Who Wants to Join Fantasy Pope League?

I don't really have much to blog about but that has never stopped me before. I wrote TTTT (Ta Ta Til Tomorrow) yesterday and today is T so I have to blog. I edited and uploaded Dirty Laundry Podcast today, I cleaned the kitchen, made Fabio's lunch for school, drove him to school, I am on my third load of laundry and I have to go to work in a few hours. I feel like I am working on a cold. We were in St. Louis over the weekend and Splenda was really sick and then Fabio was home yesterday with a fever and I have been really run-down and stuffed-up all complimented with a headache. I hope I don't get too sick because I go to work sick. I don't know why I work sick but I know how it is when someone else calls in sick and I am too empathetic. I have always worried about others more than myself (more time than not).

Our town has been very excited that we are getting an Olive Garden. I know that doesn't sound exciting to some of you city slickers but us MIDDLE-of-the-cornfielders we get excited over stupid stuff. Unlimited soup and salad with bread-sticks for $6.25? That's pretty exciting. If you live in my neck of the cornfield this is where you may want to sit down - Olive Garden just announced that they have backed-out of coming to our nape of the neck. They were going to open 36 new restaurants in 2013 and now are only going to open 15 and we apparently did not make the top 15. Oh well, we still have our 75 pizza places. One thing about living in a college town is there is never want for pizza.

Looks More Like Captain Ironmerica

Iron Man 3 is starting promos. I guess it's coming out pretty soon. I didn't even know they were making an Iron Man 3. I have loved the Iron Man movies but I will probably wait for two weeks after it opens and then get in at a Red Box on DVD. Nah, I will probably see it at the theater too. Most likely in I-MAX.

I guess the Pope is done. That really does not impact me in anyway. Even though the Pope announced he was leaving nearly a month ago I bet it takes the Cardinals about a month to decide on his replacement. I bet there is betting going on about the Pope in Las Vegas. I just checked and yes, there is. The odds-on favorite is Marc Cardinal Ouellet of Canada. He is going off at 7:2 from a couple of sports books and at 3:1 at many others. Peter Turkson of Ghana is at 4:1. Archbishop Anthony Scola (Milan) is at 5:1. The best odds for an American becoming Pope is Timothy Dolan from New York who is anywhere from 33:1 to 40:1. I think I may start a Fantasy Pope League.

I just saw on MSN a list of America's top ten miserable cities and three of them are in Illinois. Number three is Rockford, Illinois (about 35 minutes away from us to the NW). Number four is Chicago, Illinois (about 60 minutes to our East) and number nine is Lake Country, Illinois (about 60 minutes to our NE). So we are surrounded by three of the most miserable places to live in the country - no wonder Olive Garden doesn't want to come here. I don't know why they do lists like these. What good comes from these types of things?

I am done for today. Judge Judy is demanding all of my attention. Thanks for stopping-in. I hope you have a great night. I would but I have other plans. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out to call my bookie to drop a double saw buck on Scola - listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast to find out why I think an Italian is gonna be Pope; a sign from a divine power seems to point to Italy ). Arrivederci!

Shaun Cassidy and The Pope (coming Soon)

Breaking Away was a television show too?

It's 3AM and I am awake watching a biography about Shaun Cassidy on The Biography Channel (Bio) while getting ready to go out and shovel the driveway. We had no place to go so we just hung out in the house and now that the snow seems to be over I will go tackle the driveway. Plus, living in a sac (cul-de-sac), I always get aggravated after I am done and the plow comes and buries the drive-way in again. Now I can do it all at once sans the added aggravation. I always liked Shaun Cassidy for some reason. I absolutely loved The Partridge Family so I think me liking David Cassidy and Shirley Jones (his 1/2 brother and mother) made it make sense that I would like him I suppose. Shaun seemed very nice and The Hardy Boys was okay to watch.

We normally record Dirty Laundry Podcast Tuesday nights but we did not record it last night. I think Cha Cha and I were a little wiped-out from our weekend trip to St. Louis so we will probably record it today/tonight sometime. We will probably talk a lot about our trip to St. Louis so I will leave it alone here.

I didn't remember the movie Breaking Away was made into a television series starring Shaun Cassidy (as well as Jackie Earle Haley). Maybe because it came out while I was a senior in high school and it only lasted eight episodes. I loved the film and maybe if I had watched the show it would have lasted longer than eight episodes; I have that kind of media power. Who knew Shaun Cassidy discovered Heath Ledger? The biography is over and I am dressed in my snow warrior gear so I will break here and be back in probably an hour for as much snow as we got. If you never see this I had a heart attack and you are now reading this after someone found it later after I had predicted my own demise. (insert ghostly sounds here)

Here's an intermission to entertain you while I am gone (hopefully not permanently)

It is now 5:30 and I am done with the driveway and as far as I know I did not have a heart attack.Thank goodness for Dirty Laundry Podcast for keeping me company.The snow (I should actually call it ice - more of a big, solid, snow cone really) at the end of the driveway. The plow had decided to make the snow in our driveway about four feet high. Those are never any of the kinds of things you usually think of when choosing a lot to have your house built on. My back is probably gonna hurt later but it's great to already have some exercise and have worked-up a sweat this early in the day.

Can you believe it has been a year since Trayvon Martin was shot to death in Florida? The young man armed with only a package of Skittles has probably been the greatest impact on the gun controversy in the U.S.and A.. Trayvon's parents will never get over this tremendous loss but I wonder how being reminded of their son's death every year makes it better or worse.

Can you tell that I watched Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefits Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan yesterday?  (U.S.and A, U.S. and A.).

The Pope is almost done. I am so tired of this and I know it has only started. Now we have to go through the days and days of drama waiting for smoke to come out of a chimney the correct color. The Cardinals have had plenty of time to consider a replacement but I bet dollars to donuts it doesn't go as quickly as it should. The Catholic Church, just like any big business, is loving the extra free press they are getting form this whole ordeal. Tomorrow, starting at about 9:30 MIDDLEtime, they are gonna show the Pope leaving town. I hope they throw candy; that's always my favorite part of a parade. Will there be those huge Underdog and Big Bird balloons? I am not Catholic but I have been to many, many Catholic church services (actually our wedding was Catholic) and they make a huge deal about everything. I guess that is kinda nice but I feel that it is so they can try to justify all of the opulence and money. Hopefully the lightning from the sky will miss me and I will survive another day after this last paragraph.

I have to start thinking about getting Fabio up for school and getting some show-prep done. Yes, believe it or not, we do prep some for the show. Thank you for stopping-in and setting a spell. Y'all have a great day and come back now, hear? TTTT...MITM (a bit off) TA!

Hey Mr. Wadsworth - Get Outta My Head!

Don't tell me who won at the Oscars. No, I didn't record it to watch it later - I don't really care. I love movies and most forms of entertainment (television, music, literature...) but I am not in it for the celebrities.Celebrities used to be a big part of it for me but I have realized how dumb that really is. Why do we hold celebrities in such high regard? Actors used to be considered to be bourgeois. I suppose then came the birth of the talent agent trying to be a barnacle on their heels. That may have been one of the greatest turning lemons into lemonade of all time. When we are kids most of our free-time is spent "playing pretend" and then some of us grow up and get paid to play pretend? Maybe they should be held in high-regard; that's pretty sweet. I am pretty sure I am just turning onto an old crotchety man like the one who used to yell at us for "playing pretend" in his yard. The one I remember the most was Mr. Wadsworth. He was our "hey you kids, get out of my yard guy." Maybe he didn't like Native Americans or Robbers (I should have been a Cop or a Cowboy maybe). How does that happen? How do I stop the transformation into Mr. Wadsworth? I wonder if Mr. Wadsworth ever wondered how he could stop the morphing when he realized it was happening to him? Do other people realize it is happening when it happens?

