Helos, Hogans & Likes Oh My!

Twas the day before Saturday and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even my mouse, when all of a sudden just above my roof, came a tremendous rumbling and the dog began to woof, I jumped from by bed where I had just started to sleep, to see Army Chinooks flying above me two deep, I would have been curious as I was just last year, to see military choppers flying so very near, but I remember last year when they just went and landed, about a mile from here where they got all un-manneded, trying to recruit for the Army I suppose so now I'm awake and today's blog I will post.

I remember last year just about this same time when these behemoths rumbled my windows and I jumped in the Mattmobile right after I said to myself, "atomic battery to power, turbines to speed, ready to move out" and chased the huge helos down to see them just chillin' in a field. It was cool but I thought it was President Obama or someone coming to town to maybe be on the Dirty Laundry Podcast or something and I wanted to be a proper welcoming committee. Maybe last year was just a decoy to set-up for this year's visit but I bet it is the same thing so if Mr. President shows up at the door I will greet him in my baby blue skivvies and white T-shirt. A third one juts flew over but I didn't look out - it probably says Marine One on the side but I will wait for him to come to me.

I was sleeping pretty well. I was listening to past podcasts trying to see where we can better the show (let me count the ways) and it was still playing when I awoke from the clatter. I had been up for 27 hours straight and was pretty tired. I had been feeling ill but during work last night I began feeling better. I had toyed with the idea to call in sick last night but I rarely do that so I thought I would just play hurt. I managed to be able to work outside all night and I think the constant excercise and the brisk December January February April. I think I may have been illin' because of my second Hepatitis B shot a couple of days ago. I feel better now but I have a slight crick in my necks from rising quickly to see if or house was being whisked away to Oz!

"are you my wife or my daughter?"

I guess there are naked photos of Hulk Hogan that may be made public soon. Or is it actually "photos of Hulk Hogan nude" since all photos are nude? Does anybody really want to see that? I am more concerned why his new very young wife looks just like his daughter Brooke. The nude photos supposedly are of him having sexual relations with an unidentified brown-haired woman. I really want to see the photos because my sources tell me that the woman was Cha Cha while she was in Cancun last week. Did I mention the Dirty Laundry Podcast? Two episodes ago (#57) Greg Weindorf and I discussed Cha Cha missing and not checking-in with her family. Now it all makes more sense. Something she will have to answer to on next week's show.

Why does the NFL draft have to take so long? I sorta understand because I have experienced several fantasy football drafts but most of them are drafting entire teams and these dudes are just picking up a few players. Everything has to be a much bigger deal than it needs to be. Speaking of big deals have you "liked" Dirty Laundry Podcast on Facebook yet? We currently have 92 "likers" and I would love to have at least 100.

I am getting very tired and think I am heading back to the rack and hope the choppers don't wake me up again. Sorry for all of the Dirty Laundry Podcast references but I thought it was funny and maybe I am wrong but using one of the most over-used phrases of the last two years -  at this point "it is what it is." Thank you for stopping in and for "liking" you know what. I appreciate you every day and I am happy for you that your weekend is now here. TTTM....MITM (out to count our "likes" - sorry)

Today It's About Assholes (partially) !

I am sick. I haven't been sick in awhile but I have recently been around a lot of people with colds and unfortunately these people seem to be the kind that like to share. I can always tell when I am getting really sick because my lower back aches. This time might be different because the backache might be from me hauling and stacking logs in the backyard yesterday and sawing wood. The wood-sawing didn't go too well. I rented a chainsaw and the wood is so solid that it took about ten minutes per cut even with a chainsaw. I resisted the urge to say that I was sawing logs because even though that is really what I was doing that now has a different meaning. zzzzzzz.

While I was stacking wood I was grilling steaks on the grill. It is the first time that I have grilled out this year. I also made my house-favorite roasted dill potatoes. I didn't pay too close attention to the grill with all of my toting and stacking and sawing and the steaks got a little more done than I had hoped - that is code for burnt. Luckily I caught them before they became charcoal and they were still delicious. While the potatoes were finishing up I smoked a cigar and drank my cheap wine right from the bottle. Maybe it's the cheap wine and cigar that is making me feel sick? It doesn't seem like that kinda sick though...coughing and stuffed up nose and, of course, the back ache.

I also managed to get the Dirty Laundry Podcast uploaded with the help of Cha Cha converting the file to the correct forMATT. For some reason when I upload it it uploads as am m4a and it needs to be an mp3. I don't have any idea what that means but the computer and Cha Cha are both a lot smarter than me so I will leave it to the adults to figure out that stuff.

Another of my projects yesterday, after taking down all of the dryer vent ducts and cleaning the lint out of them in the basement the previous day, was to put all of the ducts back in a row (couldn't resist) and tape them. I think I told you the other day that I couldn't find the duct tape around here so I had to buy more. The new duct tape I bought is much thinner than the old duct tape....a ruse to make us use more of it I am certain. I use duct tape all the time but while I was taping the ducts in the basement I thought to myself "self, I think this is the first time that we actually have used duct tape on actual ducts." To which I replied "I think you're correct self." It was actually difficult to find the silver tape over at Lowe's (Lowe's which I have a bitter dislike for but they were strategically located yesterday). They have many colors of duct tape now but I was actually taping something silver so I wanted the silver tape.

