked the pokeys (and the Gumbys). I also got a message from one of my gal pals that she had been behind on the blogs and just got caught back up so a big BLOG-OUT to QMII (she liked that I switched to the fancy Roman numerals). When in blog do as the Romans do!

We recorded the Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight and after I get done posting this I have to edit that and try to get it up tonight (TWSS) or tomorrow morning at least. As usual I will bug you when it's up (as I always do when I get it up).

I have to figure out dinner for the gang. I am thinking maybe doing so carry-out somewhere. I am a working man again and I don't have time for birthin' no babies figuring out dinner tonight. After tonight it shouldn't be a problem because I pretty much know my irregular schedule going forward. I can't tell you because I can't talk about it! quit asking already will ya?

I am in fear of losing my first fantasy football game this week. I have my lowest score of the year and the guy I am playing has three players playing tonight and I am only up by 23 points right now. Fortunately it looks like the teams in my division that are right behind me are going to lose as well so I will stay solely in first place. These damn bye weeks are killing me but they are just about all done for me and I will be back to full-strength. On a happier sports note my St. Louis Cardinals are going back to the World Series after beating The Brewers 12-6 last night. I fell asleep on the couch watching the game but woke up while Albert Pujols was getting champagne poured on him so I took that as a good sign and fell back asleep (in bed though).
That was sure a blog about nothing. I will be able to blog in the morning tomorrow and maybe the next day too but I will try to keep you posted (pun intended) the day before because I know you plan your entire life around this blog. Thanks for letting me tell you nothing today - I always like that you stop on by. Have a super Monnight and please root against the Jets' defense, Santonio Holmes and Daniel Thomas - in short, root against The Jets (don't tell Jay Cole I said that). TTTT...MITM (out to hunt and gather) TA!

Information on a Need-to-know Basis!

Hit it Roz! (music videos sure have come a long way since MTV started)
My 30-day lay-off from my part-time job for having too many hours is over and I get to work a football game and a concert tomorrow. And, Monday I start my new full-time job. With those changes there is another thing that I am not used to; I am actually the underdog in this week's match-up in fantasy football. Every other week, so far this season, I have been the favorite but this week I am the dog by two points. I am confident I will win this weekend regardless of what the predictions are but things are a-changin'. Why don't we have cheerleaders in fantasy football? It's weird that more people have fantasies about football players than cheerleader these days. Thanks a lot Honey Bears!


The concert that I get to work tomorrow is a concert by the first band I ever used my own money to buy their album- Kansas. I think I bought Kansas' Leftoverture and Queen's News of the World at the same time. It must have been 1977 because Leftoverture came out in 1976 and News of the World was released in 1977. I must have been in about 8th grade I figure. Eric Solfisburg M.D. (musical director) talked a lot about Kansas when he was on the Dirty Laundry Podcast a couple of months ago. I am kind of looking forward to the concert because I am guessing it's not going to be too wild of a crowd. Probably most MIDDLE-farts like me; maybe even older since I was in 8th grade and a lot of them may have been high school or college students when Kansas was huge. I sure am making a lot of assumptions aren't I? One day our kids will blog about how they are going to see an R.E.M. concert - a group from "long ago." Now that I think of it I also had Kansas' Point of No Return album. ITunes would have saved me a lot of money.

I am concerned, not greatly because I know how to prioritize, that my new job's hours are going to make it difficult or impossible for me to host the Playing For Change Benefit Concert we have scheduled for November 6th. I will find out Monday what my hours will be but my job is a job that is done seven-days-a-week. I do not have to work seven days a week, though I believe I can if I want to, but I don't know which of the seven dwarfs my five will fall into (I will probably get Grumpy and Dopey and Sleepy and Sneezy). It's not imperative that I am at the benefit concert as the bands are all scheduled but I am the planner and organizer and it's my brain-child and I have so few; I was hoping to be a part of it. I will keep you posted.

