Bird Poop Facials & Divorce & Baby Skunks (this blog stinks)

How do they arrive at a $1,200 reward?

I just woke up and turned on the television while I am eating lunch/breakfast and there is a biography of Ma Barker and The Barker-Karpis Gang. The cosmos is trying to tell me something about gangsters lately with me "seeing" Bonnie and Clyde last week and now The Barkers. Being a gangster back in the late 1920's and early 1930's must have been the thing to do. I have to listen to the cosmos but first I have to figure out what the cosmos is trying to tell me. I had no idea, until now, that there was actually a Pa Barker who stayed at home. It sounds like Ma Barker wasn't even a gun-toting gangster like it is commonly portrayed; she may have just been a mom with a bunch of really bad kids and she just followed them around so they wouldn't get killed - but nobody is sure of whether she was part of the gang or just their mom. They were just a bunch of hooligan delinquents and J. Edgar Hoover was right in that Ma Barker was "a monument of parental indulgence." She let he boys get away with murder.

Last night I worked mostly outside and it was pretty warm until about 2:00AM. Because of that I was sweating a bit and now my guns are peeling. My upper arms got pretty red while in Texas and then the burn was starting to turn to tan until last night when I developed sweat bubbles under the burn - that seems to be how sunburn peels it appears to me during my field research.

Remember I told you that I run upon skunks every now and then? Last night I came across a baby skunk; I am not really sure if there is anything cuter in the world except my kids and your kids when they were young. It dawned on me that I don't know what a baby skunk is called. I could look it up and I will in a moment but, first, I want to try to guess. Skunkling? Skunklette? I am guessing those are both wrong because spell-check tells me, by their little red squiggly lines that those are not words but I usually ignore those red squiggles as you know when you read this blog. Skunk Cub? I just Googled it and B-O-R-I-N-G.... a baby skunk is called a cub so I guess my last guess, though supposed to be a lame guess and assuredly wrong, was actually correct. I prefer Skunkling and that's what they shall be called from this day forth! So has it been bloggen so shall it be done.

While I was sitting in the airport in Dallas (DFW) and looking for an outlet to plug in my phone and iPod I wondered why someone hasn't started a business to rent out electrical outlets to charge things at airports. While I was sitting on the floor of the airport and watching as people trolled around looking for an open hole to plug their junk into I scanned the terminal and could see immediately where all of the power sources were. There was either a group of girl athletes sitting on each other and using each other  aspillows or dudes in suits balancing their laptops on their luggage... Shouldn't someone be able to wheel a small cart up to you, kind of like a work station or desk, that produced power for our electric gods?  Go ahead and take the idea, because I know I will never do anything with this sure-thing but, remember me at profit-sharing or ground-floor buying-in time and such.

When I looked at my foot next to he footlong hotdog at the Texas Rangers' game it dawned on me that all shoes are a foot long. Even shoes in countries that use the metric system are a foot long.

I heard that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (TomKat) are getting divorced. I was set to write about a report I heard yesterday that Tom Cruise uses a mixture of, among other things, Nightingale (the bird) poop to stay looking young rather than using Botox or getting plastic surgery. It appears that maybe Katie heard the same report yesterday. I am kinda grossed-out when I accidentally get bird poop on my hand and this guy is getting a bird poop face mask? Wasn't there some kind of report not long ago talking about all of this illness people are getting due to pigeon feces? Maybe Nightingale poop has special powers. How does L. Ron Hubbard look on divorce and bird poop facials?

And now M.J.'s  tiger died!

There are a lot of divorces lately. Cha Cha and I know of three or four couples personally that are getting divorced. I wonder if divorces come in threes like things are supposed to? I have no inclination to get divorced but even if I were I believe I would be too lazy. From what I see getting divorced seems like a lot of work. Maybe we should have a Dirty Laundry Podcast load where we do a Dating Game kind of a thing - it could be a regular weekly part of the show if this trend continues. I have been trying to think of a "game show" we could do on the podcast and maybe this is it? We could be more progressive and do Same-Sex Dating Game sometimes too - they would never do that on network shows (not yet anyway).

I am all blogged-out for today. I will try to blog again tomorrow - wait tomorrow is Saturday; I don't think I will ever know what day of the week it is without doing the math again I fear. Knowing the days and the time are over-rated anyway I think unless you have a schedule to keep and who has schedules these days? Oh yeah, everybody. Have a great Frinight and maybe a nice weekend depending on whether I blog or not. Thank you for stopping in and humoring me while I make a sorry attempt at humoring you. TTT?...MITM (out for whatever day this is). TA!

Blogging Again From Planet Bloggywood

Clyde and Marvin Barrow's grave site

Today my vacation will be officially over when I go back to work. It's suppose to be almost as hot as Texas today and people are blaming me for bringing the heat back with me. All I did was bring people back a nice souvenir of my trip and I get grief for it - see if I bring you back something next time!

The best way to hear and see about my trip are to listen to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast and go over to the Dirty Laundry Facebook page where I have posted several photos of the trip. I still have more photos to put up but most of the ones we talked about on the show this week are there. It will kind of be like a slideshow or a mini movie if you click through the photos as we talk about them... this may change the whole way podcasts are done.

While I am typing this I am watching Bonnie and Clyde on Netflix. I remembered Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway being in the movie but I forgot that Gene Hackman was in the movie too. I lied down on the graves of Bonnie and Clyde and Martin ("Buck") and here I am being haunted by them on Netflix. Buck was Clyde's older brother and was nicknamed Buck because when he was young he'd buck around like a horse. I have always been fascinated by gangsters. Not that killing and robbing is ever right but you can understand why people would turn to that lifestyle given the times of The Great Depression. I know in this instance "great" means big but I think they should have called it The Bad Depression or The Big-Ass Depression or something like that. The movie is insinuating that Clyde had problems in the sex department...Little Clyde couldn't report for duty? No wonder he was so angry. Hey, Jemome Silberman (Gene Wilder) is in this movie - pretty young. Four years before he became Willie Wonka. Did you know the Gene Wilder is from Milwaukee, Wisconsin? Right as I was typing that he said in the movie, as Eugene Grizzard, that he is from Wisconsin....weird. Maybe Milwaukee should have put a statue of Willie Wonka instead of that creepy one of The Fonz.