I just read that 19 people from the ages of 13 - 18 were charged for mob action at Ford City Mall in Chicago yesterday. Additionally, one teenager was arrested for battery and another charged with criminal trespassing. I wouldn't even have noticed the story except for the fact that they were at the mall for an autograph signing by a group called Mindless Behavior. What did the mall expect when they hired a group called Mindless Behavior to sign autographs? I have never heard about this group until now and maybe this a publicity stunt and this kind of thing follows them around? They tricked at least one Mr. Wadsworth into talking about "these darned kids these days" in his blog.

Google says this is Mindless Behavior

Have I mentioned that I hate the teenage years when I am on the receiving end of it? I honestly don't think I dished-out what I am receiving so I really don't think this is pay-back. My brother was a handful so maybe I am receiving some of his karma because he doesn't have kids. I was no angel and I did plenty but nothing that my parents really know about. Maybe I am just nosier than my parents were. Parenting has changed a lot in the last 40 years I guess. I did get the belt a lot as a kid but that was mainly for fighting with my brother.  Can you imagine even taking a belt to your kids? I cannot. Maybe when my kids have kids they will say, "can you imagine not using a belt on our kids?" No, I doubt that will happen. I surely hope not.

It's back to work tonight but it is my Friday already. It's nice to work one day, get three off, work one and then get another two off. I could get used to that but once I ran out of vacation days I don't think I would be so happy with it. I have a feeling that this may have been our last family vacation for awhile. Maybe when the kids have the grandchildren we can all meet someplace. Cha Cha will probably do something for our 25th anniversary later this year.

I am bumming myself out today. I think I need to stop. Mondays are Mondays even when they are your Friday it seems. I have a lot of hustling to do make sure I can make it to work tonight but I have 100% faith. Have a great day and thanks a lot for being here. I will try to include some photos on here of our trip here tomorrow and later today on my Facebook page. I have a good idea I know a lot of things we will be talking about on tomorrow's Dirty Laundry Podcast. It's not too late you get your listener mail in. TTTT...MITM (just plain out) TA!

I Mistakenly Watched the News (OOPS)!

Our hotel (just staying here Paris Hilton owns it)

It's early Saturday morning (4AM) and I am wide awake. I always would be wide awake at this time because generally I am usually at work but today I am out of town with my family. Both parents and both kids. We haven't all been together since Christmas so this is really nice. Last night we had dinner at Hard Rock Cafe and that really isn't a place to go to talk much; very loud. It is right next to our hotel so it was convenient. I am starting to sound my age. Our hotel room (a suite) is almost as big as our home. It must be off-season because we are near a lot of really cool things and are right downtown and it isn't that expensive.

I am not sure what we are doing today but there are a lot of really great choices on the table. I really don't care what we do I just love to do stuff and I know I have mentioned it here before but, I love hotels. I used to travel quite a bit and I loved them then too. I love having someone making my room look brand new while I am out doing stuff. I love that I can order movies on the television that are still in the theaters. I love that we have an entire shopping mall downstairs, seriously a real shopping mall. I don't know why I love that one but it seems cool to me. These are probably quite a few of the same reasons that I love Las Vegas. I do hate that I am always awake about four or five hours before everybody else. That is my issue not theirs'. I slept like a rock but a rock that only sleeps for four hours. Ate at Hard Rock and slept like a rock - is there a theme beginning here?

I am really getting worried about all of the anguish over guns in America. That's a problem with staying at a hotel and being an early riser. I would go out and check things out down in the mall or outside but it's too early and all there is to do is blog and watch television. When I am done here maybe I will go down and window shop at the mall; nothing is open but I have a Golden Ticket to Willie Wonka's Shopping Mall. I wonder what time Einstein's Brothers Bagels opens down there? I could go for a spot of tea. Anyway, I am watching a news show (usually a mistake) called RT. The best that I can figure RT stands for Russian Television. I don't know much about RT and it may actually be the Fox News of Russia but it is interesting to hear what other parts of the world think about our lunacy.  It's surprising to hear members of British Parliament ripping the U.S. government and calling us a "two party dictatorship." That is a fair description I am afraid.

The new look of models in the United Kingdom

The report now is about how Iceland may be the first country to outlaw internet pornography. Just like the people in this country are saying "once they take our guns what is next?" the people of Iceland are saying "once you take away our on-line porn what is the next thing you will take away from our freedom of speech (internet)?" This whole thing is a slippery slope. You know me, always trying to stay in the MIDDLE of most issues until I feel I have heard enough from both sides but, since my background educationally and professionally off-and-on throughout the years has been in media, I feel a bit more strongly on freedom of speech (mainly because I am more educated on this topic than I am on most others). Taking away this freedom, once given, is always gonna have huge ramifications.

I really like this news show. They talk about countries I rarely hear about on our American news shows: Iceland, France, Syria, Germany, Israel, UK (1/4 of all women there are now obese). I am sure they have their agenda but I am well aware of the American media agenda and I am tired of it. I sense maybe there is propaganda going on here too but I am not sure if it is geared toward me but maybe that's how it begins? Bottom line for all mainstream media, I am certain. is money.

Fashion advertising in the UK is changing now to make their models look like real people (fat and ugly). Heavy people and ugly people are now becoming the new models across the pond. I predict this trend coming over here very soon. Maybe I should start a plus-size/ugly people modelling agency. Do most ugly people know that they're ugly? I don't. Actually maybe I do since I just said I didn't know I am ugly. I know I'm fat but I am fairly certain I could be my own poster-child for my business (fat and ugly). Matt and Ugly's Modelling Agency? I think I like that.

They spelled my name wrong!

I am gonna grab a shower and head down to my own personal shopping mall and just walk around. Never hurts to get an early morning walk in and how AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) of me is it to walk around a mall before they are open? This is the year I get to join the AARP. I am pretty sure I am going to join. I wonder how much of a price break I would have gotten on this hotel as a card-carrying geriatric? Even though few Americans get to retire anymore I may as well at least get some kind of benefit for being screwed by my country for the past 35 years since entering the American dream work-force. When they said "The American Dream" I didn't realize it was actually "America's Dream." It was the country's dream that we all work and give them most of our money through all of the various taxes and programs that we had to fund while they convinced us that socialism and communism were evil. I am sure our country wouldn't lie to us about things like that. 

Have a great day. Thanks for stopping by. I am sorry that the blog turned a little on the darker side toward the end - this is why I don't usually watch news programs. I am not mature enough to handle them. And to think I worked in that business for awhile. If you haven't listened yet check out our 100th episode of Dirty Laundry Podcast. TTTT (probably tomorrow while I am up hours before everybody else again)...MITM (out for my early morning mall walk). TA!

Is Your Couch Available (shrink needed)

I have what you might call an obsessive personality. Some people call what they have drive but I prefer to call mine obsession. They are the same thing just one sounds more acceptable than the other but we all know that they are the same thing. I wish I could channel it into something worthwhile but it has a screwed-up mind of it's own. I am currently obsessed with taking Dirty Laundry Podcast to the next step. I am not sure what the next step is though. Podcasting is a fairly new medium so there is not a whole bunch of history to follow. Do I start my own network? Most of the, so called, networks I find are just a bunch of famous friends who have circled their wagons together. I have tried to reach-out to some of these people but I am pretty much a nobody to them. I guess I am sort of a pioneer in podcasting. It's not really brand new; it's maybe a toddler but I am going to have to think of myself as a pioneer to move forward with this thing. There is nothing wrong with the way we do the show now but I imagine it's just human nature to want more and grow. I think we have a podcast that can turn goat-piss into gasoline and everyone should get onboard.

