Even Funnel Clouds Love Parades!

It's not nice to ask Mother Nature for directions

Get us started Roz (wherever you are)
Happy weekend! The weekend started out Friday night for me. Last night was the Lincoln Highway Parade in downtown DeKalb. Cha Cha had me convinced that it was going to be a rinky-dink parade (why else would they let us in the parade right?). There were a lot of people lining the streets for this parade. We were number 30 in the parade line-up and I don't think we were even at the half-way point.

On the way there we got lost (not really) but Mother Nature lowered her finger to show us exactly where we were suppose to go. About an hour before we were to line-up for the parade The Lost Sock, The Found Sock (that's what Cha Cha named The Lost sock's wife, Kara, for the parade and I were driving into town from the East to get the vehicles ready for the parade. A funnel cloud reached down and appeared to be pointing right to Huntley Middle School which was the starting-point of the parade. I can see why so many people die during tornadoes. Everybody was outside taking pictures and here we were driving right toward it; I have very little fear of things like that because I figure I have to die of something and what a great story my family would have. What did grandpa Matt die of? Well, he was a moron and drove right into a tornado that he had seen for the past 20 miles. I guess you're still a grandpa if your grandchildren are born like ten years after you're dead right? Otherwise family trees would be impossible to decipher. I don't want to die of a boring heart-attack or something. Sorry for the poor quality of the photo but I was driving (storm-chasing more accurately).

I suppose this blog is going to be mainly about the parade since that's what I spent the last week preparing for. Next weekend's blog will be about ghosts and ghost hunting because that's what I am doing next weekend. I seem a lot more exciting than I am lately. Maybe I underestimate my excitement barometer.

I don't just talk diversity...I parade it proudly!

MisterYM (monsieur) and MADYM were nice enough to let us be in their humongous truck in the parade - they also manned (and womanned) it for us. My friend John (John Law for now) called out of the blue yesterday and asked how to get to the parade starting-point because he had a police specialty-car that he wanted to know if I would be interested in him bringing down for the parade after reading yesterday's blog about whoever wanted to be in the parade "come on down." Had I known Mother Nature was going to point the way I could have just said "just follow Mother Nature's long gray pointing finger." When I said "come on down" I didn't expect someone to "come on down" from way up near the Wisconsin border.  I gotta say I was flabbergasted that he did that for me. Thanks a lot John - it was really great and I am happy we got some time to talk before the parade too. The vehicle he brought, coupled with the monsterish truck we already had for the parade, made for what I am sure was the most diverse vehicular display in the parade. He and his friend/co-worker Brian (who is now named "Brian the Fuzz") came down SPECIFICALLY for Dirty Laundry! Rounding-out the Dirty Laundry team was The Lost Sock, who manned the music you could barely hear because I had a crappy boom box that was drowned out by the monster truck's exhaust and the police car in front of it (which was with us) and the country band behind it, The Found Sock who helped me hand out candy and cards on the other side of the street and their daughter who should have some kind of a sock name (Sock Monkey - who doesn't like sock monkeys?) Cha Cha was there too but she conveniently got some glass in her foot and had to ride in the back of the truck - well played Cha Cha.

It was a lot of fun and I think all involved had fun too.I still cannot get over how many people were watching this parade. I am not gonna blog any "I told you so's" but we ran out of candy because I was told we had too much already. Okay - maybe that was sort of an "I told you so." MADYM cracked me up saying "why would you listen to someone who has never been in a parade" when gauging the amount of supplies. I guess that's a good point; I have been in literally hundreds of parades so i guess I should have gone by my own instincts.
I know this blog is getting long (TWSS) and I will try to wrap it up but it's hard (TWSS) because I have a lot more to say about the parade. Cha Cha and The Lost Sock had never been in parades before so I am honored and proud that this blog and the Dirty Laundry Podcast could make a few MIDDLEaged childrens' dreams come true. We are already planning the next parade - seriously. This was mostly MisterYM's idea but he has a truck (a low-boy if you know what that is) and we are probably going to build a mini-studio on the back of the truck. An actual working mobile Kajunkles Studio and we will record a podcast while we are in the parade. I hope it is more exciting than all of the stupid commentary you usually see on the televised parades. We would have a real guest and everything like a regular show. I bet we'd be able to get a celebrity-ish type person for that one.

Since when is a crappy blog and a MTL (Matt The Loser) podcast a crime?

Sorry for my length today (you know) but I figure this is the weekend edition and I won't do a blog tomorrow because we will be doing the Dirty laundry Podcast (as heard and seen in the Lincoln Highway Parade). Thank you to all of the people I mentioned above for all of their help and being a part of the parade. I have plenty more photos and I will be posting them on my The Facebook right after this and after I get something to drink and take me vitamins (say that last part with a British accent in your mind please). I am dehydrated because I literally ran most of the parade because I kept getting left behind trying to wrangle podcast listeners. My most common response was "what's a podcast?" - now I have one more thing to teach this town.

Another huge thank you to everybody who came out and saw us in the parade (it was great to see you Greg and Shirley- thanks for coming way out West) and the people mentioned early in this blog for being part of the K-Team (Kajunkles Team) for the parade. It's nice to have great friends who know how to have a good time. I mean do we know how to party? This was a parade! TTTM...MITM (out to post The Facebook photos) TTFN!

The Great and Powerful Blog!

Now, that's a blog of a different color!

Oh I love a parade Parades don't seem to be as popular as I thought they were. Tonight (7:00PM) is when Dirty Laundry Podcast will be in the Lincoln Highway Parade in downtown DeKalb. It all started with a dream of a young girl (Cha Cha) and the fact that she'd never been in a parade. Dirty Laundry is about making dreams come true (at least trying) even if those dreams turn into nightmares. There's still PLENTY of room with us to hand out candy at the parade if you have never been in a parade and it's on your bucket list too. What else are you doing tonight?

With the summer movie season in full-swing right now I have discussed my disappointment with movie remakes here lately. I should also talk about some of the movies that I am excited about. Rise of the Planet of the Apes looks good; it does build on the Planet of the Apes films but it is not a remake it is a prequel - I think I like prequels. I also heard that they are going to be making a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. I wonder if that's gonna be Wicked or if that's how Dorothy came to live with Uncle Henry and Aunt Em? Either way it's not just another version of The Wizard of Oz. Maybe it's the one that they talked about several years ago that's supposed to be about how the wizard became the wizard (Oz: The Great and Powerful)? Wasn't Robert Downey Jr. supposed to be the wizard in that one? I bet he's grown too great and powerful (and expensive) to be the wizard now. I bet it will be a commentary on how the city of Oz was in turmoil, much like our country is now, and The Wizard turned things around for them. What a great time to make a film like that. It will be like our Grapes of Wrath I predict.

Yesterday while I was working-out I saw that there are two movies that I recently had to get the dvd's sent to me from Netflix that are now streaming on Netflix. I watched The Fighter again while I worked-out and I saw that The Man Who Knew Too Little was now streaming too. First, before I get into the rant that I know is coming, I love both of these movies and if they are streaming on your Netflix I would watch them both if you haven't seen them. Now comes the rant - Why did I have to get these dvds mailed to me and then a couple of weeks later they are both available for streaming? Netflix must make more money, somehow, by sending the dvd's through the mail. I could understand The Fighter being a coincidence because it is a pretty new film and maybe they wait for awhile before all of the hoopla dies down before they put films on the streaming option. But, The Man who Knew Too Little (starring Bill Murray) is from 1997 so it's not a new film; Fabio is from 1997 too and he's going into high school this year. I am curious if these two movies are streaming at your house too? Do each of our accounts have different streamings vs. dvd's based on our likes and dislikes? If you get time let me know if these two films are streaming at your house - maybe my movie preferences make recommendations for the whole company and I didn't even know it. I guess I should take my movie-watching duties a little more seriously.