It sounds like Obama Care may go through. They are still trying to make-out what The Supreme Court ruling says but it sounds like all Americans will have healthcare. I don't know much about it, the political stuff is Cha Cha's role, but I think it's good. I am sure people are going to complain about the government forcing people to buy medical insurance but I think in the long-run it will save people lots of money in the end.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Must be near The Safe House?

I keep getting distracted from writing this blog. I am doing dishes and watching the movie and doing laundry (the dirty clothes kind)... Now there is a big shoot-out scene so I have to either pause the movie or stop typing. Buck just got shot in the head - that's how he died in real life - knowing history is such a spoiler!

I had better get some stuff around here and I have to pick up Fabio in about an hour so I had better quit blogging for now. I hope you fellow MIDDLEwesterners can handle the heat for the next few days. It's days like this that I am happy I work nights - especially since tonight I will be working outside all night. Thanks for stopping in. While you're over checking out the photos on the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page why don't you do a blogger a solid and click that "like" button n there? Muchas Gracias Compadre! TTT (tomorrow depending on how I assimilate to nights again)...MITM (out of the heat for now). Hey, Denver Pyle (Uncle Jessie) is in this movie with no beard too. TA!

My Vacation with The Ghosts of Murderers

I am beginning this blog on Monday night at 19:22 (we use military time at work and since vacation is over soon and I will be back to work Thursday I had better get used to using military time again) from 30,000 feet or something like that from seat 9F...love me a window seat. We had a pretty good time but I look a bit like Mr. Crabs now with my red tint. Luckily, I have always looked good in red.

We ate lunch today at a place called Ojos Locos Sports Cantina. I had two Camarones (shrimp for you non-Mexican cuisine peeps) tacos and two Tilapia (Tilapia for you non-Mexican speaking peeps) tacos and we had chips and guacamole (I had all the guacamole because Randy doesn't like guacamole (he really liked the queso though) - "what's the matter brainless don't you know where guacamole comes from?" Never pass up an opportunity to quote It's a Wonderful Life whenever possible even if it only marginally fits. I wish I lived in Dallas because I would eat at this place twice-a-day every day for the rest of my life. Not only were the tacos and guacamole fantastic but all of the waitresses (about 12 to 14 of them) looked like Eva Longoria wearing black micro-mini shorts and low-cut tops with stripper boots. They were like short hispanic fembots. I didn't even need the sports bar part of the cantina. The tacos also had habenero onions which I have never heard of but they were good and hot like I like.

I started a tradition of lying on famous people's graves a couple of years ago when I started with Edgar Allan Poe and I added three new people to my list: Lee Harvey Oswald, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Clyde was quite an adventure. The cemetery was in a barrio (too bad we hadn't met the fembots yet because they may have been helpful here), the gate was locked and there was a "no trespassing" sign on the fence. Randy didn't want to go in but, while he was objecting, I was already squeezing between the gates. What would Clyde do? He would probably pull out his tommy gun and cut the lock like soft butter. Most likely afraid to remain in the barrio without Clyde me Bonnie Randy followed soon after. Clyde's tombstone was easy to find because there was a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey and several shotgun shells on top of the headstone. He is buried with his brother Marvin who was also part of Bonnie and Clyde's gang; he was killed about a year before Clyde - not part of the famous ambush that made Swiss Cheese outta Bonnie and Clyde. I have stories about Lee Harvey and Bonnie too but you'll have to tune into this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast to hear those because it is stupid to steal your own thunder (that's what Clyde tells me anyway). If the ghost of Clyde Barrow drank the Jameson whiskey that some one left him would he spray whiskey all over like a colander?

More than ten feet off of Beale

While I was taking pictures on the trip I thought to myself that taking photos to show other people is kinda stupid. Nobody else really cares about your trip. Maybe we just take them to remind us of our trips and to prove whose graves we have planked on. Maybe to remember what we did when we get old or maybe just so people like Ken Burns can make documentaries in years to come and have something to include.

As I was leaving Texas I thought of a great slogan for The Lone Gunman Lone Star State: "if you can't stand the heat get outta Texas." It was hotter than Beelzebub's butt crack all week long. They must have mini air conditioning units in their boots or 10-gallon hats; that finally explains the hats. On the plane on the way home I got to see why the 10-gallon hat was invented - to hide your Elvis-do! I have what I believe to be photographic evidence that Elvis lives and he was on my flight. Either that or the dude is ready for a part in The Rocky Horror Picture Show or he is auditioning for the live-action Johnny Bravo movie. Hot damn tamale baby!!! I guess Spirit Air makes sense when you see the ghost of Elvis. Maybe I died on the plane and I don't know I am dead yet ala The Sixth Sense. I was on a plane with restless souls...cool! Makes sense (sixth sense).


The best thing about the trip is the wake-up call. I am starting to pack the pounds on again due to my irregular sleeping and the inability inconvenience to work-out because of my schedule. It is time to stop with the excuses and get back to where I was. Matt is getting fat and I ain't down with that!

I am home now and finishing this up. I am washing all of my sweaty clothes from the trip. I don't think I will complain about the heat in Illinois ever again. When they say "everything is bigger in Texas" I knew they were talking about Cowboy Stadium but I had no idea they meant the sun too. As hot as it was I think the sun must be about 26.3% bigger in Texas by my calculations.

