I May be a Poster Boy (but not much of a reposter boy)

Which is my wife and which is my daughter again?

Man, it seems like forever since we've had rain. I want to be the first to say it because when it was raining every day people were complaining about that and now that it's gonna get hot and people are going to be saying "man, it sure is hot...I wish we'd get some rain." I love whatever we get - I'm a lover not a weather-hater.

Yesterday I mentioned Florence Henderson's new book and now I read that Linda Hogan, the ex-wife of Terry Bollea (Hulk Hogan), has written a book. Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes talks about how The Hulkster had an affair with their daughter's friend (now his wife) while Linda and Hulk were still married. I thought it was creepy that his daughter's friend looks exactly like his daughter but I guess she looks like Linda too which helps me a little bit. In the book Linda goes on to say that “He (Hulk) tore my shirt. He threw lamps. He held me down on the bed with his hands around my throat during arguments, slamming doors, pounding walls...I was always afraid he would kill me in one of his rages.” I don't know if any of that's true but he was a professional wrestler who may or may not have been on steroids. Maybe he was having wrestling nightmares and thought he thought Linda was The Iron Sheik or Ravishing Rick Rude or somebody. Linda answered the age-old question "whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?" Write a book silly!


I always feel bad when people post something on their Facebook page and try to guilt me into to reposting it and I don't. I am not much of a reposter boy. I'm just a simple poster boy. Just because I don't repost it doesn't mean that I don't think that it's a great cause or a nice sentiment I'm just not a reposter. I have thought about starting a Facebook fan page dedicated just to repostings. Every time someone requests that I repost something I would just repost it to that page so everybody could see what the latest repost is. I think I would repost things if I knew I was a second-generation reposter and I was reposting a friend's thoughts but in most cases I think they are a fourth or fifth generation poster. I sense that reposting is going to become the next big way to advertise. I may start a reposting ad campaign for Dirty Laundry to see how that works; it's within my budget. I will probably wait until the next show when we have Willy Adkins the Illinois Ghost Hunter as our guest.

Yesterday I was on the way to pick up Fabio and his two buddies from their class and take them to basketball camp. I was sitting at a stoplight in the pole-position watching the cross light changing ready for the green flag, I mean light. My light changed but it instantly went from red to yellow and back to red. There was no green (just like my wallet). I am pretty much always aware of my surroundings so I went on the yellow (with caution I might add since the yellow flag was out). I was very aware that there was no cross-traffic coming and there were no emergency vehicle approaching and there were no pedestrians near. I wonder if the light did the same thing next time and the next time...and the other people are still sitting there over 12 hours later.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you are one

     Cha Cha and I were sitting out on Mattgarita Island the other night eating pistachios. The best thing ever is when you get down to the bottom of the bag and there are like a dozen or so pistachios without homes (ones that aren't in shells). Those little suckers don't even have a chance. At least the ones in the shells might be a tough nut to crack and grow into a pistachio tree or whatever pistachios that don't get eaten become.

In case you're not from Illinois and may not know - that photo on the left is of our most-recently convicted ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich. Those other countries who say "Chicago bang bang" when we discuss our great state have been right since the days of Scarface Capone haven't they?

I am hearing a lot of what sound like gunshots off to the west. There are mainly farms out that way so perhaps it's the silencing of the lambs or something. This time of the morning, while it's quiet outside, I can also hear the traffic on the tollway so it may be tires hitting potholes. It is a lot of "cracks" of what sound like shots and it is louder than the traffic. I typed this at 5:47AM in case there needs to be evidence in a case later on. Now they are getting MUCH louder. Now it has stopped at 5:51AM. Mark this as "exhibit A!" More "shots" at 5:54AM (needed to reload?) Very rapid firing now (not quite machine gun rapid but repeated rounds fired).

Alrighty then...shots have stopped and it's time to get Movin' On though I preferred B.J. and the Bear but anybody who knows anything about me knows that I love an ape/monkey in clothes and if they can talk....it's bonus time. Click that Link...that "Lancelot Link." Alright, I am done entertaining myself with television show themes from my yute for now. Enjoy the day because it sounds like the heat is going to return to the MIDDLEwest just in time for Independence Day. Thanks for movin' on in here today; I'll blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (off to evolve - oh yeah, my job interview went great yesterday but I'm all outta time). TA!

One Day this Lady (BLANKED) this Fellow!

How to Get an STD - step one, lift up your blouse

Good Humpty Humpday morning to you!

You've waited long enough to find out about Carol Brady as I teased yesterday. I am not one to tease and make you wait until the end of the blog - well, not all the time, anyway. I teased that maybe Carol Brady was possibly "very friendly." In her new book, Life is Not a Stage, Florence Henderson, who played Carol Brady, said in the 1960's she cheated on her husband with New York Mayor John Lindsay. She further claims that the good Mayor gave her crabs (pubic lice). How'd she explain that one to her husband? Did she blame it on poor Greg Brady (Barry Williams)? I did think she was a bit crabby sometimes on The Brady Bunch. It sounds like the book goes on to say that she never had an affair with Williams as had been rumored for years. I always thought Mayor Lindsay would have been a better guy since he was portrayed as a good guy in the Batman television series (Mayor Linseed). Sounds like he may have been a very busy boy spreading crime fighting crabs throughout the country.

After marching in the parade Sunday I watched a little of the parade since we were toward the beginning because you always save the best for first right? Maybe they thought we were old and couldn't handle the heat too long. Anyway, while I was watching the parade I noticed a band coming down the street with a huge mish-mash of different-aged people. Most of the members appeared to be in their early teens but there were also some very young kids and then I looked closer and saw some dudes who looked older than me with gray hair. It was like when Freddy Fleet and his Band with the Beat mixed with the Mayberry band. It was a home school band. Man, they must have a huge house. I never really thought about home-schooled kids missing out on band. This was really cool but I was still perplexed about the four or five gray-haired dudes scattered throughout the band.  Do they have home-school colleges and home-grad schools? These dudes were as old as Dumbledore - were they going for triple Masters' or Doctorate degrees?

I know everybody knows many reasons that the United States is in such economic trouble. A couple that I ran upon recently are: The Dodgers are selling for $3 billion dollars (that money could really help a lot), big business doesn't give a hoot about helping the economy, some religions have entire cities lined with gold while the world starves, insurance companies are starting to deny all of our claims in hopes that we will not follow-up on getting them paid, the politicians are too busy texting their tidy-whiteys and giving themselves raises to solve our problems and photos of Billy the Kid are selling for $2.3 million to Florida billionaires. I am a pretty big fan of the old west (Jesse James, Billy The Kid, Wyatt Earp...) but come on. I guess that's why I wasn't cut out to be rich; I would just blow most of my money trying to help people. Maybe if you add all of the money I threw away that way I would be rich...I'd rather be George Bailey-rich any day.

Only known photo of Billy The Kid $2.3 million

With the weather being so nice for a change the last week our backyard is like a Beatrix Potter story. While I worked in the yard this past weekend I saw: baby bunnies (they sound more fun than baby rabbits), baby birds, some kind of a little black fast furry thing (I think it was some kind of a mouse)... I also got an email about the Dirty Laundry Podcast that said it sounded like we were in a forest on this week's show because of all of the bird sounds in the background. I am going to have to listen again. I guess the studio microphone is much more sensitive than I realized. We recorded this week at dusk with the studio window open and the birds were settling down for the night outside and they generally make lots of noise early in the morning and at dusk... I think that's pretty cool. Those weren't the fake sound effects that we add - those were the real-deal.

