I Want To Be a Real Boy!

I sure did get wet at work last night; it's funny how being outside in the pouring-down rain for hours will do that to one. It was nice to be able to get home and get in the shower where it was a lot drier. I felt like I was working in a dunk tank.

I love slow news days on the internet. MSN's lead stories are: "stars who face foreclosure" and "see where celebs are now" and "they're how tall?" and "famous high school dropouts" and "why Wolfgang Puck is the Steven Spielberg of restaurants" and "what are these celebrity's real names" and "Man had pencil in his head for 15 years." There is a story that they may have found a sonar of Amelia Earhart's plane. I hope that last one is true but I could not care less about those other stories. When did we become a society that is driven by entertainment? Is that bad? They used to say "no news is good news" but that was in the days when that was true. Now "no news means we have to find news that really shouldn't be and isn't news." These days there are people who tell us what the news is rather than just letting the news be the news. It all comes down to public relations and money. Maybe we just crave escape more than reality these days.

In a related note. Why are The Kardashians famous again? I also saw that Kylie Jenner (one of Bruce Jenner's daughters and thus a Kardashian) went to lunch with Jaden Smith (Will and Jada's son, of course) in New York. Jaden dressed in a very authentic-looking Iron Man costume/uniform/get-up during the lunch. I am ready to train for that trip to Mars that we talked about on Dirty Laundry Podcast a month or so ago. You get trained and go there but there is no technology that allows you to get back so you pretty-much give your life for science or hope the technology develops so they can create a way to get you back before you die up there. Why do we say "up there?" I bet when you're "up there" you'd look at Earth and say "up there" too. They cannot both be correct can they?

I put in for my sixty hours of vacation time last night. Most people would not have had to use that much of their vacation time because four of those days are Saturday's and Sundays. People usually don't have to use vacation days to take Saturdays and Sundays off. If I had traditional days off that would have saved me fifteen vacation hours. By the time my vacation does arrive at the end of July my days off may change and I might get one or two of those days back. That is provided that the new days off are some of the days of the week that will be doubled in that vacation stretch. The days off change, if I am lucky enough to get some of the days off that I bid on, will begin July 1st. I want to be a real boy.

So, I am playing on-line poker again. I really like playing poker. I prefer to play it in person but I have to make sure I still have my chops before I make that move again. So far I am winning a lot more than I am losing so I think I still got game. I am a pretty competitive person and poker is a good outlet for that. The reason that I prefer to play in person is that I can usually read people pretty well and you cannot do that as well online. I also like to play with chips and I love the sound of the chips clinking together. Schwing!

It's time to make the donuts. I have to get dinner ready and start getting my game-face on for another fun-filled evening. Have a great night. Thanks a lot for being here again. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Sportsmanship and Hitler

Wow, the Chicago Blackhawks game was a good game last night. I think the people of Detroit would have to agree even though the great majority of them probably didn't like the outcome. I was gonna type "final outcome" but I think that may be repeatedly redundant. The last four teams left in the NHL play-offs are the last four Stanley Cup winners; how cool is that? I bet the Lord Stanley of Preston would be very proud. Some people bash sports sometimes but who knows history better than sports fans? Would I know who Queen Victoria made the General Governor of Canada in 1888 if it weren't for sports? NO! Incidentally, June 11th is the anniversary of his being appointed to that position.

I never really thought about it but Fabio pointed-out last night how great it was that the players from the two teams shook hands (robot gloves) at the end of the game. One of the most violent games of all and they have sportsmanship. I coached many different sports for my kids over the years and we always had them shake hands at the ends of their games. I never really thought about hockey players being one of the only sports that does that. I guess they do it in golf. Tennis does it, volleyball, I think, does it. Boxers even do it. Quarterbacks do it. Maybe it's just a couple of sports that don't do it. Sportsmanship - catch it! I guess you don't have to shake hands to practice good sportsmanship. The best sportsmanship story I think I ever heard was from a women's softball game between Western Oregon and Central Washington. The player on WO hit her first career home run. While she was rounding the bases she missed first and went back to touch the base and her knee buckled and she tore a ligament. She was in too much agony to round the bases. Softball rules say that a player has to round the bases without the assistance of teammates for the runs to count. The first baseman from CW asked the umpire if the player would get credit for the home run if she and one of her teammates (the opponents) assisted her. The umpire said she would and they carried her around the bases stopping so she could touch each base and home plate. The game was not as important as integrity and kindness. It still chokes me up five years later.

What's the deal with that Taylor Swift song 22? "Dress up like Hitlers?" Is it a Halloween song? I actually did dress up like Hitler one Halloween; I could not think of anything scarier. Cha Cha was Cleopatra that year. I was probably around 22 years old. No, I was more like 19 or 20 so maybe the song 22 isn't about me after all. I guess I will have to keep working and forget about my royalty checks from Taylor. I have to get over that thinking everything is about me thing.

My three-day weekend comes to an end tonight. It is odd how that one extra day off makes such a big difference. Now I have to turn back into a vampire again. Today's blog sure does have a Halloween theme today doesn't it?

It took me longer than usual into the blog to mention Dirty Laundry Podcast. I hope Cha Cha remembered to upload it from iTunes because she left on the train this morning (I dropped her at the station at 07:11) and she still has not reached Evanston (Illinois) at 10:53. We heard all of the reports on the radio about some train delays and she has had to stop at several stations and wait for different trains... It's times like this when people need a little Dirty Laundry Podcast - be prepared! By the time she gets to the Evanston office it will be time for her to come home. Also, check out the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page to see the short cartoon of our show produced by The Lost Sock. It makes me laugh every time I watch it - which is a lot.

Poker in the rain (good combo)

I am really in a mood to play some poker. I know that is random but so is the blog so, in that, it is not random.

Thanks a lot for stopping by the blog and listening to the podcast. I really appreciate you. Have a great day and night and another weekend is just around the corner for you. Hopefully you are not where there is going to be constant rain and storms like there is supposed be here in the MIDDLEwest. I have to spend about six or seven hours outside tonight in the chance of storms; it won't be the first time or the last. I like the rain so I don't mind too much. Thanks again. TTTT...MITM (out)

Free The Vowels!

I was watching some late night television and there was a Colonial Penn life insurance commercial on with Alec Trebec and he said it costs "less than 35 cents a day." What in the Helser does that mean? 34 cents a day? 29 cents a day? Say what it is not what it's not Alec. And say it in the form of a question. What is that all about too? Can't they do away with that answer in the form a question deal? It was cute in the 60's but come on - enough already. And how come you have to buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune? FREE THE VOWELS! So many damn stupid game show rules. "Closest to without going over." Closest is closest - too hard to do the math? I bet the guy who originally came up with that rule wasn't very good at subtracting. On the corner of Laziness and Ignorance is probably where most game show rules were born.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. I will try to think of something to entice you to listen but if you are you are and if you're not you're not. Let me just say that on this week's show you will find out how to watch an eight minute cartoon of Cha Cha and I as done by The Lost Sock! It is funny as Helser. I think everyone should see themselves as a cartoon character. The world would be so much nicer if we were all cartoons. I cannot thank The Lost Sock enough and I could not be more impressed by what he did. I just watched the cartoon again and it cracks me up every time I watch it. Check it out on the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page. While you're there be sure to "like" us.

Wow, I had forgotten that I started writing this. I went to close the window and discovered that I left a dangling blogiciple. Now I have to think of something else to write.

Tonight the Chicago Blackhawks are back at it against the Detroit Red Wings. I have been a Hawks fan for as long as I can remember. I hope they get it done tonight. Hawks - Wings is a pretty long rivalry and they both play tough against one another. It will be a good game. The Blackhawks need to score four goals to win; they scored four each time they beat the Red Wings in this series.