Might as well be walkin' on Helios

I gotta get some stuff done around the house. Ha, I just caught a fly and set him/her free outside. I have never seen a reason to kill anything for no reason which is why maybe I was given the ability to catch flies with my bare hands (the trick is to sweep your hand about eight inches above them and close your hand while sweeping - nine times out of ten you will catch them because they will fly right into your closing hand). Have a great day and thanks for stopping by y'all. I will let you know when the podcast is up (either tonight or tomorrow morning). Damn, I forgot to mention the giant President heads - remind me tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (home home on the range). TA!

The Blog at Night is Still Not Bright....

Today is my last day in The Lone Star State. Yesterday was a big day. We went to The School Book Depository and took the tour and checked out The Grassy Knoll. In case you live on another planet this is the place in Dallas where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I expected it to be interesting and it was. I think I have mentioned it here before but I am a huge JFK fan. Part of it is that he was the President when I was born, I think, but a lot of it has to do with what he did for: minority Americans and helping the World by starting The Peace Corps and the way he stood up to Russia in the Cuban Missile Crisis. He really cared about the people of America and making it a better place for all of the country's citizens. I could not believe how small the area where he was killed, Dealey Plaza, was. I really think that Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy and I never really 100% thought that until visiting here. I am not even sure what makes me feel that way now but it just came in my mind being there - maybe it is the ghosts of JFK and Oswald?

Hey, why would The Rangers get a pitcher names Roy Oswalt. Now I know why he pronounces it OHs Walt. I bet his real name is Oswald and his family had to change it to live in America in the 1960s.

I got really choked-up watching one of the movies on The Sixth Floor about parents with their kids and fearing for their children lying over them to protect them from whatever was going on that day on The Grassy Knoll. I also did not realize that Jack Ruby shot Oswald in the building kinda right across the street from The School Depository. What a cursed plaza that is.

If you have been a regular reader of MITM you know that I have a fascination with death and cemeteries. For some reason I thought while we were driving that Bonnie and Clyde were from Texas so I Goggled it in the car (how did we survive without 4g?) and found out that Clyde Barrow was buried not far from Dealey Plaza so guess where we headed? We got there and the gate was locked and there was a "no trespassing" sign on the fence so I squeezed between the gates because we Northerners don't go for no fancy sign reading' and Ii looked for the grave marker. I went to it immediately because I saw a bottle of Seagrams sitting on a grave. I walked up and saw the bottle along with several shotgun shells strewn all over. So I laid down and had my photo taken as I do. I don't know why I am not freaked out by death but I don't understand why people do get freaked out by death. We all die and the sooner you come to grips with that realization the better off you are I think. I still may die in a plane crash on the flight home and if that is my destiny do be it. You cannot cheat fate. And now it will sound prophetic.

I sure did get tired of hearing the song Deep in the Heart of Texas down here The stars at night are big and bright (clap clap clap clap)... what about that big star during the day that turned my body red with star-burn? Every time I heard that song I could not help thinking about Peewee's Big Adventure. I think when Paul Reubens wrote that movie he was right on with Texans.

Last night, after spending the day with Kennedy, I spent the night with Bush (W. that is) at The Rangers' game. I never saw him clap one time during the game and neither he nor Nolan Ryan did the wave. I think I saw the wave at all three of the games I attended this weekend we Texas. Does the rest of the world still do the wave? I don't think so. Maybe because it averaged 102 degrees while we were at these games they were thinking that if they could catch a wave they would be cooled-down.

Tomorrow night Cha Cha and I will be recording yet another load of Dirty Laundry. I imagine we will talk a lot about my trip.

I write this blog on my iPod so I will simply post it without photos like I did when I started the blog a couple of years ago. I hope you have a nice start to your week as mine comes to a close. TTTT....MIT southern M. TA!

The Sun is Stalking Me

Everything is deliciouser in Texas

Happy Sunday. I woke up this morning in Dallas (the city you perv) and was instantly hungry for Neapolitan ice cream. I don't care for ice cream all that much but the power of suggestion when I saw my vanilla skin next to my strawberry skin from sitting in 100+ sunshine yesterday put the suggestion in my chocolate mind. While at the Rangers' game yesterday I met a new friend named Natalie Pickle. What's with southerners being named Pickle or Pickler and stuff? For her birthday yesterday her one wish was to go to a Texas Rangers game and meet me. Can you believe someone from Texas' only birthday wish is to meet Dirty Laundry Podcast's Agitator? People down here are very nice and I love the way they talk. Typing that makes me think of Sling Blade, "I like the way you talk."

Last night after the game Randy and I went out for dinner. We went to a place called The Keg Steak House. I have to say I like it better than Morton's (sorry Stacee). I had the Peppercorn New York steak, a baked potato, asparagus and a blue cheese wedge salad. I was really happy that I didn't have anything to eat at the ballgame. I also had a couple of Absolut Peppar bloody marys with blue cheese olives. The food was fabulous but maybe the reason I liked it more than Morton's is because of, instead of having their servers..., dress like like butchers they are dressed in very short black dresses. I think the food was the real reason but it's nice when all of my senses are tickled. It was also A LOT cheaper than Chicago-area steak joints.

I forgot to mention yesterday that when we were at The Astros' game I got my haircut at the ballpark. They have a promotion there where you can get a haircut and the money goes to charity. I waited until the game started and the line was down and went and they sat me down on a balcony in center field and cut my hair. It was Sports Clips and I guess they do it every Friday that  the Stro's are home. I am glad I got it the night before the Rangers' game because then I would have those weird white lines around my sunburn when I got a haircut. They must have recognized me because before long there was a camera in my newly framed face on the Jumbo Tron in center field. Can't I go anywhere without being recognized from our world-famous podcast? I don't mind - it the price of podcasting fame.
We passed through a town called Pearland, Texas. I need to know if it's pronounced "Pair Land" or "Pearl Land." I am guessing either way when a Texan pronounced it it would be the latter. I wish I had remembered about that and I would have asked Natalie Pickle (I can never mention her without saying both her first and last names).

