25 Years... Seriously?

Tomorrow is Cha Cha and my 25th wedding anniversary. Even before that we were together for five years. She deserves some kind of a humanitarian award. We aren't going to do anything too special just dinner and a movie. For our 30th we are going to go on a European cruise but there are still too many parenting duties required for the next five years. Maybe in five years we won't end up doing that because who knows what will happen with Splenda's wedding and stuff in that time frame but you have to keep that carrot dangling out there. Splenda met her fiancee in college too - appears to be a family tradition.

If you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast, besides you being extremely intelligent and highly entertained, you know that I have a love of the didgeridoo. It's even a fun word to look at isn't it? Saying it is pretty fun too. I just saw a show saying that playing the didgeridoo can cure snoring. Yet another reason for me to get a didgeridoo. I also think I would like body paint which seems to be required while playing the instrument. How crazy do you think a didgeridoo would drive the neighbors? Maybe it would drown out the sound of the six barking dogs next door? I can read the subdivision Facebook posts now. "Did anyone hear that low hum last night? I think it is coming from the lake at the front of the subdivision. Probably the first signs of a sink hole."

And the winner is.....

I am really tired. I am very thankful that this is my Friday. Tomorrow night Cha Cha and I are going out to dinner and a movie. It's is nice having Tuesday be my Saturday in a way because places are usually a lot less crowded. Trying to make margaritas out of limes. I could probably make them out of lemons but I am more of a traditionalist. We are going to see a film in a new format - step aside 3-D your days are numbered. In addition to being pioneers we will also have a new film to review as well as maybe the new great technology in the movie-watching experience. We also have a new sponsor on the show this week. I just thought of that because of one of our big past sponsors Didgeridoo Warehouse.

I am trying to chisel myself down again and I am doing pretty well so far. The reason I mention that is because I am hungry (tired and hungry huh). I am either going to have some steamed broccoli or some peas. I am leaning toward the broccoli. When I make peas I spice them with dill, dried onions and celery salt. The broccoli usually gets Lowery's Salt and pepper. Sometimes I will do the dried onions too but most of the time not. I am going to start the cooking and will let you know when I get back. The suspense will probably drive you Matt but you will actually find out in the next paragraph.

I went with the broccoli because I was in the mood for sound effects. If you know anything about me you will know that I love sound effects. I like to use all of my senses whenever possible contrary to popular myth.

I was just thinking (sometimes I do that)...what year was it when we went to Hawaii (with the kids) and renewed our vows? If I remember Splenda must have been 15-years-old because she had her driver's

permit so it was about six-years ago. I don't know if you know this or have ever heard this but that Hawaii place is pretty nice.

I am beginning to ramble and that's usually the signal to wrap this up. There's nobody standing in the back of the dark room shining a flashlight so I know to get off. I am 50:50 on blogging tomorrow. It's anniversary day and I have to sleep a little in there or when we record the podcast on Wednesday I won't know what Cha Cha is talking about when she reviews the film and the new movie "experience." Thanks a lot for being here. TTTT (50:50)... MITM (out)

A Very Short No Senior Discount Blog!

I don't really have anything to blog about but in yesterday's blog I said there was a 92.1% chance that I
would blog today and it is smart to play the odds so here I blog. I am really not in the mood to blog either but you shouldn't buck the odds. Maybe I could get out of things I don't want to do by blogging that there is a low percentage that I should do those things and then I shouldn't do them.

Tuesday is Cha Cha and my 25th wedding anniversary. We don't have any great thing planned. It sounds like we're gonna go out for dinner and see a movie. I think for our 30th we are going to go on a European cruise. By then Splenda will be married and Fabio will be a sophomore in college and the dog will probably be dead so we won't have any reason not to. We will also be able to get a senior discount then so maybe the cruise will be cheaper. Cha Cha wants to see  Oblivion. I wonder if she is sending me a subtle message and maybe we won't make it to 20.

Oblivion sounds good and I really like Morgan Freeman and I have liked Tom Cruise's work a great deal over the years but he is a douche. I am not sure if I want to be one of those guys who boycotts a person because of their personal life. I have quite a list of celebs I have problems with based on this philosophy. And then where do I draw the line? I don't have the kind of time it would take to keep up with this method. Maybe I need to start a website for this. How would that be different than TMZ and then I would have to boycott myself.

My lack of wanting to blog is bubbling up as I have to get ready for work. Have a great weekend as I will probably not blog again until your Monday. Thanks for being here for this brief waste of time. TTTYM..MITM (out) TA!

Non Political Blog!

I am so reminded why I hate politics every single day. When I think of politics I think of people with their own personal agendas trying to make other people believe that these are their agendas too. I am not referring to opinions, rather the sort of master plans and schemes. I know better but I would like to believe that there are still people who fight for the little people just because that is the right thing to do - fighting for people who cannot fight for themselves. Maybe this comes from growing up in the days of crime fighter shows and movies when we only had three channels to watch. Maybe it's the Batmans (or would that be Batmen?) and Green Hornets and Lone Rangers and Cisco Kids and Tarzans (not fighting for people but the jungle and animals)... Shows like Emergency and Adam-12 and Mannix... Perhaps if they went deeper into the lives of these fictional heroes they would have been corrupt and out for themselves too? I think most people start their ventures for noble reasons but I am not even sure of that anymore. I know what I believe is right and those are my politics but I suppose that is most people. I pretty much go by my common sense and my heart. I know what I believe to be right and wrong and I sincerely do care about other peoples' feelings and thoughts - see, not made for politics. A lot of times I worry about making other people happy before myself; that's why is am gonna die in The Middle but I would not want it any other way.

I do like to watch political arguments on Facebook sometimes though. You can always tell when someone realizes they are out of their depth or believe they are losing the duel; they begin saying things like "I can see you know nothing about..." or something condescending like that. I try not to argue I just get quiet when I am upset and, unfortunately, sometimes, that quiet mountain turns into a volcano. I know this is not healthy but we are who we are and try as we might most of us are just creatures of habit and cannot change. I just like to focus on the positive in my thoughts and hang with people are this way too. It's fight or flee and I would rather flee because I don't like who I become when I argue; kind of like David Banner (another dude fighting for others, ironically) I think.

I had to take a break there because I was getting myself upset thinking about all of the injustices and you wouldn't like me when I am upset. I don't like me when I am upset. I used to get upset a lot more but maybe it's age or maturity (believe it or not I was even less mature than I am now at one point) or just being tired and old.

I have lost six pounds in the past week-and-a-half. I decided to care about that again. One day at a time and I may bore you here but seeing it in writing and maybe being accountable to the blog and you will make it more worth doing. Maybe I will talk about it on Dirty Laundry Podcast next week too. Cha Cha is fighting her own battle there too and maybe having to answer to a worldwide audience or two will make it more doable. I would say this week but the new show went up last night just before the witching hour. I hate when Cha Cha and I do stuff like this at the same time because it's not fair and sometimes discourages her but we both need to get into better shape. The reason it is not fair is that women don't be able to lose weight as quickly as men. There are quite a few reasons I feel guilty for being a male part of the species and this one of them. At least women are starting to get their due in or society - maybe there will be justice some day.

I sure do seem introspective today. If I were a pot smoker I would guess that I am high. I haven't even been around the smell of pot for almost three days so it cannot even be a contact high. No alcohol to drink for about ten days. Hmmmm. Maybe less food, or at least better food, is doing something chemically to me.

Cartoon mascots make being fat fun!