It is now 18:24 and I have been working on this blog since about 02:00. I have not been writing continuously, of course, but that is when I began. Over sixteen hours of writing and this is the crap I am writing now? I just got back from the store and I bought stuff to make tacos. I made the tacos and everybody else here is eating. I am not really hungry right now. The Blackhawks start soon so I have blogged long enough (sixteen hours is my limit). Have a great night and thanks for stopping by. I hope it did not take you as long to read this as it did for me to write it. Unless, of course, you are a slow reader (which is fine) or you were just savoring every well-chosen word. TTTT...MITM (out like the cartoon character I have become) TA!

Blog High By the Fourth of July!

Normally right now I would be sleeping but thanks to the men and women who have fought and served/serve

Wrong holiday I think

to make sure you and I are safe (for you Americans reading this) I am well-rested this morning. I actually got Memorial Day off. It was normally a scheduled day for me to work but our Sgt. was very nice and gave us the option of having it off and not having to use a vacation day. If I had worked I would have gotten my regular pay for the day plus holiday pay but sometimes getting paid one time for not working is better than getting paid two times for working. When your weekend is Tuesday and Wednesday having a day off on Monday is one of those times I felt this time. So, now it is only 09:46 and I have been to Menard's to buy some more black mulch and have already spread it (TWSS) and I am blogging. Yesterday I did the front yard and mowed the front because it was threatening rain. Now it looks like rain and the grass in the back is really wet so the back will have to wait.Yesterday Cha Cha and I went to see the new Star Trek movie Into Darness and also began watching the new episodes of Arrested Development on Netflix. We will talk about both of those tonight when we record Dirty Laundry Podcast so I won't ruin that for you. 

Property taxes are due in four days. $3,100 now and another $3,100 in September. A lot of people have their taxes included in their mortgage but we decided not to pay the juice (interest) on our property taxes each month in the mortgage payment. We should really have our property reassessed while the prices are still low before the recovery that may occur one day occurs. We may have waited too long already. Plus, we have made so many improvements to the house and yard that it may actually hurt us? I don't really know all that much about it. Hard to believe huh?

Public Enemy John Dryden

There is a high school social studies teacher in Batavia, IL, John Dryden, that is facing disciplinary action for informing his students of their Constitutional rights. The reason this is a big deal to me is that I went to college with this guy and worked on a newspaper with him. The students were given a survey asking about their illegal drug and alcohol usage. When John (I feel I can call him John rather than Dryden because I know him and this is only a blog and not a newspaper article) picked up the surveys from his mailbox ten minutes before he was to give them to the students and he noticed that they had the students' names on them. He informed the students of their Fifth Amendment rights and said they did not have to answer the questionnaires if it involved them incriminating themselves. In school I always thought he was an a-hole but I must blog that I agree with him here. I was an a-hole in school sometimes, as I am now too every 28 days or so, and I haven't talked to him in about 30 years so maybe he is a really great guy now. No MATTer what - right is right. He is a social studies teacher who just got done teaching the Bill of Rights; what did the school expect? Now he is facing possible disciplinary action up to and including termination. They always throw that "up to and including termination" in there. If he does get fired for this I predict I may be one degree from John Stewart. But, the school will buckle to the heat that, undoubtedly, is headed their way. I know he always wanted to be an actor so this may be his ticket.

Th sun is coming out. Good thing I didn't take a shower yet because I may get to mow the backyard now. I am sitting here in a pair of shorts so the transformation to Lawnmower Man is a very quick one. Yes, that's all I am wearing ladies. If I get it done today I won't have to do it tomorrow and there is a chance of rain for every day for the next week so that would be good. I mowed it last week right before all of the rain and I may get that done this week too. The rain is good. I noticed when I went to get the mulch this morning that the corn is already ankle high. That's kind of a nice measurement because everybody's ankles are about the same height. That whole "knee high by the fourth of July" thing isn't the same because everybody's knees are not the same height - those are based more on the lengths of your legs and your height. In case you are not from the MIDDLEwest - "knee high by the fourth of July" is where the corn should be if it is a good crop year. I don't see any problem there this year.

I had better get more clothes on so the neighbors eyes don't burn-out when I go out to mowing and I'd better do it soon before the rain arrives. Thanks a lot for stopping in. If you have mail for Dirty Laundry Podcast there is still time to get it in before we record tonight. Have a great rest of your day and your night. TTTT (almost certainly)...MITM (secret identity of Lawnmower Man) Out! TA!

I Bunch of Non-Cents!

What do you suppose the National Gastroenterologist Association was thinking when they asked me to do a PSA (public service announcement) on this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast? I try to be good but sometimes my goodness ends in cease and desist letters and threats of legal action. I just like to put my own personal spin on flatulence awareness and this is the thanks I get. If you haven't listened to this week's show you had better click that link or download it onto your mobile devise free from iTunes (Dirty Laundry Podcast) quickly before we are forced to take it down. Right now I am playing the "it's a three day weekend" card and cannot be reached but I worry that ropes will drop from a cloud and the Podcast Police will appear from the sky and leave Cha Cha to blog-on without me. I will leave her with a story - it's the least that I could do.

Did you know that most grocery stores don't carry popsicle sticks? Maybe in the summer they would? I had to improvise but now that I think of it I should have just bought the cheapest popsicles and thrown them in a sink full of hot water and liquefied those rascals for their sticks. That probably would have even been cheaper than if I had found the popsicles. That's probably what ivory hunters say too. Plastic knives had to step in and "playing the role of popsicle sticks for chocolate covered bananas this week will be plastic knives."

I wish I did not un-do my day-off tonight. That sentence seems wrong but as many times as I read it I think it is correct. At this point I would just be taking it off to take it off and I have a three-day weekday end coming up M-T-W so it didn't make sense and anybody who knows me that I ALWAYS make cents. I wish I made dollars but cents are better than non-cents.I does seem like it would be a good night for a fire outside though - oh well.

At 2:01 AM MST (Middle Standard Time normally called CST) Arrested Development hits Netflix. I will still have about four hours of work left so we will not be the first to see it. I guess Cha Cha could watch them without me and I have Netflix on my phone so I could watch it on my phone if we're slow at work. While I blog this I have the Arrested Development marathon on IFC on the boob tube (I really should sue over the use of my nickname in that term). I would have been disappointed if they had not exploited the new shows. It's because of idiots like me that they do this every time something like this happens. I am surprised that we haven't seen the original The Great Gatsby on television. I bet it's been there and I just haven't seen it. I forgot that Splenda took the Wii back with her to school when she was just home last week. Now we will be huddled around one of our laptops. I suppose we could use the X-Box 360 but Fabio would have a problem with that and it is his. Maybe we'll just have to hook-up one of the laptops to the television. This sure is turning into a commercial for Netflix and Arrested Development isn't it? Maybe there is a way I can monetize this blog one day huh? Why would they pay me if I do it for free? What a maroon! More non-cents.

I have to end now. Cha Cha will be home from her two hour hair thingy. I am in and out in about fifteen minutes and it takes her two hours. I could last longer if I wanted to but I am more about the old in-out-in-out when it comes to hair-shaping. Have a nice night and tomorrow. I doubt that I will blog tomorrow but I may blog live during the AD marathon; you never know what I may do. Neither do I. Thanks a lot for stopping-in. Make sure to check out the podcast before it's yanked (no comment). TTTS (soon)...MITM (gone).

Yes, I am a Binger! And a Bit Bananas

My frustration that you read about in yesterday's blog passed and I managed to get Dirty Laundry Podcast uploaded. I guess I just had to have a blogger tantrum to realize how ridiculous I was being. I went back down to the studio after whining about the problem and just finished the laborious task of getting that monkey off of my back. I listened to the show last night and am happy with the show. It is always worth the hassles when I get the podcast done.

