It's a Gullible World After All, It's a Gullible, Gullible World!

I just heard today and tonight's weather forecast and it sounds like I will have a fun night tonight. I will be outside for about 6.5 - 7 hours and it is supposed to be between 15 and 25 below zero with the wind chill. I cannot wait. I am pretty sure it is a long johns night. Where did that name come from? When and why did long thermal underwear get nicknamed long johns? Did the pirate Long John Silver wear them in the Caribbean?  Should women wear long janes? Probably not since "johns" is fine with spell-check and "janes" has that little red squiggle beneath it - you cannot see the red squiggle but I promise you it is there on my end. Right now it is only three below zero here.

What is America more concerned with? People being killed by guns every day or the possible return of Twinkies? Most seem to want Twinkies back more than want guns gone. I think most people know my stance on the guns - I am okay with guns but I am not okay with guns killing people especially children. I am certain that civilians should not have automatic and semi-automatic weapons. I am not certain, however, if we are just hyper-sensitive about the issue now or we are just more aware. The media seem to be covering at least one gun shooting / killing on every broadcast. Maybe that is also because I live in the Chicagoland area and there is a lot of violence there. I do not hear about shootings in Los Angeles and New York but I imagine that the shootings in those very large cities are comparable to our MIDDLEwest mega-city.

Air for sale - SERIOUSLY!

I just saw a report that there is so much toxic smog in China that a man (Chen Guangbiao) is getting richer selling cans of air.  Pictures I see of China look like photos we have here when we have fog (maybe our fog is really gunsmoke). Smog is caused by pollution and fog is merely caused by a large quick change between the air and the ground temperatures. Guangbiao is already a millionaire because Chinese people seem to be as gullible as American people but now he is selling aluminum cans full of air for 80 cents (5 yuan) per can. Once they pop the top of a can of air doesn't the air just escape and the product now joins with the smog before they can "drink" it? If this guy has enough fresh air to fill truck-loads of cans and sell it why doesn't he just pump it into the atmosphere and get rid of the smog? Because, like gun manufacturers in America, he is more concerned with making profits than actually helping people from dying. Where does he get the fresh air? The product comes in three flavors. "Pristine Tibet", "Post-Industrial Taiwan" and "Revolutionary Tan'an." Ironic that China hates Tibet but without them they wouldn't have their air to sell. I heard that this dude also just gave away 5,000 bicycles to encourage people to ride a bike rather than drive. Maybe he is just selling the air to get attention for the problem of the pollution? I know America was smoggy too during the industrial revolution before we got it under control. I even remember problems as a kid in the 1970's. In Beijing the air was at a "dangerous level" for 19 of last 25 days. I have a feeling this guy is doing this to bring attention to the problem - I hope I am right. And, I hope it helps if that is what he is doing.

I have had the morning news on the entire time I have been typing this and I now remember why I don't watch the news. All they show is doom and gloom. I also know why I am a fan of sitcoms - burying my head in the sand to escape I suppose. Most of the doom and gloom they show on the news doesn't even effect me directly. I guess everything effects everyone eventually. I am so happy that my early career of working in news reporting changed. Seriously, why is all of the news bad? I know lots of good people who do very good things. Why do we rarely hear about the good in the world? I know "sex sells" but I think "doom and gloom sells" too. On the Dirty Laundry Podcast about gun control we did three or four weeks ago Cha Cha mentioned that the gun problem in America is because of fear. I know she is right. I never thought of it until she mentioned it on the show but that is exactly what it is. I am saying this tongue and cheek I think but, maybe some of the gun violence is "sponsored" by the gun manufacturers so more people get scared and buy guns to "protect themselves" from the boogeymen. Wouldn't that be a weird twist to this whole deal? I say this is "tongue and cheek" because I am not as paranoid as people who think the government is going to come into my home and kill me. Let's think about this. Would my gun have a chance against Maverick and Goose? If they want me gone I will be gone. I cannot afford any surface to air missiles to protect my family.

Today my 16-year-old newly-licensed son drives to school. All I can do is hope that he listened and the messages got in his noggin. I felt differently when my daughter began driving to school five years ago. Funny how testosterone changes everything. I am a reverse-sexist I think. I have said here many times here that I believe I am more estrogen than testosterone and I am further proving it to myself. I always thought I liked being with women more than men because they smell better and are nicer to look at but I am thinking I am more one of them than I knew. But, I am certainly a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Okay, I am movin' on for today. Which channel shows more crap shows? TLC or A&E? Funny when they both started as artsy-fartsy networks. Crap, like air in a can, sells. See how I drag myself back in? Okay, moving on for real. Have a great day. I appreciate you for letting me relieve some of my stresses so I don't need to get violent. Put down your guns and start a blog and/or a podcast - they do wonders to help relieve stress. TTTT...MITM (out before I start on another rant). TA!

I Think I am a WWF Male Escort (not World Wrestling Federation)

I must be extremely popular as dream material

It seems like such a long time ago since I blogged but it was only yesterday. I think it seems like a long time ago because I was at the dealership for quite a long time and then came home and slept for about three hours and then we recorded Dirty Laundry Podcast then I went to bed again. Thankfully I had yesterday and today off but using one of my days off waiting in a waiting room is not my idea of a good day off.

I think the show is good this week and I am ready to record a new one already. I think we seriously could record a show every day if we didn't have jobs and all. Maybe one day the podcast will be a source of income and that will be possible? The editing takes about three-four hours too so that makes time a bit prohibitive. Someone else could do the editing but I think that is what I like doing maybe even more than recording the show. The editing is where I think I am most creative.

The Big Game is this Sunday. I realize that the NFL, just like everything else it seems like, is all about money but why don't they allow people to use the words Super Bowl? Why does everybody have to call it The Big Game? We know what they're talking about. Major League Baseball allows people to say World Series. I think it is mainly for advertising purposes but if we say Super Bowl on the podcast are we gonna get in trouble? The exposure of being sued by the NFL would be nice but losing the house and living in a box in the MIDDLEwest during the winter may not be worth it. I think it's stupid. Maybe they don't need the free mentions since everyone knows what they are. It doesn't really MATTer I guess because I seem to take more notice of them not mentioning it than if they did. Probably the same reason 7-Up became the un-cola.

Sorry, I took a little break to play some Words With Friends with Christie and MADYM. I play too many games of that and I think it hurts my game. I think when I played fewer games I took my time more and was better. Now I play the maximum number of games at one time and I am like one of those dudes who is surrounded by 20 chess boards with different people sitting at each board and I circle around like the belle of the ball. I have too much fun and it's not about winning so I may just keep playing a lot of games and maybe slow down on the moves. It's more about connecting with friends (that is the third word in the name of the game but it should be the first) than winning. It's not Winning Against Friends.

I have a friend who is trying to find a good home for her Siberian Husky. Let me know if you're interested and I will let her know. She lives in Geneva so it is local. I am going to check around town with people I know since I live in the town of the Northern Illinois University Huskies. There are quite a few huskies in the city. If we didn't already have a dog I may consider it.

I guess Fabio and I are gonna get something to eat. Cha Cha just texted me that she is having too much fun elsewhere. We waited for her and now we should have gone without her in the first place. Now Sarah and Maranda are Words With Friending me. I am having a five-way. Sweet. Have a great night and enjoy the snow in the MIDDLEwest. If you're not in snow country let me know if you want some and I'll mail you a Zip-Lock bag of snow. Thanks a lot for listening to the podcast and for being here. I hope you have a great rest of your night. I will probably blog again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out to eat and then back to continue my Words With Friends Stud Service (patent pending/copyright/trademark)

Sleepy Blog with No Sleep in Sight!

