A Blog Full of Piss and Vinegar

I just realized that I haven't blogged yet today.

I had my interview this morning and I think it went well though it was intimidating. I first sat in front of a panel of seven people and answered questions while being video-taped. Then I went to see the prospective boss and he talked to me. No I should know within a week whether I am hired or not. I guess time will tell. Then Cha Cha and I went and took the other car in for brakes...I wish I had stock in Motor Works as many times as I have had vehicles there over the last couple of months. I will be happy when we buy our brand new Fiat 500C convertible next week - a convertible just in time for winter. Then Cha Cha and I went to lunch at Olive Garden and went and bought her: new shoes, jewelry and accessories for our black-tie wedding this weekend. The we went to the bank to make a deposit and to the drug store to get my medicine now that the doctor lifted the hold on it after my extorted appointment was completed yesterday. I think that pretty much has you caught up as to my day thus far...oh yeah, I also stopped and got Fabio some new black sweat pants that he needed for gym class. What have you been up to today so far?

So, my hopes of a DEVIL Rays - Cardinals world series is still alive. Both teams won their wild card spots last night in dramatic fashion. The Boston Red Sox lost the most ground of any baseball team in history over the last month and the Atlanta Braves lost the second largest lead in MLB history - Maybe that just means that this the year of Satan (Devil Rays) vs. the Catholic Church (The Cardinals) - good vs. evil!
I guess some dude wrote a book telling how Walter Payton was on pain pills and he cheated on his wife... I have always been a huge Walter Payton fan and I still am many years after he quit playing football and has been dead. I am not surprised that he was on pain pills; the man took punishment every single week and he worked-out like a maniac. I would have been more surprised if he hadn't been on pain pills. As far as infidelity I certainly would not be surprised if that were true. I would be disappointed if I knew it were true but I am a fan of his training and of his football ability. I am not one of the people that are disillusioned-enough to think that professional athletes are above human temptation. I am a huge fan of Pete Rose's professional baseball career and personally I believe he should be the the Major League Baseball Hall-of-Fame. As a kid I was a big fan of O.J. Simpson on the football field and thought he was hilarious in the Naked Gun movies but I certainly am not a fan of many of his extra-curricular activities. We tend to place professional athletes and actors and music stars on higher pedestals when there were times when these jobs were seen as lower-class jobs. Enjoy their work but don't expect them to be better people than you or I. In fact, becasue of the latitude that we give them we should almost expect them to behave like the idiots that some of them act like sometimes. Bottom-line is that there is nothing to be gained by besmirching Walter Payton's name other than for financial gain. some or all of it may be true or it may be partially true or all fabricated but why does it matter now when he is gone?

YUM!!!!!!!!

I heard that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may be getting divorced. That was a rumor several years ago too, maybe not several years ago since they have only been married for six but some years ago, and they stayed together. I tend to agree with it this time because Two-and-a-Half-Men seems to have an ill-effect on people. Why is it any of our business anyway now that I think of it? Just like Walter Payton's non-football life - why is that our business? Why do we care? Thinks that make you say "hmmmmmm."

I will try to blog earlier tomorrow because I seem to blog with more piss-and-vinegar in the afternoon/evening. I never understood exactly what "piss and vinegar" meant but I always liked the way that it sounded. I know what they both are and I can see why if I was full of piss that would be bad but I tend to like vinegar especially like apple cider vinegar. Tomorrow I will blog full of vinegar but I will leave the piss out of it. Have a nice Thursnight and I will blog you again sometime tomorrow morning. Thanks a lot for letting me drain my vinegar - I always appreciate you. TTTT...MITM (pissed out).

Blog...James Blog (or Scarn if you prefer)

I have a few moments so now is a great time to blog. I went to the doctor 's appointment and he just asked a bunch of stupid questions and told me to go get some blood-work done just as a check-up which I will not do because I am fine. At first I was wondering what he was up to with the questions as they seemed to be implying things but I quickly surmised that he was just trying to make it look like he cares about me rather than seeing a huge dollar sign above my head. Sorry I am doing well Doc - see you in 2014! I think the last time I went to see him in January of 2010 he sent me to get blood-work done too and I didn't get it done and I am still here about 20 months later doing fine so my diagnosis is that I am fine and I need no blood work done. Aren't we supposed to listen to our bodies? Then I went and got a haircut so I am now fine inside and out. I have the job interview tomorrow morning for the last job that I will ever have and we are going to the "black tie optional" wedding this weekend and James Bond or Michael Scarn never had long hair so how am I supposed to look like a secret agent with a license to boogie and drink in my tux if I am not spit-shined and polished?

Before I forget the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and ready.

My St. Louis Cardinals are tied with the Atlanta Braves and the Boston Red Sox are tied with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for each major league wild-card races. Pretty exciting that today is the last day of the baseball season and there will be two play-off spots decided today; unless both teams in either division win or lose and then they will have to have a one game play-off. Who do you suppose complained to make the Tampa Bay Devil Rays become the Tampa Bay Rays? So, we can have the Redskins which may or may not offend some native Americans but we can not have Devil Rays because that may offend Satan? Or was the argument that it was a tribute to Beelzebub? A Devil Ray is a type of sea creature that has nothing to do with the fictional boogie man from Hades. Should devil-worshipers be offended by the Padres or the Cardinals for their religious connotations?  Go Cardinals and go DEVIL Rays! (That would be an ironic World Series - good vs. evil)

I haven't heard - did anyone win the satellite roulette game and get struck by space debris? One in 3200 odds were pretty good I thought yet I didn't here of anyone getting hit. Probably some harmless devil fish or shortfin devil ray or pygmy devil ray minding their own fishy business filing a defamation of character class-action suit got pelted in the MIDDLE of the ocean somewhere like being dishonored by the Tampa Bay MLB ball club wasn't enough!

I just realized that I blogged about Mickey Rooney a couple of days ago and I blogged about Andy Rooney last night. Didn't Mickey Rooney play Andy Hardy? And aren't Andy Rooney's eyebrows cartoon character-ish like Mickey Mouse?  Don't ask me...my fingers do most of my thinking (TWSS). I have never seen these two guys in the same place have you?

Have a great day and be happy that all of this precipitation in the MIDDLEwest  is just rain and not snow (YET). TTTT...MITM (out)

Collectors' Edition Evening Blog!

Are those caterpillars or movie screens?

I am blogging much later than usual because I was really busy today. I worked on getting the Dirty Laundry Podcast uploaded and I had some technical difficulties so it took awhile. It is up now. I also donated plasma again today. Tomorrow I have to go to the doctor...he is holding my medicine ransom until I come and see him. I discovered that I am not ready to live without my blood pressure medicine. Contrary to popular belief doctors, mine at least, are in it for the money. I haven't seen him in over a year and I guess he misses me. Is it a coincidence that I have not been sick that entire time? I am then going over to my parents' house and then Thursday I have my big job interview of my next and last job of my life.

I heard that Andy Rooney is leaving 60 Minutes; how will they go on? He seems like a nice enough man and I know he has paid his dues but with those caterpillar eye brows it's time to go. I cannot even listen to anything he says because I keep waiting for those two white caterpillars that live above his eyes to have a death-match battle royale!

In case you were sitting on the edge of your seat - my fantasy football team is now 3-0. I have a lot of injured players now so I need to make some moves and say many hail marys.

I just realized that I better dis-spell the rumors that I have been offered Ozzie Guillen's vacated Chicago White Sox manager position. I have not been OFFERED the position but remember that I do have a job interview on Thursday. I will not say if the interview is or is not with the White Sox but suffice it to say that I have many years experience as a baseball coach and baseball manager. I have also managed many fantasy football teams, one fantasy baseball team and a couple of fantasy golf teams. I have won many championships which makes for a nice resume. Realize, also, that the Chicago Cubs will most likely be looking for a new manager for next season. Ryne Sandberg will get one of the jobs and somebody else will get the other one. Incidentally, fantasy football is the only fantasy sport that I have played that is worth a damn.

