Is There Hope For Any of Us?

And me, lucky enough to get a back-stage tour!

Another dream remembered! This is VERY unusual for me. Last night I was in some small country like Lithuania (not really sure why that one comes to mind other than it may have been mentioned in the dream?). I was at a castle with a group and we were in line to see the castle and a man who reminded my of Truman Capote pulled me from the line and took me on a personal tour of the castle. He introduced me to all of the woman that lived in the village and they all found it very funny that I was of German - Irish heritage. They all laughed and laughed at that, not in a mean way but they were very entertained by that notion. I felt a feeling of love from these people that I have never felt from strangers before. I kept wondering when the other shoe was going to drop and they were going to kill me and eat me. Not really sure where that feeling came from other than maybe my suspicious nature as an American always feeling that everybody wants somebody from us (advertisers, businesses, governments...). It never happened. They just liked me and loved showing me their customs and village and families... They insistently let me taste all of their foods and drinks as I toured their homes going up and down staircases and through hidden back secret passages between their homes and cities. I had a feeling of guilt like, "why was I chosen for this when so many other people were still waiting in line?" They were sort of insistent in not letting me go but not in a scary way. I felt like they may have thought I looked like a long ago king or someone in high regard and thought I may have been him (unbeknown to me) incarnate.

The last two nights, the nights that I remembered my dreams, I had no set times to wake-up. I could have slept as late as I wanted. There must be less stress in that (of course there is) and maybe that helps me to dream. I woke up in the MIDDLE of the night last night but there was not that extreme pressure to go right back to sleep because I HAD TO get up in "X" amount of hours. I had the window open both nights and it was very cool / cold outside; I love the cool air when I sleep. Two nights ago it was also storming out which I really love. It is 06:41 right now and I don't have to really be anywhere until 22:00. I want to edit the podcast and get it uploaded but most of my "chores" are done. I am going to go back to sleep again and see if I can regain that village. I am not hopeful but it was a very pleasant "vacation/trip."

"Why don't she write?" - Dances with Wolves

My feelings that I would not be able to go back to sleep were correct. The dog barking downstairs ruined that quest. That is okay because it is better that I am up now anyway so I can try to sleep a few hours tonight before going in to work.

I hope this does not sound insensitive; I suppose just by me prefacing it that way I believe it will be insensitive. I am getting tired of hearing about the debris that they are finding that they "believe" is from the wreckage from Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. I do not have a problem with the countless hours and resources that it taking to find this plane. I have a problem with the media telling us what MIGHT BE. The 24-hour news cycle is a horrible thing. Hard to believe that someone who went to school to study media and has worked for several media outlets in news would say that huh? I think if I had loved-ones on this plane I would resent all of the false information just for the entertainment of the world (mostly America) and the chance to make a few more advertising dollars. I don't know how insurance works in countries like Malaysia but, if it were in America there would be plenty of insurance issues at the heart of this horror. The insurance companies are happy to take our money but, if they have to pay any money out, they look for any loophole/reason not to pay. I hope these families get some closure soon. I imagine most of them already realize that there is very little, if any, hope that their people are alive. I guess, until something is found, I would hold out hope if I were them too. I hope I am wrong and they are all alive on some remote island. I also like to believe that is the reason they are still searching. Imagine how it was when people went on trips in the 1700's and never turned-up again. "Maybe they just found a nicer place on the way when they were travelling and decided to live there from now on." I think there would be more peace of mind in this kind of 1700's denial. I am not against burying ones head in the sand if that is required for sanity.

I started out hopeful and heppy and now I have depressed myself. I am going to start editing Dirty Laundry Podcast now. Thanks a lot for stopping in. I hope you have a great day and tonight. I doubt that I will blog tomorrow. I wil probably be finishing up the podcast and just doing nothing in general. A plan to do nothing always turns into doing a lot. TTTMonday?...MITM (hopeful) Out! TA

This May Have Been a Dream!

It is 05:28 on your Friday morning. I am going to try to go back to sleep for a bit after I write this first Frontier Air flight over the ocean. why specifically Frontier?The rain and wind were pretty loud during the night. I love storms! It was probably a dream of frustration because I was walking through a small airport in the dream and, being a new pilot, I had no idea how to get on the plane. They had a secret entrance. I don't think those books with all of the meanings of dreams are correct. I believe different things have different meanings for different people. Those books are entertaining though and we have a couple of them. I will probably look some of this stuff up later. I am going to turn the light off and close the lid to this computer (my flight planner) and see if I can regain some of that REM. I believe, so far, that the dream had something to do with my current frustration at my work. The dream, coupled with the storm rocking my auditory senses.
paragraph but wanted to get this down because I will forget it. Last night, up until about five minutes ago, I actually was dreaming. I seldom remember my dreams because I seldom sleep long enough to get into a REM cycle. I slept with the window open last night and the weather sounds pretty tumultuous outside which is probably why I dreamt I was the pilot of an airline.

Time sure flies (pun not intended). It is 11:11 now and Dirty Laundry Podcast is half recorded. Cha Cha had to attend a meeting and I think the podcast would be boring with only me - who would laugh at my stupid jokes? We will do the last half-hour when she gets back.

I dreamt more after that first paragraph but forgot to write it down immediately. I was in a submarine though I remember. Maybe the dreams are about travel? Maybe I will get the part of the Travelocity gnome in a new movie? Why do we not remember our dreams after awhile? Is it because they are not real memories? Do we need all of our senses to deposit things into our memory banks? Maybe smell and taste and touch and hearing have more to do with memory than I thought. Just sight, even if it is not real sight like in a dream, needs back-up. Maybe if it were actual sight and not virtual sight the memory would be more embedded too?

It is 20:28 and I have been running around all day long. And, the podcast is 100% recorded and I am going to try to get it edited tomorrow and up no later than Sunday so we can have it up by Podcast Fools Day. I think I am going to open the window and hope for another storm tonight. Since I kind of slacked today I will probably try to blog tomorrow between edits. Can you believe I am going to go to bed at 20:32 on a Friday night (remember that it is my Sunday day. Thanks for stopping by. TTTT...MITM (discombobulated). Can you believe this was 15 hours in the writing? TA!

I didn;t rereadthis and most was written in sleep mode so hopefully you can make it out.

Never Regret Past Decisions!

If you want to know a real feeling of accomplishment eat a handful of nuts right before you brush your teeth. I should come up with one of these nuggets of self-improvement every day. Then this could be a self-help blog and I could start selling advertising.

It is 07:00 Thursday. My weekend began just an hour ago and I am already dreading going back to work Saturday night. This is why people drink. I may have to have a few rum and cokes or margaritas on this fine Thursday morning. Wheaties are the breakfast of sissies! Maybe I will just go to sleep. I am meeting my great buddy Greg for lunch at Blackberry Inn today. Yes, THE Blackberry Inn. Off to the land of nod - trying to get 4 1/2 hours of sleep before lunch. Talk at you in what will seem like just nanoseconds.

It is now 15:30. I slept for about 3 1/2 and had lunch with Greg. It's always nice catching-up with Greg. The best things that I brought away from college are the life-long friendships and family that I gained from those years. I cannot imagine how different my life would be had I been home-schooled. I would probably be smarter but, intellect, though important, is not as big a deal as friends and family. Some disagree but they are wrong! I often think about how one little different choice in life could change everything that we are and all that we know. So, when you wish you did this or did that differently in your past think about the wonderful things that you have and know and the great friends and family that you are around that, without what you did, you may not have today. And, I did have one margarita and three Malibu and diets. The margaritas at Blackberry Inn suck; it could just be this particular bartender I suppose.