I just took a break and sent a message to a "friend" who started a large podcasting network awhile back. It is a very large podcasting network in Hollywood. I have a character flaw that does not allow me to ask people for help very often so this is a huge deal for me. I have no idea what the character issue is about but if I cannot figure things out I usually think that it is something that doesn't need to be done. I am a person who will always help people, even perfect strangers, when they ask yet I won't ask anyone. I have to really need something done badly and have no place else to turn to ask somebody for something. In turn, I almost always help people if they ask for anything. I really should see somebody about this deal. Maybe I just feel I am not worthy. I am pretty much an old dog now so I may as well just stick with my old tricks at this point. See, I won't even ask anybody for help with a mental issue - that explains a lot.

I have not watched one single awards show or all-star game in about three years and I plan to continue my boycott of these ridiculous displays ever again. Maybe if Ricky Gervais hosts an awards show again I will consider watching. He called a spade a spade and poked fun of the festivities and the participants and has pretty much been banned ever since.

There are talks of getting rid of the penny. I am speaking of the United States coin worth one cent when I say "penny" for anybody who doesn't remember these little brown pieces of metal. Now, after several years, these things will finally be worth something. I remember when we used them to buy gumballs from machines but that hasn't been for quite awhile now. Now will they put little dishes next to cash registers for nickels? Most of us seldom even use cash anymore but what will they do without pennies? They will have to round anything we purchase to the nearest five cents. So, will sales tax have to be adjusted? Will prices of things have to be changed so when we purchase things the total will have come out to something that is multiplied by five?

I am out of things to blog about and it's just about 2AM so I think I should try to get a couple of hours of shut-eye. I hope you have a great day. I am going to have a good one because after I work my Monday (your Thursday) I have three days off. Pending weekends and days-off always changes outlooks on things don't you thin? Thanks a lot for stopping by and for listening to the podcast before we get huge; I really appreciate you, TTTT (probably)...MITM (out to just lie here trying to sleep). TA!

No News Really IS Good News

Well, load number 100 of Dirty Laundry Podcast is finally in the can. I just got out of the studio. I had been in there for about eight hours total. It doesn't seem like I am in there that long until I am done. I really enjoy doing the show and the editing or I wouldn't do it. The same for the blog that turns 801 today but doesn't take nearly as long to produce. I think I am gonna take a nap when I am done writing this since I am off today and I am pretty tired (good reasons, huh?). My left eye has been twitching a lot lately and I am not sure if I am tired (always) or I have eye strain or I am gonna have a stroke or something. No MATTer which - I am ready.

I am heading to St. Louis in a few days and I am excited. I really like St. Louis even though I recently learned that it is currently the number one violent city in America. It is usually third behind Flint and Detroit, Michigan but it is number one right now. I wish it were baseball season so we could catch a Cardinals' game but maybe The Blues will be in town. I haven't been up in The Arch for awhile so maybe I'll have to check that out again. Weird, we played a blues song on the podcast this week. The St. Louis Blues are named after the music genre in case you didn't know. They were originally the Memphis Blues but they moved. Blues in St. Louis still makes sense though not quite as much.

So, are The Academy Awards the next "we love ourselves fest?" I think the last one was the NBA All-star game. Pretty soon spring will be here and people will worry about doing their jobs rather than reminding us how great they are for doing jobs most of us would lobe to be able to do. It sure doesn't feel like spring will be here soon since we have been having the worst part of winter so far. They have always said that February is the coldest month of the year in the MIDDLEwest and it seems "they" night be correct.

I have not watched much news the last 36 hours so I am not really sure what is going on in the world. I am usually happier when I don't know what the media wants me to know. Rarely are good things reported so I don't listen to the news too often. I prefer entertainment that makes me happy rather than the stuff meant to scare me and make me sad and angry.

I think I am going to end and take that nap I have been thinking about. Maybe my eye will stop twitching when I wake up. Thanks for spending a few minutes here today. Sorry it isn't more but I really need to sleep. Have a great rest of your day and night. I will blog again in the morning with a bit more substance most likely.  TTTT...MITM (zzzzzzzzzzzz)

800th Blog as Lame as the First Times 800

I am in an extraordinarily good mood this morning. That was even before I realized that it is Presidents' Day and this is my 800th blog. It also has nothing to do with the fact that tomorrow we will record our 100th Dirty Laundry Podcast. Those are all pretty cool things but it has more to do with tonight being my Friday and having three days off next week and getting to see Splenda for her 21st birthday (which was the 5th but she was busy at school and being called for jury duty twice since then). She was called for jury duty for two separate cases. The first she actually served on the jury and the second she was not selected. What's the deal with the legal system down south? Are there too many people not registered or are there so many convicted felons that the jury pool is shallow?

This is the hardest part of the week to blog because of the podcast. I try really hard not to repeat things and everything in my mind is extremely entertaining and significant to everyone in the entire world so I have to decide what to use here and what to use there. 800 vs. 100 but I think the 100 is more impressive for some reason. Maybe because the podcast requires more prep and more time to produce and the blog is just me emptying my cob webs through my fingers from time to time.

I wish I had something worth blogging about but I don't. I am even making myself sleepy as I type this one. zzzzzz. (insert eight hours here)

Now it is eight hours later and six of that was sleeping. Being a day sleeper as I have had to become I love days like today. It is gloomy and cold and rainy. That makes it good for we Nosferatu to sleep. Maybe the plural for Nosferatu is Nosferata? Spell-check with the little red squiggly tells me I am incorrect but many times I have been correct when Spell-check has been incorrect. Spell-check and I have a little bit of history.        

How cool is it that Illinois has another politician headed to prison? Jesse Jackson Jr. is the most recent in a long line of distinguished leaders in our state to have to serve jail time. Our state has had quite a history of fun going back to Al Capone and John Dillinger and way before that. I am guessing that New York has a more storied history of crooked politicians but we are surely the second city (second state) in more than just comedy in this country.

Being awake all night allows me a lot of time to listen to a lot of radio. Radio is kind of a lost joy in this country. It is interesting how technology changes everything. Video Killed the Radio star was the first video played on MTV for a reason. For those of you too young to remember - the M in MTV used to stand for Music instead of Mindless as it does now. My generation was probably a huge part of the transformation from radio being replaced by television; why isn't there room for both? Television is slowly being the technology of the past too now that we have all of the "on-demand" things in our lives. We want things when we want them and that has and always will be human nature. Podcasts are trying to help the art of radio (accompanied with the on-demand feature) to live in a new way. Anyway, I listened to the story of country star Mindy McCready killing herself almost all night. I had seen here on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew a couple of years back and I thought she seemed like a really nice person. I am not a country music fan so I had never even heard her name until then (2010 I think).  It was a really sad story. She just had a baby about a year ago and the father of the baby killed himself in January and now she did the same. I cannot help but think of the baby growing up with zero memory of either parents. I had heard that Mindy had "a relationship" with baseball dope Roger Clemens (allegedly) when she was 15-years-old that lasted for ten years. When I met him in Chicago while he was still pitching for the Boston Red Sox she was probably waiting for him back in the hotel room. What a creep. I guess that autographed ball has taken yet another hit (pun intended). It sound s like his wife even knew about the "relationship" and called he a family friend. They say that this was the fifth person who was on Dr. Drew's show that has died before their time: McCready (shot herself), Alice in Chains bass player Mike Starr (prescription overdose), actor Jeff Conaway from Grease and Taxi (accidental overdose), Real World (MTV) star Joey Kovar  (opiate intoxication) and Rodney "can't we all get along?" King ("accidental drowning" thought to have been caused by drug use). Seems like Dr. Drew is gonna be making the talk show circuit trying to say why he is not responsible. I have watched a lot of that show and it just seemed like a networking seminar of druggies to me.

