SUPERB OWL!

Can't get sued for that one, right?

Anybody who watches any number of the, so called, reality shows must know that they are at least 90% scripted. Fabio watches Pawn Stars so, I have seen many episodes in passing. In the most recent episode Chumlee and Big Hoss, two of the main characters, said they didn't want to work this Sunday because of "The Big Game." I know the people who own The Super Bowl name won't let people use their name but, who would call it "The Big Game" in private life like this is supposed to be? I think it's dumb that people can't use the name Super Bowl. We all know what they are talking about.

I think the Broncos are gonna win The Game That Shall Not Be Mentioned Sunday. Colorado (Denver) was the first state to legalize recreational marijuana  -Washington (Seattle) was a copycat.

Why can't we just agree on one New Year? There's our New Year (whatever that is officially called), there is: Chinese New Year, Cambodian New Year, Thai New Year, Islamic New Year, Jewish New Year, Burmese New Year... I could literally go on for about five minutes. Supposedly, today begins the Lunar New Year. This one is base on the Gregorian Calendar. No wonder nations cannot get along; the sun and the moon cannot even agree on something so simple. This may be why there is all of the talk that Christmas should really be in September. Maybe Jesus was really born in September BUT, maybe September is supposed to be where we think December is on our calendar?

Commercials coming?

We did not record the podcast last night. Cha Cha was feeling pretty sick. Maybe this afternoon? Maybe not. Life sure does get in the way of our hobbies doesn't it? It would be awesome if the podcast was our job one day. I am looking into a service whereby we could get paid for commercials on the show; that would at least cover our monthly costs for hosting the show; that's a start. I hate commercials but, I do understand why they exist. I would not have commercials on a premium service (one that the listeners/viewers paid for) though. That's why it drives me crazy that cable/satellite television has advertisements. The terrestrial networks on cable or satellite services having commercials makes sense because they are also still obtained through the airwaves the old fashioned way too. The ones that can only be received through satellite or cable means, however, make me matty batty; thank goodness for the digital video recorder (DVR). At this point I am only looking into ads; I would want to be able to choose spots of products I believe in. I would not advertise for things that I/we am/are against or poor products. I would rather just keep doing this as a hobby. I guess I am not the TOTAL whore that I thought I was.

Since this is my only FULL day off of the week my dance card is pretty full today. It kinda sucks that I really only have one day a week where all 24 hours of that day are my own. Thursday is my Saturday and I work the first six hours of that day. Then Saturday (my Monday) I go back to work even though I only really work for one hour and 59 minutes of that day (22:00 - 23:59). The rest of the hours of that shift fall into Sunday. I have never really been like everybody else in many ways so, it makes sense that I would be non-traditional this way too.

That being blogged, I should probably end here now. A nap today would be nice (though unlikely); I woke up in the MIDDLE of the night and couldn't get back to sleep for a couple of hours (probably a bad dream from a bad deed committed in a former life). Thanks a lot for stopping in. I probably won't blog again until Monday. Nobody will read this on Superb Owl Sunday anyway! Enjoy your weekend (provided you have a traditional weekend). TTTM...MITM (out) TA!

I Am the Worst Kind of Moron!

I am a moron. But, I think I am the worst kind of moron; I KNOW that I am a moron. Does that make me not a complete moron or does that make me beyond a complete moron? See, how moronic I am? Nobody can be beyond complete of anything - complete is complete.We all know morons who don't have the moron-awareness factor and, I envy them. I could deal with being an idiot if I didn't know I was one. Actually, that would be so liberating. I am not feeling sorry for myself. It sounds like that but, I am not. I guess the deadly sin that I am experiencing here is ENVY! I want to either be smarter, which, try as I might, cannot seem to happen or, I want to be a full-blown babbling idiot. It is my Saturday so, maybe I will just get drunk.

See, there's a bad thing about having Thursdays and Fridays off. It would have been great to go out and sit at a bar when I had Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. Mondays would have been good too when I had Sundays and Mondays off. I bet bars are a lot busier on Thirsty Thursdays and Fridays than on Mondays Tuesdays and/or Wednesdays. The good things still outweigh the bad with Thursdays and Fridays off. Tomorrow night we get to go out. We are going to Cha Cha's besties' house. She is one of my besties too but, it sounds creepy when a fella has a lady for a bestie. So, now I am creepy moron. Why is being a creeper so bad? I think I already have next Friday night planned too - I think one of my other besties (Dr. Weindorf) and I are going out next week. If you request an audience on a Friday please get your requests in as early as possible - address your requests to "kid in a candy store" courtesy of this blog or Dirty Laundry Podcast.

One person that makes me feel better about myself if Jeff Swanson. He is SOOOOOO much more of a moron than me. Don't worry, he will never see this and, if he did, he could not read it. Jeff is outside right now getting himself wrapped and tangled around trees for the fifth time in an hour. Jeff Swanson is our dog. He is a very nice chap but, though a Border Collie and, supposedly one of the smartest breeds of dogs, he is an idiot. Doesn't say much for the lesser dogs on the intelligence food-chain does it. We named him Jeff Swanson because, for no reason at all, I thought a dog named Jeff Swanson would be funny. Moron Rule #232 - "always entertain yourself first."

We are tentatively going to record Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight. However, my co-host has the cold/flu that I am just getting over now. That's why I wrote "tentatively;" She may not feel like doing the show. I would sincerely like to thank everyone who listens to the show and reads this blog. I look at the numbers for the podcast regularly and, I love that we are growing in listeners every week. It just amazes me at the number of countries that listen to us. Perhaps we make people feel better about themselves?

What a cool town!

I feel like going back to Canada. I will probably wait until winter is over though. It's not that bad of a drive to Toronto. Do the Blue Jays still play baseball? How come the Blue Jays' website is a dot com? Shouldn't it be a dot ca? What a coincidence - single game tickets go on sale tomorrow. The Cardinals are there June 6,7,8 (Friday, Saturday, Sunday). A Cardinals / Blue Jays game? That's for the birds. We took the kids to a Jays game when we visited when they were young. I bet they would appreciate it more now (maybe not the game but, Canada for sure). June 8th is Jose Reyes Bobblehead Day! When does the Raptors/NBA season end? April!

I have been writing this off-and-on for about five hours (okay maybe two). Have a great night. I will probably blog again tomorrow because I always seem to have some stupid things in my head trying to get out. Thanks for helping me get them out. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Winter Homelessness & Peeing

This would be me homeless!

I have a whole new respect for homeless people, vagrants, vagabonds, hobos, wanderers, tramps, drifters, transients, migrant workers... I have often thought that, if I ever became homeless and had to live on the street I would just start walking West or South. What else am I doing? Why would you live outside in a climate that turns fifty degrees below zero? Florida, California, Georgia, Arizona, New Mexico, Louisiana, Tennessee, either of the Carolinas... I can think of many other places I would rather sleep in a gutter than the MIDDLEwest. I would seriously make my way to Hawaii and live with my brother. I realize I could not want the entire way but, I would figure out the rest after walking to San Diego. If a moron like Dog The Bounty Hunter can live in Hawaii and seemly do so well I could be King of the Island. After I got off work at 06:00 it took me a good two hours to thaw out after being in the elements all night long.

Another thing that I noticed about cold weather is that peeing is a problem. It's not that the urine turns to ice cubes it is the clothes.The ladies are always jealous how we can pee in seconds even on a tree or at the side of the road but, cold weather is the great equalizer. Last night I was layered for warmth since I was outside in very frigid weather for about seven hours straight. I had on my regular boxer briefs, my compression shorts, long johns and uniform pants. Up top I had on a T-shirt, a compression shirt, a long-sleeve turtle neck, my uniform shirt, my uniform jacket with the winter lining inserted. Other than the jacket and lining they were all tucked in. It took about five minutes to starting the water flowing. Not to mention, with all of those clothes, there was not as good as a flow and there was stray spraying and such. What a nightmare. The another five minutes to get everything back to where it belongs. We really take for granted the quick spray and go sometimes.