People have expressed interest in details of my new job. I am very thankful that so many people are happy for me - thank you. A lot of you have been without work over the past couple of years and can/could relate. Some of are still in that boat and I know things will work for you too but patience, a positive attitude and perseverance are important. I haven't been too specific with my new job because I don't know how much I can/should say. My new job is with a law enforcement agency that most of you are familiar with. I am not trying to be vague to create intrigue but that is a pretty cool added-benefit of my stealthy clandestine-ness. If I find out I can talk about it after my orientation / first day of training I will certainly blog it later. Maybe I need to make up something like spies do so I have something to tell people when they ask "what do you do?" I need a "back-story." Why are people judged by what they do for a living? I prefer to judge people by what they do and who they are as a person not by what they do or are as a profession. Do what makes you happy so you can be happy. Most people like happy people.

Is it just a coincidence that right after I decided to stop donating plasma that I got a job? If you're unemployed and donating plasma stop donating plasma and you will get a job. If not you will at least to be able to a part of my new very independent study on that correlation.

Have a great day today (and this weekend). I think Cha Cha and I may go to the large metropolitan hamlet of Genoa tonight to the Prairie State Winery for their "wine down." It's from 5:30 - 9:00ish if you're looking for something to do and want to see Cha Cha and I and our BRAND NEW CAR!!!! I guess I wouldn't make a very good spy blogging where I am going to be all the time - - - or would I? We'd love to see you there since that's really where we're going- - - or is it?. TTT(the podcast or tonight?)...MITM
Play 'em something appropriate here Roz II TA! (with a twist)

Tell Me Are You Locked in the Blog?

I have always loved the rain

It's Thursday but if we get too Thursday in the MIDDLEwest today all we have to do is go outside and look up with our mouths open and our Thursd will be quenched. I love the rain and I love gloomy days. I really don't know why but I really do. When I was a kid I think it was good because we wouldn't have to march in parades if it was raining and for the last 17 years I worked in construction management and when it rained I didn't have to worry about problems because nobody was working but me and those were the days I got to go take customers to lunch and catch people in their offices to pay their bills. I am just guessing on the reasons. It may just simply be that I prefer the dark and the cooler temperatures (which I do) - those are probably more the true reasons or maybe it's all of that.

Ted Begley Jr.

Yesterday I got the call that I got the job that I have been trying to get for the last couple of months. Orientation is Monday and I am not sure what my schedule will be yet but I am happy to have a full-time gig after 2 1/2 years. I will still be able to keep my part-time job too and the benefits at this new job are tremendous. It will be nice to tell people what I do for a living again when I meet someone new and they ask me what I do for a living. My job, up until yesterday, was to look for a job. That and podcasting and blogging.

Life is going pretty well right now and for some reason I feel guilty thinking that. I almost am already waiting for the other shoe to drop but the entire pair of shoes has been in the basement for the last couple of years so I will enjoy the shoes where they are right now just as long as I can. I never felt depressed the entire time I was out of work though I had been told by several people, some directly and some indirectly, that I seemed depressed. I don't really see that. I tried to keep a stiff upper lip and always look on the bright side (you knew I would use that video again didn't you?). I am a pretty optimistic person as far as you know. I am usually a wreck inside but I always figure everybody has their own problems and they don't need my baggage too. Maybe my baggage was falling from the turnstile of life and I didn't realize it.

I have been writing this blog for about two hours and I keep getting distracted. Funny how life just manages to keep going no matter what I am doing. I am paying bills and blogging and updating my IPod. It would have taken the Pilgrims months to do what I have just done in the last two hours. Now that I think of it they could not have done what I have done in the past two hours. I dare you to show me one pilgrim that could have updated his/her IPod in the amount of time as I have done it today.

Ed Danson

When did Ted Danson and Ed Begley Jr. become the same guy? Probably about the same time that McConaughey and I did.