Some just call it Matt In The Middle

I can't remember who it was (I think Burger King) is offering mini-burgers now too. Why is everybody offering mini-burgers? I am not complaining because it makes sense but back to non-original ideas. What is it with me and original ideas lately? I need to quit harping on remakes and do-overs and get an original idea too maybe - ironic. Maybe I am actually cheesed about that Jimmy Kimmel Live sketch about Captain Mexico (a rip-off of Dirty Laundry Podcast) more than I thought. Burger King has always blatantly stolen ideas from their competitors; particularly from McDonald's. They've even made fun of that fact in a series of commercials. I suppose it's the sincerest form of flattery to have someone steal from you? Why doesn't McDonald's, probably one of the most powerful companies in the world, do anything about it? Maybe that would just be free publicity for Burger King and then they'd start an ad campaign about how McDonald's is threatened by them? The burger-wars are much tougher and more thought-out than I knew.

I had better get moving. I am donating plasma this morning and I have a lot to do to get ready for this parade that you are going to come be in with us - Illinois Ghost Hunter Willy Adkins and Jay Cole (butterscotch with sprinkles) might be in the parade with us! After the parade we are going to be at Fatty's signing autographs (you call it eating dinner and drinking - I call it signing autographs) if you want to stop by. Our parade-mates MADYM and MisterYM (or, Monsieur as Cha Cha calls him) will be there too. I am in hopes that a couple of our past podcast guests (Jay Cole and Greg Weindorf will be with us also). See you tonight? TTTT...MITM (parading out).

Mine Eyes Have Seen... (not much it turns out)

The Lincoln Highway Parade is tomorrow night here in DeKalb at 7:00PM so it makes sense that it's raining here today. It's not too late to be part of the Dirty Laundry Podcast parade team! Let me know if you want to be part of the parade; we'd love to have you. Bring your kids - kids think being in a parade is cool. If you don't want to be in the parade just come out and watch the parade among the tens of people that will probably be watching the parade.

The Skype sketch I interviewed for for Jimmy Kimmel Live was on Tuesday night. It was kinda funny - I am not a sour grapes kinda guy (okay, sometimes I am but not this time for some reason). They also had a movie parody that I posted on The Facebook yesterday that seemed like a rip-off of something Cha Cha and I discussed on Dirty Laundry Podcast episode #17 I think a couple of weeks ago when we had our Musical Director Eric Solfisburg in the studio. We talked about what other countrys' Captain (a different country) would be like. JKL did a movie parody called Captain Mexico. The parody was pretty stupid  - I could have done so much better (maybe I was just saving the sour grapes to make this whine). Should I declare all-out war on Jimmy Kimmel Live? I love Jimmy Kimmel though. Crank Yankers was hilarious. The Man Show - hilarious. Sarah Silverman - hot and sexy and hilarious (he lost her though LOL). Maybe Kimmel thought I stole the whole Matt Damon thing awhile back in the blog and this is payback. Okay Kimmel, we're even but one more slip-up and I will send my muscle your way (The Lost Sock may not be so lost when he shows up at your doorstep with Brian and Sam and Jay and Joy). Don't mess with the MIDDLEwest! The next civil war goes east and west - north and south has been done. I guess the rappers have done the east coast / west coast thing too haven't they? Middle vs. west then (the east is on our side). Can you handle Chicago and New York? NO!

I won some cash on the Mega Millions when I checked my tickets yesterday. I just buy two tickets a week - one for Tuesday's drawing and one for Friday's drawing. I play the same numbers (1, 2, 12, 14, 22 and Mega #5). I won $2 about a month ago and this time I won $7. I matched three white balls - I am having a doctor look at that. I let it ride again with one ticket with those numbers and six quick picks; those numbers are gonna hit the big one sooner or later so jump on in - I would love to hear that you won it the same day I did; I'd be happier with less if you were the one sharing it winning with me.

Signing of the lease to move back in with Mother England

I hear a lot about the debt ceiling and the government possibly defaulting and I don't really know what they're talking about. I don't think I am simple-minded (if I am simple-minded would I really know?) I just think there are things in my world that I can control and federal government issues are out of my control so I never paid that close attention to them. I know many people will say that this is one of my sacred obligations. Fortunately I have Cha Cha to simplify these things when it comes down to crunch-time - I trust her 100% on everything! I am happy that there are people who do not believe the way I do and do pressure and follow the government; I really appreciate these people because I am just not well-informed enough to be one of them. I suppose I could be if it were something I was interested in but it isn't - That's what I have Cha Cha for; she is up on politics enough for both of us. She'll do the politics and I will do the sports and fixing stuff. From what I think I know about the whole thing is U.S.A. isn't able to pay their bills because they don't have any money. Welcome to the average American's plight over the past ten years or so mother country. So now we may default on our loans and we'll be repossessed by China (who we owe the most money to) or maybe have to return to Mother England and live in her basement until we can get back on our feet. This cannot make collection agencies and companies trying to collect from their customers in this country easy. Our country is supposed to be an example for us - not a very good example they are leading by right now. Most of their leading hasn't been very stellar over the past several years I would say.

I am angry about all of the remakes too Arnold!

I saw another clip for another lazy movie remake - Conan The Barbarian (not with the governator though). They don't even do us the common courtesy of lying to us and changing the name of the movie to pretend like it's something different. Whose putting out these films? Maybe the government is putting these movies out like a national garage sale and wants to get as many out as quickly as possible to make whatever they can make on all of the crap that's been sitting around in the basement for years. Hey, a national garage sale would be a really cool idea. I have had my eye on that Lincoln statue at the Lincoln Monument for several years now. Or one of Benjamin Franklin's quills or canes would be really cool. The Smithsonian has lots of things I'd be interested in.

I had better end now because the power just went off for about 30 seconds, a huge clap of thunder went off and it started pouring when I was adding stuff about the government. Now, no kidding, it's starting to pour rain again. Maybe there is something about the whole "big brother" thing (and now more thunder). But is it Hollywood or the government - or both (with Schwarzenegger)? I couldn't even make this stuff up. Have a wonderful day TTTT (maybe) MITM (out but hopefully still alive to blog again tomorrow).

Most Trendiest-Named Blog Ever!

They all float!

Now it's Wednesday!

Yesterday Kathy Boger posted the winners of class awards for our reunion on our reunion The Facebook page. 30 years ago I was runner-up for Most Humorous. It has taken me 30 years but I finally made it out of the runner-up column and won an award. I was voted Class Clown ("New Class Clown Since Geoff Gillette Couldn't Make the Reunion to Defend His Title," more specifically). I am very honored I think. I am not sure if Class Clown is a promotion or a demotion or just a lateral move but I am just happy to get rid of the "runner-up" part. How do you like them apples Jimmy Kimmel? Now I will have to go to every reunion to defend my title; that's okay because I had a great time (obviously, by my award).

Remember yesterday I told you about how I have been signing my debit card purchases with just an "X"? Yesterday Fabio and I went and saw Captain America: The First Avenger and afterward we stopped at the store because he needed some Axe shampoo and toothpaste and I needed dish soap and something to make for dinner. When we checked-out I let him scan all of the items, swipe the card and I even let him "sign" the "X" in the machine. No problem..."approved." Maybe next time, to further my field research, I will let him do the whole thing himself and wait nearby watching in case things get out of control and someone questions him. I don't know why I am doing this experimentation but sometimes a class clown just has to amuse himself too you know!

Please put on your 3D glasses for the remainder of the blog!

Captain America was pretty darn good. We saw it in 3D and man has 3D come a long way since I last saw a 3D movie - the effects were crazy good in 3D.  I would give Captain America 4 stars out of 5 I think but, just to be fair, Captain America was one of my favorite super heroes as a kid. I loved Batman (me and my buddy Mary Miller I just recently found out) and Iron Man too so I have been pretty happy with the crime fighter movies over the last ten years or so. Make sure you stay past the credits because there is a clip there too. We were the only two who stayed - have none of these other nerds been to a Marvel movie ever? There is ALWAYS a scene after the credits!