So I drove over an hour in Chicago rush-hour traffic to bring the Fiat to the dealership where we bought it to have some work done. If you listened to Dirty Laundry Podcast a couple of week's ago you heard how we brought it here for regular service and while they were trying to fix a burnt out light bulb they deeply scratched the dashboard. They ordered the part for the light and the new dashboard and called Cha Cha and said the parts are in so I brought it here. When I got here I mentioned that the trunk doesn't open properly now either. When I got here the dude asked, "do you have somebody picking you up?" I responded, "no, I live in Dekalb" with the understanding that it was very far not that we only have one car for the entire village and it would take a long time for a horse and carriage to get here.When you get about 30 minutes East of our town everyone seems to think we are close to the Pacific Ocean or something. He then told me that a dashboard may take most of the day. I made some kind of remark like "it didn't take all day when they scratched it up when we were here last time." So, my guess is that it will not take all day. I am very persuasive when I am perturbed. I have been awake since 14:00 yesterday and now it is 10:00 so I have been up for 20 hours at this point and I get jerkier as I get more tired so who knows what will happen here. I am just happy that they have WiFi so I can vent in blog-form. I have only been here for about 30 minutes so far and I will keep you updated. We record the new podcast tonight so I will probably have something to talk about.

I am really sleepy.

I just got caught up on my Words With Friends so I hope somebody plays me soon so I have something else to do. Greg Weindorf and John Zepeda just made a move and I counter-moved. Thanks guys. I also brought the book I have been reading and, obviously, I brought my computer so I can do some research for today's podcast. I could also sprawl-out right in the MIDDLE of their showroom floor and take a nap. They have some pretty comfy looking Jeeps and Mini-vans I could nap in too.

I read that Jane Kaczmarek will be on Breaking Bad. In case you are unaware she played Lois on Malcolm in the Middle. Lois was married to Hal. Hal was played by Bryan Cranston who is the star of Breaking Bad.  Being a huge television dude (remember I majored in Radio-Television in college so I am pretty-much an expert in television) I love when shows do stuff like this. It is unclear what she will play on the show but I speculate she will have some kind of a fling with her ex-television hubby. I base that simply on what I would do if I were in charge there. Another weird Breaking Bad / radio-television tie-in (as well as a Words With Friends tie-in from the previous paragraph - Bob Odenkirk is on Breaking Bad and he worked with Greg Weindorf and I at WIDB radio in college. The blog always seems to tie stuff together for me. Thank you blog gods!

If I had known I was gonna be here this long I would have worn shorts. I knew it was going to be in the 60's today but I wasn't thinking (like usual). Tomorrow it's supposed to be back in the single digits. Good thing there is no global warming.

Okay I am going to get off of here now. I guess you'll have to listen to the not-recorded podcast tomorrow to find out how The Saga of the Guy Who was Very Sleepy and Took His Car to Get Worked-On "All-Day" Turns out. I am hoping for a happy ending (I am always hoping for that - wink wink) where the hero gets some sleep sometime before his world-famous show goes on the air.

Thanks a lot for helping me pass a little time - I always appreciate you. If you want to send me some Words With Friends moves that would be appreciated. If I don't play you immediately it means that I am driving my car home. TTTT (with the blog and the pod)...MITM (out to sit here with hopes in my heart). TA!

Enchanted Bleach Blog Bingo!

Our washing machine?

Why, if you are a doctor who deals with hoarders, do you have to say that you are a "therapist specializing in obsessive hoarding?" Why do you have to include the word "obsessive?" Isn't that a given that, if you're a hoarder, it is obsessive?

Every time I wash clothes, and that is just about every day of my life, I find money in the washing machine when I am done. Cha Cha has a habit of leaving change in her pockets and it comes out in the wash. Ha, maybe that's where that old saying "it will all come out in the wash" comes from. She has to be one of the few people left on the planet that actually uses cash to buy things anymore. It's debit card all the way for me. I have to get a new card once a year because mine always gets cracked due to excessive use. Checks bounce and debit cards crack I guess. I just did a load of dish towels and low and behold there was a dime in the washing machine when I went to move the towels to the dryer. I am starting to think maybe it wasn't Cha Cha all this time as I had thought. Maybe we have an enchanted washing machine;there should be no change in the towels unless you're David Copperfield. It happens so regularly that we moved the change jug from the counter in the kitchen to the laundry room. I am not sure why it was moved there but it does seem fortuitous. You are not going to believe this but, I swear on my eyes that this is true, I heard a loud clanking from the washing machine right now as I was writing this and went to check. If it were money I thought that it was a gold bar this time based on the loud noise. I opened the dryer and it was not money. This time it was Fabio's metal belt buckle that he left looped in his britches (that's a funnier word than pants) . Damn dryer and your deceiving ways. Now I will have to go to work again. A gold bar would have come in handy.

It's been about three hours since I wrote that last paragraph (man, are you a slow reader) and I just took a small load of whites out of the washer (two shirts, some socks and one towel). Those were the only whites that needed to be washed and I love the smell of chlorine bleach so I bleach the Helser out of the whites. There was a dime and a nickle in the washer when I moved the items to the dryer. Where did the money come from? The towel? The socks? The pocket-less shirts? Did I miss them from the last load? Is the washer really enchanted?

TLC stands for The Learning Channel. I know what we have learned - we Americans are a bunch of idiots. TLC's programming consists of shows like: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Plastic Wives, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant, Starter Wives Confidential, Toddlers & Tiaras, What Not to Wear, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, 19 Kids and Counting... I could keep going but I am tired of searching the program guide for shows I will never watch. TLC should stand of Total Losers Channel or The Lame Channel.

Cha Cha and I watched a funny movie on Netflix yesterday.

The MIDDLEwest is up to her old shenanigans again. Last night I was out all night driving in freezing rain on solid sheets of ice. One time I even got stuck in a parking lot while not being impeded by anything other than the three inches of ice I had unwittingly driven onto. Now, today, it is nearly 50 degrees and the lake in front of our subdivision is actually a lake again and not a giant snow cone. They're saying tomorrow may be nearly 60 and then the following day is gonna be about five! An almost 70 degree drop in one day? Good think global warming isn't real.They just showed a picture of O'Hare International Airport in Chicago and it is a blizzard there. Oh, never mind I have Planes, Trains & Automobiles on while I type this. Man, I loved John Candy.

I have to end now. The dishes aren't going to do themselves. Oh, the movie Cha Cha and I were watching yesterday will be talked about on this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast. The show should be up by Wednesday morning; I will let you know via: the DLP Facebook page, my Facebook page, my Twitter (Matt The Agitator), Cha Cha's Twitter (Cha Cha), this blog, smoke signals, blimp, billboards, skywriting and whatever I can think of. Thank you for sittin' a spell and takin' your shoes off. Y'all come back now, hear? TTTT (most probably)...MITM (wondering why the dishes don't do themselves. I guess they sorta do but they don't get into the dishwasher by themselves and add the soap...) TA!

Spray the Blog Before You Go...

I am not much of a beer drinker but I drink beer now and then. I am more of a margarita, mai tai, bloody mary kinda guy. I like to get my fruits and vegetable while I drink. There is a new beer that I want to try. I am worried that AC/DC may be short on money so I may look for their beer. They should have been smart and put it in a Foster's Lager sized can; capitalize on the Australia deal. There hasn't been an Iron Man movie out for awhile. And, they are now available on iTunes. They must need money so I guess I will drink their beer to help them out. Poor lads. I mean Dirty Laundry Podcast is on iTunes for cryin' out loud. Ours is free though - we are richer than AC/DC I think.

Hey the Screen Actors Guild Awards are coming soon. That's good because I just starting to forget how much they think they're better than we are. That reminds me of how happy that I am that American Idol's ratings are down 19%. I cannot believe it took this long.