Today we are taking a tour of Rangers' Ballpark and maybe Cowboy Stadium. Cowboy Stadium is so big that it makes the state of Illinois look like New Hampshire. When we drove up to it last night I felt like Randy and I were Will Smith and Harry Connick Jr. in Independence Day when they flew up on one of the mothership deals. After seeing it I don't know how we cannot take the tour of Cowboy Stadium - I didn't come all this way to lay-up. Hey Greg, I found the last white cap with a blue star in the state of Texas.

Yes, those are The Beatles' back there too...they really are huge!

I had better wrap-up because the laptop is running outta juice. Have a great day and watch me on the MLB game of the week tonight. I guess tonight's game is nationally televised and maybe some of the Bush family will be there to meet me; I imagine they are very excited I am in town. Thanks for stopping by to read some of my tales of circumnavigating the sun down here. I don't know if I will blog tomorrow because I apparently forgot to bring the cord for the computer and the juice is almost gone. It will give me more to write on Tuesday. TTT whenever I can....MITM (out y'all)
 
Speaking of Bush we saw some huge president heads in the middle of a industrial area and I am investigating this as we speak - more on this later

The blogs at night are big and bright....

Good Saturday morning. It is only day two of my semi-annual baseball trip with my friend Randy. (that is if semi-annual means every two years - though that might be bi-annual but I think that means twice a year). Even though it is only day two it seems like day five because we tend to pack a lot into the days we have. That is one of my annoying habits on trips sometimes I think but I like to pack as much into the time I have in a different place so I can see as much as I can see. I think that is one of the reasons Randy and I like to come on these baseball trips together because I believe we are both do as much as you can to get as much out of a place your are visiting kind of guys. So, Thursday night we got to Dallas about midnight or so and by the time we got to the hotel it was about 1AM. We then got up in the morning yesterday and were on the road toward Houston by about 5AM. I drove and I like to live like the locals and, in this case, that meant drive like the natives. It only took us about 3 1/2 hours to get from Dallas to Houston because the locals, at least the one I decided to hook our wagon up to, likes to drive fast. For several of the miles we were flying down the highway at 104 miles an hour. I had to slow down to 98 at one point and another car passed me so I had to get back over to 100 to retake the pole position. I must say the the Chevy Cruise handles very well at high rates of speed.

This is the sign welcoming us to the Nolan Ryan Museum

We got to Dallas and checked into our new hotel (for last night) and we went off to Minute Maid Field for a tour of the ballpark. The Astros have a really cool ballpark. I like to do the baseball park tours. The group we toured with was only about twelve people or so and that is right about the right number I think.

What is the difference between a motel and a hotel? I m not really sure which one we are staying in.

After the tour, I am not gonna tell you every detail since these blogs can get boring enough on their own without my help, we decided to drive down to Alvin, Texas to see the Nolan Ryan Museum (he's from Alvin, Texas). If you do not know who Nolan Ryan is - he was one of the greatest pitchers of all time and now works for the Texas Rangers. He played for both the Houston Astros and the Texas Rangers...he is definitely a good ole Texas boy. We made the hour or so trip down to Alvin and drive up to the museum about 2PM and immediately noticed that the parking lot was pretty empty. Cool - we'll have the place all to ourselves.

Please forgive any typos or misspellings today because I am trying to type in the dark so Randy can sleep a little longer - I am always up early because of my guilty conscience fro something I must have done in a past life.

We also had brisket yesterday at one of the million local barbecue places in Houston. I found out that I am not really a big fan of brisket but I am always willing to try all of the local customs at least once. That's actually one of the things I like best about going on trips is to try to experience local cultures and traditions.

Our car's console yesterday. 110? It's like Africa-hot here!

Last night we went to The Houston Astros game and watched them lose to The Celevland Indians. That baseball park is awesome. That was the first game I have ever been to where the roof was closed. I have been to many domed stadia but that was the first one with the lid on. I  am glad because it was hot outside. At the end of the game they opened the roof (only too about 15 minutes) and they had a fireworks show. It was a good time.

I had better wrap-up now because Randy is up and we are heading back to Dallas this morning and going to a Texas Rangers game among many other things. Maybe we will try to keep in under 100 mph back north. Though everything is bigger in Texas.

I hope you have a great day and I hope it's not over 100 degrees where you are. It's pretty hot here - that everything is bigger in Texas thing should have limitations (like the temperature). Thanks for stopping-in y'all. I will probably blog again tomorrow since I am always the early bird trying to catch the blogging worm. TTTT...MITM (where the stars at night are big and bright - clap clap clap clap - ...) I know you said it!!!! TA! I will try to get some photos up on my Facebook page.

Swedish Pissed

I am sitting at the FIAT dealership in Schaumburg and they have pissed me off yet again. This is our second of three "free" services (oil changes). I drove over an hour to use $25.00 worth of fuel to get a $19.00 oil change. There is an issue with the car which is why I came to the dealership . By the way, it is Zeigler Chrysler, Fiat, Dodge whatever else. The molding above the driver's door has become slightly separated separating. Of course, their Fiat guys are all in training today. I did not call ahead because the last time I called before coming they made me feel like an idiot for calling telling me that I do not need to call. I spoke to the head of service last time and he sent a check for $30.00 for our fuel. I will never buy another new car that isn't within 15 minutes of my house if there is any kind of warranty attached. I do enjoy driving the car and I am going to IKEA when I am done to look for a world map for the new Dirty Laundry Podcast studio (Kajunkles Studio). I am starting to think they should get a guy named Tony working at Zeigler - since FIAT, I am told, stands for Fix It Again Tony. I remember all of the sayings what Ford stood for too back in the day - Found On Road Dead, Fix Or Repair Daily, F'd Over Rebuild Dodge...