In updating my Ipod I have just realized that I don't have enough Adam Ant on there; which I will remedy very shortly. And, when I think of Adam Ant I think of Atom Ant and then I think of Andy Kaufman. Fortunately I have plenty of R.E.M.. I think Andy Kaufman was probably one of the funniest men that ever existed. Not only was he funny but he did great imitations and a was the greatest "Inter-Gender Wrestling Champion of the World" of all time. Again, weird how things pop into our heads isn't it? Please tell me that it's not only me. By your silence I will assume that I am not alone (ironically).

I would like to thank you for coming to my blog. I wish it was better, you know, but it is so stupid. It's terrible. I do not even like it. All the most important things of my life are changed around and mixed-up for dramatic purposes. So, I decided to cut out all of the bologna. Now the blog is much shorter. In fact, this is the end of the blog. Thank you very much.... I am not fooling. Goodbye. Go. Roll credits. (that's a very long link - TWSS)

Seriously, thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a great day and I will blog to you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (Matt On The Moon!)

Remake the Pain!!!

I was just watching the early morning news and they were talking about the Republicans having another debate. What is the purpose behind all of these debates? Are these politicians just trying to get free trips around the country so by being in these debates they can justify all of their donors' donations?  Do they just not have any idea who their candidate should be so they keep hoping someone will separate themselves from the pack? I have never been much of a political person but I sincerely don't understand all of this.

If you listened to the Dirty Laundry Podcast this week you heard that I am thinking about starting the Handsome Matts Club (HaMaC). McConaughey, Damon, Perry. LeBlanc, Dillon, Lauer and I will be the first class of inductees. The reason I mention it is that they are making a film about the life of Liberace called "Behind the Candelabra." Michael Douglas is playing Liberace and Damon is starring as Liberace's live-in lover Scott Thorson. I always found Liberace fascinating even as a kid. He was definitely flamboyant. Even as a youngster I knew he was homosexual but I think some of his fans were actually surprised when it was confirmed. The movie is scheduled to begin filming next summer. I feel compelled to report on news of the HaMaC members (some of these guys are already members of the Handsome Mens Club and we will have the same logo so they don't have to purchase new ties and stuff). I think that may have to become a regular feature on the podcast - "this week in Matt news" covering news from the Matts of the world? I have until this weekend to decide (when we record the next podcast).

I worked-out yesterday and I was not surprised to find out that by not working-out for a month I have gotten weaker. I was able to complete my entire work-out but it was tough and I am pretty sore today. I am going to try another mini-work-out today and then a full one again tomorrow (I am a work-out scientist right now). I am back on the work-out wagon and will stay on it because it is tough to get back on that wagon once you get off. Where did that term "off the wagon" come from? I think it mainly is said when someone has stopped drinking alcohol and then they start again they are "off the wagon." Why wouldn't they be "back on the wagon?" Like the Budweiser Clydesdale beer wagon? I guess the wagon must be sobriety and when you start drinking you "fell off the wagon." The main thing I think of when I think of wagons is the early settlers in America heading West to find prosperity and expand the country. I imagine in those days falling off the wagon was bad because you got left behind and they didn't have rear-view mirrors back then. One of the popular thoughts, as I Googled it right now, is that back in the 1800's, when people were starting to campaign for Prohibition, the "wagon" was referring to the water cart that watered the dirt streets to keep the dust down. People who were opposed to drinking would say they would sooner drink from the water cart to quench their thirst than drink alcohol. Prohibition really worked out well didn't it? I guess it worked pretty well for people like Al Capone.

You know that I always rail about Hollywood remaking movies and Cha Cha and I were talking about it and we figure that the one film that has been remade the most times has to be The Three Musketeers. There is a new Three Musketeers movie out again I am sure it won't be the last. I heard that they are going to be remaking: Annie, Uptown Saturday Night, The Last Dragon, The Wiz (which was already a remake of sorts of The Wizard of Oz), A Star is Born, Cleopatra (also already remade several times), Foxy Brown and Steel Magnolias. I am pretty sure that Annie has been remade several times already but, of course, we need more remakes. They're also talking about making Welcome Back Kotter and 21 Jump Street into movies but that's different. Most of these movies were good movies so why don't they take the bad movies and make them better instead? Of course, the better idea would be to have original ideas for films. There have been lots of books and The Facebook posts that would make great movies. Television shows are heading that way too with the likes of Hawaii Five-0 and Charlie's Angels. Hopefully somebody will remake Matt In The Middle one day!