Me at work last night - difficult to pee 

How come gas prices are staying exactly the same this time of year? Around the Christmas and New Years holidays fuel prices were a bit higher and fluctuated based on the typical driving days. Now, that nobody is driving so much, they have brought the prices down about five cents a gallon from then, and they remained EXACTLY the same price - no fluctuation. Soon the weather will break and they will raise the prices because we will be driving more (you'd think it would be the opposite - cheaper when we use more). They will also fluctuate the prices every day. I understand the whole supply and demand thing but, it would be awesome if we could figure out a way to turn the tables on them and gain some control. We are creatures of habit and it just makes it easy for the huge industries to run us lemmings off the cliffs.

I thought Michael Douglas was terrible in Behind the Candelabra. Why the Hell would they give him an Emmy for Best Actor for that role? Do they feel bad because Kathy Jones dumped him? I know they like to give Emmys to big movies stars whenever possible.Was it so he would mention Kirk Douglas on the broadcast? I have seen him in things that I have liked. He was a good as Gordon Gekko. I liked him in: The Sentinel, The American President, Fatal Attraction... He's got some game but, he doesn't really have GAYme.

Oh my goodness, it 18:00 already. I have to get to sleep before work. Happily tonight is my Friday but, I still need to sleep before work. I am sure I will blog again tomorrow. We will also record the podcast tomorrow night. I am hearing so many differing opinions about the most recent show. Some say they cannot hear it well and some are saying they liked the show. I listened again earlier today and I could hear the show fine. We will always continue to experiment with new things like recording at 75 miles per hour in a Fiat.

Thanks a lot for hanging out with me for awhile. I realize it's not too easy to hang out this time of year with all of the layers. TTTT...MITM (warmer tonight because I will be in a vehicle). TA!

Here's Frostbite!!!!!!

It will be fine - just needs to thaw out a bit

Last night was cold. What adjective can I use to describe how cold it was? It actually needs a new adjective; I will work on that. Most of the night I was in a vehicle training the new guy. One time I got out for about thirty seconds without my gloves on and my hands ached for about ten minutes. It felt like someone took a hammer and smashed every bone in my hands and then, on the open wounds from the hammer strikes, they poured a combination of: tomato juice, salt, molten lava, lemons and sulfuric acid. Tonight I am on foot patrol; I cannot wait. I may wear two pairs of long johns. "Two pairs" doesn't seem right but I think if it is more than one pair it should be "pairs" right? At least tonight is my Thursday.

I am still working on the time-warp of my days off changing again. I will just about get used to these days off and they will change again. The only way I will agree to changing would be for: Friday/Saturday. Saturday/Sunday or day time hours. It's nice to be up toward the top in seniority finally. Thank goodness for attrition.

I hope we can start recording the podcast on Thursdays so I get have the new show up on Fridays or Saturdays. We need to get back to come consistency so we can builds some more listeners.

I am sick of the word "blessed." And people call me a curmudgeon. I don't think people really call me that but they should. Do you know why? because I am a curmudgeon.A self-proclaimed curmudgeon. But, I feel blessed to be a curmudgeon.

Here's the Stephen King Channel...

I am not complaining, I will say in advance just before sounding like I am complaining, but... why do they play Stephen King movies continuously on television? I know with thousands of channels broadcasting 24/7 it probably is inevitable that a film based on one of his hundreds of books is probably playing somewhere. They should have a Stephen King channel. I bet Shawshank Redemption and/or The Green Mile are playing on a television someplace in the world at anytime, all the time. I like both of these films but, come on. There seriously could be a Stephen King Channel (SKC).

So, now there are reports of a school in Honolulu being on lock-down because of shots fired. This happened just three minutes ago. How can anybody be that stressed in Hawaii? There is stress everywhere though isn't there? There was also some kind of a shooting here in town reported in our local newspaper. Right behind the grocery store near our home. I don't know much about it yet but, I will. I got a guy...

I have to head out. There are a few things I have to brave out into the sub-zero tundra to get done. Then, come home to sleep again before I head into the Great White North / Frostbite Falls tonight. I appreciate you stopping in again. I have heard from another person that it was tough listening to the podcast recorded while on the road (literally, on the road). I heard it fine but, the masses (two people for far) have spoken. Too much background road noise it seems. That show did give me a new idea for a story that I may write. I have so many stories in my head but, I can never seem to make time to write any of them. Maybe, after tonight, while I am recovering from frostbite I will have time to write while I am recovering.

TTTT...MITM (our) brrrrrrrrrrrrrr. TA!

A-Hole Could Mean Ace (in the) Hole?

Before 2014 that is!!!!

Wow, last night was quite an adventure. I drove all night long in what felt like a weather research station in Vostok, Antarctica on July 21, 1983. The roads were covered in ice and snow. The wind was whipping all night long. In some places the drifts were two to three feet high. The cold wasn't that big a deal as the wind and the snow. Today and tomorrow are where the temperature will be more the issue. I am flattered that I am considered "essential" but... hopefully, they will "show us the money" like they did last month. I am not expecting it but, I would appreciate it. They don't actually "show us the money" they show us the comp time. I would rather have the comp time anyway. I know most of the people in the department would rather have the cash; I have always been a bit different. Comp time can be used for vacation days or extra sick days or any number of reasons to not work. I like work but, I am a firm believer that you have to have time away from work to remain a productive employee.

I am really hankering to play some poker. I used to host poker games all the time but, it is a huge ordeal and, I am kind of a dud now. It wouldn't be such a big deal normally but, I used to have 20 - 30 people over with several tables playing a No-Limit Texas Hold-em tournament. It was always a big hassle but, I really like to play cards and, it was a lot of fun. Maybe just five or six people playing dealer's choice would be fun too. Now that I am off Fridays I could go play some of those Chicago Poker Charities games again. I usually did pretty well at those tournaments too. I think Hollywood Casino has a poker room now and maybe the Grand Victoria in Elgin? I might even settle for Blackjack. I think there might be gambling in Las Vegas. I like Las Vegas. I relate to Vegas - neither one of us sleeps much, we both like a lot of bells and whistles, people like to spend time with us on a limited basis, a little of us goes a long way, we are both old but not completely unsexy ... Atlantic City is nice too but, it is not even close. A.C. (that's what the cool kids call it) has the ocean though(ocean vs. desert). Maybe I should see what Monte Carlo is all about.

Jeff looks the one straight across facing us

I think, even though I get out of the house every day, I am stir crazy. And, why is flaxseed bread so dense? It's like eating bread made out of Play-dough that was left out in the sun for a couple of days.

Cha Cha started to listen to the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast (the one we recorded while driving through central Illinois) and she says it's hard to hear what we are saying with all of the background road noise. I did not find it difficult to hear. She does have very poor hearing (seriously). I you have a hard time hearing the show I am sorry. It was an experimental thing and I, with any experiment, you are not really sure of the outcome. Remember, Columbus thought he was in India. I am not sure if that is the same but, without Columbus we wouldn't have Native Americans.

Even sitting here in the house writing this blog I can feel that it is getting colder outside.

I am still a bit stuffed-up but, I feel a lot better. Now, everybody else up in this hizzy is sick; all except Jeff - he's too big of an a-hole to get sick. In case you don't know, Jeff is our dog and, by the way, he is an a-hole. He's very nice but, an a-hole none-the-less. He probably gets that from me. I do need to teach him how to play poker. I am fairly certain he would chew the cards and then get shot because the others would think he was marking the cards when, in fact, he was just being an a-hole.