Wallets now in several colors

Yesterday when I was seasoning my house-famous dill potatoes (I wanted to call them dill taters there but I thought better of it but then I typed it here anyway so I guess I didn't totally think better of it) I used celery salt. Then I went to thinking like I sometimes do... when we put celery salt on celery is that like putting Parmesan cheese on a cheese sandwich or fondue? I checked the ingredients of celery salt while I was sprinkling and the ingredients are....get ready for it....: salt and celery. Can we actually eat celery salt by itself and it would be considered eating our vegetables?

While I was shopping yesterday and driving: around town, supermarket, meat market, Lowe's (did I mention I hate them?), rental place for the chainsaw, Fabio to driving school, gas station... I wondered, "have there always been this many asshole drivers around and I am just less tolerant today?" This maybe another sign that this is a cold that I have because I do become less tolerant when I am illin'. Speaking of assholes I noticed that all of the geese have hatched their baby assholes. Goslings are cute but too bad that they are going to grow up to be asshole geese. I know you have noticed that geese are assholes. 

While I was driving around I was listening to the Cardinals beat the Cubs and they were talking about "the seagulls flying over" the ballpark. Are they actually seagulls or are they Lake Michigan Gulls? There is not really a sea near Chicago but I think they are called seagulls but that does not make any sense to me. Maybe they should all just be called gulls and forget about the hierarchy of their gullness. Even gulls cannot seem to get along...they must be assholes like their cousins - geese.

More great Dirty Laundry Podcast pop art

On this week's podcast we mentioned that The Lost Sock sent us another great caricature and I just added it to the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page. There's a small copy of it right over there too. We also talked about a flyer for an upcoming art auction. If you remember a couple of week's ago Cha Cha read a letter written by the mother of a murdered girl (episode #56) I think we also mentioned the art show to help pay some of the expenses of the family during the trial (food, lodging, travel...) and that we would have a copy of the flyer there too. That flyer is also now on our Facebook page - while you're over there just click "like" even if you don't like us. We just like to think that we're liked.

I think I am going to lie down so I can feel well-enough to go to work. Thank you for stopping by and visiting me and for not being an asshole. If you're an asshole once in awhile that's okay but just don't make a habit of it. I am a great part-time asshole - just ask Cha Cha. TTTT...MITM (out)!

It's Like a Lint Menagerie!

I don't really feel like blogging today so, just like everything in life, I am going to do it anyway. Don't you sometimes envy people like Tom Hanks' character in Castaway? Or any of the people on Gilligan's Island? I wouldn't even mind being Lovie sometimes.

I am opening the first dryer lint art gallery soon

Yesterday I decided to take down all of the venting pipe (I am sure it has a better name than that) that leads from the dryer to the outside because the dryer wasn't drying properly. I first took the extensions off of the leaf-blower (lucky leaves) and hooked it up to the vent to see if that would do the trick first but nothing came out and I knew that there was still a problem inside. So I went to the basement and started taking down the Tin Man's arms from the ceiling of the basement. It made me really happy that out basement isn't finished. By the time I was done taking down all of the tubes I had completely filled a huge bag full of lint. Now I have to put the stuff back up today. I would have done it yesterday but I don't have any idea where the duct tape is. I wish I could yell at somebody about that but instead I am yelling at myself because I am sure it was I who took it somewhere and set it down and one day I will come across it (no joke inserted here) and say, "oh, that's right...I remember setting it there now." If you have a need for A LOT of dryer lint please let me know. I may save it for the fire pit.

Speaking of the fire pit - I have a new addiction. Yesterday after I took Fabio to Drivers' Ed. I was driving back across a couple of cornfields and thought to myself, "self, you are driving right by the place where you always get wood (too easy) so why don't you stop and get more wood." So, I stopped and filled the back of the 4-Runner with lost more wood. We have so much wood already that it's kinda ridiculous but I cannot stop. I gotta have wood. I know that we have a lot but we will get to the end of the summer and we'll be saying, "where did all of that wood go?"

I am having a hard time getting the Dirty Laundry Podcast up (unlike the wood). There is a problem with the way the file is loading and it is an M4A instead of an MP3 blah blah blah. I slipped it into Cha Cha's Dropbox and hopefully she will get a chance to look at it. Cha Cha's gotta Dropbox Matty never sleeps at night.  That's only because Matty usually sleeps during the day. I slept well last night after falling asleep but now I am still tired. Happily, I am off again today. Does anybody want to go to a movie today? I think I may drive over to Batavia to see a movie- they don't show MATTinees in this neck of the nape. I am not sure what to see though. How weird would I look going to see Chimpanzee alone? Maybe I will buy a ticket for The Three Stooges and go see Chimpanzee instead. When I heard that The Three Stooges was being made, about two years ago, I though it was going to be about the lives of the real dudes not another stupid Itchy and Scratchy movie. I would have preferred a movie about the their real lives.

