Last Blog of 2012 - Guaranteed!

Just Not Great Really!

So, it is the last day of 2012. I didn't care for 2012 all that much so I am not really disappointed to see it go. I cannot think of anything particularly bad that happened in my personal life in 2012 but maybe it was just blah. It was better than 2011 so maybe I am just being too hard on 2012. My favorite number has always been 13 so I have great hopes for 2013. I probably shouldn't have bad-mouthed 2012 until tomorrow. Maybe if the Cardinals had won the World Series I wouldn't be so bitter about 2012.

What's going to happen with our economy in America this year? Why are they just waiting until the last moment to decide on a resolution?  The politicians are just a bunch of babies wanting attention. They will wait until the last moment and agree on a deal or extend the date or something along those lines. They watch too many movies and think everything has to have a big build-up and then a happy ending just in the nick of time (or is it knick of time?). In times gone by this is when the people revolted; when their governments did not have the peoples' best interests in their hearts and minds. I am certainly not calling for anarchy as I am much too lazy to deal with something with that much magnitude that takes that much time and commitment. I would be happy to blog and podcast about it if one of you wants to get one started. I will be the Press Secretary or Communications Liaison or something cool sounding like that.

Not So Much!

I am fairly certain that Cha Cha is totally addicted to Twitter. I know it's mainly because she and I have opposite schedules and we are like ships passing in the night (or day) most of the time. We are both going to work on the "ships" part in 2013. I like my job but it is tough on us both not seeing each other much. I guess if she is going to "step-out" on me it may as well be with Michael Moore and Ricky Gervais and Steve Martin and Jon Stewart and Paula Poundstone and Lewis Black and Michael Ian Black and Garry Shandling and Kathleen Madigan... And about 60 more; I could keep going on and on. Wow, she spends a lot of time with a lot of people. Cha Cha is a Twitter Floozie (patent pending/trademark/copyright).

Why do we sew our clothes and darn our socks? If my socks have holes in them I just damn them and throw them out. Forget the darning - go right to the damning! What about That Darned Cat? Was it a sock cat?

Who will be the first celebrity to die in 2013? I just went through the list of celebs who died in 2012 . I forgot a lot of these people died this/last year. I think I may say that every year. Not always aloud or in a the blog but at least in my head. Not to be wishing bad on anyone but my early money is on George H.W. Bush.

I think Cha Cha and I are going to go see Kathleen Madigan on February 13th in Chicago at City Winery. We've seen her before and she was funny. Cha Cha really likes her. I am not too impressed by most comics since I worked at Zanies Comedy Club for a couple of years. I do not find most comics very funny; maybe it came from hearing the same acts night after night and twice on Fridays and Saturdays? I think most jokes are predictable so I like comics that are a little different or very clever. I also like irreverence like Norm MacDonald has. I am starting to reminisce about what comics I liked when I worked at the comedy club. Do I dare list the ones that I did not like? Maybe I will do that on the podcast this week? Making celebrity enemies might be the way to make the podcast known. What in the Hell is the difference between VIP and Reserved and Premiere? We went with the VIP because they are two-top tables. I asked Cha Cha, "don't you want to meet new people?" She said, "not really." So, that made the decision easy.

I hope you have a great New Year's Eve tonight. Be safe. I am just being selfish because I need you to read the blog and listen to the podcast because you may be one of the only ones. I am glad I will be working to ring in the New Year because if there is no Dick Clark there may as well not be a New Year as far as I am concerned. TTTNY (Next Year)...MITM (one day closer to next year and death) TA!

The Gunt Smoosher - my new product?

What is the deal with tennis shoes? I rarely play tennis in them. Tennies? I call mine Ninies! Sometimes they're called sneakers; I guess I have sneaked in them more than I have played tennis in them. The British call them trainers. Depending on what I am training for I guess I have done that the most; as long as I am training for a walk or a good drive.

I was up late last night and scanning through the channel guide and thought I was going to watch Carrot Top's (Scott Thompson) brother but the show "Muffin Top?" is actually an infomercial for something called the Cami Shaper. I would have called it the Gunt Smoosher (patent/trademark/copyright) but that's why I am not in marketing any more. I really thought Carrot Muffin Top was gonna be funny - you don't get to see brothers of prop comics very often these days. Not since (Leo) Gallagher's brother Ron has there even been an attempt at such a feat.

I switched Dirty Laundry Podcast from the "philosophy" to "comedy" category. We were number 26 most recently in philosophy and we go up and down depending on when we upload new shows. We actually have been number one a couple of times in that category. We thought we would try to switch to comedy to try to gain new listeners. The day we switched, Friday, we entered the category at number 313. The category is much larger since, apparently, more podcasters think they're funny rather than philosophical. This morning I checked and we have gone up 219 places to number 94. We jumped up 219 places; I think that's pretty cool. I think we'll stay in comedy until we get to number one but then where do we go? I guess at that time we go pro. Maybe moving from philosophy to comedy was like going from AA podcasting to AAA podcasting and then pro is next? Overall on Podomatic, our podcasting host, we went up 5,734 spots yesterday (that is for all podcasts regardless of category). I see why people get addicted to the stock market. It's not the money it's just watching the numbers.

I am slowly getting addicted to Twitter. I had said that I am not sure about it but how quickly things change. "Matt The Agitator" is all about the tweets. Maybe it's not slowly but quickly. I have to have more things to do to keep me stressed. I have issues!

Monday is the deadline to avert the Fiscal Cliff. I will be so happy, almost either way, to not to have to ever hear the term "fiscal cliff" ever again. If it isn't solved will we have a Fiscal Avalanche? And then a Fiscal Burying of our Economy? We have to have a cute, catchy phrase for everything.

I have to go put a bookshelf together. Maybe I should have thought about that when I carried it to the car before Christmas. Once and idiot, always an idiot. Vacation is over for me so I may not blog tomorrow. It was nice having a couple of extra days off but it always comes to an end. Have a great day and probably a good tomorrow unless I get a blog up my butt and decide to write again tomorrow. TTT?...MITM (out) TA!

The Miserable Blog!

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I am home one more day and I go back to work tomorrow. I tried to blog yesterday while we were waiting for the Fiat to be serviced (it sounds like we took our car to a house of ill-repute) but the WiFi at the dealer wasn't working properly. It turned out to be quite a bit of rigmarole which actually saved us some money because we would have gone to IKEA had we not had to go back and forth to the dealership three times. To hear all of the fun we had listen to the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. We recorded it last night and I stayed up until about 4:00 AM to get it uploaded. I hope Les Miserables isn't boring or I will be the one snoring. 

I am happy that all of the Christmas stuff is over. The only thing that I will be sad about is that Splenda is heading back to school in the next day or two. It's not like we have seen her all that much as she has been at her boyfriend's house more than she has been here. I think she is still there now or maybe she already headed back to school and forgot to tell us. 

I have to get ready to go see the film. I will let you know about it when we get back. Intermission time.  

We haven't left yet but I went upstairs and asked Fabio if he wanted to go to the movie with us and he asked, "which one?" I said Les Miserables and he said "no." I then asked, "what if it were Django: Unchained?" He asked is that the same one from the people who did Pirates of the Caribbean?"  I asked, "which one is that?" "The one with the "Indian and that cowboy." I feel really old when my son doesn't know who The Lone Ranger is!