I have so much to write about but I am listening to the latest podcast and everything I was going to blog about we podded about so I don't want to be redundant - I guess you'll have to listen to the podcast. I don't want to be redundant - I guess you'll have to listen to the podcast. I don't want to be redundant - I guess you'll have to listen to the podcast. I don't want to be redundant - I guess you'll have to listen to the podcast. I don't want to be redundant - I guess you'll have to listen to the podcast.(infinity)

I am starting to realize that I am a better morning blogger. I am definitely a morning person - always have been. I don't know what it is. Morning are usually quieter and the temperatures are usually more agreeable. There aren't as many distractions as during other parts of the day. I wonder what makes us morning-people or night-owls? I can be both but mornings are my favorite. That's kinda ironic because I look much better at night.

That's enough outta me. I am not sure what time I will be able to blog tomorrow but I will manage to squeeze it in there sometime. I need a haircut too now that I blog about it! Thanks for stopping by and reading the rare evening edition of MITM. TTT sometime T...MITM (out until morning) TA!

Double Jeopardy Monday Blog!

Wow, they could have used V-8!

hit it Roz
If rainy days and Mondays always seem to get you down you are pretty much in double jeopardy this morning in the MIDDLEwest. I love the rain. My brother was smart enough to plan his trip here to the mainland pretty well. He is on a plane now on his way back to sunny Hawaii.

It was a pretty good weekend. Friday night Cha Cha and I went out with MADYM for dinner at Acquaviva Winery. We got sucked into the wine-tasting before dinner and I really only liked one out of the five. Dinner was nice but I ordered a spicy bloody mary with blue cheese olives - you may ask then why where is a but? The olives were great and the bloody mary was great but when I went to order the next one I was told that they were out of bloody mary mix. So, my one bloody mary depleted your entire supply at 7:00PM on a Friday night? Ask the chef for some pasta red sauce or shrimp cocktail sauce or how about doctoring-up some tomato juice or even catsup or catchup or ketchup? It's Bar-tending 101 for "bloody" hell.  I changed to margaritas but she still brought me the blue cheese olives. That was really nice but I wish she would have brought them on the side rather than floating them in my margaritas. Maybe I need to come with a garnish "salad" for margaritas like they have for bloody marys. Saturday Cha Cha and I went down to Champaign watch the University of Illinois football team win their fourth game of the season (now 4-0). The real reason we went was to see our niece. Great weather and just a few sprinkles. Then yesterday Cha Cha went to a bridal shower for our flower girl - that makes me feel old -  and I went up to my uncle's house in Rockford to spend the day with he and my cousin and their families along with my mom, dad and brother. For the most part we just ate, drank, watched football and some NASCAR but there was a lot of visiting which was very nice (except for the NASCAR part...don't those drivers know how to make right turns?) I also learned that Danika Patrick is from the area (Roscoe). I had no idea.

It looks like my fantasy football team may be 3 - 0 unless Fred Davis of The Redskins goes-off for over 24 points tonight. This seems to be the year of the tight end so I guess it's possible. Oh yeah, University of Illinois can't have their mascot Chief Illiniwek but our nation's capital can have a team called The Redskins. There's something wrong with that. From what I saw of The Chief the idea was actually paying tribute to the Illini Indians. Redskins is pretty much a derogatory racist term. Supposedly the term originally meant a human scalp. When trappers and hunters would bring in different hides to be sold they would say "bear skin" or "wolf skin" or "rabbit skin" or "scalp" if it was human. The christian women of the time were offended by the term "scalp" (probably because Scalp and Shoulders wasn't invented yet) so they changed the name to "redskin" because of the bloody mess that the scalps left. It is brutal or racist one way or another but when their logo has a picture of a native American on it that pretty much removes the idea, for me, that it is for the human scalp.

"must be busy in there!"

I just thought about something that really frosted my cookies about dinner Friday night that I had forgotten about. Our car needs new brakes so they are rubbing a bit. As we drove up to Acquaviva Winery I saw that since we had been there last the parking had become all valet parking. I asked the guy if I had a choice and explained the brake situation and he said, "no, it's complimentary." Price wasn't the issue! If price was an issue I wouldn't be coming to this particular restaurant now would I? I just am worried about the brakes. When we got inside I think I discovered the reason for the valet parking. The place was not as crowded as it had appeared from the parking lot. I had noticed the last several times when I passed the place it looked extremely busy...the parking lot was always full. That's because the valets are parking all the cars closer to the road creating an appearance of being a lot busier than they actually are. When we left we went out to get our cars and MADYM's car was parked right across from the entrance. They actually pulled it out and had to back it up farther from the entrance to get the car to her. The car was close to the exit but they had to bring it back. The service was not as good as it had been the last couple of times I had been there either. It seems that they are having trouble filling the joint and Chef Ramsay would have many easy remedies for them - as do I apparently. The food was good but I am not sure that Maple Park, IL is the place for a winery with valet parking that only has enough bloody mary mix for one bloody mary per night. Get there early while supplies last!

Thanks, as always, for spending time here today. Try to stay dry and cheerful today. Or moist and nasty if you prefer...whatever floats your boat - just batten down the hatches. TTTT...MITM (moist - out)
tell 'em how it is Roz!

Read Today's Blog or Answer to Me Hopscotch!

All of us teenage heartthrobs eat chicken

It's Friday Roz!!!
Believe it or not I was able to donate plasma twice this week. I pushed my appointment back to 9:45 today to see what would happen and my protein-level was high enough to donate. That part may be a coincidence and it may have to do with me eating chicken last night and this morning but whatever I did I don't know what I did so I will probably not be able to duplicate it You would think a guy who writes a blog every day would be able to read back and see what he did but not me because I blog about better things than what I had to eat every day. Okay, maybe I don't blog about better things and I do blog sometimes about what I eat but not ALL the time. so after that I came home and mowed the front yard and then immediately put the sprinklers on it so I would have job security for next week. Actually we have some grass that is turning yellow and pulling up. I have to check the surveillance tapes and see if there has been shenanigans in the front yard whilst we were sleeping. I won't say I am vindictive but I don't need to say that because everybody probably either knows or senses that I am so I won't say it.

I am glad I survived the mowing and setting up the sprinklers. Remember today is the day that we have a one on 3200 chance of hitting the lottery - actually getting hit by the lottery of space debris...let it be me, let it be me. I just want to have something else to podcast about. Dirty Laundry Podcast would be pretty exciting if we had our own piece of a satellite embedded in my skull...we would save so much money on uplinking fees. This whole satellite breaking up thing reminded me of Sky Lab. You MIDDLEagers from the MIDDLEwest will probably remember that song.

I did the laundry yesterday and I wondered, as I always do when I do the laundry, why do we have so many damn towels? I am not exaggeration when I say that we have at least 60 bath towels. And that brings up another point...why don't we have shower towels when we rarely take baths? Anyway, why do we need so many towels? You all know that I have some weird showering habits like brushing my teeth while I shower but I have another habit that may or may not be a weird habit. I use the same towel for drying-off after showering for probably a week or two at a time. I hang it over the shower door when I am done drying off and then I reuse it again the next day. It was just used to dry off my clean body after a shower so it's not that much different that throwing it in the washing machine as I see it. So why did I wash about 30 towels yesterday when there are only three of us in the house? Only one of them was used by me. Splenda was here last weekend so there were probably a few more used but this is actually fairly typical. I need to A) get rid of some of the towels and B) try to convince the other occupants in this house to reduce, reuse, recycle!

Say that again and you'll get five in the mush hopscotch

I heard Mickey Rooney turned 91-years-old today. Is it just me or does he took like the love child of Yoda and Golem?