Speaking of weight loss I hear that Twinkies will be back in July. In fact, all of the "classic" Hostess snack cakes will be back. I know Twinkies have always been popular but things always become even more popular when nostalgia kicks-in and that's happened when Hostess Brands, Inc. closed in November. People started waxing poetic about how great Twinkies were remembering having them for lunch when they we kids twenty years ago. The new company Hostess Brands LLC will open in Columbus, Georgia and produce: Twinkies, Ding Dongs Ho-Hos, Suzy Q's, Cupcakes and Zingers. Don't you think this seems suspicious? People are so health-conscious now and sales had dwindled so you close the company, take six months off, get the Unions off your back, move from very expensive Union-crazy Chicago to less expensive Georgia while creating a crazy "need" for spongie sugary snack cakes and then open back up to what will undoubtedly be record sales for Twinkies right out of the box (pun intended).  I may have to buy some shares of stock and sell them in a month. Also, why are all of theses snack cakes make for great nicknames for our naughty bits (private parts)? I have a two-tracked mind.

Okay, I have gotten a lot of things off my chest and it's after 2PM and I need some food. I think I will go downstairs and have a pickle. Thanks a lot for listening (reading) I appreciate you being my therapist and my couch is always open to you as well. Have a great rest of your day and a wonderful night. I will blog again tomorrow I think (92.1%). TTTT...MITM (out with food on his mind but not in his heart) TA!

Trouble In the Hood!

Fabio does not have school today so he had a couple of buddies sleep over last night. I was at work but I

"We Three Thugs" in 2010 with our get-away reindeer

guess I missed some excitement. The boys decided to "go outside" because that's what MIDDLE-teens do. My son and his friends are not trouble-makers, they do not do drugs, they do not steal...These are the kind of kids that will probably never even try cigarettes. The types that yell at their parents if they don't buckle their seat belts even if they're just moving the car out of the driveway to park on the street. They get good grades, they play high school sports and they are in school plays. I am a very, very good judge of character and I am keenly aware of just about everything (it's way more of a curse than a super-power) and these are really good kids. I am not delusional; I know "boys will be boys" and all but I know these boys. I see many "less-savory" characters just about every night of my life and the boys Fabio hangs around with are not anything near thuggish and I know they never will be this type. So, they and their buddy Sunshine, who lives near the back of our hood, decided to just walk around the neighborhood in their cargo shorts and Hollister and American Eagle shirts and go to the park at about 10:15 last night. While they were walking around near the park a city patrol unit pulled up and asked them for their I.D's and patted them down saying that someone called the PD about them walking around the neighborhood. I am not sure what statute that is but I would guess under suspicious behavior? The officer then proceeded to search the park to see if they had thrown any contraband out of their pockets when they saw John Law coming. I do not blame the officer or the PD because he/they was/were doing what probably should have been done but it is more of a testimony to the nervousness of the people in our neighbor"hood."  I feel like singing "Who Are The People in Your Neighborhood" from Sesame Street. There have been some items stolen from cars in our neighborhood recently and we have a neighborhood Facebook page that fuels everybody's fears. We should change the name of the subdivision to Salem, Massachusetts Estates. Who leaves a laptop in their car and parks the car outside overnight? The Facebook post even mentioned that this wasn't the first time either (or something to that effect). What in the hell do you think is gonna happen? It shouldn't but it probably will. Fabio had a Nintendo DS hand-held video game and a bunch of game cartridges stolen about six years ago from "the hood" when he was nine or ten but now he never leaves anything like that in the car. Steal from us once, shame on us... This person said it was like the third time having something stolen from their car. Based-on past history I am guessing it won't be the last time either. Don't you know the old saying "locks just keep honest people honest?" I better settle down. I can tell I am fired-up because I am writing this with no "background noise" (TV, radio, Ipod...). I must be a good writer because I am getting a rise out of the reader (maybe it's easier when the reader and the writer are the same person). Too bad I never mastered the rithmetic; I would then be a three-tool player.

In that photo I added up at the top there they both DO have hoodies on don't they?  Like winter in Chicago is any reason for a hoodie. Good thing during the pat-down they did't have Skittles in their pockets though this was the police and not a neighborhood watch person. Also, they both have much shorter hair now as do I - we all had our winter fur then.

Speaking of winter in Chicago what in the Helser is going on with the weather in the MIDDLEwest? Floods a couple of days ago, nearly 70 degrees yesterday and now winter jacket weather again today with rain and a chance for snow with a low of 29 degrees predicted for tomorrow night. We sure had better have some damn pretty April flowers. Our sump pump hasn't stopped singing for about two weeks - it's a great sound when it's wet outside. They started fixing our siding and fascia today from the wind damage a couple of weeks ago. They had to stop because of the rain but will be back tomorrow "weather permitting." I called "The Good Neighbor" when the damage occurred and found that our homeowner's policy has a $1000 deductible. That makes sense I suppose. Nine years in this house and that is the first time I had to consult the policy - knock on vinyl siding. But, guess how much the repair is gonna cost? $980. CAHOOTS! I call shenanigans! Whatevs. Actually, that has some other work we decided to have done while they are out here included in the price. The fascia itself was only going to be about $280. I would have done the fascia myself but it is about thirty feet up (probably more like 22 feet) on the house and I don't feel like dying in the rain. Who would write the blog? Who would co-host Dirty Laundry Podcast (which records tonight)? See how I always work that in here? Self Realized Media Whore here!

I have to start some laundry and clean up the kitchen. This IS my Saturday. We have lots of dirty hoodies - this IS hoodie season you know. Thanks a lot for being here. Hopefully you are someplace dryer than here unless you are a duck or a fish. I see ducks in people's yards and in the fronts of businesses all the time now. They are probably looking for a lake (front yard) rather than an ocean (formerly lakes and rivers). Have a great rest of your Tuesday and your Tuesnight. I will most probably blog again tomorrow because I will have to plug the podcast and somebody or something will Agitate me so I will have to blog it off of my chest. TTTT...MITM - safe in the hood(ie) TA!

P.S. - Fabio is still in hot water from last night because Cha Cha thought he and his buddies were just in the backyard. She, most likely, would have been okay with them walking to the park, though society has a problem with it, but not telling her was his mistake. I predict lots of yard work and a lot less X-Box in his very near future!

I BELIEVE!

Since I last blogged the only surviving Boston Marathon bomber has been apprehended. It seems very weird
to me that they wanted to catch him so badly so they could seek the death penalty. I don't really have a stance on the death penalty and it isn't a political statement that I think it is weird that the death penalty is being sought it's just ironic to me. I know the reason we wanted him caught alive so badly is that we are hoping to gain some information on his and his brother's motives and possible ties to terrorist cells or something but why would he tell us anything knowing that he is going to be executed anyway? No MATTer what he tells us most of us will not be able to understand why this senseless act occurred. I cannot imagine harming people randomly. I cannot understand doing something like this if it targets one person let alone an act that is meant to hurt innocent people including children and women. I am not sure why we find it worse to harm children and women but maybe that is sexist? I generally like women and children better than I like men so maybe I am just in the majority here. How many mass murderers have been women or children? Very few in comparison I am certain.

Today is Earth Day. I like Earth. I would say that it is my favorite planet. I know that isn't totally fair as I have never visited any of the other planets yet but to this point it is my favorite. Maybe that isn't the reason I love it the most. I live in DeKalb and DeKalb isn't my favorite city on Earth so why do I have to pick Earth as my favorite planet? Saturn seems pretty cool. When I say a cool planet I am not referring to average temperature on Saturn of -285 degrees Celsius. I like the rings. We should hold the Olympic Games on Saturn. They could figure out how to color the rings around Saturn. 

Is it a coincidence that Earth Day and 4/20 are the same week? If you are unaware 4/20 is the day that is like a national holiday for pot smokers. I am not gonna look it up so this is vague but it has something to do with some kids at a California high school who would get together every day at 4:20 PM to smoke pot. They called themselves (or maybe somebody else came up with the name) because they hung-out at the same wall when they torched-up. This year at a 4/20 party in Colorado three people were shot. So much for pot smokers being non-violent. Maybe they were fighting over a bag of Doritos. It makes sense that a pot festival would be held in Denver. 