We're back from seeing Les Miserables. I would not recommend seeing it. Cha Cha agrees. We will talk a lot more about it on the podcast when we record the new one on Tuesday but in the meantime - save you money. The movie has five stars that I really, really like: Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter and Sasha Baron Cohen so I wanted to like it. The story, written by Victor Hugo, is a great story but I doubt that he pictured it as a musical. When he titled the book he must have known about the musical film to come. Cha Cha and I have watched the version on Netflix with John Malkovich and Gerard Depardieu and liked it a great deal so I guess I would recommend that one over this one. 

Also, if you want to hear a review of Django: Unchained listen to the podcast that was just uploaded this morning (Load 92). Our Entertainment Guru Greg Weindorf sent us in a review of that movie. Spoiler alert...I wish I would have tried harder to convince Cha Cha to listen to Greg.

Of the previews that I saw before today's movie the only one that I am excited to see is Zero Dark Thirty. It is about the hunting down and killing of Osama Bin Laden. It appears to be based on a true story but I am not 100% on that. 

I really don't know what else is going on in the world so I don't know what else to write about. We just heard from Splenda and found that she is not going back to school until Sunday rather than tomorrow. She has spent most of her break in Wheaton so it is nice we may get to see her for a bit tomorrow. Have a great rest of your night and I may blog tomorrow. It is weird being home on Friday night; I like it. TTTT (porbably)...MITM (out) TA! 

Suck It Maya!

It's the waning hour of Christmas. It was a nice day with my parents. I was probably as cordial as I could have been but I was operating on three hours of sleep after getting off work at 06:00. Sometimes, after the things are over, I wish I could have been more fun but we all seemed to have a great time and a great meal thanks to Cha Cha. Tomorrow afternoon Cha Cha's family is coming over and I should be more fun. Tomorrow would normally be my Sunday but I took Thursday and Friday off with Splenda being home from school and Fabio and Cha Cha being off work/school until the beginning of the year.

If anyone wants to borrow The Ricky Gervais Show we have two copies so we will be happy to lend one of them out. Cha Cha and I each got the other the exact same thing; who says you don't turn into the same people when you get married. No wonder I think she is so hot!

Last night I spent about eight hours with a couple of friends with unique perspectives about the gun issues in America. One is from Mexico/Texas and the other is from Croatia (formerly Yugoslavia for you other MIDDLEagers). I was picking their brains for their opinions on the NRA, the recent shooting in Connecticut, gun violence in the world... I feel more prepared for our gun talk on Dirty Laundry Podcast when we discuss the gun issues in America with the owner of Urban Tanks on January 8th. I am hoping to get my Croatian buddy on the show eventually. He has some very interesting perspectives on violence in America coming from a former communist country almost always engulfed in one form or another of civil war. Not to mention that he has a great soviet/Russian-sounding accent which would sound really cool on the podcast - especially since we are listened-to world-wide. I hope he agrees to be on the show.

I will be right back. The washer is warning me that the clothes need to be moved to the dryer. Damn you Maya...I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do laundry anymore (not the podcast kind - I love doing that Dirty Laundry).

Intermission.

Sorry that took so long. After I moved the clothes to the dryer and started another in the washer I thought it was a good idea to put always the clean load of dishes and clean the kitchen. I am certain that the water softener is down there wondering what the Hell is going on up here.

I am kinda stuffed-up. I would trade that for being tired.

Charles Durning and Jack Klugman both died. I have always liked both of their works. I hate when this happens to me but... I thought Jack Klugman was already dead. Even though I know Abe Vigoda is still alive I will probably say that when he dies too. I am not sure if I think it would be cool to die at Christmas time or sad. I guess if I die at Christmas time it won't really MATTer how I will feel any longer will it?

I will probably see a movie over the next few days. Any suggestions? I have seen Skyfall, Lincoln and The Hobbit and am thinking either: Flight, Les Miserables or Django Unchained. I am not sure if Flight is still in theaters, Les Miserables is getting bad reviews and Django is "disrespectful" according to Spike Lee. Maybe I will just wait. Cha Cha and I are still available for the next three days is you require an audience.

I had two bloody marys yesterday morning and I am going to have several more today. I know the place that I am getting them will not be out of bloody mary mix because it is me and I have plenty. I may get more while I am out later this morning just to be safe. Have a great day after Christmas. Hopefully you get another day or two off of work. I will let you know when the new podcast is up...we have to figure out when to record it first. Thank you for continuing to stop by for another year as we get ready to head into 2013 no MATTer what the MAYA say - suck in Maya!!!! TTTT...MITM (stress-free for another three day) OUT. TA!

The Afterlife, so far, Just Feels Like More of the Same!

Welcome to The Happy Hunting Ground. It doesn't seem much different than yesterday. I had always wondered that when I died (in this case because the world ended) I would know I was dead. I am not sure if I died due to the Mayan calendar or due to Snowmageddon or the Snowpocolypse that we had yesterday.

Yesterday in the MIDDLEwest (the Chicagoland area in my case) they were telling us for hours how bad the snow storm that was coming was going to be. We were going to get about seven inches of snow with extremely high winds... Well, we have less than an inch. They talked like we lived on the equator and this was the first time there was snow here in history. We get snow every year about this time so what was the big deal? The big deal was that the radio stations and television stations found a way to keep us tuned to listen to their commercial advertisements. I didn't listen because it was out of my control no MATTer what was coming and I would deal with it as it arrived - which I did. I worked outside for about six-and-a-half hours of the end of the world/snowmageddon in the MIDDLEof the night. The only thing about working outside in the MIDDLE of a cornfield on a night like last night is the high wind. I was, and I am not exaggerating - usually when people say things like that they are exaggerating but I am not - walking with the wind at my back and I was leaning back into the wind and I would say I was almost walking and lying down at the same time. At times, last night, I felt like Yukon Cornelius and at other times I felt like Marcel Marceau (real name Marcel Mangel). That made me read-up on Marcel Marceau - he had a very interesting life. I always got a great vibe from him and now I even respect him all that much more. He survived some real stuff - not like this phony baloney (phologna bologna) Mayan thing.
Cha Cha and I are talking about rerecording Baby, It's Cold Outside. We "sang" it for the most recent Dirty Laundry Podcast and we are confident we can do better; it is a guarantee that we will not do worse. I think we may try it again next week (take two). I hope you don't take that as a threat.

If anybody wants an audience with His Royal Blogness (Podness) I actually have four days off in a week next week. I took two vacation days. We work the same hours everyday of the year. So I took two days after my usual "weekend" next week because Cha Cha is off of work and I thought it would be nice to feel like a real boy for a couple of days. I am pretty sure that I am going to be drunk for two of those four just because I don't get to do that anymore. I am going to drink bloody marys with blue cheese olives because they seem to be an endangered species (scroll down and real Wednesday's blog for further info on that MATTer).

I am so happy that a week from now Christmas will be forgotten for another 360 or so days.

I just heard that the Inca calendar ends on December 28, 2012, The Iroquois calender ends on January 7, 2013. The Seminole Calendar ends on January 12, 2013. The Comanche calendar ends on January 17, 2015. All I know for a fact is that my calendar ends on December 31, 2012. I also know that those other ones I made up. Sorry if you panicked and jumped off of a building.