They showed some of the previews in 3D too. Immortals (looks good), Three Musketeers (looks good), The Amazing Spider Man (looks VERY familiar). They all looked better in 3D. Why can't Hollywood come up with original ideas? Three Musketeers has been done many times and the new Spider Man movie looks like identical to the Tobey Maguire one. Do they have to do all of the films over now just because a new dude is playing Spider Man? We will notice either way. Maybe they just want to redo it in 3D and this is a good time with the actor changing? I think Hollywood is looking for a way to charge us more to watch a movie so this is their new tactic. They will say that 3D costs more to produce and then, one day, we'll find out that it's actually cheaper. Not that Hollywood would lie.

It's funny to me how YouTube has become one of our major news sources. Every news show and talk show plays YouTube videos it seems. It's pretty smart of them to let us do most of the work for them I suppose but they still have commercials! I am not really into watching somebody's home movies that I don't even know. Yes, your pet pretending to talk or your baby talking to the toaster may be funny to you but we don't know your baby or your pet. This is the new version of America's Funniest Home Videos without the zany Bob Saget.

I seem a little cynical today don't I?

Can you guess what the hottest girl's baby name is through the first half of 2011? Of course, you knew the hottest girl baby name so far this year is Pippa! Mila is popular now too. How come nobody ever named their daughter Sigourney or Charo? I guess they're all better than Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette) or Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee) or Kal-el Coppola (Nick Cage). I would have thought he would have gone with Elvis.

Alright, I have rambled on long enough. I have lots to get done  so I had better get to it. Have a nice Humpday; it appears to be a little cooler here in my part of the MIDDLEwest so maybe I can mow the front yard without it turning brown today. TTTT...MITM (vapor)

More Real - Santa or Hollywood?

Everybody except MITM it seems!

For some reason I thought today was Wednesday. It's really Tuesday though, right?

As most of you have probably read on my The Facebook post I didn't make the cut at Jimmy Kimmel Live this time. I haven't seen the skit but it was supposed to be on last night. I DVR'd it so maybe I will take a break from writing this so I can talk about it here...I will be right back but I will copy the entire letter here right now so you can read what appears to be a form letter while I am gone:

Hi Matt,

Thank you so much for submitting yourself to be a part of Jimmy Kimmel Live! Unfortunately, you have not been selected to be on the show this time around. We had so many amazing and passionate fans submit themselves that we couldn't accept them all.

But hey, it's not all bad news!

We do these Skype segments all the time and would love to have you email us next time around. So, in the meantime, keep an eye on our facebook updates and tweets for your chance to be on the show.

Thank you so much for emailing. We really appreciate it! 

Best of luck!

JKL 

I took great joy in watching that LOL (licking on lollipop). I am sure a lot of the world saw the show in it's entirety if they recorded JKL but in Chicago something must have happened in the news to back-up programming last night (President Obama spoke didn't he?). An Oprah rerun ran through half of JKL. The skit I was supposed to be on had to do with the recent heat wave that was going on throughout the country last week. Maybe they actually canceled the sketch because the heat wave has kind of gone away for now. Maybe that's really the reason I didn't get selected because the sketch wasn't even done? Don't mess with me and my friends - we control the weather! That'll teach them to mess with MITM! If anybody in any part of the world, outside of the Chicagoland area, saw the show - did they do a heat wave Skype sketch last night? I have no ill feelings toward Jimmy or the show. In fact, I turned the tables on them and asked either Jimmy or the talent searcher to let me Skype them for our podcast. I am sure I will hear nothing but now that I know how to get ahold of them maybe I will write a Skype reverse-sketch and send it to them? At the very least it will give me more to podcast and blog about (this may all be a blessing in semi-disguise). When the world hands you lemons make Skype-aid! Mess with me and I will have President Obama (we're Illinois homies you Knowme) and the weather mess up your plans again - booooohaaaaahhhhhhh!

I have been pounding protein (TWSS) the last couple of days (mostly protein shakes) trying to get my protein-level back up so I could donate plasma today. I will know in about an hour if my plasma-level is worthy. 

Last night Cha Cha and I watched Due Date (Robert Downey Jr. & Zack Galifianakis) from the dvd that we received from Netflix in the mail yesterday. I will talk about Due Date in a later blog or maybe Chach and I will discuss it on the next podcast. We're trying to go through the dvd's that we have on our list quickly so we can just do the streaming option when they change their pricing structure in September. The reason I bring it up is that I got to thinking about them changing their pricing. I think it will help our environment. Many people will stop using the dvd mailing option and that will use less printed paper that we will all throw away to clog up our landfills. I further think it will eventually lead to Netflix streaming more films and maybe getting rid of the mailing option all together. 

The Lincoln Highway Parade that we are going to be in is only four days away. I had better get my Dirty Laundry in gear. MisterYM and MADYM have volunteered their HUGE truck with flames to be in the parade. It's very close to being a Monster Truck - I am not really sure what the actual qualifications are to be "monster" but if this one isn't a "monster" it's really, really close. If you want to be in the parade with us I get the details today and if you wanna be in the parade and can be here Friday evening you are invited to be one of our cast of characters. I said we'd have 15 people in our group and I think we have four right now.

I have to get ready to go get deplasmified - I will finish this when I get back and I am SURE I WILL HAVE A HIGH ENOUGH PROTEIN-LEVEL! I am back from donating plasma - my protein level was 6.6 (it was 5.7 on Friday) so I could help advance medical science.

Eight Men Out lied? Damn you again Hollywood

I stopped at the store before I donated plasma to get laundry detergent and trash bags and did something I have been doing lately. I used my debit card with the credit option and when the machine wanted me to enter my signature I just put an "X" on the signature line and hit enter. I have been doing this quite a bit lately at several different stores and it always takes it. I feel like "Shoeless Joe" Jackson when I sign my name that way. It bothers me that all of these machines let me do this. I guess the lesson is that if you lose your credit cards or debit cards you'd better report them immediately because you can get "X'd" pretty quickly. Try it...it will work I guarantee it! If it's over $100 I think some stores will still match your ID but that's okay because it's your card right?

I've got some cleaning, laundry...to do. I am going to clean out the fridge today too - that always sucks. Have a Sam Frantastic day. Let me know if you being in a parade is on your bucket list - it would be great to whittle down two bucket lists (yours and Cha Cha's) at the same time. TTTT...MITM (slowly fading out)

Have Blog Will Travel - Blogger for Hire!

Hit it Roz
I don't have much to say but that has never stopped me from talking so why would that stop me from bloggin'? Yesterday's blog was pretty popular as 75 people read it yesterday and 12 have already read it today. I am sure most of the people who read it were at the class reunion Saturday night. I think if I want to get lots of readers I will just start attending weddings and reunions and family picnics and blog about their celebrations and events. Don't you suppose the first person who walked up to a bride and groom and said, "let me come to your wedding and take a bunch of photos so you can remember it forever" was thought to be a lunatic? Maybe I can start an event blogging business. How cool would it be to get paid for what seems to come to me naturally? In addition, they would probably feed me and maybe I'd get groupies or something. I could even team up with the photographers to add the photos to the blog. For an extra fee I could do a podcast too. The guests at the event could be the podcast guests. "So, how do you know the bride and groom..." I think I may actually be onto something here (pp/tm/cr). Hire me before this business idea is copied and the big corporations ruin it and governments regulate it and make it so it's not affordable. I also could just become blogarazzi (patent pending/trademark/copyright) I imagine.

We recorded the podcast last night and it should be up sometime today. I'll let you know when it's ready.

Singer Amy Winehouse died over the weekend: police are calling her death "unexplained." I have to say when I heard her first hit Rehab I really didn't like it at all (2007?). I remember we were staying at a resort in Wisconsin, Lakelawn Resort, and after a long day of boating and fireworks (it was the Fourth of July) we went to our room and crashed with the television on. You leave everything on in a hotel all the time too, right? That song must have woke me up about every half hour as it must have been in "very heavy rotation" on MTV and VH1. It was long ago enough ago that they actually still played music on the music stations. Splenda and Cha Cha loved the song but I didn't get it. She became very popular very quickly but it seemed a lot of her popularity came from her deviant behavior. It is very sad that someone so young who so many thought was so talented died at such a young age (27). She's finally at peace now.