While we are on the beautiful outdoors - who decided that women should smell like flowers and men should smell like....men or petroleum products? I like the way flowers smell. Since you already know about the 47% Rule (see right margin in Blossary if you don't) I am not ashamed to tell you that I usually use Secret coco butter kiss antiperspirant / deodorant. I don't always use the coco butter kiss scent but mostly I do. Anyway, I had used it up and had to grab for Cha Cha's (TWSS) Suave sweet pea & violet yesterday. I prefer The Secret. Anyway, fellas, here is my tip for you today. If you use your wife's deodorant make sure you don't leave any underarm hair behind. One of two things will happen: 1) she will know you used it and for whatever reason that is a "no no" or 2) she will think she left the hair there and that would even be worse than #1. Luckily, I saw a defector and plucked him from the Suave. She doesn't read the blog anymore so don't tell her.

Enjoy your humpday. If you see Russell Crowe in your neighborhood (he's been seen in Chicago, Naperville and Aurora over the past few days in pre-production for The Man of Steel movie) ask him if he wouldn't want to be on our podcast. I don't know how he could pass up an opportunity like that to help boost his career. Thank you for stopping by again today - you make me feel like George Bailey sometimes. TTTT...MITM (out but not forgotten)

The Annual Banzai Blog! (the first and the last)

Good day to you madam and/or sir. I am Matt In The Middle and I would be honored if you would allow me a few moments of your valuable time to demonstrate the remarkable healing powers of the Matt In The Middle blog. While you were reading that previous sentence you probably noticed that any pain that you had been experiencing had miraculously disappeared. And, if you had not been experiencing pain none had begun. I don't know what the heck that was about but I thought I would try something completely different.

I heard that Johnny Mellencougarcamp is going to be getting married to some chick named Meg Ryan - yes, that Meg Ryan. His divorce from his supermodel wife isn't even finalized yet and they are getting married next month. I am thinking about starting a John Cougar tribute band maybe called Jack and Diane or Little Pink Houses or Jack and Diane's Little Pink Houses and see if we can't maybe get a gig playing their wedding. If I get invited to the wedding, and we all know that I will, when I fill out the card to send back that asks if I want beef, chicken or fish I am just going to write, "I'll have what she's having." They just seem like an odd couple to me. (Jack Lemmon foreshadowing)

Speaking of couples I heard that Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris (NPH), is talking about getting married now that gay marriage is legal in New York. He had already proposed to his long-time partner David even before the law passed. Have you seen this David dude? There's a photo there so that was a stupid question I suppose. He's as hot as NPH...that's not fair; they're not following the marriage rules of one ugly person marrying a good-looking person. Cha Cha followed the rules even though I am sure she'd much rather have had a good-looking one. Maybe it doesn't apply to celebs. Now that I think of it celebs don't follow this rule. Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen  and New Orleans Saints' quarterback Tom Brady didn't follow this rule. Now I heard that George Clooney just broke up with his hottie girl friend and Sandra Bullock, another uber-hottie, is "consoling him." All reports are making it out that they are just friends, which is entirely possible and very likely since they are working on a film together, but that isn't worth blogging about so I am going to officially start the rumor (do I need to send out a rumor press release?) that Bullock and Clooney are officially now known as Cloonock. Or maybe Bullney? Cloonlock? It doesn't really matter what we call them because it's just a bunch of Bullooney anyway...or is it? Bullooney - THAT'S IT!

As long as I am in the celebrity-portion of the blog I have to mention that being out of the loop with work and parades and such last week I didn't hear that Peter Falk had died Thursday. He is probably best remembered by most as Detective Lt. Columbo. I had seen a few episode of Columbo but I never really watched that show but I was a huge Peter Falk fan. I think I first became a fan when I saw him in the film The Great Race. I think maybe he should also have been mentioned when we discussed our favorite comics on the Dirty Laundry Podcast this week. Princess Bride, Murder By Death, The In-Laws... he was fantastic. He always seemed like a class-act and a nice guy. He's also only one of two people that I have ever known with a glass eye (you know who the other one was I assume).

Two great comics - Jack Lemmon and Peter Falk

I have so many more Celebrity tidbits like "was Carol Brady a whore?" But I guess the celebrity part of the blog is over...it'll give you something else to look forward to tomorrow.

Maybe Fidel Castro will finally get some major recognition in Major League Baseball. Anybody who knows anything about Castro knows he's a nut for baseball. Now, since the Los Angeles Dodgers are filing bankruptcy, I heard that there is a chance for a Cuban to maybe soon own a MLB team. I would love to see Mark Cuban own the Dodgers. The Dodgers used to be all about the glitz and the glamor of Hollywood but that hasn't been for quite some time. I always thought it was ridiculous that the owners of the other baseball teams decided who would be owners. Do you think they really care about the fans? They are just interested in making a buck. Steinbrenner cared which is why the Damn Yankees are still fun to watch. Cuban has the $3 million and he just won a championship in Dallas (Mavericks). We can't have steroid players so let's have Cuban pump some life back into "a game." The other owners are afraid that when people saw what he (would do) for the Dodgers they might have to take a few bucks out of their MATTresses to make baseball fun again.

Another long blog and still a half-filled notebook - Life is Good. Thank you for sending the good thoughts my way. I have the one interview tomorrow afternoon and I am taking the second step this morning for another job I applied for yesterday after they called me last night. When it rains it pours and soon I will actually have to decide which job I want to accept - The Secret (instant view on Netflix) works. Two years of drought and now Niagara will soon be falling and I am gonna be the dude in the barrel. BANZAI!!!!

Have a super Tuesday without rain in the MIDDLEwest again it looks like. Oh yeah, speaking of baseball, Fabio's team took both games of a double-header last night. Enough already...sorry. TTTT...MITM (blogging off until tomorrow) TA!

Roll Out The Blog!

The Second Time Around Band

It must certainly be a sign of The Apocalypse - three nice mornings in a row with no rain. If we have to have a Monday at least we can start one off with a nice pleasant Westerly breeze.

Yesterday's weather couldn't have been more perfect for the Swedish Days Parade. The parade was a lot of fun. I am really happy Kevin Donka is such an enthusiastic marketer and covinced me to join the fun. While walking down the MIDDLE of the street I thought I heard my name being yelled from time-to-time but maybe that was just my ego making me think I was a huge parade star. If you did yell my name and I didn't acknowledge you it's just because I couldn't pick you out in the crowd at mach 10 and I apologize. I saw Cha Cha and MADYM and MisterYM mainly because Cha Cha had texted me that they were by Bien Trucha (that Mexican restaurant that I blogged about and Yelped a review about). I also saw my sister from another mister Judii! That was just a fluke...I happened to look over and there she was. I saw her again briefly after the parade. She skipped the Pride Parade just to come see me (again, that's what my ego is telling me) and I am greatly flattered. The parade was a lot of fun. There is a lot less pressure when you arrive to march with a group for the first time and you are told over and over, "just play whatever you want." We had a lot of fun and I think it showed on the faces of all the people we passed...but that sounds corny. I saw some photos from the parade and I really am a dork. Who invented that word Dick York?

It's funny that Cha Cha, MADYM and MisterYM were at Bien Trucha. I don't know if I told you but I got a message one day that said "Bien Trucha is now following you on Twitter." When I post the blog I send a "tweet" but I found it fascinating that a restaurant is following me. Why? Hmmmm..maybe so every now and then I write how I like their food and their margaritas. Very wise Bien Trucha! I am merely your pawn and I am okay with that.