Yesterday I was up for about 29 hours straight. That probably explains the boredom enough to fill a huge bag of lint and to gather wood for a house that doesn't even have a fireplace. I am still a bit tired and I may sleep shortly after everything dies down here. Fabio did not have school yesterday and today he doesn't start until 11-something. The Juniors are doing some testing so the entire rest of the school gets off one day and goes in late another day. It seems stupid to me but I am sure it makes sense to someone. I know I have to get duct tape and get that venting back up. Maybe I could just have the extra warm air blow in the basement and that would help save on the winter heating bill. The main drawback would be that we'd have LOTS of lint in the basement. Is that a drawback?

I just got told that I am "so sensitive." It was said to me as a bad thing. I actually think that my sensitivity is one of my strong-suits so if my strong-suit is a bad thing I think that I may problems. Hmmmmmm. Maybe I should see The Three Stooges afterall. Chimpanzee seems too sensitive.

I believe while I am out buying duct tape I am also going to rent a chainsaw unless I go to a movie or just come back and take a nap. My day-off options seem to know no bounds. Maybe if the lint gets outta hand the chainsaw may come in handy with that too. Have a nice day. It's almost your humpday which sadly is my Monday. Thank you for checking me out today and hit me up if you wanna see a flick or even hang-out in a bar on a rainy afternoon (or whatever today's weather might bring). The Cardinals-Cubs game in on this afternoon.... the bar might be a good idea now that I think of it. Congrats to the Cubs for breaking the Cardinals' streak of winning 16 straight series (or serieses or serieseses) which included the play-offs and the World Series...of course it would be the Cubs. TTTT...MITM (the Kraut is out without a doubt) TA!

World Peace Be With You!

Lucy-haters Anonymous President

It looks like it is going to be a sunny day. That was just supposed to be an innocent comment but when I just now wrote it it made me think that we should have Mooney days too. Yes, I am speaking of Theodore J. Mooney. I could always understand why Mr. Mooney got so upset; Lucy would have driven me to total insanity - I never really cared for Lucy Ricardo or Lucy Carmichael or Lucy McGillicuddy or even Lucille Ball. what is it with the name Lucy? Lucy Van Pelt drove me crazy too. I am trying to think of a Lucy that I have ever liked. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was a drug addict or something and she is about the only Lucy that I think I have liked. I cannot even think of another Lucy so I guess I Don't Love Lucys.

After yesterday's blog I decided that it is time to once again do what I need to do to get into shape and quit making excuses. Yesterday my entire day's menu consisted of: two Honey Crisp apples, a salad with lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, onions, peas and low-fat dressing, a bag of frozen peas (cooked so were they really frozen peas then?), two hard-boiled eggs and a bag of baby carrots and two weight Watchers cheese sticks. What is the deal with Honey Crisp apples? Are they pretty new or what? I cannot believe how many different varieties of apples there are but I don't remember Honey Crisps before the last year or so. They are the best but it is no secret because sometimes the store is out of them.

and also with you

Are you familiar with Metta World Peace? That is the new name of the Artest formerly known as Ron... ha ha, I crack myself up. His name used to be Ron Artest so I kinda did a little play on the artist/Artest thing. I love that I think that I am so clever but then I have to explain my cleverness in order to be clever - not too clever after all I suppose. Anyway, L.A. Lakers' Ron Artest legally changed his name to Metta World Peace in September. The Buddhist meaning of the name is "loving kindness and friendliness towards other." He said he changed his name to inspire youths. Do you think his loving kindnessness was inspiring youths when he violently elbowed Oklahoma City guard James Harden in the head and now Harden is seeing double and most-likely has a concussion. It's funny when a guy who has "World peace" on the back of his jersey is beating the hell out of people. I do not think he means what think that means. Do you suppose as he was elbowing him in the head he said, "World Peace be with you?"

Cha Cha and I recorded the new Dirty Laundry Podcast last night and I should have it up by this afternoon/evening. I will let you know when it's ready. I have lots to do today, including trying to get some sleep, so it may be later-on. I also have to go over and get another shot. Shot two of my Hepatitis B series of shots required by my job. I am really tired so it is gonna be a long day (TWSS) but it's my weekend so that tends to make unbearable thing bearable.

Last night I heard "gonna fly now" coming from Fabio's room. I went in there expecting to see Rocky Balboa doing push-up on his television but do you know what I saw? I saw Rocky Balboa doing push-ups with Mickey coaching him on his television. I have never been prouder as a father. Alright, that is a huge exaggeration but it did make me happy that he found Rocky by himself. He has never been open to my film suggestions and I know I had suggested Rocky in years past but it has been awhile so he found it by himself and was watching it. I will eventually ask him why he was watching Rocky but it doesn't matter why -  he said he was liking it so even better!!!! I think it's genetic.

I could not believe all of the women's phone numbers I got a couple of days ago. You ladies need to be careful throwing your numbers out willy nilly. I was just sitting in a chair all by myself and if I were some kind of perv (I mean really not just like the one I pretend to be sometimes) I could have gotten a couple of dozen phone numbers. I was sitting waiting while Fabio got his hair cut and girls were walking in and telling the lady behind the counter their names and phone numbers. We are all worried about identity theft but how about phone number theft? I play The Hair Cuttery for asking this and what the hell do they need that for anyway? Just cut my hair - I don't want you to call me for anything. Refuse giving your numbers ladies the next perv sitting there might be a real perv.