I am gonna sign-off. I have to start thinking about hibernation before work. Are the 30 below zero temperatures supposed to arrive tonight? Luckily, I am in a vehicle tonight and I am training a new guy. This will be his fourth night of training so, I will probably not have to do much. We'll see? I want to leave you with one more thing - people really do underestimate the power of rinsing their dishes after they are through with them. Have a great rest of your day and night. If you are in my neck of the MIDDLE make sure to stay warm. I think I will blog again tomorrow - unless I am frozen solid. TTTT...MITH (out).

From Zero to Liberal in No Time

Last week at this time I was headed to Champaign on my Saturday. This week I have a cold, which is much better than it was yesterday thankfully, and it is my Tuesday. No wonder I am sick - time travel takes a lot more out of you that you might think. The MIDDLEwest is being pounded by some more bad weather. Last night I drove around in a blizzard all night long. No plows until 04:00. Tomorrow is supposed to be a high of -8 (that is minus eight degrees Fahrenheit). Wind chills, I am certain, will take us down to near 30 below zero again. Hopefully we will not get back to those near negative 50 temps. School districts in the area have already cancelled school for tomorrow. I am hoping that my work closes for another "Admin Closure" because, even though I will still have to work because we are "essential," I will get compensated 2 1/2 times; my regular pay plus 10.5 hours of "comp time." Time I can use for sick time or vacation time... just time off that I get paid for; sweet. Maybe the cold will start kicking in tonight and last through tomorrow night and I will get two days of bonus time. I like that they let me believe that I am "essential." I know that I am not "of the utmost importance" as Merriam-Webster refers to me but, it is a wonderful fiction.

I just increased our family expenditures by $17.99/month; I added HBO to our package. If you listened to our most recent Dirty Laundry Podcast you will know what show finally made me break-down and do this. I am sure that will not be enough to entice you to listen to the podcast if you already haven't but, it's worth a try; you could click that link right now and listen while you surf the interwebnetdeal. The show I am referring to isn't the only reason I added HBO. I also found that HBO is the only place I can watch Deadwood on demand (another spark that was re-lit by recording this week's show). I think Deadwood and Band of Brothers are two of the best series I have ever seen and, I have seen many more than the average bear. I have also added HBOGo to my phone so I can watch it: waiting for the doctor, on break at work, dropping a deuce (that means folding a bad hand while playing poker right?), lying in bed, waiting for podcasts to upload, at airports, on planes or trains, in line for any number of things, working on "Admin Closure" nights when nothing is going on....

Since I am one to waste my breath.... I am sure that gun regulations would have done nothing to save the lives of the two young adults who were working at the mall in Maryland yesterday right? I remember the days of working Saturdays at the mall watching the clock tick so you could go out Saturday night. I don't remember some 19-year-old asshole coming in and blowing my brains out though. Not that I would have remembered it had it happened I guess. This country, ironically, is turning into one giant city of Deadwood with thousands of Jack McCalls and Bob Fords running around. We always scoffed at all of the third-world countries with their bloodshed and now, we are becoming one of those countries. The world has to be laughing at us and our holier than thou attitudes of telling them how to live their lives just to find out that we wanted to be more like them all along it appears. We were jealous apparently. Go ahead and send me all of your messages about liberal this and bleeding-heart that and how the Constitution says I can kill my neighbor if he steels my pig or something. You are wrong and I am right! You will NEVER convince me that killing another human being just for sport or because you are bored or your mommy took your X-Box away from you or whatever B.S. reason you used to kill someone for no reason is okay. Oh yeah, I forgot, you are so brave and tough that you went and killed yourself at the end so that you didn't have to be somebody's "wife" in prison. Pussy! At least give me a gun and we'll step off 25 paces or something. Give me a chance. Instead you kill me while I am wearing a stupid ugly-colored Polo with a store logo and a badge that reads "My Name Is Matt In The Middle. How May I Help You?" You're gonna kill yourself anyway - coward!

Just give me a fighting chance, you coward!

I got so fired up that I wrote a few run-on sentences and dangled some participles... I don't even have it in me to proofread this (I seldom do anyway as I am sure you have noticed). I have to stop now and get some stuff done before work. Have a great rest of your weekend (maybe extended for many of you because of the pending weather). Thanks a lot for letting me rant. I know many of you agree with me and many of you do not and, that is okay. It is healthy, in fact. If you are gonna shoot me over it, however, please give me a fighting chance. Be warned - I am a  pretty good aim for a bleeding-heart liberal. I always thought of myself as more of a moderate but, the insanity in recent months and years has made me swing much more to the left - my life now matches my golf swing.

TTTT (probably)...MITM (calming down now) TA!

Cough Cough Sneeze Cough

Ours have different expiration dates

The Bulls' game was a lot of fun. Too bad the Bullies got creamed (not a foreshadowing coffee reference). Fabio and I did see one victory each last night, however. We both had Cuppy Coffee in the Dunkin Donuts' Donut Race. Cuppy smoked by the bagel and the donut in the final turn of the race. Neither one of us drinks coffee so, Cha Cha get's two free medium cups.

The best $5 I spent all night was the extra fin I paid to get "easy exit" parking. It turned out that the spot we got was directly in front of the exit. I was Mattman and Fabio was the Boy Wonder. We got in the Mattmobile and atomic battery to power, turbines to speed, we drove forward and we were out of the gate before most people even got to their cars. When we got to the car there were two cars directly behind us. That meant that the dude right behind us was the ice cream in the ice cream sandwich. He could not get out until one of the chocolate sandwich patties (cake, cookie, chocolate bread... whatever they are) is gone. Turns out that he saved the $5 and had a great escape since we were the first ones out of the lot. We did not leave early, we just got lucky. We also didn't wait for the escalators - we took the stairs (the old fashioned way). They were only letting so many people on the escalators on at a time. Seems to really defeat the purpose of an escalator if you ask me.

The roads were pretty good until we got west of Aurora which is where our part of The MIDDLEwest lies. We saw lots of people in accidents, in ditches and smashed into concrete walls. I never went of 55 MPH even though the speed limit in 70 MPH since January 1st. They were probably still waiting for tow trucks or filling out police reports while we were already home. I drove home thinking WWCCD. Cuppy Coffee would have paced himself until he saw a safe opening and then crossed the finish line to victory. I owe you one Cuppy Coffee! I will never be able to repay you. because you are a fictional character who resembles a cup of coffee.

I have been sick for the last couple of days. It has been mostly a cough and a stuffed-up nose. On the way home from the game I stopped and got some Day-Quil Cough and ZZZ Quil. I realize they won't make me better but they did let me sleep without coughing through the night because we know proper rest and blah blah blah makes us feel better. It really is just time and time seems to go more quickly when we are passed-out. I just took more of them now. I don't have to work for thirteen hours so, maybe I will feel better by then. My ribs hurt from coughing. I cannot believe this blog hasn't had crabby undertones yet.

I think Haley Joel Osment is Patton Oswald's son. Or maybe he is David Arquette's son? It depends on the angle. Speaking of that - is there any part of Courtney Cox's face that is stock? Or, is the entire thing rebuilt from sheet metal and Bond-O?

I am getting sick of all of the social networking he said as he typed his blog and is about to mention that the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. Uh oh, here comes the crabby. Luckily the ZZZ Quil is kicking in and I am getting drowzyowzzzzzy, I am gonna end here with one eye shut. Have a great day. Sorry to the other 21,000 people that I exposed my cold to last night. Thanks a lot for stopping in. PLEASE be sure to listen to the podcast - this is the one that we recorded in the car while driving through a blizzard (spoiler alert). I think I was supposed to say spoiler alert before I wrote it wasn't I? Oooopsie.

I went from zero to crabby in two seconds. TA! (MITM Out) I may go have some Progresso Light Chicken Soup.