I just saw what Facebook friends have birthdays coming up and I was really surprised at what I learned. I found out that I am friends with quite a few people I don't think I have ever met. Several that, even after looking at their profiles and photos, I am still not even sure who they are.

I just searched the television guide on the TV (I bet TV Guide hates that all of the satellite providers made them pretty much obsolete) and saw that Betty's White's Off Their Rockers is coming up at 7PM. I tried to watch that before and Betty White and her geriatric friends are no Ashton Kutchers. The only thing smart about the show is the time slot. It's on Friday night and that's when only old people and losers watch television so you may as well gear your programming to your demographic. The show is terrible. The premise is good because who suspects old people punking you but the pranks and the acting are really bad. Hey wait, if only old people and losers have seen this show... Yeah, but... I can watch crappy things because it's part of my job as a blogger and a world-famous podcaster I watch the crap so you don't have to. You're welcome!


Have you heard of Poo-Pourri? One of their scents is called Deja Poo. Another is called Scent of the Wild. Are you kidding me? Isn't just Glade good enough anymore? Where do they sell it Spencer's Gifts?

Speaking of pieces of crap I heard that they are looking to make the book Fifty Shades of Grey into a movie. Smart to do it right away before the hypnosis wears-off and the women who read it realize what a piece of Poo-Pourri it is.

Wow, speaking of pieces of crap today's blog is done for today. I started one and, as usual, didn't know where I was going with it and I ended up finding what I wasn't looking for. I think that makes sense in my own weird way. The best thing about today's blog are: it is over and, the next one will be better. You should always strive to get better and by setting the bar low you are certain of success! Thanks a lot for dropping in (that was not a poo joke until I said that it was not a poo joke then I guess it becomes a poo joke). Last night at work I spent seven hours outside in the freezing snow so I am looking forward to work tonight. Have a great warm night and I will probably not blog again until Monday so have a super-pooper weekend. TTT?..MITM (ghost) TA!

убедительная история (compelling story)

Three shots, bread and pickles just like Babuska use to make

Hello, my name is Elder Helser and I would like to share with you the most amazing blog! Hit it Roz!

Yesterday was a good day. Cha Cha and I went to Chicago to see The Book of Mormon. I figure we'll talk a lot of it on next week's Dirty Laundry Podcast but I have to tell you that if you get a chance to see the show do not pass up the chance. It was remarkably funny. If you are easily offended you may want to pass but I think you'd still find it funny. I think I learned some things too but I will not know that until I fact-check but I probably won't do that because it's fun believing I learned some things from Matt Stone and Trey Parker. I have actually learned a lot from South Park so I don't know why this is surprising to me.

After the musical (I like to call it a musical because A. that is what it is and, B. I sound so much more cultured seeing a musical than a play) we walked to a restaurant called Russian Tea Time. It was good. The check for the two of us the bill was $180.00 which seems a bit pricey for a Wednesday. There were several drinks involved which added a great deal to that check. How to you go to a Russian establishment that offers "vodka flights" and not drink vodka? Isn't that one of the things they are known for - vodka? It's also fun trying to follow the rules for the shots. Sniffing bread, saying some Russian stuff, taking the shot, eating the pickle and then saying some more Russian words - education worth the bill at half the price. Cha Cha had the beef stroganoff and I had some chicken dish. I did have the borscht too. Things Russia is known for - we were Russian for about an hour or so. They also had some really good Russian rye bread - I love dark rye.

On the walk to the car we passed Garrett's Popcorn and went in to take home some Chicago Mix for Fabio. Chicago Mix, in case you are unfamiliar, is a 50/50 combination of cheese popcorn and carmel corn. The first time I heard of this combination I thought whoever thought of it was mad but they were a mad genius as it turns out. Maybe it was the vodka talking but I tipped the dude who rang us up. I just gave him a buck. I actually tip people who don't normally get tipped, as well as the ones that do, quite often. When we got home we opened the bag from Garrett's and instead of the one medium size bag of Chicago Mix that I had paid for were two medium bags of Chicago Mix. So, for me being nice and giving this young man one dollar he returned the favor and gave me a $6.00 bag of popcorn. Everybody is happy. I could tell he doesn't get tips too often because of the way he lit-up when I gave it to him. Do something nice for someone and maybe karma will hit you back. You have to do it just to do it though - don't expect anything but the feeling that you appreciated someone and maybe helped someone who needs a buck more than you do.

When we got to the show I had dropped Cha Cha at the door of Bank of America Theater and went and parked the car. The parking garage I ended-up finding that had spaces was about six blocks away next to the Union League Club of Chicago where Cha Cha and MADYM and I stayed about a year ago or so when we went to a wedding there. I got pretty inebriated that night (if you heard me interview Telly Savalas' nephew who was the inspiration for George Clooney's character in the film Up in the Air on the podcast back then you remember how hammered I was) and didn't realize how close we were to things. We were right across from Daley Plaza. Literally, right across the street. We even walked the streets of Chicago that night so I could talk to every stranger in town acting like I was running for mayor and I did not see any of this stuff or maybe it was just blurry and I didn't recognize it. It's good I didn't because I may have gone Joliet Jake on Daley Plaza had I realized. Remember the beginning of the story where I said we stayed the night - I did not drive in that condition! I am a responsible, happy drunk. I never understood people who get violent when they get drunk. They say that alcohol magnifies your personality so I suppose me becoming a happier more loving goof makes sense.

Parking for about four hours was $32.00. I see why people take the train if they work in the city; that would sure add-up if you worked five days a week 52-weeks a year. In the long run it may even be cheaper to rent a small apartment in Chicago rather than drive and park.

Wow, very windy blog today. See what you get by spending the day in the windy city for a few hours? All-in-all it was a great date with my best girl. I would not be surprised if we see this musical again and maybe repeat the other steps of the day too. I don't know why I added "all-in-all" because that kind of makes it sound like there were bad parts. I guess forgetting the tickets and having to turn back to get them was kind of a hiccup but when we got toward the city after getting the tickets there was a couple of accidents on "The Congress" (the road we take to the city turns into Congress Street) that if we had been 15 minutes earlier may have been in. Always look on the bright side of life (I guess that is Spamalot). Spamalot was the last musical we saw twice - The Book of Mormon is better in case you need to decide between the two.

I am sorry for the length (not the first time I have said that) but I apparently had a lot on my mind. Thanks for stopping by and thank you for reading and thank you for listening (to the podcast). So, thank you, thank you, thank you. Have a great rest of your day and night and whatever tomorrow I miss telling you to do the same. TTT?...MITM (превосходить  - that's probably Russian for out). TA!

The Blog of Mormon!

It's 01:47 and I thought I'd blog. I have been editing the podcast for the past three hours and it is uploading now. By the time I am done writing this blog you should be able to go to iTunes download the latest load of Dirty Laundry Podcast. Or you could just click that red link there and listen to it on your computer. I usually do both because that's the kind of techy dude I am. Fair warning - I sing again on this week's show but it was from a listener request and I don't like to disappoint people while I am wearing clothing.

Today Cha Cha and I go to see The Book of Mormon in Chicago for her birthday. Her birthday was in August and I got the tickets then for today. We are also having dinner at some place called Russian Tea Time. She found and chose that so the pressure is off on that one. I went on-line and looked at their menu and I think I know what I am going to get already. I may regret the appetizer but how do I go to a Russian restaurant and not get Borscht? I was in Chicago Monday night for the Bulls-Lakers game with Fabio for his 16th birthday and today to Chicago with Cha Cha for The Book of Mormon for her 29th birthday. I am either a really great guy who makes people happy or I am a sneaky guy who takes people to things I want to do and convince them that that's what they want to do. The true answer is that nice things do happen to nice guys sometimes and these are two of those times. I just happen to like doing what my family likes to do. Splenda's 21st birthday is two weeks away and she is down south so I won't get to see her for a little while but when I do we will go do something I she likes to do. I remember when I turned 21 that had something to do with drinking. Hey, I like doing that!