The Curse of 27 not smelling the roses?

     Supposedly there is a curse of 27 which I didn't know about until yesterday. Apparently there is a slew of famous entertainers that died when they were 27-years-old. I bet there could be a curse of most ages if you wanted to do the pointless research. Some of the people that have supposedly fallen to the curse of 27 are: Amy Winehouse (of course), Robert Johnson who Eric Clapton called "the most important blues man that ever lived" and was the man who was supposed to have sold his soul to the Devil at The Crossroads for musical talent, Janis Joplin, Curt Cobain of Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison of The Doors, Ronald "Pigpen" McKernan of The Grateful Dead, Brian Jones of The Rolling Stones... I don't know about Robert Johnson but all of these other people seem to have something that I can think of in common besides the fact that they died at 27; they all seem to have lived life a little faster than most of us (you know what I'm implying). I had always heard that Jim Morrison once said, "live fast and leave a good-looking corpse." I prefer to live a little slower and leave an old wrinkly prune some time down the road a piece. Maybe I just say that because I cannot afford to live life in the fast lane like these people and it's sour grapes that will turn into a baby prune some day (sour plums don't work so well).

I have lots of laundry to do (the regular kind and the podcast-editing kind) so I had better call this a wrap. I also have to workout today - it's been too long, almost a week, since I have worked-out. I think more people would work-out if they called it playing-out or having fun out. "Working" takes the fun out of a lot of things. Unless, of course, your work happened to be blogging for events! Have a great Day (I didn't even use the "M" word one time in this blog). Do you suppose that today's day of the week, the "M" word, was named for the moon because you'd have to be a lunatic to like this day? TTTT...MITM (gonna hang the laundry OUTside today) Ta!
Send em out with somethin' happy Roz

The Long-Awaited Class Reunion Blog (Part 1)

Class idiot please raise your hand! (photo stolen from Stacee)

I normally don't blog on Sunday's because of my normal Sunday obligation; I am usually getting ready for the podcast. This is a special occasion because of last night's class reunion. I am going to preface this blog by saying that Splenda just left to go to IKEA with one of her friends that I have known for six or seven years and when Cha Cha asked me who Splenda was going with I could not remember Emily's name. I am not hung-over because I think I only had seven margaritas in about a seven-hour span so it's not extra brain cells that I could not afford to lose lost. I was tired because of spending the last four days in the heat of the sweat-box (garage sale prep and sale) and I think I danced like a maniac, manic out on the floor most of the night so I worked off the alcohol I did have. I also didn't eat much. I had some cheesy tater tots and a few onion thingys and I guess that's it now that I think of it. Now that I think I have made as many excuses that I can think of right now...on with the blog.

I don't know why I felt I had to preface the blog because I don't think I will offend anyone because it was a great evening all around. Kim, Terri, Judi, Jana, Kathy and Christie... did most of the heavy lifting to put this event together and I don't think Donald Trump could have hired a team that could have done a better job (YOU'RE NOT FIRED!). As a lot of people mentioned last night some of the thanks has to go to Jesse Eisenberg Mark Zuckerberg for inventing The Facebook. The turn-out was fantastic. I don't know the numbers but I bet there were well over 60 former students at the reunion. I will guess 67 with +/- 5.

It's kind of funny because when Cha Cha and I arrived (incidentally, Kim and Tracy like "Sugar Momma" better than "Cha Cha" and I may call her that on this week's podcast just for snicks and to get a rise out of her) we kinda felt like celebrities because of the podcast and the blog. It's always funny for me to hear people call her Cha Cha (she loves it). This blog is gonna take forever to write today because all of the photos are starting to pour onto The Facebook and I keep stopping to see all of the pictures and comments. My buddy Stacee just posted one of me that makes me very sad (it's the photo up at the top there). Remember the blog from a couple of days ago when I wrote about how I looked like Johnny Depp in high school and I included a photo of my name tag? The name tag was great (thank you Christie) but with all of my dirty dancing I lost the name tag. Someone is out there impersonating me impersonating Johnny Depp now.

It's funny how thirty years changes everything - except for Phil Van Overmeiren. I still cannot figure out why he was offended when I told him he hasn't changed a bit. I would have understood if he were ugly but Phil's a great-looking guy. Diane Mooney hasn't changed either. Outside of those two  - everybody else has changed appearance-wise in some way. That is not to say that we weren't all recognizable but we have changed. My awards for least-changed Male and Female go to Phil and Diane. Congratulations you two for winning my first ever Ponce de Leon Award! I don't think I will be able to win that award from this reunion until the next one - let alone after 30 years. Brian Didier and Sam Allen didn't change much either and they are still both among my favorite people in the world.

I didn't get to see everyone at the reunion and, in hindsight, I wish I would have spent more time trying to talk to everyone. MADYM and MisterYM and our friends Jen, Sam and Keith were at Ballydoyle's too and if you know anything about me you know that I want to be all things to all people all the time so I tried to flutter around like a social disease butterfly. I feel like Steve Rubell sometimes. There are some people that I was friends with in high school that I tried to talk to that didn't seem too welcome to the idea - no Welcome Matt was placed for me so I fluttered-on. I imagine I did something back in my yute that was less than stellar and there is a thirty-year grudge or resentment or hatred or something. Que Sera Sera! I bet there were a lot of people that I would have liked to talk to that I didn't even know were there. A few people that I know weren't there that I missed not seeing were Geoff Gillette, Max Hill and Scott Simpson. I was also disappointed that Shawn Fessenden had a last-minute work emergency that made it so he couldn't make it. I was really thrilled, however, that Stacee Cummings and Sarah Behnke came because I know they, like me, had pondered the idea of not going. Not only were they both there but they both were at my very exclusive table which included: Stacee, Sarah, Diane (Mooney), Angie Dickinson Mickle and Mary Capet Miller, Stacee's soon-to-be Mr. Stacee (Craig) and Mary's husband (Dave) and Cha Cha, of course. Craig and Dave both seem like great guys so we were pretty-much the cool-kids table I think (never thought I'd be at that table). Tracy Perkins Clark came in and out at the table - she's a more effective social butterfly than me I think.

You didn't know I graduated with Sofia Loren and Jayne Mansfield did you?

I haven't had a chance to read the program we got last night but I did notice that "Sarah Benke" lost an "h" over the years (she used to be Behnke) and I better get my license changed to "Hesler" pretty quickly because more people call me that than call me Helser.

I am sure I did not do the fun and hard work and memories justice in this blog but maybe that's because of the White Castles on the way home. White Castle is not as good when you don't eat meat or you're not really drunk. Their fish sandwiches don't even have tartar sauce on them- bleech! The bottled water is good though. Cha Cha and I are probably going to wait and do the podcast until tonight because The Prairie State Film Festival is today and we want to watch I Hunt Ghosts at 4:40PM at the festival at The House Cafe. Come on out and watch it with us. There are plenty of movies at the festival. That'll give us one more thing to pod about and also give me a little more preparedness for the Tinker Swiss Haunted Tour and Investigation on August 6th (666th) with Stacee, Craig, Craig's brother and sister-in-law and Splenda (only eight total and we are six - gonna be fun)... Cha Cha isn't going because she likes her sleep too much. Our next couple of Dirty Laundry podcasts are gonna be smokin' hot with film festivals, class reunions, ghost hunting, parades...!

I will end this blog with what my friend Mark Kruger, who I still want to be on the podcast even more so after talking to him last night, just posted on his The Facebook page - "As you get older, you find out the inside is what really matters most." Nicely said Mark. TTTT...MITM (off to nap probably).

For Tonight - I Invented Post-Its!

Captain America & Human Torch together?  Hmmm

Rain on us Roz
Happy Saturday. It's about two hours from day two of garage sale fun and, of course, it's thundering and lightninging (is that a word?) out again. When the rain stopped yesterday we ended up doing pretty well. Splenda and Fabio made about $60 each and Cha Cha and I made about $20. Isn't that the way it works? We do all the work and they sell all of the stuff that we bought them over the years and they make the money. I would rather have it that way because for us it's just cleaning out some of our old stuff and for them it's about the money.

