The Blog is People! It's People!!!!!

I feel so much better about myself when Russell Crowe looks like me

I think we would all feel better about the way we look if we could just see celebrities looking like they do in everyday life rather than in the roles they play. Maybe if I dressed like Maximus Decimus Meridius or Captain Jack Aubrey or Robin Longstride or Inspector Javert I would look like we are usually used to seeing Russell Crowe look. I don't need to lose weight I just need some Hollywood wardrobe and make-up people to have a go at me every time I go out of the house. Look what they did for The Cowardly Lion for goodness sake. I just need a snip, snip here and a snip snip there and a couple of lah-te-das.That is part of the problem with our society (yes, maybe just a chip in the many problems)... we are trying to live up to unrealistic expectations that we have placed on ourselves. Jack Black can be pleasantly plump. Queen Latifah is a hottie. Val Kilmer is fat now. Jason Alexander is cool. Mike Tyson isn't looking as tough since he stopped working-out and went from Iron Mike to Jell-O Mike. Who doesn't like Artie Lange? Orson Wells did pretty well in his fat years. Jeff Garland. Kevin Smith works it. Francis Ford Coppola. DeNiro is no twig these days. I am just gonna be who I am and stay Chubby Hubby.

While I ate lunch yesterday I sat in the Tiki Room while the birds ate right outside the window. They were, literally, within an arm's length of my chair. I watched them eat the seed we put out for them every day (actually I put it out at night so I don't have to get up with the birds to feed them) and I thought how talented they are to open the shells without hands or paws or claws or utensils. I can eat sunflower seeds using my teeth and tongue alone but I cannot imagine having to eat that way all the time. Perhaps birds are reincarnated baseball players (Cardinals, Orioles, Blue Jays)? Maybe that is why they are so thin and I look like Russell Crowe? I hope he doesn't read this blog because I heard that he has quite a temper. I may be able to out-run him though. Unless he is getting in shape for a role. He just got done shooting The Nice Guys where he plays a private eye and Fathers and Daughters where he plays a writer. I hope he is in writer shape because I think my odds might be better that way.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Soylent Green Giant!

Guess what we had for lunch yesterday? Writing about Chipotle yesterday apparently made me hungry for Chipotle. Actually, I asked what everybody wanted and they must have read the blog and got hungry for Chipotle. The power of the blog! Do I look like a guy who cares if I have genetically modified ingredients? I thought genetically modified foods were supposed to be a good thing. How can they make Soylent Green or Soylent Red or Soylent Yellow without GMOs? I would be proud to be Soylent Green  and help the world hunger problem - recycle, baby! If you're not part of the problem you're part of the solution.

Some lady named Ashley Madison keeps calling and leaving voice mails on my phone. I don't know any Ashley Madison. It probably has something to do with some survey I filled-out or something? I am not sad that Ashley Madison thing happened - cheaters should be caught.

I want people to know that I agree with a lot of things I see on social media but I am not really into the "LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU AGREE" nonsense on Facebook. I will rarely, if ever, share when it says "like and share if you agree." I might share one if it read "I don't share things if they say 'like and share if you agree.' LIKE AND SHARE IF YOU AGREE."

How can he be in charge of a government when he cannot even control his hair?

Now Donald Trump is fighting with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I have never seen as big of a media whore as Trump since Donald Trump. If being in politics is garnering headlines I suppose he is the best that there has ever been since Donald Trump pretended to run for President last time. I do not even find Trump entertaining; I find him sad and pathetic. If, by some unreal chance he becomes President, I may be visiting Germany again much sooner than I had imagined. My visit will last for at least four to eight years. But, I know he will not become President. I still do not believe he really wants to be President. I believe that mommy and daddy didn't show him enough attention as a child. I am fairly certain that he could not possibly get enough attention to please him. Maybe mommy and daddy showed him too much attention? Every time there is an election I say that I am not a very political person but I always find something to complain about. Maybe I am as bad as Donny Hairdo?

The Cubs and Cardinals are playing one another again this weekend. I always dread these meetings because, no MATTer what happens, I catch crap being a Cards' fan in what is perceived as Cubs' country. I rarely say anything when the Cardinals win but I sure do hear it when the Cubs beat the Cardinals. I will then say something like "1908" (the last time the Cubs won a World Series) and the argument is over and, for some reason, I am the bad guy. I actually like watching Cubs' games; they have a great ballpark and are a pretty good team right now. They will be good for quite awhile I believe. I think I will even see a Cubs' World Series title in my lifetime; I say probably even within the next five years. That will make me have to say something other than "1908" after that. I will have to come-up with some catch-phrase in that time so I can copyright it and make T-shirts and make some quan.

Okay, my head is empty again. Have a great day. My buddy Greg is coming out this way today to chauffeur me to lunch (he is a huge Cubs fan - ebony and ivory living together in perfect harmony). Thank you for letting me blab about things that may or may not MATTer. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!