Tonight we are going to record the podcast that will begin our fourth season. It doesn't seem like Dirty Laundry Podcast has been around that long. I guess you could say we have not become an overnight sensation but, we are world-wide and we have grown our listenership every week. I am constantly in total wonderment when I see all of the countries where people listen to our show. We get quite a bit of mail from around the world and that even amazes me more; that people take the time to write to us. I know it is easier than it used to be when we had to write the letter, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it (the kind you lick instead of the self-adhesive kind), put it in the mail box and wonder if it reached it's destination. Now we write it, hit send and can even see when it is read if we want to (I do not use that "seen" option).

I am catching-up on the last two week's of The Walking Dead while I write this. I have not had time to watch them up until now. People keep remarking on Facebook how wild the last couple of weeks have been. I am on the second of the two and the one I finished would have been really shocking hadn't I heard bits and pieces of what happened; the biggest bits and pieces, of course,

I have not played Words With Friends since December but, now that I have a new phone that allows me to play on my phone, I will play again. Right now I am just playing one game with one of my best besties but I will take-on all comers.

I am actively seeking new employment. I like my job but...the job itself anyway. I once worked for a large corporation where I was very good friends with the guy who was in charge of human resources for the entire company. He liked his job a great deal but he was always looking for a better job. Eventually he found one and moved to Indiana. We lost touch a few years ago but I bet he has moved several more times in that time. I wish I had followed that example. This whole blog today is about past choices it seems.

All five of the original members of Fleetwood Mac are back together and going on tour. I think I would like to see that show if they come to Chicago. There is another show that I hope comes to my area even more though. I heard that Paul Simon and Sting are touring together. Actually, I think concerts are kind of stupid. The idea is great but listening to music on Pandora or a CD or iTunes or the radio is probably more enjoyable when I think about it. Far less expensive too. I have been to lots of concerts and I have fond memories of each. Sporting events I find more enjoyable in person other than the cost and the driving to and from (unless, like Greg and I did last season, you take the train to Chicago and bar-hop all the way to Wrigley Field). Sports seem to touch more of the senses than concerts do. I guess that skunk smell at concerts is kinda nice.

It has become 17:26 in mere second it seems. I may take a short nap before we record the show. I will try but I am not a very good napper. Sleep, in general, doesn't seem to be very fond of me. I really want to do the show today so I can have all day tomorrow to get it edited and available by the show's anniversary. Thanks a lot for slowing down to read the blog and listening to the podcast. I really appreciate you like I mentioned a few paragraphs back. TTTT...MITM (zzz and pod and zzz) TA!

I'm Just a Little Stitious

It's Weekend Eve. The past three or four Thursdays and/or Fridays we have gone out on the town. I love going out with friends. I don't think we are doing any stepping-out this weekend (Thursday/Friday). I could use a break so that works out pretty well. I doubt that I would say "no" to anything though. I am tired most of the time. I know it has a lot to do with working the graveyard shift (bad choice of words maybe but I am only superstitious when it is convenient or entertaining) but, it is what it is. That being blogged, I doubt that I would say "no" if anything came up. There is talk that I may move to different shift in about eight weeks but, I received that information in an unclassified capacity and I guess that makes it a rumor. It is a low percentage of a chance but, I like to bet against the odds; the pay-out is generally larger. I figure I will stick-it out for another couple of months and see what happens. I like my job a lot I'm just not that fond of the hours or some of the company that I keep. So, if you have a job that pays well, is regular hours with real weekends off I would consider it. Possibly even if the job entailed me cleaning forest preserve port-a-potties from the inside with my tongue.

Not my dream job but, work is work

Thursday, April 10th Cha Cha and I are going to the Windy City (probably nicknamed after me before I was even born) to see that show that I blogged about a week or two ago. Nobody has messaged me about wanting to go with us so, I will probably eat those extra tickets. I know it sucks to go in with us and having to sit in the Bob Ueker section while we are in the real "front row" but we will drive and pay for all the fuel and parking. I will probably take the two extra tickets with us just in case somebody shows up and is out there "whose got twoing." I would rather give them to someone than eat them. I am not much of a "who needs two?" kinda guy. This would be a weird event to do that at too I think. If you want them and don't want to go with us let me know and I can send them to you. Maybe the part about having to ride in and out with me is the deal-breaker. I could just mail them to you though. I am not sure if you need me to get into the show with them though. There was something when I bought them to let them know if I wanted to transfer the tickets to somebody else so, I am not sure if we need identification to use the tix. They say they "like to think there is an IQ limit though" on their web page. I would be happy to find out how to transfer to them to you if you want them (I am not even looking for any scratch for them). Email me at matthelser1@gmail.com if you want more information. Or "Wait" until we record the podcast the next day and hear about what you missed. In all honesty, I am building it up more that I should. Cha Cha will love it but, it may not be for everyone. Jury is still out on whether I will have fun but, I love to try new things. REMEMBER, Cha Cha knows we are doing something that night but she doesn't know what we are doing (I guess you don't really either at this point) so, mums the word - she doesn't read this blog because she says "she lives it."

It's 13:50 already. It will be 21:00 before I know it and those series of alarms that I have set will be blaring. I would say that being late is one of my top ten pet peeves (around number four) so, I have three alarms set all the time. Walk into my crypt at alarm time and it sounds like a Chicago Blackhawks game at The U right after a game-winning goal was scored in triple overtime. I HATE BEING LATE! This seems weird I suppose for someone who seems like such a go-with-the-flow kinda guy but, if other people are involved, I find it rude. I guess it is more that I do not like to be rude and I find that rude. This is one of the eleven characteristics that Hannibal Lecter and I share. Weird, though, it doesn't usually bother me if other people are late to meet me. I am a curious sort. You would think I would be used to being late after about 30 years in a relationship with a hetero life-mate who is almost always late. 

BRB, my steamed broccoli is calling my nostils.

In case you are unaware, the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. I think our editor could have done a little bit better job this week. There are a few clips that may have gone a little long. He may need to be replaced soon. The show has come a long way since April 1, 2011. Hey, the next show will be the start of our fourth season. We have been doing the show weekly (with a few exceptions) for 148 weeks. I hope we never lose that drive to always get better. I think I may listen to the first show again for old time's sake (or, is that old time sake?). The first show is also still at that link if you scroll all the way down to the end. Most of the shows are not available on the site because we have so much space on the site unless we want to pay more to add space. Since we offer the show for free we try to limit the operating costs of our "hobby." 

I am signing-off for today. Thanks a lot for listening and reading, You are the reason that print is not dead. Okay, the blog isn't actually printed but, you could print the posts if you wanted to I suppose. I would print them all but, now that there is over 1,000 posts I would kill a small forest if I did. There was one time where there was an offer whereby I could pay and they would print them and bind them into a book. That would probably be something cool for my descendents so it could just sit in a box in their basement and eventually get ruined by water or something. I am not realy sure I know what "signing-off" means considering that I am still rambling. Thanks again. I will probably blog over MY weekend and, maybe yours too. TTTT...MITM (gone) TA!

King of the Sac! (or Jester)

Thank you to the wonderful artistic eye of The Lost Sock!

I said I thought I would blog yesterday but, I did not. You probably already know that though if you are a regular reader. I spend most of my waking time yesterday editing Dirty Laundry Podcast. I got a lot of it done yesterday but, since the show is free and does not keep the studio lights on I had to sleep and then go to work. So, I just finished editing Load #148- Mount Douchemore and it is uploading now. I will let you know when it is available for your aural consumption. Please enjoy the new artwork by our Graphic Editor and Beautification Producer over there on the right.