Est. 1898...just like some of us Second Time Arounders

I slept pretty well last night. I was up at 4AM and worked for five hours in the morning. After that I dropped Cha Cha off at MADYM's house and then stopped at Target to get some blue shorts because I didn't feel like wearing jeans on such a nice day and we were supposed to wear blue shorts or pants for the parade. I thought I had blue shorts but for the blog of me I couldn't find them. Then we marched the parade which ended with an encore of Beer Barrel Polka at the train station bar at the end of the parade route for the people in the beer garden. Then I retraced my parade steps and stopped and said hi to Judii. I walked back to where Cha Cha was and watched the parade for awhile. Then we piled into MisterYM's 1931 Chevy "rat rod" like The Dillinger Gang and he drove us back to our car; it was a clean get-a-way. After that we took Splenda and her boyfriend, with Fabio, to dinner and I had a few peach margaritas. We got home and I edited the Dirty Laundry Podcast which is publishing right now. I figure if I do that every day I will sleep pretty well each night. Does anybody know of a parade with some margaritas at the end that I can be in today?

I have a lot of great notes (you'll be the judge of that tomorrow) in my blog book but this turned into a day in the life blog so I guess I will save that stuff for tomorrow. I've got a busy day that is already underway so I had better get to the next task on the list. Make Munday a Funday...no need for any Mundanedays! We only have so many days in the lives! TTTT...MITM (out to conquer the world ma - first the laundry) TA!

Goodness Gracious Great Blogs of Fire!

It's Sunday (it's actually Saturday but the sun's out so for right now I am going to assume that we're gonna have two SUNdays in a row).

I went in yesterday to wait for a person to stop by and the possibility to jump blindly into the back of his/her pick-up truck to work for the day and it happened; visualize it and make it happen. I got to work a little over eight hours yesterday. I could have worked longer but we had plans last night so I couldn't. It worked out well though because I apparently was exhausted as I was not a ball of fire last night. Where does that saying some from? "He sure isn't a ball of fire." Does that have to do with the sun? That's about the best ball of fire that I know and apparently being a ball of fire is a compliment. The sun is actually a huge, glowing sphere of hot gas. Mostly hydrogen (about 70%) and helium (about 28%). Carbon, nitrogen and oxygen make up 1.5% and the other 0.5% is made up of small amounts of many other elements such as neon, iron, silicon, magnesium and sulfur. The sun shines because it burns hydrogen into helium (I just knew that off the top of my head or did I copy and paste it? I can't remember). The sun being a ball of gas and makes sense too because I am pretty much a glowing sphere of hot gas -in more ways than one from time to time.

One of the best things about working yesterday was that I ran into one of Dirty Laundry Podcast's favorite and most-popular regular cast members Jay Cole. It's always nice to see Jay because he's rarely in a bad mood, like me, and he helps me turn all of the humans' frowns upside down. He also had some potentially great news for me. He gave me a lead on a job that I am going to go over and investigate right after I get done with the blog and get showered. There is a chance that I may get to work again today too as I told them that I am available if someone doesn't show-up for their shift today. I work security for sure tomorrow morning from 5-10AM and then head for the parade. Cha Cha and I have to figure out a time to get the podcast in there too. We may record it tonight. Get your mail and lists in to us today if you want to be included in the "hilarity."

A lot of comedy talent right there!

Cha Cha apparently has some pull in Hollywood. There is a rumor that James Spader is going to replace Steve Carell as boss of The Office. At the end of the season they were having all of these huge stars show up pretending to want the gig as Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin Saber: Ray Romano, Jim Carrey, Will Farrel, Ricky Gervais... Out of all of them Cha Cha said that James Spader was her favorite. 


I wasn't going to mention Jerry Lewis passing-out and being rushed to hospital (I left out "the" on purpose) in Australia. The blog cosmos is telling me that I should though. Firstly, I "played" a Jerry Lee Lewis song here today. Secondly, Roz just started playing Australia by The Shins. Thirdly, it was only a couple of weeks ago that I blogged that this will be Jerry Lewis' last year hosting the MD Labor Day Telethon. And, I worked all week for the MS bike-a-thon. Lewis was on an Australian national tour to raise money for The Muscular Dystrophy Foundation Australia. He had to cancel his concert. It seems like he had a much better reason to cancel than Amy Winehouse did. He may make our list of funniest people when we figure out our podcast list this week. This was probably all a ploy to get mentioned on the blog and the podcast.

OK...I am starting to ramble (starting? HA). Have a nice SUNday before Sunday. Think good thoughts for me today as I go to apply for that job this morning. I really doubt that I will be able to blog tomorrow but come on out to Geneva, Illinois and watch a parade. If you're going to throw tomatoes or something I am in the horn section but if you're not I will be playing the congas. Thanks for spending a few minutes here today; I will let you know when the podcast is up on iTunes. TTTMonday?...MITM (off to change is destiny - just like every day). TA!

What if Blog was One of Us?

Sorry I am starting this later than the last couple of days but I was filling out my "fun facts" sheet for my upcoming old folks' home (high school) class reunion. While I was filling it out I discovered that there really aren't that many fun facts about me that I want to share. I think I may be a little stingy in keeping my fun facts private. That's pretty odd for a guy who blogs everyday and podcasts once a week. I don't think that most people really care anyway. I know that may sound negative but I really don't mean it that way - it's just a fun fact. 

I forgot to tell you; I got the DVD of Black Swan from Netflix and watched it. Just like with The Social Network, I have no idea how that one got nominated for Best Picture. I love Natalie Portman and I love Mila Kunis but the movie stunk. It was a good idea but whoever wrote it or directed it or something took too many notes on the day they covered Hitchcock in film class. How many times can we see Portman looking at herself in a mirror or catching her reflection in a window? I was disappointed.

Can anybody tell me why Justin Bieber has a fragrance for women? Can anybody tell me why any of us know who Justin Bieber is?

Is that Sandra Bullock's ex-husband?

And that makes me wonder...why would anybody take real estate advise from Rob Van Winkle? And then I wonder why do I know Vanilla Ice's real name is Rob Van Winkle? I guess he became some kind of a real estate tycoon or something after Ice, Ice, Baby went platinum or gold or titanium or whatever it became and being on that stupid show where celebrities lived in a house together so they could fight and we could watch it. What was that one called again? Who cares? He started a new website that you can pay for him to teach you how to buy property. He says that when his one-hit was selling 1,000,000 copies a day he was buying up properties. Then, when his career was slowing down, he sold some of his properties and made a profit. So, that's how the intricate world or real estate works? You buy something at a good price, you wait until it goes up in value and then you sell it? Please send me $1,200 because I just taught you all you need to know about real estate investing. For another $10,000 I will tell you the secret to writing a hit song that will make you enough money to buy properties and be able to sit on until they go up in value (no refunds and success is not guaranteed). So the moral of the story is - if you are a pop star that wears genie pants (Vanilla Ice and M.C. Hammer) it's better to buy property and sell it later at a tremendous profit than to be generous to your friends... I am more of the M.C. Hammer-type I think which explains a lot. Can't touch this!

Today is becoming like TMZ...maybe I am just "glorified TMZ" after all. Remember when Ryan Seacrest was on every show known to man? It sounds like he may be replacing Regis on Live with Regis and Kelly. Maybe because the name of the show will sound the same - Live with Seacrest and Kelly. Do you suppose Seacrest is his real last name? I think it is.

I am not extremely happy with today's blog but I don't have time to rewrite it so I guess I will post it as is. That's why they call me One-Take Matty in the blog business. I am going to go in to work this morning and hopefully there's work for me. I cannot imagine that there won't be with the huge event that's happening this coming weekend. If not, that's okay because it's not far...I feel like one of those workers (usually Hispanic in the movies unless you're Jim Carrey) that sits on the curb and waits for somebody to come by in a pick-up truck and say "I need two guys to paint today...you and you." "I need three people to help set-up for a Multiple Sclerosis Tour de Farms today." And then we jump in the back of his truck and he drives us to where he needs the painting or the setting-up or whatever... What happens to these people at the end of the day? Do they get a ride back or are they on their own to make their way home? Like a Holy rolling stone?