Alright, I am going to go get my shot and then come back and get things done around here. Have a great day and if you're bored give me a call I may be willing to drop everything for something more fun. Thank you for stopping by and be ready on Alert Five Stand-By to listen to the podcast when the word comes out. One if by pod and two if by computer. That sounded funnier in my head when I pictured Paul Revere shouting it. TTTT...MITM (OUT)!

What Kind of a Shitty Day is Today?

I am in a crappy mood. It is Sunday night as I write this and my bad mood is mainly because I am disgusted with myself. I had worked so hard to get into decent shape and now I am slowly making that all a waste of time. I have so many excuses to eat poorly and not workout so now I have to start making reasons to do the right things instead.

Writing the word "crappy" there it makes me wonder why I use certain animals' bowel movements for different situations. If something is really unfair that is bullshit but is something is just a little out-of-whack that is horse shit. I only use dog shit if I step in dog shit. I never talk about pig shit or fish shit. I think I would like to work camel shit and turtle shit into my feces repertoire.

We normally record the Dirty Laundry Podcast on Sundays but we were not able to record the show yesterday. I believe we will record it sometime this afternoon and I should have it up by Tuesday afternoon. There is still time to get your emails and your suggestions for new swear words in before then.

If the blog stops here you have not received all of it. Resfresh now and you will see the bonus behind-the scenes blog. Trying to write it on my iPod and then continuing here was not possible. I had done it before but they have changed things and now it is not possible. Aren't you tired of everyone redoing their softwares all of the time when it seems to work just fine? Everybody does it. Why do you suppose they do that all the time? Everything seems perfect and then they change it and nothing seems to change but they just change it to change it.

It is now Monday evening (5PM is considered evening right?) and I have to work in a couple of hours. I like working Mondays becasue Mondays are my Fridays. Seems bass ackwards but most of me is bass ackwards so it really is fass orwards in my world.

I wish I had written more when I started writing this last night because now that I pick it back up I just think about all of the things I should be doing - like recording a podcast. I am going to quit here because it's not fair to you to ramble-on about nothing. I will try to blog again tonight and publish it tomorrow so I give you what you pay for (don't worry - you don't really pay for this or most likely you wouldn't be here). Have a great Friday night (Frinight) Monday night (Monnight) and I will let you know when the podcast is finally up - probably on the morrow. TTTT...MITM (out)

If you don't have anything nice to blog about don't blog at all - so I am done! TA!

Just Another Pigeon-Toed, Buck-toothed Friday Blog

Great for picking up crumbs

I just looked out the window and saw my neighbor; I have always thought that he walks funny. I picture music that sounds like "doopty- doopty" in my head when I see him walk. I wonder if I walk funny. Sometimes I think I do. It doesn't really matter how we walk but nobody wants to walk funny unless they're wearing huge shoes. I know I walk funny without shoes on because I am sans a big toe but I wonder if I walk funny with shoes on. I think I walk with my feet pointed out a bit. I sometimes wish I was pigeon-toed because everybody I have ever known that walks pigeon-toed I think I have liked. I have never really paid attention to birds but I am sure pigeons must walk pigeon-toed or they wouldn't call it pigeon-toed right? Are all birds pigeon-toed? No matter how Walter Pidgeon walked he walked pigeon-toed or at the very least Pidgeon-toed. Now that I think of it I have always liked people who have walked bow-legged too. What is wrong with me. While I am thinking about it I have always found women who have over-bites or something slightly different with their teeth (like bucked-teeth or gapped-teeth) very sexy. I am going to have to start keeping better track of the abnormalities I enjoy. Maybe it's just individuality I like? Or is that pigeon-holing... Pigeons sure were popular at one time.

I heard that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may get married. I had no idea that they weren't already married. It is only a coincidence and I just now think about it as I write this that I mention Angelina Jolie right after I talk about people who walk differently. I am so glad that the Jolie-ing fad passed so quickly. That was standing and not walking though I suppose.

I heard the other day that if you had one million one dollar bills it would weigh exactly one ton. I don't know why I find that fact so cool. I think I would rather have 22 pounds of 100 dollar bills because that would also be $1,000,000 but would be easier to carry, I wonder how much $1,000,000 in quarters would weigh.

I thought I heard a car outside right now and I kinda panicked because I am blogging completely nude. I know for a fact that I blog much differently when I am nude even though I think this may be the first time I have done it. The main difference is that when I don't blog nude I cannot honestly write that I am blogging nude. Maybe we should do a nude podcast sometime but I will probably wait until we get a buck-toothed front-gapped, pigeon-toed Super Model as a guest before I play that card. Is Taye Diggs pigeon-toed? Nevermind... he has perfect teeth.