The Big Blog (The Super Blog would be copyright infringement)

Going to the Bulls' game is going to be so much fun tonight. I will be stuffed-up and coughing most of the time and then, when the game is over, I get to walk to the car in sub zero temperatures in THE WINDY CITY! Yes, I know what "the windy city" really means but, it really is the other kind of windy too in the winter. Then I will sit in a three mile-long parking lot before I get to the expressway in who knows what kind of weather. Jeff and I were just driving for about twenty minutes and I was excited to see that the outside temperature is not in the negative numbers. When we started on our expedition it was ONE DEGREE and, by the time we got home, it was down to ZERO! How come we pluralize zero when we mention it. Why is it zero degrees? The "s" indicates that it is more than one yet, zero is not more than one degree. Shouldn't it be zero degree? We do say "it's zero out" too don't we? I guess there are no degrees so it does make sense both ways.

I am a bit crabby because I am sick. I am a baby when I am sick. I am a baby most of the time but, it is worse when I am sick. The worst part, right now, is the stuffed-up nose. The cough and sore throat suck too but, the stuffed-up nose is the worst. Sure, as I blogged that I coughed and now I am reminded that the cough and the sore throat suck too (no pun intended). It all stinks (it may stink - I can't smell anything). I have had an ear ache for about a week so, I knew something was headed my way (no pun intended).

I was up late getting the podcast edited and I finally got the show uploaded this morning. Dirty Laundry Podcast - Load #141 Podcasters In Cars Drinking Water is up for your enjoyment. There is a lot of very valuable information on the week's show. I guarantee you will learn something or twice your money back (back to zero.... what is twice zero again?). No my formerly stuff-up nose is running. BRB - gotta get a tissue.

I hate having to set alarms on my days off. I had to get up this morning to take Fabio to school. He usually drives to school but, he has an orthodontist appointment and his school will not let them out without a parent or guardian picking them up (signing them out) unless they are 18-years-old. He just turned 17 two days ago so, he can leave without me picking him up in 363 days. I understand the logic behind that rule but, it shouldn't apply to me.

I found out how to get the podcast and the blog in the news... I have to get a DUI. Justin Bieber got a DUI and now he is all over the news. I guess you have to be famous before you get the DUI for this to work though huh? I am fairly certain that, if I got a DUI, I would lose my job. Then, without the famous thing to back me up, I guess I would pretty much be screwed. Okay, I have to come up with another way to make the podcast go to the next step. I could get a DUI while driving over Bieber; that would do it. The podcast and the blog would be instant sensations. I would probably also be a world hero for ridding the world of Bieber. And, I would have lots of extra time to blog and podcast from my jail cell. Man. I can only imagine the interesting guests I could find in the joint. Now I have a plan - and a runny nose again. BRB with a roll of toilet paper. Awesome, I found a box of tissues. Now I have chapped lips too from being a mouth-breather. I am a mess.

I probably should have waited to change my days off until after the Super Bowl Big Game. Damn it! It still baffles me that advertisers have to call it The Big Game. We all know what they are talking about so, why not let them promote it by using the actual name of "The Big Game?" Stupid.

I am going to try to get a few minutes of sleep before the orthodontist fun. I have to bust him out at 11:30. Getting the show up made it so I didn't get too many winks. I cannot wait until my weekends are actually Saturdays and Sunday. It will happen one day and it is getting closer all the time. They are adding more Monday - Friday day-time shifts too. I am optimistic and patient. Have a great day. Try to stay warm if you are in the MIDDLEwest (or anywhere else cold). TTTT (93%)... I cannot believe this is my Sunday already. weekends go so by so quickly. MITM (coughing and sniffling out) TA!

MuskMatt Love WIl Not Keep US Together

My goodness it is Saturday again. That reminds me, I have to change the days my alarm screams at me now that my nights off have changed. I will be right back. I am back. I am such a worrier that I set three different alarms. I cannot stand being late; it is one of the things I hate most in the world - being late. Since hitching my wagon to certain parties that will remain unnamed here in this blog I have had to deal with being late many times over the past 30 years but, I still am not happy when it happens. Maybe that's why I am so grumpy sometimes?

Right now I am starting this blog while I let the shower warm up. Why do I feel it is necessary that I take a shower before I go to get a haircut? They wash my hair anyway. They will wash it even if I go in with wet hair and say "I just washed it." Is it so, at the end of the haircut they can say, "the shampoo and conditioner I used on your hair today was Dr. Fartenmeiser Smells No More With Zero Tangles. It's on sale today for 30% off. Would you like me to add that to your bill or did you need detangler or nail polish or an undercarriage spray?" I just wanted a damn cheap haircut. Thata is why I chose your stupid shop. Quit trying to peddle your wares. I can get it much cheaper and any number of stores even with your supposed 30% discount.

It seems like just seventeen years and one day ago that Fabio was born. As part of the festivities to celebrate this monumental occasion and my new days off we are going to  see The Los Angeles Clippers lose to The Chicago Bulls tomorrow night. Last year we went to see The Lakers. What is it with us and watching these Los Angeles teams? Kinda fitting that we will see the Clippers the day after I get a haircut.

Sorry, I took a bit of a break there to go get a haircut and stop by Lowe's to get some building supplies. It is colder that Hell out there. What a dumb saying. Isn't everything supposed to be colder that Hell? I think inside of a volcano is even colder than Hell. Two nights ago I spent seven hours out in the cold and yesterday I started developing cold symptoms. I have: a sore throat, a stuffed-up and runny nose (yes, that is possible) and a headache. Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder - and a cough. I am around many people at work every night so, it makes sense that I would get sick from time to time. I just think these are cold-weather related things and nothing serious that will keep me down. Now I have ELO (Electric Light Orchestra) stuck in my head. Hey, that reminds me - I heard that Captain and Tennille (I always liked them - I especially have always liked his real name - Daryl Dragon. What a cool name. I would would have been Dragon and Tennille I think). Love, Love won't keep them together. No more Muskrat Love. Maybe one of them wants to Shop Around? Did you know she did some background singing on Pink Floyd's The Wall? He was a keyboard player for The Beach Boys? They were married for 39 years and he says he "doesn't know why she filed for divorce."

Love, love did no keep them together!

I am about 1/3 the way done editing Dirty Laundry Podcast (Podcasters In Cars Drinking Water). The sound is better than I expected but, recording while driving in the car in a blizzard doesn't sound as good as recording in the studio. Where do we go after recording in the car? I am thinking on a plane trip but, that would be weird to the other passengers. Being off tonight I am hoping to get the rest of the show edited and up tonight or in the morning.

Now it's been about three hours since I started writing this blog. I have to get the podcast done - it's 20:02 for crying out loud. If you're looking for us on television at the Bulls' game tomorrow night we will be in Section 301 Row 9; that means there is no way you will see us on television. We may even have a hard time seeing the game from way up there. Thank goodness for JumboTron or whatever it's called these days. We will get a good view of Benny The Bull when he comes flying around after being launched from the top of the stadium though.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. I will let you know when the podcast is ready. The best ways to find out the quickest are: subscribe to the podcast on Podomatic or iTunes, "like" Dirty Laundry Podcast on Facebook, follow me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter (Matt The Agitator). Follow., follow, follow, follow... Have a great rest of your night. I might blog during the tomorrow? I have to get some stuff done and Fabio has an orthodontist appointment plus the whole Bulls deal. It's a crap-shoot. TTTT or Saturday (which is now my Monday)... MITM (out of bounds) TA!

P B & J - the B is for Blog (James Blog)

Busy weekends go by so much faster than the slow weekends. Weekends spent out of town go even faster than busy weekends. This weekend flew by and today is back-to-work day. I have two Mondays this week - tonight and Saturday night. The good thing about two Mondays means that there has to be two weekends. My two day week starts tonight and then I get on my new schedule. I am not sure why I keep writing about this change of schedule. It may be because I am excited about having Thursdays and Fridays off starting this week or, it could be, so I remember and, have a place to go and check should I forget.