Okay, it's official - the new podcast is up. I am listening now while I write this. Narcissistic much?

I am going to have to get some sleep sooner or later. Let's see, right now is my Saturday night and almost my Sunday night and then tonight will be my Sunday morning and your Thursday morning will be my Sunday night in case you're keeping score at home. That's not right. Okay Tuesday morning is like your Friday night so Tuesday night is like your Saturday morning and Wednesday morning is like your Saturday night and Wednesday night is your Sunday morning and Thursday morning is like your Sunday night and Thursday night is your Monday morning. I have to remember the date of this blog in case I ever need that information - I hate math so I don't want to do that again. Ironic with a name like Matthew that I hate math isn't it?

I am trying to think of the last show/musical I saw and I think it was Spamalot. That was with Nature Girl and Dr. Gazinya (both previous Dirty Laundry Podcast guests). We saw that one in Peoria and it played pretty well. You know what they say about playing in Peoria. The one I saw before that was Spamalot in Chicago with Cha Cha. I have actually seen a lot of plays and musicals now that I start thinking back. I am more cultured than I would have guessed.

I just sent an email to a national podcasting network to try to become part of their team. It's a win-win. We either get huge or we get a rejection letter that we get to read in the next week or two on the show. I would prefer to get rich and famous by doing a weekly  podcast but I will be happy to read the letter when it arrives.

I believe I am going to go to bed now that it's 03:08 and Fabio needs to be woken up at 06:00. I may blog again Thursday morning letting you know how the borscht was and how The Book of Mormon was. I am not guaranteeing a Thursday blog but I promise to try. Have a great your Wednesday and thanks a lot for listening to the podcast and reading the blog and liking them both on Facebook. If you need/want me to listen to or read anything let me know and I will do so. TTTT (perhaps)...MITM (down for a few hours) TA!

Bloggermore!

So yesterday was Edgar Allan Poe's birthday. For the second year in a row I forgot to get to Baltimore with my cognac and roses. I keep getting confused by his headstone. He was born on January 19th but his headstone at his home says October 8th. I will have to try again next year - never say "never more." I am not saying that I am the Poe Toaster but I am not saying that I am not the Poe Toaster. Let's just say the craziness has to die down before the Poe Toaster returns. Why do they care so much who I am he/she is? Maybe he/she just misplaced my  his/her white scarf?

Yesterday I blogged and today I am blogging. What in the heck is going on? That wasn't rhetorical - what is going on? Blogging on most of the world's weekend? I think it may be that today is my Friday for this week because I took a vacation day tomorrow. And, just like the vacation days that I took last month, I do not lose a vacation day because it falls on a holiday. I love working for the state so we get so many paid holidays. We work every day of the year because that's what it's like in the life saving / preservation business but if we work the day of a holiday we get paid the holiday pay plus the hours we work that day. In this case I get paid for only the holiday hours and don't lose the vacation hours. That may be repeating the same thing twice but it deserves repeating.

Fabio finally decided where he want to have dinner on his 16th birthday this week. Ed Debevics? No. Morton's Steakhouse? No. Ditka's? No. Buffalo Wild Wings? Yes. It's his decision and I guess I should be happy I don't have to leave town and it will probably save me at least $150 by not going to one of those other places. Now I have to decide between the fish tacos (what guy doesn't enjoy a good fish taco now and then?) or Buffalitos.

Fabio had thought about wearing his Kobe Bryant jersey to tomorrow night's Bull-Lakers game. His favorite team is the Bulls but he has an authentic Kobe jersey. I had to advise against it as there are certain places you will have a better time if you don't wear the away teams garb - The United Center (Bulls and Blackhawks both) is one of those places. He is a person, unlike his father, that doesn't like attention and this would give him LOTS of attention. He decided to wear one of his many Joakim Noah Bulls shirts/jerseys. Good choice young man. I usually get a lot of attention at Cubs - Cardinals games at Wrigley Field because I always wear my Cardinals gear but I don't mind being called names and having stuff thrown at me. I just start mentioning 1908 and they usually shut-up. For a little while anyway.

Boy, they sure are talking a lot about Die Hard 3 on the 49'ers - Falcons game. I am guessing Fox has something to do with the film. I am sure movies make enough to buy such expensive advertising. Do films get a cut on the popcorn and soda and Jujubees and Raisinettes? I noticed the last time we went to the movies that there were Hobbit cups and Skyfall popcorn bags. What are they hoping? That some moron who writes a blog and does a podcast may talk about them? Nobody is stupid enough to fall victim to that you morons!

Thinking about holidays makes me wonder? Who decided that things like Martin Luther King's birthday always be celebrated on a Monday? I think his birthday was last Tuesday. Why didn't we celebrate it last Monday? Why didn't we celebrate it on the day of his date of birth? How come Jesus is so special? (step back in case of lighting) Why does Christmas get celebrated on his birthday? Wait, that may be a scam decided by someone else too. There has been talk lately that Jesus may have been born in September. Were they just trying to spread the holidays out throughout the year? Isn't September Labor Day or Memorial Day or something? I think we need to reevaluate the holidays. I want to put together a committee to realign the holidays. I am sure they space them out because of government and businesses or something but who gets to decide those things for us?

Food just magically appeared at our front door so I am gonna go eat whatever arrived. Have a great day / night. Thank you for stopping in. I probably won't blog tomorrow because it is gonna be a busy one. Who knows though I may surprise us. If you haven't heard the Dirty Laundry Podcast yet please check it out - you could have been listening to it the entire time you read this blog if some moron would have mentioned it at the beginning of the blog. TTTT or T or W...MITM (from downtown) TA!

I Come from Alabama with a Blogo on My Knee

Parts of Alabama and Mississippi were devastated by so much snow that many people had to sleep in their cars on the freeway all night because of the horrific event. Parts of Alabama had as many as four inches of snow and they had 2 - 4 inches in parts of Mississippi. FOUR INCHES? A couple of years ago we had like five feet over night and we still went to work the next morning. Maybe if they didn't try to drive with banjos on their knees they could drive in snow. Seriously, the state almost closed down because of four inches of snow? No wonder they didn't win the Civil War. All we had to do was let the war advance a little North and then in the night when they were all stuck trying to figure out how to march in snow we tied them up. There's no way the "south will rise again" unless they can get the whole rise done in Spring and Summer. In their defense I remember in college (I went to Southern Illinois University which is more Kentucky than Illinois - and very close to Kentucky) we had about four inches and they closed school for the day. The students were mostly from the Chicago-area so we were driving around in the snow all day long happy to have a day off while the rest of the town huddled by their televisions watching the devastating snow storm on their televisions.

It is kinda rare that I blog on a Saturday but with Martin Luther King Junior's birthday Monday I may have a harder time blogging then. I took off work Monday and I don't even lose a vacation day; I just don't get the double time. It's basically the same but it's nice to get paid to be off and keep a vacation day. I pretty much take my vacation days one and two at a time here-and-there for the most part. The last time I took them in a weekly row was when my buddy Randy and I went to Texas for the Rangers and Astros games. The way vacation days work at my job is that we accrue them as we work; it's not like it's a new year you get X amount of weeks. It's sort of like we have a bank and we deposit the hours into the account every payday and we "withdraw" them as we want to use them. The family and I need to take a "real" vacation again soon though.