The United States Secret Service prostitution scandal is getting entertaining. One of agents that was fired, David Randall Chaney, who was in charge of protecting Sarah Palin during the 2008 Presidential campaign, was quoted as saying, "I was really checking her (Palin) out, if you know what I mean?" I am not really sure what he means but I know what it implies I think. It would be pretty funny if he is related to Dick Chaney for a few reasons. Prostitution is legal in Columbia and these guys were presumably off-duty so I am not really sure how I feel about this. I think prostitution is bad because it generally seems to prey on the people who are prostituting themselves but I am not sure if I am just saying that because it is the politically-correct thing to say or it's what I really believe. I think I could be easily swayed one way or another on the issue. Unfortunately, in most cases, it seems that some people are forced into prostitution and they don't reap the financial benefits of their "labors." I am pretty sure I am against it. It also probably spreads disease and it seems to me, from the movies mainly, that drugs and guns and violence follow it. That's pretty much true with anything where large amounts of money are exchanged - like government!

I was thinking last night, because it was on my TO DO list to think at least once yesterday, that there needs to be some new swear words. On this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast I am going to try to introduce some new swear words that we can use before they become main-stream and we have to stop using them on the podcast without an EXPLICIT labeling. I do not have any in mind right now but that is my self-imposed project between now and Sunday afternoon. If you have any ideas for new swear words please send them to me and I will give you full credit on the podcast (unless you want anonymity and then I will provide that for you - Secret Service Style ;) ) Please send them to me at dirtylaundrybag@gmail.com How else will new swear words get invented if we don't do it? If you want something done right you've gotta do it yourself.

Though I sat down to write this blog with nothing in mind (like I spend most of my time) it seems that it turned down the one-track that I often spend most of my time on pretty quickly. It must be the right track though because I have often been told that I am on the right track. If I'm on the right one why do I need another one? Thank you for spending time here with me on this track and for listening to what I had to type (actually it just sounds like keys clicking if you translate it into sound). I always appreciate you being here and I appreciate all of the kind words yesterday about the blog "being back." Bloggy Got Back! Have a great Friday night and an even greater weekend.  TTTT...MITM (out waiting for your new swear words with bated breath - what is bated breath anyway? - you know my mind already went to that one-track again and now so did yours with me as the Engineer) TA!

My Day at the DMV (SOS)!

Happy Thursday to you and to me Unhappy Monday! I really miss the days when I loved Thursdays and hated Mondays.

I believe I shall!!!

Yesterday I posted my Facebook status as: "Illinois is the most F'd-up state in the entire union! I have to figure out if I prefer: cheese, corn, river boats, fireworks or banjo music before I decide which bordering state to move to!!!! Missouri is currently leading the contest mainly because of the Cardinals and Hannibal. Get your resumes to me ASAP!" That was even before I went over to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). Is it just a coincidence that DMV and DMZ (De-militarized Zone) are so close? I think - NO! I was doing something for the Fiat (I cannot say specifically because it is a surprise and I will tell you here eventually). It wasn't actually FOR the Fiat because I am very aware that there are very few vehicles like Herbie the Love Bug! Anyway, the thing I needed to do required entering the names on the title on a computer website (no, it is not a car dating service though the Fiat is really cute and nice and feisty and would be a great catch for some lucky car but she is still very young). When I entered the information it kicked it back saying there was a problem with the information that I entered and I did it again and again and got the same results... what is the definition of insanity again? So it prompted me to call the Illinois State Department of Motor Vehicles. I called them and was treated as rudely as you might imagine. I do not take kindly to that sort of thing so it escalated and I will probably get audited in the near future because I am sure I am now red-flagged within my state. So, I decided to go to the love SOS (Secretary of State) office with Cha Cha and car title in-hand. Incidentally, the irony of our Secretary of State's acronym being SOS is not lost on me. I always like when you go there and they say you can just make your check out to SOS because we are not dumb enough - we cannot even attempt to spell OF. I always spell out the entire thing even though they say to just write SOS... who in the hell doesn't take Visa  these days with everybody using debit cards.... an asshole state who doesn't give a crap about their constituents!!! So, as I sparred with the lady behind the counter about our title being wrong the line built up behind us because she was the only person back there and nobody came to help becasue "we are the SOS and we can do whatever we want and you have to take it!!!!" Yes, I am getting myself riled-up again. Long story not quite as long as it could be... After blaming us and then the car dealership she finally found out through microfilm or microfiche that it was the SOS that SUCKS and then I said, "I guess maybe you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so quickly huh?" I am sure I embarrassed Cha Cha and Splenda but I knew all of those people in line were cheering in their minds. The old battle axe needed a dressing-down and I was just the pissed-off guy to do it. I even have it in writing that the SOS SCREWED-UP because she gave me a copy of the letter she sent to Springfield with our title to be corrected...I guess Homer Simpson runs our DMV which explains a lot. The problem on the title was that My last name was correct HELSER but Cha Cha's was HEISER. All of this aggravation over a cyclops (that was an attempt at a corny one eye joke).  

Yes, I did hear that the Springfield in The Simpsons in in Oregon.

My back is killing me today and I just now realized it is from hauling wood yesterday. I am very tempted to tell an off-color joke but will just say that I am very tempted to tell one and maybe the one you'd tell is better than mine and I can get credit for it anyway. Wood for the fire-pit in the back yard.