Have a great Friday and remember to come to Geneva, Illinois to watch me pass out from the heat in the Swedish Days parade. It's been cold and rainy every day but AS BLOG IS MY WITLESS (not a misspelling) it will be hot and humid right around 1:00PM Sunday as the parade kicks-off (that's a parade trade term that we in the biz use). Thank you for being here today; I hope it wasn't too awful. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out to sit on the curb and hope someone picks me to be on their team).

I'm Laughing and Working In the Rain

hit it Roz!

Tour de Farms - coming soon to a farm near you

Yesterday I worked outside all day in the rain. You know I like the rain so I would be a hypocrite if I minded working in it. I get to work again today and guess what? It's raining! I am pretty sure most of what we have left to do to set up for this MS Tour de Farms rain-a-thon is still outside. At least I have electricity, unlike over 100,000 people in the Northern Chicago suburbs, so I can blog before I go to work in the rain.

As much as I like the rain I hope it takes this coming weekend off like it did last weekend. Actually, I know it's going to be in the mid-70's and sunny with a light breeze (positive thinking). I am marching in the Swedish Days Parade in Geneva, Illinois with a bunch of my old friends, like Kevin Donka that you now know from the Dirty Laundry Podcast. We will be part of the Fossil Band and the Second Time Around Band. Most of the time I think we hated marching in parades as kids because it always seemed to be about 300 degrees with 100% humidity. What do you suppose would make us want to do it again now? I have been trying to think of a funny and clever reason to type here but I keep thinking, "what would make us decide to do it again now?" Hmmmmm. Recapturing youth? Glory Days (more cowbell Clarence)? Maybe it's just a chance to get back with friends from long ago again. I am looking forward to it but for the life of me I am not exactly sure why. Maybe as a kid we took it so seriously and now we can do it just for fun. I'll let you know why Monday if I can figure it out Sunday.

How 'bout a nice Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger?

I set up that job interview with the publisher for next Wednesday. Make sure you're thinking good, positive thoughts for me Wednesday afternoon. I will remind you that morning I am sure.

Remember when Krispy Kreme was huge in the MIDDLEwest just a few years ago? I was never a huge fan for some reason. I love donuts, though I wish I didn't, but I never really cared for theirs as much as everybody else seemed to. Their whole thing was to hypnotize us with a free hot donut but when we got home and the donuts weren't as good cold we stopped going. I read that they are doing pretty well again. Their stock is up to about $9 a share, almost double from last year, and they are making moves to insure that continues. Like the rest of us are trying to do...they are getting healthy. They are going to be adding healthy items to their menu like: oatmeal, yogurt and fruit juice. They are also thinking about adding specialty coffees and espressos too. It seems that Starbuck's is pretty much dictating the way the food industry is run and I think that is a good thing. I have never been a coffee drinker but I go there with Cha Cha and I get a great vibe being in Starbuck's and they have a lot of delicious, healthy choices of food. Can you tell I haven't had my breakfast yet? After adding that photo there I am not sure if I am hungry anymore.

Our government is starting to seem to care about us and our welfare here in the colonies again. They are talking about bringing troops home, mainly from Afghanistan, from fighting somebody's else's war that we have been fighting for nearly ten years. This should help save some money that we could be using here to help our struggling economy. We would also have more troops here to help with all of the natural disasters that we seem to be having lately. It is a campaign that is un-winnable anyway. It's like the conflict between the Jews and the Muslims...it will never end so why are we fighting it anyway? We are there trying to fight against terrorists which seems very noble but it's like fighting cockroaches. We need to stop focusing on the negative in other countries and refocus on the positive we can do within our own country.

Alright , I have to get Fabio ready for his class and get showered and ready for work. Fabio has a baseball game tonight (after his four-hour class and two hours of basketball practice/camp). I feel kind of sorry for him because he hasn't had much of a summer yet but I know the discipline that this is taking will help him throughout his life. If you're looking for something to do tonight and wanna keep me company they are playing the Sycamore Cubs at 6:00PM in Dekalb. Like always, I'll leave a light on for ya. TTTT...MITM (out to sing in the rain).

Blogger (not me "the blogger") is acting up this morning...it won't let me add photos to today's blog so I am going to post it old-school like I did when I started (it will look shorter TWSS)

It's not raining this morning but the ground is wet so it must have been raining while we slept. I heard that some of Chicago's western suburbs, not quite this far out, got some pretty bad wind damage. O'Hare Airport got beat up pretty badly too. I get to work again today for the MS Tour de Farms set-up but today we're doing most of our work outside, in tents, in the MIDDLE of a corn field. I hope the wind and rain decided to take a bit of a breather for us. It sounds like the rain that came through is going to make for a little cooler and less humid day. Maybe I will change my name to Les Humid...I kinda like that.

I told you here a couple of days ago that I was going to put some extra good ju ju out about working and here I am working at least two eight-hour days in a row. When I got home last night I received an email from one of the places I applied to. They want to set up an interview with me. I am going to call them during my lunch hour today to set up an interview. It's not for Aliens to Zombies yet but it is a job working for a publisher as a proofreader / editor-type position. If anybody calls you for a reference please don't tell them about all of the typos you've seen in the blog over the past couple of years. Thank you, in advance, for that.

I hear that The 2011 Tracy Morgan Apology Tour arrived in Nashville again. He went back to Nashville to apologize for his anti-homosexual comments again. It seems he doesn't know how this whole celebrity apology thing works. You apologize and then disappear for awhile and the public forgets all about it OR you apologize and then do some really big charitable / humanitarian thing and then you're forgiven quicker. You don't keep bringing it up so people keep blogging what you did wrong. Let the scab heal for awhile and it will just become a little scar or blemish...keep picking it and it will never heal.

One of the stars of the television show Jackass and Jackass movies, Ryan Dunn, died in a car accident yesterday morning. I am proud to say that I have never seen one episode of Jackass (movie or tv show). It seems MIDDLEwest movie critic Roger Ebert must have seen them and doesn't care for them. Apparently, Dunn was driving his Porsche under the influence of alcohol and jumped a guardrail and the car burst into flames killing both Dunn and his passenger.  Ebert "tweeted" "Jackass star Ryan Dunn, RIP. His Porsche flew through 40 yards of trees - friends don't let jackasses drink and drive." I guess that's true but maybe Ebert should have been a bit more sensitive...."too soon" at the very least. I would have suspected that from Gene Siskel, if he were still alive, because he always seemed like the more ornery one of the legendary film-critic duo. I didn't even know who Ryan Dunn was but he looked like Zack Galifianakis; you'll have to take my word for it since I cannot add a photo today.

I wish for you a splendid National Chocolate Eclair Day though I will not be participating in the festivities...who in the heck comes up with these days? Do we really need a National Chocolate Eclair Day? What about the vanilla eclair or the bearclaw or the apple fritter? Do they all have their own days too? Can't we at least combine all of them and have a National Guilty Pleasure That's Gonna Make Us Fatter Day? I always try to end this and get myself worked-up again. Thank you for dropping in; I'll blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (about to smash the chocolate eclair pinata). TA

My Zombie/Alien Sh-- Don't Stink

I should have asked the price before ordering the champagne

I get to work this morning which is great but I wish I hadn't gone out last night. I went out with a bunch of my Boston Bruins' buddies and I don't think I will be asked back. They said "get whatever you want." When people say this we usually still don't get "whatever we want" though do we? But, these were professional athletes who had just won the Stanley Cup, so I thought to myself, "self, these are pro athletes and the bar is probably going to pick up the tab anyway so I ordered the 30-liter bottle of Ace of Spades "Midas" champagne that I have always wanted to try. I got a text while I was on the way home telling me that the champagne was $100,000...oops. The entire bill came to $156,679.74; the "service charges" were $25,000 - what is that tip? If that went to one server I bet the MGM Grand at Foxwoods had a server retire last night.