Tonight Cha Cha and I are meeting MADYM down at Swedish Days in Geneva to listen to some ABBA tribute band. Cha Cha likes ABBA but it does not break my heart that they don't make music anymore. I didn't hate them but I am doing fine without them.

I am just pissed at this place and the longer I sit here to get what should take 15 minutes (an oil change) the angrier I get. I am happy with the Swedes right now but angrier at the Italians. I hope that anger doesn't spill over to MADYM when I see her Italian face in a couple of hours.

I leave for Texas tomorrow night (tonight now). I am pretty excited but I looked at the weather forecast and for the days we will be there 98 is the lowest daytime temperature I will see. At least I will come back looking Italian with my tan and maybe that will help me bury my anger for Italy. I don't really blame all of Italy and descendant of Italy for this dealership I guess I should more just out it on car dealerships because that is more accurate. Maybe just Zeigler.

Hey, this Is a huge Swedish day for me - Swedish Days, ABBA and IKEA. I am going to buy something Swedish at IKEA so I look cool at Swedish Days. Maybe Swedish Fish or something. Maybe we should have bought a SAAB Instead?

Even though I am writing this in their waiting room there is something wrong with their wifi too so I will publish this when I get home later tonight after ABBA light. I figure the wifi is down so people won't blog about them. Little did they know that Roz will save the info for me until I get home. When I am upset I am relentless and tenacious.

So, now it is the next day and I was unable to upload this yesterday because they never regained  internet connectivity. Luckily I saved it on Roz so I didn't have to try to remember what I had written because my rants are some of my favorite blogs when they are written while in the heat of the moment.

So, while I was getting ready to leave I noticed that all the cars were driving out of the shop all washed. Then came the FIAT still with bugs all over the front end and the window still dirty. I had had enough so when the guy in the shop commented on the car's mustache saying something like, "it looks like we should have given your car a shave while it was in here" I said maybe just a wash would have taken the mustache off. He said, "your car didn't get washed?" I wanted to say. "no Captain Obvious...maybe while you were staring at the mustache you may have noticed all of the dead bugs all over it" but I just said "no" and gave him a pissed-off look. He immediately had someone come over and whisk the car off and "wash it." It was clearly just hosed-off but I was done with the fine Zeigler experience for one day. I know some of this makes me sound like a baby but I had been up since 2AM and I was Matt as hell and I wasn't going to take it anymore.

So, since the fun at a car dealer I went to IKEA and bought a map of the world for Kajunkles Studio. It is 200 X 140 cm which translates into 78 3/4" X 55". It is pretty darn big. A big part of the podcast is all of the places we are heard and with the new studio we need a new, bigger map of our listeners. Now I have to figure-out where to hang it. Once I get it up (TWHS) and get all of the countries marked I will post a photo on the DLP Facebook page. I should take some photos of the new studio and get them up there too.

I am gonna wrap this up because it is pretty long (nah) and I have to start packing for my trip and getting many other things done. We went and saw ABBA Tribute last night. They were pretty good and sounded like ABBA but they really need to work on that name - ABBA Tribute. I guess it says what they are and maybe that's the best kind of name. If if they called themselves Dancing Queen or Fernando or Waterloo or something people would not know what they were getting and ABBA Tribute leaves little doubt.

I plan to blog from the road like I did when I was in Baltimore a couple of years ago but we'll see how that goes. I got a new laptop for Father's Day so it has road trip blogging written all over it - if I get a moist cloth maybe I can get that off. Thank you for listening to me rant. That, coupled with the three margaritas and the one glass (plastic cup) of wine at Swedish Days helped me get over it. Have a great day and I cannot wait for the 101 degree weather....no tan no gain at this point! TTTT?...MITM (leavin' on a jet plane). If I don't die in a plane crash within the next day or so one of my next rants may be about Spirit Air and the fees to carry baggage on or their fees to select your seat... If I don't return it was probably Spirit Air trying to keep me quiet. Maybe I will wait and write that blog after I get back from my trip. TA!

The One Constant is Matt In The Middle

Who even knows what all this means?

Hit it Roz!  While I was sleeping I was listening to Pandora (Paul Simon station) and this song came on and it dawned on me that I hadn't played it here for awhile so I thought it to be a sign that Roz would have to cue it up this morning.

Good early morning from the MIDDLEwest. Currently the time is 2: 37 AM and the temperature is 54 degrees Celsius. It is clear, the wind is out of the east at 7 miles per hour and the humidity is at 77%. At what point in our lives did we need to know all of that information? Not many people really need to know the percentage of humidity or how fast is the wind is moving. I imagine some of these statistics are good for farmers or people involved in air travel but why does some schlub like me need to know all of that information. I even took a meteorology class in college and I am lost most of the time. I think it probably all started when we went to the 24-hour news cycle and The Weather Channel had to fill constant time with reports of the weather. How many times during the day could you say the current temperature is 54 degrees? It's just a bunch of good-looking people trying to pretend their smart too.

Why is school did we have pluses and minuses in grades? The reason I say that is because yesterday I was thinking, as I always do though I would be better off I learned not to, "why don't they give pluses or minuses if you get an F?" I think some kid who got an F would love to go home and say, "but mom, it's an F plus."

Whoops! Or is that Vanilla Ice?

The Weather Channel says that our low for the day is going to be 62 degrees. How can that be when it's 54 right now? Somebody needs to hold these people accountable!!!! The low temperature for the day has to be 52 degrees at the warmest now doesn't it? First they tell us we need to know all of this crap and then they don't even give us the honest information. Who is in charge of the weather.