I always thought it would be cool to be a United States Secret Service Agent but now wit the stuff that is going on in the news about the position I really regret not pursuing that a little harder. Maybe I was on that path at one time - not really sure. I was already sworn-in and scheduled to go to Fort McClellan, Alabama for basic training as a military police officer when I was still in high school but then I got my toe chopped off and then they didn't want me any more. Secret Service agents get added benefits that we didn't even know about (assumed but didn't know). I would have liked to have been a Secret Service Agent for Bill Clinton... can you imagine that? So now this is going to be a part of the Presidential election even though the President has nothing to do with what they do while they are off work, nor does he have anything to do with them while they are on work other than to listen to them about security issues. I cannot believe there would be anything illegal like prostitution in a country like Columbia so the story must be false. George W.'s Secret Service sucked... remember he had two shoes thrown at him? After the first shoe was fired how do they let a second SHOE-TER get one off. (I think it was the same Shoe-ter or maybe there was only one show but I am pretty sure there were two shoes). I checked my sources (YOUTUBE) and there was, in fact, only one shoe fired... Good job boys/girls of the SS (not the Nazi one but the U.S. Secret Service one).

I have blabbed-on long enough and have to get caught-up on my Words With Friends and do the laundry and clean the kitchen...I have already been to the grocery store... and then I have to go to work. I think working for the Secret Service would actually be like Club Med sometimes (with benefits). Have a great day and thank you for reading this so I keep doing it. TTTT...MITM (out - RIP Dick Clark - seemed like a great guy especially considering that he could have owned the whole world).

The Blogging Strike is Over!!!

Hit it Roz
I haven't been here for quite awhile so it is weird even blogging right now. I had been blogging every day for a couple of years and I don't know if doing it so much was burning me out or I don't find the joy in it anymore or people aren't reading it as much so I don't care as much or I am just plain tired all the time but I decided to write today. Since not as many are reading it I felt that I wasn't letting people down by not writing so I took a break. I still take notes for the blog constantly but now I use most of those notes for the podcast. Maybe I felt over-exposed? It's difficult to explain mainly because I am not really sure what it is. I also not even sure if it is over.

I don't know if you have heard the Dirty Laundry Podcast this week but Cha Cha left the country and I did not speak to her for about five days. I wasn't even sure if she reached her third-world destination. Then yesterday she arrived back in this country, after spending hours trying to get through customs, and late last night Splenda came home. Right now, even though three of the four of us are sleeping, we are all under the same roof again for a very short time. Fabio goes to school in about an hour and Splenda heads to San Diego this afternoon to watch her boyfriend's Marine Corps graduation (I know it has a better name than that but you know what I mean). Having all of us here together makes me very happy but it also makes me think that I am lonely and depressed most of the time now. How can I be lonely when I am rarely physically alone? I am not really sure if lonely is even a bad thing. Lonely just has a really bad press agent. I guess I will embrace my loneliness until I turn to liquor.

While Cha Cha was gone and I was fearing the worst because I hadn't heard from her I got an incoming call from 800-555-1212 (not a joke). I recognized the number as the toll-free directory assistance telephone number and when I answered it it got disconnected. With all of the podcasts about ghosts and conspiracies... and my extremely active imagination I knew it was Cha Cha calling from "the other side." I called it back and just got the usual recording about looking up a number for it and I hung-up.

It's ironic that since I am lonely I am getting tired of Words With Friends. Maybe I am becoming anti-social and it's not loneliness I am feeling but rather guilt?

I'm not big on tattoos but this is funny!

I saw a black guy the other day with his arms filled with tattoos and I wondered, " why don't people with darker skin get white or yellow or beige tattoos?" If I were going to spend all of that money for tattoos I would make sure people could see them!

I was just downstairs making Fabio's lunch and it dawned on me that maybe I was lonely from not writing the blog. Maybe I need to get my thoughts out even if it's just on paper/screen. I may have been going Matt mad while I wasn't blogging. I may not have to actually physically but I just need to get my thoughts out of my head? My thoughts are poisoning me. I am going to go with that and if I do go mad maybe at least these blogs will help people investigate how mattness madness occurs. 

Did you hear that Tom Petty had five guitars stolen? The news reports made it sound like Petty's show would not go on. Come on! Tom Petty probably has a truck outside with 5,000 guitars in it. even if not the local Guitar Center or mom and pop guitar store would love to give him guitars for his show for the free-press and photo opportunities (ops) alone. As soon as I heard the report I wondered... "would that be considered a Petty Crime or Petty Larceny?' I haven't heard anything else about it so I am sure the show went-on. why is that even national news? SLOW NEWS DAY? 24-HOUR NEWS CYCLE? OMG - funny thought alert - if they stole his piano would it have been Grand Larceny?

When I worked at newspapers and in television news it was before the 24-hour news cycle and we had a hard time filling the news occasionally. I cannot even imagine trying to do it now. That's why they are scaring the crap out of us all of the time.

Okay - I have to wrap this up but I believe I will start blogging again. If you haven't listened to the podcast please do. If you're lonely and need to hang-out with someone or go to lunch or don't want to watch a movie alone I am available most days and my rates are cheap (free, actually). Consider it an act of charity because you'd be doing it for me more than for you.  Thanks a lot for your patience during the blogger's strike / hiatus. I appreciate you being here and hope to rekindle our  daily ritual. TTTT....MITM (out once again)

Soon To Be Famous (one way or another)!!!!