In related news I checked my Mega Millions ticket from Friday and I didn't win YET! Maybe today's the day so I can get another bottle of that Ace of Spades "Midas."

Do you remember the jerky prison guard, Percy Wetmore, from the movie The Green Mile? The actor who played him, Doug Hutchison (now 51-years-old) married his high school sweetheart recently in Sin City (Las Vegas). That is nice isn't it? Until you find out that when I say "high school sweetheart" I don't mean they've been sweethearts since high school I mean she is 16-years-old and in high school. It is legal to marry minors in Las Vegas with parental consent. In a comment the couple said, "We're aware that our vast age difference is extremely controversial but we're very much in love and want to get the message out there that true love can be ageless." I wonder how old her dad is...probably in his mid forties maybe? Splenda is almost 20 years old and I think I would have a problem with her marrying someone older than me...that's just creepy. Hutchison is old enough that he has already written his memoirs called (and this is not a joke) Hey, Guess What? Tom Hanks's Sh-- Smells, Too! [My Adventures in the Toilet of Tinseltown]. Maybe if you put Tom Hanks' name in the title people will buy it by accident. Also, I don't believe Tom Hanks' sh-- smells - mine doesn't why would his?

A lot of "people" are applying for my future job

Yesterday I did a lot of job searching, as always. I applied to several and stopped and talked to a few. There is one that I have my eye on that I really hope works out  - not only because it's in Hollywood, California (I don't think I would have to move there - I think I could work from Mattgarita Island but I'm not sure). If you need me to work for you you'd better act fast because if Aliens to Zombies snatches me up it'll be too late to save me. They are starting a new blog and they are looking for feature blog writers. If they call you, or contact you whichever way zombies and aliens contact people - I know how but you don't want to know, tell them how great I am and that, like Tom Hanks', my sh-- don't stink...that smell is just my rotting flesh. I think that would be a great job right up my alley; I love to write and I love the supernatural and if I don't like it I only have to work there for a little while because 2012 is only six months away and we'll all be zombies or dead anyway so...cool.

Alrighty, I have to shower and do some other non-smelly stuff to get ready for work. I get to work help setting up for the National MS Society Tour de Farms bike rally. I will blog you again tomorrow but you already knew that didn't you? TTTT...MITM (not stinking...out). P.S. if you haven't listened to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast what are you waiting for...it's not gonna get any better with age! (you didn't think I was gonna forget to plug the podcast did you? really? - TWSS)

The "Hello Athens" Blog!

When I blogged here that I like the rain I didn't mean that I necessarily like it five out of seven days a week. At least the rain had this past weekend off. I have noticed for a long time that whatever I blog and whatever we talk about on the Dirty Laundry podcast tends to manifest itself one way or another. Maybe it's because I/we blog/talk about so many things and there is a good chance that a lot of it will come to fruition but it's almost like I am Mattstradomus. We even talked about it on the new podcast that is on iTunes now (#13). How Oprah copied our idea with the O.J. Trial guest and how Regis talked about never having a brain freeze. Also me saying that I like the rain and then having it rain 3/4 of every week. I am sure that I am just hyper-sensitive. I have always been a big believer in a good positive mental attitude but since watching The Secret on Netflix I am even more convinced and I plan to use the blog for my own personal "making things happen machine." Stories about spirits contacting us from beyond have a common theme, a lot of times, of working through electronic devises - like computers (podcast and blog) and ipods (podcast). What have I got to lose?

Pretty stylish nipple piercing

I guess that Jennifer Lopez (J.Lo) had a wardrobe malfunction in Germany over the weekend and she had a bit of a "nip slip." I searched for a photo to put here and my conclusion is that it wasn't a "slip." There are so many different photos of J. Lo's slipping nipples in so many different outfits that I have a feeling that these "slips" are carefully manufactured opportunities to remain in the public's eye, so to speak. Doesn't she have her own line of clothing? Nipple Slip Clothes or something like that? Her new stylist might be Anthony Weiner. I think Janet Jackson even has a Nipple Slip Academy for celebrities who want to pull-off (pun intended) these public "wardrobe malfunctions." It's one of my favorite art-forms and Janet will always be the queen.

I started writing this about three hours ago but then I drove Fabio and his two friends to their class and then came back here and applied for two more jobs on-line which always takes longer than you'd think. That's my cosmic wish that I am going to get through blogging. I am going to get a job that I enjoy by July 20th. Watch it happen and then you'll be convinced of the power of positive-thinking and blogging. There's a lot of pressure on you karma and cosmos and positive-thinking but you three are much better than James, Wade and Bosh!

If nothing else Amy Winehouse is what she is and she doesn't feel like changing. I admire that in a way but I think she should be what she is after she becomes something that she should be. She has a great voice but that only gets her to rehab, yes yes yes. She is freshly out of rehab and it looked like things were going to turn-around for her. While she was performing at Serbia's Forest Fest, after showing up an hour late, she said "Hello Athens" and began: forgetting the lyrics to many of her songs, dropping the microphone, walking over and hugging her band for no reason... and then walked off the stage prematurely while the crowd booed. She then canceled upcoming festival concerts in Turkey and Greece. I think that was a terrible idea...she already knew to say "hello Athens" so she had a 50/50 chance of being right next time. Maybe she should have just canceled Turkey to increase her odds of being right next time. This is the kind of thing that would have helped sell-out those other two shows. Did fans in Chicago not show up to see Charlie Sheen after he was booed off the stage in Detroit? Heck no, the next shows were all sold out too. Maybe she should have had a nipple slip and just kept on going. Why were there even people there to boo her? The same reason everybody booed Charlie...people love to slow down to see an accident (gapers' concert)

I have a phone interview coming up in a few minutes so I had better wrap up here. Thanks for stopping in - you know I am glad that you do. If you get a chance to listen to the podcast I think you'll hear some songs you'll like on this week's show. Have a great day while I get a job; I wish the nip slip was effective on a phone interview. when's that picture-phone deal gonna finally take-off? TTTT...MITM (goodbye Athens!)

Fisrt National Bank of Fathers

cue the music Roz

Happy Father's Day. For me the middle word makes for the first word possible.

I heard this morning that Clarence Clemens died yesterday. In case you aren't a MIDDLEager he was an amazing saxophone player probably best known for being one of the main parts of Bruce Springsteen's E-Street Band. A lot of you original MIDDLE MTV'ers will remember that song Roz cued up there at the beginning too. He always seemed like a pretty good guy. Talk about a diverse musical career...he even played with Lady Ga Ga. The dude had chops!

Yesterday I told you that Fabio had two basketball games and a baseball game. There was a typo on the basketball schedule we received and they ended up having three basketball games. They did pretty well at the basketball tournament. They won one of the three games but played really well in all three games. They have only had two practices for this high school basketball team and this is not really part of the season so the coach is trying different combinations of players and right now it is just about playing together which they are doing better every game. On the way back from Rosco, Illinois (where gas is only $3.63 per gallon as opposed to here where it's $3.89) we stopped at Volcano Falls and did the batting cages and miniature golf - like there weren't enough sporting-type events already going on for the day. The Phillies (Fabio's team) beat the Sycamore Yankees last night (I forgot how to bury the lead). Fabio came up in the 5th inning with us down by two runs (8 - 6) with the bases loaded. He has been in a mini hitting slump and he has been doubting himself at the plate lately. I recently watched The Secret (twice) on Netflix after listening to Cha Cha and Kevin Donka talk about it on last week's Dirty Laundry. I went up to the dugout and walked up behind him and told him to "visualize yourself hitting the ball and you'll hit it." He stepped into the batters box and smacked a double to left center which drove in two runs and tied the game. We eventually went on to win 12-11. I also visualized the price of gas being lower in Roscoe so I just put in enough gas to get us there. When we got there I filled up - what a father-like thing to do on Fathers Day Eve.