Several days into Spring and we had another snow storm here in my MIDDLEwest town again last night. I must say that working through the nights has allowed me to see a lot of interesting weather over the past couple of years. Something a trained weather-spotter likes. It lasted about half-an-hour at the most but, now the ground is white again and the wind is blowing and it's colder than all get-out. All get-out? I am not even going to ask what that one is about. Why, when I am blogging, do all of those old sayings and phrases that I have not heard in many years pop into my fingers. I suppose they must pop into my head first in order to get to my fingers huh? I cannot remember where I left my wallet but that stuff pops in there without we even trying to summon them. Maybe they have been in there long enough that they are ingrained whereas my losing my shoes just happened when I got off of work eight hours ago. Just got off eight hours ago and now I have to go back in another seven. Tonight is my Thursday so, I will watch The Cosby Show, Family Ties and Cheers before I head in to work. I never really liked Night Court that much. See, I know that whole Thursday night prime-time line-up from the 1980's but forgot to put on clean underwear. Truth be told, right now, I am not wearing any underwear. Just jeans and a sweatshirt with shoes and no socks. I seem to be sans undergarments of all types (socks and bloomers).

Fabio and I have been here after visiting LeBron

Ha, I filibustered enough that the new show is up. Just click that red and white link up there at the top and you can listen to the show while I finish writing the blog just ahead of you reading it. It will seem flawless to you but, it is being just two or three sentences ahead of your reading right now. I saw you look down to see if I was telling the truth. Non-believer!
How come the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony is held in Los Angeles when the Hall is in Cleveland? I know money is the reason on a couple of different levels. The whole world is smoke and mirrors.

It so feels like the real weekend. Cha Cha works from home and Fabio is on Spring Break though he is at tennis practice right now. It's nice coming home from work in the mornings and not having to wake somebody up or making his lunch for school. He has $50 on his school lunch account but he says the lines are really long so he prefers to take a bag lunch. Starting next week I am going to make his lunches the night before and put the in the fridge. That way I can come home and go right to bed. Then sleeping until 10 or 11 will be four or five hours of sleep. I had always been taught that you should spell-out numbers one through nine and use the numbers for numbers 10-the end of time. Why are one through nine so proper? What about zero? I guess that one should be spelled-out so it doesn't look like a capitalized O (oh).

Cul-De-Sac King!

There is another house officially for sale in the cul-de-sac. There are 10 (spelled-out) house in the sac and two are for sale now and two have changed hands since we hale lived here. I have scared-off 40% of the families so far. If all other nine are ever vacant at the same time I putting a gate and a mote at the end of the sac and having my own little kingdom; Camattlot. The two that are for sale right now are the one right next to us and the one on the other side of that one. I am systematically picking them off one by one. I like most of the families but world domination is business - nothing personal.

I am sleepy and time is a ticking. I will end now, thinking that I will sleep, and then, I will lie here for two hours and get two hours of sleep. Two is more than zero though. Thanks for being here; I am always happy to "see" you. I hope you enjoy the podcast this week. There is a great version of Eleanor Rigby this week as well as a lot of other great stuff. I will blog tomorrow barring any unforeseen issues in my life. TTTT...MITM (zzzzzzzout). TA!

Camera Phones Killed the Sketch Artist Star

Good luck trying to copy my forger-proof signature 

Yesterday Cha Cha and I were at the supermarket (I am going to try to bring that word back) and when I went to check-out I put it on the debit card. I use the credit card option because my stupid bank charges me a fee if I use it as a debit card at an unauthorized location. Yes, I know... why not switch banks? This one is very near our home so it is convenient. So, when I "charge" on my card the machine approves the purchase and then I have to sign the line on the machine. I am always creative with my signature. Sometimes I put a peace sign, sometimes an "X," sometimes my first name, sometimes just a horizontal line, sometimes a dot... This time I put down a smiley face. Shows the extent of the security these things have. Advise to you - if you lose your card contact your financial institution right away because somebody may be drawing smiley faces to steal your money. Anyway, Cha Cha saw my "signature" and said, "nice, it looks just like you." That made me think (it usually takes a push-start to make that happen) that maybe I will become a sketch artist at work. We don't have one of those as far as I know. I told Cha Cha and she was the voice of reason and told me that there probably isn't much call for sketch artists anymore because of computers. Buzz kill! I then thought to myself, "self, I bet cameras on every telephone probably helped to put an end to sketch artists too." Camera phones killed the sketch artist star! Damn it, I already had that pay-bump spoken for too.

Maybe me trying to bring the word "supermarket" back is a waste of time too with all of the Super Targets, Super K-Marts and Super Wal-Marts... I really need to get the podcast edited.

Speaking of Target... we are still having hiccups of the Target credit card breech. We weren't even compromised but our bank thought it was good just to send us new cards just in case; they saw that we go to Target regularly. I appreciate this diligence and precaution. The T-Mobile bill is one of the many things that I have set-up for monthly auto-pay and I guess this was the first one since the new cards arrived. So, after they texted I called them and they had a message that said something to the effect that "our phone lines are experiencing heavy call traffic at this time but if you type in your phone number we will call you back in approximately 16 minutes." They called me back within the sixteen minutes and the computer prompted me to type in my phone number and it transferred me to a message that said, "our representatives are all busy please hold and the next available (whoever) will be with you..." So, I hung-up and waited for a call-back that said basically the same thing the first one said 16 minutes ago? Sucker! Anyway, it is all straightened out so I can be in get invitations to play Facebook games wherever I am (incidentally, I do not play any of those games and the invitations annoy me. Not to the point of deleting my friends because of it though).

Which one is the sequel?

Last night I watched White House Down while I tried to fall asleep before work; that was a damn mistake. I KNOW I shouldn't try to use some kind of video to try to fall asleep. Awhile back my buddy Jerome "Jay - "Butterscotch with Sprinkles" Cole was on Dirty Laundry Podcast and told us about a movie that he had just watched at the theater and was one of the best movies that he had ever seen. As soon as it came out we rented Olympus Has Fallen. I thought, "what in the Hell is Li'l Dude talkin' about?" That movie was pretty crappy. I now believe that Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down were out at the same time and he was referring to the latter rather than the former. You can see my confusion since they both came out in 2013, both had black Presidents (Foxx and Morgan Freeman), one had Harvey Dent from Batman (Aaron Eckhart) and the other had Rachel Dawes from Batman (Gyllenhaal) and both titles mean the EXACT same thing just in different ways. White House Down is a pretty good movie. It is pretty much what you'd expect - a lot of shootem' up and explosions and stuff. Jamie Foxx, Channing Tatum or Tatum Channing, James Woods, Maggie Gyllenhaal are all in it. For some reason and, I have no idea why, I really don't care for Maggie Gyllenhaal. She's not a bad actor really. I do like Jake. Katie Holmes would have been better in this role. There is free Starz and Encore this weekend on DirecTv and I set up the DVR and it was a good free movie. I would even have been happy had I watched it at the theater with the popcorn and soda prices.

We have to do tennis racket shopping. Fabio is more serious about the sport this year and last year I told him if he decided to take it up more seriously we'd get him a better racket - today is that day. How come some times it is spelled racket and sometimes it is spelled racquet? Does it make difference if it is for tennis or racket racquet ball?

They're all twitterpated (Disney should have traded-marked Twitter)

Based on work last night I can tell that it is Spring - the skunks (along with all of the rest of the forest folk) have come out of hibernation or whatever they do during the Winter. They are probably all just back from Florida and Arizona. Maybe Jeff should have official K-9 training. He could rid this whole town of skunks and rabbits and raccoons. But, why would we want to get rid of all of these cute animals Jeff?

It was a rare Sunday blog but, I had a lot of stupid stuff I needed to get out before forgot it all. Have a great Tuesday conclusion to your weekend (most likely). Unless you waited to read this at work on Monday and then, have a great beginning of your week. I do appreciate you stopping in and commenting once in awhile. I hope that once in awhile I make you think or smile or feel better about yourself becasue of your mental superiority to me. No MATTer why you stop here and listen to the podcast (which, hopefully will be up tomorrow) I am glad that you do. TTTT probably...MITM (oot and aboot) TA!