We recorded Dirty Laundry Podcast while driving home from Central Illinois last night. It started out difficult as we were in the tiny interior of the Fiat. We got used to it and, it got worse when we got North of Bloomington at around El Paso. The weather started getting rough the tiny Fiat was tossed if not for the courage of the podcast crew the podcast would be lost (I may have to put a clip of that song in the show this week). I have not listened to the recording quality of that recording yet but, we will probably play it regardless of how windy it sounds. We always try to keep it interesting and fresh with new ideas and, if this becomes a thing, we want to try to take credit as the pioneers who came up with the idea, I may start editing the show later today but I am thinking more likely I will start tomorrow and have the show up on Thursday (my new Saturday, in case I haven't mentioned it).

Maybe we are not so ground-breaking after all

I have a renewed love for peanut butter and jelly. Something so simple and, yet, so delicious. I prefer crunchy peanut butter. Given the choice I would go with reduced fat or fat-free peanut butter but, I have not seen crunchy peanut butter with reduced or no fat. I will deal with that in my mind by convincing myself that I will trade protein for fat.

I am considering cleaning-up my Facebook account again. Every now and then I go through and delete "friends" that are pains in the ass. I know that I have been deleted from people's lists because, in their eyes, I was a pain in the ass or not worthy... I don't take it personally. I know, to some, I am those things and more sometimes. Even to me I know that I am those things many times. There are people who just accept every friend request they receive so they can have lots and lots of VIRTUAL friends. I am more of a quality guy than a quantity guy. Should we choose our Facebook friends the same way we choose real-life friends? Mainly because we are like-minded? I like differing opinions and I like passion but, I don't like when people try to cram things down my throat. I still am not sure if I am cleaning house.

I think I am going to go and listen to see what kind of sound we made last night recording in the car. Good or bad I will, most likely, share it with you within a couple of days. It sounds like another big snow storm (stupid name media gives it later inserted here) is headed to parts of the United States. I hope it comes to the MIDDLEwest. I love listening to all of the whining about the weather. I really do like it. It's entertaining and, I am all about entertainment. Thanks for stopping-in. Stay warm - inside and out. TTTT...MITM (inside and OUT) TA!

Continental Blogfast

What is the deal with Continental Breakfast? Why is it called "Continental?" At what point is in no longer just a buffet and it becomes Continental? Does it mean that it has food just from North America?  No Swiss cheese? No Belgian waffles? I think Canadian bacon would be fine because Canada is on North America. I slept very well last night. I am not stuffed-up this morning as I usually am when I wake up. Is my house too dusty? Am I allergic to something in my home? Did the firmer MATTress open my nasal passages more? I had the temperature set at 70 degrees - is that the reason? There are so many variables in so many things. What is Martin Luther King Jr. was still alive? (where in the Hell did that one come from?) It is the anniversary of his birth today. He still would be considered a great man had he not died so young but, what is it about a violent young death that makes people greater? It happened that way with John Kennedy too (do you know which John Kennedy I am talking about if I leave off the F?).

As I woke up this morning and walked in the dark to the bathroom, as I do every day as a man in The Middle, I saw a piece of paper slid under my door. I just left it there and assume, because I am in a hotel, that it is the bill but, I have not even looked at it yet. What if it is a note from/about something or someone who could change my life for the better forever and I just left it lying there? Maybe opportunity knocked and I was asleep so opportunity just left a note for me to contact it? It seems odd that, with people being so weird about their privacy these days, they would still slide a piece of paper under your door that lists your name and home address on it - half of the note still exposed to anyone who could walk by in the hallway. Obviously, since mine still lies there, I am not one of those people. I am blogging myself into wanting to go get that note from the Cosmos but, I will fight that urge. Right now, right here, I do not want anything else so, I will leave that note lie there.

My mind really does seem clear this morning. I had forgotten how great this feels. I don't seem to have a care or worry in the World. I know those things that cause the worries are still out there but, for some strange reason, they are not worries right now. I like this feeling. Now I just need to figure out the combination. I did sleep for almost six hours straight - mighty unusual for me. I have not listened to the news, even in passing, for a couple of days and all they do is try to bum us out and scare us. It could be something as simple as the sheets I slept on last night have a higher or lower thread count whatever the Hell that means. I am sorry for all of the self-discovery and exploration today. That's probably why I started this blog about 956 blogs ago anyway so, maybe, I am getting back to my Matt In The Middle roots.

I am very excited about recording the podcast in the car for some reason. I like to try new things. I have driven many times and I have podcasted many times but, I have never tried them together. There is only one time that you can do things for the first time and today is the day for that thing. It could lead to good things and it could lead to bad things but, it is new and exciting for me at this moment in time.

I always wake up before everybody else n the road. I usually leave the room and go find something to do in the hotel or town I am in so as to not wake other people. Having my own room and snoring as loudly as I wanted to and not having to be quiet or keep the room dark is very liberating. I see why people beyond the MIDDLE have their own separate rooms as they get older. I live my life trying to be too courteous. Is this what they mean by living your life for others?

I am just writing about the same types of things over and over now so, I will start. I would usually head over to see what is going on in the world to spark blog ideas but I do not want to Bogart my blog. Have a great day (for the second time in less than twelve hours). Thanks a lot for reading my self-exploration today. Have a great day off if you are celebrating the life of a great man today. I am speaking of Martin Luther King, Jr., not me though I do appreciate the thought. TTTT...MITM (remember that if I die today and this is the last contact you have with me - I was/am in a great place). And, read this at my funeral because people might say I predicted my death or I was Nostradamus reincarnated or something. TA!

Vertical Travel In The Middle

It's odd how one's view of certain things change depending on circumstances. Most people love Saturdays. I love Saturdays right now because they are my Fridays but, I bet next week, when Saturday is my Monday, I may have a different take on Saturday.

Last week we had a free HBO/Cinemax weekend. I mistakenly started watching the series premiere of a new series on HBO (mistakenly because I don't have HBO regularly). What was I thinking? True Detective stars Woody Harelson and Matthew McConaughey; I like both of them a lot and the series really intrigues me. Turns out I am writing this blog from a Hilton and they have free HBO and, guess what is on right now? Yep - the second episode of True Detective. I am going to have either get HBO, wait for it to come out on DVD, Netflix or Crackle, forget all about it... or, stay in a hotel every Sunday. But, damn it, this is my last Sunday off - Thursdays and Fridays are my days off starting this week. Splenda said there is something called HBO Go. It looks like, if you have HBO, you can get this for your mobile device. I just found out what the B in HBO stands for - BOOBS! Now the decision is even harder.

We are in Champaign, IL right now. Splenda took the train up here and we drove down this morning. It's cheaper and easier for us to buy her train tickets and meet her half-way so we can see her. It does a heart and mind very good to see one's children when they don't see them on a regular basis; I know many of you know what I blog about. When I got  off work this morning we got in the car and hit the road. I made it to about El Paso before I got to the point that I could not stay awake any longer. We got off the road and switched drivers and I slept for about an hour on the road and woke-up when we were entering town. I am still tired but that hour of sleep helped quite a bit. I bet I snore really loud tonight though - that's why they got me my own room I guess. I was gonna share with Fabio but he decided to stay at home. Saves money of boarding Jeff I guess.

Tomorrow, on the way home, I think we are going to record the podcast. That is correct - we are going to actually record Dirty Laundry Podcast while in the car travelling half the vertical state of Illinois. Should be exciting. We will only record for an hour or so but, we will record while travelling an hour of the vertical state of Illinois. I need to make some notes tonight or tomorrow morning for the show; we didn't bring the studio board. I think we are going to be remodeling Kajunkles Studio soon. The Lost Sock is gonna help me make it more studioish. Actually, I will be helping him since I am a building trades moron. Maybe, if this recording in the car thing works out, we will no longer need a brick and mortar studio?