Thanks for all the help banks!

While I was cleaning the kitchen this morning I had the television on for background noise and I heard a commercial for some bank where a guy was saying things like: "I wanted a house and (so-and-so) bank was there to help me"..."I wanted to go to school and thank goodness (so-and-so) bank was there to help me." I guess they "helped you" yes but I don't think their intentions were as noble as they are leading us to believe. What was the interest rate for this "help?" I am sure they waived all of the finance charges because you and your bank are such good friends right? I am not knocking banks because goodness knows we wouldn't have a house or cars or college educations without banks but let's not pretend that it's more than a business relationship. Maybe the money you lent me for my edjumacation is making me understand that you might have gotten a little something out of "helping" me banksy. I look at the banking industry and how it has "helped" our country get into the financial mess we're in and think that maybe we don't need quite as much "help" as they have been handing out.

My mom and dad will be here soon for Fathers Day breakfast so I had better wrap this up. I hope you have a great day. Cha Cha and I will record the new episode of Dirty Laundry this afternoon and it should be up on iTunes by tomorrow (maybe today) sometime; I will let you know when it's up (TWHS).  It's still not too late to send your questions and/or comments to matthelser1@gmail.com or post them on the Dirty Laundry (podcast) Facebook page. Thank you, as always, for stopping here. I hope all of you fathers (and mothers who are fathers and aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends...who have taken on roles as fathers) have a day that you feel appreciated. I will blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (nameste-ying out until tomorrow)
I will have Roz leave you with the song that I always envision Splenda and I dancing the daddy/daughter dance to at her wedding. (it always chokes me up) - not "Call Me Al"

Fabio Knows Baseball

or even some not-so-secret ones

Happy Saturday (I don't mind being redundant). Fabio's game last night was very exciting even though we came out on the wrong end of an 8 - 7 game.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I can say this without being Fatherist because I am a father but these days like this seem kind of ridiculous to me. They are just thought up by someone to guilt us into buying something when there aren't gift-giving holidays near. I think it's nice to honor our fathers and our mothers and our grandparents and our valentines and our sweetests but we should be doing that every day. We have this self-imposed feeling of guilt if we don't drink the father Kool-Aid (that doesn't sound right does it?) I bet Father's Day is going to be confusing in the Schwarzenegger household this year.

This morning Fabio and I travel to Hononegah High School near the Wisconsin border. I feel like I am chauffeuring Bo Jackson around the state. Two (maybe three) basketball games this morning and then another baseball game tonight against the Yankees. It's a hard-knock life for a multi-sport athlete and his driver / Matt-servant. The Yankees play the Chicago Cubs today in Wrigley Field and also play the DeKalb Phillies tonight...busy day for the Yankees too I guess.

I am going to have to make this one short (TWSS) becasue it's time to put a larger fire under Fabio's butt to get him going. If you're around Rockton, Illinois this morning and want to see some freshman high school baseball stop on by the high school. I know they have games at 10 and 11 and some are saying also at noon which I disagree with....I think we only have 2 (the noon one looks like a sophomore game on the schedule to me). Also, tonight, before the 6 PM game, tonight Fabio will be signing autographs at Prather Park in DeKalb. I'll save you a seat.

Have a great day and I may blog again tomorrow but my parents are coming over in the morning and then we are recording the podcast in the afternoon. I tend to wake up pretty early so I think I will manage to get a blog in there too. It's not too late to get your questions and/or comments in for the podcast. MattHelser1@gmail.com or on the Dirty Laundry (podcast) Facebook page.

Happy Juneteenth!!!!!!!

Happy Juneteenth!!!  Juneteenth is the day that celebrates the end of slavery in The United States. On June 19th in 1865 news reached Galveston, Texas, delivered by General George Granger, that The Emancipation Proclamation had been signed by President Lincoln over two years earlier. Robert E. Lee finally surrendered and the Union forces were strong enough to convince the Confederate soldiers that it was time to stop already. The internet or our 24-hour news cycle sure would have sped that up.

It's almost 5AM and it's not raining but there's a full moon. Soon the sun will gobble up the moon but it's pretty cool in the meantime. Sometimes the sun can be such a bully or maybe the moon just doesn't know how to share? I prefer to think that the moon has been up all night and her shift's over and the sun is now on the job.

It's Friday and it seems like it may be a slowish day for a change. Fabio has his class this morning and then nothing but one baseball game tonight...and it's actually in town. Tomorrow he has a couple more basketball games up by Rockford in the morning and a baseball game at night (again - in town). We are looking at recording the Dirty Laundry podcast tomorrow in between as we try to agree on a time with this week's guest. He's a very busy guy and our schedule is busy too over the next couple of days. My total new outlook says. "if it works out cool but if not that's cool too." It wouldn't be the first or last show that Cha Cha and I did without a guest. Three Little Birds has been my outlook of late. Today is probably just disguising itself as being slowish - that happens a lot.

I just heard that Oprah is trying to get an interview with O. J. Simpson. We haven't heard the name O. J. Simpson for quite some time and then last week, when I mentioned possibly having a person from the O. J. Simpson trial on the podcast, now Oprah is going to get O. J.? I don't mind you stealing my guest ideas (and trying to Oprah-size them) Oprah but just do me a solid and tell people you listen to the podcast and read the blog already. She probably won't get O. J. though because her one condition is that he has to admit that he killed Nicole in order for Oprah to have him on the show. Oprah says that the only two interviews she hasn't been able to get are Simpson and Susan Smith who is in prison for killing her children. Isn't it nice to know that even Oprah doesn't get everything she wants? If I had O.J. as a guest I would just want to know about the most famous chase scene in television and movie history. Actually, I think I would try to put a positive spin on the whole O.J. Simpson thing and actually talk about his football and movie career. He was really fun to watch play football when I was a kid and he was hilarious in The Naked Gun movies. Always be nice kids...one bad, momentary, lapse in judgment can change everything (allegedly). I know you probably have a hard time believing me when I tell you about Roz's musical sense of humor but she just started playing Killer Queen. That's why I love her so much.

Answer - they don't have Al Cowlings

Speaking of lapses in judgment - I guess Weiner pulled out. Once Anthony Weiner's wife got home she he decided to resign his position as a New York Congressman. While he was trying to resign the position, which he eventually did, he became the butt of many more jokes as hecklers yelled things like: "buh-bye pervert" and "will you maintain your hot physique and your smooth sexy chest?" I know there have been a lot of Weiner jokes but I think this was ridiculous. I am not even sure why I feel that way - maybe it's the good ju ju thing? There is talks that the comments were coaxed by Howard Stern. I guess I feel there should be some decorum in public and especially in some venues...I am such a stuffed-shirt sometimes.

These blogs have been getting pretty lengthy lately. You get more for your money that way. I hope you have a great Juneteenth. I am not sure if it should be Happy Juneteenth or Merry Juneteenth or Joyous Juneteenth... I don't think anyone has every Juneteenthed me before. How about "Have a Sunny Juneteenth?" If you're looking for a way to spend your Juneteenth night come on out and watch the Dekalb Phillies take on the DeKalb Tigers. You would want to root for the Phillies, of course. Have a great day. Thanks for stopping here today. TTTT (probably)...MITM (namaste)

Rain Brings Flowers So Bees Can Make Honey (simple, no?)