I am sure we will talk about a lot of these same things when we record Dirty Laundry Podcast tomorrow night. It's difficult not to overlap from time-to-time. 

I am sure all of you, even those of you who do not live in the MIDDLEwest, are aware of the rain that and flooding we experienced this last week in the MIDDLE. Thank goodness that's over! What? It's not over? Forecasters are predicting more rain and snow coming tomorrow and Wednesday for the MIDDLEwest already. Great! The farmers obviously did the rain dances or whatever voodoo farmers do. They had a dry year last year so now they make corn husk dolls of all of us and throw us all in a giant bathtub and look what happens. I guess that means next year we should have lower food prices right? I predict that this year's food prices (veggies, meat...) as well as fuel will all be high and they we will forget about how low they used to be and they will not come back down. The other morning I was headed home form work and gas was $3.42/gallon. I had a half tank of fuel so decided to wait until the next day to top it off. The next day it was $3.75/gallon. BASTARDS! I realize even if I got 20 gallons that is only $6.60 but once a week would be $343.20 per year or about $10,296 I could pay toward my mortgage over the next thirty years. I guess that is a lot after all.

I just posted a picture that I found thought provoking on my Facebook page remarking on the gun debate and it sparked quite a heated discussion. That's why I am The Agitator I guess. I know what I believe and I respect what other people believe and I know I am probably not going to change people's minds but I like to poke the bear once in awhile. Bottom line is, and I have said it many times, nobody is saying people cannot have guns rather there should be restrictions on ammunition capacities and the whole criminal background check deal. I am not going to talk guns because you believe what you believe and I am going to believe what I believe and I wont change your mind and you won't change mine. It's just like Ohio Senator Rob Portman was against same-sex marriage... until his son announced he was gay. All of a sudden the clouds opened and his mind changed. We all have our own agenda and I am too apathetic sometimes. 

I am done. I probably made no sense to many and a lot of sense to some. I wish you well and hope everybody is nice to one another; is that really that difficult. I am a sucker most of the time I know but I like who I am and I won't change and I don't expect you to change. I believe the world, on Earth Day, is a better place because I can believe what I want to believe and you can believe what you want to believe. I BELIEVE! Thanks a lot for hanging-out, Have a great rest of your day and night. This is my Friday so I will probably blog tomorrow. TTTThen...MITM (out) SAYONARA! 

Sorry, I forgot to hit "publish" and went to the store. Salmon, potatoes and cilantro corn for dinner - needed a few things. I will publish now. TA!

Matt Van Winkle In The Middle

So, I guess it's November again. I must be Matt Van Winkle In The Middle. I slept through Spring and Summer and it was so cold that entire time that my facial hair didn't even grow. The news is still the same too. When I fell asleep back in April they were saying the same thing over-and-over about the Boston bombing and they are still saying the same nothing. I think they just want to be on the air when something is actually discovered so they can say they were the first with the news but in the meantime they will be the first with the olds instead of the news. I was just watching CBS and every little thing that hadn't been previously mentioned by another network even if as stupid as something like "he had green socks on" they try to make a big deal out of it being "breaking news" or an "exclusive" or "we are the first to report on." This is the kind of behavior we discourage in our children but there must be an expiration date on this stuff. What is the purpose? So they can make a promo that says they were better than everybody else? I think Maury Povitch and Jerry Springer may as well be newscasters these day. Maybe I am just bitter because Judge Judy is being preempted.

Red Sox game canceled. Bruins game canceled. Everyone in Boston told to stay home from school and work today. Isn't this where somebody is supposed to say something about "if we don't live our lives the terrorist win" or something? It will happen soon.

I hate when I begin writing the blog and I get blogger's-block or writer's-block or just plain blockhead. I am blocked right now and it is not the first time in the past week. This is the only time that it has involved my mind though. I am gonna take a break and probably be back with some more nonsense. While you wait please take a moment to listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast (also available free on iTunes).

Install 45 minutes here!

I am back. All I can think about is Boston and flooding here in the MIDDLEwest and the fertilizer explosion in Texas. I guess the terrorists media have won after all. I am gonna end now but may blog again tomorrow. Have a great whatever time there is until I blog again. Thanks so stopping by. TTTT...MITM (out)

The Midnight Ride of Prescott and Dawes!

William Dawes

Tonight in 1775 William Dawes made his famous ride from Boston to Lexington to warn Samuel Adams (the beer dude) and John Hancock (the signature dude) that "THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" to arrest them. Dawes arrived at the house about the same time as another rider who was assigned to do the same via a different route. This way if one of them had been captured they still would have had another rider sending the warning. Samuel Prescott also joined them on the ride. Long story short, Paul Revere seems to have had a better public relations firm handling his ride. Maybe Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who wrote the poem "Paul Revere's Ride," was a relative of Revere's or was paid by the family to make Paul seem like the only one to make this ride. It's all P.R. baby!

I wonder if it was raining this much in 1775? If you are not in my portion of the MIDDLEwest you may not be experiencing the very heavy rains we are getting but the weather people are saying that it goes all the way to the Gulf of Mexico and we have a lot more coming this afternoon. Last year was the drought so I guess this is making up for lost water. The farmers have to be happy right now. Our sump pump is belting out more hits than Elvis and Michael Jackson put together - keep singing baby; if you keep humming the basement is more likely to remain dry. Maybe Mother Nature was tired of hearing the news shows talking about nothing going on in Boston. I don't know why they feel they have to keep telling us what is going on when there is no new news. News is based on the word "new" but that doesn't seem to MATTer any longer. This 24-hour news cycle is crazy. I even saw where, I think it was CNN, was saying that an arrest was made and it turned out to be a complete lie. So, do they just tease with lies to keep us tuned-in or was this guy misinformed? I need to turn the news off for now - I am tired of the same stories over-and-over again.

When ducks are on a pond do you think they consider what they are doing swimming? Just a single would score two (sorry, this time of year I cannot think of ducks on the pond and not think of baseball)

I am glad we recorded Dirty Laundry Podcast two days ago. If we recorded it today we would constantly be interrupted by the sweet sound of the sump pump. If you listen to the show close enough you can usually hear the water being pumped out on occasion. Sorry if it makes you have to pee but maybe that is a good thing - wouldn't want you to get a kidney stone.

I have been working on this blog for about an hour and keep getting distracted so I will probably just end now. Hopefully, by the next time I blog (probably tomorrow), there will be some arrest(s) in connection with the Boston bombing and there will be less water flowing through the streets of Illinois. You know what Scarlett O'hara said? Did you know her first name was Katie not Scarlett? "Death and taxes and childbirth - there's never any convenient time for any of them." Oh she said something about tomorrow being another day or something too. Have a great day and I will probably blog again tomorrow maybe from Illinois Island? TTTT...MITM (out)! TA!

I BELIEVE I Will Aggravate A Lot Of You Today!

Bananas seem very family-oriented or at the very least clannish. They come in bunches and even when they are sliced and put into a bowl with grapes, blueberries and raspberries they still want to stick together no MATTer how much you stir them up. I really respect that about bananas. Maybe they are just fruitists? Maybe the berries hate bananas? I guess there are other possibilities but I like to believe bananas are nice.

Do race horses really urinate more than other horses?

My body is revolting. The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and we talked about my most recent body battle. Now, with that being conquered another thing has reared its ugly head. Is this all part of getting on the other side of MIDDLE? Both of these issues I have dealt with in the past and I have defeated and now I have to fight the same battles again? I wonder if the one I just beat is also the cause of this new one? Things could be a lot worse and I would much rather have things happen to me than to other people. I am one of those dudes that feels worse when others feel bad than I do when I feel bad. I know that is kinda weird but that is who I am. Oh well, whatever happens happens. If I were a used car I am afraid I would be too costly to keep at this point. Maybe Cha Cha should trade me in on a new model though I am a classic fixer-upper. It might be just one of those sentimental deals.