A couple of days ago Madonna exposed one of her nipples to a concert crowd in Istanbul, Turkey and last night she showed her bum in Rome. She sure knows how to keep people talking about her. I have liked a lot of her music over the years but I wonder if we'd even know who she was if it weren't for her deviant behavior over and over. Maybe that's what we're doing wrong with the Dirty Laundry Podcast; we need to do something bordering on illegal but definitely shocking. I decided that I am plugging the podcast here too much so I intentionally did not include the hyperlink this time even though I know Madonna would have plugged/hyper-linked it twice (TWSS). Hopefully you know where to find it by now. And I am referring to the new load of Dirty Laundry that was posted yesterday on iTunes and at Podomatic.com. (add my nip slip here) - what are guys supposed show? Nip and slip rhyme so well. Ball fall? Wiener leaner?

I heard that Henry Hill died yesterday. That is weird because they have been showing Goodfellas quite a bit lately and I just saw a show with Henry Hill talking about his real life (kind of a biography I guess). It's like someone knew he was going to die soon. In case you haven't gathered by the info so far - Henry Hill was the person that Ray Liotta played in Goodfellas. I wonder when we get to the end of the year and they are compiling those lists where we say, "oh yeah, I forgot he died this year" he will be on those lists. I guess you know you made it if you are on the list of celebrities that died in any particular year/ That's probably a list you don't want to be on so I am happy to know that I will never be on that list.

"The one constant is baseball."

 
Next week my buddy Randy and I are heading to Texas for our semi-annual baseball trip. every year we start-off with about 5-8 people who are going and most often it's just Randy and I. This year was no different. There were going to be like eight of us this year and we were going to rent a house and all have our own bedrooms and now we are staying at a Holiday Inn Express or something. I have always had fun but why does everybody keep backing-out? Maybe we plan too far ahead and don't make anybody put any money down and then their wives aren't as cool as Cha Cha and start nagging about how they should stay home... I am looking forward to going to Houston and Arlington and with only the two of us if the plane goes down we will garner more attention at our funerals becasue there will be less funerals for our mutual friends to have to attend. It is also easier to decide what to do when we're not going to baseball games with just two of us. Two times ago since there were only two of us we got to drive down to Atlantic City and we both won a couple hundred bucks playing blackjack and we hung-out in the poker room from the movie Rounders. I think we are going to The Book Depository and we will do some other cool stuff too - we always tour the ball parks too so screw the rest of you jamokes!

I guess I am done for today. I don't know if I will blog tomorrow but I might - like to keep you on the edge of your seat. Thanks for comin' by. I hope you have a great Thursday, right? TTT?....MITM (nip nip baby to go!) TA!

Matts In The Belfry or Matt In The Fogy?

We recorded the podcast last night and I have been up since about 2:30AM editing it. It is being converted into the proper format (For Matt) to uploaded to Podomatic and iTunes. I am not really sure that the show is very good this week because we were both a little tipsy and drinking during the show and things always seem to seem funnier when there's liquor involved. I am gonna put it up as is because with Dirty Laundry Podcast you get us the way we really are for the most part. At least I know not every show can win a Podbody Award! I would have thought that with as much wine as I drank I would have slept later but I just fell awake so decided to come on down to the studio and get it rolling. I know I will be tired later but I am off today. Fabio has a basketball game against cross-cornfield rival Sycamore High School today but that isn't until 6PM so I may be napping later.

It's always hard (TWSS) doing a blog right after we do a podcast because I don't want to repeat what we talk about on the podcast on here; being a multi-media star has disadvantages and obstacles. Most will never know my pain. Speaking of pain I have a headache in the back of my head again. I know it's sinuses but what the hell? I love when it's cool enough to have the windows open but then the pollen comes in - maybe I am allergic to Moscato? Who cares?

Have you heard about the new synthetic marijuana that is legal? I heard that a young teenage boy in my town had a heart attack from smoking it. I also heard that it is illegal in our town now. I don't know if either of these are true but I thought that I would let people know what I have heard so you can be vigilant and stay away from this stuff until more is known about it. I guess it is called K2. My guess is that it will become illegal everywhere very soon.

Remember last week I told you that I came up on the business-end of a skunk and didn't get sprayed? Well, this week I was "attacked" by a bat. It didn't really attack me but it swooped down on me and then as I looked up it circled and swooped back down on the other side of me - it was "buzzing the tower." I felt like saying "negative, the pattern is full" but it didn't request permission for a fly-by it just did it. It disappeared up under an awning and I went under looking for it but it had disappeared. Maybe it wasn't really a bat but some kind of ghostly spirit but now, either way, I don't know how smart it was to go looking for it after it disappeared. what was I gonna do if I went under there and there was a whole colony of bats? Yes, they are called a colony and I do not even know why I know that. There was a time when I knew what a group of most animals is called. My favorites have always been: a murder of crows and a business of ferrets. I think I may have mentioned that here before but it bears repeating - incidentally, a group of bears is called a sleuth of bears.

No big whoop!

The podcast is loading more quickly than usual. It seems that it loads faster when the rest of the world isn't using the wifi and/or our modem to play their war game videos in the house. Note to self, upload the podcast early in the morning while the rest of the world sleeps.

Cha Cha and I had an interesting discussion last week. I mentioned Funk & Wagnalls and she didn't have any idea what I was talking about. Funk & Wagnalls was the main dictionary / encyclopedia when I was a kid. I thought everybody knew Funk & Wagnalls. I am only 11 months older than her but maybe in that 11 months is where old fogy starts. I may actually be in the old fogy stage of my life. I may not be Matt In The Middle anymore but am now Matt In The Fogy!

I'll be right back I am going to go up and make a salmon salad sandwich. We had salmon on the grill the other night (that is to say I cooked it on the grill we did not sit on the grill eating it) and there was some left and I made salmon salad (like tuna salad but with salmon) and the fish usually bite this time of morning I am told. I should probably cut the bog off here too so I can finish getting the podcast up.

Have a great day and, as always, thanks for stopping by and read the rantings of a fogy on the edge. Enjoy you Hump Day and don't do anything I'd like to watch but if you do post it on YouTube so I can watch it later. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out)

It's Not a Tuma!!!! It's a Blog!!!!