Tomorrow I get to go to the U of I game in Champaign. That will be two weeks in a row that I will be wallowing in Champaign. Last week we picked up Splenda there and this week we get to spend time with Captain Morgan. How funny is it that our niece, no our god-daughter niece, Morgan is the Captain of the flags for U of I? Who would be a better captain than Morgan? Maybe Kirk or Caveman but that would be it! The last time we were down there to see a game it was about 100 degrees below zero so tomorrow is gonna be awesome! Normally I would be working a football game here but I cannot start back at work until after October 8th because I had reached 900 hours and after that you have to take a month off and start over building another 900 hours.

I have another job interview this coming week that I am very interested in. I had to take a pre-employment test a couple of weeks ago and I got the results back and I got 100%; I wish there had been extra credit. Maybe my "street-cred" will count for something at the interview next week. Thank you for all of you who wished my luck on the test (even if you just thought it). Now please wish me more luck on Thursday around 9:20 AM CST.

Have a nice rest of you day and weekend probably because I may not blog over the weekend - we'll see, maybe I'll surprise ya. Remember to watch for falling space junk for the rest of today. If you're looking for something to do tonight me and the gals are going out to paint the town pink - I have the Jill and Kelly but we could always use a Sabrina, Kris, Natalie, Dylan, Alex, Tiffany, Julie and now Kate, Eve or Abigail. I watched a little of the new Charlie's Angels last night and I was disappointed. Not surprised though - Maybe I was a little surprised that Bosley is now a hot Latino dude but that's it! Thanks for stoppin' on by...TTT?...MITM (out with his Sky Lab hard hat on)
How about something about something doppin' on me Roz? You know what I'm bloggin' 'bout!

This Blog Goes Out To the Ones I Love!

Hit it Roz!
Happy thirsty! The stars weren't lined-up quite as perfectly as I had hoped yesterday so maybe they are just getting into alignment and they will be totally aligned by Friday. I didn't win the Mega Millions YET and the one place I tried to find Schweddy Balls didn't have them it. They had every other flavor of Ben & Jerry's but not the one I was looking for. I only tried one place and it was just because I happened to be picking up a girl at the store (Cha Cha, of course) and had time on my hands.

I always knew that President Bill Clinton had stones but now there is proof. Back in the 1970's NASA presented each of the states with a moon rock from the Apollo 17 mission. Arkansas had been searching for their "Goodwill Moon Rock" which is valued at around $1 Million since about 1980. Someone was going through some of Clinton's papers and found Arkansas' moon rock mixed in with the papers. Thoughts are that somehow it got packed up with all of Clinton's papers when he lost the Governor's election and it was just thrown in the box with everything else. Pretty much like when all of us pack stuff up and just throw stuff in boxes and plan to worry about it when we unpack. Recently former Colorado Governor John Vanderhoof came clean that he had taken Colorado's moon rock for his personal collection and gave it back. Alaska and New Jersey still don't have stones - I would start with the former Governors since that seems to be the trend among missing rocks. Do you have something you need to tell the people of the great state of Alaska Parasailin'?  It's "Goodwill Moon Rock" hunting! Couldn't the Japanese Dominos' Pizza just send us a couple of replacements when they get there? Thirty minutes or less!!!

I found the missing moon rocks!

I heard that R.E.M. broke up; it's the end of R.E.M. as we know it! They have been together since I was in high school and I have always been a big fan. I even got to see them in college back in 1985. I don't know that them breaking up is that big of a deal though. It seems to me that all bands are pretty much always broken up until they get back together to make a new album. Bono and The Edge are doing the Spiderman thing on Broadway without those other two guys (I think that is actually their names "The Other" and "Two Guys") so is U2 broken up? Et tu U2? Et tu? Do you suppose bands just announce their breakups so their album sales will go up (or their iTunes sales I guess is more accurate now)? I heard that The Rolling Stones are going to tour again soon. Are they broken up? I assumed that they broke up a long time ago but I was never officially informed. I haven't heard anything from Oingo Boingo in a long time but I here Danny Elfman's music in EVERYTHING. What about the stockholders?

I got lots to do today so it's the end of today's blog as we know it and I feel fine and shiny happy that you stopped in today. I hope you feel fine and have a great day. Tomorrow is Friday which is always good. It sounds like Matty's Angels and I may be going out tomorrow night. There's always room for more if you're looking for something to do. See you in the funny papers. TTTT...MITM (clown around town)!
Leave 'em with something relevant Roz!

Schweddy Blog!

I usually don't toot my own horn, mainly because I cannot reach it, but I am tooting away this morning. I made a prediction on June 16th's blog and I just heard today that it has come true! Ben & Jerry's new ice cream flavor is Schwetty Balls! Click that link there in blue to read that day's blog or scroll down all of the blogs like I did if you prefer. I can't wait to get Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls in my mouth. I guess I wasn't 100% correct as I wrote "Schwetty" and they changed it so I wouldn't sue them to "Schweddy." There goes my entire retirement plan! I need to check my Mega Millions lottery tickets from last night now that I know that I am a great and powerful prognosticator because I should probably go pick up my $75,000,000. Come on Plan B!!!! Matty needs a new pair of dice (lol I kill me always)!

There's already a group called One Million Moms that are threatening to boycott Ben & Jerry's because of this new ice cream flavor (the name, actually). They are calling it "tasteless." Schweddy Balls is "vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and is loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls" - doesn't sound tasteless to me. Maybe this group should have their name changed to One Million Moms with Challenged Taste Buds! What this group is actually doing is counter-productive to their supposed agenda. It turns out that Ben & Jerry unleashed their Schweddy Balls earlier this month but I didn't even realize that my prediction came true until this group of moms with too much time on their hands started trying to crush Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls. Now I am plugging their Schweddy Balls. I cannot resist trying their Schweddy Balls.

Wanna buy this poster? Make me an offer!

The stars must be aligned for me right now. Yesterday I got a call and I set up an interview for the job that I have been trying to get for the past month or so. I know I will get the job. Then, this morning, I called a local radio station and won certificates for two pizzas on a trivia contest. Now I really need to check those lottery tickets.

Speaking of "stars" I heard that someone was cut from Dancing with the Stars. Wonder who?  Me neither - I have no idea who and I don't care.


You know I get cheesed-off (I figured I wrote about ice cream and pizza so I may as well keep up with the dairy references) when movies are remade when they were popular in the first place? A movie that I like very much is now being made into a Broadway musical. That doesn't seem that bad until I found out that the move is Diner. A couple of days ago I said that maybe they were going to start remaking all of Patrick Swayze's movies but now it looks like someone has Kevin Bacon in their cross-hairs (Footloose and Diner). Sheryl Crow has signed-on to write the music and lyrics for Diner on Broadway. I like to consider myself a person who has a pretty good imagination but I cannot imagine Diner becoming a musical. I have an original movie poster of Diner so maybe I should dust that off and hang it in Kajunkles Studio or sell it on eBay while it's "in" again. I seriously am trying to think of one scene from that movie that would be good to music. Kevin Bacon drunk in the manger as baby Jesus? The marriage test? Sitting around the diner? Maybe I could see a "fries and gravy" song? After seeing this movie in college I went through a fries and gravy phase. It's very good - it's not that much different than mashed potatoes and gravy other than the deep-fried part of the potatoes.

Enough! Blogging about diners and ice cream and pizza and cheese have made be hungry. Have a great day and wish me luck on my job interview. Enjoy the nice weather in the MIDDLEwest today and I hope it's nice wherever you are but since you're there it's probably, at the very least, a little nice. Also, if you haven't listened yet the new Dirty Laundry Podcast with MMA fighter Andy "the Andimal" Smith is calling for you. If you're hungry I think we may have pizza for dinner tonight. I need to grab my Schweddy Balls too...I'd be happy to share my pizza and my Schweddy Balls with you! Thanks for spending time with me...TTTT...MITM (eating OUT!)