Dancing Douche Bags

Not as big an honor as you might imagine

I am doing some show-prep for Dirty Laundry Podcast now but thought I would take a few minutes and blog. This afternoon and tonight are gonna be busy with podcasting and wining and whining and dining so, this may be my only opportunity. You will be excited to know that this week's show finally has a theme song for Douche Bag County! (copyright/trademark/patent pending...) I hope to have the show up on Monday.

Now it is three hours later and show time is in 32 minutes. I have been getting side-tracked so much. I guess that is what one is supposed to do when they have only one full day off a week; get side-tracked. I am really good at getting side-tracked. I guess I will break here and go do the show and then wrap this up before we head to dinner with part of The Sock Family (Found and Lost).

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. I am somewhere between a man and a mouse and things, for me, go awry quite often because of my hybridness. I am sure most of us can say that our plans seldom go as planned. So, why do we call them plans? They should be called tries or attempts or something instead. It is now 8:32 the next morning (this morning really because it cannot be "next morning" - then I would be writing this tomorrow).

We had a great time at Villa Verone last night. The damn dancing wrecked my buzz though. That was good since I had to drive home. We had the best server ever; she was everywhere! Dancing sure is a funny thing. Why did that ever start? Somebody had a bar or they were at a wedding or something and said, "we need to bounce around like a bunch of psychopaths so our food can digest?" What was the reason? I know that various tribes of people in history have danced for their gods. Why do they think their gods would be entertained by this? Nevermind, watching people dance is pretty entertaining. Maybe bands or record companies thought of a way to make some weekend cash and/or sell records. Maybe it is the alcohol companies to make us thirsty? Why doesn't Gatorade get in on the fun? Are there any Gatorade cocktails? I bet it has been tried. Now I am thinking about Napoleon Dynamite, Little Miss Sunshine and Can't Buy Me Love. I put hyperlinks on the dances in case you want to see them. The LMS clip is kinda poor quality but the only one I could find on the fly. Funny how I think about these three films and not Saturday Night Fever or Footloose or Dirty Dancing first.That should say a lot about my dance style.

What about John Heder and Pat Dempsy?

I cannot believe I have to go back to work tonight. I will be outside most of the night tonight and, of course, it has turned cold again. HAPPY SPRING! Maybe I should call in disinterested. When in Rome...

It sounds like I am being recruited to go grocery shopping. I am really surprised that I am not more tired than I am so, I may go. I should be editing the podcast but, I don't feel very creative this morning so I may wait until tomorrow. That has never stopped me before. I know I will need to try sleep again before I work tonight. I sure do use a lot of conjunctions but, I like them and, I use them or, if I didn't like them I wouldn't use them so much.

Cha Cha thinks that Jeff is trying to speak. Not like the "speak" that we try to get them to do but, the speak like humans do. It is said that Border Collie's are among the smartest of the breeds of dogs but are they really capable of speech? Man, I could so get into not working and travelling around to talk shows and fairs and stuff exploiting Jeff but, I did not hear it. She swears that this morning he was saying the same thing over and over; fairly clear too. She said he was saying "come here f-ck." She said to me, "I can totally hear you saying that to him. He probably heard that from you." I have NEVER said that to Jeff. I asked, do you think maybe he was saying "come here Jeff?" Because I do say that to him about 9000 times a day. She looked at me and said, "oh yeah, I guess it could be 'come here Jeff.'" I have not heard it but maybe she is still buzzing from all of the wine she drank last night. I don't really doubt her but, I do want to hear it and figure how to get him to do it on command if it is true. I will be saying "come here Jeff" a lot more.

I guess we are going to the store now so, I had better get dressed. Thank goodness for baseball caps and jeans. Have a great your Saturday. I may be blogging again tomorrow. But, I do have to edit the show. Cha Cha just came down stairs saying, "come here Jeff, come here Jeff..." She's trying to get him to say it again too. LOL.

TTTT (43%)...MITM (out) TA!

Kill The Wabbit?

Today (my Friday night) was action-packed; packed anyway. I slept from 07:15 to about 11:00 and then headed East. I dropped Cha Cha off at her office about 13:00 because sometimes she still has to go in. Then I headed a bit South to my boyhood home to see my parents who just got back from Hawaii; that was what the Cat Patrol stuff was last week - I fed the cats while they were away. why do cats use litter boxes? That was a dumb invention. Can't people walk cats like we do with dogs? While I was there I helped them figure out Facebook a little. I headed back North but Cha Cha wasn't done with her meetings so I went to PetSmart and got dog food and treats for Jeff (more about Jeff later), I went to Trader Joe's to get some food items and a couple of bottles of wine, I then went to Sports Authority to get some tennis balls for Fabio and then went and picked up Bruce Springsteen (The Boss) and we stopped off and had some dinner at Sergio's Cantina in Geneva. I had the grilled fish tacos and Chach had the shrimp tacos; they were both very good. Margaitas were 1/2 price (Tuesdays and Thursdays) so we had to have a couple each; I had two and Cha Cha had three. She messed up the whole two-for-one thing! Mine were frozen so I kept getting brain freezes and heart freezes so it took a little longer. Take that Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman!

He may have been stalking this very rabbit for months

I mentioned that there would be more about Jeff... he killed a rabbit in the backyard this morning while I was snoozing. I was told about it and when I went in the backyard to do the forensics work I found the headless rabbit on the back stoop. I wonder where the head went? I will probably wake up with the rabbit's head at the foot of my bed in the MIDDLE of the night. We have had tons of rabbits in the backyard all winter long. This should send a message to all the members of the five rabbit families! I think he was just playing with the rabbit and got a little rough. Jeff is a nice chap and wouldn't harm anyone on purpose. He is the John Coffey of dogs (like the drink only not spelt the same). I knew Jeff was quick but didn't imagine he could catch a rabbit. Wun you wascal wabbit wun!

I am really tired. I didn't sleep much yesterday and today I only had about four hours. This blog may be a bit shorter than most - my gift to you. Fabio is tired too. He fell asleep already and it's only 20:27. It may be a ruse to get me to take out the garbage. I will be right back; I have to kick some trash to the curb! (blog amongst yourselves until I get back). I am back. Man, the sky is beautiful tonight. I love to see that many stars in the sky. It always makes me think of being in Hawaii. Don't worry, I won't tell that story again right now.

Don't step in a Poodle

I was kinda bummed in the MIDDLE of last night while I was working the first few moments of Spring and it was snowing frozen cats and dogs. What the Hell is that saying about? Raining cats and dogs? Can you imagine a Mastiff falling on you? Anyway, I went out just now in my pajamas and it isn't that bad out now. I am always walking around the yard in my pajamas. Mostly in the backyard but, sometimes out front. I'm not trying to pick up chicks yet. I have been put on the planet to entertain and, me in my pajamas is pretty entertaining. Especially since I usually have one hand holding them up so the entertainment doesn't get an NC-17.

I have to end now and head to bed. It's only 21:20 but I cannot stay awake much longer. I appreciate you slowing down to check out this train wreck. Have a great rest of your night. Keep you rabbits away from my house - you have been warned. Thank you for slowing down to glance over. I should be able to blog tomorrow. Oh yeah, we were gonna record the show tonight but, I the show doesn't have to go on tonight. The show can go on tomorrow before we go out again. We are such socialites now that I have Thursdays and Fridays off. TTTT (89.2%)...MITM (coppin' some Z's) TA!

Extinction is Coming!

Yesterday I called Frontier Communications to cancel our internet service because the new Xfinity Wifi is working great and lightning-fast. Does it get faster than lightning? The lady on the phone said she could not help me because their system was down and that I would have to call back. Seriously? So, today I have to call back, This makes me feel better about the decision to cancel. They cannot even keep the system up in their own facility? This is like something that would be in a comedy sketch. Not a funny one but one of those stupid unbelievable ones that falls between the funny ones because they had three minutes to fill.