It's not a tuma!!!!

I just got done dishing out over $1,000 in bill payments on-line. While I feel good that I have paid our bills I feel lousy that I am out $1,000 bucks; that duel between feelings never seems to go away.

I have had terrible sinus headaches for the past four nights or so. I get these headaches in the back of my head at the nape of my neck that happen every night. I know it's sinuses because I can press on the area in question and I can feel the green-ooze seeping down my throat. I suppose it's really just clear but I picture it like ectoplasm trying to take over my head. Maybe it's a tumor - "it's not a tuma. It's not a tuma at all!" So, while I was unable to sleep on my last night of sleep this week I woke up and watched some useless television and played Words With Friends and Scramble With Friends. Neither of those lasted long as I think most of my friends are sleeping like they should. Wow, this is the first time I have been down at the new office/Kajunkles Studio while the water softener started to recycle itself. There was just this creepy squeaking noise and now a hissing noise coming from that general direction and the ejector is spilling water into the sewer pipes so I am hoping that's what it is. I really don't want to go over there and find out that the green-ooze I imagine in my head is on the other side of the basement so I will just sit here and type while my life may end at any moment. I am going to go over and check it out - the unit is "recharging" whatever that means. I am sure the guy told me all about it when he installed it but that stuff never really makes sense when they tell it to you. You just shake your head and act like you know what they're talking about so they will get the hell out of your house.

Anyway, I just laid (lied I guess is more appropriate in this instance) and watched some of the most terribly contrived television I have ever seen but it was like a train wreck and I just kept watching Joan and Melissa Rivers pretend for an hour or so. While I was watching the show a scroll kept coming across the screen which read; "WE tv is being dropped from the DISH channel line-up. DISH is taking away your chance to see your favorite WE tv original series including KENDRA ON TOP, BRAXTON FAMILY VALUES, BRIDEZILLAS, MARY MARY, MY FAIR WEDDING and much more. Go to www.keepwetv.com or call 1-855-8-keep-on. Tell DISH; don't drop WE tv." I do not have DISH tv I have DIRECTv. I love DIRECTv but if Dish is gonna drop these shows and put on something good I may consider changing. I am not really sure if dropping WE tv is bad if that is the best they have to offer in programming. I think they may actually be doing a public service.

Speaking of public services did you hear that ABC Television (and all other stations and networks owned by The Walt Disney Company) will stop accepting advertisements from junk food companies in 2015? I think that says a lot when a huge company like that is going to turn down billions and billions of dollars in advertisement revenue to try to help make The U.S. of America one of the Healthiest Places on Earth! Good for you Disney! I was at my mom and dad's house yesterday and my dad sounds like he is against it. He also didn't like when Michelle Obama was working on helping kids to be healthier in schools. I am not really sure why he is against it other than he is anti-Democratic no matter what they do. I don't talk politics with him much because we are pretty much polar-opposites. I am right and he is wrong (that was my attempt at ironic political humor). I am not a very political person but I know what's right and I care about other people so I tend to lean to the left; that's not only because I am missing my big toe on my left foot. I am gonna use that line all the time now when people let me I am too liberal or that I lean to the left - I have no choice I have to lean to the left. Seriously, I go issue by issue on things and know what I believe is right and what is wrong and I don't need a group of over-paid government officials to tell me what is right. Some people seem to need to be told by their parent-figures (political parties...) what they should think and they follow.

Now I am thinking about food. I want to take photos of pizza and call myself Pizza Razzi. Man, I kill me sometimes.

Just like the Hatfield and the McCoys

My buddy Greg, thanks Greg, told me about the show Hatfields and McCoys and I am almost done watching the entire series. It is very good but I learned that they filmed the movie in Romania. I didn't know that when I started watching it but it sure looked like Tennessee and Kentucky to me. That kind of bothers me that they took so much money that could have helped our struggling U.S. of America economy, even if only in these couple of states, and took it to Romania. I have nothing against Romania - actually I rather like Romania but we need monetary stimulation here. I started to think why they would do that and my best guess is that they didn't want to deal with all of the unions and over-precautions safety ordinances and stupid rules that we have here... I am sure the list is non-stop of everybody who probably has their hands out when Kevin Costner and Bill Paxton and thousands of actors, technicians... come to their area. I believe I understand why they would do that but it kinda makes me sad.

Okay, it's 5 AM and I need some things I need to get done so I am gonna mosey on. I hope you have a great Thirsty Thursday. Thank you for stopping-in again - I can never say enough how much I appreciate it. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out)

Cha Cha is Trying to Kill Me - show this to the cops if I die

Thanks a lot Cha Cha

I just got done mowing the lawn and I am 100% convinced that Cha Cha is trying to kill me. She has so many obstacles in the yard now that I spend most of my time twisting and turning and fighting that the trees are saying things to me like, "Dr. Livingstone I presume." I was listening to the Dirty Laundry Podcast while mowing the lawn, which I do every week, and Cha Cha was doing her movie review of Snow White and the Hunstman and I thought of the Walt Disney version of Snow White (the best version still, of course) and as I was fighting through the forest that has become our backyard I could not help but think of Snow White fighting through the forest running from the wicked queen. I love how our backyard looks and I know, without a doubt, that we have the best-looking yard in the neighborhood, but the old thought that being beautiful is a lot of work applies to everything not just to people.

Speaking of yards in our neighborhood, if you listen to the podcast you have heard me rant about our Neighborhood Covenant High Exalted Committee the last couple of weeks. In a couple of days they are going to be wandering the neighborhood and taking photos of every house in the neighborhood. I won't go into all of the ranting that I did because it voluminous and if I went on about all of the thoughts that I have had about the impending photos this blog would continue until you woke up tomorrow morning. But, I came up with a great idea that would make P.T. Barnum proud. I am going to make a sign to promote the podcast in the front yard so whoever looks at the photo, wherever the photos are going to go, will listen to the podcast and learn what I think about the KKK (Kind Kovenant Kommittee).

