Paul Bunyan Must Die!

I like my new blog format (forMatt) of firing off small snippets from my trusty notepad. I don't want people to get bored with my blogs and this way I am PC (politically correct) with the people with ADD (attention deficit disorder). If the mood strikes me while I fire I can turn it into a mild skirmish or escalate it into a war if I choose.

Locked and loaded and firing at will (who is Will and why is everybody always firing at him?).

I Pass rocks. I have had kidney stones twice and this should be the slogan for that affliction but I think I was writing this while using my I-PASS through Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. The middle states making it fast and easy to spend your toll money...kind of like impulse driving.

At the Cavaliers game they gave kids boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as noise-makers - great idea. (*I Love Kraft Foods - ;)) Anyway, when we got back to the hotel my son was hungry so...I went down to the the breakfast buffet that was partially ready for the following morning and borrowed a cereal bowl. I made Kraft Macaroni and Cheese in a mini Mr. Coffee in our room using straws as utensils. He loved it! Let me know if you need the procedures/recipe but you could probably manage it on your own. Thinking outside of the box (Kraft pun). Wow - that could be a great Ad campaign for Kraft (patent pending). I could start my own ad agency - Helser/Costanza Advertising!

Gas is 30 cents cheaper in Toledo (just a coincidence that it follows Kraft)

Stopping for gas in the Middlewest and saw a guy stealth-fully trying to check out the girl's butt at the pump next to him. Why do we guys think we are so slick in checking out ladies' butts and BOOBS? They know we are doing it. Remember, they are a lot smarter that we are so give it up. Just look and get about your business. Why do we find the derrière so fascinating anyway? It's very important for its main purpose but doesn't that actually make it less appealing? BOOBS are milk and we're always thirsty I get that one but what's with the butt?

I am more of an eyes, heart and personality guy. I consider these the artwork and the legs, butt and BOOBS just the frame. Some people buy art for the frame I suppose but I always appreciate the art. You can always get a new frame but art endures. Maybe that's where the term "nice frame" comes from?

Jill and I bought fit balls (those big inflatable excercise balls) at Target for $8.00 each. They really seem to work but no need to pay $30 - $40 for them...I look like a moron with my dumbbells sitting on my ball but I'll be a fit moron (dumbbell).

Unemployment makes me re-examine everything about myself. I question everything I thought I knew...Tiger Woods made me think of this when in his, what I will call his Jesse James interview with ESPN, he said he "had to examine / revisit (his) core values." I guess I have been doing that off and on for ten months and it is making me a better person again. My last job turned me into a jerk and I have been going through jerk detox but I think I am back to being the decent person I am...thank goodness I have a Sugar Momma! Not everybody in my situation has that to cushion the blow. Thanks Jill for being so patient and supportive of my fragile male ego.

Don't go in the hot tub before a seven hour drive - too relaxed.

I really miss my daughter. She left for Costa Rica on Friday and the last we had contact was when she boarded her connecting flight in Atlanta saying "my last text in America for a week! Goodbye! I'll miss you!" (great, now I'm all teary-eyed trying to type). There was a phone-tree with the school so we know she made it safely to Costa Rica but that's it. No contact for 6 days. I guess this is a kind of spring training for us for when she goes to college. She's one of the most special people on the planet. She is kind with a huge heart and she and I...I am starting to cry again so I will stop...I will be blubbering like a baby during our daddy/daughter dance when she gets married. I will let you know when tickets go on sale for that.

This is getting long and DISCOMBOOBULATED so I will stop for today. Plus I am getting my teeth cleaned today so I have to brush 100 times and floss for the first time since my last cleaning.

Tomorrow I head to the Wisconsin Dells (upper-Middlewest) for the Matt In The Middle Blog Promotional Tour. Bring your copies to The Wilderness Lodge and I will gladly autograph them for you and you will probably be part of my next blog. While there I will take in some seventh grade travel basketball (Go Dekalb Bulldogs!) as I am a fine connoisseur of the arts (eyes, hearts and personalities). I wish it were closer so we could ride our bikes. I guess the team is eating breakfast at Paul Bunyan's on Sunday. I can't wait to tell you how I manage not to over-eat there, HA. Maybe having to answer to you, my friends, will actually help me beat the crap out of Paul Bunyan!

Oh, by the way, I named my I-POD. Her name is Roz (figure it out).

Blog you tomorrow before the Middlenorth expansion!