The Blog Is Falling, the Blog is Falling!

Lingerie football is the REAL fantasy football

A fine Tuesday to you friend. Last night Hakeem Nicks of the New York Giants had a mediocre night and my fantasy football team is now 2-0! Now it's off to destroy the Chicago Demons this week.

Last night I watched a bit of Two and a half Men because of morbid curiosity. I never really cared for the show when Charlie sheen was on it because the jokes, to me, we never very clever. It seemed like a lot of 5th grade attempts at humor with a bunch of stupid sex jokes. I thought that maybe with the loss of Sheen and the addition of Ashton Kutcher that may change. Based on the parts of the episode I saw last night it is still a hormonally-charged humorless waste of a time-slot. Anyone who knows me knows that I am far from a prude but there is very little cleverness to their jokes. Maybe instead of Sheen leaving they should have replaced some of the writing staff.

HEADS UP!!! (wouldn't "heads buried" be better?)

The United States military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy has been lifted effective midnight this morning or last night or whatever it likes to be called. The "don't ask, don't tell" policy basically, as I understand it, was pretty much just saying people could not be openly gay in the military. I am happy that people who are protecting us can finally be who they are. It has taken us a long time to realize that sexual orientation and/or preference has nothing to do with ones ability to defend their country. One less thing people have to worry about.



I guess you and I have a 1 in 3200 chance of being hit my a piece of a bus-sized satellite that is breaking-up and plummeting to Earth. They are talking like that is a small number but I think those are pretty good odds (actually, pretty bad odds I guess). I rarely win a lottery I am trying to win but now I have the best odds of any lottery I have ever played and I will probably win this one. Henny Penny was right all these years. The debris is supposed to arrive Friday. It has been my experience that bus-sized satellite pieces adhere to a pretty tight bus-sized satellite schedule and will probably be here on time. Does "duck and cover" work for something like this? I know there is a joke in there with Henny Penny and "duck and cover" and Henny Penny not asking and not telling that she is a chicken and she shouldn't have to "duck and cover" when she should be able to "hen and cover" but I had the Two and a Half Men writers working on it for hours and they couldn't come up with anything that met the stringent MITM standards of humor.

I hope the satellite that is crashing to Earth Friday is not the one that launches our Dirty Laundry Podcast. Oh, did I mention that the new Dirty laundry Podcast is up on iTunes? This may be that last one ever if this is our satellite. Don't miss the bus (bus-sized satellite) - listen to the podcast before it's too late.

My protein-level looks just fine from this POV

I am going to try to donate plasma again today and see if my protein level is sufficient. I have been eating meat for the last couple of weeks and that hasn't seemed to make a difference. I must have some sort of anemia or something that I shouldn't even know about. I am of the opinion, and I realize that it's not a popular or intelligent opinion, that if there's something wrong with me that I cannot control I would rather not even know about it. Kinda like space garbage plummeting to the Earth. Don't ask, don't tell seems to be a running theme of this blog today. I know that maybe it's better to know if there's a problem so you can deal with it but when it comes to health issues, for myself, I would rather be more of an ostrich rather than a duck or a hen...I just want to bury my head in the sand.

Have a nice day. I have about five hard hats if you want to borrow one for Friday. Hey, that's another reason to bury my head in the sand on Friday - less chance of getting hit in the head by falling space-debris. If I am hit and killed by a piece of a satellite that was sent to space by the United States will my family be set for life? I should think you'd be able to sue over that kinda thing wouldn't you? TTTT...MITM (getting his head out of the sand).

I'm Back In the Bloggin' Again!

hit it Roz
I haven't blogged in about five days. Maybe it will build more excitement if it's not an every day thing. That's not why I hadn't blogged in the last five days I guess I just wasn't feelin' it dude. Additionally, I have been pretty busy the last five days. Thursday I went to O'Hare airport to pick up my brother from Hawaii. Friday Cha Cha and I drove down to Champaign to pick up Splenda and she was home for the weekend. It's always nice to have her home for a few days. Saturday the whole family got together for family photos for my parents' 50th anniversary. That explains the reasons for my brother and Splenda coming home for the weekend. My parents were very surprised...they certainly didn't expect to see my brother show up at their house Thursday.

Yesterday, in addition to managing my fantasy football team (Boston Tea Bag Party), I went to an open casting-call for a movie that is being shot in DeKalb, Illinois. It sounds like I will be in a crowd scene, at the very least, at Sycamore Speedway. I hope I get to sit by Heather Graham. Dennis Quaid would be my second choice. Zac Effron would be cooler to my kids I think since they may not even know who Dennis Quaid is. Yesterday we also recorded the new Dirty Laundry Podcast which I have edited and am listening to now while I write this blog before I upload it for your listening pleasure. My fantasy football team is 1-0 and I am ahead 106-92 this week and my opponent has one player (Hakeem Nicks)  playing tonight. Nicks is banged up and may or may not go tonight but even if he does I doubt that he'll get 15 points so it looks like I will be 2-0 by the end of the night.

Who doesn't love a little mold now and then?

     Friday I went to donate plasma and I was unable to donate because of a low protein level again. This time it was 5.0 which is the lowest reading that I have gotten over there. The night before I sat at a bar  and only had one crab cake and 14 blue cheese olives (attached to seven bloody marys) so I guess I didn't follow a very high protein-rich dinner the night before. I actually love sitting at a bar by myself and watching a game. I wasn't drowning my sorrows I was at a bar/restaurant (The Office in St. Charles) where Cha Cha was, picking her up, and I didn't want to horn-in on her and her friends. I went up where they were in the restaurant part toward the end of the evening but wanted to let them have their girl-talk; they are all great ladies! Incidentally, The Office had the best blue cheese olives I have ever had...nice and firm and they stuff them themselves (I don't mind stuffing). I am quite an aficionado of all of the above.

Okay, I should get to finishing the podcast so I can get it up (TWSS) and I will let you know when it's up (TWHS). I hope you have a nice Monday afternoon and Monnight. I will try to blog a little more interestingly tomorrow. Contrary to popular belief I am not depressed though it kinda depresses me that people think I am depressed. I guess that means I am supposed to be depressed? How depressing;( It is kinda making me blog a little less-true to myself; like I have a new inner censor. This too shall pass. TTTT...MITM (out to go 2-0 - "Just say No To Hakeem Nicks!") TA!

We Must Stop The Amish!!!

Why is that one buggy facing the other way? You know why!

It's about time that these violent gangs known as The Amish get brought down a notch. Finally, there is a law enforcement agency that is not afraid to confront these hooligans to help keep the streets safe. Law officials in Graves County, Kentucky are tired of the violence and senseless crimes of The Amish. Several members of these terror groups have been jailed for not displaying the orange triangles on the backs of the horse-drawn buggies. We all know those are vehicles for smuggling drugs and used for human trafficking. Who do they think they're fooling with their souped-up black buggies without their orange safety triangles. I bet the police pursuit lasted for hours. Good for you Graves County; next we need to battle the Tibetan Monks with their robes and fake peaceful ways of life. The violence has to stop!

Why do I see shredding trucks everywhere? I only know of one case personally where people have gotten credit cards in someone else's name. I know a lot of people and, granted, I don't know everything about all of those people but you think you'd hear more first-hand horror stories if it was as big of a problem as was presented to us. We get A LOT of credit card offers and I have a box I put them in and when we have fires I burn them. I know I am probably to blame for the ozone depletion or deterioration (is that one a problem anymore?) or the global warming but I have been convinced by the scare-force of the world. Maybe it was always a scheme to scare people, mainly companies, so these people could start these shredding businesses and park their big shredding trucks in front of these businesses with their names on the sides so we get scared more and have them come shred our stuff. They should make them put big orange triangles on the backs of those trucks.