I have been sick off-and-on the last few weeks. Stuffed-up nose sometimes, runny nose other times, head ache, sneezing... I have had a sore throat but, now I realize that isn't a symptom. I remembered that I burned my uvula. I was making dinner one night and tasting the food for proper spicing... and some of the food (I think it was rice) stuck to my oral punching bag. I quickly got some liquid in there to extinguish the flames but the damage had already been done. It's like a house fire that was contained to the kitchen but, the kitchen still needs to heal!

I am pretty tired so, I am going to head to bed. I may blog again in the morning but, it his unlikely. The morning will bring Martin Luther King Junior's birthday. I will be getting paid to podcast (holiday pay); I am going to add PROFESSIONAL podcaster / recording artist to my resume'. I am better that Bieber and Cyrus in my opinion. Have a great MLKJ Day tomorrow. Thanks a lot for coming along on my road trip and I will let you know when the recorded part of the trip is ready for listening pleasure. If we die in a fiery crash the podcast will double as a in-flight voice recorder or something. TTTWEIBA (whenever I blog again)...MITM (out) TA!

It's Almost Black History Month! Excited!!!

And, here we go!

The next eight days should be pretty cool. I work two, I get two off, I work two, I get two off but, then it's back to the old five-two-five-two... deal. But, with Thursdays and Fridays off then - tonight is my last Friday to work (I hope I don't shot or something - that's what happens in movies sometimes). Even better, one of the those two I get off this coming week I still get paid for. I am thankful to/for Dr.Martin Luther King, Jr. for yet another thing. There is always a sad part of everything, however. I am so congested that, if I weren't such a strong virile man, I would cry. My left ear hurts tremendously from pressure that I feel like I am diving in 100 feet of water and my ear won't pop. My nose is congested and my throat is sore. I cannot be sick for MLK Day! Hey, why don't they change National Black History Month (also known as African-American History Month) to January? Did they just pick February because that's the shortest month of the year? Why is it February? Thanks Obama! I just checked Wikipedia and they say it's also celebrated in Canada and The United Kingdom too. That leads to new questions (you know how inquisitive and nosy I am)... In Canada are black people called African-Canadians? On the other side of the pond do the say African-U.K.ians? In The U.K. Black History Month is in October (31 days)! Hmmmmm. Canada shares February. Wow, I learned something...originally, in 1926, there was just a "Negro History Week." It was chosen for the second week of February because that was the week that both Abraham Lincoln and Fredrick Douglass were born. In 1976 it was expanded to the entire month.Thanks Gerald Ford! Sorry I blew up. Thanks Wikipedia (Sorry, Obama).

I love the Drunk History with these two great men

Who in the Hell is Billy Currington? Yesterday I blogged that professional wrestling is coming to my town. Now, this dude is come here in concert too. His photo looks like he's a country singer; I am not gonna check because, I really don't care who he is. I am not "a little bit country." If you like him, whoever he is, he is coming to my town in March and tickets go on sale January 27th. Even though I don't know who he is maybe I should try to get him on the podcast. I have found that having a podcast is a great way to make new friends; I have made friends of several people I never even knew before they were on the show.

I kinda wish this was next week because the I would be off tonight (I know I am broken record but, I am excited).There is talk of people going for pizza tonight and, as much as I want to go, that is right in the wheel-house of my pre-work sleep. The Lost Sock is gonna be there and I love that dude! For those of you who do not know - a vinyl "record" (also known as an LP or a 45) was a primitive way of listening to music. I still have plenty of them if you need confirmation that they exist(ed). If a record was broken it would either skip or not play at all.

It's getting cold up in this hizzy. Somebody turned the heat down to 61 and, baby, it's cold outside again so, in turn out, Baby, It's Cold Inside. Damn! I forgot to play our version of Baby, It's Cold Outside on Dirty Laundry Podcast again this week. I will make myself a virtual Sticky Note right now to remind myself to play it on this week's show. Anyway, I jacked the thermostat up and it should be toasty again soon.

I have to get a few things done before Hush-a-bye Mountain. Have a great night (it's your Friday though isn't it? so, duh). Thank you for giving me a reason to continuing to write. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out) TA!

Like a Ton of Feathers

I am not really in a blogging mood but, I said I would blog today so, here I blog. I thought about trying to get a few more conjunctions in that sentence but my whimsy is low today. I am stuffed-up again and I think I have an ear infection. I have to die of something and this is one of those romantic ways I have always thought would be a good way to go. I must be in a bad lunar cycle because, in addition to that, I fell on some African-American ice last night and my elbow is kinda sore today. I went down like a ton of bricks on my knee and elbow. It would be more fun to say "a ton of feathers" but bricks just sound harder even though a ton is a ton. I don't think it is anything and I had one witness to see me fall so, maybe I will mention it tonight just in case. I am not a person who litigates (I got a big toe cut-off at work when I was seventeen and didn't sue if that says anything) but, I don't want to get stuck with a bill because they didn't salt a parking lot either. My toe surgery was covered by my place of employment. I work in a "Public Safety" building that also houses a medical clinic - that is owned by the same "company" that I work for so, if it comes to it maybe they can just look at my old creaky bones and give me some awesome pain meds. I don't think it will come to that so, I will probably not even mention it anywhere but here right now.

Brian Posehn In The Matt In The Middle Middle

I am watching last week's The Big Bang Theory whilst I write this. Brian Posehn is on this episode. We almost had him on our podcast a couple of times. His people in Hollywood and I were talking about having him here in the studio but we couldn't make the schedules match-up. He comes to our town every couple of years; I am confident he will be here one of these years again soon. Are you impressed that I didn't link Dirty Laundry Podcast here? I figure you probably know about the show by now if you read the blog. I thought that was a good photo of Brian to put here; seeing that this is Matt In The Middle and he is one of the two people in the MIDDLE of that photo and all. He's the dude, not the chick. Is he trying to steal Sheldon's chick Blossom?

It's weird that I chose that photo because last night, after I fell and had worked for about six hours, I watched an episode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee with Patton Oswalt. I was on my lunch break at work so I watched the entire 19 minute episode on my phone. I still had eleven break minutes left - bonus! I watched it on Crackle.com (the APP) on my phone. It's kind of like Netflix but it has commercials. It's free to me and I know they have to make money somewhere to have the site up so... I imagine one day soon they will offer an option to pay for the service with limited or no commercials. I heard about the site on the best podcast in the history of hearing! Why do I call my phone "my phone" when I rarely use it as a phone?

I am making pork chops for dinner tonight. I don't eat pork but, I know the rest of the gang here likes chops. I regret that I didn't get applesauce because now I can't call them the Apple Sauce Dumpling Gang. That isn't schwell! Can you be a person in the MIDDLE and not think of applesauce when you think of pork chops? The only time I can is when I am at the store buying the pork chops apparently. After that, I remember the Hell out of it! I am pretty much a selfish bastard most of the time - I am male afterall - but this is proof that I am not THAT selfish. I eat apple sauce and don't eat pork chops but, did not get apple sauce. There may be hope for me after all.

This has nothing to do with anything but, I think Jack Nicholson is the worst fake laugher in film. He is a great actor but, cannot fake laugh worth a crap.

Tonight is my Wednesday. I may have to have a couple of shadows again tonight. Tuesday night I had two trainees and I may have two again tonight. I don't mind training but, given a choice, I would rather not. It cramps my style and slows me down, man. Just three days until my weekend and this will be my last Sunday-Monday weekend. Ironic given what day Monday is - "free at last, free at last, thank (blog) almighty I'm free at last." To commemorate my moving to Thursday-Friday weekends I will celebrate by being covered in Champaign (no, I spelled it correctly Spell-Check, you idiot).

Hey Josh from Drake & Josh is on this episode of The Big Bang Theory too. I'm showing my kids' ages aren't I?