Thanks for staying on the MITM wagon. I hope you have a wonderful day; if it was a good day yesterday do a "remake." These are what we in the blogging business call "call-backs." TTTT...MITM  (out to remake yesterday's pain of working-out again today). TA!

Denied Again, Naturally!

Guten Tag! Wie heist du? I don't know why but I just feel German this morning. Five years of German in school (high school and college) and I never get to use it. I wish I had taken more than one year of Spanish instead.

I just got back from ATTEMPTING to donate plasma and I was DENIED! I have been able to donate for the last five times without incident - meaning my protein level was high enough. I figured because I have been eating meat and taking extra iron supplements throughout the day I thought I had figured out and licked my protein deficiency. I was wrong. Today when I went to sign in the computer screen said to see a center employee. Last Tuesday was the yearly time where they had to take a sample of my blood and send it to the lab for analysis...who am I Steve Austin (not the wrestler one - the bionic one)? So, even though my protein level was high enough that day according to their tests they do at the time of the donation the lab said my protein level was 5.6 when it must be at least 6.0 to donate so now I have to have it drawn and wait for the results from the lab before I can donate again. I decided to wait and think about if it's even worth it. Donating plasma seems to actually be depleting my protein level and even though I love the idea that I am helping people with my protein maybe I am hurting myself in the process. Another nice thing is that I can work-out this morning because I didn't donate plasma. The benefits of not donating are two-fold.

As predicted here a couple of months ago Cher decided to be an audience guest on Dancing with the Stars even though she and the show denied that would happen when Chaz Bono decided to be a contestant (not much of a wild prediction though). They actually think that we are a bunch or morons don't they? Maybe we I am since I am giving them the attention that they are trying to get. I have never watched the show but I cannot help but hear about it in the news: Nancy Grace's nipple-slip, so-and-so falling down, what's her name lost 1,000 pounds while dancing on the show (duh), some former athlete actually being light on his feet (duh), transgender people possibly not being able to be contestants because of public ignorance... Maybe all of those things were staged just to create viewership - do you think?

The Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready for your torture enjoyment. I think everyone should have a podcast. Tell me when yours is available and I will listen to it immediately.

My fantasy football team is now 5-0 and my St. Louis Cardinals are tied in the NLCS (National League Championship Series). The Cardinals were the National League wildcard team and remember who the NFL wilcard team was last season? The world champion Green Bay Packers! The Cardinals are gonna win it all again this season (if I blog it here - it shall be so!!!). The Chicago Bulls would be poised to make another run at an NBA title but the season is still in jeopardy. Yesterday it was decided that the first two weeks of the season will be canceled. Now we'll see if they can come up with an agreement to possibly have any season at all. The MIDDLEwest is dominating professional sports right now so let's get the differences worked-out so Da Bulls can win a trophy!

Okay - I am going to work-out and clean out the garage so we are ready for winter which will be here before we know it. Have a fantastic day and make sure to listen to Cha Cha and I so we can keep you company for a little while. Thank you for stopping by again today. You are the reason I keep writing and I really appreciate that and you. TTTT...MITM (go Cards!!!)

CIAOLOHA!