Also Happy birthday to my good friend Edgar Allan Poe and thank you to my good buddy John for reminding me that today is Poe's birthday! But look on my Facebook page of me dead on his grave and it has a different date? Curiouser and curiouser.

I heard someone making one of the dumbest comments ever said by someone other than me (I have a top hundred list of my stupid comments). Someone asked, "what do you think Martin Luther King would say about them trying to take away our gun rights if he were here today?" I am pretty sure he would be happy to say anything if he hadn't been shot by that gun! I am still not talking about the whole gun thing. I have discovered it is a waste of time on both sides. All it does is get people fired-up. Nobody on either side is going to say, "oh, I never thought of that - you totally changed my mind."

So this week I will get a three-day weekend consisting of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday is the Bulls game, Tuesday is Fabio's birthday which means dinner out if he ever decides where he wants to go (I cannot believe he is saying no to Morton's Steakhouse and Red Robin so far). I cannot believe I wrote Red Robin without typing "yum" though I did say it in my blockhead. We also have to record a Dirty Laundry Podcast in there somewhere. We will probably record it Tuesday during the day while Fabio is in school (that is if he is able to get out of bed after a night at the United Center) because Cha Cha took the day off. Then I can maybe edit it right after we record it and get it uploaded on Tuesday. I usually wait to edit the show for about twelve hours or so so I may listen to it with different ears but I am not sure if that is necessary.

Cha Cha is going to start making homemade bread from now on. Trying to get rid of all the sugars in processed foods. I am all for homemade bread. The house will start making me hungry. Speaking of that the breast are ready! Off to get some chicken. Have a great Saturday night and maybe Sunday and Monday but if I were a betting Matt I would guess that I will blog again before Tuesday. Thanks for hanging out for a few - you might as well leave it out now. TTTSunMon or Tues...MITM (ghost) TA!

Education By Accident

I may be getting sounding old but when did turn signals become an option on vehicles? I don't care what you do when it doesn't impact someone else but when someone else is waiting to see if you are turning before they go and you are so rude that you cannot push down a little handle to the left of your steering wheel I go all Hannibal Lector. Not the killing and eating you Hannibal but the one who abhors rudeness.

Pauline Esther Friedman died yesterday (Abigail Van Buren - where the heck did that name come from?). How come Ann Landers (not sure what her real name was) died 11 years ago? So much for identical twins. I know that Ann was born 17 minutes before Pauline (Abby) but that 17 minutes cost Ann 11 years.

I didn't even know I had a channel called World Harvest Television (WHT) until yesterday. I saw that The Roy Rogers Show was on so stopped in to check it out. Then, after The Roy Rogers Show was over, there was a voice (with the words also printed on the screen) that said "the following  program is an educational informational program designed to reach children 16 and under." Guess what came on next? It was The Lone Ranger. That is an educational show now? I smell a scam to get funding for calling The Lone Ranger an educational show. I suppose all television shows are educational in one way or another. If you think about it we have learned something from every show we have ever watched. We may have learned that the show stunk or that we just wasted a half-hour of our lives or something along those lines but we did learn something didn't we? I am not talking about The Roy Rogers Show or The Lone Ranger because those shows did not stink. Now it makes sense that The Walt Disney Company made the upcoming movie The Lone Ranger; Disney is about kids and kids need educations and The Lone Ranger, as it turns out, is educational. It all makes sense now. Imagine how educational The Cisco Kid must have been. Man we learned a lot on Sunday mornings back in the 1970's and we didn't even know it (even though these shows were from the 60's I think).

No wonder I am so smart

Fabio turns 16 in four days. And then Splenda turns 21 exactly two weeks after that. I may have mentioned it here before but their birthdays being exactly two weeks apart. Not that interesting until you you know that our wedding anniversary is April 30th - just about nine month before this time on the calendar. When the end of April / beginning of May comes a knockin'...

Speaking of Fabio's birthday he and I are going to the Lakers-Bulls game next week. He's really excited. The last Bulls game we went to was the play-offs two years ago and we had standing room only seats; I was amazed I got play-off tickets at all. We did manage to find a couple of seats in the very last row way up top. Cha Cha doesn't want to go and that is good because it only cost me one and arm this way and if I had to decide how to pay for the third ticket I am not sure if I would give up the other arm or the other leg. Maybe the other leg to the knee and the other arm to the elbow so I wouldn't look so weird.

I need to end now because I have to go get Fabio from the trainer. My work-out twice a week is trying to get him moving to get there. Thanks for hanging your hat here for a bit. I am not sure when I will blog again; maybe Monday or maybe before. In the meantime if you need a MIDDLE-fix check out the podcast - Dirty Laundry Podcast, TTT?...MITM (out)

Hit it Roz!

Appetizers Are Killing Our Planet

Who in the heck "invented" appetizers? What a scam. If you're sitting down to eat you probably have an appetite. Even if you don't why would you have to eat something to decide it's time to eat? Was it some restaurant who wanted to "up-sell" and get more money from you? Was it someone who had a big dinner cooking and wanted to make the guests something because of their poor planning in not having the meal ready on time? How many times have you ordered an appetizer and then had to take part of your meal home in a Styrofoam container or a box? Appetizers are killing our planet with leftover containers. Even when we order huge pizzas now they want us to get jalapeno bites or cheese nuggets or bread-sticks... No wonder we are a country full of fat people with no money. I can use those terms without being prejudice because I am one of them. Maybe guns and Lance Armstrong aren't the real problem?

I am tired of getting Twitter "followers" who are either trying to sell me things or peddling their vaginas or penises. I get all excited that I get new followers but then I look at their profiles and see an ad for "job opportunities" or photos of "themselves" half or fully nude and telling me what they want me to do to them or what they want to do to/for me. I immediately block them and report them as spam but I am sure that is a waste of time. Why am I surprised that this has become what it is? All social media is pretty much a watering hole full of wildebeest waiting for the pride of lions to show up and devour us. I am a wildebeest that is tired of it and it's time for we, the wildebeests, to be the hunters!

I am in some sort of a mood aren't I? So far I have hated on appetizers, restaurants, Styrofoam, litter, Twitter, lions, opportunists, whores, salespeople, jalapeno bites, cheese nuggets, Lance Armstrong, guns... Maybe I need to change gears though I am feeling better getting that off my fingers.


Speaking of fingers - if we weren't meant to pick our noses and our ears why are our fingers the perfect circumference to do just that? FYI - I just thought about that while scratching the inside of my right ear not my nostril.

After Jodie Foster's Golden Globes Awards speech everybody is talking about her insinuating that she is gay. Seriously? I thought that has been general knowledge for the past twenty years or so. Am I wrong? Didn't we all know that? The Lance Armstrong thing too. Some people seem surprised that he was 'roiding it up. Maybe I am just hyper-perceptive or something.

How come the Christian Mingle date site has pop-up adds with large-breasted women in bikinis? I realize Christians come on all sizes and packages but... I guess it is a dating site and I imagine guys aren't looking for a Bible study partner.

Have you heard about Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o's story? He played in the his final college football games of the season after his grandmother and girlfriend died within hours of one another back in September. It seemed to be a story of a guy pushing through his pain because his teammates and the school were counting on him and he had promised his girlfriend that he would play no matter what happened to her. How does that promise even come up between two healthy college students? He was a candidate for the Heisman Trophy and played in the college football National Championship. Now it sounds like "he met the girl on-line" and the inspirational, heartbreaking story was a hoax (at least part of it). Supposedly he met the girl in California after a game against Stanford. I am not going to go through the entire story. Here is a link if you want to read the timeline because it is interesting now in hindsight and was when it seemed inspirational too. Now, it seems, the girlfriend never existed. Did he make her up to make an inspirational fake story to gain recognition and become a hero to raise his story for The Heisman and maybe for an NFL job? Was he hoaxed by someone on-line? I have my opinion and I think he premeditated and faked the whole story of the girlfriend. It sure is a twisted story and someone made-up the girlfriend whether he was scammed on-line or he scammed the entire nation.