It took me all day, along with an eight-hour break, to write this blog and I am sure it is well worth it. Thanks a lot for reading the blog so I feel like I am a writer and using my education. All kidding aside, I cannot express how much I really do appreciate you. Have a great MY FRIDAY and remember the new podcast is only a couple of days away. TTTT...MITM (already prepping for 801) TA!

Women & Same-sex Rights and Prayer! Bleeding-heart Blog

Now that gay marriage is finally happening in Illinois it's time to make women equal too. The Harlem Globe Trotters have women players so why not the NBA or the NHL or MLB or the MLS or the NFL? The Globetrotters have had nine women players since the 90's. Would that have to go state-by-state too? Why can't we just say gay marriage everywhere and women in all sports (based-on equal criteria)? We have too many cavemen making decisions for our country. Whatever happened to the Geico cavemen? I bet the gecko had them whacked because they were thinking in the Stone-age  He probably had some kind of a policy on them and then an "accident" occurred. I am surprised that he is even still working or is that just part of the alibi and he will retire soon himself? There is a women (Fawzie Koofi ) who will probably run for President of Afghanistan in 2014. When she was born her mother wished her dead so she would not have to go through the same struggles that she had endured as a female in such a backward place. We have had women running for President (and made it to the top two of their parties) and there is talk that Hillary Clinton may try again in 2016. It would be amazing if Afghanistan did it before us to show how we are standing still while the rest of the world blows by us. We need some kind of a boost. Koofi even says that she will probably be assassinated but feels it is worth it to make progress for other women in Afghanistan. Amazing! I am sure the new Pope will be a woman though, right?

I am pretty sure that I have made my stance on all-star games and awards shows pretty clear. In case you are unaware - I HATE THEM. They are just a bunch or people who have accomplished everything in their lives that they ever want to accomplish (fame, fortune, happiness...) and now they have to rub our faces in it and remind us how much better they think they are than the rest of us. Now there is an all-star addition of The Celebrity Apprentice coming up. Celebs and All-stars, cool. I suppose all of the all-star games are filled with celebrities so that is kind of redundant isn't it? But, this circus is lead by a clown rather than a ringmaster - Donald Trump. Gary Busey an all-star? What is the criteria? Being a total loon? Is Meatloaf gonna be there too? I think he is smart enough to know better than go back on that show. Stephen Baldwin. Omarosa... where would these people ever be all-stars? Train Wreck All-Stars.

It's 6PM and I have just been awake for an hour. I spent eight hours in the cold last night and it apparently made me sleepy. I think I have been fighting sickness for several weeks and now I am pretty stuffed-up. I also think I have sinus issues so it could just be that. I am slowly becoming one of those old people that have every ailment known to mankind. I think my bursitis is acting-up too. I don't really know what bursitis is but I remember hearing all of the time on television back in the 1970's. It may be acting up and I don't know what it is. Maybe they cured it, whatever it is? Hold on and I'll see what it is. I looked it up and it is an inflammation of a bursa. That makes sense. Hold on again - I have to see what a bursa is. Bursa is a city in southwest Turkey so I'm not sure how that has any effect on me. I found a different definition that makes more sense - a bursa is "a tiny fluid-filled sac that functions as a gliding surface to reduce friction between tissues of the body." I am more concerned about the fluid in my nose that I need to use a tissue for. I am gonna bring sexy bursitis back! Mine is in my foot so maybe it is just from a lot of walking without enough toes in the tundra?

Yesterday I visited the place where five young people tragically lost their lives five years ago in our town. I remember it like it was yesterday. It is weird when people say that kind of thing like, "I remember exactly where I was when President Kennedy was shot" and things like that. I actually do know where I was when President Kennedy was shot but just from what I have been told not what I remember - isn't that how conspiracies begin? And I do remember the day these people lost their lives like it was yesterday. I remember driving home and seeing several helicopters hovering above my town. The day that these kids were killed forever changed the way we think in our small MIDDLEwest farm town. You know that I am not a religious person and it may be hypocritical but I said a prayer to whoever is upstairs when I saw these five memorials. No matter what lack of relationship I have with whatever/whoever "is upstairs" I figured it couldn't hurt. I even prefaced the little voice talk in my head with silently saying that maybe it is okay since I am not asking/saying anything for me personally. I prayed for the spirits and memories of these five kids and that their families have found some relief since they were robbed of the joy of their loved-ones. I figured if there is someone sitting in a chair in the clouds they know I did not do it to position myself to win the lottery or thank him/her/it on television for scoring a touchdown in a pre-season football game or anything so maybe "he/she/it" will take it more seriously. It's funny how each and every one of us has a different interpretation of what goes on up above the clouds isn't it? Now I have made myself sad again. I wish I could be an a-hole like my former bosses sometimes - No I don't!

I will not blog again until Monday so I guess it works well that I am not blogging until 6PM on a Friday night today. If you are planning to marry your same-sex partner in Illinois please consider coming on Dirty Laundry Podcast and talking about it. If you are I am extremely excited for you and for the fact that our state cares about peoples' feelings and rights as well as their own agenda. Have a great weekend and thanks a lot for being here. TTTM...MITM (limping out) TA!

My Bloggy Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day. Cha Cha and I went out for Valentine's Day last night. We went to City Winery in Chicago for dinner and to see Kathleen Madigan. I think I had mentioned in a previous blog that we had seen her before and I wasn't overly excited to see her but Cha Cha really likes her and I just like to go out on the town so I am pretty much in on anything. Wednesdays seem to be our date nights so this worked out very well for several reasons. I think the reason that I don't like to see comics much is because I managed a Zanies Comedy Club for about two years so I have a hard time finding stand-up funny. I find a lot of stand-up predictable which may come from hearing the same shows nine times a week. I have to say that I had a great time. The opening act - Stephanie McCue (not sure on spelling) did about a half-hour and she was funny. Kathleen Madigan came on and I think I laughed continuously for the entire 60+ minutes she was on. If you get a chance I would go see her; I would go see her again for certain. I even learn that she is from St. Louis which made me like her all the more. She, as I often do as well, reminded the room full of Cubs fans how inferior their team is to our Cardinals. She never mentioned my favorite anti-Cub comment (1908) but she did just fine. That reminds me that we are heading to St. Louis very soon (less than two weeks now). I love that town! Hit me up if you're gonna be home then Kathleen and we'll do some Muscat - all the cool kids are doing it.

The restaurant was pretty good but I really liked the venue. We started-out with ordering the wine (it IS called City Winery after all) . Cha Cha had a carafe of the 2012 Melbac from Mendoza, Argentina and I had a bottle of the 2011 Vignalta Fior d'Arancio which is an Orange Muscat from Colli Eugenei, Italy. I figured if was gonna drive a Fiat to a winery I was gonna drink Italian (actually I didn't even realize it was Italian until I just checked right now). I just like Muscat because I like sweet and bubbly (you are what you drink). Our table was small and when they brought my wine I was shocked that it came in an ice bucket half the size of the table. I really liked the wine/champagne I guess it really was. To eat we had Burrata (like a do-it-yourself bruschetta) and a cheese plate with a bunch or very different cheeses as appetizers. The we were still hungry so I had the Margherita Flatbread and Cha Cha had the Beef Sliders. The food was very good.

Hard to believe that this is My Valentine

Cha Cha's favorite part of the night was when we got back in the car on the way home (get your mind out of the gutter). She had tweeted Kathleen on the way to the show saying that we were stuck in traffic and asking her to order cheese sticks for us. When we got back in the car Cha Cha checked Twitter and Madigan had tweeted her back asking "would the Risotto Balls be okay?" I am not sure if those are the exact words of the tweet but Cha Cha was so excited I thought I would have to pull the car over to let her pee so she didn't pee her pants. Why do they say "I am so excited I could pee my pants?" That has been more of an issue of when I drank too much rather than when I was excited.