Tut, tut looks like rain. Thank goodness we are getting more rain...I love the rain. Now I can put off mowing the lawn one more day - even though I love mowing the lawn. Fabio has three, yes three, basketball games today so I don't know if I was gonna get to mowing the lawn today anyway. welcome to high school Fabio...a four hour class this morning and then a ride to West Chicago to play three basketball games. I much rather have him doing that than killing zombies and Nazis on X-Box. Not that I like zombies or Nazis because I do not!

Chick-Fil-A has come to the MIDDLEwest. Chick-Fil-A is a restaurant that sells chicken - as you may have guessed. The one that is opening in Chicago today is giving a "free chicken meal-a-week" for the first 100 customers. They will get 52 certificates for free chicken dinners. I didn't know that until now or I may have gone. I don't eat meat (including chicken) but I would have liked to have gotten the free meals and then walked around to the places in Chicago where people don't eat very often and give 52 hungry people these certificates. Or maybe have taken them to a homeless shelter and given them to the facilitator. I think we stopped at a Chick-Fil-A in Tennessee or on the way to Canada one time and from what I saw it was just chicken but I bet, knowing how we are starved for food that is bad for us in the MIDDLEwest, there will be thousands of people there today and somebody will get hurt... Just wait a couple of weeks and you you'll be able to get right in. We are so impulsive in this country (me included). Thanks a lot media hype-machine.

Ben and Jerry must like SNL

Speaking of media-hype one of The Beatles is coming to Wrigley Field. If you haven't heard I imagine you already figure out that it either has to be Paul or Ringo. Paul McCartney is going to play at Wrigley Field this summer. I haven't heard what position that he will play. I know that Paul McCartney is one half of one of the best song-writing teams of all time. He also seems to be a pretty descent fellow. I have to say that most of his music post-Beatles has not impressed me too much though. I am sure he will do a lot of Beatles' songs and I know he will play better than the Cubs. Hopefully he won't get injured.


There is a rumor about the next Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor. Ben and Jerry always try to keep their new flavors secret until they are released and I am sure they won't appreciate me telling you what the new flavor is going to be but just keep it amongst us and I'm sure that it will be okay if I tell you. The supposed new flavor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream is going to be Schwetty Balls. Just don't rest your Schwetty Balls on an oven for very long. Their Balls will be made from a secret Schwetty family recipe. You think I am kidding but just remember that I blogged it here first when you've got Schwetty Balls in your mouth.

I have to get going to sprinkle some sunshine on a few issues that are trying to make themselves sour. I am Little Mister Matt In The Middle Sunshine, at least that's what I am trying to be, and I will not let them turn to the dark-side.

There are always potential little black rain clouds hovering above all of our honey trees and we have to focus on the honey and forget about the clouds and the rain. Even the rain brings more flowers so the bees can make more honey. I have received some news that could end up becoming bad but I am not going to let it be bad - I am going to make it good. I am going to continue to put out my good hippie vibes and I know they will bounce back to me even bigger. I know this is going to seem like bologna after yesterday's blog of all of the thunder...but as I typed that about the sun Mister Sun just engulfed the entire culdesac. Have a sunny day and stay positive (and sexy) my friends. Thanks for spreading your sunshine by stopping to spend some time with me - I always appreciate you.

Today's blog didn't suck...I just ran out of time before it got good. (I think that may be the new ending for the Dirty Laundry Podcast) TTTT...MITM (out and about)

The Ghost In Louise

PFC on Dirty Laundry Podcast next week

Post script (ironic it's at the beginning huh?) Let me know if anything eerie happens while you read today's blog....I am convinced that it will! So, it's actually a pre-script that I wrote post-blog.

I have been surrounding myself with good ju ju and good people and good energy lately. It hasn't been by design but it has worked out that way and I am getting good things back because of it I think. In addition to the positive people I have been with and the joyful places I have been in (at The House Cafe and with family and friends including Dr. Kevin Donka) the last couple of days I think sending Cha Cha's Aunt Louise off to her final resting place brought good energy my way; I think she and her life have inspired me too.

I believe in coincidence but I think coincidence is someone else's destiny or karma or energy overlapping or bumping into mine. I base that on nothing other than my own feelings but I think I am very intuitive and open to just about everything. I just thought of that definition now as it flowed through my fingers but even though this is the first time I have ever put it into words I think that I have felt that way forever. I do not think that it is coincidence that as I type this as I hear thunder off in the distance and it is beginning to rain. I do not think that it is coincidence that Bob Marley's One Love (the Playing For Change version) is being played by Roz right now. I don't think it's a coincidence that I received a response from Raan Williams from Playing for Change the morning after Louise's ashes were put into the ground telling me that we can play their music on our podcast now. Maybe I need to come up with a new word for coincidence? Fate? Kajunkles? Destiny? I know there are many words to describe it but I need my own word for what I am experiencing right now. Maybe it is lack of sleep but I like the feeling whatever it is; I may never sleep again. I have some big thoughts in my head right now (thunder clap - cool) - I will fill you in soon enough.

The funeral yesterday was very nice. We had a service here in DeKalb at the nursing home where Louise died and had lived for several years. Everybody there knew Louise as she had helped in the mail room and was one of the most spry of all the residents for so many years. She was always willing to help anyone at any time. So, after she had her send off with her friends at Oak Crest, we headed to Naperville where her ashes will remain until the rest of us join her though I doubt that I will ever be worthy of going wherever she will go now; there's a special place for people like Louise Rich. Cha Cha even got up and spoke at the funeral; she doesn't like speaking live in front of people even though she is now a huge podcasting star but she did it for her love of Louise. I cried (that's what the wet eyes thing is right?) as Cha Cha and her cousin Anita spoke. Have a nice journey Louise and thanks for what you were and still are - and thank you for the new inspiration at 1:30 this morning that has left me awake since. Huge thunder clap (I am not kidding) - coincidence?

Louise Rich - apparently my new muse

The way I woke up this morning was that I received a call at 1:30AM on my cell phone. I went to answer it and it said "unavailable" as the phone number. It rang only once and stopped ringing before I tried to answer it. I looked at the call log and there was no sign of a call coming in. I got up and wandered the house to make sure everybody was present and accounted for because that's what good parents and mates and dogs and friends do - guard you vigilantly while you sleep. The last calls listed were people that I had spoken to. (thunder again - seriously?) Then, while I was looking at the phone log, a branch on the tree outside of our bedroom scraped the window and it sounded like a whisper of "MATT!" Alright, I just gave myself goosebumps (thunder - alright...I am believing already) OMG the loudest thunder ever right now...I am officially totally creeped-out. It sounded like it was right over our house - SERIOUSLY! I just went to see if anybody else was awake and nobody is...there's no way they could have slept through that. Another really, really loud one (not quite as loud at the shotgun blast a minute ago). I am typing faster and faster and getting more and more goosebumps. I know I embellish here sometimes for humor-sake but not this time...I pinkie swear! Now the wind of the open door just slammed the office door shut. I may never sleep again. And now Roz is playing The Ghost In You by The Psychedelic Furs. Seriously Louise? I think I may have a new practical joke-playing Guardian Angel! I couldn't think of a better one to have. (another thunder....not any one of these thunders were added/embellished - I swear on my life and on both of my pinkies). If I don't accept that right now I may go mad so that's what is happening and that's my new life - very cool!

Now I heard what sounded like a voice in the hallway but went out into the dark hallway and said "hello" and did not get an answer back - thank goodness because I would have shat myself been surprised. I think it may have been the wind through the office window going under the door but I think our house may be haunted by Louise now. I am going to convince myself it was the wind. Good thing we have Ghost Hunter Willie Adkins coming in three weeks to be on the podcast - this is not a build-up stunt...this all really just happened as I typed this. This isn't the blog I intended to write when I started writing this early morning. This became a blog written by Louise from beyond. Louise In The MIDDLE today. She was a better writer than I am so I appreciate the upgrade for today at least.