So, it is Memorial Day weekend in the U.S. and A. I love saying U.S. and A. and always hear the voice of Borat Sagdiyev when I say it in my head. I wish we'd go back to calling Memorial Day Decoration Day as it was called when they invented it after The Civil War. We cannot thank the people in the armed services enough for what they do for us as we cannot take for granted the people who have done it through our history. I hadn't thought about it until now but Splenda is spending Memorial Day weekend on a Marine base; she drove to North Carolina yesterday to see her fiance. I was worried the entire time she drove down there. The movie Deliverance kept going through my mind. Do you think that fatherly worry thing ever stops or is it just some of us worry-wart fathers that worry so much? I have always been a worrier. I think it's because I think too much. This is probably why people develop drinking problems and such. I am not smart enough to develop a substance dependency I guess.

Is it true that people don't need automobile insurance in Wisconsin? That's what some girl just told my girlfriend Judge Judy. All the cheese one could ever want and no insurance and it's above me (on the map) - Wisconsin may be Heaven.

The BS of A (Boy Scouts of America) surprised me yesterday when 61% of the voting members voted to lift the ban against gay members. This does not allow for homosexual leaders yet but it is a step in the right direction. I just read a story about a lesbian who was ousted as her son's den mother or whatever they are called these day. That will be the next step and, hopefully, the voters will be as open-minded as they were with this vote when they make that vote sometime later. The talk about this being good and bad will continue but, for now, the issue is resolved. Welcome to current times BSA!

Arrested Development will be launched to Netflix in two days. I am guessing that Cha Cha and I will be spending about seven-and-a-half hours or so watching all of the episodes this holiday weekend. This sort of viewing is known as binge-watching and I am guilty of being a binger in many ways. Mitch Hurwitz, creator of Arrested Development, says that comedy takes a lot out of us and it's okay not to watch it all in the same sitting but what does he know? I will attest that comedy takes a lot out of you because I am hilariously funny, probably the funniest person I have ever known and will definitely be the first inductee in the MHCHOF (Matt Helser Comedy Hall of Fame) and I am always tired but I don't need any spoilers so I will watch it all at once. If you're a fan and don't have Netflix come on over. Call for showings as I also promised Cha Cha that we would see the new Star Trek film this weekend (without that greedy cuss William Shatner - listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast to hear about the new feud between he and I). A busy media weekend - being world-famous podcasters comes with responsibilities. Don't tell Cha Cha but I think I am going to make chocolate and nut covered frozen bananas (Bluth's Frozen Bananas) for our Arrested Development marathon. Incidentally, Jason Bateman recommends watching four episodes a day and Will Arnett says, "you gotta hammer your way through. Hit play and don't stop until you run out of battery on your viewing devise." I think I may go to Banana Republic to get something new for the premiere. Luckily, I have Netflix on my phone in case I run out of viewing time - watch and go.

This is getting too long - not a banana joke. Have a great extended weekend. I will blog this weekend one or two days.Seriously, let me know if you want to watch Arrested with a couple of comedy legends while eating The Agitator's (aka Matt In The Middle) banana. Thanks a lot for stopping by and please LISTEN TO THE PODCAST! TTTT or Sunday or MD (Memorial Day). TA!

Jack Frost Nipping at My Blog

An old acquaintance that I have never been very fond of is scheduled to be in town again tonight. I have known him most of my life and never really started to dislike him until the past ten years or so. He wears on my nerves. His name is Jack Frost. He is supposed to arrive this evening and I think it will be a short stay but I think once he is gone he probably won't be back until October or November. In honor of his arrival tonight I have turned the heat back on in the house. He is so damn particular about temperatures so I hope he doesn't outstay his welcome like he usually does.

Tonight is my Monday morning - woo hoo. It's only a four day week for me this week as we were given the option of taking Memorial Day off without using a vacation day. I would usually work that day and get paid for working and get paid holiday pay too (double pay) but since my weekend is Tuesday/Wednesday I took the boss up on the offer and will have a three-day weekend while getting paid single time for Monday while I am not there. I hope it stays a little chilly because it would be nice to have a fire in the backyard Monday night. I don't think we had a fire all last year.

I am really getting frustrated with Dirty Laundry Podcast. Almost every week we get done with the show and I get it edited but when I go to upload the show something happens or the things that are supposed to happen don't happen. I really love recording the show and I love the final product but getting the part in the MIDDLE of that gives me trouble more times than not. I am sure most of it is because of something that I do or don't do but how come sometimes it works fine and then the next week I do it the same way and it doesn't work fine. I am almost to the point sometimes to quite doing the show all together. It would seem a shame after doing 113 shows (counting the one I have not yet gotten launched) to stop but is it worth the frustration for a hobby? I am pretty sure I could spend my time better doing something else. I know one thing - the new show will not be up today. I will calm down and eventually push through all of the headaches but I am not in the mood now. I really don't like the person who decided that, "nothing worth doing is easy." I am not even really sure if that is a saying.

Today the Boy Scouts of America vote on whether to allow gay members. What a bunch of jerks to even have this be an issue. I don't remember sex being part of the Boy Scouts for the brief time I was there. We were more excited to pass our test to be able to carry a pocket knife. I made it through Webelos and was in Boy Scouts for awhile but found it kind of stupid. I am trying so hard not to make any Webelos jokes. I think it meant something like "we be loyal scouts." I would not want to be part of an organization that is so intolerant. I bet the Hitler Youth had gay members. I also bet there were gay member in Boy Scouts when I was there and have always been. I think if I were that age again and I were gay I would join and not say anything about it and get to be an Eagle Scout and then let everyone know I was gay. I guess they are a private organization and can do what they want but prejudice of any kind seems to be against what the Scouts should stand for. Like always the women lead the way; The Girl Scouts of America allow gay members.

I have quit because I cannot think about anything but the podcast. I may go back down and see if it can be easily remedied but I don't believe it can be. If and when I get it up it will be quite an accomplishment. I will let you know if that happens. Have a great chilly day if you're in the MIDDLEwest. Pretty soon it will be 100 degrees with high humidity and then  will be complaining about that. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Soul Searching Epiphany Blog?

Bubba Chubbs

It's funny how the same temperature feels differently at different times. Cha Cha cannot stand being hot so, when the weather turned just a little bit warmer she turned on the central air in the house. In the winter, when it is very cold outside, we have the thermostat set at 72 degrees Fahrenheit and it seems warm. Now that it is warmer out the thermostat is still set at 72 degrees and it is freezing in here. I actually have a blanket over my lap while I write this blog. I look like a little old grandmother with my cheater-glasses on and a blanket over my lap. I should be out writing this on the patio I suppose. If I turn the air off it will be warm in here when Cha Cha gets home and it's always polite to keep the ladies happy. So, I will just be a bubbameister. I am not sure if that is the real word and even if it is I am not sure if it is the proper use of it but I like it either way. Maybe I will change my name to Bubba Meister but I would go by Bubba Chubbs (inside joke for MADYM).

I think I am going to talk about this next thing on Dirty Laundry Podcast when we record it tonight but it is too good not to share here too. There is a new report in the New York Post that says that rich people from New York have been hiring handicapped (I am not sure if that is a politically correct term but I mean nothing derogatory by it so I think it's okay) tour guides to take their children to Disney World so the kids can get to the fronts of the lines. The story claims that they are hiring people with legitimate physical limitations from a company called Dream Tours to chaperon their children through the park because everybody knows rich people shouldn't have to wait in line like the rest of us. This must be even faster than the Speed Pass or whatever it's called these days. They actually get a whole different entrance to the rides and get on immediately. They are paying $130 per hour ($1,040 for an eight hour day) for his "service." I am very sympathetic toward people who have physical and/or mental limitations but I have never really thought about it before now but why should they get to go to the front of the line anyway? I know that may seem harsh but I would think that people with handicaps would want to be treated the same as everyone else. I am trying to think how I would feel and maybe I would feel a little cheated and want to get special treatment when I can get it. Celebrities get special treatment this way too I think. I will have to bounce it off of Cha Cha tonight on the podcast so I can decide how I feel. I like to get other people's thoughts before I make up my mind sometimes. As brilliant as I think I am sometimes I don't always think of every aspect most times. There may be a soul-searching epiphany that I will reach tonight.