Johnny Storm's new movie hit the theaters yesterday. In case you don't know who Johnny Storm is - that's the real name of the Human Torch from The Fantastic Four. His new movie is called The First Avenger (or Captain America: The First Avenger in America). Confusing I know. What's Human Torch doing in the Captain America movie? Human Torch, apparently, IS Captain America. Chris Evans, who played Human Torch in all of the Fantastic Four movies, is now playing Captain America. He is now filming The Avengers which has been teased in every single Marvel superhero movie after the credits since I can remember: Hulk, Thor, Iron Man... what happens if The Fantastic Four are in one of The Avengers movies in the future? I just checked out The Avengers movie on IMDB and was happy to see that Lou Ferrigno is involved; he seems like a nice guy. What about John Steed and Emma Peel? Where do they fall into all of this? The superhero / crime-fighter world is such a different and confusing place it seems.

I heard a new ad from DirecTv that says new customers can get a free year of NFL Sunday Ticket when they become customers. We have had DirecTv for eight years or so - where's the customer appreciation? Just rub it in our faces that new customers are more important that the loyal ones you've had for years. Maybe they're giving it away free because there may not be an NFL season this year  due to the lockout but then they may as well pretend that they like their customers and take the gamble and say it's free for the 2011 season for all of their customers. Cha Cha also was looking at getting a new phone from our cell phone provider of quite a few years, T-Mobile. If you're a new customer you can get a free android phone but the best that she could find that she can get is a $100 piece of crap Smart Phone that will totally suck anyway. She cannot even get one of these androids to take her calls for her. Not very SMART T-Mobile! Why do we put up with this kind of stuff? I know it aggravates all of us but we just keep our traps shut because it's such a hassle to switch services on anything. I really am getting tired of being on the grid. Sometimes I wish I were Chuck Noland (that was Tom Hanks' character in Castaway so you don't have to Google it). Do you think if I were alone on an island I could still blog and podcast? I bet we'd get better podcast guests if I could fly them onto my secluded island studio but I suppose that defeats so may porpoises purposes. The internet signal may not be so good though huh?

I have so many mixed feelings about my class reunion tonight. I am excited to see these people that I haven't seen since before Cha Cha and I were married; she did go to my 5-year reunion with me though we weren't married yet (we've only been married 23 years). None of us are the same people so in a way it's like going to a party with a bunch of strangers. I am not the same person that I was in high school and neither are any of them I imagine. If they are the same then they shouldn't be in a bar because they're not old enough to be in a bar. I am excited to see them because we have all reconnected on The Facebook (Cha Cha got me starting saying it that way because it's funny and makes us sound like old farts or cool because that's how it started before Justin Timberlake suggested taking off the "the"). We will all have a great time and if it sucks Cha Cha and I will just head over to Hollywood Casino and play some blackjack - it's not even a block away. So, if I disappear, old friends, you'll know where to find me if I "forgot" to settle my bar tab. I guess it just comes down to being nervous - one of my greatest weaknesses (or maybe strengths) is that I over-think everything. I'm gonna tell them all that I invented Post-It's which were invented our senior year of high school (I should know - I invented them).

Do your best to stay dry and cool today. It'll probably be dry in our garage where there will be nobody garage-saleing (is that a word?) because it's raining. Like 40 days and 40 nights of no rain and our garage sale is when the rain starts - that figures LOL. I don't know if I will blog tomorrow because it will be post-reunion and we will record the podcast. Monday's blog should be action-packed. Enjoy your weekend and I'll see some of you tonight at Ballydoyle's (or, maybe all of you if you all come to Ballydoyle's). TTTM...MITM (out to sell no garages). TA!
Preview of tonight Roz

It's garage sale day. Of course we have lived in a desert without rain for what seems like forever but as soon as garage sale weekend arrived it looks like we have hit monsoon weekend. Come on out to the subdivision - I'm sure you'll be able to find plants and birds and rocks and things that you cannot live without. You know the old saying - one person's garbage is another person's garbage garage sale purchase. (I really am missing my calling as a marketing executive). I'm surprised that our government hasn't figured out how to tax us for having garages sales. Like having to have a license or something.

I have not heard back from the people at Jimmy Kimmel Live yet. The sketch that I auditioned/interviewed for was not done last night so there is still hope. Tonight is a rerun so it's Monday or nothing. They told me that it would be Thursday (yesterday) or Monday so I still have a chance to look like a fool on national television. Why should my foolishness be limited to a podcast and a blog?

Yesterday I blogged that Steve Williams was fired by Tiger Woods. This morning I heard that Stevie is writing a book and it's going to include a chapter about Tiger's affair(s). Duh! Did I mention there are photos of Tiger's affair autographed by Tiger at our garage sale?  That's because there aren't but, there are a lot of clothes and toys and movies and book and golf clubs and a mo-ped.

Captain America opens in theaters today. I would really like to see that one. Coincidentally (maybe no coincidence) Comic-Con (comic - convention) opened in San Diego yesterday. I have never much gotten into comic books, mainly because they are small and I am big, but I think I would enjoy going to this convention. They all look like they are just doing what they like to do. It's like a nerd Grateful Dead concert. I imagine there would be quite a bit of cross-over there huh? I do like super heroes and seeing people dressed like their favorite comic character would be a lot of fun to me. It would be like Halloween indoors in perfect weather. I bet there are a lot of celebrities who go there dressed in costumes because nobody would know who they were. It's probably difficult for celebs to go out in public and just be silly and I suspect this convention was started by celebs so they could go out in public and be like everybody else. As long as everybody else lives in their parents' basement.

I took a break from the blog to open the garage sale and the Cha Cha took over so I could go donate plasma.  I sold $4 worth of stuff before I left - we're rich I tell 'ya rich! While I was gone Cha Cha sold a pair of glove for $1. I got over to donate plasma and my protein was too low (5.7) - I drink protein shakes every day! I must be protein-intolerant or something (is that a real thing? - no that's Coke). Also while I was gone the skies turned blacker than black and then opened up and the rain came down down down and washed away poor Cha Cha. It is starting to lighten up outside. Thank goodness. Now we may  get some of that humidity that we've been needing.

ZOINKS!

I guess I should go and try to fix our garage sale signs that were ravaged by the mini-storm in case we get to open up again. As I typed that a nice clap of thunder applauded me. I have a feeling I will be able to blog again tomorrow while I sit at the garage sale.                     
     Tomorrow night is my class reunion so I am sure I will have plenty to blog about after that. My friend Geoff in California wants me to blog a lot about the reunion because he is unable to make the date that was set. I imagine there will be plenty to blog and podcast about Geoff...have no fear. And then, next weekend Splenda and I are going ghost hunting at the Tinker Swiss Cottage with Illinois Ghost Hunter Willy Adkins who you probably remember from Dirty Laundry Podcast episodes 15 and 16. I am so excited because, in addition to Splenda, my high school friend Stacee and her very soon-to-be husband and two other of their friends are going to the ghost hunt. There are only eight people total and we are six - we're like our own Mystery. Inc.  Jinkees!

Have a nice Friday and if you're looking for some stuff you cannot live without come to our neighborhood for nearly 30 rainy garage sales. I bet the rain will make people more willing to bargain.
TTTT...MITM (moistly out).
Play something R-rated today Roz (I love this movie but kids...don't click that link)

I'm Pretty Hot - that's a Given!

looks like it's cooling off

Hit it Roz
Another "excess heat warning" is scheduled here for the MIDDLEwest today. It sure is nice that we can schedule these things and get them all out of the way at one time. It might be nice, however, to save a couple of them for the winter. Wouldn't it be great to wait until we get one of those four feet of snow days to be able to sprinkle an excessively hot day in to melt the snow? I heard on the radio yesterday while I was working in the garage for tomorrow's garage sale (I will call it the sweat box) that the heat index was 114 degrees. The news this morning said we could get upward of 115 again today.