The weather is having fits too. We are under a flood warning and it is raining like crazy. I love the rain and lightning and thunder. I do have to go to the train station to pick up Cha Cha in a couple of hours and I think I will take the 4Runner because the Fiat might have problems if we get all the rain they are saying we will get. I have only been a certified weather spotter for about two weeks and I have been able to use my new skills three times. Fortunately, I have not needed to use the secret telephone number I have to notify NOAA or the NWS or whoever of any catastrophic anomalies. I hope I never need to make a call but I am happy that I have the capability if I need to to help save someone's life.

I usually have something on television or the radio or the iPod while I write the blog. Right now I am watching one of my favorite movies - Chaplin. I find that I have many, many favorite films. I love movies. It must come from when I was a wee lad always going to see the Walt Disney films at the theater with my mom and brother and cousins. I think we went to see every one. I remember seeing Peter Pan, Song of the South, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Pinocchio, Bambi, Dumbo... Anyway, I just learned that the woman who plays Charlie Chaplin's mum in Chaplin is Geraldine Chaplin. She is Charlie Chaplin's daughter. Maybe that was common knowledge but that just made the film even better for me. I really do love the work of Robert Downey Jr.. Chaplin was pretty darned good too. Why don't they show Song of the South anymore? It was a great story. Is it because of some of the things they discuss are insensitive by today's standards? Yet they have Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear at Walt Disney World. Isn't the briar patch Splash Mountain? Don't kids wonder who theses characters are? I saw the film as a child and I am one of the most anti-racist people I know so that is poppycock if they say those things could cause racism. Maybe me seeing this a child contributed to me NOT being racist? Uncle Remus rocked!

I love living in America but I am getting sick and tired of many things here. You cannot make everybody happy in a country of this size but why are there so many jerks and idiots here? I am sure many people ask the same thing about me but they are completely wrong and I am 100% correct. I am sure they don't say the same thing. I try not to be political but everything we do and say is political really isn't it? I think guns should be more closely regulated. I believe people should be able to be with whomever they wish to be with no MATTer what gender or race or nationality or religion they are. I believe people can believe in whatever god they want to believe in or not believe in any god if they don't want to believe in a god. I do not believe people should be able to hurt other people. I believe children should always be happy. I believe Russians aren't as evil as our government has convinced us and we aren't as evil as they have convinced their people that we are. I believe our government doesn't really represent us rather just serves their own selfish interests. I believe marijuana should be legalized and cigarettes should have the tar and nicotine removed or be done-away with. I believe there should be no racism or sexism. I believe the DH should be outlawed. I believe I am incorrect more times than I am correct. I believe I will never be a Belieber. I believe in a lot more but I believe I will stop because I believe I have probably already aggravated most everyone on at least one of those. I also believe that you can believe what you believe and I can believe what I believe and I believe we can still live together and be friends. Now I believe I will really stop.

I think I am done blogging for the day. Thanks a lot for stopping-in and for listening to the podcast; I really do appreciate you and hope I make you smile now and again. I know that your being here makes me smile. Have a great night and enjoy the storm - I love storms. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

SMILE!  (yes, that is a link)

There Will Always Be Idiots!

I have mixed feelings about the news agencies in this country. I worked in writing news off-and-on for several years in: newspapers, television, magazine and radio. My mix of the feelings comes from the aspect that we, the public, want to know what is going on when things like the bombings in Boston occur but you can tell that the news shows and news outlets love when things like this happens. I am as guilty as anyone in that I am currently watching CNN and I rarely watch this channel. Why do we always slow down to see a train wreck or a car accident? Is it just natural human curiosity? I have slowed down and gotten out to help people out of cars and called 911 at car accidents on a couple of occasions but I still slow down to gawk when the rescue people are already there. What is that about? I hope that, in me anyway, it is the feeling of wanting to help and making sure everything is under control before I leave and could have helped. In the case of this recent terrorism in Boston they are just telling us the same things over and over even though they tell us "we have new information for you..." but then they tell us the same old things they have been saying since yesterday. They just want us to stay tuned so they can sell more advertising - bottom line the news is a HUGE business. My heart goes out to all of the people who have lost loved ones or have suffered injuries during this attack. I know someone or some group will be caught as the culprits but then I often am not sure that we catch the correct people; sometimes I think our government just puts a face and name on our enemies so we can have closure and move on. I am not sure how I feel about that either. Now they are talking about the little eight-year-old boy, Martin, who died in the attack. I cannot imagine the sorrow that family must feel. How can people be so terrible? I am glad that there are so many more good people than bad people in the world. I am going to try to move-on with the blog with happy thoughts as usual... I really do like hearing Darth Vader's voice promoting CNN though.

One thing that I have noticed on watching this coverage really cracks me up. There have been more than just a couple of reporters that ask a question and when they are done and waiting for the person they are talking to or the person they are "throwing it back to" just begin shaking their head front and back like they are agreeing (saying yes) while looking like bobble heads when the other person hasn't even begun talking yet. How can you agree with what they are saying if they haven't said anything yet? Maybe it is a satellite uplink thing and they can hear what the person on the other end is saying before we do but sometimes they are standing next to one another. Another thing that I keep hearing is "at the end of the day..." I thought this idiotic phrase had run it's course (no Boston Marathon pun intended).

Tonight we record Dirty Laundry Podcast; I suppose we will touch on this horrible act a little - how can we not? Maybe we won't? We try to make the show so people have an hour to an hour-and-a-half to escape the miseries of everyday life. There are enough people talking about it already.

I mentioned yesterday briefly about me feeling not 100%. I now feel 120%. Isn't it funny how, when we are ailing and get better, we feel better than we have ever felt before? I wish I could remember how poorly I felt so I could use that to feel even better than great all the time. Do you think it was the codeine that helped? I will be back in a moment. I have to go get the remote control to change the channel; I am tired of hearing the same things over-and-over-and over-and-over-and-over-and -over... What ever happened to news breaks instead of show breaks? Now I am watching Tropic Thunder while finishing this blog - what a funny movie. How can it not be? Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey, Nick Nolte, Bill Hader, Christine Taylor, Jason Bateman, Alicia Silverstone, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jon Voight...

Now I heard that a major earthquake just hit Pakistan and Iran. I feel bad for the people there now too but, luckily for them, they still live in the dark ages electronically and won't have to watch 24-hours of only that. Don't worry though Iran and Pakistan the American media is surely on the way because they need tragedy to survive. I am pretty anti-news media right now it seems.

I found a funny video that just cracked me up. I will link it here if you want a giggle. It's Los Angeles Dodger Tony Gwynn Jr. dealing with a heckler during a game. I think I may add this to my Facebook page right after I get off of here too. There are always going to be idiots but it is how we handle the idiots that makes us who we are.

You may become a Tony Gwynn Jr. fan today

I think I had better get some laundry done and begin getting together some thoughts and ideas for the podcast. How come while I was down-and-out the world didn't stop too? Now am I even two days further behind than I was three days ago. I think that makes sense - it makes sense to me. I hope you have a great Tuesday afternoon and Tuesnight. Cha Cha and I may go out to eat tonight just because Tuesdays and Wednesdays are usually our date nights (we are different than most in so many ways). I am thinking Tapa La Luna but we'll he what she thinks. We still have not tried the new Japanese steakhouse in town so maybe we will do that instead. If we do that before the show there will be another thing to blab about. Thanks a lot for stopping-in. Stay positive. Bad things are always going to happen. Focus on the good - it really pisses the bad off! TTTT...MITM (laundry time) TA!

Rumors of Me Being Shot are Greatly Exaggerated!

