Reasons to Not Stop By Our House!

Just to be clear - our garbage-picker is a honky

I went out and picked-up dinner last night and when I got home there was a dude in a broken-down pickup truck out front picking through our garbage. I have seen this guy out in our cul-de-sac before going through our friend/neighbor Lisa's garbage (maybe that is the real reason she moved). I hope that does not come across sounding like Lisa is garbage but, just in case, I want to say that Lisa is great and she is NOT in any way garbage (better to clarify now than confuse and start some kind of international incident). Anyway, when I came home from work that day and saw him I went over and made sure that was what he was doing and that he wasn't trying to break into her house. I was still in my uniform from work so I was even more intimidating than if I only went there with my crabby demeanor. Whether good or bad dumpster-diving is not illegal here. So, when I drove up last night and pulled into the driveway he left and drove over and started going through Kevin and Kathy's garbage across the street (just to be clear - they are not garbage either). It looked like he took a bicycle from there. I went back to the window a few minutes later and saw he was back at our trash. Remember, I cleaned the out garage yesterday so I am sure he made out pretty well. I just took another bag out (our carry-out trash) and see that he made away with a lot of steel. I am fairly sure that he takes what he gets and heads over and recycles any steel/aluminum... Maybe I should screw with this guy and start throwing away some weird stuff. I have to work on that but I am open to suggestions. Maybe I can record him every week and start a new weekly YouTube series. I should be more vigilant of shredding the dozens of pre-approved credit card letters we get in the mail every day.

When I took that bag to the trash I felt that it got really cold last night. It is also very windy. It is like 30 degrees right now. My phone says it is going to get down to 25 degrees for the trick-or-treaters. I think it is funny that phones have almost made The Weather Channel obsolete. I used to turn The Weather Channel on all the time for my old job because I had to make decisions on weather whether or not my guys were going to work. It would have been so much easier to just look at my phone; I could have even made the call on the the move rather than being camped in front of the television while getting dressed. Is The Weather Channel even still on?  Incidentally, it is always windy on garbage pick-up day here.

Weather is about advertising via hot babes

As long as I am blogging about trash and garbage so much - Tuesday is election day. I am going to vote. On last week's Dirty Laundry Podcast I talked about an election day experiment I am going to try. I am not going to tell you what it is - it is an old trick that we in the biz do to try to trick you into checking-out our stuff. I love when people check-out my stuff. I am pretty sure the election experiment talk is on the most recent show and not the one before that. The new show should be up sometime this YOUR weekend. I just looked at the show stats and we have gone-up in overall rank and rank in the "comedy" category every day for the past nine days. It usually goes up for about five days after a new show has been posted and then levels off. Whatever we did this past week I hope we can repeat it this week.

I just watched Jeff puke and then eat it. Other than being totally grossed-out I am happy that now I don't have to feed him this morning. This, and the fact that they lick their own butts and genitalia, is why I don't like dogs licking my face. Shocking - now he is puking more. And now he is licking it up again. I had better stop watching or I am going to be running to the bathroom to do the same (not the licking it up part though). I should probably stop him but, if I don't, I won't have to clean it up. Laziness is the mother of ignoring. He really should chew his food more. That reminds me that we need paper towels. Everything is done for a reason - thanks Jeff.

Speaking of puking (sort of) I have to have Ebola training at work now. That will look impressive on a resume in the training section. If I get Ebola at work do you suppose I would get paid to stay home for awhile? I am not trying to make light of Ebola because it sounds terrible but I try to find the good in everything.

I am tired ALL the time. I know it is my working nights and having to switch to day hours on my weekends and then switching back two days later.

We have not bought any Halloween candy yet and the trick-or-treaters will be here in about seven hours. Remember when we were kids and sometimes we'd go to a house for candy and some old fart would give us pennies? I believe I understand that now though we'd have to give out dimes due to inflation. If we buy the candy too soon it will be gone before the trick-or-treating begins because we will eat it. So now we are thinking about candies we do not like so we will not eat it. It comes to: Milk Duds, Tootsie Pops (or other suckers), Skittles, any hard candy, Tootsie Rolls (though those are even more lame than pennies), black licorice, Bit O' Honey, raisins, Smarties, Jolly Ranchers, Hershey's Dark Chocolate minis, Starburst, Dum Dums... We may put out Hershey Kisses and put a toothpick in each one like they are hors d'oeurves.We could be those people who give out apples or dental floss? I have used up all of the laundry detergent so I need to head over soon and get the candy and the detergent because this is laundry day in more ways than one (Dirty Laundry Podcast). I am pretty sure I will get one of those candies listed above and we will be those old people, instead of giving pennies, leaving a bowl full of candy on the porch. The word will get out that that we are giving bad candy and the bowl will still be full at the end and we can return the candy to the store. Jeff would go bananas with the doorbell ringing every five seconds. Maybe we will just fill the bowl with raw eggs so, if they want to egg the house, we can at least get a free-range egging.

Wow, this got long very quickly (TWSS). I had better get the detergent and get a'washing. Have a nice Halloween and be sure to stop by our porch tonight if you enjoy bad, unpopular candy or need some pennies. If the bowl is empty it is because kids either like bad candy and took handsfull or it blew away. Don't bother knockin' cause the house is arockin' (it is soooo windy) or ringing the bell because, as you will notice by our lights all off, we will not be home. Maybe at the movies? We want to see Birdman even though it is not near here. The nearest seems to be Yorktown Mall. Thanks for stopping by. TTT (probably Monday).  Boo!