Make sure you listen to Dirty Laundry Podcast is you haven't already. Have a great Thursday and remember your weekend is almost here (at least some of you). Thank you for reading the blog (if you do exist) and for listening to the podcast. If you had to choose one I would pick the podcast; you can do that while you're driving or whatever it is that you do. With iTunes everything is possible. TTTT (79%)... MITM (out to invent a girlfriend to get some internet sympathy - allegedly). TA!

Red Badge of Blogging

The Agitator and Big Jay

I am writing much earlier than usual and I am unprepared. I am also writing the blog on my iPod. I do not know why you need to know that but I am a blogger with full disclosure. Right now it is 1:29 AM though I will not post this until after about 6 AM.

This week's Dirty Laundry Podcast has kept me pretty busy this week. Who had any idea talking about guns in America was such a hot controversial topic? We are gonna try to stick to our usual comedy/infotainment kind of podcasts for the most part. Though this one is getting a lot of responses. We are gonna have to hire a couple of interns to handle our mail and be fact-checkers soon if it keeps up this way. I am listening to the show again while I write this.

(those previous two paragraphs were written last Thursday and I haven't had the opportunity to complete my thoughts since then but for full disclosure I felt I had to keep those paragraphs in here)

Now there is even another new Dirty Laundry Podcast complete. If you wait for this blog to tell you the podcast is done I apologize but now you have two to listen to.The new one is much more fun but the gun show was interesting I think. We learned a lot about ourselves and the show by doing it and I cannot say that we aren't going to deal with such hot topics in the future but one of our main purposes to do the show, besides us loving to do the show, was to help people escape their every day stresses and escape for a bit. It also helps us vent in a humorous way.

I just read that President Obama "unveils sweeping new gun control proposals." It's a lot easier to be President when you don't have to make everybody happy so you can get reelected in four years. I knew him being President for a second term (anybody in their second term) would make it possible do things for the betterment of the country without such a political agenda. Something needs to be done and now all the real fighting can begin so there may possibly be an end to the madness. I don't care one way another about guns but it pains me that people cannot live their lives without fear of being shot. If I wanted to have lived in the old west I would have been born earlier. I waited until things were cool like the 1960's. I imagine times aren't much different than they were then for the most part but we just know everybody else's business now with the 24-hour news cycle.

Some of the things President Obama is calling for in his proposal are: criminal background checks on all gun sales including private sales, the banning of military-type assault weapons, making penalties for gun trafficking more strict and limiting ammunition magazines to ten (which still seems excessive to me). I fear some kinds of uprising and minor revolts but that's what some people don't do when they don't get things their way; I have been guilty of that a few times in my day. Now I just blog or podcast about it and pout for awhile and then I realize how ridiculous I am. I hope this doesn't result in more violence but I fear that it may. I am wrong more than I am right so let's hope this is one of those times. It's funny that when I started writing this today The Andy Griffith Show was on (sheriff without a gun) and now I am watching Little House on the Prairie. I don't know why it is funny to me but these were simpler times. And, Andy Taylor and Charles Ingalls were able to do hard jobs and live in tough times without guns and violence for the most part. Now we have things so many ways easier but we feel we have to shoot each other.

For a person who says he isn't very political I sure do have a lot of opinions on political issues. I think of politics more as fighting than anything else and I don't like to fight. I am a blogger and a podcaster and a lover not a fighter. I feel like I am a sheriff without a gun a lot of times; trying to keep the peace without violence. Thanks a lot for stopping by to read the blog and for listening to the podcast; it does my heart good to think that maybe I can help people escape for awhile or know somebody else is just as confused as they are or even if it gives you a face to throw darts. Have a great night. It's Sunday morning right now for me. Less than a week until we have a new sixteen-year-old in the house and about two weeks before I am the father of a twenty-one-year old. Wow, where does the time go? TTTT (most likely)... MITM (out) P.S. I think I may be getting sick (arrrggghhhh)

Que Seblog Seblog!

They already do. Please!

I know at one time a lot of people read this blog but I am not sure if that is the case anymore. It doesn't really MATTer whether people read the blog or not I suppose. I really write it mainly to write and I know since I have began writing this almost 800 blogs ago I have become a better person for many reasons and I know the blog helping me vent in my smart-ass manner is a huge part of that. That's also why there are so many errors and typos in the blog; I seldom even edit it... I write it and post it. Que Seblog Seblog! By writing the blog and doing Dirty Laundry Podcast I am not looking to support myself and my family financially that way but if the opportunity were to present itself it would be great to have ones job be something they love.

With that being said I have decided that the top candidate to replace Cha Cha should anything ever happen to her or between us is Dee Dee Meyers. Don't get your hopes up Dee Dee because Cha Cha and I are solid. Now, if anything suspicious ever happens to Cha Cha, Meyers will be a prime suspect along with me, of course, because the spouse is always a suspect. Part of the rekindled love for Meyers might be due to me re-watching The West Wing on Netflix (man, I love that show). If Dee Dee is busy I think John Amos or Rob Lowe may be my second choices though I find estrogen extremely important (wait, that's what I provide I think).

I know that automatic and semiautomatic weapons are very, very wrong. Listening back to our newest podcast, discussing guns in America, really made me think even more. I played the good host on the show not saying much and letting the people who know more about their points than I do talk. Also, doing the podcast for 95 weeks now, I know that when multiple people talk at the same time it is difficult to hear anyone. Doing the show editing has taught me that more than anything. I really know that my heart has always right on this issue after listening to the show. I usually follow my heart and the brain almost always follows. I had always liked Scarecrow but maybe that's because I knew I always had a heart unlike the Tin Woodsman who had to be told. The brain I wasn't always so sure about and still question that from time-to-time.

The part of the podcast that really made me know that I was right is when Cha Cha talked about how the people with the guns seem to be scared. I never really thought about that but I think she is 100% correct. I have started to examine in my Scarecrow all of the cases of these gun atrocities and she is correct. And now, when we (the royal "we") are trying to regulate what kinds of guns they can have and such they are afraid even more. I guess understanding is the first step in trying to deal with anything and now that I feel I know what the root of their love of weaponry is I can talk to people more now with a different understanding whether it is correct or not. The funny thing is that people who are afraid will never admit they are afraid; most times not even to themselves. 

If I only had a blog (and a podcast)

It is weird how I start to write and I just praddle-on. It's all just blog-storming. Scarecrow-storming maybe?

I like Google a lot better than any other search engine. I just rediscovered that!

Have a great rest of your day. Today is my Monday so I probably won't have the same joy about today as you do as you are probably approaching your weekend. Thanks for reading the blog if you do but if you don't you don't know what you're missing or even that I just told you that you don't know what you're missing. If you have a paying job available where I can blog and/or podcast and I have 100% creative control give me a call. I won't be waiting by the phone. Thanks again and know that I appreciate you mucho. TTTT (maybe)...MITM (out with an open Tin Woodsman and a full Scarecrow). TA!

Mattsadumbass Predicts!

MSN is reporting that John Mayer and Katy Perry are "getting serious." Okay, so they will get married and be divorced in seven months. Mattstradamus has spoken. Maybe more like Mattsadumbass! How long were Perry and Russell Brand married? Didn't Perry and Mayer date before too?