I have had three different positions with my current employer going back about four or five years. I had never missed one scheduled work shift until last night. I went in but I had to leave early. I am not going to blog about the particulars now because I am still dealing with the issue and I always like to have mystery in the blog. I will talk about it eventually. When I arrived home about 00:15 Fabio was still working on a project for school and I must have looked a mess. I have never seen Fabio look so worried about me. I guess he has that "my dad is different than everybody else and nothing could ever happen to him" thing kids always think about their fathers. I found out this morning that he thought I had been shot. I WAS NOT SHOT! I imagine, and Cha Cha brought it to my attention, that I really looked disheveled. I was gray and partially unclothed and had pain on my face because I was in pain. Maybe I looked more like an alien stripper? I am happy I was not shot and upset that I wasn't shot at the same time - at least then I would have a chance to be out of this misery that is probably gonna linger for a day or two. It makes me happy that he was so concerned. Being a sixteen-year-old it has been about a year since his teenage hormone change-thing had begun and I have noticed that he seems to be coming out of the other end of that tunnel; thank goodness. I am fine and the blog will go on for a while longer though maybe I should start selling autographed copies or allowing people the right to be blogged-about or something?

Yesterday Fabio and I went to see 42. I am not going to say much about it because I want to talk about it on Dirty Laundry Podcast this week if I live that long (just kidding though we never do know when we are gonna be done here are we?). I will say that if you get a chance before the next podcast (spoiler alert) I would go see 42!

Comedian Jim Gaffigan Tweeted something yesterday that I found funny - "Oh no! I am missing the movie awards show on the music television channel that has only reality shows." I have been saying these sentiments about the channels and the awards shows for years and years. I would love to say that he stole this idea from me but A) I imagine he doesn't follow this blog or listen to the podcast and B) now it is even more prevalent than when I started talking about it a long time ago so how could you not notice now? I am just a trend-spotter...that is one of my annoying gifts. What's next Gaffigan? Gonna start talking about all of the huge celebrity voice-over work? Just kidding. I love Jim Gaffigan and he is probably almost as creative and funny as I am for the record.

Since I wrote all of the stuff above I went to the doctor and now I have some really cool pain medicine. I also just had a turkey sandwich on pumpernickel  It's been a day-and-a-half since I ate anything and I am surprised that the sandwich didn't taste better. Now I have a very bad headache - it just gets better and better; maybe I should take one of those pills.

I am sure you have heard by now that there was a bombing in Boston earlier today at The Boston Marathon. It is also tax day and Patriot Day. Boston makes a big celebration about the battles of Lexington and Concord (Civil War). I never really thought about it but is it weird that we celebrate these huge battle days? Days like Pearl Harbor Day...? It's nice that we don't forget and I am not saying that it is weird I am just wondering out blog if it is weird. Anyway, there were two bombs that went off and a third that didn't go off. I am happy that it wasn't worse but wonder why they selected those specific times for the bombs to go off. Had they gone off earlier there would have been even more carnage. While all of the media descended on the scene I thought - what would happen if these terrorists had banked on the fact that the media circus would arrive and they had planted more bombs for their arrivals? Will someone claim responsibility for this heinous, cowardly act?  What if it was North Korean-backed? I could never understand, probably because I am at least 70% sane, why people would want to injure innocent people. Small children, old people... I am very sad when things like this happen. It had to be a group of people. There's very little chance that one person could have done this and THEY WILL BE CAUGHT. Our country will not allow someone to be held responsible; hopefully it will be the correct people. It seems like the flags in our country are half-mast more times than not in the U.S. of A. lately.

I am going to take an Elvis pill and sleep for the first time in a couple of days. Thanks a lot for stopping by and for always coming back. Tomorrow will be a better day. We record the podcast tomorrow night. It seems to come quicker and quicker.

Thank you for always stopping back here. Tomorrow night we record the new podcast; the time seems to come quicker and quicker. We will have a lot to talk about. Not like it would stop us if we didn't. Have a great rest of tonight and an even better tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

A Trip to the Bloggie-Hatch

I haven't blogged in four days; I think I may have been burning myself out. Back in the day, when people
read newspapers, columnists would write every day (some weekly) but they were looking for a news topic and throwing their spin on it or taking letters requesting "professional" advise and answering them... I think I need to get a focus for the blog. It took me 833 blogs to figure this out? But, that being blogged, I don't want to tie myself to one topic. Variety is the spice of blog. Any advise? That's ironic huh? Maybe an entertainment blog. I could talk about films and television shows and books and magazines and podcasts... I was a media major in college as well as your journalism so maybe that was for a reason? Imagine using my education. Or. do I just start a completely new blog for that and keep this one to psychoanalyze myself from time to time? Is this how a trip to the boobie-hatch begins?

This where my media whorishness begins. The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. I think you'll enjoy it because Cha Cha is very entertaining - I guarantee she will make you laugh at least one time or double pod-listening fee back. (In case you are unaware the show is free at that link and on iTunes)

I think I am getting burned-out by life. It is only temporary and we all go through it from time-to-time but my hours and days of are really wearing me down. I will give it another couple of months and then, if nothing changes as seem that they may, I will have to make them change myself. I know this sounds very vague but I am not much of an ultimatum kind of guy and with the situation that I am blogging about I have no leverage. I don't have hand! There are too many governing bodies that have strict rules in place regarding this dictating of my misery. If, by the end of July I still feel this way, changes will be made. See, I set a precise deadline and maybe that is what I need to do. Things are so much better for so many reasons since I left my last job but humans always need to strive for more or we die. We die emotionally or spiritually or socially or economically or physically or any number of other ways and I am not ready to die in any of those ways. As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live and all my love to live and I'll survive. I will survive!
Cha Cha and I are thinking about taking an improv class. Maybe will be the next Shields and Yarnell or something. It sure would give us something to podcast about wouldn't it? It is kind of costly but we are considering it. I think most people that I have known who are in community theater are weird so I don't see myself going that way but who knows? I know that I am kinda weird too so maybe? Why does weird have such a negative connotation? Weird just means different to me. Wanna take a improv class with the World's Blog's most famous podcast team?

Speaking of different...I heard that Jonathan Winters died. He was a weird dude and he always made me laugh. I doubt that he was really weird but that was his persona and the characters he played. Just looking at his phot makes me happy; that is the true sign of a great person. Just the thought or sight of them brightens your day. Didn't he play Mork and Mindy's on Mork and Mindy? He played Papa Smurf (voice) in The Smurfs and The Smurfs II comes out soon which his voice will be coming out of Papa Smurf's little blue puss again. Talk about an improv dude. Without him we probably would not have had Robin Williams' comedy. He was a guy who would seem to do almost anything for a laugh and I can relate to that. I have been that way most of my life - I think most people refer to it as immaturity. Maturity is boring. Who wants to be boring? Besides politicians.

Well, we have to start getting ready to head to dinner before I go to work. Cha Cha's cousin Dennis died and we are all getting together to celebrate Denny. The funeral was this morning and I really wanted to go but I could not make it. I really liked Denny and I think he really liked me. He was kind of a shy guy so I always felt proud that he liked me if that doesn't sound weird. He was a loner so we hadn't seen him in awhile but I will always have very good thought about Dennis Mullins. Anywho... I have to get showered and such. Thanks for letting me get a few things off my blog and if you have any counseling to offer don't be shy. I will listen and welcome and suggestions on the direction of the blog or my life. I may not take your advise but you are generally a lot smarty than I am so I will surely consider any suggestions. TTT?...MITM (out) TA!