In less than two weeks we are having a serious National Rifle Association (NRA) discussion on the podcast. We have the owner of a company called Urban Tanks on the show who is a card-carrying member and passionate about the NRA. I hope it to be a discussion with some thought and understanding but I guess it is my job to keep it that way. I am usually The Agitator but for that show I think I may have to dial it down a notch. If you have any questions for either side of the debate please send them to me here or at DirtyLaundryPodcast.com or at our Facebook page.

I have some things to do so I had better get to doing them. I think I am going to watch Bowling For Columbine tonight as suggested by my buddy Michael Moore. I have seen it before a couple of times but I think it may have more significance again given the recent return to the wild west of America. It is on CurrentTV tonight at 5:00PM and 7:30PM (MIDDLE-time) followed by Guns In America at 10:00PM. I am watching them both as research for the podcast I guess. I am around guns literally every single day, mostly in my job, and I just want to make sense of this whole thing in a world that doesn't seem to make sense. Thanks a lot for your input and for stopping in. I may not blog tomorrow but sometimes I get a bug up my butt and need to blog. Some time I just get a bee in my bonnet and then I can wait until Monday; a bug in your butt cannot wait - it has to get out! TTT?...MITM (gone). TA!

Dear Santa: All I Want is...

I just saw a headline in our stupid local newspaper (yes, it is stupid or I wouldn't have written that) that asked "Do You Believe in Santa Claus?" What kind of question is that to put on page two in 36 pt. bold type of a paper lying about where anybody can read it? We worry about what pornography will do to the minds of children but this is okay. There are very few magic things in our lifetimes and Santa is one of the ones that we all know is real so why is that even a question? I did not read the story because I usually, literally, kick this paper to the curb every week. They throw it on our driveway every Wednesday (it's a free piece of crap that everybody in town gets) and I kick it to where the garbage is picked up and when we take the cans to the curb I put it in the recycle bin - still in the plastic wrap sometimes soaked by rain (useless planet-killing plastic bag). There are about three stories in the paper (I have looked once or twice) and the rest is all advertisements and sale flyers. I should save them all up for a year and dump them in their parking lot next Christmas with a note that says "love Santa."

Everybody all the time just wants our money and this is the time of year that people are even more blatant about it than usual. I cannot tell anybody that I don't want anything for Christmas because for some reason there are a few people who will get me crap that I don't need or want anyway. I seriously do not want anything. Here is what I do want: I want people to get along and to respect one another. I want violence against children and helpless animals to completely stop. I want no more hatred. I want people to be able to be whoever they are as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else's rights and wants. I want everyone to have sufficient food, clothing, love and living space. I want the planet to be respected and treated like it's the home that we all share. I want everybody to smile and mean it. I want news agencies (newspapers. television news, radio news...) to shut down because they don't have any tragedies to cover (when is the last time you heard a cheerful news story - other than maybe people doing nice things following a tragedy)? I would settle for one of these things this year. Maybe the Maya thing would just be like hitting the "reset" button and the ones that survive could have learned and make the next round just a little bit nicer.

There I go getting on my blogbox (blog soap box). I think this blog has made me a better person over the last 764 blogs. I am able to vent, thinking that people were listening/reading (sometimes they/you do and sometimes they/don't). I think it's good just getting it out and then letting it go. That's a nice thing about Dirty Laundry Podcast for me too. That would be another of my Christmas wishes - for the podcast to get well-known so maybe we could make a change by making people forget their problems or, at least knowing that they are not alone, for an hour a week or so. Yes, I would like to save the world contrary to the talk that it isn't possible. Most of the stuff we discuss is mindless (I am qualified for mindless but Cha Cha is not) but there are a lot of things buried in there that, hopefully, make people think. It even works on me from time to time.

I am done. Funny how one headline from a terrible newspaper can make this happen. I guess it will make me consider my blogs a little more carefully from now on. Maybe my crappy blog sparks something in someone's mind too. Maybe even yours? I wish I could say that I would do better blogs because of this but I shoot from the heart, as I said yesterday I think, and a lot of times the switch that blocks the heart from signalling my brain to engage mouth or hand to keyboard doesn't react fast enough. Funny sidenote - Cha Cha just grabbed the paper with the headline that started this whole thing and said, "it's all ads. It's like a 'Penny Saver'." Now we know why it's free and thrown on our driveway - to try to get more of out money.

saved / earned

Thanks for letting me vent (you can tell it's almost the end of the month - Pre Mattsruartion Syndrome). I do appreciate you and I hope I help you either feel superior or not feel as alone. Either way, I hope you feel better for being here like I feel better knowing you stopped by. Cha Cha is now singing Baby, It's Cold Outside. It's funny how she sounds great now but on the podcast we sounded abhorrent. Must have been the pressure of the podcast and knowing that the entire world listens. Have a great day and batten down the hatches for the snow they say is coming in the MIDDLEwest (they talk like we have never had snow before - we are overdue this year - SNOWMAGEDDON). TTTT...MITM (bleeding heart out). TA!

Blogging is One of My Good Hobbits!

I wrote this morning that I wouldn't write the blog until after I watched The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey today. I bet, since I am writing the blog, you have figured out that Cha Cha and I went to see The Hobbit this afternoon. I liked the Lord of the Rings movies. The first one I liked a lot and the other two I liked okay. I liked The Hobbit better than I liked any of the first three. I thought Robin Williams was one of the characters but I just checked on IMDB and it was not him. It looked like his eyes, his mouth expressions and it sounded like his voice between all of the dwarf facial hair but it was not him. I am going to try to read the notes I wrote in the dark theater and maybe this will help (maybe not):

Why don't they have toothpicks at the theater (popcorn requires toothpicks).
The trolls reminded me of The Three Stooges. I though trolls were small.
Pretty sure the wizards aren't smoking tobacco in their pipes.
Saggy scrotum head/chin guy (when you see the film this will make perfect sense)
Gollum and Jar Jar Binks must be related.
This movie is kind of a more high tech Wizard of Oz. There's no place like home.
Elves suck. Are they different from Christmas elves?
Just like in the movie I am on a quest. To get the popcorn kernel out of my teeth.
"True knowledge is not knowing when to take a life but when to spare one."

I hope these notes help in your decision to see the film. I do recommend it. We did not see it in 3-D because Cha Cha cannot see 3-D (isn't life 3-D?). Fabio and Splenda just left to go see the movie. We bought them tickets when we were there. They are seeing it in 3-D. I am a bit jealous. I could tell by the way the movie was filmed it will be great in 3-D. When you see it I recommend 3-D or, if available in your area, I-MAX.

One of my favorite parts of going to the theater is the previews. Some upcoming movies that look interesting are: Warm Bodies (a zombie movie about a cure? looks funny kinda like a Shawn of the Dead or Zombieland), Star Trek: Into the Darkness (I don't think it looks that good but Cha Cha will like it), The Lone Ranger (doesn't look as good as I had hoped with Disney and Johnny Depp being involved - I will probably wait on this one for the buzz), Oblivion (it might be good but they lost me at Tom Cruise. I used to be a fan but I am not anymore. I love Morgan Freeman but probably not enough to offset my over-ness of Cruise), Beautiful Creatures (not my cauldron of tea but happy to see witches are back with all of the vampires and werewolves and wizards and zombies over the last several years). Based on the trailers - I will be more likely to see Warm Bodies than any of the others.

is there some kind of a shortage?