Speaking of rich people thinking they should be able to do whatever they want to do - Justin Bieber had his monkey seized by German officials (this is not a sex joke - this really his pet Capuchin monkey Mally). He was trying to take it into Germany without the proper vaccination papers. He had until Friday to produce the proper documentation and could not so now the monkey is headed to a zoo somewhere in Germany. Officials said he (the monkey) has gained weight since no longer living the Bieber life-style since March 28th. Bieber sure does have a lot of trouble in that part of the world. The whole Ann Frank thing awhile back and now this. Maybe he should stay in his neighborhood and just continue to anger his neighbors by speeding around in his car.

I have to get starting on pre-show prep. There are no scripts but there is a lot of work that needs to be done to sound as clueless as I am. It's like any hobby I suppose. It's a lot of fun but it's quite a bit work too. Think about any hobby you have or have ever had; it;s quite a bit of work isn't it? Maybe work is the wrong word. Labor of love (blaaahhhhh). Thanks a lot for being here and I will let you know when the newest load of our hobby is available for listening. I wish I hadn't been watching Little House on the Prairie the whole time I was writing this because it's the part of the show where I always get choked-up and teary-eyed. Makes it hard to type. Have a great night. I will probably blog tomorrow while Dirty Laundry Podcast is uploading. TTTT...MITM (thankful it is his Saturday and typing in the third person) TA!

I Have Found a Positive Thing About Smoking!

I apologize for being sweaty and maybe smelly but I just got done mowing the lawn. That is one of the nice things about having a non-traditional work week; I can mow the lawn in the MIDDLE of my night without angering the neighbors. It is supposed to rain for the next couple of days in the MIDDLEwest so I thought it might be a good idea to get the mowing done. Get busy mowing or get busy dying. It is pretty warm out there today but it is really windy so it doesn't seem that warm. I really like mowing the lawn. I wonder if people think I am stupid for having a teenage son and I mow the lawn but I like doing it. I am a thinker and mowing is good thinking time. You might not know that to talk to me but I think a lot. I think too much which is most of my problem. I like listening to my music and Dirty Laundry Podcast too and this is always a good time to do that.

If you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast you heard on the recent load that we have baby bunnies in the yard. They are out and about now and I am sure those big ears don't like the lawnmower. I only saw one of the rabbits so I am making an assumption that they are all out and about. When the one who I saw - I will assume he is Peter because Flopsy, Mopsy and Cotton Tail are back home where they are supposed to be while Peter Rabbit is out running away from lawnmowers. When he was trying to hide he went to the neighbors fence and stayed motionless. Obviously, I saw him so he wasn't as slick as he thinks. I steered clear of him because I did not want to make him go under the fence because the other side of that fence would make Mr. McGregor's garden look like Club Med. Over there are three Great Danes and three Irish Setters. I am guessing six huge dogs would make mincemeat out of that rabbit.

This time of year always makes me think of Bambi. We have robins in the yard feeding their babies. The babies just peep and peep and the poor parents are flying around the yard bringing them back food. We have the rabbits, of course. I saw geese with goslings last night. I saw a duck nesting in an ashtray the other night. Yes, in an ashtray. Of course, I had to take a photo of Ash Tray Duck. I am gonna check on them from time to time and I already have names picked out for the ducklings: Salem, Carlton, Kool, Winston, Viceroy and Kent. I am not sure how many eggs are under there so this will be a start. I knew that there had to be at least one redeeming thing about smoking and I think this is it. The sand (or whatever it is) that they put in these ashtrays is good for hatching ducklings. I don't know how they will get out of there once they hatch but they will figure that out I guess.

I watched a couple of movies last night that I will talk about on the podcast this week. I finally watched Django: Unchained and Jack Reacher. I got paid while watching them so when I talk about them on the show I will officially be a professional movie reviewer. I also have Hitchcock with Anthony Hopkins but I have not watched that one yet. I will try to watch it by tomorrow night and Cha Cha may watch that one too. Speaking of films I think Cha Cha and I are going to see the new Star Trek film Saturday. Don't tell her but I put in for a night off Saturday because for some unknown reason she wants to go see William Shatner. She really, really, really wants to meet him. There is a known reason - I think she is a Trekkie or a Trekker or whichever category she falls into. I have never been a fan but I am a Cha Cha fan so I will be a good co-host and go along for Vulcan support. NA NU NA NU. I think I will take the digital recorder to see of I can get The Shat to say "I'm William Shatner and you're listening to Dirty Laundry Podcast." He probably won't but it's always worth a try I guess. I wonder if it will be like a scene from Galaxy Quest.

I have to start getting dinner ready. I am making crab-stuffed salmon and then I have to get on to my Friday work day; thank goodness tomorrow begins my weekday end. I live for my weekday ends. They are hiring five more people and have them trained by the end of summer which means I will move up quite a bit in seniority and may get a better weekend when we bid for days-off in June/July. Even one typical weekend day off would be great. Let me know if you're looking for a job and I will let you know where/how to apply. The deadline for applying is May 22nd which is Wednesday I guess so let me know right away. Thanks a lot for being here and for listening to the podcast - I cannot express how happy it make me that you do. Let me know if you want to meet Shatner with us and I can get you the details on that too. Have a great night and I will probably be back here tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (beaming out - she will never make me a Trekkie/Trecker as hard as she tries. Her Jedi mind tricks won't work on me but that is a better line of films. TA!

MITM Season Finale

This is the season finale of the blog. The next season will start either tomorrow or Monday. Apparently that

is the way to attract people to your show or, in this case, blog. I am watching the Chicago Blackhawks game and there was a commercial for tonight's Saturday Night Live and they said it is the season finale. Does that really make a difference in a show like SNL? Is there going to be a cliff hanger? I imagine in the case of SNL it means this will be the last time you can see this cast. This is generally when they partially change the cast (members). I guess Seth Meyers is probably not going to be back next season since he is replacing Jimmy Fallon who is replacing that turd Jay Leno. I may actually watch The Tonight Show again next season. I had never watched one episode of The Tonight Show while Chin was there; I dislike him that much. There were guests on there that I really liked too but I dislike Leno that much more. On Dirty Laundry Podcast we don't have season finales we just measure it in years - we are in season year three right now. We also do not take the summer off. You would think with DVR's some television shows would go all year long to maybe gain viewers from the shows that are on hiatus. 

Dirty Laundry Podcast is up to number 33 in the comedy category. Please download it either from that link or on iTunes and help us get to #1 in comedy. We made it in the philosophy category before we changed to the larger, more cut-throat category of comedy, and we want to get to number one in comedy. We could have rested on our laurels and stayed in philosophy but that would not have been philosophical would it? 

Gas is $3.999 in my town right now. Yes, this is MY town - Mattsburgh, Mattsylvania. Why do they have to include the other 9/10ths in gas prices? Why can't they just say that fuel in $4.00 per gallon? Is it a psychological thing against the consumers? There must be a reason. I wish there were a way that I could just look things up instantly by typing some words and see what comes out. Maybe some day.

Even an arm and a leg add 9/10ths !!!!!!!

Tonight is the drawing for the $600,000,000 Powerball. It doesn't seem as exciting as it used to be. It seems to get that big every couple of weeks or so now. We are going to become desensitizes to anything less than $1,000,000,000 soon. That being said, I bought some tickets for a chance to win a mere $600 million. I won't win but even a piece of it would be nice so I can afford the extra 9/10ths I have to pay for gas.