Even this makes no sense

Supposedly the house next door is under contract to be sold to some people from Utah. Hello, my name is elder neighbor... I don't know much about Utah other than: The Osmonds, Mormons (same thing), Salt Lake, the Bonneville Salt Flats,  Brigham Young (same thing), Tabernacle Choir (same thing) and The Utah Jazz. Is it Utah or Idaho that is The Gem State? They go together like salt and french fries (Idaho spuds). If I actually looked things up (The Gem State, for instance) I would have very few things to write about. One of the best parts of me is that I know very little about things. I used to think that I had to know everything; I have found that there is a lot less pressure when you say "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" or "how in the Hell am I supposed to know" more often. Eventually people will think you a bumbling idiot and will stop asking. I do know that the Utah Jazz makes no sense. It made sense when they were the New Orleans Jazz; why didn't Utah change the name when the team relocated? Because what else would they be? The Utah Salt? The Utah Mormons? Other teams change their names all the time.

Do you know what Mrs. Howell's first name was? These kinds of things I know (I will tell you at the end of the blog in case you don't know).

It is tomorrow now - that is not possible BUT IT IS! I called Frontier back and they tried the old, "you're not authorized to make those changes is (Cha Cha) available?" Joke's on you gate keeper ha ha ha; she works from home and she is just up those 13 steps. So I was granted the distinct honor of being able to deal with them. I had been the one who dealt with them for the past nine years on everything but, when it came the time to disconnect, I was not worthy. Nice try Ms. Linebacker! I got past your shoddy defense. The usual questions from that little laminated card or the computer screen in front of her started dancing from the phone receiver. "Can I ask why? Did you contact us saying that you were having issues?..." Then, for some reason, they can have it disconnected by 5:30 PM tomorrow. Why does it take another 28 hours to push a stupid button. I could record, edit and launch a new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast and have it heard all over the world by 17:30 tomorrow. I could write this blog and have it launched to Neptune and Pluto within the next 15 minutes. Who you crappin'? Though these thoughts rumbled through my noggin' I merely said "thank you" as I spoke to Frontier for the final time. Onto a new frontier.

I just realized that I know very little, besides their state capitals, about: Montana, Utah, Idaho or Wyoming. I think, of the four, I have only been to Montana. Wouldn't it be funny if those were the states that had teams in the Final Four? Brigham Young is in the tournament. I pick Brigham Young to win the NCAA Tournament based on this alone. I did well on my Oscar picks based on nothing so, that is my new system.

I have heard a lot about the sixth extinction lately. The first I heard about it was on our show but, since then, I have heard about it four more times in totally unrelated areas. One more time will be the sixth - weird. That, combined with the Malaysian flight still missing, makes me wonder what's going on? Is Earth on it's last leg? I really wish I knew how much time we had so I could do a bunch of crazy stuff without fear of reprisal. What would you do if you knew you only had a week and everything was gonna end? You wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving nothing for your family or anything because it would all be gone? ALL OF IT! What would you do? Most of the things we do are to create memories or build something for the future if you think about it. If there were no future why would I need to make memories or build something (wealth, health...)? What would I do? What would you do? I seriously do not know what I would do. I would spend it with family and friends for sure. I am fairly sure it would involve travel. Probably in a stolen Ferrari or maybe a 1966 Pontiac GTO "The Judge." There would be gambling involved. I would start eating red meat again; I would have a steak. Who cares about cholesterol when death is eminent? I don't even know if I have ever had a cholesterol problem but, I don't think I want one. Now I have something new to occupy my mind.

Tomorrow, my Friday night, my parents are coming over and Friday night, my Sunday morning, we are going out with The Lost and Found Socks! It is nice having the real Friday nights off. It sounds like we are going to Villa Verone Ristorante Italiano in Geneva. I am not worried about being whacked - I always sit with my back to the wall facing the door so I can face it head-on! That's why I am not afraid to say where I will be. Just don't shoot the connoli! The last time Cha Cha went there the owner, Pietro, made her park the Fiat right up front. Sometimes being a podcasting sensation has it's privileges. She thinks it is because it is an Italian car and the dude liked the car but, I know the real reason. I wonder if they want to go to one of the casinos afterward? The sixth extinction is coming you know.

I am just prattling-on now. I have to get some of my beauty sleep; I am convinced it will work eventually - extinction willing. This is my 2AM Friday morning you know. Thanks a lot for hanging-out and letting me spout-off. This turned into kind of a long one. Have a great night. I will probably blog tomorrow after my parents leave. If not, I will catch you some time later. TTT?...MITM (almost extict) TA!

It was Eunice BTW!

1001 Minus 1

Last night one of my co-workers said that, with my beard, I look like Anthony Hopkins. I don't really see it.

That's not a beard!

Since I work nights maybe I should come home and have a drink or two. That's what people usually do when their day is over; have a drink. I have never been one for breakfast food. Most of my life, given the choice, I would choose foods that are more universally (at least in America) thought of as lunch or dinner foods. Maybe I was meant to work the night shift my entire life? When I get home at 06:15 I usually sleep for three or four hours and then I am up for five or six and then sleep again for three or four before going to work. I pretty much have always slept that way but, when you wake up in the MIDDLE of the night that way, you cannot really do much. Most of the stores... are closed at night. This way they are open and there is usually very few people shopping... because they are at work or school or whatever real people do while I am sleeping. The thing that makes it difficult is the whole family thing. They are all on real people time and not on vampire hours like me. 

Yesterday I blogged that Wayne Knight was killed in an automobile accident over the weekend. I figured CNN was a reliable source. My buddies Greg and Shawn both posted on my Facebook page that CNN apparently got punked (thanks for that term Ashton Kutcher). Thankfully, Wayne Knight is not dead, it appears. I guess I helped spread the rumor but, CNN will take the heat and nobody will every remember that I fell for it too. I would be honored if people would blame me for the rumor and leave Cable News Network out of it. They get enough pub - I could use it to promote the blog and Dirty Laundry Podcast. The link that I put on Facebook yesterday is no longer active. Sorry for any undue grief or stress I may have caused Knight's family, friends or fan club.

We just took Jeff for a walk around the lake. It is still kinda chilly out but so much better than it has been. When we got back I noticed that the house next door to ours is almost entirely void of snow already while ours still has four foot piles. The piles we have are still from the snow I shoveled into mountains. The snow next door was never shoveled one time and now it is gone. Ergo, I plan on not shoveling at all next winter. I am almost certain I will make good on this declaration for at least eight or nine months then I will probably waffle or waver of whatever W word I will do. On a warmer note, we are gonna have the greenest back yard in the neighborhood. With all of the dog and rabbit fertilizer it should look like the rolling hills of Ireland or the fairways at Augusta National. The snow made the yard look like a giant bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough all winter with all of the rabbit chips. 

As you can see I decided to make my 1000th blog status quo. It has gotten me this far so why would I do anything differently? Tomorrow I will probably do blog #1001 and it will be as boring and mundane as always but, you and I will probably discover something else about me in the Middle as we head toward 10,000. I appreciate you coming back here whenever you can or as the urge strikes you. I try to always remember to thank you though I am sure I forget from time to time. I always ask myself why I write this but I never really have a good reason other than "a writer writes, always!" As long as I write I am a writer,

I am so happy that tonight is my Thursday. I will be even happier tomorrow when it is my Friday and I begin a new millennium of blogging most likely. Have a great night. And, as I blogged, I will probably write 1001 tomorrow. TTT1001...MITM (out) TA!

Blog and to the Right!

Not airing as much of my Dirty Laundry as first intended

#999 That's 666# upside-down when I look at it.