Now I will send you off with the song Louise and Roz decided to play right now as I am winding down. Just about as good as The Ghost In You. An i-pod on "shuffle" for Roz and Louise apparently means "creep out Matt". I am not amused... okay, I am very amused and flattered that she would visit me. Thank you ladies; I love you both. (lightning and thunder right on cue - big long thunder and goosebumps). I wish I had been recording this because nobody is gonna believe it's true but I swear on my life that all of the thunders and noises and musical timing cues...here were real and happened exactly when I typed them. Thank you for stopping by and I hope Louise touched you this morning too because that apparently was her intention. TTTT...MITM (The Ghost and Mr. Chickened out - OMG The Old Simmons Place?)

Send 'em off Louise and Roz!  
 I just re-read this for typos and another huge thunder clap, a sound in the hallway with nobody there and more goosebumps.

But Then They Came For Me...

Shock-Shlock Tracy Morgan

I am going to make that quick (TWS wished) because we have a funeral to go to this morning which continues into the afternoon (like two separate funerals). Aunt Louise taught Latin and English Literature; I bet she would have liked my blog.

Last night we went to The House Cafe' for Open Mic Night. I always have a good time there and this time Cha Cha came with me. Our friend Beth met us there too. There were some very entertaining acts. Lots of songs, some poets, hula-hoopers... The poets made me think of the film So I Married An Axe Murderer. If you have never seen this movie I highly recommend it.

As long as we're on former Saturday Night Live cast members (Mike Myers) what's up with Tracy Morgan? I have never been a Tracy Morgan fan; he's not funny to me. He does some characters here and there that are funny but I kind of think of him like the Howard Stern of comedy; similar to Gilbert Gottfried (who I do like because he is shocking AND funny). Morgan just says shocking stuff that isn't funny. Anyway, I guess he went on a homophobic and sexist rant while performing his stand-up act in Nashville. My thought on going to see stand-up, anybody's stand-up, is that if you are easily offended by anything don't go. People seem to find these kind of attacks on people funny until they are in the comic's cross-hairs. I don't think the comments that Morgan made were funny but you have to take it for what it's is worth - it was a guy who was probably dying on stage, becasue he's not funny, trying to shock the audience into laughter. He's irreverent. It's like people getting upset at Ricky Gervais for making fun of celebrities at The Golden Globes. We are such a hyper-sensitive culture now - this whole country is about fear now. I am never offended when people make fun of incredibly smart, extraordinarily good-looking, multi-talented, youthful, people. Sure, I get upset when people say offensive things and maybe I am wrong for not getting crazy-mad and speaking out because with people getting upset it may keep the rest of us in check so things don't get worse..I don't know. I just blog it or podcast it and let it go - at least that's what I try t do.

Yesterday I blogged about Mark Cuban and how he is so forward-thinking in sports. Now he is saying that he does not plan to buy the Dallas Mavericks NBA Championship Rings. he is going to do something else because it's time to take it "to the next level." What is the next level after those rings worth close to $20,000 each? Cars? WWF-like championship belts? "The next level" would mean more-valuable probably right? Houses? I am sure it will be good!

That's exactly how I remember high school

Yesterday I received my invitation to my high school reunion - thank you Judi, Terri and Kim! I went to high school in the same town where a  B-17 Flying Fortress crashed yesterday. Is that significant in anyway? I wonder if it's the same one that I was in at DeKalb Cornfest last year? Nobody got hurt which is a miracle. I will discover the significance and let you know what it is when it comes to me - maybe I'll have Tracy Morgan help me with that.

While we're on bad behavior Charlie Sheen is in talks of starring in a new sitcom in January. while I was typing that I tried to think..."what was it that Charlie Sheen did so bad again?" I honestly cannot remember why we don't like Charlie Sheen. I think we just remember that we don't like someone because we're not supposed to and then we forget why. I think that's okay because I may be forgiving (the act) but why am I not forgiving the guy? Hmmmmmm... (things that make me say that).

One last celebrity announcement that I would like to make.... Mr. Peanut has hired a stunt double and his name is Peanut Butter Doug. More information is forthcoming but I wanted you to be among the first to know. Why does Doug have a first name and the almond dude get a first name (Alejandro) but Mr. peanut is still just Mr. Peanut? He thinks he's so much better than us common nuts!

Alright, I am way behind my self-imposed schedule so I have to skedaddle. Have a fabulous day and stay out of Tracy Morgan / Charlie Sheen kinda trouble (whatever that was again). Thank you for moseying on by...I always like to talk to you. TTTT...MITM (mourning out)

I am going to end this with a favorite historical quote of mine by Martin Niemölle: 

First they came for the Jews
and I didn't speak out for I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists
and I didn't speak out for I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the communists
and I didn't speak out for I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for me
but there was no one left to speak out for me

TONY montana was CUBAN right? (coincidence or destiny)

Monday is here and seems like summer is over already. Fabio starts high school basketball camp today and and then tomorrow he is taking a summer class - World Geography. The school offered the incoming freshman the opportunity to take the class before they "officially" enter high school so that when school starts they will already be a class ahead. It seems like a great idea for students who are going to be playing sports or doing other extracurricular activities so they could have a study hall during school to lighten their loads up a little. Fabio has a lot of friends that will be in the class which helps. I am very glad that he agreed that this was a good idea.

Funnest owner since Steinbrenner

Today we also have to go over and help empty Cha Cha's Aunt Louise's apartment. Her memorial service is tomorrow. Louise, being the thoughtful person she was, planned all of the service and wanted the date put off so far after she died to allow people who were far away the time to get off of work and make travel plans to come if they wanted to. Even in death she is one of the most thoughtful and caring people I have ever known.

Another reason that it seems like summer is over, besides the autumn-like weather, is that last night was a big night for television I hear. Usually there's no big nights for television unless it's cold outside. I watched a little of the sixth game of the NBA Championship but I did not watch any of The Tony Awards. I was editing the two episodes of Dirty Laundry Podcast which are now available on iTunes and at Podomatic. Every time I think about or type Podomatic I think of this song. Recorded, edited and uploaded all in the same day - pretty soon we'll be live like the NBA and The Tonys. The Dallas Mavericks are the NBA champs. The Heat will have plenty more opportunities as most of their key players are young. Now maybe they'll let Mark Cuban buy the Mets. Look what he did for this Dallas franchise in a short period of time. Baseball needs a kick in the pants again now that they won't let the players juice themselves up and hit 700 foot homers anymore. Say what you want about steroids but they sure did make baseball funner to watch - that comes from a guy who calls baseball his favorite sport.

You should be pointing at me Hugh

I don't know much about Broadway or Harold Square but I may go to see the Tony-winner for best musical - The Book of Mormon. It was written and produced by Matt Stone and Trey Parker - the creators of South Park. I hear the musical is very funny and Cha Cha tells me that even though it pokes fun at The Church of Mormon the Mormons find it funny too. That's the key to all of satire and comedy I think; ribbing someone just enough that they think it's funny too without becoming offended. Sure, Hugh Jackman has time to go to the Tonys but he can't call me while he's in my town...I must have offended him somehow. You just made the list Neil Patrick Harris! (I don't really have a list and I really like NPH a lot).


I have to wrap up because Cha Cha has to make a recording for work and my typing won't cut it while she is recording. You can thank her for my brevity (not sarcasm). I will blog you tomorrow but make sure to listen to the podcasts - they really are good and educational this week. Whether you agree or not you will learn something. Thanks for taking the time to stop in...TTTT...MITM (off)