Ciao!!! (that's a great word - just like Aloha - it means hello and goodbye though Aloha also means love. I have decided to combine the two world to make a mega-word....Ciaoloha! Happy Columbus Day Monday. I am blogging very early today because I fell asleep on the couch last night watching football and didn't take my Benadryl. There have been several theories as to why I don't sleep at night but I am pretty sure I know the true reason after months and months of experimentation. It is definitely due to allergies. On the nights I take an allergy pill I sleep through the night. Last night I did not take the pill and I woke up at 3:00AM stuffed-up with a terrible sinus headache. I also had the window open next to the couch so the night pollen or whatever floats around sneakily while we slept crept into my sinus passages. Also, my parents have been on vacation for a couple of weeks and I go feed their cats while they are gone and I have developed an allergy to something feline-related over the past couple of years too. Thankfully they will be home today.

The reason men don't ask for directions

Fabio has school today even though it's Columbus Day. I am not really sure why Columbus Day is a holiday. I guess since we have an Italian car now (Fiat) we should celebrate it on Mattgarita Island though. I mentioned that on the Dirty Laundry Podcast that we recorded yesterday that Columbus thought he was in India when he arrived here which is why the Native Americans were called Indians until very recently. He was the first man on record who went on vacation but wouldn't admit he was lost and stop to ask for directions.  When Columbus arrived here if he hadn't thought he had arrived in The Indies I wonder what the Native Americans would have been called. New Worldians maybe? Actually Columbus referred to the Native Americans as "the people of God" so where did the term Indians come from? In Italian "the people of God" is said "una geste in Dios" which some people have declared is the reason that the people of Spain started calling the natives Indians because it sounds like "Indians." I am sure there's little chance of ever "discovering" why they were called Indians but it doesn't really matter I suppose. Anyway, Fabio has school today because with our brand new high school school this year and having to get all of our schools moved around they started late and are overlooking some of the "holidays" to get back on-track for next year,

I am still really stuff-up so if the blog is sub-par today I will blame it on being too early, having a headache and me being stuffed-up. Just like Columbus I have to have excuses ready on stand-by.

Sir Paul McCartney got married again this past weekend. He always seems like a decent fellow to me. Actually all of the Beatles seemed like pretty good guys considering that at one time they were "more popular than Jesus." I guess popularity and decency can go hand-in-hand; Jesus was supposed to be a pretty decent fellow too and I guarantee that he was at least as decent as Jesus. I wonder why Sir Paul feels like he has to be married? I have always thought if anything happened between Cha Cha and I that I would remain alone. I guess I don't really know if that would be true but I cannot imagine being with someone else. Paul probably felt the same when he was with Linda. In Paul's case maybe all he needs is aloha.

until big business/government gets their hands on it

I heard on the very very very early news this morning that they are cracking down on medical marijuana in California. Apparently some people are abusing their medical marijuana licenses/business. And that is a surprise? "Where there's marijuana there's money. And lots of it," said Melinda Haag, U.S. Attorney for Northern California. "People are using the cover of medical marijuana to make extraordinary amounts of money. In short, engaged in drug trafficking." I am guessing that the real reason behind the crack-down (pun intended) is that somebody is making money and some people want the money to be their money. I have opinions about the legalization but I have opinions on both sides of the issue. I think that I lean toward simply legalizing marijuana so maybe some other industries can be started to maybe help our dying economy. I am not smart enough to know the answer but something needs to be done. I am sure if it became legalized the government or the tobacco industry or some organization(s) would get their greedy hands on it and it would just create more graft and problems. Man, I am bitter at 3:00AM when I am all stuffed-up.

Have a great day. I am going to try to go and see if I can figure out how to get unstuffed (TWSS). I am coughing now too so maybe I am getting sick or dying. I wonder if Cha Cha would get remarried? I doubt that she would - I think I am pretty-much spoiled that whole institution for her. Maybe she and MADYM would just go and travel for the rest of eternity - that's what I would wish for them. Just don't automatically assume that wherever you land that the people should be called Indians. We have GPS and Google... now so you have no excuses. I will let you know when the podcast is edited and ready for your consumption. Thanks you for stopping. It always makes me happy that maybe I put a smile on your face. TTTT...MITM (out) CIAO!!!!!

Guacamole and Poe - perfect combo or 60's music group?