Bumming Myself Out - I Am Getting Good At This

This morning was not an ordinary end to a day. Our dog, Maisy, has been with us since 16-year-old Fabio was about two-years-old. I remember the day we got her. I was at work and I met Cha Cha and Splenda and Fabio and our nieces Morgan and Emily at the pet store in St.Charles to see the candidate for the new member of our family. It had been a long arduous search as it was quite a high honor to become a member of our household and the decision could not be taken lightly. The yet to be named dog had received five out of five votes and even though, at this point, it was just a courtesy to make me feel like I was part of the decision I was asked to stop by and give my phologna bologna blessing. It was more just to make me unable to say "I told you so" had it not worked-out. Well, 14 years later we have an old lady dog who seems to have worked-out. I walked in the house this morning about 06:06 and did my usual morning rituals - clean the kitchen, get Fabio going for school, make his lunch for school (I wish he'd do hot lunch) and the other things I do that seem just routine. Everything is routine until you discover why you do it. I always check both of Maisy's beds to make re she is in one of them. This morning she was not in either of her beds. I didn't think much of it and figured she snuck upstairs where she is not supposed to go. I made Fabio's lunch and she didn't come looking to go outside so the search began. She was nowhere and I mentioned it to my slumbering housemates who got out of bed quicker they ever had before. The search began.We scoured  the house and the yard which extended to the neighborhood and neighborhood Facebook site and then to Cha Cha calling the police... Much, much longer story short I received a call from a lady in neighboring subdivision (ironically, the one we lived-in when we got Maisy) who asked if we lost a puppy because she had found her. I told the other two members of the search party who quickly jumped  in the car while I went to bed - my work was done. Maisy had been gone for about nine hours but now she is home - SLEEPING! Of course, it had to happen on the night of very heavy rains and winds. I continued to thing of the movie Snoopy, Come Home.

I bet we don't even talk about it on Dirty Laundry Podcast. I will not bring it up but if Cha Cha does we will talk about it. There was some guilt felt in the household for her disappearance so it may be TOO SOON, TOO SOON. Oh yeah, there is a podcast up there and we will record another tomorrow night.

I am watching the DVR of Mad Men. So far I am disappointed. I have about 1 1/2 hours of the show to go so maybe it will get better. Is irony that I watch a television show about an advertising agency and I fast-forward through the commercials. Maybe that's why there are Coca-Cola bottles sitting on people's desks and they discuss that they are driving Jaguars and stuff huh? I bet the whole idea for the show went something like this, "people aren't watching commercials anymore. How can we make people watch the commercials and charge even more to the advertisers?" Brilliant really. Too bad Bewitched or Bosom Buddies didn't think of that because they would probably still be in production if they had and Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari would still be making about the same amount of money.

That makes me think that I have been thinking a lot about the podcast lately. This is blog 833 and you are probably about one of four people who will read it. I think I need to focus on one topic and try to make money doing this. WWHDD (what would Henry Desmond do)? Newsflash Scolari and Hanks will work together again very soon. Your heard it here first. Any suggestions for a way for me to make money doing this so I don't have to leave my bed please let me know. If Hugh Hefner can do it why can't I?

I have managed to bum myself out somehow. I am just gonna end this now. Maybe Belushi should have written a blog. Talk at you tomorrow maybe. BYE! I didn't even TTTT you.

Auntie Em It's a Twister, It's a Twister

I woke up from my after-work slumber (I got a whole 4 hours) and Cha Cha asked if I would like to walk to Schnuck's grocery store) with her. It's only about a mile away and I have a wedding that I have to look George Clooneyesque for within a couple of years or so for so, of course, I said "HELLSER Yeah." Off we went. First I went upstairs and grabbed my large Army backpack. There's no use trying to carry several plastic planet-killing bags in the 40-mph wind and, though we usually get the paper bags, it would make no sense. So off we went. On the way there we passed the lake (it's really just a retention pond I guess but morons do fish in there even though there are "no fishing" signs all around it and ducks and geese and an occasional swan do hang out there) and came up to an older man and his dog. I am a magnet for people but maybe they all say the same thing when I actually say "hello." I guess that is an invitation to speak so I am to blame I suppose. Maybe that's why the lady who lives across the street (remember we live in a cul-de-sac) never talks or even waves back to any of we neighbors. She just marches around with a scowl on her face. Anyway, when we approached the man he remarked how his dog was trying to catch the rabbits. The dog was leashed but came right up and smelled my crotch. I wonder how he liked my watermelon-flavored edible panties? I just let him smell away. I used to stop dogs from this but for some reason now this time I didn't care. Anyway the man told us he was a rescue dog. This meaning the man adopted him from a rescue shelter. The dog had been abused which was very odd because the dog was very friendly and seemed to love being petted. The man said the dog's name was Buck. He was named Buck because he had been shot-up with buckshot by the former owner. So we met Buck and went on our way. We went to the store to get Cha Cha's Pellegrino and Perrier and several other things and decided to eat lunch at the store. They have a salad bar and a place to eat at the front of the store so, I got salad and Cha Cha got soup. Then we went home. I weighed the backpack when we got home and I had gained 19.8 pounds to my back. Taking it off made me want to lose 20 pounds even more. 20 pounds makes a real difference.

As we approached the house out neighbor Dan asked, "is that your fascia in the tree?" We looked up about 30 feet and there was gray fascia in the tree. We walked the perimeter of the house and sure enough - wind damage about 25 feet up .Now I have to wait until the wind dies down to get the fascia out of the tree and see about repairing the house. Maybe I will just say "State Farm Find Me Money" and let them worry about it? I am now an official certified weather spotter now so I knew this was gonna happen. Don't ask me for the top-secret National Weather Service (NWS) phone number because I have been sworn to secrecy. I wasn't actually sworn but they said not to share it with anybody so I am sorry, I pretty-much do what I am told. I also do take this very seriously becasue the life I save could be yours. If you see crazy weather just let me know and I will spot it for you and make the call if necessary. It's a NWS thing you wouldn't understand.


Hey, the St. Louis Cardinals and the San Francisco Giants are playing on television. Looks like last year's National League play-offs. I guess that is why this one is on television huh? Love me some Cardinals' baseball. Maybe I will lie down and fall asleep watching the game to increase my four hour sleep depth.
On April 9th I am voting for Marilyn Parker for Dekalb school board. I don't know much about her except her photo looks like she is nice and her granddaughter just came to the door and gave me a flier and said with a great big smile, "my grandmother is running for school board and you can pick people and the election is on April 9th." I looked at the photo and saw that she looks nice and said, "tell her I will vote for her." She got a big smile and said, "thank you." I really will vote for her because I said that I would. I really hate when the doorbell rings though; I always wonder "who in the Helser wants something this time?" Sometimes I don't even answer the door but for some reason I did this time and now I have to keep my word to a, I am guessing between 12-15-year-old, African American girl that I will vote for her grandmother. Even if I do not vote for anybody else on the ballot and I am running short on time I will make my way to the church over by us where we vote and drop a bean for Marilyn Parker. It's actually check a box or put a stylus on the box or whatever the method of voting is this time around. I always vote because if I don't vote I feel that I don't have right to complain and my friends don't have the opportunity to blame me when my candidate makes an error.

I really with I had chosen the dragon fruit Vitamin Water Zero instead of the acai-blueberry-pomegranate one.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up at that link and on iTunes. It's hard to believe we have none 106 shows. I wonder when it will end. I am supposedly going to live for about 49 more years so I guess that is a ballpark of how long it will continue. I listened to most of the show last night and did not relize how many controversial topics we discussed even though we dealt with them in our light-hearted manner. I really love the podcast. It is probably one of the top 20 things I am proud of in my life. I would say number 18.

I have to get s few winks now. I am going to try to go to dinner with Cha Cha and The Lost ock and The Found Sock if I feel I can juggle it all. If I sleep fro two hours that will raise the bar to six total and mybe that will be enough to handle 7.5 hours of complete chaos later? We'll see how I feel and if I can actually fall asleep. Wish me sleep. TTTT (maybe but more likely Monday)...MITM (not gonna proofread this just heading OUT) TA!