I am gonna start dinner for these here guys. I know it's a bit early but, I usually try to sleep from 17:00-21:00. It usually ends-up being about 18:00-20:30 but, I continue to try. TTTT (probably)...MITM (cookin') TA!

From a Tuesday Point of View

I talked to my Sgt. last night and, it's official, beginning next week I will have Thursdays and Fridays off. It

Insert Tuesday here

doesn't take much to make me happy. I was initially only excited about having Thursday and Friday nights off because Thirsty and Friedday are good nights to go out. Then I realized - Thursdays and Fridays are two of our busiest nights; that's a bonus in a way. I am trading those for Sundays and Mondays which are two of our slowest. I like being busy at work so, I have mixed feelings.  Our busy days are more high-risk for many reasons too. Maybe my CFS's will go down but, it will be worth it. I cannot believe that, at the MIDDLEish of my life, I am excited about going out on Friday nights. I bet it was easier getting a table on Monday nights. The first week, next week, will be kinda cool; I am off this coming Sunday and Monday, I work Tuesday and Wednesday, and then have Thursday and Friday off. Everybody's working for the weekend from a Tuesday point of view. I think I just combined Loverboy and The Kings. I could have just thought, "nothing MATTers but the weekend" and left Loverboy out of it but, I didn't. I may have to download This Beat Goes On/Switching To Glide; I've always liked that song (songs). 

Now we have to juggle when we record Dirty Laundry Podcast again. We can still record Sundays I guess. Recording only takes an hour or so. It's the editing that takes all the time. That, however, can be broken-up and doesn't need to be done all at one time. Maybe with my new nights off I can do more exciting things to talk abut here and on the podcast?

Twelve ounces was like a shot glass to Andre'

Jeff's an asshole. Just saying! I swear he could probably chew through Kevlar. 

I cannot believe that TNA Wrestling is coming to our town February 8th. It's called "The Road To Lockdown." TNA is an off-shoot of the WWE which used to be the WWF when I went to wrestling back in the day. We always knew it was fake but, it was fun. My buddy Bob's dad was the Vice President of the Illinois Boxing Commission back in the early 80's so we would get to sit right at the table ringside. I had some really cool encounters with Andre' The Giant and Bret "The Hitman" Hart. I wish I had the podcast back then. I am no longer interested in this stuff but, if one of the wrestlers from back in my day were there, I might consider going and seeing if I could get an interview. Now I am sad - I really liked Andre The Giant. I wish he could have been honest about his height though. He was only 7' tall - he wasn't 7'4" like Vince McMahon decided to market him at. Four inches is a lot in some exaggerations though aren't they? The 500 pounds was true though; proof that Hulk Hogan was on roids.

I have been writing this blog for over an hour so, I am gonna stop. I am always so distracted these days. Is it my age or is it all of the other distractions we have these days? I am always doing at least three things at a time. I think it's a combination of both age and all of the technology. We are slaves to technology instead of vise-versa. Thanks a lot for reading in five minutes what took me hours to write. I suppose it's not much different with watching a film or reading a book - months and years to complete and hours to watch/read. 

Have a great rest of today/tonight. I will most likely blog again tomorrow. TTTthen...MITM (out) TA!

We Are All Different (thank goodness)

I guess if we didn't have rules child labor would still exist

It's weird to think that I have to be back at work in about 39 hours. With the breaks that they make me take at work I only work 37 1/2 hours a week. How come I cannot work one-day-and-a-half straight and have the rest of the week off? I could easily do that and I gladly would do that. I would even do it without breaks if they let me. I wish they realized that people are all different and we had some flexibility in our society. There were a bunch of lazy people in our history who took advantage of the system that have ruined it for the rest of the responsible people after them. Is it just human nature to try to get something for nothing? Maybe it would be boring if we were all the same huh? I could go for some boring sometimes.

I don't know why I am so melancholy this morning. Maybe it's from the free HBO/Cinemax weekend. I didn't watch much but while I started writing this I turned on the Matt  Boob Tube and Phenomenon was on. There's a nice message in that film. I am a sap for that kind of stuff. Now that I blog about it - I am a sap about quite a few things. There are worse things to be than sappy I think.

I finally got the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast up last night. I usually try to add some clever statement about that here but, you know about the show by now and you either listen or you don't and like the show or you don't. I hope you listen and like it but, we are all different. That seems to be the theme for today's blog now that I put it into words. I guess I will title the blog now. The world would probably be really boring if we were all the same. Some people would like that and some people would not.

I saw the film American Hustle the other night; it was good. I like Christian Bale's work. He sure does commit to his craft. This is one dude that has a good work ethic. He will gain 50 pounds for a role or lose 50 pounds for a movie; whatever it takes. I didn't see the movie because he was in it but, that was a good thing. I do not generally choose films that way. Sometimes I do but, not generally. It's odd because I will decide NOT TO see a movie because of an actor but I will not decide to see a movie solely because a certain actor is in it - there are a few exceptions to that, of course. Maybe it would decide a tie-breaker if there were two films to choose from I suppose. There was an actor in the film that was a bit distracting to me. Jack Huston was in the movie. Every time he was on the screen I thought to myself, "self, is that the dude from Boardwalk Empire that plays Richard Harrow?" I have never seen his entire face before but, turns out, it was him.

Sorry, I just paid a couple of bills on-line. Why in the hell do I even have those FOREVER stamps?

I have not been feeling well lately. Maybe working outside in this fabulous MIDDLEwest weather has something to do with it huh? When I get done writing this I am going to lie on the couch with some NyQuil or something in my gullet. I am glad I have one more day off before work. I have to train somebody tomorrow night. I hope he/she isn't a douche.

I have blogged myself into wanting to lie down now. I hope I don't go blind. Have a great day and, thanks for being here. I hope you get a chance to check-out the podcast too. That one is easy - it can just be background noise. Let me climb in your ears. TTTT...MITM (out). TA!

Read At Your Own Risk!

Or your employer's risk sometimes

Boy, last night was a stressful night at work. Under normal conditions it probably would have been a slow night but every road in town was covered in ice - literally EVERY ROAD. It's just my luck that when it's colder than Lucifer's pube comb (trademark/copyright/patent pending) I am on foot patrol outside and when it's icy I get a vehicle. I ended up going 92.2 miles throughout the night at most of that was driving between 10 and 20 miles per hour. Every time that this happens, when I am on the way home in the morning, the plows are coming down the road three abreast. I am not exaggerating - EVERY TIME! I did see one salt truck out about 4:30 AM after the rest of the world decided to be asleep.

For the first time in New York Yankees' history they are saving money. They will save $25,000,000 because Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) has been suspended by Major League Baseball for the 2014 season. I cannot believe that a cheater is only suspended for one year. There are plenty of rule-abiding ballplayers that would love the play in the major leagues. A-Rod has been a fun player to watch over the years but, now that we KNOW he has been a cheater, it diminishes that for me. One day players will probably be able to use performance-enhancing drugs but, they aren't now. I say let's bring back the spitball.

I still have to finish editing the podcast. Life gets in the way of so many things. I could be working on that right now but, for some reason, I need to be in a special place mentally to do a proper job with the show. I have been so tired lately what with the shoveling finishing the room in the basement and work... I need to be sick so I can get some things done.

There is a free HBO/Cinemax weekend this weekend at our house. It may be at your house too? Check for free stuff!!!! Channels 501 - 517 here; we have DirecTv. I know they didn't do this for us; I don't really know why it is done from time to time but, I am sure it is more for their benefit. The Tudors was on a little bit ago. That is a really good show. Since it is basically a series (a soap opera back in the day) I didn't really know what was going on some of the time but, there was a lot of good sword play both literally and porno-talkally. There are some really good series on the premium channels but, they will all be on Netflix or Hulu or YouTube one day and I guess I can wait. I did go through the entire weekend on the channels and set up the DVR for shows that looked good.