Welcome home sir, your bedroom is ready

Hello and happy Thursday (Monday). Sorry if you were looking for a blog yesterday but Cha Cha had to have a surgery (nothing major so not to worry) and my services were required elsewhere. The patient is doing okay (just short of fine). When we got home I worked on Fabio's new bedroom. So, he goes on a ten day Bahamian/Virgin Islands cruise and he comes home to a brand new bedroom - it's like he's Mr. Deeds or something. He must have great parents.

Last night Cha Cha and I were sitting down eating our salads and watching the St. Louis Cardinals play beat the Miami Marlins and I said to her, "hey, turn on channel 9 and see if WGN is back on." I had a hunch, out of nowhere, that the station would be back on. She flipped it over and the station was back. After wondering why I had that feeling I realized, while watching baseball, there is NO WAY that WGN is going deny thousands of Chicago Cubs fans the torture of watching their team not make the World Series again. The official report says, "the two companies said late Wednesday that they had struck a deal that will allow DirecTV Inc. to carry all of Tribune Broadcasting's local stations and WGN America for the next five years. Terms were not disclosed." It doesn't really matter who buckled all that matters is that whatever cost was incurred will be passed along to we viewers eventually. Late Wednesday night....the night before the Cubs' season opener...curious (NOT)!

Maryland's recent Mega Millions winner

Remember that $600,000,000 lottery way back last week? I guess there were three winners and the person who claims to have been one of the three winners has not produced a ticket yet. I would not have produced a ticket yet either but I also would not have come forward until I was prepared to produce the ticket. I would get all of my ducks in a row and then come forward with my team of legal beagles with the ticket and then disappear shortly thereafter to never be seen or heard from again on this planet except by those of you who I love when a car drove up to your home with $1,000,000 for you and a ride to the airport to come celebrate for the weekend with me. Could someone really be crazy enough to try to manipulate the media into courting her and not even have won the lottery? That would be genius and these salivating piranha would deserve it. Let them fly her all over and put her up in the fanciest hotels and take her to the fanciest restaurants just to find out in a month or so that she never even won the lottery. I have a whole scenario worked out in my head obviously. Then, when she ends up coming clean, she will be able to do it all over again when they want to have her on their shows again to discuss why/how she got away with something like this....I really hope I am right because after all of that is over then she should come on Dirty Laundry Podcast. You knew I would work that in there somewhere didn't you? The story even gets better, though. She works at a McDonald's near Baltimore and she and her coworkers went-in on a bunch of tickets together, and she was the purchaser of said tickets, but she said the one that she won on was purchased separately from the ones she pooled with her co-workers.

We got asked if we would be open to putting Dirty Laundry Podcast on a radio network (no kidding). I, of course, said we would be interested but I do not know too much more than that at this point. The network that is courting us is dedicated to mostly independent music and we do play music and it is all from independent artists so I think we would be a good match and perhaps it is yet another stepping-stone in podcasting immortality but we are happy with the way the show is and we are not going to give-up any creative control. I only said "we would be interested" and maybe nothing will come of it but with being mentioned/linked in the newspaper this week and now this makes me think that we are actually onto something. It's fun pretending to be using my radio/television college education anyway. They never once mentioned podcasting when we were in college...we are pioneers! Eight years of college down the drain? NO!


I just remembered that I bought $4 worth of Mega Millions tickets for Tuesday's drawing. I think it was worth like $14,000,000 for a single winner but when I went to the store and impulsively bought the tickets I thought "this is exactly when Charlie Bucket found his Golden Ticket." I haven't opened the Wonka Bar yet checked the numbers yet but this would be a great time to win because with all of the hooplah going on with the big one from last week I would go relatively unnoticed. 

Thank you for stopping-by so I have a reason to ramble. "R-A-M-B-L-I-N apostrophe Ramblin'!" I hope you have a really great day. Do something nice for yourself - you deserve it...you know that I'm right! TTTT...MITM (off to check my golden ticket and put some pants on) TA!

Fame is almost here - you better latch-on now!!!!

You are about one of ten people that will be reading this so I am writing to you specifically. I appreciate you stopping here when you can and to Helser with all of the people who don't. I just got home from work and my weekend has started. It's so weird how a day like Tuesday can change from one of the crappiest days in your mind until it becomes your Saturday and then it's about the most awesome day of the week. It's Tuesday I'm in love! Lost of people listen to the podcast but few read the blog anymore. I guess if I would have people check one out it would be the podcast. You can listen to that one on the go and this you have to commit ten minutes to sitting and reading and we all know that print is dead. For you, who I love the most - you were always my favorite - and read I will include a link to a story that the Dirty Laundry Podcast was in in the newspaper. I know it's not a huge thing but it's pretty cool to me and makes me feel like people are starting to recognize us. I say that even though I know for a fact that people listen to the podcast all over the world (at least 67 countries now) so I guess we are recognized.