Last night, with Splenda being home from college for a few weeks, we went out to eat. Something happened to me that seems to be a frequent occurrence with me. I had a hankering for an Absolut Peppar bloody mary with blue cheese olives. The waitress took the order and came back in a bit and said (I thought she was going to say they didn't have Absolut Peppar to which I would have said "Absolut is fine"), "we are out of bloody mary mix." The place we were at, Eduardo's, is a Mexican restaurant so how about using salsa? It happened to me at an Italian restaurant (Aquaviva) not long ago too. Don't you have tomato sauces? Tomato juice? So, last night I decided to try a very manly peartini... it sucked! I am going to start taking small cans of bloody mary mix with me when I have a hankering for a bloody mary. Or I could save money and just stay home I suppose. I make better bloody mary's anyway.

If you haven't heard already the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up. It will make you feel better about yourself - guaranteed. We attempted to sing a song on the show and we would have been gonged or not been told that we were onto Hollywood or whatever. You will enjoy it. We know its' terrible so you won't hurt our feelings.

I am going to head out now. Have a great rest of your night and thanks a lot for stopping in and for listening to the podcast. I should be able to blog again tomorrow. Until then don't do anything I'd want to watch. TTTT...MITM (out without bloody mary mix). TA!

Can You Teach a MIDDLE Dog New Tricks?

Hello again. I haven't blogged since Thursday I think. The whole thing in Connecticut has befuddled me. I think it's sick how all of these new agencies... jumped on this. I studied news and the media in college and I have worked for several newspapers (including being a news editor and an associate editor), a television news program in a MIDDLE-sized market where I wrote news and I do the blog and the podcast and I am kind of ashamed to be (loosely) associated with some of these people. I am not sure how these types of things should be handled but I don't feel converging on a small town full of grieving people and smothering them just so you can sell toothpaste and cars and dog food... through your advertising is the proper thing to do. It kind of makes me embarrassed to be an American. These poor people are not being able to grieve and then the media circus will roll out of town the people will all of a sudden be smacked in the face with the reality of what has happened and then have to start to heal (if that is even possible).

I was driving through my town this morning about 4:30 AM and came upon a news truck(Channel 7 out of Chicago) set-up with its satellite uplink and it's flood lights... across from a house where a 19-year-old died about a month ago from, what was just finally determined yesterday, "acute alcohol poisoning." The young man was supposedly rushing a fraternity and during "hazing" drank enough liquor to be over five time the legal limit to operate a motor vehicle. He was not driving but that is how we measure such a thing these days. Vultures.

These types of things are partially why we do the podcast and I write this blog. Though we do sometimes discuss topics like these I think we try to put a different spin on these types of things to help us and readers/listeners understand. To be fair I am sure many of the people who work for these giant media outlets feel that way too but, bottom line for these news giants, it's all about ratings and advertisers. Money, money, money! Though I would like for our podcast to get big and afford us a living so we could leave the grind behind I don't see us caving and destroying our integrity to achieve this. If we are good enough maybe we will get these things without bowing to "the man." Off of the soap box now. I am just trying to make some sense of all of this in my own head/blog/pod.

That being said, we are battling the gun issue in America right after Christmas on the podcast with a member of the National Rifle Association (NRA) and an owner of a company called Urban Tanks  right after the new year on the podcast (with a name like "Urban Tanks" I bet he's into "fire power"). I think he is in trouble when Cha Cha and my brother from a darker father, Jay Cole, get ahold of him. I would join in but I am not as well-versed in the actual laws and such as Jay and Cha Cha. I will try to act as host and moderator but I am slanted and I will probably not hide that. If you know anything about me I am a guy who shoots from the heart (not the hip). I know how I feel and I lead with my heart which is why Cha Cha sometimes says, "you're so sensitive." She means it as a dig but I always say, "that's why you fell in love with me." I don't know how being sensitive is a bad think. I am a very apathetic person and that will never change (no way to teach this MIDDLE dog new tricks).

Not ironically, this is bumming me out (damn sensitivity). I always try to put my feet in other people's moccasins and that's why I am a moody cuss with borderline high blood pressure. I guess I am a hippie in my head and in my heart. Always have been and apparently always will be. I hope I snap out of this before we record the podcast tonight but maybe it doesn't MATTer.

I didn't know what I was going to blog about when I sat down here but I guess I went on about something from my heart and that is never bad. I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam. It goes without blogging that my heart goes out to all of the people connected to the senseless acts out East and to the parents the brother and sister who were the triplets of the young man who died in my town just trying to fit in. We all need to be ourselves sometimes. I am as guilty as anyone with wanting to fit-in and being liked by people but that is kinda messed-up really. One of the greatest things about the world, to me, is that we are all different. Be yourself without hurting someone else physically, mentally or emotionally; it's tough but it is what I strive for. And, it would be well worth the struggle if we could achieve it. Have a great night; I am gonna try to fight the demons and get into a better mood within the next couple of hours. My daughter being home from college for Christmas break will help. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Anti Lying Blog

I cannot blog today so I blog to tell you that I cannot blog so I am not a bloggin' liar. Have a great weekend. TA!

Just Bumming Myself Out Today!

Happy day to you. It is 12 days to Christmas so is this the partridge in a pear tree day? I have never been sure what the 12 days of Christmas are. I could Google it but then I could never say I didn't know what the 12 days of Christmas are again.

I heard that reality television may not really be all reality after all. Dave Hester, the YUPPPPP guy on Storage Wars, was fired from the show and now he is suing the show and he has come out and said that there have been items "planted" in the units to create more drama and stories. And that plastic sugery was paid for by the show to have one of the women on the show (duh, there is only one really unless you count the assistant auctioneer lady). He is calling the show "fake." I am not surprised at that. He is also saying that the bidding process is rigged. I am sure all (and yes I mean ALL) of the reality shows add things to make their shows better (yes, they were probably worse). I am sure Honey Boo Boo is fed lines, along with a lot more, to make her more whatever she is. I am happy to say that I have never seen that show. The thing that really gets me is the channels they are on. A&E maybe I can understand a little. They certainly aren't Art but they could be called Entertainment by some. The other big channel that they are on is TLC. I suppose they could fall under THE and maybe Channel but the Learning one is the one I have a hard time with. I guess I think of learning being attached to something positive but I guess learning what is stupid is learning too. TLC used to be about science and nature and academics but those things don't draw in the audiences and, in turn, the advertisers. Everybody slows down to see a fire or a wreck.

It's that time of year again when all of the rich, famous, celebrities get together to congratulate each other for being better than the rest of us. The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday. It obviously doesn't even mean anything what we think. Les Miserables was nominated for best musical or comedy picture. Also, for that same movie that isn't even in theaters yet - Hugh Jackman was nominated for best actor and Anne Hathaway was nominated for best supporting actress. The film isn't even out yet and they are nominated for these plus best song. Further proof that these shows are only them stroking each other regardless of what the audience thinks. Lincoln was also nominated for A LOT of awards but that film is at the theater already. Cha Cha and I saw Lincoln last week and we talked about it on this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast. I know I rail on all of the celebrities celebrating themselves every year about this time. I apologize for being a broken record. Maybe I can get a reality show on Science or Nature or something to talk about it.