I won't say "Nevermore" but not this year again!

It's Friday!!!! Do you know what else it is today? It is the anniversary of the death of Edgar Allan Poe. This is the third year in a row that I wasn't able to make it there to put a rose and a "glass of wine" (it's actually a partially filled bottle of cognac but everyone is calling it wine) on his tombstone. I heard in the press that "the mystery person" who has done this for years has not done it for the last three years. You know, this year it's on a Friday and the Baltimore Ravens have a bye this week so I decided not to do it again this year. If I could have caught an Orioles or a Ravens game I may have done it this year but the Orioles didn't make the play-offs and the Ravens have the week off. Last year if I remember correctly the Ravens had an away game. The rumor is that "The mystery person" is spooked from doing it because he wishes to keep his identity secret and with infrared cameras and such now I am afraid to be exposed (no pun intended). I am announcing that I am the person who has been putting the glass of cognac and the roses on Edgar Allan Poe's grave for the past 17 years. I took over for the person who had been doing it for the previous 43 years but they could no longer perform their self-imposed duty due to age and illness and I was recruited to take over - I will go to my death with the secret identity of the person who started my yearly pilgrimage and I will be back. I also stopped doing it because I don't want to get caught and be coerced and tortured into revealing the original person's identity as it was a blood-oath. I did drink half a bottle of cognac and toasted Poe though! They are calling me "The Toaster" but I prefer "Milton" or maybe "The Poester."

On sort of a related note Cha Cha and I are talking about taking a ride one of these days in to Ernest Hemmingway's birthplace/home in Oak Park. Now that we got our new car yesterday we are dying to drive somewhere. I will tell you about the car later in the blog because if I put another photo this close to me on Poe's grave it will be very cramped here. Maybe we should go back down to Twain's house in Hannibal too since we were unable to get down there on July 4th. Be ready Nature Girl...we may be coming your way!!!

Tomorrow is the day I begin the long trek (or the fast track) to my Hollywood career. We are filming a race scene, probably most of the day, that will appear in the upcoming Dennis Quaid, Zac Efron, Heather Graham...film (still untitled). I am not going to go into great detail because I wrote about it yesterday and you can scroll down for more info to yesterday's blog. I just want to mention it again because I can bring a friend or two or six so let me know if you want a chance to be on the cutting-room floor with me (TWSS). I like to meet new friends but I like to be with old ones like you too.

So yesterday  we went and bought our new Fiat 500C. It is a pretty cool LITTLE car. Today I drove it over when I donated plasma and behind me was a Honda Fit and behind that car was a Mini Cooper. Way to go MIDDLE America - we're finally slowly getting our acts together. Now fuel prices have dropped recently but too late oil gasholes (patent/trademark/copyright)...we're using less fuel for the price and because it's the responsible thing to do. You guys keep trying to kill the world and we will continue to try to save it. It's primarily Cha Cha's car because she has a pretty good commute to work every day so she made most of the choices on the car - I advised where she wished or I felt necessary but she decided on the color and the transmission. She originally was going to go with a primarily white car with a standard transmission. she decided to get a chartreuse (I say it looks like guacamole so I call it guacamole-colored) with a beige retractable/convertible top. It's a pretty cool car though it is very tiny. I am sure we will talk a lot about it on this week's podcast.

The Guacamobile (patent/trademark/copyrights pending)!

Enjoy today's weather in the MIDDLEwest of America today; it won't be too long before we're buried up to our shingles in snow. I hope Mick in Ireland and Jennifer in Portugal and Lawrence in Ontario are having great weather today too and wherever you are hope you are having a great day. Thanks for spending a few minutes to read my lies and bragging - I always appreciate it. I hear my lunch calling me. we may actually record the podcast tonight for a change so if you have any questions or comments please post them on the Dirty Laundry Podcast facebook page or at www.dirtylaundrypodcast.com today sometime. TTT (maybe Sunday?)...MITM (into the wild blue yonder).