I guaran-damn-tee we will talk a lot about our night out on the 100th load of Dirty Laundry Podcast next week. (in case you haven't figured it out the underlined red words are links - it only took me about 800 blogs to spell that out). #798 to be more precise.

I really dislike radio trivia contests now. I used to really like them because I usually knew all of the answers and have won plenty of stuff that way. Now, with Google and all of the other cheat-sheets, everybody knows everything instantly. I don't even try any longer. It always surprises me what I have retained like: what is Shaggy from Scooby Doo's real name or who played Hazel or how many holes it takes to fill The Albert Hall but I have a hard time remembering my PIN number once in awhile. I would answer all of those for you here but you can Google them if you care.

I was just out and saw three huge tour buses rolling into town. I am guessing that the Miranda Lambert and Dirks Bentley concert is tonight. I worked security backstage last time Lambert was here two or three years ago and she does not impress me. I wouldn't walk to the end of my driveway to see that concert. In fact. if it was at the end of my driveway, I would probably call the cops for noise issues and maybe a permit violation.  To be fair, I am not a country music fan as you may have surmised.  I never said anything about the concert at the time but now that I have a better top secret job serving and protecting I feel I can talk about that one since there was never any confidentiality agreement though when I work somewhere I know to keep what is private private.

Today is the day that the Illinois State Senate votes on the bill to allow gay marriage in my state. I really hope they pass this bill. I have lots of gay friends and I want them to be happy (ironic). I don't have to speak much about that because if you have ever listened to the podcast or have read this blog for very long you know how I feel about this issue. I am a live-and-let-live kinda dude. I bet this is another thing we will talk on the 100th episode of the podcast next week. I feel like the room at the show last night was about 60% filled with people who may get married should this bill pass. Do the right thing Senate!

I have drudged on long enough. If you haven't listened to the newest podcast it is  up and has only been since yesterday so it is very new. If Kathleen Madigan comes to your town go see her! Now your entertainment calendar is a little fuller. Thank you a lot for being here, as always. I really do appreciate you. Have a fantastic day. I should be able to blog tomorrow. TTTT...MITM #30#

Ass Wednesday Blog!

Happy Ass Wednesday

Today is one of those days that I have a problem with. Why are there days made just to poke fun of me and people like me? Ass Wednesday is totally unnecessary. We know what we are are cannot help it but we try. I have to look and see what the real definition is - BRB (that's how the cool kids say "be right back" - at least they did ten years ago). I sure got an eye-full when I searched Ass Wednesday. Is it just a coincidence that there also a religious deal called Ash Wednesday too or what?

While typing this I am watching my next wife on television. I have no plans of being without Cha Cha but if something were to happen between us I would begin courting Judge Judy. I think all of the people in the courtroom are extras. I used to think that the people in the crowd or gallery or whatever it's called in a courtroom were people who lined-up the day of the taping or were friends of someone on the show and were people just watching the proceedings. I now am beginning to think that they are paid extras. The people right behind the litigants are always beautiful young women. I guess they could let people in and then tell them where they are sitting and just seat them that way but I believe them to be paid actors. I just base this on my observations.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast has been launched. I got tired of saying "uploaded." Launched makes more sense too I think because you get it from outer space. How can so many things be in the ether and it never gets full? We used to worry about air pollution but now we just have stuff travelling through the air all of the time and think nothing of it. I guess if we cannot see these things it is okay.

I have to end this already because I have to get ready to head to Chi-town to see Kathleen Madigan. We are eating at some place called Chicago Winery where she is preforming. I wonder if they have wine? This will give Cha Cha a chance to try some new wine to review on Cha Cha's Whining on next week's show. I bet they sell bottles to go to wouldn't you imagine? It looks like a pretty nice place. I checked-out their menu because we are going early to eat there too and I am still not sure what to order. I am not really sure that I am even certain how to order. I have started a new eating program a couple of days ago to prepare for the triathlon I am running in September which even confuses the process even more. I predict veggies and water. Better than bread and water I guess.

We are leaving in 20 minutes and I haven't even showered yet. I have to leave - really this time. Have a great night and I will have more to blog about tomorrow - which I will probably write tonight when we get home. I sure do run-on at the fingers for a guy who is supposed to be in a hurry. I suppose I know that I am not in that big of a hurry because Cha Cha hasn't started to get ready either and she takes 63% longer than I do to get ready and I get antsy when I am ready first which is always. I have so many mental issues. TTTT...MITM (SSS'ing without the first S but SS has such a negative connotation coming from a guy who was born in German) TA!

It's a Blog from God! (about God - I'm certainly no god)

Happy Matt Tuesday. It's also Abraham Lincoln's birthday and Charles Darwin's birthday. It's nice to celebrate three of the world's greats all at one time. Maybe Black History Month is in February because of Abraham Lincoln's birthday? Does Africa have White History Month? Does anybody have Charlize Theron's phone number?

We record Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight whenever Cha Cha gets home. She is "going out for a few drinks with some of the ladies from work" so we will see when she gets home. My bet she is home later than sooner. This week is our 99th show. If my math is correct (and this us Math Tuesday) that makes next week our 100th show. I am not sure why we have to make big deals out of anniversary episodes and certain number shows (like 100). Maybe it is just to try to create a little extra excitement in hopes that people will think, "if it lasted this long there must be something to it."

The Pope quit and there is currently a shoot-out with the "Rogue Cop" in California who has become a cult-hero ala John Rambo. This guy got fired and then threatened to kill the people (their families) that were instrumental in his "wrongful firing." How long until these is a television movie made about this situation? I gibe it four months. About the Pope - I saw on the news this morning that "the day the Pope announced his quitting lightning stuck the Vatican." The spokesman for the the Catholic Church said that it was a sign from God that he is behind everything that is going on. It couldn't be a sign from God saying hey sexist, pedophiliacs (it should be a word - actually no, it shouldn't even exist to have to have a word for it) get your crap together. I wonder of South Park is going to touch on any of this? The Book of Roman? (patent/trademark/copyright)

Tonight on the podcast, if Cha Cha makes an appearance, we are going to reveal our lists for top ten comedy television shows of all time in response to some listener mail. We already have some of your suggestions to discuss and we have our Entertainment Editor Greg Weindorf's list. Humor is so subjection that I know there will be several different versions. There will be many that are the same but I have a feeling that there are two on my list that are probably not on any other lists. I still have to whittle my top 15 down to ten and I will do that as soon as I get done with this blog. If you read this before say 8PM CST send them and we will read yours too (show me yours and I'll show you mine). Dirtylaundrypodcast.com

I am hungry because I have started again (yesterday). Maybe Matt Tuesday was all that I needed to remind me that I don't want any more Fat Tuesdays. I am going to wrap-up to get something to eat and start prepping for the show. Thanks a lot for dropping by. Have a great night (I think tomorrow is when we go see Kathleen Madigan but I got married so I don't have to remember stuff so I will find out later if that is this week or next. I also think that we decided to go to Florida this summer. We thought Disney and Universal Studios would be fun now that we are all 16 or OLDER. If not, the ocean isn't too far. Fabio doesn't really remember either one. Okay - TTTT...MITM (gone)

Post Blog - our homeowner's association meeting is tonight and I wouldn't go if it meant my death. They have a Facebook page for our subdivision and we have a lot of loons here (and I am not talking about the lake out front either). Maybe we will talk about that tonight too? TA Part Deux

Happy Matt Tuesday Eve

I wish jars were still made out of glass. That doesn't even have anything to do with the fact that plastics are slowly choking our planet. I hate that the extrusion method, or whatever the reason, makes it impossible to get all of the peanut butter out of the jug (I cannot even bring myself to call it a jar). In this case I am speaking about Skippy. Glass bottles and jars don't have all of the curves which stop a spoon from cleaning the sides of the container. I cannot help but think that they are trying to make me buy more peanut butter quicker. I am half-tempted to cut the "jar" up just to get it cleaned out. I will be more vigilant on my semi-solid product purchases - liquids don't matter because they could just be poured regardless of container shape. I have searched the internet and there are many peanut butters that have "straight" containers and I will choose them from now on. There is even prejudice in the peanut butter container world. I guess the politically correct term is "longitudinally challenged".