I had written several paragraphs here yesterday that I intended to post today but, upon thinking about it and rereading them, I deleted those paragraphs and am starting over. They were paragraphs about how I have lots of great friends and I wish I were more like them. That sentiment still does, and always will, stand. It was precipitated by one incident that happened early yesterday morning. It was at the expense of someone who is all about take, take, take and it may have been a bit mean on my part. I suppose I was venting. Very entertaining but, I want to be better than that. I do not think that person would have seen it but, if I want to be more like my good friends, deleting these paragraphs is a good start. They were very funny but, hopefully beneath me. Even MIDDLEaged farts can experience growth. Baby steps!

The new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. That's two loads in less than a week. One thing that is going to make podcasting a lot easier is the new WiFi connection we have in the studio. We now have Infinity and the internet flies! I am not going to get too excited until we have it for awhile but, I will be excited as long as it does.

Geez, I had to delete another paragraph here. It wasn't mean, just stupid. Why in the Hell does anybody even read this drivel? I am very happy that you do and hope that it entertains you and/or makes you think from time to time though. I don't track how many people or who reads the blog so, it may be just for the two of us - you and me! Thank you for that.

I guess winning an Academy Award still carries clout in Hollywood. It seems that Lupita Nyong'o, who won Best Supporting Actress for her role in 12 Years a Slave, may be in the next Star Wars film (#VII in the series). Her IMDB (Internet Movie Data Base) page shows that she has only appeared in four professional acting roles and, now, she will be in what is probably the biggest franchise in Hollywood history. So, if you are looking to break into film, win an Oscar as soon as you can so you can get larger roles in film. I will charge you nothing for this sage advise. Just remember me in your acceptance speech.

Out of the blue I think I have regained the Christmas spirit. I am not sure if it will still be here in December but, I have it now. IS it possible just to have this happen on St. Patrick's Day when I haven't had even one drop of hooch in days? I seriously had the feeling of Christmas wash over me. I think I will take this year off and everything. Maybe it's the magic of 1000th Blog Eve!

Will it happen?

Comic David Brenner just died. I never cared for his humor too much but, he made me chuckle once in awhile and I got the feeling that he was a really nice guy. I also just heard that Wayne Knight (probably best known as Newman on Seinfeld) also was killed in a car accident. Every time he popped up: JFK, Jurassic Park... I always thought, "NEWMAN!" People die every day and one day it will be me but, it is always sad. I think about the people that they leave behind and the feelings that they must have right now. I guess that means I am an emotional person huh? No great surprise there. I hope, when I die, that people will keep my loved-ones in their thoughts and hearts. Maybe I will be the third in the "people always die in threes" deal with Brenner and Knight. What ever started that stupid superstition or whatever you'd call it?

This will probably be my last blog because I have the 1000th blog jitters. Do you suppose President Obama or Joe Namath or Ruth Buzzi will call and congratulate me if I do live long enough to write one more blog? Who would have thought that Ruth Buzzi would have outlived David Brenner? I just checked and he actually was born five month before her in 1936. It's been fun blogging to you. Thanks for being here. TTT? (it would be weird if I died tonight huh?) TA! Erin Go Braless (and send me a photo when you do)

Old Time Blogging

WHY?

#998

Who in the Hell even knew there was a Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice and a Slap Shot 3: The Junior League? Why in the Hell is there a Slap Shot 2 and/or a Slap Shot 3? #2 had Stephen Balwin and Gary Busey; how can you go wrong with these nut cases as your stars? Besides, what else were the Hansons (not the MMMBop ones rather the hockey ones) doing? #3 - Leslie Nielsen and the Hansons (what the hell else were they doing?). I love Slapshot (the original one) but I watched a few seconds of each of these on IFC and OUCH! Other that the obvious - it's usually a really bad sign when they wait 25 years to make a sequel and another six years for the sequel's sequel.

So many exciting things today. It's garbage day, I am going to start editing the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast, the Xfinity dude or dudette will be here to pump up the wattage in our cottage, tennis / Spring sports introductions tonight, do real laundry, clean the kitchen, trim my nails, pick up the dry cleaning, pick up my prescription refill, pay the bills... In fact, I am going to go get my prescription and the dry cleaning now and see if something interesting doesn't happen or maybe I will see something that will inspire some award-winning blogging. It is so nice to have one full day off a week to get this stuff done. It is 09:58 now; I should be back by 10:30 I think.

Back at 10:23.I did learn one thing while I was out - it is Jackie Robinson Day again. It is 42 degrees Fahrenheit out there; a regular scorcher. Actually, it is Pi Day. Do pie places like Poppin' Fresh have pie specials today? I think Poppin' Fresh is actually Baker's Square now isn't it? I guess it doesn't really MATTer because we have neither out in these parts of The Middle. Did you know that Pillsbury owned Poppin' Fresh? Why didn't they use the Doughboy as their mascot? Maybe they didn't want to equate a chubby little ball of dough with a chef hat with their restaurants. If you want to look like this stop on in for some pie. They don't own Baker's Square now - they dumped the chain in the early 1980's. They should combine Pi Day with Speak Like a Pirate Day.

Maybe today is all about rating pies? Pi Rates

Same-sex marriage is now legal in my county. Now Cha Cha and I can finally make this deal legal. I guess if you read yesterday's blog you have lots of questions; I just remembered that I said we were married in a Catholic church. Joke's on them I guess. BRB - the dryer is calling.Is it just a coincidence that, on the way back from folding the clothes I grabbed a couple of bananas?

I have some stupid movie called The Long Kiss Goodnight on in the background. I am not really watching the television but it is on while I am doing chores. Anyway, Geena Davis was doing something before she shot at Samuel L. Jackson by mistake. Right before that happened the theme for The Walking Dead started playing in the movie. Very weird since this movie is from 1996.

I have to start editing the show so, I will end now. I am not sure if I will blog again before Monday. I am trying to put-off doing the 1000th blog for some reason. Maybe I will just stop at 999 (that is like the anti sign of the beast).  Anyway, I will let you know when the new show is ready so, I will blog whenever that happens. Have a great rest of your day and maybe the weekend. Thanks a lot for letting me spout-off my nonsense. TTTT...MITM (pie-eyed out)! TA!

All Sentimental In Me Gulliver!

Let's hope that this works!

Blog #997 - the pressure is on! Obviously, it's on my mind every time I blog now. I cannot wait until I start blog #1001. Maybe I should just call this one #1001 and move on.

The new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast is up. It was a pain for some reason getting it up (TWHS) this week. It was on the part of our hosting company, Podomatic, I believe. It may also have been our WiFi. Tomorrow Xfinity is coming to the studio to see how we can speed things up. Currently we use Frontier Communications as our internet provider and they just cannot keep up with all of the magical stuff that happens up in this hizzy. We have a World-famous podcast produced and launched into space from here, a blog that has been around since Jesus was in diapers, a home office that produces some of the best marketing in the entire free world, a teenager who, when he has any free time these days between tennis and preparing for the ACT's, competes with friends in virtual car-jacking and wars and such, a new voice-over sensation that you will soon be heard everywhere from up in this crib... We have more communication going on from here than many small countries. We have outgrown our slow internet and it's time to step-up; that happens tomorrow. I am aware that everything is always exciting when it is new and I know there may be hiccups but, we have to try to become better, stronger, faster.