What would I do with a winning ticket worth $600,000,000? The first thing I would do is to hire someone to let me know how to keep most of my $600 & 9/10 million. The podcast would get a lot better. Yes, I would keep doing the podcast because I love doing it but it would get A LOT better. Pretty sure we'd move to our new island in the south pacific with a great view from the studio. A new car would most likely be in order. I could use a new pair of sneakers (I usually call them tennis shoes but I have only played tennis in my current sneakers five or six times which I guess officially makes them tennis shoes). Pay off the house. And that's it for now. I don't really need that kind of money and it would probably make life harder rather than easier but I would like to help a lot of people and causes so that would be nice. I bet I would hear from quite a few people who I haven't heard from for a while. I like reunions sometimes so that would be cool too. Maybe I would buy a gas station and get rid of the whole 9/10th thing at my station. I'd call it Wally's Fillin' Station I think. I may even change my name to Wally which would be ironic since I look more like The Beaver. He got uglier when he got older just like I have. 

$600,000,000 might be a good start (Mattmobile)

I have to end now because I am getting stuffed-up (TWSS). I work tonight so I will try to get a few winks in before that too. I may listen to the Powerball numbers and take some of the night off if I win. I like my job but I think I would like not having to have even more. I am trying to be philosophical because if I did win the big money the news agencies would try to find as much about me as they could and then the blog would suddenly be popular too. The Beatles were wrong - you CAN buy love. Have a great rest of your weekend. Summer at my work is a lot easier but I would rather have it be tougher and busier because the time goes faster when we are busy. When we are busier I help more people too and I like helping people. I wonder what that is about? A weakness of mine I guess. Thanks a lot for stopping-by and for helping us reach number one in the comedy category; I will remember you when that $600 million starts rolling in - probably more like $300,000,000 after they screw me out of their share. TTTM most likely though tomorrow night I will probably be looking for things to do...MITM (out) TA!

Reoccurring Daymares? Awesome!

I am not sure what the exact definition of "nightmare" is and I sleep during the day rather than during the night which further vexes me but I believe I am having a recurring daymare. Last day (that would be last night to you most likely) I had the same daymare that I had the night day before. It wasn't the stereotypical daymare (not just because it wasn't at night) but I suppose we all have our own things that our mind tries to work out in it's spare time - "what color socks goes with this" and things of that nature. In my day mare I was editing Dirty Laundry Podcast and it was going horribly bad and it was never-ending.  The one I had yesterday was worse than the one I just had because when I woke up I had no idea where I was and no idea what time or even what day it was. It is very odd for me to remember my dreams so having a reoccurring one is doubly-odd. Waking up in my own bed and not having any idea where I was was the topper. The room seemed familiar but it seemed tilted, a different color and turned in a different direction or something. It was like waking up in an arch villain's lair on Batman. I don't do drugs and I had not been drinking it was just weird; I rather enjoyed it actually and hope it continues. Both times I was awoken by my cell phone ringing so maybe that is some kind of factor too. It means I am sleeping deeply I guess. Or, maybe I am going Matt mad. If I do go mad please don't worry; I love trying new things. Also, you have my permission to screw with me if I go loony. I thought I would tell you that while I am still of sound(ish) mind and put it in writing for you so you can show people that you are just respecting my wishes.

I bet you're happy that it's your Friday huh? I am happy that it's my Tuesday too. I cannot believe it's only noon. I would not have known but I turned to boob tube on (named for me I think - for many reasons) and the noon news is on. When did the news become about things that don't need to concern everyone. The lead story was about a house fire that killed a man and a woman. It is very tragic and sad but how does that concern the masses? Unless you know these people, though horrific if you do, it has nothing to do with you or I. Why is their jobs to make us sad? There is money in sadness I suppose; are they supported by the medical industry? I rarely watch the news for this precise reason. I would rather go to MSN or something on-line so I can choose which stories I want to "watch." It's like creating my own little happy and entertaining news show. I knew that degree and writing and editing news for years would have practical applications in time.

The Office series finale was last night.I have not watched it yet but DVR'd it. I heard that it is really good and I think I read a spoiler but that is what happens if you DVR things. I knew who won Survivor before I watched it but I still watched it. I was kind of bummed that The Office ran a bit long (on purpose) because Hannibal is only 45 minutes. I am watching Hannibal now and am pleasantly surprises that they did what I had hoped; they skipped several of the commercial breaks. Same amount of show with less hawking. It's like they did some of the speeding through the ads for me.

My feet hurt. I walked A LOT last night. I like walking but the sore feet I don't really care for. I probably did 8 - 10 miles. I used to use the pedometer on my iPod but by the time I got done the battery was dead and that was frustrating. I see where they have a little devise now that charges your USB devises and I know eventually I will get one of these. Maybe for Matti Gras?

I love the warmer weather but I hate being stuffed-up. I think I have seasonal allergies. I don't take anything for it I just become a mouth-breather. I like to give my nose hairs a break now and then. Also, there are probably a lot of nutrients in dirt. Minerals for sure.

This is starting to get long. I try to keep these short so you get a little of the old in-out-in-out because I know you have things to do. The podcast runs longer because you can take that with you if you wish. Thanks a lot for taking the time. I probably won't blog again until your Monday but I am never sure when the mood will strike. If I don't blog at you until Monday have a great weekend. Is it weird that I hope it rains? TTT?...MITM (out to possibly enjoy an afternoon mare later) TA!

A Nude Bea Arthur? Really?

I just got my haircut and when she washed my hair she said that the stuff they were using for my hair was a 3 in 1. It is a shampoo, conditioner and a body wash. What's next a 4 in 1? Shampoo, conditioner, body wash and mouth wash? Then a 5 in 1 they add deodorant. Then a 6 in 1 includes foot powder. I am sure when it does arrive it will be Axe. When will it end? I thought you weren't supposed to use regular soap on your hair but that is probably all a scam to get us to buy many different products and separate us from our cash.

It is nice to have the nicer weather for a bit. I got to drive the Fiat with the top down which on the way to get my haircut was pretty cool (not literally) because my hair was blowing about but on the way back it wasn't as fun.

Splenda has been home for over a week and it has been great. She is heading back south this afternoon because even though school's out for summer. No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks. She has to work so she has to fly south again. Last night she and Fabio and I went to a new Japanese steakhouse in town called Mikimoto Japanese Steakhouse. It was fun. We sat at the hibachi table and our chef or whatever he is called cooked right in front of us. His name was "Brian" and he laughed when I told him he doesn't look like a Brian. He was clearly not a Brian. I had the shrimp and chicken, Fabio had the lobster and chicken and Splenda had the vegetable. While he was cooking he threw food to us off of is spatula and all three of us caught the food in our mouths - I was never more proud as a father. That's not true; I have been a lot prouder many, many times but that was pretty cool that we are the Flying Wallendas of  hibachi. The food was good and "Brian" was great but it was confusing what we were supposed to do and the waitress was either a bad waitress or she wasn't really even sure what was going on. Once the hibachi part started it was great. Thank you "Brian!" Cha Cha was out with work friends so she was not with us but we had her blessing or we would not have gone.

I just saw on the website that we host Dirty Laundry Podcast on (PodOmatic) which also launches it to iTunes that we are one of the top ten comedy podcasts in Chicago. I posted a copy of the page on the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page. While we are on the Dirty Laundry Podcast portion of the blog the new podcast is up - click that red link up there or go to iTunes and search "Dirty Laundry Podcast." I feel like everything I was going to blog about we talked about on the podcast so I am blog-blocked.