The new craze in television coming this next season it seems, at least on Discovery Fit & Health channel, is pregnancy with problems. I saw a commercial for shows called Secret Pregnancy and I Am Pregnant And... Secret Pregnancy is people telling their fathers or boyfriends or whoever that they are pregnant and have been for a couple of months. Okay, I'm a dad and my family has an huge production crew with four or five cameras in my house and I am there to be part of a show called Secret Pregnancy I am pretty sure that I would be able to figure out that something is going to go very badly for me that day. Or do they tell me that the camera crew is here because they think I'm so cool and they want to do my life story - I ain't buyin' that one. I Am Pregnant And... is going to be like "I am pregnant and I noticed it right after my alien anal probe" or something along those lines I guess. Let's be entertained by others' miseries. I think the shredder trucks should head over and shred those cans of film.

I have our little car in to get the sway bar tightened and wouldn't you know that they found several hundreds of other things wrong with the car. This is the main reason that I usually do all of the work on the cars myself. Have you ever been to a mechanic, if he wasn't a friend or a relative, that didn't find something else wrong with your car? I know they're a business and they are doing their jobs and trying to stay in business but come on. There are probably so many people that fall for all of this stuff. Sometimes they are right but I don't believe all of those things need to be done every time I bring my car in. Balderdash!

Alright I have to take Cha Cha to work and them come back and pick up the other car and then go to O'Hare Airport to get Mr. Hawaii so I had better call it a wrap (a salsa-avocado wrap). Have a great Thursday. For you in the chilly MIDDLEwest make sure you're thinking warm thoughts. Have a great day. TTTT...MITM (Audi 5000) TA!

Hot Dog Man May Be My Protein Answer!

It's hump day again. They are calling for temps in the 30's tonight or tomorrow night in the MIDDLEwest...already?

I slept very well last night. I think I may have discovered the reason for my sleeping problems. I wake up (just kidding)...I think my blood pressure medicine is the culprit. I didn't take it last night and I slept very well. It was also cooler last night and I like it a bit cooler than it's been. I will continue my independent sleep study and will keep the medical world updated. I have been conducting another independent medical study and, though I am not ready to offer my hypothesis yet I will give you my preliminary thoughts on that too. As you probably know if you read the blog religiously I have had difficulty keeping my protein levels up. I began eating meat last Friday and since then I have had: a gyros, a hamburger on the grill, one chicken nugget and beef tacos for dinner Monday night. I donated plasma yesterday and my protein level was 6.3. That is about where it usually is for the Tuesday donations so it appears to have changed nothing protein-wise. Friday's are usually my lower protein-level days  becasue they suck the protein out of my on Tuesday and it doesn't return to full-strength by Friday. So, I have two independent medical studies going on simultaneously. One day maybe one of those disclaimers on medicine bottles,  "independent studies show..." will be mine? Or maybe I will die in the process of my studies. At least I will have gone in the name of science. 

Bartz wanted more dead presidents

It has been announced that Hollywood is continuing it's lazy ways and is remaking another film. It seems like they are on a current mission to remake Patrick Swayze movies. First Dirty Dancing and now Point Break. I like Point Break. The acting isn't very good but I like the idea of the story. Who will make a cameo? Gary Busey? Lori Petty? Keanu? I can't wait for Ghost and Road House to be remade.

I feel sorry for former Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz. She was just fired from her job and all they gave here for severance was $9.4 million. I hope she can manage. So, for being treated so poorly she went on a profane-laden tirade blasting Yahoo. She said that the board member were doofuses and they f'd her over. If being f'd over if getting $9.4 million I would be happy to be f'd over. There are many prostitutes that get f'd over every night for far less I am sure.

I almost forget, speaking of whoring one's-self out, to tell you that the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready for your auditory enjoyment. I listened to it yesterday while I did real laundry. Our dryer took a poop and I washed all of the clothes here and took them to a laundroMATT and filled six dryers. Time to get a new dryer in dirty laundry central!

I suspect Kobayashi!

Someone in Council Bluffs, Iowa called police because "a man in a hot dog suit was standing around near a bus stop." If it's wrong to stand around in a hot dog suit in Council Bluffs I don't think I want to go to Council Bluffs. Police raced to the scene and discovered a 6' statue of Hot Dog Man standing there minding his own concrete business just waiting for the wiener mobile I suppose. The Hot Dog Man was first made famous when it showed up to promote a hot dog store in Durham, North Carolina. This country is so intolerant of hot dogs. We don't have to eat them but we should accept them. If you want to see a short film about the original Hot Dog Man click this HOT DOG MAN LINK! It appears to be the same Hot Dog Man that showed up in Iowa but his arms have been broken off - it's probably a mafia or casino job if you ask me. Leaving a hot dog without his condiments seems pretty inhumane. It's total celery assault (is celery salt on a hot dog just a Chicago thing?) I imagine they were just trying to send a message to all of the other hot dogs out there that if they step out of line this could happen to them.

Have a nice MIDDLEweek. I am sure I will blog again tomorrow unless one of my medical experiments go horribly wrong. TTTT...MITM (offen sie)

Situation Normal

Everything's under control...situation normal...how are you?

Only a Half-a-Cup Blog Today! (half-full, not half-empty)

This is one of those days that I have no idea what I am going to blog but I'll blog it anyway.

The NFL season is fully underway and I am four points behind my opponent in fantasy football. I have one player playing in tonight's Monday night game; my kicker Sebastian Janikowski. My opponent has no players left. Janikowski's lowest points total last season was 4 so I am almost guaranteed at least a tie though he is projected to get 1o points which would give me a game one win and also make me high scorer in the league for week number one. It's a long season but that's a might good starts to beat an divisional team in the first week.

Cha Cha, MADYM and I went and saw The Help this weekend. It is the story of hired help, specifically African-American "house help", in Jackson, Mississippi during the time of the Civil Rights movement. It was a really good movie and I believe you will hear a lot about it at Oscar time. It will be up for best picture and Emma Stone, Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer will all be nominated for their acting too. That is unless one of the great movie remakes like Conan The Barbarian or Footloose sweep the Oscars.

I don't know why but I just cannot get inspire to write this morning. I guess I have a case of the down and dirty Monday morning bloggin' blues! This is a big week coming up. Splenda is coming home for a family photo for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. And some other things are occurring that I cannot discuss at this time because of surprise-factors. It isn't really blog-related but I guess everything is blog-related for me.

I know this is short (like I haven't heard that before) but I am gonna call it a blog. I shall call it mini-blog. So, go see The Help, root for the Oakland Raiders to have to kick, and make, a lot of field goals tonight and wait on the edge of your seat for me to tell you the new podcast is ready. Maybe this shorter blog will help you to cut down on the caffeine as it is a one-cupper at most. Thanks for sending a few moments with me and I will give you more for you blog money tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out)

My Girls'-Night Out Blog! Jealous?

Funnyman Brian Posehn In The Middle - too busy for the podcast

Start us off with a Paul Shaffer song Roz!
It's the weekend though at 3:30 in the morning it still feels like Friday. I wish I could sleep longer.

Last night was a lot of fun. Cha Cha and MADYM and I went out to MIDDLEWEST FEST and saw several bands but more accurately visited several restaurants and bars. We didn't see as many bands as I thought we would see since I am still kind of scouting for perspective participants for our Playing For Change-apalooza benefit concert but we saw quite a few. We ended up watching Brian Posehn's comedy act. He was pretty funny but I don't think we were his target audience; I think his target audience was more masturbating potheads as that seemed to be 92.4675% of his act (approximately). I threw his picture up there as you probably will recognize his face if not his name. He seemed to know his audience pretty well - mainly college-aged people. After watching him we went and had a pretty late-night dinner. I wish I could blame Thelma and Louise for what I did next but it was a premeditated act so I can only take blame for it myself. I had a gyros - you know it was premeditated because I think I blogged about it yesterday. By the way, I called them Thelma and Louise because that makes me Brad Pitt. The gyros was delicious but I don't remember them being that big (TWSS). I do not seem to be having any ill-effects from the eating of meat (MADYM says she's not really sure if gyros meat qualifies as meat) though I did only sleep for about three hours so I guess it's all systems normal. MIDDLEWEST FEST continues tonight but I think I may have had enough of it.