Well, it's dinner time and then I have to try to sleep before work. Last night I was unable to sleep and that probably made the ice-driving more stressful. Have a great night. TTT?.....MITM (out) TA!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I just got home from work and boy are my wings tired. It was so much warmer last night than it has been the previous part of the week. They are talking that temperatures today may be near 40 degrees ABOVE zero, That is a 88 degree temperature increase since Monday (if you count the windchill). The windchill pretty much makes it so you have to count it. 

At the end of shift this morning I was asked if I'd like to have Thursdays and Fridays as my "weekend." Currently I have Sundays and Mondays off. It would be nice to have Friday nights off. Saturday and Sunday or maybe even Friday and Saturday would be better but, it's far better than the Tuesday/Wednesday weekend I had for about a year. Baby steps. People at work are dropping like flies. There has been a day shift added and, eventually, I may actually get to work days. I just need more spots to open-up or more people to leave. I wish job performance meant more than seniority because most of these people are useless; lucky for them we are Union. 

Today I plan on getting the podcast finished. It's mostly done and I have to sleep first. I'll let you know when that happens.I am actually so tired that I cannot blog any longer. I will knock hit you up later one way or another. Have a great day; I'll be dreaming about you. TTT later...MITM (zzzzzzzzzzz) TA! 

I AM ALIVE - unlike the WiFi most of the time

I just learned something that I did not know. That is not a rarity but, this is one that I should have known apparently. I guess we have assigned seats in the living room or family room or whatever this room where the television is is called. I need to learn that too. I was in the wrong seat I guess. I have been put in my place - literally.

Season 3 of The Ricky Gervais Show is on YouTube.  I am not sure if watching it there is okay or not.  If this is a pirate thing I would feel bad about watching it. We have watched episodes 1 - 3 so far. I gave a cord now that allows me to watch what is on my computer on the TV. It works great for Netflix. 

So, tomorrow it is going to be something like -50 degrees Fahrenheit with windchill. Public schools have already been closed for tomorrow.  How come last year we heard things like Snownageddeon and Snowpocolypse but I have not heard any of those marketing catch phrases for this yet? This is suspected to be the coldest day in recorded history.

Those last three were written about three or four days ago but I was not able to publish because of WiFi problems here. All of the stuff we do up in this hizzy is wireless. Does weather impact WiFi? I imagine that it does since those little signals are floating in the air. For some reason it seems to be working well now so I am going to blog while the WiFi is hot.

Last night and the night before I have been on foot patrol at work. Even though it is not -48 degrees with windchill any longer it still was very cold walking around in subzero temps for seven hours a night the last two. Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually my walking nights but, we have had one person quit, one on vacation and two others sick this week so, I got bumped down. My feet hurt. Add to that the fact that I have been adding a room to the basement and my back hurts and I have a sliver in my thumb that I cannot seem to dig out and, I feel like I an getting sick; I am a mess. It's foot patrol again tonight. Maybe later this week someone else may get bumped because I am sick. I am tired of working sick when nobody else does. What does it get me? With seniority ruling everything at my job the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I have to say that I am glad I worked Tuesday because everybody worked got like 2 1/2 times pay because of our place of employment being closed but we having to work because "safety never sleeps." I put that in quotation marks because it is my saying for 2014 so far.

I was editing the newest Dirty Laundry Podcast yesterday and I got frustrated with the WiFi issues so, I am about 2/3 done. I will probably have the show up tomorrow - just in time to record a new show. If I didn't know that so many people listened to the show around the world I would say that it was more trouble than it is worth. I don't know where that saying came from - the show isn't "worth" anything. That is if we are talking cash worth. I do enjoy doing the show and, there is worth in that.

I pretty much just wanted to finish this blog so you know I am still alive (for now). Have a great rest of your day and, take it for a moron who walks out in the cold 2/5+ of his work life, stay inside where it's warm. I will let you know when the new show is ready. Thanks for being a good friend. TTTT?...MITM (out) TA!

Call Me Matty Chapstick!

Work outside last night was fun. By the time I headed home this morning the thermometer temperature had risen to minus six degrees Fahrenheit. I would say "cold as balls" but I have never understood that saying. One of my co-workers got frostbite last night - allegedly! I say allegedly because I do not know the details and just know that this person went home early and the scuttlebutt is that it was frostbite. The first day back from a two-week break and one person supposedly called-in sick and another one gets supposed frostbite a couple of hours into shift. Maybe me deciding to work the entire two week break may have made it easier for me to stay strong with the elements or, maybe I am just not a... I stopped myself there. I have so many adjectives and nouns that are going through my fingers but, I have learned how to make them stop before they get to the tips and push the keys.

I am watching the film The World's End from my fine friends at Redbox. It is so cool to work on Dirty Laundry Podcast. The podcast and the blog allow me to see all of these movies for only $1.20 each. Oh, the perks of being a world-wide celebrity in my mind. I love Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's films. There was a preview before the film started for Machete Kills. Those films have not really been my Cup-O-Soup (ka-ching). The preview showed one of the stars of the film and said, "...introducing Carlos Estevez..." Boy, he sure looked a lot like Charlie Sheen. Hey, isn't Charlie Sheen's brother Emilio Estevez? And Charlie Sheen's dad is Martin Sheen whose real name is Ramon Antonio Gerard Estevez? So, Charlie Sheen is trying to resurrect his career by no longer being Charlie Sheen? He decided to use his real name - Carlos Irwin Estevez. (smart to leave out the Irwin). It would be smarter to take some acting lessons. Robert Downey Jr. just manned-up after all of his craziness and just kept pushing-forward as RDJ. Now he's Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes.  Hey, Martin Freeman is in this film too. He is Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit and Tim from The Office. (Yes, I wrote Tim, not Jim). I like him a great deal too.

"Not one of their best films," Matt In The Middle

Yesterday the podcast had 89 downloads, 36 plays, 23 embeds and 142 visits. I am pretty happy with these numbers. We are growing and many of you have been in since the beginning and I truly appreciate you. A lot of the recent growth of the show, I think, has to do with our interview of Holocaust survivor Magda Brown (load #137). The biggest recent growth has been in: Germany, France, Israel, Poland, Hungary and The Netherlands (makes sense given the topic I suppose). The US and A always is and will be our biggest source of love though I think. It amazes me that we were heard in 58 countries in 2013. There are 196 countries in the world so, we still have lots of room for growth. I smell a Top Ten List coming on next week's show! Of course, I just stopped writing and I now have that list prepared because if I don't do it now I will forget to do it because I am another year older - thanks a lot 2014 and Obama!

I was listening to a weather reporter on the radio (incidentally, I still love AM radio for many reasons) on January 1st a bit after midnight and the dude said, "this is our first big snow storm of the year." The year was about two hours old. I am really glad that it wasn't the third biggest snow storm we had in the last two hours. He went on to say that there were a lot of people "tail-fishing." How can a guy reporting winter weather for WGN Radio in the Windy City on the lake that is known for terrtible winters not know that fish-tailing is not called tail-fishing? I think tail-fishing is what horny dudes do in bars isn't it? That will catch on - just mention the blog now and again when you use it please.

The winter already has reminded me about lip balm and hand lotion. While I was applying the clear lip stick to my supple lips the other night I thought, "self, why do our lips chap and our skin dry out? Is it for a reason? Are we ruining something our bodies do by artificially hydrating it? Maybe we are simply supposed to just drink more water or eat more snow (this is one place where I feel it is safe to say "white only" - snow)." Even my inner voice doesn't know when to shut-up.

Time to quit. I try to keep this short but, unlike genetics, this needs to be a choice. So, I choose to quit for now. I will probably blog again tomorrow. Thanks a lot for spending a portion of your new year with me. I wish you a great 2014! TTTT....MITM (chapped out) TA!

P. B. (post blog) - The World's End is not one of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's best films. I'd say "wait 'til it's on video: but, this was the video. Double TA!