I did see where a nude painting of Bea Arthur sold for $1.91 Million. I don't know if, even if I had that kind of money, I would even pay that much to watch a nude Bea Arthur clean my house. Maybe Estelle Getty but not Bea Arthur. I don't think the photo looks much like Bea but I'd have to see the entire body to really be a true judge. I can see maybe Franklin Pierce or Zachary Taylor or John Adams. A young Margaret Thatcher or Helen Mirren or is that the same person? I have looked at the photo for a bit now and I guess I do see Bea Arthur a bit. No, it's John Adams.

It's another nice day today in the MIDDLEwest. I actually didn't mind the cold that much this winter. I would say that Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons probably because they are the season in the MIDDLE of Winter and Summer. They also have the MIDDLE temperatures, I am a MIDDLE guy all the way I think. I wouldn't mind having large money to find out what that was like but I am okay in the MIDDLE there too.

I am just filibustering now. I have to trim my finger nails and finish up the laundry and get a few winks in before I go to work. I just took a break to take out the garbage. That's usually Fabio's job but I just felt like doing it - weird huh? I may also trim my nose hairs since they are probably more noticeable now with my head hairs trimmed. Have a great night sleeping with your window open if you are in mu nape of the neck. It won't be long before we're sweating to the MIDDLEies. Coincidentally, the washer and dryer are sing my tunes. Thanks a lot for stopping in and for listening to the podcast. I think about you all the time when I am writing this and we are recording that. TTTT (most likely)...MITM (folding) TA!

Bloggie Dearest!

Soap Operas are back on network television. The Bold and the Beautiful, Days of  Our Lives and

General Hospital are all listed on the guide. I thought they had run their courses and ratings went down so much that they decided not to have these shows any more. Now, coincidentally, all three networks decide to start showing these shows again on the same day? Obviously more than a coincidence but what in the heck is going on here? Maybe daytime ratings didn't get better as they thought they would so they went back with these shows. Maybe people were clamoring for their shows back so they got them back? Did Susan Lucci need something to do?  They are probably better than many of the reality shows that are on. The thing that makes me wonder the most is why all thee networks (ABC, CBS and NBC) on the the same day? This would be a great time to bring Dark Shadows back from the grave. The popularity of zombies and the supernatural is higher than ever right now and the Johnny Depp movie awhile ago lets people at least know what the show was. 

Yesterday was Mother's Day and we had my parents over for lunch. I barbecued a turkey and made my house-famous  corn-on-the-cob with cilantro. My parents didn't have any idea what cilantro was. It was a nice day I thought. I may have been delusional though. I cleared the table and they were all talking. I finished putting everything away and got the dishes washing and returned to the table. After a little bit my dad turned to my mom and asked, "why are you kicking me?" She just looked at him. I said, "I think she's trying to tell you that she wants to go home." I could see by the look on her face that I was correct. It seemed to me that we were having a great conversation but she doesn't ever want to be away from her house and her many cats. That squealing sound hat you just heard was me throwing the brakes on right here.

I was looking through the television guide yesterday looking for some kind of sporting event to watch while I was cooking and I saw that Mommie Dearest was showing back-to-back for about six or eight hours on IFC. There are probably better movies to honor mothers than showing one of the worst mothers in cinematic history. How about Psycho? Mrs. Bates did a bang-up job too. But seriously, how about Mr. Mom? I know you say Mr. Mom was more about the husband but I thought Teri Garr was a great mom in the film going to work and landing the Schooner Tuna account while fighting off Martin Mull and all. What about A Christmas Story? Mrs. Parker was a great mom in that movie. Dumbo - talk about a great mom ...Mrs. Jumbo was one of the best.. Mrs. Doubtfire - Sally Field had to leave Robin Williams for the good of the children. Toni Colette in Little Miss Sunshine. I could blog on-and-on and I often do. Making that quick list made me realize that many of these strong/good mothers were because of crappy or absent husbands. I knew I could figure a way to be one of the reasons Cha Cha is such a great mom. I have to start working on my great movie fathers list now too because Fathers Day is coming next right?

I have a lot in my many notebooks but I am always torn on what to write about here and what to save to talk about on Dirty Laundry Podcast. I know it isn't terrible to use the same things on both but I don't want to bore people with the same things over and over; I would rather bore you with new things. 

Cha Cha and Splenda are our checking out potential wedding venues. It is great having Splenda home for a week though when she goes back it will be sad again. Even though she is engaged I think it will be at least a year until the wedding, She has one more year of college and I know she wants to graduate before they get married. Brad is still in the early stages of being a Marine so I imagine he wants to make sure he is settled-in pretty well too. He is stationed in North Carolina and she is going to visit him soon also. I have to get a blog/podcast name for him soon too. Since he is a Marine I instantly thought Gomer but that has negative connotations I think even though Gomer Pyle was a great guy he is thought of as a boob and Brad is far from that. Maybe Joker or Cowboy from Full Metal Jacket?

BILLS FOR PILLS 

I have stuff to do before I go to work. This is my Friday so going to work is better than usual today. Have a great rest of your day and tonight and thanks for stopping by. I will probably blog again tomorrow but I have an appointment to get the car serviced and apparently I have a doctor's appointment. They woke me up by calling me to tell me I have to come see them tomorrow. They have no reason to see me other than to milk more money out of me. I have to see them every so often or they will stop letting me get my blood pressure medicine. Bills for Pills (patent/trademark/copyrights pending). They pretend to like us but they would rather have us die of a heart attack if they didn't get our money. I really would go to a back alley (as opposed to a front alley) to buy Metoprolol Tartrate out of a van from a guy in a tench coat  if that sort of thing weren't illegal. Bastards! TTTT (probably)...MITM (out) TA! 

We Are Visionaries!

I don't know if you remember but, awhile back I was contacted by our bank who said that my debit/credit card was on a list of thousands that was at threat due to someone hacking into the computer system of the local market that I do, no exaggeration, 90% of our grocery shopping. They are close which makes it convenient and even though they are a chain they all know us and seem like a local neighborhood store; mainly because they're close to our neighborhood maybe. The bank sent me a new card and all was well. OR WAS IT? Someone posted on Facebook our neighborhood's page that they were recently ripped-off of over $900 charged in Texas in connection with this hacking. So, I decided to go to the bank website and check our account and guess who else charged two times in Texas yesterday? Matt In The Middle that's who. But I was not at Wal-mart #1117 in Plano, Texas recently and what is Midway Valero in McKinney, Texas? Uh oh! I called the bank and the crooks charged $148.21 on my old card yesterday but it came out of my account. Luckily, I checked right away. I called the bank and they prepared a form for me to go in and sign and I will get the $148.21 back. I wonder if I hadn't caught it so quickly the amount would have risen to $900 too? I guess when I activated my new card the old one wasn't automatically deactivated as I thought and maybe just assumed. That would have been helpful information; they may have told me and I glossed-over it too I guess. So, now the old card is deactivated and I will probably check my account every day for awhile. Funny thing is that when I saw the posting of someone losing their $900 yesterday it was after I had stopped at the store this morning on the way home from work after I went to the ATM first and got cash so I didn't have to use my card at this store. Is it the store's fault? Do I need to shop somewhere else? Do I need to stuff all of my cash in the MATTress and not trust the banks? Too bad they didn't have these signs to ignore in the 1930's. When I was talking to the dude at the bank he listed about seven states and three other counties that they are having to deal with this for "thousands and thousands of dollars."

I just watched a new show on The Travel Channel called Monumental Mysteries. I really like the show. This was the premiere episode and the thing that drew me to the show was that John Borowski, who has been on Dirty Laundry Podcast a couple of times, was on the show. I love history and I love mysteries even more so this show is right in my wheel-house. Then, in the premiere episode, you put in a person who I consider a friend? TRIFECTA BABY! I guess we kinda scooped this new show when we had John on our show. He talked about H.H. Holmes, America's first serial killer as he did on our show. You need to get on-board with this so that when Leonardo DiCaprio makes his film on Holmes (reportedly his next film after The Great Gatsby gets done wasting screen time) you can amaze your friends that you knew about this Chicago serial killer way before any of your friends. The podcasts that John were on are still available at the Dirty Laundry Podcast link up there in red and free on iTunes if you are so inclined.