Getting Older One Blog at a Time!

Did she do her nails right before this photo?

Cha Cha and I received some very exciting news last night. We knew it was only a MATTer of time - Splenda is engaged to be married. We like Brad very much and we could not be more excited for them both. It is weird; even though I knew it was coming it immediately made me feel older. I never really thought about it but this is not only a right of passage for the bride and groom it is a milestone for everybody in their lives. The next step is what? Grandparents?  Splenda and Brad met in college just like Splenda's parents did and that one has seem to stick so far. I am sure I will blog and we will podcast about this a lot between now and the time of the wedding (in a couple of years?). I am very happy for them.

I am editing the podcast right now and I, as I always do, think the show sounds great. Maybe it's because I am interested in what we are talking about since I took part in deciding what we talked about. It is kind of difficult to MATTage both at the same time but how can I be the Mattster Of All Media (MOAM) if I can't do blogging and Facebooking and Tweeting and editing all at the same time?

Speaking of Tweeting I follow Roger Ebert on Twitter. I always thought that he was the best film reviewer. I almost always agreed with his recommendations and he almost always agreed with my movie preferences and likes. I am sad that he has passed but I feel that he was not enjoying his life for the past ten years or so. What is the protocol here? Do I continue to follow him on Twitter? It isn't really following HIM if someone keeps tweeting on his account so I am not really following him rather whoever has decided to take over his Twitter account. I am pretty sure that I am going to un-follow him on Twitter. Is that disrespectful? I never cared for Gene Siskel - just for the sake of full disclosure.

Last night the new television series Hannibal began. I really had no intention of watching it but I recorded it because I have been pleasantly surprised by Bates Motel that Cha Cha and I watched by accident one day and now we are both totally hooked. I watched Hannibal this morning and if it stays as good as the one from last night I will continue to watch the show. It was REALLY good. I am big on psychological thrillers so it already had a head-start, no pun intended. I have been a fan of all of the Hannibal Lecter films. This television show is a prequel, to this point anyway, of Lecter being caught. The main characters are: Hannibal Lecter, or course, Special Agent Jack Crawford and Special Agent Will Graham. Lecter is played by Mads Mikkelsen who played Le Chiffre (the main Bond villain) in Casino Royale with Daniel Craig. He is a good villain. Hugh Dancy plays Graham. I have seen him in a lot of roles that I have liked him in and he is good here though I will have Edward Norton stuck in my head for a while like I will have Tony Hopkins in my head for Lecter. Jack Crawford was no big deal to me. Harvey Keitel, Scott Glenn and Dennis Farina have played him but it wasn't that big a deal to me. I liked Scott Glenn the best so far but I was a bit thrown to see Lawrence Fishburne in the role.I cannot get Cowboy Curtis out of my head every time I see him.

This dude is gonna help catch Hannibal Lecter?

I have to end this because I am having uploading problems with the podcast. I will let you know when it is ready. I will post it on my Facebook (Matt Helser) page, the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page and on my Twitter account Matt The Agitator. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. Enjoy your Friday night as I will enjoy my Tuesday morning and afternoon. Thanks a lot of stopping by. I will probably blog again tomorrow afternoon. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out). TA!

Conspiracy Judggling

That's the hat!

We recorded the season three premiere podcast last night and I like to wait about a day before I edit the show because I feel that I may be more objective if I remove myself from it for a day or two. That being blogged I was inspired by, I don't know what, to go down to the studio and record the opening of the show. I still have not touched any of the work we did last night but I have laid-down the beginning of the show. I am fighting the urge of going back down and starting the rest of the editing process but I think I will try to wait until tomorrow afternoon for that - we'll see how that goes. It sounds so cool when I say I "went down to the studio" but it really is just going down 13 steps to the studio. I wish it were more like jumping in a door-less pink jeep with no top wearing my straw lawn mowing cowboy hat (me wearing the hat not the jeep wearing it) and driving down to a little building (more of a shack) next to the ocean but that may be in the future. I bet we'd have great shows if we were on one of Florida's Keys or on the Mexican Riviera or someplace like that. A girl can dream.

I just read that someone hacked into North Korea's social media (Twitter and Flickr) sites. Who would have even thought North Korea had social media sites? Knowing that now I wish I had been a follower of North Korea on Twitter but I am afraid now I would look like an NK sympathizer or a commie or something. I don't need to be on a list of subversives for many reason. One of the posts read,  "threatening world peace with ICBMs and Nuclear weapons/wasting money while his people starve to death." They also changed a photo of Kim Jong Un to have a pig snout and pig ears with a Mickey Mouse image on his torso. Could it be someone at Disney? Actually a famous hacking group called Anonymous claims credit or responsibility and say they have gained  member information from 15,000 accounts of the government's site. 

I'm pretty sure I'd call this one in

Gay marriage - still an issue, gun control - still an issue, North Korea - still an issue, the weather - still an issue though it is getting better in the MIDDLEwest. 

Tonight I become a certified weather-spotter. I have had experience spotting weather my entire life but now I will become certified. With this certification I guess if I see inclement weather or a funnel cloud or some meteorological anomaly I will be able to call a secret number or something and they will call or a "warning" or a "watch" just based on my observation. I hope this certification is easier than the meteorology class I took on college. I have an unfair advantage as I have a part of my body that aches when the barometer changes drastically. Cha Cha doesn't like me talking about it because... I cannot even tell you why I can't tell you because then I will be telling you why. It isn't polite to blog about our private places. I will just say that since my vasectomy long ago the left region of part of my anatomy signals me with barometric discomfort. I think I just told you without telling you - you are so clever to wiggle your way through my labyrinth of weather warning clues.   

I am watching a film and they just played The Chicken Dance and now I cannot get that song out of my head. I also have the song Cold Dead Hand from last week's Dirty Laundry Podcast stuck in my noodle. If you haven't heard the song you must listen to last week's show or at least go to iTunes or FunnyorDie.com and hear the song - very funny and catchy. I used the words chicken and noodle in the same paragraph and now I have chicken noodle soup stuck in my head. Now I am picturing chicken noodle soup pouring out of my nose and ears. What in the HELSER is wrong with me? Now I am hungry for chicken noodle soup. I am so weak-minded. I need to picture myself winning the lottery a little more often maybe.

Why is everything a conspiracy? Yesterday was the anniversary of the day that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated by James Earl Ray in Memphis. Supposedly, James Earl Ray did not act alone. It seems that no assassin has ever acted alone according to conspiracy theorists. Sirhan Sirhan, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray... the government is always mentioned as a possible co-conspirator in these theories. Are there really these theories or are they just made up for movies and television shows? Is it just that we cannot believe that these madmen were capable of tricking so many people; is it law enforcement trying to make it seem more convoluted so we don't wonder why they couldn't have stopped something like this? Maybe it's just fun for us to think that everything is a conspiracy? Did we really go to the moon? Are Chicken McNuggets really chicken? 

I have to get some things done so it is time to wrap this up. Thanks for landing here for a few minutes. I will porbably have the podcast uploaded tomorrow and I will let you know when it's ready. Have a great rest of the day and a great Thrusnight. TTTT...MITM (out - or am I?) TA!