I bet Steve Williams is happier to be out of the heat today. Stevie has been Tiger Woods' caddy for the past twelve years. He is a huge part of why Tiger has been the great golfer that he has been - winning 72 times plus 13 majors during that time. Yesterday Stevie was fired by Tiger. No reason for the firing has been given but Tiger has been injured and Williams has caddied for Adam Scott for the last couple of tournaments. I am sure we'll hear a lot more about this before it's all over; maybe it's just Tiger letting Stevie move on because Tiger knows something that nobody else knows about his future in golf.

We have always heard "what came first the chicken or the egg?" I have wondered lately, "which game first the dragon or the dragonfly?" There have been a lot of dragon fliers around Mattgarita Island recently and maybe they are just baby dragons. That would explain the excessive heat and the hot breezes (dragon's breath). Now we have to deal with dragons too? Ugh.

Thank you everyone for all of the nice wishes concerning my Facebooking about my interview for Jimmy Kimmel Live. It seems that some people think this is for a permanent position with the show. It was actually just a Skype (computer video/camera meeting) meeting just for the opportunity to be part of one sketch. Who knows what could come of it and I am always optimistic. I guess maybe I appreciate the small stuff with too much enthusiasm sometimes. I cannot say much more about it but I should know today or tomorrow if I am Kimmel-worthy. I think the meeting went very well and even if this doesn't come to fruition it probably just lit another fuse for me. It's pretty cool to know one sketch that is coming up before it does though. Of course, I am sure that this is all actually just the first step in me becoming the next member of the Handsome Men's Club (HMC).

Insert my photo here very soon!

Is the NFL gonna happen this season? I would like to know. I have $150 still owed to me from our last season of fantasy football and if we're not gonna play this year I am going to have to demand my cash. I was just going to use the dough for this year's entrance fee but $150 could but a lot of Moscato. I have already changed my name back to the name that won me the Super Bowl three seasons (soon to be four) ago. The last two years I have been the Philadelphia Hellfire Club but this season I plan to go back to the Boston Tea Bag Party. I would be open to other team name suggestions but nothing says fantasy football to me like Tea Bag Party.

I guess I have rambled enough today. I have been dealing the inevitable - walking into the dragon's den sweat box to continue to work on the garage sale. We've got some Richard Simmons VHS tapes if you've been looking for them? We're going to buy a bunch of cases of bottled water
and keep them in the refrigerator in the garage. I will bet you $5000 that we will sell more water than anything else if it's this hot again tomorrow. You'd be a sucker to take that bet because if you did I would just sell them for a penny each just to get your $5000. Try to stay cool today (like staying cool is a challenge for you - ha). TTTT (probably from the sweat box)...MITM (sweating like the oldie that he is).
Challenge to Roz - leave 'em with a song that combines my upcoming class reunion and the weather

Hit it Roz
I am pretty tired this morning. I stayed up very late last night expecting a phone call that I was promised that never came. I am not going to go into it much right now as I am an optimistic person and I am still going to assume that phone call will come and if I throw negative-energy into the situation it may not happen. I probably went into too much about it already and maybe that's part of the problem? One way or another I will have something to say about it in the next few days. Do you suppose I could be any more cryptic? It's not as big a deal as I am making it but it would be pretty cool just the same. Thank you to my friend Sarah for keeping me company while I sat in the waiting room (Kajunkles Studio).

Ring Dagnapit!

It's not even 6:00AM and I am already sweating in the air conditioned house - it's gonna be another scorcher in the MIDDLEwest. I went out very briefly last night at 10:00PM (no, I didn't miss the call because I had my phone with me) and as I hit the outside I felt my blood slightly simmering but that may have been from something rather than the heat (cryptic message number two). I heard that a section of Manheim Road in Chicago buckled yesterday because of the heat. There is a neighborhood garage sale tour that we are going to be part of this weekend and we have a lot of work to do to sell some of our crap (I should be in marketing); I guess waiting for the cool-down is not part of the plan any longer.

I took a pre-employment exam yesterday and I felt it went very well. They mail the results so I will have to wait to see how I did. They will not give the results over the phone (insert your own MITM waiting for the phone to ring joke here). One of the great things about this test is that if you are not pleased with your results you can retake it. The way the test works is once you take it you are ranked based on your results compared to others who are testing for the same position. If I don't get 100% I think I am going to retake it because if I retake it and get a lower score they still keep my higher score; it seems like a no-brainer (no pun intended). I would rather have my good karma tokens used for this rather than the aforementioned non-phone call (cryptic message number three).

Now that I am totally Skype-ready here in Kajunkles Studio I am wondering if it's possible to Skype someone (that doesn't sound right) uhhhh... Skype with someone (sounds more fun) I am wondering if I can be Skyping with the someone with the microphone and be recording for Dirty Laundry Podcast at the same time? It would probably make it easier to get guests from further away if we could do it that way (lemon drop martinis from lemons). It seems like it shouldn't work since I'd be using the same microphone to talk on the call as well as to record the conversation but I am always impressed what our technology can do these days. If it works I am going to call it E-Skyping Reality (patent/trademark/copyright). I just checked our podcast stats and we are ranked #7 in our category (society & culture / philosophy). That's our highest rank so far. Thank you for listening - we're still getting better and we'll figure it out sooner or later and hopefully be #1 one day.

That's for you Stacee!

Speaking of technology, I watched a movie on Netflix (I cannot believe I am still plugging Netflix) called Transcendent Man. It's a documentary about inventor and futurist Ray Kurzweil. This dude has got to be the smartest person in history (or maybe a nut though most of what he has predicted has already come true). It is not a fast-paced film (it is a documentary afterall) but I started watching it as background "music" and soon realized that he is the person I would most like to have on the podcast I think.


I have taken two Tums this morning and I am still having acid reflux. I have a problem with caffeine (so I guess it's good that I have never liked or needed coffee) and I had a Diet Mountain Dew yesterday because I was in the store, thirsty and not in the mood for water. I wonder if that's the issue? But it was so delicious. Should we really be putting something that color into our bodies anyway? I don't do it very often at all but my body is telling me that "even once was too much idiot!" I guess it's the same color as green grapes now that I think of it so maybe it's okay. Body says "it's not okay!"

I have taken enough of your time saying just about nothing today. I felt better saying it though so thank you for the session. If I don't say much about the on-going non-phone call it's because nothing happened and I am letting if fester until we record the podcast this weekend. I may have to hijack Cha Cha's Beef of the Week this week. Thank you, as always, for spending your time here; I really do appreciate it. H ave a great day and stay inside because it's hotter than the devil's arm pits on the fourth of July (I stole that but he deserved it). TTTT...MITM (acid genuflecting out). TA!

Is Sense Really That Common?

Don Juan DeMatto

You know how I told you that my high school class reunion is this coming weekend? Well, I didn't realize it until Christie, one of my classmates that is making our name tags, posted our name tags on our reunion Facebook page that I looked a great deal like Johnny Depp in my senior picture. I would have thought I would have had a lot more girlfriends in high school. Too bad Johnny Depp wasn't famous yet. He's older than me so I am cuter now probably. I wish I had listened to my parents and gone to that 21 Jump Street audition like they begged me to do. That's a lesson for you youngsters out there - listen to your parents because sometimes they know what they're talking about. I could be playing Tonto in the The Lone Ranger movie coming out next year. Did you know Johnny Depp is playing Tonto? WELL HE IS AND THAT SHOULD BE ME!!! Maybe he needs a stunt double.

Why do we cross our legs?  I have observed over the past couple of weeks that approximately 92.65% of people cross their legs. (Do you like how I said approximately and then gave such a specific phony-bologna percentage?) Crossing our legs is probably bad on our backs and our legs. I know I used to cross my legs more when I was fat to try to hide my gut; like it's easy to hide a baby gorilla behind a couple of pencils.