I am so excited. Splenda will be home from school tonight. She will be home for a week. We haven't seen her since we met her in St. Louie, Louie for her 21st birthday. As excited as I am I think Cha Cha is a lot more excited. Maybe she's tired of the testosterone 2:1 ratio? I am sure we will have to have Chipotle and Portillo's while she is home. They don't have either one of these in the south. She is a vegan and these places both have things that she loves. Fortunately we all like these two places.

I have to get some sleep so this one is a wrap. Thanks a lot for being here today. I may blog some time this weekend but I don't think you will miss me if I don't Tonight at work I am not outside so it won't rain. Last night I was outside for about seven hours so, of course, it rained and got cold again. I predict next Thursday will be rainy and cold. Have a great however long it takes me to blog again. Blog ya when I blog ya! TTTNT...MITM (zzzzzzzzzz - out) TA!

Don't Be a Filomena!

because we don't have even the basic parts 

What a great day today so far - NOT! Took Cha Cha to the train this morning (hit it ROZ) so far no problems. Went to the store this is where the problems started. As I pulled up to the store I noticed in the reflection of the window glass that the driver's side headlight was out. No big deal I figured since I was out and could stop and get a new bulb. I thought to myself, "self, why don't you try the Chrysler dealer since Fiat bought Chrysler. I went there and they did not have the bulb but some good of that stop came when I discovered that we still have five free services on the Fiat and we can take it to them right here in town rather than having to continue to drive to Schaumburg. I am happy not to have to go back to those a-holes. The guy in the service department called around for the bulb and could not find one but he cracked me up when he was on the phone calling it a FI-at (and in Hi-Fi). Fiat bought out Chrysler and you are a service department at a Chrysler dealership and you're talking about one of the most driven cars in the world.  So, I went to Wal-Mart, which I hate but I needed a bulb. They did not have it. I went to Advanced Auto Parts - nope. I went to Auto Zone - nope-a-roo. Hey, what about NAPA? They didn't have it but they'll have it after 2:30 this afternoon. I paid for it already - $60 for one tiny little light bulb. Damn Hi-Fiat and your expensive parts. Then I got home and the garage door would not go up. I went through the house and the garage door opener is broken.There is a problem with the track. That is at least three things so if they come in threes I think I am done with it now.

While I was out I stopped by Radio Shack too. I looked at mixing boards so we can begin having multiple microphones on Dirty Laundry Podcast. I think it is very doable. I am excited. With the extra mics we will sound even better as you will be able to hear everyone equally and it will make editing go a lot quicker too.

The Chicago Bulls lost VERY BIG to the Miami Heat last night. That is a story but the bigger part of the story is the search for the really classy lady who decided she was not a very big Joakim Noah fan. I know people are passionate about sports but I have never ever been able to understand this type of behavior. There is a national search to find this woman who thinks the Bulls are number one. I imagine people will want to talk to her on their talk shows and get her on the news. Her and the loudmouth behind her had some pretty nice seats and they appear to be dressed nicely yet I can tell that they are total idiots (as opposed to partial idiots). I hope she has kids that see their mother acting like a moron and she has to try to explain this behavior. Also, when did Shaquille O'neal get a job as an usher at American Airlines Arena for Heat games? That dude is taller than Bulls' center Noah. If I would have been sitting behind her I may have found some nacho cheese to accidentally spill on those white pants of hers. Maybe they are singing and she is snapping her fingers to the beat of the song. That kid in the front row is looking at Noah thinking, "how can you not punch her in the mouth?" And the girl next to Noah by the rail  just got silicone whiplash.

I just read that her name is Filomena Tobia. The Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel found her. She is the widow of former CNBC commentator Seth Tobias who was found dead in their pool. Medical examiners found a lethal (obviously) mix of alcohol, cocaine and Ambien (sleeping pill) in his system. Seth's five brothers accused her of murdering him but the long investigation found no foul play and she got the $25,000,000.00; that explains the good seats. Her daughter says that Filomena says about the incident that "people need to get a life." We have lives but they could never be quite as exciting as yours appears to be.

I have to get some more laundry done; almost everything that fits in the washing machine in the house is clean now. I guarantee rain tonight because it's Thursday. Thursday is my Monday and Monday always has to be gloomy! In about an hour I can head over and pick-up my $60 light bulb. As soon as I get this one swapped out the passenger-side will probably blow. Have a great rest of your Thursday and your Thursnight. I really do appreaciate you and am thankful that you aren't a Filomena. TTTT (probably)...MITM (aus) TA!

Twelve Hours In The Making (and probably still sucks)

Fabio and I went to see Iron Man 3 yesterday. I really liked Iron Man. I liked Iron Man 2 quite a bit less. And now I am not sure if I like Iron Man 3 less than both of the first one or just the first one. I also don't know why I have to out them in order. All of these stupid lists that the media has been doing for years are making me think I have to priorities everything in my life into a list. Maybe it's not the media maybe it's just human nature to prioritize and need to have a best and worst and everything in between has to fall into order? Let me just say Iron Man was really good and the other ones were not as good. The new one seems way too long. Maybe Iron Man 2 is better than Iron Man 3 - too bad they cannot just tie in second.

I saw a report about fortune cookies today. The report was about who, exactly, writes the messages inside the fortune cookies. I say Hallmark but I don't really care. Whoever writes them doesn't know anything about fortunes because they never come true even though most of the time they are just philosophical statements rather than fortunes. I can guarantee Dionne Warwick or Mistress Cleo don't write these "fortunes." This report has to come from some aspiring investigative reporter who watched Iron Man 3. There is a big scene in the film that talks about how fortune cookies are not even Chinese and never were. It does seem like the ancient Chinese were a bit deeper than this. Also, when I think Chinese food I don't think about sweets - ever. I think rice and vegetables and the occasional protein like meat or poultry or fish thrown-in.  Actually, I do like almond cookies; are they Chinese or did we just invent them too and try to pass them off on being Chinese? How about soy sauce is that ours too?

While in the car a few minutes ago (you didn't even know I was gone did you?) I heard that Dennis Rodman is in touch with good friend Kim Jong Un to try to get Korean-American Kenneth Bae freed from 15 years of hard labor for unspecified "hostile acts." Rodman wrote on Twitter (because that is how I would contact a really close friend about such an important issue) "I am calling of the Supreme Leader of North Korea or as I call him 'Kim,' to do me a solid and cut Kenneth Bae loose." I am sure this will work. I am ashamed of our State Department for not thinking of this sooner. It sounds like Bae's crime was probably travelling to North Korea from China to feed orphans as he often did. The movie aficionado and spy novel reader in me says this guy was really a spy that travels this way as a cover for his covert spy missions. Sounds like a Tom Clancy thing to me. Until you get to Rodman then it becomes an episode of The Simpsons. Appearing in the role of Krusty the Clown this week is...

My favorite part of my week is the days I am off (duh) in the very early morning while the rest of the world is asleep. When I say "world" I mean the part right by me because I do get the whole "it's different times in different parts of the world" deal and when it's early here it is late someplace else... I really look forward to this summer when we're up at the lake and The Lost Sock and I are sitting on the pier solving the world's problems as the occasionally fishing boat slowly motors by in the mist and the dude gives us a quick wave. The simple things is life are some of my favorites

Shouldn't the elevator in The Big Bang Theory be fixed by now? Like Sheldon wouldn't have thrown the American Disabilities Act (or whatever it is called) at the management/ownership of their building by now. Continuity error number 1,231.