In case you haven't listened to the latest Dirty Laundry Podcast it is our one-year anniversary episode and we have world-famous filmmaker John Borowski on the show. You may not know him very well now but you will and he already has two films on Netflix that you can check out right now on streaming" Albert Fish: In sin He Found Salvation and H.H. Holmes: America's First Serial Killer. They are both also available on Hulu and iTunes. I would start with H.H. Holmes because Albert Fish is a lot more "edgie" and is more of an acquired taste (pun intended); I love both of the films and cannot wait to for his upcoming film Carl Panzram's premiere tentatively in July...I have never been to a movie premiere and I am pretty excited...maybe we can give away some passes to the premiere on the podcast. Maybe DiCapria will be there?

Last night at work I got to work outside all night; it was great. I saw six deer (fawns, I guess) and they walked up to within ten feet of me. I saw dozens of rabbits and a coyote. I prefer to call them kaiyotes! I don't really but I am going start now because I think that it's cool.

Sunday is Easter I think. Fabio will be coming home from The Bahamas and The Virgin Islands that day (both the French and the American ones). I have always wanted to go to all of those places and never have been able to. We always want the best things for our kids and I am really happy he got to do this. Splenda got to go to Costa Rica when she was younger and I hope they both have traveling hearts. I love traveling and am stoked that they do too. Splenda is going to San Diego in a couple of week's and  Cha Cha is going to Cancun. I think I may be going to Sweden later this afternoon - actually I think I am going to IKEA but a Matt has to have an imagination. If you're going to be in the Schaumburg area later-on let me know and maybe I will buy you some Swedish meatballs. Or we could go somewhere else instead.

I am going to get a bit of shut-eye and get caught up on my Words With Friends - I have a commitment to these people and daggumit I am not going to let them down. Thank you very much for stopping in and thank you very much for listening to the podcast and/or giving it a try today. You are doing your acts of kindness today.

We still have no WGN but the channel line-up on the TV still lists what they have on even though it's not there I think that is so cool and ....WGN, you will not be missed. TTTT...MITM (out - naturally)

The Best Blog I Have Ever Written Today!

Man, is it Friday already? The answer, surprisingly is YES!!!! What is you Monday is my Friday. I never thought that Monday's would be one of my favorite day of the week. They used to always get me down but I have always liked rainy days so now Rainy Days and Monday's NEVER Get Me Down!

Yesterday was a pretty good day too. We recorded the one-year anniversary load of Dirty Laundry Podcast. We had a couple of very special guests in Kajunkles Studio. We had world-renown filmmaker John Borowski in the studio along with publisher Charles D. Moisant. I have been a huge fan of Borowski's for several years and was overcome with joy when he agreed to be on the show. I will edit the show this morning and hopefully get it up (TWSS) by noon or so. If you have not listened to the podcast yet first, shame on you and second, this is one to catch. John turned out to be a great guy, as I had hoped that he would. I can not think of a better person to have as our anniversary guest than him. He looks a lot different now (better now) than he does in that photo but he discusses about when he won that award on the podcast so I thought it was a pretty cool photo to include. I will let you know when the show is ready but a sure-fire way to be one of the first to find out is to "like" Dirty Laundry Podcast on Facebook.

It's weird that it's April 1st already.... April Fool's it's April 2nd...I so got you! HA!

Usually on weekday morning I turn on the news to see what they want me to be afraid of - it never works try as they might. I turned on the news this morning and one of the channels is missing. We have Direct TV and they have been running a thing, as has WGN-TV, on the programming for a week or so about how if they did not come to some kind of agreement WGN would not be on the air starting April 1st. Well, I guess it was no April Fools' joke because they are off the air. I don't really care -  we have a hundred other channels. WGN's commercial last week about them maybe not being on this week said that we would "miss shows like... Kelly Live! and Two and a Half Men; no wonder they are gone. Reruns of Two and a Half Men is why we should keep watching WGN?  The only thing I will miss on the stupid-station super-station is when The St. Louis Cardinals play The Chicago Cubs. Love me some St. Louis Cardinals. Seriously there is absolutely nothing I will miss with WGN being gone. Will be get something else cool instead on channel 9? If not we should get some money off becasue we are at least one channel down. I want 1/32nd of a cent off each month or whatever that would be!

Are there seriously even eight sets of quadruplets in the entire world even? I could have thought of so many more funny things to do with quadruplets than this stupid video but quadruplets all together is pretty funny in i self I guess. I think maybe having them lined up all in a line with four different facial expressions would have been funnier even. Have four of them in a row one looking scared, one sad, one happy and one surprised? Four on four basketball would have been funny. Golf foursomes? How about foursquare? Maybe a life-sized chessboard? Quadruplets wasted....the story of my life! Each have a different direction on their shirts -  N, S, E, W.? I would think harder and do better if I were going to line-up a film crew in Central park I think.

Alright I have a lot of editing to do so I had better get to it. Have a great Friday Monday. It's still weird not having any children in the house - that's not a call to babysit but thanks for the offer. Thanks for stopping in today because my readership is dwindling but maybe now that WGN is gone I can fill that void - my prediction is that it will be back so you can watch your Uncle Charlie (not William Demarest - but that whack job one. TTTT (but listen to the podcast later)...MITM (out)