Tomorrow is Matt Tuesday. I am registered at Wal-Matt and K-Matt if you're needing gift ideas.

I guess Pope Benedict the whatever number is quitting at the end of February. It's really weird because yesterday I was flipping channels and The DiVinci Code was on television. I like the movie but, though I do like Tom Hanks, I thought Hanks' character was annoying. He seemed condescending and he was a know-it-all. Maybe he was a know-it-all  but he shouldn't have rubbed people's faces in it. Anyway, why does a Pope step-down? I am sure we will hear about it for the rest of the month, I really could not care less. Now we will have to see if there is gray smoke or white smoke blah blah blah. It's like they're still in the 16th century. I guarantee one thing - the new Pope will be an old white dude. A woman will not even be mentioned as a potential Pope. Maybe 14th century,

I am really tired so I am not going to go much longer today. I took a Benadryl too because I have a terrible sinus headache and I am pretty sure I am getting sick so I need a sleep assistant that will clear my sinuses.

Friday I filled the 4 Runner's tank and the fuel price that morning was $3.67. It cost about $70.00. I am happy I did because the next morning it was $3.81 per gallon. I know that isn't that much extra money but it is the principal. I am sure they were knowing that the east coast was going to have weather problems and they are all about hitting us while we're down. Actually it is THAT MUCH EXTRA MONEY or they wouldn't do it - it adds up to billions for them.

I have to end - I cannot keep my eyes open. It has been a tough last three days for me. I will do better tomorrow probably. TTTT...MITM (zzzzzzzz) TA!

NEMO Blog (looks like MEMO doesn't it?)

I do not feel like blogging but I said I probably would blog so I will. I will never get to my 800th blog and beyond by not blogging. I don't think that people are on the internet as much on the weekends as they are during the week but this weekend may be different since we are pretty snowy now in the MIDDLEwest and the East Coast is expecting to get hit by some storm called NEMO. Hurricanes and tropical storms have been named for years and now The Weather Channel is finding death and destruction is more marketable if they name storms too. Is NEMO named after the Disney fish? Captain Nemo? Is it an acronym (like North Eastern Mega Ouch or Name Entertainment Might Opportunize)? The Latin word "nemo" means "no man" or "no one." So, does that mean that "no one" will survive? "No one" will like it? "No one" knows what it means? Is EVERYTHING marketing now - even death and destruction? Maybe someone was just sending a "MEMO - East Coast Storm Coming" and the  typo and it just stuck?  I hope the best for the people of the Northeast who are still recovering from.... what was the name of that last storm? Sandy I think. That's right -Superstorm Sandy. We love acronyms and alliteration. It IS winter and stuff like this DOES happen in the East and the MIDDLE. Just like when they are surprised in coastal towns when they get hurricanes and tsunamis. Imagine back in the days when they weren't even aware that it was coming until it arrived. At least now we can prepare somewhat.

Cha Cha and I are going to see Kathleen Madigan this coming week. I like her okay but Cha Cha really likes her. We have seen her before and we (that is the Royal "we") thought that would be fun  for Valentine's Day. It will be fun but I would have chosen something different. She doesn't read the blog (Cha Cha, that is - though I would be very surprised if Kathleen did) so I won't tell her that I am not as excited as she is. Who says guys can't fake it too? I just like being Matt About Town and Chicago is almost always a good time.

Did you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast yet? I just couldn't think of a segue so I threw that in here. Now, back the blog already in progress.

Clint Eastwood is saying that "Congress just doesn't care." I am a big fan of Eastwood's films and always have been but he and I are pretty-much polar-opposites politically but I think we are on the same page with that quote. I know we both want bi-partisan politics because that is the only way that things can be resolved. Since I have begun watching House of Cards on Netflix I cannot help but thinking about that show while thinking politics. Ha...I am watching The West Wing on Netflix right now - and I say I am not political. I recommend House of Cards highly. I would be watching it now but Cha Cha and I have been watching it together and I wouldn't feel right watching it without her. I think she is close to not watching it anymore but until then I will be loyal. She says that she doesn't really like the characters. They are mostly despicable people but I have a feeling that is how politicians are. I HATE THIS LAPTOP! (sorry)

Thanks for stopping-in. I doubt that I will blog again before Monday. Have a great YOUR weekend - I have other plans. If it isn't your weekend you can have what I will be having. TTTM...MITM (trying to figure out dinner) TA!

Irony Wrapped in a Blog

It's 05:00 and I have been up for about three hours. I cannot believe it has taken me this long to begin blogging. I was listening to the new Dirty Laundry Podcast and watching the news for a lot of that time. I always listen to the new podcasts right away. I tell myself it is to make sure the show sounds good but I find that I really enjoy the show. Maybe I am a bit narcissistic? I don't think that is true because, though I seem very confident most of the time, I second-guess almost every decision I make. I stick with them once I make them but I always question them. 87.3456% of the time I have made the correct decisions. Does that have anything to do with narcissism? That is more about falling in love with your own image. I am more of a "talks just because he likes the sound of his own voice" kinda guy. See, second guessing but I think I may be wrong this time. Narcissus should have second-guessed a little more methinks.

One of the things that I heard on the news was about a lady in Chicago that called 911 and reported that her child was kidnapped. It sounds sad but they found the child at daycare where he went every day. Apparently, she had gotten her car stolen awhile back and thought the police would try harder to find her car if she said it was stolen with the child in the car. She was correct; they found the car. But now she is in jail on a felony charge of reporting a fake kidnapping. Ironic that now she doesn't need the car that the police found. I think that's irony, right? Yes it is. Unlike the Alanis Morisette song Isn't it Ironic which talks about events that are unfortunate but not ironic. Maybe that is actually the irony - that the things mentioned in the song Isn't it Ironic aren't actually ironic. Don't ya think? Ironic!

Next week Cha Cha and I are going to see Kathleen Madigan in Chicago. With the Bulls game and The Book of Mormon a couple of weeks ago and now this I should probably get a flat in Chicago. With the prices of apartments in Chicago when I say a flat I am talking about a refrigerator box unfolded so it is flat and I won't have to sleep on the cold ground. Or just park my car in an alley and let the air out of the tires. I can call it a flat, nobody can easily drive it off and if police stop over and try to give me a hassle I can just say I am waiting for the tow truck. I think there is another thing we're doing in Chicago soon too but cannot think of it. We are also going to St. Louis in a couple of weeks. There are so many reasons that I am Matt In The MIDDLE. My jurisdiction is the entire MIDDLEwest. I just do things so I have stuff to talk about here and on the podcast.

Valentine's Day is next week. I think that's why we're going to the city again. Valentine's Day is just another day to make the jerks who don't ordinarily appreciate the ladies. Sweetest Day is another one of those. Yes, they are also days that the greeting card and chocolate and restaurant and jewelry industries keep alive so they can stay in business but they are important to many. There I go with my disdain for capitalism; it's a great idea but, just like everything else, Americans take it too far. Our enthusiasm is what makes us great but it's also what makes the rest of the world think we are just a little off. That's why I feel right at home here - I am a little off.