I just found one of my favorite books. I did not know it even existed until last night. It's called Melanie's Marvelous Measles. It talks to children about the benefit of having measles and vaccinations. Good luck convincing a child that it is good to be sick. It's good to miss school but that's what the thermometer on the light bulb is for. And, from experience, if you leave it on the light bulb too long and it bursts. Just drop it and say that it broke when it fell out of your mouth. That's the book I should write; ways to get to stay home from school "legally."

Last night we recorded the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. We had Michael Grossman, owner of Urban Tanks and NRA member, on the show. Our good buddy and frequent guest Jay Cole was on the show too. We talked mainly about gun control but apparently hammer control should have been the real discussion. You'll have to listen. In case you didn't know it's also available free on iTunes. There are a couple of imitators so make sure you get the correct Dirty Laundry Podcast.

Someone found an 1865 baseball card of the Brooklyn Atlantics in a photo album while looking for antiques at a yard sale. Now the card is up for auction. It sounds like it may go for around $100,000. This is an amateur team with no famous players that I know of so why is it worth that much? That's crazy. I should start going through the boxes and boxes of baseball cards I have one of these day. I have one of Cha Cha in an Oakland Athletics uniform from Boardwalk and Baseball from maybe 1989 - 1990. It is the only known baseball card of Cha Cha so that should be worth at least $100,000 right?

While I am talking about baseball the committee who votes on the National Baseball Hall of Fame voted nobody into the HOF. Some of the steroid dudes were on the ballot: Roger Clemens (allegedly) now I guess, Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa as well as many players that were not on 'roids.

Did you hear that Hasbro is "retiring" one of the game pieces from Monopoly? I always thought the iron was stupid. Thimble? Maybe with the gun control issue they'll get rid of the cannon or the battleship. The dog seems safe and a shoe and a wheelbarrow are harmless. I have always loved the top hat so I am gonna campaign that the top hat stays. They are letting us decide by voting on the Monopoly Facebook page. I just went to the page and, along with voting for the one to "go to jail," I got to vote for the one to become the new piece. I voted for the top hat to "get out of jail" and for the helicopter to "pass go."  Don't tell anybody but I voted three times. Help save the top hat! It's all about class and what is Monopoly without a top hat?

I have to take Fabio to the trainer so I have to get my crabby butt out of here. Thanks for listening to the podcast and for stopping by to read the blog. Have a great night and do something nice for yourself (besides voting for the top hat). TTTT...MITH (out)!

Considering Confession - I am From Neptune

Stipe with hair!

In case you're keeping score I think I have a sinus headache or maybe a tumor. I haven't checked the line in Vegas but if you want some inside info before betting - the smart money is on the sinuses.

Saturday was Michael Stipe's birthday. In honor of the R.E.M. lead singer Paste Magazine tweeted "Happy Birthday, Michael Stipe! Here are the 20 best R.E.M. songs." I asked them "what is number 21?" The top ten lists drive me crazy enough but now we're gonna have top twenty lists? Where is it gonna end? I did not read the list but I bet my list and theirs' is not the same. If we were all the same there would only need to be one movie and one song. It sure is pretentious to tell me what the top anything is. Maybe it should be "the top 20 as far as we're concerned."

Words With Friends is adding a todo list to my life. I have this huge list of people waiting for me to play because our schedules are different. There needs to be a book of Words With Friends etiquette. Usually, when I win a game, I don't start a new game with that person. I will let them start the next game if they want to replay me. But they may be waiting for me and think I don't find them a worthy opponent? If someone sends me a request to play and I decline will they be sad? I need to get that book written before this craze dies in about three months but I don't have time with all of the Words With Friends games I have to get caught up on. There are some people that I really like to play with because it sort of keeps me in touch with them in a weird sad sorta way but some people I barely know and I have three games going with them. I bet the people back in The Great Depression or people living in third-world countries struggling to survive another day would love to have problems like this.

Twitter is another weird phenomenon to me. People like certain celebs and places and things and then we listen to what they have to say. Then, if they say something they like they retweet you and you feel important. Hey, follow me on Twitter - Matt The Agitator. I am not really sure why but it seems like all the cool kids are doing it! And some of the other ones, like me, too.

It slows people down and cuts down on paperwork. (Cortland, IL)

Remember that week I talked about that Muffin Top infomercial? It is a product to hide gunts. The problem with a muffin top is that a muffin is usually topped with frosting. I guess that really makes that a cupcake but what is a muffin but a snooty sweet muffin? "If I have to wear a Muffin Top girdle why do you want me to think about frosting" I thought. So I get fatter and have to buy more of your products. Sneaky bastards!

Last Wednesday I blogged about Aurora, Illinois' second largest city, not having any homicides for 2012; the first year with zero homicides for over 60 years. I put that photo up showing why the crime rate may have been down.

I cannot believe there is a penalty in the NFL for taunting. The game is brutal but there is a problem with saying "na na na na na you are a poopy pants!" That just cracks me up. It's the entire opposite of Sticks and Stones. That Sticks and Stones comment was Cha Cha's!

I have talked about how bad Les Miserables is on here and on Dirty Laundry Podcast but I cannot get Sasha Baron Cohen's version of Master of the House out of my head. I even downloaded in from iTunes and it's on my iPod.

Mattster of the blog, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir...

Lance considering!

I heard that super cyclist Lance Armstrong "is considering making a doping confession." He used performance enhancing drugs (barely allegedly) and has had all of his cycling titles stripped from him. Does he even need to confess if he is "thinking of confessing?" Thinking about confessing is pretty much confirmation that he used the drugs I think. Maybe not. I guess I could say that I am going to confess that I am from Neptune but until I do I suppose it's just conjecture or me trying to get myself in the news. Unless it is true what purpose does it serve?

I will let you go as I have prattled on today. Tomorrow we will record the gun control talk for Dirty Laundry Podcast but I should still be able to blog tomorrow. After all, this is my Friday and the weekend always makes us able to do things that we normally couldn't do. Have a great rest of your day and thanks, as always, for hanging your hat for awhile; we really should wear hats more. TTTT...MITM (out)

I have been paying the credit card bills from the Christmas purchases. I know times are tough for a lot of people in a lot of the world and it makes me happy that we are doing well for now. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who is also bummed-out at the same time knowing that there are millions of people in the world who are suffering. Sometimes I wish I could be a total selfish a-hole like the people I used to work for but the it makes me happy, too, that karma seems to be catching up with them too. I have to believe that the universe evens things out in time. Up becomes down and down becomes up. That's why being in THE MIDDLE is the best place to be - nowhere to flip us so we stay where we are; home field advantage!

When I paid the Discover bill it asked if I wanted to sign-up for the "5% cash back" for movies and restaurants from now until March. Why do I have to sign-up for this stuff? You would think they would just make it automatic. I know there is a reason for them making me sign-up. Is it to get people to go onto their accounts and they know that the people who sign-up know about the promotion? If you feel like you "join" does it psychologically make you want to "use" your membership? I know why they have the programs; to convince me to use my Discover card rather than my debit card or use cash or use another credit card. I use it and pay it off every month but they are like "the house" in Las Vegas or Atlantic City... they know if we play long enough the odds are in the favor of the house and they will get their money back with interest. That's why they just raised our credit limit by another $1000; to make sure the house wins in the end. I have been playing this game a long time now and I am their worst nightmare; a player who knows the odds and how the house is trying to take his money. Even worse, a blogger who spreads the word. Even though I know now I figure the house is still ahead from the days that I was learning.

Old Yeller with a deer

While I write this I am watching The Yearling on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). I remember reading the book as a yute. I don't know what is about my movie selections lately. Les Miserables, Of Mine and Men, The Yearling, Lincoln... Maybe seeing all of the strife in the world in the past is making me feel better about my life. I am pretty sure it is destiny for me to see Django Unchained. Even filmmaker Michael Moore told me I need to see it this weekend. This is the dude who made Bowling for Columbine. The guy who went to Charlton Heston's house, the President of the NRA at the time, and confronted him about guns. I thought that was a little rude but ballsy for sure.