St. Patrick's Day is in four days. This was always a big deal when I was a kid. My mom's maiden name is McGuire and her grandmother's maiden name was O'Reilly so, we have a bit of the green blood in us. We always had corned beef and cabbage that day. I am not really sure where the drinking of beer comes from with St. Patrick's Day. I think that Irish Car Bombs or Jameson's Irish Whiskey are probably more the norm these days. I am a huge fan of Bailey's Irish Cream. I am not much of a beer drinker anymore. There is something in beer that stuffs my nose up. Also, it is on Monday this year and I will work Monday night. I would probably have a margarita or two if I went out (they are green you know). What is the deal with the green? Is it because of the plush grassy fields in Ireland? The Shamrock? The four-leaf clover? Their national color is Royal Blue! It probably has to do with the shamrock that St. Patrick used to teach the Holy Trinity. I guess it actually IS St. Patrick's Day, after all, and not Ireland Day. And, why do you get punched or pinched if you wear orange St. Patty's Day? (I know some people say St. Paddy's Day but, it's not St. Padrick). Is that because the Protestant's color was orange? Every year I think a lot about my Great Grandma Kitty (Katherine O'Reilly McGuire). Maybe these days are just about remembering our past and thr people we have lost. I still have my Grandma Kitty's binoculars. Whenever we would go to her apartment in downtown Rockford, IL when she was only 92 years old I would spend hours looking out her windows with those things. She lived in a high-rise building right on the Rock River (like the 20-somethingth floor and there was always lots to see). Yep, days like St. Patrick's Day are about remembering loved-ones we have lost and better times.

Kinda badass actually

Now I am getting all sentimental in me gulliver. I am talking about the gulliver from A Clockwork Orange and not the one sometimes associated with the pubis. Weird that I am thinking about A Clockwork Orange when I am writing about the Irish. Now I am wondering why my Grandma Kitty was Catholic and I am not. I married a Catholic and got married in a Catholic church but I am pretty much a Pantheist. I am going to have to ask my mom why we were never Catholic? I should probably be a Red Sox fan - NEVER!!! Do you suppose I could get government money if I started a Pantheist Church?

I have to begin doing some research for the show. I know it does sound totally off-the-cuff, and it is, but we have to have some direction to get to the off-the-cuff stuff. There are no scripts but, we have topics that we plan to discuss. We are always open to suggestions. Some of our best talks have come from people's letters and questions."Keep those cards and letters coming" (that is what we used to call emails and Tweets and Facebook messages...).

Have a great night. I didn't talk about much other than myself today, sorry. Sometimes MATT In The Middle is all about Matt I suppose. I really appreciate you letting me explore my inner-shrink today though. I will let you know when the new show is ready. Hopefully by Monday at the latest - XFINITY willing. TA!

Mattnatomy of a Hillbilly

Yep, that's me by-golly!

Yesterday I went to my parents' house. They still live in the same house I lived in from the time I was in 7th grade until I got out of college (besides the places I lived while in school) so, they are still in the same area. On the way to their house I stopped at Walmart. I dislike Walmart a great deal but, it was the only thing on the way and I was only getting three small items. As I walked through the store I thought "hey, I might be a hillbilly and don't even know it." That place was full of mouth-breathers. It is not bad to be a hillbilly but, I don't think I am one and now I am questioning my non-hillbilly-ness.

I just resigned my position as Vice President of the work Union chapter (M.A.P.). There are several reasons for my deciding to quit and I am happy that I did. There is one main reason that kept cropping-up and I would say that is the real reason I quit. I am going to keep that to myself for now. Maybe forever though a few people know. That sounds so much more mysterious than it really is. Really, I haven't talked about it because it doesn't really MATTer and it is insignificant.

I have only been home from work for about 90 minutes and I am really tired. I am going to take a break right now and finish this later. Incidentally, I am only half done editing the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. There seems to be a lot of things ticking my time away lately. I should be able to finish the editing this afternoon.

I will be back later (it's 08:14 now).

Only four more blogs after this one until I do blog number 1,000. I feel that I should have something special for that one. Why do we humans do that? We celebrate everything. I will probably write the 999th

Now it is 16:28 and I have done a lot. I slept for four hours, I went on Cat Patrol, I finished editing the show that is uploading now. (picture 24 hours and 34 minutes passing)

Now it is a day later and the show is finally up. I broke-off from here to: get that going, go to work, sleep,  do my final Cat Patrol and finally get it up (TWSS). I hope the show was worth the wait. Good news for me - only five hours until my Friday morning begins. In doing the show editing I realized that we are almost ready to begin our fourth season. The show all began April 1, 2011. We have been podcasting longer than most celebrity marriages last. So now, more pressure - 1000th blog and another new season of DLP.

Thank goodness this is not quite #1000 yet because that would be disappointing. Why am I sweating this 1000th blog so much? I have to get a few winks. Thanks a lot for stopping by; maybe the podcast will pick-up where the blog lets off if you cannot get enough of me (LOL). If you;re like me you have had more than enough of me. At least you can just move along. I will surely (be blogged with doubt in his fingers) blog again tomorrow. Have a great night and TTTT...MITM (gone like a prawn right before Delta Dawn). TA!

P.S. - I did not proofread this mess. TA again!

I AM That Guy (for one hour less though)!

I really hate when I am driving and somebody makes an idiotic move and I get all angry. That is not the part that I hate though. The part that I hate is when I realize that that jerk just did something that I probably would have done. I consider myself a good driver but I am a bit too aggressive from time to time. Why am I in such a hurry all the time?

We recorded the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast last night. I will start editing it today and probably have it up sometime tomorrow or Monday at the latest. I would have it up tonight but this is my Monday (right now is my Sunday night actually) and I have to sleep before I go in. I am on foot patrol tonight so I hope the weather stays nice. It's funny how we humans get conditioned so quickly. In June 35 degrees would be considered bitter cold but, when we have had wind chills at nearly 50 degrees below zero recently, 31 is a heat wave.

Yesterday I ate nothing but fruits and vegetables and drank only water all day. The water part is not unusual because I seldom drink anything else. Oh, I did have one glass of wine so I could talk about it on the show (that is grapes though, right?). I made Italian beef for my other roommates but, I had none. I have had two bananas today

Today the 2014 Paralympic Games begin today in Sochi. The Paralympics are the Olympics for physically impaired people from around the World. I am sure we would like to boycott them because of Vlad the ImPutin (copyright/trademark/patent pending) hating Ukraine. Why is it THE Ukraine? Is it like THE United States of America? We would look jerks if we stopped physically challenged people from having their Olympics. When in the Hell did Russia make their flag red,white and blue. Copycats. Their flag is totally boring now; not very creative. I tried to put a different photo of the flag over there but, with the white being on top, it just looked like a red stripe and a blue stripe. Ukraine did not even boycott the Paralympics. Ukraine entered the stadium and the crowd went nuts with applause.

Who the Hell puts white on top?

I am having a salad now. Greens, tomato, carrots, radishes, purple onions (or are they called red onions?), fresh ground pepper and Newman's Own Balsamic Vinaigrette. No cheese. No croutons. I am trying so hard to be good again. Why does eating always make me hungry? That's probably the whole idea behind horse de ovaries (hor dourves) and it's probably why they are also called appetizers.

I really want to play poker. Not sure where that came from but it enters in up there and it comes out down here.

My mind is wandering too much to keep blogging. Sometimes that is a good thing but, sometimes it is not. This is one of the times when it is not. Remember that Daylight Savings Time begins tonight (tomorrow morning more precisely). I am not even going to get into my bi-annual rant about how this really isn't necessary anymore. It's fun when you work overnights. The other one is the one that I like better; the one where I work an extra hour; who doesn't like overtime? This one actually costs me an hour. Most people don't have to deal with that situation because A) it happens in the MIDDLE of the night and, B) it happens on the weekend.

Have a great shorter than usual rest of your weekend. I guess that sucks for you, in that, your Monday morning comes a little earlier this week. Thanks a lot for coming by. I will let you know when the podcast is ready. I probably won't blog tomorrow because I will be working on getting the show to you. I still have not heard from anybody about the Mystery Date (see yesterday's blog for the vague details). TTTT...MITM (gone) TA!

Kiosk is a Funny Word

Batman?