Cha Cha and I went to Ruby Tuesday last night while the kids were still at Great America. We picked Ruby Tuesday because they have a good salad bar. I was up getting my salad and they were out of onions...I have to have onions on my salad - it's the law. This dragon-breath doesn't make itself you know. I asked the lady by the front door about the onions and she said "we're out of onions." I wanted to go Gordon Ramsey on her butt. How in the world can any restaurant be out of onions? I am never even out of onions in my kitchen at home. Cha Cha wanted to order guacamole so I said I would share it with her. It was terrible. It was a little brown and tasted like bad avocados. The server came by and asked how everything was. I am not normally one to complain - I really, really, really don't like to complain. I hesitated and told him that the salad bar was out of onions and the guac tasted old. He said that the guacamole was made fresh and I said yes but they made it with old avocados. He substituted some shrimp fondue stuff which defeated the whole purpose of going there to get salad bar. FATTENING! I know it wasn't his fault so I still tipped 20% but I will not go back for awhile. The bartender told us that they were out of a lot of stuff because it is Monday. I loved her honesty and our server was very accommodating to try to make us happy. What are they going to do today now that it's Ruby Tuesday? I guess only go to this restaurant on Tuesdays. TGIF on Fridays. Applebee's on Johnny Appleseed's birthday.

After we ate we stopped off and got a couple of printer cartridges because both the color and the black were needed. What a scam the printer thing is. Once you put the cartridges into the printer it makes you print a "page alignment." It prints a whole bunch of bars of various colors. It seems to use so much ink that we probably already need new ink cartridges. Talk about creating your own business.

While I was taking a shower and listening to the radio the news guy was talking about the excessive heat we're supposed to have again today in the MIDDLEwest and said that we should all practice common sense when dealing with the heat. Is sense really that common? If it were why would he even have to tell us to use it? There are so many things that happen every day in this world that I know there is no such thing as common sense. I believe in a lot of things but I know that one is a myth. If sense were common we wouldn't need cross-walk signs.

I have so much more to write but I have to get ready for a pre-employment exam this morning. I will try to use common sense on the test but you probably already used your common sense and knew that so I should have used my common sense to know that and I probably didn't need to tell you. Have a great day and try to stay out of the heat if you can. Blog you tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out to make Johnny Depp envious)

J.Hell or J.Matt or MaLo? Celebrity Marketing is so Tough!

Look who wants to be a Dirty Laundry guest all of a sudden

Na Na NaNaNa Na, Na Na NaNaNa Na Monday, Monday feels like Hell to me. Mondays feel like Hell generally but now I heard Beelzebub is coming here today to the MIDDLEwest because he likes a warmer climate than he has at home. My kids went to Six Flags Great America today. I hope they're smart enough to stay on the water rides and drink lots of water all day. I gave all of the fatherly speeches so we'll see how they do. Cha Cha gave them the sunscreen speech and I gave the rest.

My buddy Judii just posted a tip for all of us on her Facebook page to keep the thermostats set to "fan" rather than on "auto" during this heat. This will keep the air flowing through the vents even when the air is not on to hopefully keep the house cooled enough so the air conditioner won't have to come on as often and/or work as hard. Also, you are all invited to come over here if you don't have air or it gets too hot where you are...I'll get some Moscato. The price of admission is that you'll probably be a guest on the Dirty Laundry Podcast while we drink. Oh, did I mention the new podcast is up now - just now, in fact!

In all this heat I am looking forward to working-out today. I work-out in the basement and it's always cool down there this time of year. Hmmm... I wonder if it's cool down there when I'm not down there? I guess that's something I can never know isn't it? You may say it's cool (but you're a dreamer) if you're down there and I'm not there but we probably have different definitions of cool (and I'm not the only one).

I don't want to preempt the podcast but I will anyway. I am now officially going to investigate the paranormal on August 6th in Rockford, Illinois at the Tinker Swiss Cottage with the Illinois Ghost Hunters as we discussed with guest Willy Adkins on episodes #15 and #16. There are still five openings if you're interested. I am looking for someone I know to go with me. Splenda is thinking about it but we'll see. If I see something paranormal and talk about it on the blog and on the podcast I want someone to be able to corroborate my stories. If I die I want someone to be able to podcast about how I died like Tony Montana or Obi-Wan Kenobi or Maximus Decimus Meridius or William Wallace (even if I die like a wuss - lie for me. I would lie for you).

Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin Nordegren is dating one of Tiger's ex-mistresses' ex-boyfriends. How do you score that if you're the official who-sleeps-with-who score keeper? I am going to talk to Cha Cha about us getting a divorce and her remarrying Marc Anthony and me marrying Jennifer Lopez since they are in splitsville.  They would be MarCha and we would be Sweet and Lo. Or maybe we'd be MaLo or J.Hel or J.Matt. I think it would be a great move for all of our careers. They would be able to be on our podcast because we would keep doing the podcast.  And we could be on their upcoming show Q-Viva!. They have said that they are going to do the pre-planned show even though they are getting divorced. The show is going to be filmed in South America so it will be nice to be in a cooler climate for awhile. Remember...I am a big fan of the nip-slip...my next future ex-wife, or my next future ex-wife after the current wife becomes my former ex-wife currently, is the queen of that move.

Try to stay warm today. Our podcast website is almost ready. If you want to see a preview (it's still a work in progress) you can click THIS LINK,  Cha Cha will probably kill me for letting that info out already but that'll be J.Lo's loss I guess. Remember it's a work in progress but I think it's great already. If it weren't for the whole getting us on Q-Viva! I would stay with Cha Cha over J.Lo but we have to grab this opportunity I think. TTTT...MITM (out to do some other writing, work-out, do laundry, clean the kitchen again and get ready for next weekend's garage sale - WOO-HOO!) TA!

The Weekend Media Blog

Happy weekend. I just finished working out, going to the bank, starting a load of laundry and now I shall blog before heading to Boiling High School. I really need to find the nail clippers. My fingernails are making it hard to perform typos on this keyboard. How do women text or type with long fingernails? Yet another concrete piece of evidence that they are the superior gender.

Yesterday we went to a MATTinee of Harry Potter Whatever Part 2. You know that I am not a Potter-head but this movie was really good. Even though I am not as big of a Harry Potter fan as all of the other three members of my house (Slytherin) I have seen all of the films and have liked three of them (#1, #3 and this one whichever number it is). You know how I feel about passion for anything (I am passionate about passion) and these people love their Harry Potter. There were people dressed like wizards and there was a lot of clapping and such during the movie.

Have you seen that PBS show Faces of America? It's a show hosted by the very pompous-seeming Henry C. Gates that traces the lineage/family tree of a celebrity. I heard that he had Kyra Sedgwick on the show (Kevin Bacon's wife) and she is distant cousins of Marilyn Monroe, Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon. That kind of thing would be cool to find out about yourself. She also found out that she may be less than one degree from Kevin Bacon. Apparently, she and her husband are 10th cousins once-removed. Now I want to see photos of their kids. Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt were 5th cousins once-removed too - who cares? I don't even have any idea how I would get to my 10th cousins or even my 5th cousins. Maybe Cha Cha is my 11th cousin once-removed with a half-gainer and a lime twist.

What-up Cuz!

Have you ever thought about running for politics? There is a town in North Carolina called Tar Heel where there are three commission seats open that nobody is running for. The position of Mayor is open too and nobody is running. The ballot left the names blank so people can write names in. I figure four of us move to Tar Heel, grab up these three commission seats (and you can be Mayor) and start making some big changes in this town of 117 people. We four would be almost 4% of the entire town's population. We already have 4% of the vote and we haven't even added our names to the ballot. The election isn't until Fall (I prefer to call it Autumn) so we have time to move on down. Come on...whose in? I'll drive. You could be our first mayor on the podcast.

