Matt in the Middle: From Zero to Liberal in No Time

Sunday, January 26, 2014

From Zero to Liberal in No Time

Last week at this time I was headed to Champaign on my Saturday. This week I have a cold, which is much better than it was yesterday thankfully, and it is my Tuesday. No wonder I am sick - time travel takes a lot more out of you that you might think. The MIDDLEwest is being pounded by some more bad weather. Last night I drove around in a blizzard all night long. No plows until 04:00. Tomorrow is supposed to be a high of -8 (that is minus eight degrees Fahrenheit). Wind chills, I am certain, will take us down to near 30 below zero again. Hopefully we will not get back to those near negative 50 temps. School districts in the area have already cancelled school for tomorrow. I am hoping that my work closes for another "Admin Closure" because, even though I will still have to work because we are "essential," I will get compensated 2 1/2 times; my regular pay plus 10.5 hours of "comp time." Time I can use for sick time or vacation time... just time off that I get paid for; sweet. Maybe the cold will start kicking in tonight and last through tomorrow night and I will get two days of bonus time. I like that they let me believe that I am "essential." I know that I am not "of the utmost importance" as Merriam-Webster refers to me but, it is a wonderful fiction.

I just increased our family expenditures by $17.99/month; I added HBO to our package. If you listened to our most recent Dirty Laundry Podcast you will know what show finally made me break-down and do this. I am sure that will not be enough to entice you to listen to the podcast if you already haven't but, it's worth a try; you could click that link right now and listen while you surf the interwebnetdeal. The show I am referring to isn't the only reason I added HBO. I also found that HBO is the only place I can watch Deadwood on demand (another spark that was re-lit by recording this week's show). I think Deadwood and Band of Brothers are two of the best series I have ever seen and, I have seen many more than the average bear. I have also added HBOGo to my phone so I can watch it: waiting for the doctor, on break at work, dropping a deuce (that means folding a bad hand while playing poker right?), lying in bed, waiting for podcasts to upload, at airports, on planes or trains, in line for any number of things, working on "Admin Closure" nights when nothing is going on....

Since I am one to waste my breath.... I am sure that gun regulations would have done nothing to save the lives of the two young adults who were working at the mall in Maryland yesterday right? I remember the days of working Saturdays at the mall watching the clock tick so you could go out Saturday night. I don't remember some 19-year-old asshole coming in and blowing my brains out though. Not that I would have remembered it had it happened I guess. This country, ironically, is turning into one giant city of Deadwood with thousands of Jack McCalls and Bob Fords running around. We always scoffed at all of the third-world countries with their bloodshed and now, we are becoming one of those countries. The world has to be laughing at us and our holier than thou attitudes of telling them how to live their lives just to find out that we wanted to be more like them all along it appears. We were jealous apparently. Go ahead and send me all of your messages about liberal this and bleeding-heart that and how the Constitution says I can kill my neighbor if he steels my pig or something. You are wrong and I am right! You will NEVER convince me that killing another human being just for sport or because you are bored or your mommy took your X-Box away from you or whatever B.S. reason you used to kill someone for no reason is okay. Oh yeah, I forgot, you are so brave and tough that you went and killed yourself at the end so that you didn't have to be somebody's "wife" in prison. Pussy! At least give me a gun and we'll step off 25 paces or something. Give me a chance. Instead you kill me while I am wearing a stupid ugly-colored Polo with a store logo and a badge that reads "My Name Is Matt In The Middle. How May I Help You?" You're gonna kill yourself anyway - coward!

Just give me a fighting chance, you coward!

I got so fired up that I wrote a few run-on sentences and dangled some participles... I don't even have it in me to proofread this (I seldom do anyway as I am sure you have noticed). I have to stop now and get some stuff done before work. Have a great rest of your weekend (maybe extended for many of you because of the pending weather). Thanks a lot for letting me rant. I know many of you agree with me and many of you do not and, that is okay. It is healthy, in fact. If you are gonna shoot me over it, however, please give me a fighting chance. Be warned - I am a pretty good aim for a bleeding-heart liberal. I always thought of myself as more of a moderate but, the insanity in recent months and years has made me swing much more to the left - my life now matches my golf swing.

TTTT (probably)...MITM (calming down now) TA!

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Matt In The Middle Blogssary

47% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 47 % estrogen
53% Rule - Matt in the Middle is 53% testosterone
Agitator (the) - Matt's podcast name (revealed in blog and podcast number 2
B. S. - blog stuff
Big Sexy - Jay Cole's drink of choice (Jack and Coke) - doesn't necessarily have to be Jack
Blogcast - our podcast (Dirty Laundry)
Bloggestion - now in Urban Dictionary meaning something suggested on a blog or taking a few minutes to understand (like suggested or digested)
Blogging Suit - like a NASCAR driver's racing suit with all of the sponsors patches
Blogssary - blog glossary
Blogisodes - episodes of this blog
BWAK - blogged with a kiss
Ca-Ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ka-ching
Cha Cha - revealed to be Sugar Momma's new name on premier podcast
Cheese & Quackers - our resident ducks. she is cheese and he is quackers
Ciaoloha - MITM's new mega-word "discovered" on Columbus Day 2011. It combines "hello," "goodbye," "love," "podcast" and "blog" into one happy little package!
Copyright - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
Dirty Laundry - our podcast/blogcast launched 4/1/11
Discomboobulated - a word Bret Michaels used on Celebrity Apprentice when he meant discombobulated though discomboobulated is an actual word
Fabio - the name my son preferred being called on the blog (the artist formerly known as Sparky)
Judii - the sister I never had but wish I did (my unofficial sister)
Ka-ching - the sound of the cash register as I try to gain sponsors that will never actually happen (I'm not really that delusional) - same as ca-ching
Kajunkles - used for people who don't know how to run correctly. Body parts moving against one another rather than together for the common goal of running (could be a noun, proper noun or a verb). Trying to accomplish something against seemingly impossible odds.
The Lost Sock - Cha Cha's brother (and my brother-in-law). One of the best people I have known in my life.
MADYM - One of my very good friends - Mary. She was given this name based on an acronym of her name by one of my other very good friends Stacee. Together they came up with the MITM theme song idea. She was also our maid of honor or matron of honor (I don't know the difference).
Middle - anything average or center (Middle of the country, Middle of life, average intelligence, a regular joe (or joan)...)
MITM - Matt In The Middle
Ms. Peabody - Maisy (our dog) because of Mr. Peabody
Nature Girl - Another very good friend- Sue. Given this name because of being a combination of Diane Fossey, Caroline Ingalls and Danielle Boone (lady Daniel)
Patent / Patent Pending - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
PFT - Plasma Fun Time - donating plasma - twice a week.
Roz - my pink/fuchsia i-pod nano. Named for Roz Kelly who played Pinky Tuscadero on tv's Happy Days. She goes with me everywhere to play my life's soundtrack and measure my steps with her pedometer.
Sparky - my son's blog pseudonym (see also Fabio)
Splenda - my daughter's blog pseudonym
Sponsorship Patch - when I mention a known product to try to get sponsorships and want to put a patch on my blogging suit
Stacee - a friend from high school that is a great inspiration to me continuously. The Cosmos keep bringing us back together electronically (MySpace, Facebook, Blog...) even though we haven't "seen" each other for nearly thirty years.
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheels theme song of MITM. Idea suggested by MADY and Stacee
Sugar Momma - my wife, Jill
Trademark - something that I think is clever and original that needs to be protected as original intellectual material (like it would really hold up in court)
TTTT - Ta Ta 'Til Tomorrow
TWSS - that's what she said
WTF - why the face?

Potato Soup

Ingredients Needed:
1 - 32 oz. box Vegetarian Vegetable Broth (I used Swanson's)
can substitute with chicken broth if you wish
1 - package of Country Gravy Mix (I used McCormick's)
okay to use sausage gravy mix if you wish
1 - 26 oz. package of frozen hash browns

Cook hash browns in a large pot. Cook potatoes until slightly browned stirring often so as not to burn the hash browns. While the hash browns are cooking prepare the country gravy mix as directed on package. Once the potatoes are done to your liking slowly pour the broth into the pot with the potatoes and reduce heat and simmer until hot. After the potatoes and broth are hot add the gravy mix and continue to simmer until thickened. Serve and eat.

** special note...I like it extra spicy so I add an extra package of county gravy mix to the finished mixture and whisk and heat.

Just like I always say - add whatever you want (peas, onions...) and make it your own. And, as always, ENJOY!

Sangria Wine Recipe (reposted from 4/22/10)

I also made Sangria yesterday to honor Earth's goodness (truthfully so I could get lit). I am not a wine drinker because most wines are too dry in my opinion and I am not a big fan of cotton-mouth. I liked the movie "Sideways" though so I want to like wine. I was watching Planet Green a couple of days ago while I was cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry like a real man and Emeril Lagasse was making paella on "Emeril Green". He also threw in, as an after-thought, Sangria so I hit the record button. Well he did it very fast and didn't say measurements or anything but he gave the basics so I came up with my own recipe and I think it turned out well though I made A LOT! Sugar Momma says I am a man of excess - isn't that what "man" means? Anyway, here's my Sangria recipe but I suggest you might want to cut the volume down unless you are having a small country over for dinner:

ingredients (I would suggest cutting the liquids in half)

3 liters of inexpensive Shiraz (Frontera Mendoza 2009)
1 cup of Grand Marnier
1 cup of brandy
1 cup of lime juice
3 limes
3 lemons
2 granny smith apples
2 large oranges
12 oz. sugar
33.8 oz sparkling water (Pellegrino)
64 oz. orange juice
ice

In a HUGE bowl slice the fruit and cover with sugar, mix. Add Shiraz and stir. Add ice to hold the fruit under while it drowns in the wine. Add Grand Marnier and brandy and stir. Add lime juice, orange juice and sparkling water and stir. Let sit for awhile so the tastes blend. Taste and add ingredients to taste (I added a little more lime juice and sugar). Find the biggest vessel you own for storage (mine is a pot like they used in those headhunter movies to cook people which is now sitting on our stove). Sweet and fruity just like me. Share with your friends/neighbors and your boss at review time.

Caprese Paninis

Ingredients you will need:

good loaf of bread (I used Italian bread)
mozzarella cheese
pesto sauce (I used jarred Classico brand - found by pastas)
fresh basil leaves
extra virgin olive oil
tomatoes

And here we go:
slice the bread and brush extra virgin olive oil on both sides of each slice. Clean and separate basil leaves. Slice tomatoes. Grate Cheese. Lightly grill one side of each slice of bread. Flip the bread when lightly toasted. After flipping the bread spread pesto on the toasted side and top with shredded cheese while the other side toasts. Once the second side is toasted and the cheese is starting to melt remove it from the

grill and top with two slices of tomato side-by-side and put a basil leaf on each tomato slice. Remove another slice of the toast with the pesto and cheese mixture from the grill and place it cheese/pesto side down on top of the tomato and basil'd toast to form a sandwich. (They could just as easily be done in a frying pan or on a George Foreman Grill...)

Done! Very simple and delicious!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

From Zero to Liberal in No Time

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