I was going to start the blog by saying that I am not going to eat ever again. That isn't practical for life. Then I thought that I'd try the Matthew McConaughey diet that he did for Dallas Buyers Club but I have heard many different things. I heard that he ate only bananas and drank only water. Then I heard that he had: two egg whites, a little chicken, tapioca pudding and two diet Cokes per day. I already had one banana today so the second diet is out unless I start it now. Why do we always feel we have to start new things "tomorrow?" Why couldn't I just start it now? So, then I thought about the weight-loss that Christian Bale did for The Machinist which consisted of: coffee, cigarettes and one apple a day. Kind of contradictory because an apple a day is supposed to keep the doctor away but cigarettes and coffee are supposed to be bad for you. Maybe the apple fights off the caffeine and nicotine? I have never been a coffee drinker or a cigarette smoker so, no on this diet. Tom Hanks for Castaway? Fish, vegetables, very few carbs and water. Hmmmm, I could do this one. I heard McConaughey consulted Hanks before he did his diet and decided on not using this one. Why? Now Tom Hanks has Type 2 Diabetes. What the Hell? I'd rather be fat than have Diabetes. Maybe I could make a combo of these diets? Bananas (since I already had one today), apples (because we have them here), oranges and carrots (have them too), we have chicken and caffeine-free Diet Coke. That seems sensible. No on the coffee because I have an issue with caffeine and no to the cigarettes just because. Cigarettes are shaped like bananas and carrots though (uh oh). Hey, what did Jonah Hill do? What about Gervais?

He should play Mark Twain now

It must be Jackie Robinson Day in my town today. They just said on the radio that it's going to be 42 today. I thought that temperature was retired.

Is it weird (he asked hypothetically) that I am already kind of bummed-out because I have to work in 37 hours?

I took a long break there to: go to the health club, get three movies from three different Red Boxes, go to the store to get something to make for dinner for the people who still eat food, eat another banana, start dinner (slow cooking a beef roast with some gardiniera so it magically turns into Italian beef), go on a walk with Jeff and Jill (we went up no hills) and start blogging again. I still cannot believe gardiniera is not in spell-chjk (I love to misspell spell-check on purpose because it pisses spell-check off).

Did you know that you can reserve movies on Redbox? I went on the site (how come sight and site are two different words?) to see if they listed what movies were available and it let me reserve one. It showed where all the kiosks were and where I could find the film that I wanted and then, let me reserve it. I reserved Dallas Buyers Club. When I picked it up I noticed that Nebraska is also out but unavailable at this kiosk. I then went to the store for the aforementioned reason and checked their two Redboxes and one had Nebraska and the one right next to it had Captain Phillips so, I got a film from each machine. How come comedies rarely get nominated for Best Picture? Hey, we have to see who got the most Academy Awards predictions correct when we record the new Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight. How come 12 Years a Slave isn't out on DVD yet? Actually, I was surprised the three I got were out already - times sure have changed.

Now I have good comedies that were nominated for Best Picture stuck in my head so... Fargo was funny several times, Pulp Fiction had funny parts, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb was funny, As Good As it Gets was quirky, Lost In Translation had Bill Murray in it so, sorta funny. Juno was funny and Forest Gump had a lot of funny parts and it won.

I think Saturday Night Live is getting better again. It seems to go that way; it will be good and then some people will leave to do their own talk shows or do movies and it will suck for awhile and then get better again. So, watch it now because it will probably stink again in a couple of years. By the way, Jim Parsons, the most recent guest host and the dude who plays Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory, really isn't acting too much when he plays Sheldon. I thought he was a pretty good actor (as far as sitcom actors go) but he is just being Jim Parsons so, not that good after all. Further evidence of his acting on SNL. Plus, he is from Texas just like Sheldon.

I have blogged-on long enough. It's time to start the prep for the podcast. Thanks a lot for stopping by. Have a great rest of your day and night; I think I will blog again tomorrow. Is Daylight Savings Time this weekend? I think I only have to work 6.5 hours tomorrow. The bad thing about that is I only get paid for 6.5 hours. TTTT...MITM (full of fruit) TA!

Are You Ready For Your Mystery Date?

How come this show hasn't been a movie?

I said I would blog yesterday but I didn't  - you're welcome! How the Hell am I going to get to the 1000th blog is I don't blog? This is 993. Maybe I should just do eight short blogs today and be done with it. Okay, TTTT...MITM. That might be funny if you didn't see all of the words below this paragraph huh?

I am on Cat Patrol this week. I don't really care for cats very much. Mainly because I think I am allergic to them. My mom is pretty much a cat lady. I think my dad likes cats too or he just likes my mom to be happy. Growing up we always had cats. When I was born Tabby was there when I arrived. He weighted 30 pounds. He won all kinds of cat shows. My mom still has his cape and his crown and stuff. Sorry if you are a cat person; I like cat people. I don't hate cats I just hate being stuffed-up. You can imagine how fun it was for me to change the litter in the FIVE litter boxes. I sure hope my mom doesn't read this because it would upset her. I mentioned one time that I thought I was allergic to cats and it really upset her.

Tonight is my Saturday morning. Even though I only worked three days this week because of our trip to 50 degree weather to visit Splenda that turned into a blizzard this week I really need this weekend. Work was really annoying for those three days. Most of my co-workers work harder trying to get out of doing their jobs than they would if they just did their jobs. I know this is not unusual and you have people at your work or school or whatever you do like this too. If you don't have people like that at your work you are either very fortunate or, I really cannot believe this of you, you are that person.

Funny that I mentioned Splenda right after I blogged about cats. I went on Facebook quickly and saw that she has a couple of pieces of art in a magazine. One of them is called "Cat Lady." I knew that she was going to get them in the magazine I just didn't know when. I am going to order one for my mom for Christmas. If you're looking for something for that cat lady in your life here is the link where you can get one of these prints -  http://society6.com/chl0xe/cat-lady-Rxj#1=45 I know the artist fairly well if you are looking to get it signed. More irony - today is my mom's birthday. Do you suppose her ears are burning or ringing? Why do they say your ears are burning or ringing if someone is talking about you? Do they still say that? Apparently I do but, am I they? My ears ring all the time

Cha Cha said she is not feeling very creative today so it looks like we will record Dirty Laundry Podcast tomorrow rather than tonight. When has not being creative stopped us before?  Now you have time to get your mail into the show if you haven't done it already. I am still waiting for another record company to get back to be about playing one of their label's artist's music. We have been pretty successful at having people letting us play their music. We have made pretty good friends of some of the artists too. Everybody should have their own show.

I got four tickets to a show next month that Cha Cha has always wanted to see. She doesn't know about it so, happily, she doesn't read the blog. The reason I have four tickets is because I bought two and then the tickets for the "premium seats" went on sale so I managed to get two of those. There are no refunds so now I have two tickets to get rid of. I would ask two people to go with us but I feel weird saying "we have these great seats and here are your general admission seats." I guess it is kind of a tough ticket to get so I am told. The show is Thursday, April 10th in Chicago. We will probably go out for dinner first. The show is from 7:00 - 9:30PM; it might be one of those old fogey early bird dinners. If you're "possibly" interested in going send me a private message and I will fill you in on what the show is (that's why I say "possibly;" you may not want to go after you find out what the show is). It would help if you are slightly nerdy like us for this show I think. You can ride with us and go to dinner with us but, unfortunately, the tickets are two by two and the pairs are not together. At least you wouldn't have to pay for gas or parking that way. Plus, going out on the town with two podcasting legends is probably on many people's bucket lists. Just buy them blindly and it could be the new century's Mystery Date - how fun would that be? You could even come on the podcast and talk about your amazing time with Cha Cha and The Agitator.

How adventurous are you?

Boy, it sure seems like I have been selling a lot today. That wasn't my intention when I started the blog but, looking back, that is what seemed to have happened. I am going to see what restaurants are near the venue of the show now. Have a great night and, if you're interested in finding out what the show is, send me an email to matthelser1@gmail.com. Thanks a lot for being here. I think I will blog again tomorrow. Have a great night. TTTT...MITM (out)