They (Forbes magazine) are also rubbing our faces in what they make right now. The list of the top female singer earners for 2012 has just come out. Britney Spears came in at number one with having earned $58,000,000 this year. She was followed by Taylor Swift ($57M), Rhianna ($54M), Lady GaGa ($52M), Katy Perry ($45M), Beyonce ($40M), Adele ($35M), Sade ($33M), Madonna (only $30M) and rounding out the top 10 is Shakira with a mere $20,000,000. That's $424,000,000 for the top ten women in music. Wow! Entertainment is very important to me but that is an awful lot of money. Imagine what the total would be if you added the men and the groups. Criminetly! Maybe we should give them some awards for making that kind of money. It makes me wanting to reconsider how I spend my money. I usually spend most of mine on sports type stuff when I do live things but I could not even to be able to fathom the top ten athletes in ever male and female sports. I am bumming myself out here. We are seeing The Book of Mormon next month so maybe I need to take back the sports comment.

I gotta clean the kitchen and do some laundry so I can help the good people at the water department get into the top ten utility companies in my town. I have been awake since 2:00 AM so I need to get a nap in somewhere too before I head to work. Thanks a lot for making me feel like $58,000,000 by stopping in; I really do appreciate you. Have a great Thirsty and I will probably blog again tomorrow. TTTT,,,MITM (off like Cinderella's glass slipper) TA!

The Last Repetitive Blog in My Life!

Hit it Roz!
Today is 12/12/12! This is the last repetitive date we'll see in out lifetime unless cryogenics starts getting its ass in gear. I suppose the last one we had was 11/11/11 huh? There can't be a 13/13/13 unless we add a month, which I am all for. The next one will be 1/1/3001 right? I have never been good at math so let me know if I am wrong. Maybe this was what the Maya were talking about (when I say "talking" I mean "not continuing the calendar") and not the end of the world.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up (also available free on iTunes - "dirty laundry podcast"). I just got done editing it and then uploading it. It's got a movie review, the recording of those Australian deejays whose prank led to a nurse in England killing herself. We also discuss a new restaurant we tried and a new booze that may become our new favorite. There is A LOT more too but that will get you started.

Nobody really seems nervous that the world is supposed to end in nine days. I am glad that we are a smart enough to society to be able to see through all of the bologna that the media uses to sell their wares and the idiots who really believe this kind of thing. I was worried that bank robberies and other crimes would go up as the day got closer. People thinking that they only have a few days to live so they may as well throw caution to the wind and do whatever they wanted. I may be regaining my faith in humanity and the intellectual level of my fellow Earthians (why isn't that a word?). Maybe these idiots who shoot at malls and movie theaters were the ones I was worried about?

Tennis player Carolina Wozniacki is being called a racist for her imitation of Serena Williams. Wozniacki stuffed towels in her bra and in her underoos in the rear at a tennis match in Brazil. She and Serena are friends and she was good-naturely poking fun at her friend. Now some are calling her racist. So, big breasts and junk in the trunk are African-American features? We are all different and Serena does have large lady cushions and a little extra baggage in the back of the house. Wozniacki couldn't do anything to get those big Williams muscular legs. In Serena's case the extra in the rear is probably all muscle too. The media just always has to make something out of nothing just to get attention. These women are really good friends and this was not mean-spirited. One thing is now I know who Carolina Wozniacki is...I never knew before.

Tonight there is a show on television to benefit the victims of Super Storm Sandy. I normally don't watch these kinds of things but Paul McCartney is going be the front-man for Nirvana tonight at Madison Square Garden. Dave Grohl (former Nirvana drummer and Foo-Fighters front man) and Krist Novoselic (former Nirvana bass player) are getting back together with Sir Paul as Kurt Cobain. Sir Paul told Britain's paper The Sun, " I really didn't k ow who they were..." Also appearing at the event are The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, The Who, Eric Clapton, Kanye West (what a shocker), Billy Joel, Eddie Vedder, Alicia Keys... Pretty good line-up. Where is Ringo? How do I get a concert T-shirt for that one? It is going to be on several television and radio stations as well as at movie theaters...

I have to wrap this up because it's time to take Fabio to the trainer and figure out what's for dinner. This is my one day that I am 100% not working so I have to make the most of it. It has become kind of depressing since I discovered that factoid. Have a great night, enjoy the podcast, send us mail so I can talk about you. If you have a product or a service you want to promote to a world-wide audience we'd probably promote it for free (depending on what it is)... Thanks a lot for stopping in and I will blog again in the morning. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

The Twinkiegeddon and Z's

I think I may be getting sick. There have been a couple of people at work sick and now I slept eight hours straight. I cannot remember the last time I slept eight hours in a row. It is pretty sad when the  main reason I think I am sick is because I slept eight hours straight. That was with the aid of the good people at McNeil makers of Benadryl but I still usually only sleep 4-5 hours with the help. There is also the stuffed up nose and the dry throat last night. I really should get paid from the Benadryl people as many times as they have been mentioned in this blog over the years.

I started writing this blog about three hours ago but then I had to break-off to: take Fabio to his basketball game, catch up on my Words with Friends, pick Fabio up from his basketball game (they won), have dinner with Cha Cha and Fabio at a new Italian restaurant in town (Fanatico), record Dirty Laundry Podcast, begin the real laundry and then come back and continue this blog. I think I do less at work than I do when I am on my relaxation time (day off).

When I started writing this I was really ready to blog but now a lot of the stuff I was gonna blog about we talked about on the podcast and I don't like to chew my food twice so I am tapped.

I heard that Hostess made their last shipment and there is Twinkie Madness running amok. It's the Twikiegeedon. It's probably a great investment if you have some extra money lying around because your great, great, great grandchildren can auction them off a Sotheby's in 100 years or so because, like cockroaches, they say Twinkies will last forever. They may come in handy if we live another 11 days, past the Mayan end of days. Wouldn't it be funny if Hostess was really just trying to create more interest in their products and this was all just an elaborate hoax?

I have a new addiction to replace my loss of Raspberry Zingers (I loved those even though I haven't had one for years and years). My new coconut fix fulfillment arrives via Blue Diamond Toasted Coconut Almonds. I am sure you love coconut as much as I do. Don't like coconut? What's the matter brainless? Don't you know where coconuts come from? I bet the Maya ate coconuts and look what they got! Remembered for eternity...but they are extinct right? Does extinct go for races of people to? It doesn't seem to sound right. I also like the Blue Diamond Wasabi and Soy Sauce Almonds. 

I think I am going to hit the rack. I just realized that this is the only one of two nights of the week where I get to feel like a real boy so I am going to go to bed like a real boy. Sleep good and tomorrow I will try to blog early afternoon after I get the podcast edited and uploaded. I appreciate you stopping in. Have a nice rest of your night and a good night of rest. I will talk at you tomorrow in blog and in pod. TTTT...MITM (zzzzzzzzzzzz - hopefully). TA!

Just Another Manic Blogday

hit is Roz - we haven't done that in awhile. The holidays are about reminiscing if nothing else I suppose.

TGIM. I am afraid winter is close. I don't know why I am surprised by that every year. I think I liked winter as a kid but I have no idea when that like turned to hate. I am not sure if it was a gradual transformation or a switch was tossed by a particular incident that I may be burying deep down somewhere. Christmases as a kid were always great. Snow is pretty. I got my toes chopped-off in the winter (Christmas Eve Eve of 1980) but I consider that a great thing because without that day I would not even know most of the most important people in my life (including you most likely). Maybe Christmas brings out those It's a Wonderful Life Thoughts. I am going to call it It's a Wonderful Life Syndrome or It's a Wonderful Life Disease or It's a Wonderful Lifeitis. Then I wonder did Frank Capra have this ailment and made the movie or did the movie cause the ailment? It's the ago-old "what came first" question.