I always have a great time with Cha Cha and MADYM. They are both very smart and fun to talk with. Since they've been the best of friends since before either one of them have known me they always seem to be in good moods when they are together so there is always a lot of happy girlfriend energy. I met them pretty much at the same time about, I would say, 28 or 29 years ago (wow I am so almost Matt In The Over-The-Hill) though I think I have known Cha Cha maybe a day or two longer but I could not swear to that. I always have a good time when we have our girls' nights out. I am honored that they seem to consider me an honorary girlfriend on occasion.

My girlfriends' night-out makeover - you should see my matty-pedi

I said that I was going to donate plasma today but if I do that it will throw my entire plasma donating schedule off since they only allow people to donate two times in a seven day period. I would donate every day of the week if they'd let me. If I donate today then I will not be able to donate on Tuesday and Friday because Friday would be within the seven days of Saturday and then I would have to donate Tuesday and Saturday and right now I would rather keep my Saturday body filled with plasma; I think I will just keep my usual Tuesday/Friday schedule. Nobody told me there'd math in donating plasma.

When the ladies wake up it sounds like we may go out for breakfast/brunch and go see the movie The Help. That seems like my kind of movie - a chick-flick? Cha Cha and I will have something else to talk about on Dirty Laundry Podcast this week too. Maybe we can talk MADYM into doing a quick ten minute piece with us as our guest movie critic. That way we'll have a female media critic, MADYM, and a male media critic, Greg. I smell a Dirty Laundry Podcast spin-off coming. This is probably how Dick Clark started off. It started as a blog, which spawned a podcast, then to concert promoter/producer and now spin-offs? I will be able to retire and live off of residual money just like Love American Style did when Happy Days started; didn't you always wonder what happened to Love American Style? Last week's podcast was a bit longer than it should have been - good thing we only have one "silver anniversary show." I think it was very interesting but it was definitely a bit long (TWSS); we will always be learning. That should be the goal of everyone in life - ALWAYS BE LEARNING! I have consulted with several of our media-critic friends and that seems to be the general consensus - "good but long" (TWSS). We are better when you don't have to listen to us very long and when we throw in a little more humor. Well, maybe "attempts at humor" would be more accurate.

Now this blog is getting too long too. Maybe that's okay because it's only one blog for the entire weekend. Have a Super Saturday and a Superer Sunday. Be nice to someone today. Actually, be nice to everyone today...including yourself - BLOGGER'S ORDERS! I may or may not have the podcast up before I blog again Monday morning but I will let you know when it's up (crickets). TTTM...MITM (off to continue her his girlfriends' weekend)
hit is Roz!

Hurry...To The Matt Poles!

Check out my guns ladies!!!

I'll start writing this now but I have to leave for plasma-fun time in about twenty minutes and I have to shower in there somewhere so I will finish after I get back. I know I don't need to tell you that because you wouldn't know the difference but when I think it I type it. Okay,

I am pretty sore this morning (TWSS). Not sore like angry sore like they used to say in old time movies see? Sore like my triceps and my biceps are aching. I have been very bad about working out for the past few months and I decided that that bad habit was over yesterday so I worked-out for the first time in about two months (I am not really sure how long it's been but it seems like that long). I did the entire work-out but it wasn't as easy as it had been getting before.

Okay, I'm back quicker than expected because my protein level was at 5.9 and it needs to be at least 6.0 to donate; I guess I will go back tomorrow and donate...I am sure I can raise my protein level 0.1 by tomorrow. I did find out that I lost four pounds this week though, happily. I may even have a gyros tonight. If I was going to give up not eating meat it would probably be for: gyros, steak or White Castle cheeseburgers but there would come back the four pounds. Maybe if I have all three today I can do an experiment to see if not eating meat is my low protein issue. I eat almonds, lots of peanut butter, eggs, lots of fish, every vegetable you can imagine, beans...maybe MATT is made to be a carnivore? I am so torn (and protein-challenged). I even had a protein shake yesterday after working-out...arrggghhhh.

Now casting for my Samantha and Miranda!

MIDDLEWEST Fest starts in town here tonight. MIDDLEWEST Fest is a town-wide musical festival where there are many, many bands playing all over town at many different venues; most of them within walking distance from one another. I, Mr. Big, am going to go with Carrie and Charlotte. We could use a Samantha and a Miranda if any of you ladies (or gentlemen) are ready to go out on the town wearing a wristband with me and my galpals. I have never watched that show but I think I picked the two best to go with for starters but the more the merrier. No casting couch required!

There are several bands that I want to see tonight to see if they're right for our November 6th Playing For Change benefit concert (thinking of calling it Playing For Change-apalooza). It's getting kinda fun playing concert promoter / booking agent though it takes a lot of time I have discovered. No wonder promoters/agents are usually so crabby (may be foreshadowing for the next couple of months?) There are people actually contacting me now because they know of what a great cause Playing For Change is and they want to be part of it; people I have never heard of before and do not know yet. Willie Nelson will be sorry that he passed on being part of this event (okay, maybe he won't be sorry). We have quite a few bands / acts booked but there is room for several more if you know of any bands with a "world-music" feel. I'd also be interested in poets, comics... If you have a group that is into helping people or the environment or animals... come on out and help and promote your cause at the same time. One Love!  There's rumors of a band called The Rolling Stones are talking about touring soon. I wonder if they'd want to get some practice and help the world at the same time. Talk about worldly...didn't one of those dudes play Jack Sparrow's dad, Captain Teague or something? What great casting that was!

Have a nice day and maybe we'll see you at MIDDLEWEST FEST tonight. You know how to get ahold of me if you wanna join us. If you come out and cannot track us down just get the mayor of the commissioner to shine the Matt Signal into the cornfield sky and I will be there. Have a great Friday. I may blog tomorrow even though I will probably be tired and will try to donate plasma again tomorrow after I have a gyros while Charlotte has a corn dog and Carrie will either have a salad or a gyros depending on which Carrie shows up! TTTT (or tonight if I see the Matt Signal).... MITM (out to change the world for the better).
Peace On You!

Critical Matt!!!

I have to write today's blog kinda fast because I have to take another pre-employment exam for another job that I will not get in about an hour. Luckily I wrote a few paragraphs here last night so it will look like I write these blogs very quickly except for the fact that I just wrote that I wrote some of it last night so now you know that isn't true. 

It's discouraging as many jobs that I have applied for and exams I have taken and I cannot get a job. I don't know if I have blogged it before but I think people aren't hiring me because I am overqualified for most of the jobs I am applying for. I know I get very good scores on the exams because they send me the results. They think that I am either going to be bored at these jobs or that the entire time I am there I will be looking for another job. That's not the case, however. I am only applying for jobs that i see myself working for the rest of my life. Other than when I was in high school and college that's always the way I have worked.  My job will be the supplemental job now and I am cool with making less to do something I will enjoy. Cha Cha is the bread-winner and I am totally cool with that. I would have always been cool with that...my male ego does have boundaries and common sense. Maybe I should get a job giving exams...I know a lot about it now.