Speaking of off... I am off. I think I am going to try to take a nap already. Most of you are getting your day started and I am gonna take a nap (just a little off). This is my Sunday night and tonight is my Monday morning so me taking a nap now is like you going to bed last night (actually Sunday night). Thanks a lot for stopping in. I am not going to proofread this (I seldom proofread the blog as I am certain you have discovered now and again) so if it is perfect you will know what that says about me. My guess is that there will be a lot of mistakes and there will be a lot of weirdness because of that which may also tell you a little about me. TTTT (probably)...MITM (just a little off) TA!

Hump Blog!

I am only eight blogs away from blog number 800. I am not surprised since I don't really know how to shut-up a lot of the time. The blog is further proof that I cannot even keep my big trap shut even when I am alone. I guess when a tree falls in the forest it does make a sound. Blog number 800 and almost at podcast number 100. The blog is more of a daily thing (off-and-on) and the podcast is weekly. Also, the blog had started way before the podcast. I am editing Dirty Laundry Podcast #98 right now and it will be up very soon; we recorded it last night. I really enjoy doing both so I can pretend that I am using my college degree in Matt's Media (mass media / radio-television). I think I need to trademark/copyright/patent that Matt's Media term. Beginning now Dirty Laundry Podcast and Matt In The Middle are both under the Matt's Media umbrella. See, just blabbing (blogging, in this case) does sometimes bare fruit (not that there's anything wrong with that). I need to get some artwork done for Matt's Media so it seems too legit to quit.

I have noticed there are A LOT of cat-people in the world. Facebook photos and statuses have further reinforced this for me. My mom is a cat lady. I think I am allergic to cats and I saw that again yesterday when I went over and visited my parents so I am not a cat person. I am not deathly allergic but my parents don't ever open their windows (seriously, never) and they have five cats in their house (all with their own litter box) so you can just imagine. Further evidence that all of the world loves cats is that the new Monopoly piece has been selected and it's a cat. I am pretty upset by this. I began a campaign (by campaign I mean that I mentioned that I voted and then dropped it at that) to get the helicopter added as the new playing piece  but the stupid cat won. I also voted for the iron to be the piece that they dropped and the iron is the one that was dropped. I would rather have kept the iron than added the cat. I guess I don't have a monopoly on picking pieces it seems.

I am a prisoner today. I let Fabio drive to school. I let him drive to school when I don't have anything outside of the home planned. It does come in handy for him that I am not a day-worker. I guess it may not be a great idea because if something happens with him and the car I won't be able to get to him very quickly but I am one of those dudes that doesn't dwell on too many what-ifs. I do dwell on some but I am a selective what-iffer.

The United States Postal Service (USPS) just announced today that they will discontinue Saturday mail delivery. They are still going to deliver packages, mail-order medicine and express mail on Saturdays but they will no longer deliver letters, cards, catalogs or bills on Saturday. The USPS is slowly dying but they are fighting to survive. The main thing that I have always felt would be to improve your customer service. The people in the post office, I have seen in many post offices, are really crabby and take their sweet-ass time waiting on customers. Customer service is not one of their strong suits. I will feel bad if all of those people lose their jobs but the writing has been on the wall that can no longer be mailed on Saturday unless it is a package or express mail for quite some time. The internet is killing mail just as video killed the radio star. I've seen lots of changes in my half-century on this big blue marble.

The new podcast is just about uploaded and by the time I hit "publish" on this blog you will have already been able to hit the DLP link up above and listen.

Fabio and I both need haircuts so I think I am going to wrap this up and go do that. H may have track practice at 17:00 so we have to get moving. He is waiting on a call because some other sport may be using the gym (it's still too cold to run outside for a Spring sport). Thanks a lot for being here today. I should have more to write about tomorrow as I will only have to focus on one medium rather than two. Have a great rest of you Wednesday afternoon and your Wedsnight. TTTT...MITM (out to try to look presentable). I think there may be dinner out tonight in my future too. TA!

One of those Blogs Where I Should Not Have Blogged!

The Big Game was yesterday. You may know it as the Upersay Owlbay. In case you haven't heard there are products called: Dorito's (some kind of a snack chip with taco and nacho flavorings) that will take-over for sliced bread and there is a couple of muddied water-looking liquids called Coke and Pepsi that are gonna replace water. I knew we'd have to get rid of bread and water sooner or later. Old prison films have told us for years how bad that combination is. Do these companies even need to advertise anymore? 7-Up doesn't seem to need to advertise on the Upersay Owlbay. Pringles? Lays? Now that I think of it I haven't seen a 7-Up commercial in years. They're probably out there but since I DVR most things these days and speed through the commercials maybe the Upersay Owlbay is the only day that people see my commercials so that is a good move. Not only do people see them but the media talks about them for about three days afterward and even judges what commercials were the best. But $3.8 million for 30 seconds? Yet they want us to donate for every charity under the sun. These many $3.8 millions could go along way to help some of the problems in the World instead of perpetuating ones we have like obesity and diabetes... That started out with the intention of being funny and introspective but got serious and sad - sorry.

So, now that The Big Game is over it's on to musicians reminding us how much better they are than we are - The Grammy Awards are coming up. You have gotten to the precipice of your chosen  profession so here's a trophy and the chance to put the words "Grammy Award-winning" on your next multi-million selling mega-seller album. Aren't the sales reward enough (along with the millions of dollars)? I suppose ego is a big part of it really. I can understand that I suppose. I wonder if there's a podcasting category yet.

Hawaii Five-0 must really be having a hard time. If they need people to write scrips for them I would certainly take a shot if they wished. They are re-doing one of the old scripts from Hawaii Five-0 back in the 1970's on tonight's show. Cha Cha and I started watching the new show when it first started but it grew tiresome very quickly so we stopped. I was always impressed, however, how they worked products into their show (even before The Big Bang Theory did) though sometimes it did become a little much. How many times can you zoom in on a Chevy logo? And then a 500 pound man eating Subway sandwiches and then Subway showing us Jarrod Vogel and saying how it is great for losing weight? Mixed signals here dudes. Maybe this Sumo guy is just beginning Jarrod's diet so good on ya mate! That would be a good plot twist.

For this blog I decided to add funny photos instead of pictures that relate to the story. It's like the prize in the box of Cracker Jack.  There's another product that I haven't seen a commercial for in years. I guess they have cornered the market on baseball food that is mentioned in a song about the national past-time that has a prize in it, along with hot dogs, so they don't need the ads anymore. I have seen hot dog ads occasionally and maybe apple pie which brings us back to Chevrolet and Hawaii Five-0.

I seem a little ranty. Spellcheck says that isn't a word but what in the Hell does Spellcheck know anyway. It doesn't even think Spellcheck is a word. It probably is really two words but I am leaving it as one word just to piss Spellcheck off. There are five red squiggly words in this sentence - you're not the boss of me Spellcheck (that's #5).

Sorry to waste your time but I got started and just snowballed. I am tired and achy and a little sniffley (red squiggly) and will blame today's blog on that. Maybe it's amusing reading rants once in a while. You know what they say about train wrecks. Me neither but it probably has something about how they are tragic and costly and could have been avoided and it was due to mechanical failure or engineer error and they tie up traffic and make people late on other trains and stuff. I hope I am more entertaining tomorrow night when we record our 98th podcast (not mentioning it by name and linking it today after I just blabbed about commercials). We are such a big deal, like 7-Up and Cracker Jack, that I don't have to mention our world-wide sensation podcast that is available on iTunes all of the time. Just most of the time.

STOP ALREADY! Is it bad to post a blog that you know is bad just because you wrote it? Is it good for people also to see the bad blogs? When the Pope poops in the woods can anybody hear it? Thanks for being here. I hope at least the photos were worth stopping by for (ending a sentence in back-to-back prepositions - WOW!). Have a great afternight (a new word we should start using). I will be better tomorrow when my breakdown is over or I just won't blog - I promise. It will be my Saturday, along with Splenda's 21st birthday, so I will be in a much better place in my noodle. TTTT...MITM (off his rocker) TA!