I think I am going to denounce my Illinois citizenship

 My favorite Miss USA contestant is Miss Pennsylvania (though it is more fun to say Miss Mississippi - she should just be Miss Ississippi). I don't watch Miss USA but I think it's great that she has the nerve to take on Donald Trump and the Miss Universe Organization. She is alleging that she saw a list on a piece of paper way before judging had taken place that listed the five contestants that were going to be the final five. She says the list was made even before Sunday's pageant was held. She said on her Facebook page that the pageant is "fraudulent" and "trashy." It is Miss USA - the entire world knows that all pageants unless they make very small children dressed-up like Barbie Dolls are trashy. Trump, who has owned quite a few trashy things over the years, owns most of these pageants so - duh!!!!! Trump says that it is "sour grapes" and Miss Universe Organization is suing her for her claims. So now, so billionaire is suing a 27 year old girl. All he needs to do is come out and say the allegations are false and we will not believe him or even care anyway and it's over. I hope I don't get sued but professional wresting is predetermined too; that hasn't stopped millions of people to watch it every year. People watch these pageants to see hot chicks in bikinis - most of us don't care who wins these things - we never have. Good luck with you lawsuit and being a bully The Donald! (Scrooge McDuck's nephew).

I heard Tommy Lasorda had a heart attack. They called him Tom Lasorda on the new report I heard so I thought that meant he was dead; thankfully he is still alive. quite frankly, I thought he already was dead. I have always liked Tommy. He was a big deal when I was a kid. He and Billy Martin were two of the most colorful managers I can remembering growing up. I wonder if when Billy Martin died they called him Bill? Get better Tommy (Tom)! Ray Bradbury just died - I thought he was already dead too...man, I am really outta touch.

Remember when all photos were black and white?

I was watching the Chicago news this morning and just across the border to our North in Wisconsin there was a recall election for Governor. That is a pretty big story. Granted, it doesn't effect our state (Illinois) directly but they are our MIDDLE neighbor to the north and that is pretty big news. I am very thankful that there top story was so much more newsworthy and important to us in the MIDDLEwest. Miley Cyrus is engaged. Seriously? The #2 leader of Al Qaeda was killed but where do you suppose Hannah Montana is registered so I can send her a wedding gift. I know entertainment is important - it's probably the biggest part of my life being a worldwide blogging and podcasting sensation but achy breaky daughter getting engaged is the lead story. My prediction as a giant in the entertainment industry is that she will get married and be divorced before 2015.

Okay - enough of me - funny how most of this blog, as are most of them, is about entertainment but THAT'S WHY I DON'T CALL IT A NEWS BLOG!!!!! Thanks for letting me get some of that outta my system before I succumb to all of the scratches and scraped the Evil Queen Cha Cha bestowed on me this morning. Have a great Wednesday and I will probably blog again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (vapor)

My New Name is Harry Palms!

This is my 650th blog....I had no idea I had that much on my mind.

Last night I was outside and walked around the corner of a building at about 1AM and I walked up on the business end of a skunk. You know you're a puss when a skunk doesn't even the common decency to even pretend to be intimidated by you. I actually think I could have walked up and petted this skunk. I actually like the smell of skunk even though I imagine it would smell worse if I were doused in the smell. Over the last few months in my nighttime travels I have seen so many different animals I am thinking of building a teeny tiny little ark. Foxes, wolves, coyotes, deer, skunks, raccoons, worms, rabbits, geese, ducks, all the other birds... They sure are all busy at night while most people are sleeping.

Yesterday morning the sky was a beautiful red sunrise and it made me think of a saying my dad used to tell us when we were little but I don't think it is accurate; "red sky at night - sailor's delight, red sky in morning - sailors take warning." There was a red sky yesterday and the day was good and so was the night... poppycock on these stupid useless sayings.

I am off now for a couple of days and I am putting the final touches on this weeks Dirty Laundry Podcast. This week we have an exclusive movie trailer that is not being played by anyone else in the world at this point - talk about exclusive. We also discuss a new spin-off of our show....you know you've made it when you have a spin-off.

The first installment of our property taxes was due yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, $3,400 has left the building. Now, in a couple of months, we get to send another $3,400. We live in the MIDDLE of a cornfield in the MIDDLE of nowhere so why are our property taxes so much? And, in addition, this coming weekend our Nazi Homeowners' Association will come by to take photos of everyone's yards. If I raise my property taxes by a couple thousand samolians can we get rid of the homeowners' association? 

Thanks Greg!

If you get a chance to catch Hatfields and McCoys on The History ChannelI would recommend it. It has a lot of people who have played in movies about Wyatt Earp in it like: Kevin Costner, Bill Paxton and Mare Winningham to name a few.  There are three two-hour episodes as far as I can see. I am in the MIDDLE of episode two. When I get the podcast up and this posted I am going to lie down and start watching some again and I am 96.324586% sure I will fall asleep while watching it.

I have so much I want to say but most of it was discussed on the podcast so I don't want to preempt or postempt or whatever empt I would be empting if I emted myself. I understand preempting yourself too much can make you either get hairy palms or go blind or buy hairy blinds or some such nonsense. I think the name Harry Palms would be a pretty cool name. I always wanted to be called Tiki Sanders but I think Harry Palms might have to be an alias as well. Tiki Sanders could be my real name but my nam de plum could be Harry Palms.

I am going to go over and get the podcast stuff ready because the show itself is just about mixed and mixed-down so I have to get the other stuff done so I can get it up (way too easy). Thanks for stopping in and I will blog again tomorrow because tomorrow is my Sunday because this is my Saturday. Have a great day and night and I will blog atchya again on the morrow. TTTT...MITM (outta here to snooze)