I am watching the recorded Saturday Night Live from this past Saturday. So far I am disappointed. I had great hopes because Jamie Foxx was/is the host. He seems to have forgotten comedy since his days of In Living Color. The last few times I have watched SNL it has had a weird transformation since the older days. It used to be good until after Weekend Update but the last few shows I have noticed that it has actually been better after the news. Maybe that's to get us to hang in there for the entire show? Maybe it would be too difficult just to make the whole show funny. I guess not everything can be Dirty Laundry Podcast (subtle enough?)

Yesterday Cha Cha and I went to see Lincoln. I know we will talk about it in-depth on the podcast but I just wanted to let you know that if you're looking for a good moie this would be a good choice. I have not decided if I would recommend this one of Skyfall more. I will have to decide by tomorrow night before we record Dirty Laundry. This film was a lot cheaper than Skyfall...listen to the podcast this week (probably uploaded by Wednesday night). I am not sure if this was the prequel or the sequel of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter because I haven't seen that one yet. If that wasn't enough of a tease I think Cha Cha and I will sing this year. Maybe that is just the opposite of a tease. A tease is supposed to entice you to do something - I am still learning.

I have to get dressed. Fabio will be home from school pretty quick and I gotta get him to his training. I hope this getting him a trainer thing doesn't come back and haunt me someday when he can take me. He's already a lot taller than I am but why am I helping him get stronger? One day I will be England and he will be the United States when he kicks his dad's butt. He will never be as mean as I am when I get pissed. You probably have never seen me angry...you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. FYI...SNL is 57 minutes in and still sucks.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. I appreciate you mucho. Why is the mail man just now coming at 3PM? Is "mail man" a sexist term? Are they still busier this time of year? Now I am starting another blog so I had better just shut my trap. SNL is at 1:08 and still sucking. TTTT...MITM (ghost - that will be cool if I die before tomorrow). I think I am going to start predicting my death every day so when I am right I will look like a had a premonition (a "to-be-continued" one) TA! 

Did I Spread a Bad Rumor?

Donner, party of two, Donner

Seems like winter is finally here in the MIDDLEwest. Save for the snow and the wind and the bitter cold. Other than it's a winter wonderland out there. Don't get me wrong I like this better. Every winter I wonder why my ancestors settled on the MIDDLEwest. I guess I know why they would have settled here back when the country was new and the land was fertile for farming and there was plenty of game and fowl and fish but why now. There were a group of people that headed west from Illinois and they called them The Donner Party; I guess they made other MIDDLEwesterners reconsider that trek, huh? Hey wait, it's on me now and I don't want to disappoint my descendants by moving somewhere fantastic and robbing them of the opportunity to blame someone else (me, in this case) for everything. That's what we do for the people who follow us. There not even born yet and I love them so much that I am willing to take a bullet for them.

Last night I walked for about seven hours. Most every Thursday night I am on foot patrol and most of the time I have had pretty sore, sometimes blistered, feet. Last night was the first night that I walked with my new boots. I finally had enough and went out and bought some boots and I could not be happier with my selection at this point. I got Nike ACG boots. The AGC stands for "all conditions gear." I didn't even know that Nike made boots. I don't know why they call them "all conditions gear" because they are not waterproof so that negates at least a couple of conditions I can immediately think of. I helped them become "all conditions gear" by buying some waterproofing spray and coated them as soon as I got them home. Lats night I schlepped around in rain (drizzle more precisely) and my tootsies remained dry and toasty. It felt like I was walking on a cloud of grilled cheese sandwiches. They are completely black, even the swoosh, and you cannot even tell they are Nike unless you're really paying attention. It came down to these and boots by Skechers (spell-check thinks that should be spelled Sketchers. I love when I am superior to spell-check) but the Nike were only $10 more ($79) so I went with them. I have always had very good luck with Nike. Fabio's Nike basketball shoes are usually upward of $150 - $200 so I felt like I was getting a bargain. My back and legs didn't even hurt like they usually do; I should have gotten new boots a long time ago methinks. I know this sounds like a commercial for this brand of boots but it is not - it's just me spilling my thoughts as I do. I am beholden to no company but if someone wanted to throw a few sheckles/geld/dinro/scratch/cabbage/dough... my way I could be easily convinced to think thoughts about their products. I bet the Donner Party would still be around if they had worn these boots. That;s gonna be my cathc phrase if they ask me to promote these boots - like Nike needs my help, ha!

I make them sexy!

Does anybody else think it's funny that Martha Stewart got Salmonella because of handling turkeys on Thanksgiving? Who would have thought that handling turkeys on a television set under hot lights after the birds had been sitting out for hours would do such a thing. I can understand it in her case because she is new to television and cooking.

So, Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and there may be controversy. The day after I reported on the show that Bill Murray had finally agreed to be in the forthcoming Ghostbusters 3 movie (I would hope that it will have a more clever name than that, but probably not) Dan Ackroyd says Murray is not part of the sequel. I always imagined that the only living half of the Blues Brothers listened to the podcast but now I am certain. I think I did preface it on the show by saying that it was a rumor but I still stand by the story that Dr. Peter Venkman (Murray) will be in the new film. They are starting all of the movie promo hype even before filming has begun with these lies and innuendo and you can remember that you heard it here. I think, however, that if he is not part of the film (very unlikely if you follow my reports), it would be cool if Venkman came back as a ghost and they caught him in a trap as a pet. They could disfigure him or something and have anybody do the voice. Maybe he could be reincarnated as Honey Boo Boo or Dog The Bounty Hunter or one of the Storage Wars people or the one of the Duck Dynasty dudes or something.

I have rambled enough I think. Make sure to listen to the podcast and tell your friends about it. I fell asleep when I was listening to it but don't let that be a deterrence. Unless you're trying to cure insomnia then maybe it's just what Dr. Johnny Fever ordered. Remember that I had been walking seven+ hours in cold rain before I listened so maybe I was sleepy. Have a great Friday night and thanks a lot for listening to the show and stopping in here. I hope I/we help you escape some of the daily grind once and awhile and make you feel better about yourself because you're not me. TTT? (maybe tomorrow even though it's your Saturday)....MITM (maybe not too?) TA!

Good Deeds Canadian Style!

It has been quite a day. I started the day off by editing Dirty Laundry Podcast. While in the midst of editing I decided to run and do the good deed that I promised to do. Do you know what they call people like me? Good Deed Doers. So, I went and did the good deed and came back and finished editing the show. I like doing good deeds for people who deserve good deeds to be done unto them. I also really do enjoy doing the podcast. I have a great podcast cohost and if it weren't for the big wigs upstairs (or are they big Whigs?) the show would be perfect. I guess my political stupidity pissed them off a little this week and one of them came down to the studio and demanded to record a piece on the show. How could we decline? Then I uploaded the podcast for you to enjoy. I hope you do. I also bought a couple of Christmas presents for Cha Cha that are supposed to arrive between December 12th and 15th. I would tell you what they are but then she would decide to read the blog. It is something that she expressed that she would like on one of the podcasts; I believe it was this week's show.

Fabio's basketball game tonight got cancelled - woohoo!!!! I can take a nap. Naps are underrated. Except in places where they are called siestas. Those people know what it's all about!

Sausage, Pepperoni, Onion?

