Why Am I Here?

My name is Matt Helser. I am a middle-aged man of middle height (5'9"), newly middle weight (189 lbs.), living a middle class life, in the middle of America (Illinois). I had always thought that I was smart but as I am becoming older I realize I am probably somewhere in the middle intellectually too. I usually see both sides of most issues so I often am a middle man. You get the picture...I am a boring average guy - makes you really want to read a blog doesn't it? I don't know who would want to read my blog but MySpace and Facebook have shown us that people want to read anything and connect with everyone about everything so...HERE I AM...connect with me!

I was recently laid-off from my job of 16 years. I worked in construction management, middle management of course, and with the slow housing market I was let go. I have been off work for about 10 months. I do work part-time doing customer service I guess you'd call it at sporting events, concerts...at a local sports venue. I don't want to name it because I'm probably not supposed to and being Middle Man I try to go by most of the rules; playing it safe in the middle. I have an 18-year-old daughter that is going to college next year and a 13-year-old son who is in 7th grade and plays basketball and baseball. I have been married to my college sweetheart (Jill) for 22 years. Though I do not consider any of my family members middle or average we are: husband/wife/daughter/son/dog - average-sized (middle) family as I guess it would be.

With me being out of work Jill figures I am or will become depressed because I have a male ego (comes with being a male I suppose) and I should channel my feelings toward the new-aged high tech shrink known as blogging. She didn't put it that way - it was more like "you should start a blog" as a sort of "support group" with other guys who are out of work. Isn't that what the bar and golf course are for? But we just watched the movie Julie and Julia which actually sparked the idea for her. I have always loved writing - was the news editor of my college paper (kind of a middle editor) and I write in a journal while I'm waiting between my son's basketball games or waiting in an airport... I have tried several time to write books and movie scripts but somewhere always stop somewhere in the middle...this middle thing is becoming kinda monotonous so I will stop because you have the point by now. (side note - I really liked the movie Julie and Julia - I am a movie buff and I love "chick-flicks" - I am probably 47% chick which is why I get along so well with women, probably better than I do with men.

I don't want to make these blogs too long and become boring to read. I want people to be interested and to come back and share their experiences and advise with me too so I will make it a "stay tunes for the next episode of..." kind of a thing. Leaving a cliff-hanger? I will offer cooking advise, movie reviews, parenting tips, my pursuit of work...pretty much my views on anything and everything.

So my wife knows, because even though I am 47% estrogen the part that is testosterone won't let me share my feelings, I am depressed most of the time but that is just part of being a male of our species. It just becomes worse when you aren't doing what America makes us believe we should do - be the bread winner for our family. I am very proud of Jill and all the hard work she does and I do not have a problem with her being the bread-winner. I do however, want to do my share and it's going to take some getting used to for me to realize that my share might just be being "dad's taxi", doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and the things that were historically, in America, women's work. I take it as a great compliment to be compared to women; they have worked harder than men (at least as hard) for centuries and have quietly let us think we were so great. Women have been called the fairer sex. I believe it to be true in more ways than the one intended. We don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies - enough said!

In my next blog I will talk about why it is harder to be a man than it ever has been before (at least in my lifetime) and how my recent weight loss has made things better and, ironically, worse. (That's my cliff-hanger - how could losing weight make things worse?)