We Would BE So Much Better Without Money

The Fonz and Beetlejuice

After writing yesterday's blog I thought a lot about my college days. It made me think of all of the sports we played. We played intramural: football, softball, basketball I think all four years of college.We also played a lot of hockey but they didn't have intramurals for hockey. It made me smile and think of a few of our team names. One year for softball we were Love Brokers and I think that same year for basketball we were Phi Slammy Your Mammy. Love Brokers came from the movie Night Shift. What a great movie - not cinematically maybe but really funny. Kevin Costner's first film I think (don't blink your eyes). Directed by Richie Cunningham and starring The Fonz and Beatlejuice and Diane Chambers. Who else? Shannon Doherty even before she was in Little House on the Prairie. I know this may surprise you but Clint Howard was in it. And so was the director of the film in a couple of very, very small bit parts. You would think being Clint Howard's brother and the director of the film he could have gotten a bigger part. I want to see that movie again. I think I have it in a box on VHS somewhere in the crawlspace. The team name Phi Slammy Your Mammy was based on Phi Slamma Jamma. That was the nickname of the University of Houston Cougar's men's basketball team in the early 1980's. They were pretty good at basketball with players like: Clyde "The Glide" Drexler" and Hakeem Olajuwon. I think his nickname was Hakeem "The Dream" but I cannot swear to that. He went on to play with Ralph Sampson with the Houston Rockets and together they were The Twin Towers. Oh, college was the life. I really hope there is reincarnation.

While I write this I am watching another pretty good movie from back in the day - Predator. I am sure they will remake Night Shift and Predator one day because that's what they do. Maybe they will remake Footloose again soon; if they remake it would it be a remake of the first one or the second one? This is some of the worst editing that I have ever seen in Predator. It's on AMC so they have to cut some for content and probably more to make sure they get their hour+ of commercials in there.

Pre Mattstrual Syndrome Time

Even though my weekend has pretty much just begun I am bummed that it will end.

I am tired of everybody scamming everybody else. All of these commercials and  infomercials promising things that we all know are impossible yet millions of desperate people feel that they have no other choice and plunk what little money they have down on a lie. And then there are things that are bad for us but they are allowed to continue. How can something like cigarettes be allowed to be made and sold? I can understand the allure of gum disease and halitosis and the potential of cancer and heart disease I guess. Everything is about money in America and be damned the welfare of the people. It even comes down to things like soda pop. Wouldn't be all be better off if we only had water to drink? But, there's lots of money to be made in diabetes and dentistry. I have been in a crappy mood for about a week (end of the month and all - Mattsruation) and my blogs tend to mirror that time of the month.

The washer and dryer both stopped so it's time to fold and start a new load. I also have to tidy-up the studio a bit since Jay Cole will be here tonight to be on Dirty Laundry Podcast. I also have to work on some show prep. When I say "some" I mean A LOT (or ALL). I also have to go to the store so I can keep doing the dishes; we're out of dishwashing soap. Okay, the laundry is calling. Have a great day and remember that the warm air will be arriving in the MIDDLEwest one of these days. Thanks a lot for stopping-in and for listening to the podcast. We're back up in the top 50 with the podcast (number 39 right now). I need to quit worrying about that but we have not reached number one yet since switching to the comedy genre. I don't think we have even made the top ten yet but we will. Get your emails in for the podcast by 4PM MST (Middle Standard Time). TTTT...MITM (out!) Ta

A Deep Dark Sinister Blog or Just the Same Old Stuff?

Why do we do the things we do? This is a question I have been asking myself for the last couple of days. It

doesn't have any deep dark sinister basis it means nothing more than "why do we do the things we do?' Why do I write a blog and you may not? Why do you maybe smoke cigarettes or fly a helicopter and I don't? I know it comes down to what we are/were exposed to and what just clicks with each of us but I was exposed to smoking - quite a few of my relatives that I was with a lot as a child smoked but I have never smoked. My dad loves to fish but I have never liked to fish even though I like to eat fish. Cha Cha likes to garden but I don't like to garden. I have had many philosophical questions like this going on in my head lately. Why do some people think these things and others don't? Is it because of a lot of things happening recently that we have been told are milestones? Splenda turned 21 and Fabio turned 16. My dad turns 75-years-old this year, I will have been married 25 years at the end of this month, I will reach the half-century mark this year... These last three being multiples of five. Are fives and zeros big deals because most of us have five fingers on each hand and ten on the two hands together? Are things in multiples of threes and sixes big deals to sloths? Are there other kinds of sloths other than three-toed sloths?  If not, why do they have to throw the words "three-toed" in the name "three-toed sloths?" Do cartoon characters make big deals about fours and eights? How come cartoon characters only have four fingers on each hand? Is it really so they don't accidentally flip us off? When and why did the MIDDLE finger mean what we think it means? And when did "FU" start to be bad? Why is it bad when we have to do that to procreate and continue our species and that is supposed to be a good thing unless we talk over-population and then, who decided when too many people are too many people? I thought that you could never have too much of a good thing and I believe that most people are good so maybe it's just when we started getting bad people that there were too many people. Wow, I feel well-rested for the first time in about two years today and maybe that is what happens with a well-rested Matt. I am not sure if I am more annoying tired or when I am not tired.

I like cole slaw. Just saying.

The new  Dirty Laundry Podcast  is in the can (or in the ether or on the web or in the pod...). Tomorrow we start the third season. I do love doing the podcast. I love that people get enjoyment from the show and that we make people think and feel entertained and laugh and realize that some of the same things they think are thought by other people too. I think we also educate in our entertainment. We have a guest scheduled to be on the show this week. If you have been a regular listener you will know this person as he has been a guest several times and we always get great feed-back when Jay Cole is on the show.
I think I am going to take some more college courses next semester. I may even start in the summer taking one class. I haven't taken any college courses since I was, well, in college but I have the opportunity to take free college classes and why wouldn't I just do that? I could just take classes for the love of learning rather than having to take things to meet requirements to get a degree. What should I take? Something to help me in my life like nutrition or finance? Something to help me with the podcast like editing or more broadcasting classes since things have changed since I learned all of the things I think I know? When I was working on my broadcasting degree we still had turntables for music. Creative writing classes for the blog and the podcast? Maybe I can work on the college radio or television stations. Acting classes so I could act normal sometimes? Engineering so I could build a bridge? Psychology so I can figure out what's wrong with me? I have taken many, many psychology classes while in college and I still am who I am so that was a waste other than getting the credits and fulfilling my degree requirements. I just now thought maybe I will be Thornton Melon. Why do I have the name Thornton Melon in my head without a single hesitation but I cannot remember what to get when I go to the supermarket without a list?

Yesterday I blogged about maybe getting some tickets for a show in Chicago for our 25th. Broadway is doing the same thing that the movies are doing. Instead of coming up with new ideas they are dredging-up the past in entertainment. Movies are remaking lots of old films - some that were great and didn't need remaking and some that sucked and didn't deserve or need remaking. Broadway has made Catch Me if You Can (the Leonardo DiCaprio film) and Big Fish (the Tim Burton movie) most recently. I liked both of these films but DO SOMETHING NEW AND ORIGINAL like The Book of Mormon, for instance. I do not mean literally redoing The Book of Mormon already just do something original like this is original. I know this in not a new trend but it is just lazy. Maybe I will take a screenwriting class so I can help be part of the solution rather than just continuing to complain about the problem. I probably need something to push me to get a manuscript done. If I HAVE TO do it for a class I will be forced to me motivated maybe. There are always more important things to do when I don't HAVE TO do it (like homework). OMG - I just had a great idea for a play. Seriously, it would be a great show and people would come to see this show. I will not share it now because I may actually write this one. Best thing - IT"S ORIGINAL! A musical maybe but I can only do the lyrics and may have to turn to somebody else for the music (BE READY ERIC SOLFISBURG!)

I had better end because I think you likely stop here for a quick in-out-in-out and I have started to turn this into a cuddling thing. Also, I have to start some laundry and get the kitchen tidied-up. I will try not to get as much sleep for next time. I took two Benadryls for the first time in a long time and it caused me to get seven hours of sleep and that is about twice as much as this old mind is used to. Thanks a lot for making it this far in the blog - that's why I love you so much. Have a great April 2nd and beyond and if you have any suggestions for shows or classes I am all ears. TTTT...MITM (out and wide-awake) TA - H!