Nobody told me this was Decembeard. I thought it was testicular cancer awareness month or something. Last month was boobs and this month is balls. Maybe the beard doesn't have to be on your face? I am not allowed to have a beard on my face at my current job so I cannot participate with the face one but maybe the other one I can be a part of? A body beard might be a good idea for winter...hmmm!

Do you think I should get some Pizza Hut perfume for Cha Cha and Splenda's stockings? It's called Eau de Pizza Hut It is bound to be a collector's item because there is no way that it will last beyond one Christmas unless a bunch of idiots buy it thinking it is going to be a collector's item. Oh, that's me huh? In 2008 Burger King tried to introduce meat-scented Flame by BK. There has also been Play-Doh perfume. I wonder what Matt In The Middle Perfume would smell like?

I love that Congress took a break during the debt talks. I am sarcastic, of course, when I say I love it. It really shows what they think of we MIDDLE-classers. They don't give a flying fart about any of us. You can see why so many countries have risen up against the aristocracy throughout history. I am not calling for an uprising but I sure can understand. I wonder how much longer it will be before Cha Cha and I move to Canada? I am thinking maybe St. Catherine. It will have to be somewhere near Toronto; I love Toronto. I have never been to Vancouver but it looked amazing during the 2010 Winter Olympics. Vancouver has the third largest film industry in North America; that could be good for guests of the podcast. You will be surprised to learn that other than Cha Cha and I, Cindy Crawford and a porn star there are very few famous people associated with our town. I really think we will one day be Canadian citizens. The blog and the podcast and such will end in .ca instead of .com. There are a lot of logistics questions to be answered. 

I am going to sign-off because I fear I am rambling due to my tired state. I just got a call for Fabio's orthodontist saying that he has two appointments tomorrow; one at 8:00 and one at 9:30. They were wondering which one we prefer. I called her back and said we will take them both but I am only paying for one. We did not know anything about the 8:00 so we will be there at 9:30. I made her laugh and she was at work so I will consider that as good deed #2 (unless you count the podcast and this blog ...#3 and #4) Thanks a lot for stopping in and be sure to do YOUR good deed and listen to the podcast. Have a great night and I will probably talk to you tomorrow between all of the dentist appointments I may be taking Fabio to. TTTT...MITM (out) TA! 

The Fickle Fleeting Fate of Fame

This is earlier than I told you I would blog today but we did not record Dirty Laundry Podcast yet. Cha Cha did not come home last night. I am confident that she will be back tonight and we will record it then. I could say why she told me at the last minute last night that she wasn't coming home but then you wouldn't be enticed to listen to the podcast tomorrow. The pod will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, if Cha Cha returns, there'll be pod..." At least I am honest about my teases unlike most of the "entertainment" community.

I am once again faced with the dilemma of what I blog about so that the podcast is fresh and different. I try really hard not to "talk" about the same things on each but I cannot help but crossing-over from time to time. We do talk about what is on the blog on the podcast occasionally but not much. Maybe we should do a feature on the podcast called "the blog week in review." Hmmm, that is actually a thought. I should have Cha Cha do that feature because it would make her read the blog. I think I will mention it on the podcast and see how she reacts. I may even lie and say we got listener mail that asked for this. See, if she read the blog she would know what terror awaits her tonight when we record the podcast. This may be one of those moments like when Laverne and Shirley or Mork or Trapper John or Maude or The Jeffersons or Fish or Sheriff Lobo got their own shows. That is a huge list that could go on forever. Did you even know that The Misadventures of Sherriff Lobo was a spin-off? If you did you spend too much time on television. That's why I majored in Radio/Television in college - so I wouldn't have to feel guilty in my life watching TV and doing podcasts and things normally done by couch potatoes; it's research and continuing education. I am working on a triple doctorate.

I love apes, all kinds

The Duchess of whatever (I am not sure if it's Cambridge or York or whatever - I'm not being disrespectful) is apparently pregnant. Being pregnant is an exciting time for a woman, her husband and the rest of the family (I remember how excited five-year-old Splenda was when Cha Cha was pregnant with Fabio) but can you imagine if the entire country, the entire world, knew about your pregnancy early in your pregnancy? I feel bad for this poor girl. She thought she knew what she was getting into. She thought love was worth what she was going to have to endure. Does love really conquer all? This will be the true test. It is a real-life Disney story. A beautiful princess, an evil queen (I don't really think The Queen is evil - the media is really the evil queen in this story), a handsome prince, a poisoned apple (the lies and stories)... Now they are saying that maybe she is having twins and Prince Harry never has a chance to be King... why does the media (evil queen) just like to start crap (poisoned apple)? Maybe if we did that on the podcast and I did that on the blog we would be famous and huge but that is not me/us. I honestly think there is room for people being nice and entertaining at the same time. At least I hope so and the podcast and the blog will probably die trying.

I just added that photo of TV Guide (incidentally, I think apes should have their own planet) and realized I had forgotten all about Judy Landers. How is that even possible? I am going to check and see "where is she now?" She trained at Juilliard...I didn't see that one coming. She married ex Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Tom Niedenfuer in 1987 and lives in Sarasota, Florida. They have two daughters. Two daughters makes me think....what about Audrey Landers? She is married and still sings and acts and has been in a lot. She has twins (coincidence or blogging fate?) Both Landers sisters seemed (probably still are) very nice (like the blog and the podcast); fame is so fickle and fleeting.

I have apparently gained BDD (blogger deficit disorder) so it's time to call this a wrap. I am jumping all over the place like I have a MITM Time Machine or something. Thanks a lot for stopping in and, hopefully, the beautiful Cha Cha will return to me tonight and we can record a podcast. TTTT (92% probability)...MITM (out to deal with the voices in my blog)  Have a great day, TA!

I Wrote a Blog Today, Oh Boy!...

Not Today For This Toad!

Hi again. Thanks for coming back unless this is your first time here and then thanks for clicking on this by accident. As long as you're both here you may as well stay and see what some moron in the MIDDLEwest is up to today.

Today has been very productive so far. I worked for the first six hours of the day (midnight to 6:00AM), I fixed one of the upstairs toilets that hadn't been flushing properly, I took the dog to the groomer (and went back and picked her up, of course), I made egg salad (including the boiling and peeling of the eggs, of course), I went to the hardware store to get the stuff to fix the toilet (before I fixed the toilet, of course), I helped a lady load a chair into the back of her truck - she was trying to do it alone outside of the store where I bought the toilet supplies (always the good samaritan), I took a one hour and 17 minute nap while the dog was at the groomer... Those were the main things so far; it's only 1PM so I will get more done. I will definitely take Fabio to basketball and pick him up, I will certainly fix dinner (unless we have egg salad), I will record a podcast with the lovely and talented Cha Cha J. Muggs and I am sure some other things. Now that I have that out of the way, along with my mini todo list I will forge-on. Oh yeah,I also lined-up a guest for nest week's podcast.

I started a Twitter account under "Matt Helser" yesterday. I had forgotten that I has started one under "Matt The Agitator" awhile back so now I have two but it will not allow me to link the two. I guess I will start to Tweet as Matt Helser. If you were one of the "followers" of Matt The Agitator please follow Matt Helser now until I forget that I have that Twitter handle too. I haven't set it up on my mobile devises yet; baby steps. I am already following 15 Tweets: Steve Martin (the comedian not one of my former asshole bosses with the same name), Gary Shandling, Kevin Smith, Albert Brooks, St. Louis Cardinals, Weird Al Yankovic, Ben Stiller, Jim Gaffigan, Cha Cha, Splenda, Norm MacDonald, Barack Obama, my friend Dena, Matt The Agitator and another one my Cha Cha. If you have any suggestions for good Tweets to follow let me know. If you have one I want to follow you - TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!