I took a break from writing this to: finish editing and uploading Dirty Laundry Podcast, work on the other laundry, mow the lawn, have lunch with my best girl, work on the laundry more and now finish writing this (provided that I finish all in one sitting). The hardest thing in all of that was editing the podcast. I was having a lot of problems but it all came down to rebooting everything and then "whammy" everything worked. Why does simply turning off and then turning back on have such a big impact on what is arguably the most influential invention of all time? I said arguably!

I have been writing this blog off-and-on for the past twelve hours so I think I am done. Thanks a lot for stopping in and for listening to the podcast. I have a lot on my plate tomorrow but I will try to blog. Have a great night  and go Bulls and thank goodness the Cardinals won today. TTTT...MITM (out of energy and time) TA!

Hickory Dickory Dock Today's Blog Can...

I am so happy that the Tim Tebow craziness may be at an end. He did make for some funny moments on Saturday Night Live and many other comedy shows but I grew sick of it quickly. He will land somewhere because Forbes magazine calls him one of the most influential athletes of 2013. He was released in April by the New Jersey York Jets where he had thrown only eight passes while there. Now there is a petition that fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars have sent to President Obama to get Tim on their team. I am not really sure that will move ahead of the gun control agenda or the problems in Syria with The President but it has gained some attention by this blog at least. My thought is that he will end up in Canada playing for the Montreal Alouettes. That's what seems to happen to NFL's flash-in-the pan quarterbacks or quarterbacks that wanted to play past their primes like: Doug Flutie, Warren Moon, Joe Theismann, John Hufnagel, Jim Zorn, Erik Kramer, Vince Farragamo... I can name at least 20 more (no exaggeration) but I won't because most of them you have never heard of and it would be perceived as blogibustering. Tebow will probably play somewhere many of us have not heard about and then, when someone in the NFL gets injured, he will be back for a partial one-year contract then go back North when the season ends. Makes sense he would go to a team named for a bird that is the subject of the most annoying song I have ever heard in French - Fre're Jacques that sings about plucking the feathers of a bird for waking someone up with it's singing. In all fairness I have not heard very many songs in French.

Maybe part of the problem with Tebow was that he played in New York. This is one tough city on their sports teams. The Brooklyn Nets, their first year out of New Jersey, make it to the NBA play-offs and take the Chicago Bulls to the last game of the opening round and lost and the next day they fire their coach. Granted he was just hired as an interim coach but made the play-offs in the first year and gone? What about a reach-around one-year contract to see how he does? Is the a Canadian Basketball League he can go to? I think they only have their national basketball team so too bad for P.J. Carlesimo. Maybe he and Tebow can start their own sports show on ESPN that will play at 2AM?

Today is my Friday and we have already recorded 90% of Dirty Laundry Podcast. We have to do the beginning and the end and then I have to edit it but it should be up on Wednesday like usual. This one may have an "explicit" tag because of swearing because if we don't do that there will be a lot of beeps. It's tough to limit the swearing when Andrew Dice Clay is your guest. Okay...Andrew Dice Clay is not our guest but I think that would be tough. I really have a New York theme in today's blog don't I?

Weird...The entire time I have been blogging I have been watching the DVR'd Curb Your Enthusiasms from this week. Even though the show is based in California could you get more New York than Larry David? I was watching the show when I began the blog so maybe I have been subliminally Enthusi-ized. I love this show! I work with a guy that is pretty much exactly like Larry David in this show. It is entertaining from time-to-time in real life but it is A LOT more fun to watch it on television. Is it possible to be "pretty much exactly?" I don't think so. It's either pretty much or exactly but cannot be both.

I have to start figuring-out dinner. I believe it may involve getting dressed and going to the market. I decided to use the word "market" instead of "store" because it seems to be more in the theme of the New York blog. I will probably have to get a loaf of French bread to complete the whole New York and Canada theme. I always request paper bags if I don't take my own so it won't look weird. A loaf of French bread wouldn't look as cool sticking out of a planet-killing plastic bag. Have a great aftenoon and Monnight. Thanks a lot for being here so I feel like being a loafer (sitting and writing) doesn't seem like I am loafing (even Frence loafing). I will blog tomorrow though I am thinking about sneaking away to do some Mother's Day shopping and maybe accidentally seeing Iron Man 3 though I would feel guilty doing that without Fabio I think. Maybe I will shop later in the day then. For ending the blog I sure do blog-on don't I? TTTT..MITM (out) FAGETABOUTIT! TA!

Good Will Weight-Lossing

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned it has been fours days since my last blog. I am not catholic but I have seen a lot of movies and that is how they usually say it in the films. It was anniversary week and it's one of those ones divisible by fives so that makes it a big one. 25 years. I wonder why we make a big deal about everything in multiples of five? Do you suppose it is because we have five fingers on each hand? I have only 4 1/2 toes on one foot but when you get into fractions it's a whole different ballgame though 1/2 isn't too bad.  Do sloths celebrate every three years? Maybe they are too lazy and just count every six or 12 using multiple limbs to count. 

In addition to anniversary week we had to abide by the entertainment creed of "the show must go on" and record the podcast or we would have thrown-out of the podcasting union. I am not really sure what benefits we get from being in the union but our whole society is based on "following" thanks to Mark Zuckerberg. I am also behind on my Words With Friends but I intend to get caught-up on that after I get done with this blog. Weren't computers supposed to make our lives easier? It seems like they just give me a longer to-do list. So, the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up for your listening torture enjoyment. If you download it from iTunes this week you will be able to walk around with an actual autographed photo of Matthew McConaughey on your mobile devise while you listen to the show. We're tight -  both card-carrying members of Matt Club and all. Tomorrow we are going to record the next Dirty Laundry Podcast already. So what, "now we're doing two shows a week" he asked schizophrenically?  "No," he answered "the next show will still be ready Tuesday or Wednesday but since of most the rest of the world doesn't have a Tuesday/Wednesday weekend sometimes you have to record on a traditional weekend to accommodate guests." That's the category this one falls into.  

I spent most of last night outside in the pouring rain. Not to mention, except for the fact that I am now mentioning it, that it was also chilly. Now I have a stuffed-up nose. Can that happen that quickly? My legs ache, my back hurts... It sounds more like age than rain and cold weather now that I blog it down like that. What the heck happened? We had like one nice day in the MIDDLEwest and now the furnace has to start working again. The leaves aren't even fully bloomed yet and they are already turning red and orange thinking it's fall. We get what we get I guess and if we continue to live where we live. If we were smart we would just be homeless in Hawaii or some other tropical place and just fish and climb pineapple and coconut trees for food.

Simple Weight-Loss Calculations 

I am making Chicken Kiev right now for the thin people in the house. It's in the oven right now. I love it but I won't have any. I seriously think that a part of weight-loss that is never revealed, and I really believe this, is the mental aspect. I think something physiological occurs in the brain when one decides to be totally committed to something. I am not saying that cutting down on caloric and fat intake and all of that other stuff isn't a factor as well but I think the brain is in charge of weight-loss more than the stomach and the metabolism... We often hear that we don't know the full-potential of the brain and I believe this is one of the things that "they" are speaking about. I once lost 84 pounds and I have slowly gained back about 30 of that and now I am done. I have lost 10 in the last two weeks and I am going to lose another 35 before I am done. Writing it here is part of convincing the brain or visa-versa. I just wish there wasn't so much math involved. 

I am gonna end now because more work needs to be done in the kitchen. Have a great night and maybe I will blog this weekend but with recording tomorrow and working all weekend I may not have the time. I think I am going to take next Friday off to go out with Cha Cha to see the band that we played on the podcast this week. don't tell her in case it doesn't get approved but I don't know why it wouldn't. Keep that night free and maybe you can hang-out with Cha Cha and The Agitator at Hollywood Casino in Aurora. Dreams can come true. TTTWE (whenever)...MITM (disco'ing out)! TA!