You know that I am already cheesed that we have to pay for television now (cable, satellite...) and they still have the audacity to fill every hour with 25 minutes or so of commercials. The other night I was watching Batman Begins on AMC (that's an American Movie Classic already?). You know the little irritating letters in the bottom right-hand corner that appear on every station because we're too stupid to know which channel we're on without them? AMC, every once in a while, would blow the letters up to half the size of the screen to totally distract you from the movie to be like a three-year-old craving attention. Then it would shrink back down to the corner but it added a mini advertisement. So, now not only am I going to have to reevaluate Netflix's I have to decide if I want to keep being knocked over the head by advertisers. Speaking of that - have you heard the latest Dirty laundry Podcast free on iTunes and at that link I just added back there? Maybe that's different because you don't pay for this blog or that podcast but maybe I need to reexamine my advertising practices too.

Speaking of podcasts legendary Chicago broadcaster Steve Dahl has been doing a podcast for quite awhile (since 2009) since leaving conventional radio. He currently does a daily podcast that I have heard his show several times. Honestly, I think ours is better but my opinion may be a bit skewed - though I have heard the same thing for others (really). Beginning August 1st Dahl is going to begin charging a "subscription" rate of $9.95 per month to listen to his podcast. I could get Netflix streaming for $7.99 per month. I am listening to his podcast while I type this but I think my listening will probably end July 30th. I am not a regular listener but I listen from time to time - I am listening now because I am writing about it. I cannot recall if he has advertisers but If he does I will definitely put him in the same category with: cable, satellite television... According to Dahl he has 13,000 followers. That's about $130,000 per year for doing what we do for free though he does it daily and we only do it weekly. It will be interesting to see what happens. People freaked out when cable television started too but Ted Turner knew better and here we are paying for television. Satellite radio hasn't taken off like they had hoped. Are we at the precipice of another media change? This will be interesting.

Gotta shower so I don't smell at "Boiling" High School. I hope you have a great day. I still need to find those damned nail clippers because this typing is getting tough. Maybe I will see you at the Country Car Show in Elburn though their website doesn't have the hours on it (according to Cha Cha) so I don't know if they go on late enough? TTT?...MITM (to clip and buff)

Don't Take the Scenery for Granted - EVER!!!!!

Well I am awake again at 1:00AM but this time I blame myself. I was tired and last night at about 5:00PM Fabio was going to see Harry Potter Whatever 1 and  2  (9PM - 2AM) at the theater with friends and Cha Cha and Splenda were going out for dinner (they asked me to go but I actually said "no" to something) so I thought I would try to listen to my body for a change and maybe go to bed early. I took a Benadryl around 6PM and fell asleep like I was supposed to but now I am awake and I don't wanna take another Benadryl. I am turning into Elvis or Michael Jackson without the money or talent.

Cha Cha came home after dinner and came into the bedroom, woke me up and asked "what is this?" in a very accusatory manner. I had visions of a butcher knife and a garbage disposal as I opened my eyes (see yesterday's blog). I thought "what did I do or not do?" She threw some very odd items that I will not mention for reasons unclear to me on the bed. I have got to be dreaming right? What kind of weird Benadryl dream am I having? "I have no idea, but it looks like (what it actually was)." "I found them on the front porch," she said. Maybe someone lost a tooth and the tooth fairy was out of money...there is an economical crisis you know. When I logged on just a bit ago I saw a message from Jay Cole (you remember him from Dirty Laundry Podcast fame) saying that he left a present for me on the front chair (on the porch). Jay is the tooth fairy...that makes sense (not the fairy part but the caring and giving part - even though he probably doesn't want me to tell the secret that his heart is bigger than his trapezoids and biceps and pecs and glutes and whatever else is big). I remember yelling at the dog about barking while I was with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (asleep) and maybe that wasn't a dream after all. I love tangerine trees and marmalade skies...not to mention kaleidoscope eyes. I am going to try to go back to sleep for a couple of hours while Fabio watches Harry Potter Whatever part 2. It's 1:12 AM... I will be back to finish this in about 3-4 hours hours unless I cannot get back to sleep at which point I will finish it much earlier.

I will write about the baby bird if I wake up again (more like if I ever get back to sleep again) - just typed this so I would remember. Now it's 1:47 AM...hmmm I am going to try to sleep one more time.

Wow, it's 6:15 now. I was able to go back to sleep. I feel like a real boy. Oh yeah, the baby bird. While taking the garbage out last night I checked the nest of the bird that I put back in the tree and the nest is empty and no bird on the ground. I will call it another Bird Whisperer success story - still 100% on transplants/replants.

Rockford Boylan H.S.'s Mascot - Boiley

I just checked my emails and it is official...Netflix is raising their prices to $7.99 for just streaming and an additional $7.99 if we want the option to get a DVD mailed to you one-at-a-time. The changes start September 1st. I am for sure not going to pay for the DVD but I may stay with the streaming for $7.99 per month. I never really wanted that feature that much anyway but they convinced me to do it that way. Maybe they were trying to get me addicted to DVD's but that didn't work. Maybe they were thinking that $7.99 for streaming only wouldn't be that bad after I had paid $9.99 per month with the disk...there definitely was a premeditated master plan. I will let you know what I decide as I am sure you are on the edge of your seat with a big ol' bucket of popcorn.

I was excited to go to a car show tomorrow in Elburn but things may not work out that way because Fabio has another basketball tournament at Boiling Boylan High School in Rockford. Incidentally, based on last week's tournament there, I think they call it Boylan because you could "boil-an" egg on the basketball courts because it's hotter than Helser in that place. The car show is not the real reason I go to the show it's the people that are there. There are a lot of people from where I used to work with who go to this show and it's kind of like a mini reunion going to this car show. Most of us don't work there anymore but we go anyway, I think, just to see each other. There are several people there I don't like too but now I just laugh at them (mostly inside). Fabio's last game ends at about 3:00 but I think the car show may go much later which would be cooler anyway. We'll see. As long as I'm blogging about high schools and reunions...

Next weekend is my high school class reunion. I am friends with a lot of people from high school on Facebook and I am sorta looking forward to the reunion. The reason I say "sorta' is because I don't really know what to expect. I think the last class reunion I went to was 25 years ago. High school wasn't really a big deal to me - it was something I had to do so I droned through it like most of us did; I didn't hate it but I didn't like it (the scale was tipped a little more to the "hated it" side). I was just part of the scenery, like most of us are in high school. That's an awkward time in anybody's life. It's weird because as I write this I pause and try to think about high school to write something and, for the most part, I draw a blank. Maybe I blanked a lot of it out or perhaps I am just old and cannot remember too much. Where was I again? At the end of senior year I got a certificate for one of those silly awards so it turned out people knew me enough to make me a "runner up" which surprised me. Maybe only seven people voted and I got three of the votes and the winner got four? I think getting my big toe cut-off senior year probably made me more well-know - I wish I had done that freshman year so I could have been more than "runner-up." (just kidding out there youngsters...it's better to keep all of you phalanges than to win a meaningless award if you can) One thing about reunions that I already like better than high school is that they can be held in bars. Liquid courage would have helped high school a real lot. I never saw any of the High School Musical movies or Glee but I already know high school is more like Freaks and Geeks and Fast Time at Ridgemont High - at least it was in the late 70's - early 80's. It was like Hogwart's without the magic (had to do another Harrry Potter reference because Harry Potter Something 2 is out today. Fabio already saw it (at midnight) but he is sleeping because he got home at like 3AM so I cannot get his review yet).

"What are you...on dope?"

I suppose I should call it a wrap so I can go get ready to play human voodoo doll. Thankfully: Fabio's class is over, baseball ended last night and the summer high school basketball camp will be over after tomorrow at Boiling Boylan. Now Fabio gets to have about a month-and-a-half of summer vacation. So comes Six Flags Great America. I always look forward to that but this year I have been cut out of the equation - Splenda and her boyfriend are going to go and take Fabio and a friend with them. Cha Cha hates rides and heat so now my life is just like high school - I have become part of the scenery. Splenda goes back to college in exactly four weeks - I guess life is my roller coaster now huh?

Have a great day today and take time to enjoy the scenery - PLEASE ENJOY THE SCENERY!!!! I think I will be able to blog tomorrow because Fab's first game isn't until noon. TTTT...MITM ("runner up" out)