The Walking Dead "mid-season finale" was this past Sunday. It was good but the ending / cliff-hanger was exactly what I expected. That means either I am really smart or they are really predictable. In this case it is the latter. For the most part this show does the unpredictable so I will cut them some slack. It's a really great show and I thank Dirty Laundry Podcast Entertainment Director Greg Weindorf in my head every time I watch the show. That is to say I thank him in my head, he is not an imaginary character in my head. He is the one that convinced Cha Cha and I, and Fabio by default, to watch the show. If you have not gotten involved because you didn't want to start mid-stream there is a The Walking Dead marathon on AMC on New Year's Eve / New Year's Day. The next new shows start in February. I have always been a fan of movie and television monsters/Munsters but I have never really cared for zombies but I do like this show.

I am going to try to take a nap before I have to do the basketball run. I will blog again tomorrow but it will probably be later because tomorrow is the day I usually promote the new podcast in the blog and it would be silly to tell you that "the new podcast" is ready when, in fact, it is not ready. There are plenty of previous shows, 88 to be precise, that you can listen to. Consider it a Dirty Laundry Podcast marathon preempting The Walking Dead marathon. Some of the shows are not still available since we have just a certain amount of room but I have all 88 on disc if you need a fix beyond what is still up. Thanks again for being here and for continuing to come back. Have a great night and most of the day tomorrow until I tell you to have a nice day and/or night again then. TTTT...MITM (Sleeping Dead) TA!

It's that Caring Time of Year Again!

Howdy doody! It's Monday for you... my condolences. Your Monday is one of my favorite days of the week. Tell me why, I do like Mondays, tell me why, I do like Mondays...!

Just got home from taking Fabio to his trainer; he goes three days a week now. He hates it but he loves it - that's how it is supposed to be so I think we are on track. After the trainer we went to Barnes and Noble to get him a book he needs for school. Being at the book store reminded me of why print is dying. Print will never die but it will continue to die a slow death the way we have known it because of people like these book stores and the artist formerly known as Borders have done. We walked in and immediately were pounced upon to purchase their NOOK. That is their electronic book like the Kindle. See, even they know that the way print is currently is on the way out and I appreciate that they are wise enough to try to be part of the revolution when their stores close. This dude pushing the NOOK is standing their committing suicide; once everybody buys the electronic books he will no longer be needed. The Irony!!!! They are forcing this guy to drink the Kool-Aid. So, we get the book Fabio needs (maybe we should have gotten it for the NOOK) and we go to pay for the book. There was one woman ringing people up (that is an old-world term for scanning a bar code and taking the payment in the old days when we went to store to buy things) and there was a line of about five people waiting like lemmings to pay for their soon-to-be antiques/collector's items. So we stood there and stood there while NOOK-boy just stood by the door watching the zero customers coming in. Nobody ever thought that maybe he, who was doing nothing, should come over and get the line moving while "grandma thousand questions" was figuring out if she wanted to check-out or not. So, finally, we get to the front of the line and buy our one book and are asked, "would you like to donate a book to our local book drive today?" I always so, "no thank you." It's just a way for them to trick us into buying more of their books. It's a nice thing but why don't they just donate some books and write them off to charity? They would rather do this and still have us pay for them so they can double-dip. We donate a lot directly to charities and that way we know it really gets where it is supposed to go. We used to go to the homeless shelter in town every year and take a bunch of food, including a huge ham. We haven't done that in a few years but maybe we need to start that again. I am glad I wrote this to remember me of that. Now that I think of it Cha Cha and I drove up to Wisconsin last year with a carload of non-perishables to help soldiers and their families that were effected by flooding or something. That was organized by my good buddy John Roehlk. I am sorry for the long paragraph but this kind of writing apparently isn't even close to dead.


Our local college football team, Northern Illinois University, has been invited to The Orange Bowl. It has become quite a controversy in the world of college football that such a small school team gets such a big shot. I have followed the team for several years, living in the town and all and having worked many of the football games, and they have gotten better and better every year and they do deserve this. Their quarterback, Jordan Lynch, is even being mentioned in a lot of Heisman Trophy talks. I am going to talk about it on the Dirty Laundry Podcast when we record tomorrow so I will leave it at that for now.

Well, I have to think about getting ready for work. I guess by blogging that I have to think about getting ready to work means I was already thinking about it. Have a great night and thanks a lot for spending time with my thoughts. They are lonely most of the time in my head and enjoy your company. Tomorrow I have to take Maisy to the groomer; I am sure she's very excited. I will get to blogging in between that and trying to sleep and podcasting and taking Fabio to basketball... TTTT...MITM (primping out) TA!

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Blogs!

Today begineth the second 750 installments of Matt In The Middle. When I get done with these 750 I will have written 1,500 blogs. Cha Cha has left me again. This time she went with her brother, sister and sister-in-law to the Iowa/Illinois border to Augustana College. Our two nieces (kneeses) will be there too. I am getting pretty ried of missing everything for the last year or so. Do you think Cha Cha has a boyfriend in Iowa? If so, her good for her; I have always felt she could have done better.

I just had to walk around because my foot fell asleep. Isn't that a sign of good fortune to come? Maybe it is poor circulation. I always get those two confused with one another.

I just read the story of Jovan Belcher. a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs. He got into a argument with his girlfriend at home and shot and killed her and then went to Arrowhead Stadium, where the Chiefs play, thanked his coach and the team's general manager and then shot and killed himself in front of them. Nothing has been released as a motive but I am sure every one of the 20 hours of football coverage will talk about this tomorrow. They have a baby who is now an orphan. These things always baffle me.

I really am not in a blogging mood. Can't we just cuddle?

Dennis Quaid has filed for divorce from his third wife. I didn't know or I just don't remember that he was marred to Meg Ryan (you remember her) and P.J. Soles (she was in Stripes). His newest wife filed for divorce back in March but changed her min and now he decided to end it all. Maybe a guy who has been in more movie than Kevin Bacon, Mel Blanc, Ron Jeremy, Ned Beatty and Mickey Rooney combined should remain single. It doesn't seem like he would have enough time for a family.

Is this blog turning into a gossip column? Am I the new Rona Barrett? Why do I know who Rona Barrett is? Why isn't she around anymore? She started all of this gossip crap and now where is she? Does she get royalties every time somebody gossips? Why is it called gossip? Wikipedia says she is still alive. Whatever happened to Where Are They Now shows? With the internet I suppose we don't need Rona Barrett or Where Are They Now shows do we? Maybe Rona Barrett should do a Where Are They Now show with Robin Leach - Wikipedia says he is also still alive.

Have a great rest of your weekend. I would but I have other plans. You know I cannot leave without reminding you to listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast (also available on iTunes) if you haven't yet. It's better than the blog because it has Cha Cha there too...I promise you'll laugh at least once or triple your money back (it's free so there will be no money back in case you haven't listened because you figured something so amazing couldn't be free). I really am very thankful for you. TTT (Monday, most likely)...MITM (out) TA!