I have been fortunate enough to be with two people who I like a really, really lot check something off of their bucket lists. I was with Cha Cha while she was in a parade and I was with Stacee while she hunted ghosts. I guess I must be a bucket list good luck charm? Maybe I am the Bucket List Whisperer! I do not have a bucket list per se but I have lots of things that I would like to do before I kick it old school. I went to a meeting last night for the group Green Paws. Green Paws is an organization calling themselves an "environmental alliance" and I went because they were discussing an issue that I feel is a great idea; they are trying to get our town to get bicycle lanes for bikers. I love to ride my bike and I would like to feel safe and feel that my kids are safe riding their bikes. One of the things on my bike-it list has been to be a part of a flash mob. I was meant to be at this meeting. On Friday, September 30th at 5:30PM I am going to meet with my new Green Paw friends for a "critical mass" which is a fancy term for flash mob without the dancing and/or choreography. We are meeting at the NIU Convocation Center and riding our bikes east on Lincoln Highway (Route 38) all the way through town en mass. You are all welcome so get you motors (legs) runnin'...head down Lincoln Highway slowing traffic on the way... Please come join me...it will be a gas man. Green paws is also going to have an informational table at the Playing For Change-apalooza Dirty Laundry Podcast is posting November 6th at The House Cafe. Win-win-win-win-win.

Yesterday Cha Cha and I rode our bikes, ironically, to the lagoon at NIU and had lunch in the park. We took a blanket and stuffed a bunch of healthy food in my backpack and rode down bike-lane-less Lincoln Highway and sat by the water and ate lunch and then rode home. It was fun and felt very European.

The NFL season starts tonight. I don't really care about football that much other than because of my fantasy football team. Tonight my quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, and my tight end, Jermichael Finley, play. I was pretty smart to tie Rodgers up a couple of years ago and now that we are a dynasty league I should have one of the NFL's premier quarterbacks for many years to come. My back-up is Tony Romo...pretty good back-up too. Someone tried to trade Peyton Manning and some other players to me for Rodgers and I am really happy now that I didn't do that since Manning isn't playing. Since we are a dynasty league I went with the youth and most recent Super Bowl MVP-ness of Rodgers.

I guess I had better wrap-up so I can get ready for my last pre-employment test because I am getting this job! No matter whats' going on in your life keep a stiff upper lip because the sun will come out tomorrow unless it rains and the it will just come out the next day. I bet the sun always comes out one place or another in the world. If the sun isn't out where you are just follow the sun! Be your own sun. I think sun is more of a feeling sometimes rather than a heavenly entity. So, make your own sunshine today!!!! Thank you for stopping by today; hopefully I helped you make some sun. Get you bicycle  tuned-up to get ready to be part of the flash mob critical mass (there needs to be a better terms than that) with me. Also, if you have a Charlie Bucket List item that you need help with, within reason, let me know and maybe we can work on that one too. TTTT...MITM (out to take my final exam) 

No News is Good News - Very Literally!

Be a happy Wednesday!

Happy MIDDLE of the week. I was going to say the MIDDLE of the work week but Wednesday is actually the MIDDLE of the work week and the calendar week. Wednesday should be the official weekday of Matt In The Middle!

While I was making doing the dishes and making a school lunch and making Cha Cha and my breakfast I had the television news on in the background. For someone who spent most of his college career writing and editing the news I sure do hate what the news has become. There used to be a saying we used - "no news is good news." It meant that if you didn't hear something from someone you assumed that things were going well. That saying has never been more appropriate since we have developed the 24-hour news cycle in America. Now it is literally, "no news is good news." The next time you watch the news, right after you take some anti-depressant medication, count how many stories are happy stories; don't worry, you won't need a pencil and paper - one hand will do. I think I'd like to start the 24-hour Happy News Channel. What are Mary Hart and Richard Simmons up to these days? I picture them as my co-anchors.

While I was cleaning out the sink I heard Mitt Romney, former Massachusetts Governor and Republican presidential candidate, saying that he is trying to push through a bill that will make it so we wouldn't be taxes on our savings. That must be the "royal we." That seems pretty out of touch to me. I bet that there isn't 10% of people, who are not wealthy, that have much savings at all to speak of. Our economy has made it so we MIDDLE Americans have had to tap into our savings, including our retirement savings, just to keep the luxuries of life like water and electricity and clothing and food and fuel for heat going. Since the wealthier people are the ones that have savings I think maybe we should raise the taxes on savings. That would be a waste of time because they spend more money than all of us MIDDLEs put-together to pay some firm to figure out ways they can get around these types of laws. As usual, I don't know what I am blogging about but I bet I am not too far wrong on this. I bet all of the savings that I may or may not being taxed on that I am closer to right than I am to wrong. That sentence sounded pretty politician-like; maybe I should throw my Matt into the ring!

The new Sausage-Pepperoni Race Tax

I am taking another test for another job tomorrow morning. One of these days something is gonna stick. There is one job that I can't wait to apply for. I want to be a Domino's Pizza delivery driver. I have one specific location in mind. Domino's in Japan is planning on spending $1.67 trillion to put a Domino's Pizza on the moon - seriously. I didn't even know Japan has been to the moon. I cannot imagine that there'd be must of a customer-base. Would my tips even cover my rocket fuel for my deliveries? We'd have to deliver because that's the whole thing. I searched for a video that said "Domino's Pizza delivers" (their old jingle and advertising campaign) but instead I found this video that makes me change my mind about working for Domino's On The Moon and made me realize that I should never eat food that I do not prepare myself. Maybe that's why they need to go to the moon now because it's harder to pick you nose...in a space suit and space helmet.

Hey, The sausage races (coincidental pizza tie-in) have begun again. For those of you new to the blog since last school year that's the little kids running to the bus stop around the cul-de-sac circle. It reminds me of the sausage races at Miller Park where the Milwaukee Brewers play. It seems that choriso has slowed down since last season as he was in last place as they rounded the turn. That off-season training is very important to you young meat-products reading this out there. I think when they add a new sausage to the races they should add Snausages!

I'm running out of gas like chorizo so I am going to wrap this up. Have a JOYful day and take a sack with you today:) You will know what's in there because you made it yourself and you may save a little money that someday you might not get taxed on. TTTT...MITM (out of lots of things)
hit the one you haven't hit in awhile Roz! You know which one I'm bloggin' about

One Blog! Let's Read Together and Feel alright!

set the mood Roz!
So, Labor Day just ended a couple of hours ago and I think Halloween or Christmas is here by the feel of the weather. It's so funny how we can have sweltering heat and heat indices (or indexes, I'm not sure) of 117 degrees with 97% humidity and then it goes up to 100% humidity (rain) and now we get into the 40's at night. One of the best things about the MIDDLEwest, to me, is the change of seasons but I usually like to enjoy the transition rather than the switch just being thrown. I am not going to kid myself..I know it will get hot again before the snow comes.

Yesterday Cha Cha and I were sitting out on the patio in our sweatshirts and the breeze through the trees sounded exactly like the ocean waves crashing up on the shore. Mother Nature is so cool (no pun intended). Just like the ocean does the wind in the trees was rocking me to sleep.  Maybe if I slept past 2:00AM I wouldn't fall asleep like the MIDDLEman that I am just sitting on the patio listening to music and the wind...or maybe that's what we were meant to do on Labor Day.

Before nap-time on Mattgarita Island Cha Cha and I made our way to North Aurora for a hunting expedition at Woodman's Market. While we were shopping I went to get dog food for Maisy. We buy her the refrigerated fresh dog food because she has food allergies. While I approached the dog food refrigerator case, yes there actually is one, I noticed something that was out of place in the case (I blog like Dr. Seuss). Do you remember several months ago when I was going to be the first one on the block to try Marley's Mellow Mood? It's taken awhile but I finally bagged the beast. It had no business being in the dog food refrigerator but one single can out of place led me to the beverage aisle, where I would not have gone otherwise, to corner my prey. The thing that was out of place was one single can of the elixir that had been my life's quest for probably six months to a year. They had four types of Marley's Mellow Mood and I had to buy them all so I could tell you how they taste before mounting their heads on my wall. The four flavors that I tracked-down and captured are: Citrus, Berry, Green Tea with Honey and Black Tea with Mango, Raspberry and Passion Fruit. I had the Black Tea yesterday down-island and it was delicious. Between sips I read the label and it reads, "Recommended Usage: This product may cause drowsiness. Do not exceed 2 bottles daily, consumed several hours apart. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after consuming the product. Do not mix with alcohol." It was in the beverage aisle, not the liquor department. The things that are supposed to mellow your mood, I think, are the "other ingredients" in the "Relaxation Blend." They consist of: Valerian root extract, lemon balm extract (leaves), chamomile flower extract, hops extract (Rhizome), passion flower extract and melatonin. Cha Cha says these are all relaxation-type herbs. I will try the other three eventually too but the black tea was great and maybe I should drink one right before bedtime tonight and see if it's a sleep aid. One of those ingredients has to be code for cannabis because I got tired right away and I seriously got the munchies. So far, having only tasted the one, I love it mon.