Gobbler's Blog! Gobble Gobble

It's 07:00 and I have already worked six hours today and shoveled the driveway. What have you done? Last night was our first real snowfall this Winter. It wasn't really bad. We got about four inches and it was that light fluffy kinda snow as opposed to the wet (whatever the opposite of fluffy is) kind. I shoveled it while on the phone for a little while and while listening to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast. Now you can add started blogging and getting caught up on the Words With Friends games people made moves on over the night.

Hey isn't this Groundhog Day? I bet Spring is coming. I have always thought about going to Woodstock, Illinois to be part of our local festivities but I have never gotten there for it. Woodstock is where the Bill Murray move Groundhog Day was filmed. The real groundhog that tells what we already know is in Punxutawney, Pennsylvania. And Punxutawney Phil is his name-o! I have a real hard time (TWSS) not mentioning Gobbler's Knob - the place in Punxutawney where Phil lives (he rally lives in the zoo - who are they kidding?) I predict that it's about six weeks until Spring. How much do you want to bet the film Groundhog Day will be on television sometime today?

I made a mistake starting this blog because I am pooped. Where does that phrase come from? Too pooped to pop - where does that one come from too? All of a sudden I cannot keep my eyes open and I am yawning a lot.

The Big Game, the artist formerly known as The Super Bowl, is tomorrow. I think The Baltimore Ravens will win. I will bet anything that Harbaugh's team will win. I don't really care that much. I won't get to watch much of the game anyway.
In a couple of weeks we are going to meet Splenda in St. Louis. How can you not think of Meet Me in St. Louis when I say that? Who wants to be my Tootsie Wootsie? Splenda will be 21 in three days and we are going to celebrate with her after the fact. Nobody wants to hang with their parents on their 21st. I turned 21 in the same town that she will turn 21 - Carbondale, Illinois. Weird. I remember my 21st like it was yesterday. Me and a bunch of buddies went downtown. I remember hearing Harry Carey sing on the radio while we were in La Roma Pizza. He sang, "Jodie, Jodie Davis can really talk with that bat" to the tune of Davy Crockett. Jodie Davis had just hit a home run for the Cubs. I also remember going to American Tap and standing at the entrance to the bar and carding people; they didn't card to get in normally but "they" did that night. I have always been so very shy.

I am too pooped to continue to pop. I am going to sleep. It's exactly 08:00 now. I blogged off more than I could type today. I probably won't blog again tomorrow; I learned my lesson today. Have a great weekend and THINK SPRING! Thanks for stopping in and setting a spell. Y'all come back now yea hear? TTTMonday...MITM (pooping out) TA!

Mammaries, Like the Corner of My Blog!

I am pretty sure I am going to smoke at least one turd a day in Hell. But, if I deleted my recent Facebook post fast enough, I may just go to Hell and not have to smoke turds. Sometimes I think my fingers have Tourettes Syndrome. I have to blame my fingers because my mind won't accept any of the blame. Stupid stubborn mind!

I am getting tired of all of the racism regarding witches this time of year. It pretty much starts at Halloween and goes through the entire winter. Are witches a race or is it a lifestyle choice? Maybe what I have been hearing lately isn't negative but since it is said mostly in the winter and meant as bad I am assuming it bad. You have to consider the context and tone of words more than the word itself most of the time. If it were discussed in the nice hot summer it would be a compliment. Funny how the same phrase can have different implications different times of the year. But, are witches tits really that cold? If so, why are witches tits cold? Is it a circulation problem? Maybe it has something to do with them living a long time and it is only about the old witches. Can't they just wave their wands and warm up their boobs? I never heard Darren Stevens complaining. As a person that considers himself a connoisseur of mammaries I say that temperature isn't one of my criteria in awarding the blue ribbon at my Fun Bag Fair each year. Then, if they are cold, why would you wear a brass bra? A nice cold brass bra might be very refreshing on a hot summer's day. Not on a Summer's Eve though methinks.

I was crabbier than ever last night at work. It was the end of the month and it took me a while to remember that and figure that it is usually Mattsruation time fr me. It just seems that having a good work ethic is what makes me crabby a lot of times. When you are around some people who don't care it is very frustrating and I am more of a passive-aggressive type so I mostly internalize my feelings so I don't say things I might regret. There are times that I do vent but it is usually very unpleasant for the person I am venting toward and then, usually in turn, to me. I have learned to blog-it-out later. Don't worry, I am not psychotic or anything; I think the term, in my case, is moody or mildly bi-polar. I exaggerate for blog effect but I am one moody cuss. See, I feel better already - thank you.

I just made dinner. I made Crab Cakes and a rice dish. I forgot the peas or broccoli; damn it! If you want to make some really good Crab Cakes get Williams Sonoma's Crab Cake Mix. I feel weird sometimes mentioning specific products on here like you are gonna feel that I am getting paid or something but I am not. I just want to share with you good things when I find them. I am certainly not saying that I would not turn away money if people wanted to pay me to promote their products but I would still have to believe in the product. That is the new way of advertising; working products into shows, movies.... I have noticed in on The Big Bang Theory for a really long time. They always throw-in real products by specific name in the show as we would really do in every day life. With the popularity of the digital video recorder (DVR) they have to do something I guess. It still frosts my cookies that we now have to pay for television (cable, satellite, Netflix...) but they still have more commercials than show in many cases. I always thought they told us, back in the day, that the reason there were commercial was to pay for the programming. Shouldn't our monthly fees now cover that? That is one thing nice about Al Jazeera Television - commercial free. No, I did not just get paid by Netflix or Al Jazeera Television there. If you want to get us to "mention your product in passing" on Dirty Laundry Podcast I am sure we could be per$uaded! Or, just ask.

Black History Month begins today. Since Martin Luther King Jr. Day isn't actually celebrated on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday why don't they move that to February? Better yet, just make January Black History Month. Why does it have to be in February - the shortest month of the year? Also, Jackie Robinson's birthday was yesterday and he was pretty pivotal in African-American advancement in this country. Can you even think of sports, other than hockey, without black athletes? February is also the coldest month of the year. Hard to have parades when, like today, we have way below zero temperatures with a wind chill factor of 30 degrees below zero. I call shenanigans!

Just skimming over the blog I really seemed worried about injustice today (witches and blacks being short-changes, workers not pulling their weight, having to double pay for television...). Maybe all that is a symptom of my Mattsruation too huh? I have another issue that I wanted to rail on but did not because it is not my fight and I am afraid that I might just make things worse. In short, one of my very good friends, one of my best friends in fact, is the target of injustice because other people cannot think for themselves and they put money ahead of people. That is all I can say about that but if you are around people like that maybe you are better that they are gone. A-HOLES! The love of money is the root of all A-Holes!!

I think I had better stop. I feel better but I cannot get that brass bra out of my mind now. Where do you get one of those things? Isn't brass expensive? They would have to charge more if you had larger breasts if they made bras out of brass. I have seen when ordering things online over the years that if you order super big sizes they charge you more. I guess because it takes more material? Or, they don't keep those in stock and they have to be custom made? Unless they really took-off (not a witch pun on purpose) all brass brassieres would have to be custom-made. Jeez why do I praddle on so? I am done (promises, promises). Thank you for letting me vent some of my testosterone-induced estrogen; send me your therapy bill and I will ignore it until you put me into collections and then I will dispute it and you will just have to write-it-off. ENOUGH!!!!

Thank you for being here, as always, and thank you for listening to the podcast and liking both Matt In The Middle & Dirty Laundry Podcast on Facebook so I can feel adequate about myself. TTTT (maybe)...MITM (As-Salaam-Alaikum). TA!