Dirty Laundry Podcast has moved up to number 37 in the comedy category. Just 36 more comedy podcasts to crush! Considering we entered the category at #131 one week ago today I am pretty pleased. Maybe out NRA discussion this coming week with put us over the top. Nothing is more comedic than discussing guns in America! Not a funny topic but we always manage to turn things in that direction.

Gregory Peck just said, "here comes the sun" in the movie (The Yearling) If you're a MIDDLER like me can you ever hear that without thinking or saying "doot en do do?" The sun coming up seems to be the only good thing that happens to this family. But they are happy and that is all that MATTers!

I want to see Hyde Park on the Hudson. Love me some Bill Murray playing Franklin Delano Roosevelt. It look really good,

Guilty as charged!

I just ran to the bank to mail a letter for Cha Cha. Yes, the bank. Most of my letters are electronic these days. While I was in there the lady at the post office desk was reading The Secret. I told her that it is a good book and she agreed saying she had read it before but "needed" to read it again. Our discussion made me decide that I need to read it again too. I may also rewatch the movie on Netflix.

Ricky Gervais just called me a twonk. I had to look it up and it means "a stupid person." I guess he knows me well enough.

I have to get some vittles rustled up and get Fabio to the trainer. Have a great night and a good tomorrow (sounds like an 1960's news program sign-off). I doubt that I will be able to blog tomorrow; I have a lot on my plate. You never know though. Thank you, as always for reading the blog and for listening to the podcast. TTTas soon as I can...MITM (out) TA!

Blogosia Bazinga!

Bill it and we will come!

I have listened to the new podcast and I just learned that, even though I sounded excited about the concert Cha Cha and I are going to in February, I am much more excited now that I learned we are seeing somebody entirely different. We are going to see Kathleen Madigan. Maybe we could have met Ed Harris the other way? I didn't even hear myself say what Cha Cha is saying I said when I listened to the podcast a couple of times. Cha Cha texted me saying that I am "such a dork." I said she is such a dork for not correcting me and the she told me that she doesn't listen to me. That's the secret to being married for 25 years - ignore The Agitator! I wonder how an Illinois States Attorney Lisa Madigan concert would be.

I just took Fabio to his trainer and noticed that there are quite a few more people at the gym that were there a couple of weeks ago. I bet the enrollment at Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers is up too. I have been trying to examine what the big deal about New Years is and that's the only thing I can think of. We have an arbitrary date when we can convince ourselves that we will do this and do that and then we will begin and fail in about two months tops. I made a resolution five years ago not to make any more resolutions and that is the only one that I have ever stuck to. I don't make any more resolutions. I don't feel like a failure or a quitter. In fact, now that I type that, I feel like a winner and a guy who can actually follow-through on my promise to myself. I should be a motivational resolutioner or motivational resolutionary or something.

Another Top Ten List?

Boy, Ron Howard, Michael Moore and Roger Ebert have a lot to tweet about today. It's funny how people tweet in spurts.

It's back to work after my "weekend." I like my job so I don't mind going to work. This is the first job that I have had pretty much since college that I haven't been a boss in one form or another. It's nice to have to worry about only me. It's also the closest job to my home that I have ever had. The money isn't close to the most money I have ever made at a job but that is overrated I have come to learn. You hear people say it but you don't really believe until you see first hand. It wouldn't be so great if Cha Cha didn't make good money so maybe it is not the same in my situation.

Did you hear that they have found a new species of bee in Brazil? The biologist who discovered the new orchid bee, Andre Nemesio, has named the bee Euglossa Bazinga. The name comes from the phrase Sheldon Cooper, a character on The Big Bang Theory, says when he fools someone - Bazinga! We watch the show and I like it a lot except for the constant laugh track. I am smart enough to know when to laugh on my own without having to be told when to laugh. I use the laugh sounds on the podcast but that's because my humor is so lame people may not know when to laugh. I have to believe that The Big Bang Theory is a favorite show of all types of scientists and nerds who have time to watch television. I can't wait until there is a Matt In The Middle maggot or a Dirty Laundry Podcast petunia.

I have to wrap this up. I have to figure out something for dinner and watch The Big Bang Theory ironically. Have a great night and I will try to blog again tomorrow. I feel like I am getting sick so no promises. If I am not sleeping I will be blogging. If not, this may be my last blog ever - BAZINGA! TTTT (probably)...MITM (resoluting out!) TA!

Happy 2012 + 2

2013 is here! Some people are saying it's going great so far and some are saying not so great. Life has its ups and downs and they don't always happen the same way to each of us at the same time. It would be nice if we were all happy and doing well at the same time but it would really suck when we were all having bad days and hard times.

So far I have been off work the entire year except for the first six hours of the year (Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my Saturdays and Sundays). I go back to work tomorrow. I just read about my friend Judii lost her job today. She will land on her feet because she is a fighter and a hard worker. She knows a lot of trades so I included her flyer on the right there if you're looking for a handyWOman! It is things like this that makes me remember that we need to live our lives for today because we do't know what will be happening tomorrow.

With that in mind I just went online and bought a couple of tickets for the Los Angeles Lakers - Chicago Bulls game for Fabio for his 16th birthday in a couple of weeks. Those are his two favorite teams and he has been hinting for about 5 months and I decided to live for today. If I die before then Cha Cha will have to take him. She doesn't want to go so I only bought two. The last Bulls game we went to was a couple of years ago when we went to one of the play-off games. Don't tell him because he doesn't know yet.

Last night we recorded the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. About midnight I decided to edit it and I finally got it done and uploaded by 4:30 this morning. It isn't too expensive of a hobby (that is a relative term though) but it sure does take a lot of time. What hobby doesn't? Next week we have the owner of a company called Urban Tanks to talk about the National Rifle Association (NRA). Can you guess what side of the NRA he might be? I just cannot wait to see the vehicle he drives up in.

I heard that Aurora, Illinois (the second largest city in Illinois) had no homicides at all of 2012. The first time in six decades. Aurora has always seemed like a pretty violent city to me so this surprises me a great deal. I hope that is true but I find it hard to believe. Chicago (Illinois' largest city) has already had a couple of homicides in the last two days (2013). Was there an effort to fudge the numbers to try to get people to move to Aurora? Visit Aurora? Some extra funding? I am usually a skeptic on most things but that's just my Columbo-nature. I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam! MMMMMM....yams!

No homicides in Aurora? Hmmmmmmm, curious!

I am going to take Cha Cha out on a date tonight. She leaves from work in about 40 minutes and it takes her about 30 minutes to get home so I have about 50 minutes before I have to get into the shower. I know dinner (salad for me) will be involved but I hope a movie - that part is up to her. Our last one wasn't too enjoyable (listen to the podcast). I'd like to see Django Unchained but I am pretty sure she doesn't. I heard Jack Reacher is good too but I am pretty Anti-Tom Cruise lately. Looking at the showtimes it may be tough unless we do the 10:00/10:30 show.

It always takes me way to long to write these blogs now. It's 100% my fault but I am playing Words With Friends, Tweeting (Matt The Agitator), checking movie times... Why can't I do just one thing at a time anymore?

I have to get a shower and get dressed. Going to bed at 5:00AM sure does topsy-turvy ones' days. My whole life has been topsy-turvy for the past three years or so so you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Have a great night and I think I will blog tomorrow. Thank you for stopping in and for reading the blog and listening to the podcast. TTTT...MITM (out with the old) TA!