You could not elude me forever Marley's Mellow Mood!

What a great end to the Labor Day weekend. Sipping on a Marley's Mellow Mood, wearing my Just Keep Livin' (JKL) sweatshirt listening to the ocean breeze crash through the trees on Mattgarita Island and listening to Dirty Laundry Podcast with my best girl (and the only one as far as she knows - One Love).

With Labor Day over the summer season is over too, they say. The way I really know that Summer is over is that Fabio starts school today. It is much later than usual this year because we have a brand-new high school and they needed extra time to move all the schools around in our district. Fabio is entering high school as a freshman today and will be a member of the first class to go all four years at the new school. In honor of this momentous occasion he got a haircut yesterday, it's so cool that he decides when he needs a haircut and there are no fights, and I took him driving (him behind the wheel) for the first time yesterday. He is fourteen and almost six feet tall so he's ready right? He did very well. I will not tell you where we went but it was safe. He seemed to enjoy it a great deal and later Cha Cha took him back out and he drove with her too. I was in no condition to go back out as I had already consumed one Marley's Mellow Mood. Now that I think about it I had the one before I took him driving - oops. I guess if we got pulled over with a fourteen-year-old, unlicensed driver, behind the wheel I could have just said, "but officer, I just had a big old fat Marley and thought we'd be safer with him behind the wheel."

Is anybody else sick of hearing about 9/11 already? It was an American tragedy and we have learned from it but the main-stream media is dwelling on the negative, as always. I have great respect for the people who died that day and my heart broke for the people who lost their loved-ones. It was ten years ago. I will always remember where I was that day but we need to move on. There are things we should be focusing on today; not deflecting and ripping Band-aids off of things that we need to let heal. Anybody who knows me knows that I am not insensitive, in fact just the opposite, but we have to quit ripping the scab off so it can heal. Or, is it too late and we have picked at the scab so often that it has already left a scar?

Good thing is, it's Tuesday already. The whole Marley thing has gotten me sidetracked into working on the November 6th Playing For Change benefit concert here in Dekalb at The House Cafe. If you or anyone you know would like to help out in any way with the PFC benefit please let me know. Musicians and performers are needed but we also need people to help the performers set-up, tear-down, "security," attend information tables, crowd-control (hopeful thinking), collect donations, pass the word, use your imagination... For a guy who doesn't seem to have anything to do I sure have a lot to do. Make it a great day! I'll be right back here tomorrow, hopefully a little later, after I drink my Mellow Mood right before bed tonight. TTTT...MITM (mellowing OUT!)
hit it Roz

I May Get My Mark Twain Book Autographed Soon

Happy Labor Day. If you're giving birth today that's pretty cool and it's a double labor day for you. Labor Day was started to celebrate the economic and social contributions of workers in the United States. The way our current economical climate is it should almost be a national day of mourning. If you're working today on the holiday you're probably bummed about that but remember that there are millions of Americans that are unemployed or underemployed that would love to be working today. Man, I really know how to get a holiday blog off to a happy start don't I?

I am really excited about a "new" autobiography that is out. The NEW Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1 is out. You might say, "Matt In The Middle you are out of your mind. An autobiography is written by a person about themselves. I think you mean 'his biography is out' since he has been dead for 100 year. " But then you think "if you just typed that you must know that is incorrect and you're about to blog me why." You are smarter than your kids give you credit for. Mark Twain did write this autobiography and it is new but when he wrote it over 100 years ago be didn't realize that by the time it came out some moron would be writing about it on a computer and people would probably be listening to it from miniature little radio stations on their desks (computers) or in their pockets (iPods). He wrote it and said that it was to be published 100 years after his death. As far as I can see it's already been out for a year and news by me of his autobiography being new have been exaggerated. The way I found out about the book also comes from something of a dying art. I learned about it while I was waiting in line to mail our property taxes at the post office. I was standing in line waiting to buy a postage stamp and an elderly lady was getting all of the different stamp options told to her and they talked about the Mark Twain stamps. Guess who, when they got to the front of the line, bought a whole sheet of Mark Twain stamps and used one to mail his property taxes? So, it probably isn't too late to get a first edition Mark Twain novel! If I can find a store that sells books these day. Getting it autographed is going to be a bit more difficult. I love Twain because he was a smart-ass who liked to write and I can relate to him for some unknown reason.

I am trying to find a cool tie-in to tell you that the new Dirty Laundry Podcast (the silver anniversary, episode #25, podcast) is up and ready but I can't so I will pretend that I can't and I will write a paragraph about how I can't and sneak the link into that paragraph. It's a good show and very appropriately our most political show so far given that it's Labor Day. Be like Mark Twain - listen to our podcast; you can't prove he doesn't listen! If he can get three volumes (he's still working on volumes II and III) of his autobiography published he can listen to a podcast.

Now that I blog about Sammy Clemens I have a hankerin' to go to Hannibal, MO.. I think about Hannibal at least twice EVERY WEEK. I am serious - generally on Tuesdays and Fridays but here I am thinking about Hannibal on Labor Day, a Monday, so it will probably be three times this week. I don't know if I have ever told you why I think about Hannibal, Missouri twice every week but maybe I will share that with you some time. Some of you detective-types will probably figure out part of why.

I think I told you that I was watching the entire series Mad Men on Netflix. I have become depressed with some recent developments in that. I have watched all 50-whatever episodes and now I am having total withdrawal symptoms. So now, the new episodes will start soon. It will only be a one-year wait. So now I have another reason to be upset that the Mayans are going to come back and destroy the world in 2012...I will never get to see another episode of Mad Men.

Before I write this next thing I want you to know that I am not depressed, I am not suicidal, I don't want to die soon but I am always ready if I do (like we have a choice when we go) and I am not going to write this for attention. I just have always blogged what I have felt so one day, 100 years after my death, someone can publish this as my autobiography when print is reborn on Neptune. I laid lied was in bed in the morning and I thought that "I am ready to die." I wasn't sad I just had a feeling that I am ready to go. It wasn't even a sad feeling. I don't think it was a premonition but maybe it's half-time and it was a mid-life pep talk to myself? I don't know but I will think about it until I think I know what it meant. Maybe it was a dream that carried over a bit into the waking-state. Who knows? I also like to write things that happen like that because it may have happened to other people and I think it's good to know that we're not alone in anything. I like to think I am an original but I am seldom sure of that. When searching for a photo to throw in here I found that Twain quote above - I swear it's just coincidence...or is anything really coincidence?

I start this blog and never know where it is going to go; it has a life of it's own sometimes. Today it invoked Mark Twain, as it does sometimes, all from paying our property taxes. Because of that I think I will end the blog with a Mark Twain quote that I think about when I think about death. "Go to Heaven for the climate. Hell for the company." Have a great day and if my feeling turns to a premonition I may be waiting in one of the two destinations when you finally come on down (or up). Man. it feels like Sunday. TTTT (when I think about Hannibal again because it will be Tuesday)...MITM (out to see if Jerry Lewis decided to be a part of the telethon this year). TA!