Thanks little dudes from across the computer screen that keep tuning in. Writing Navin Johnson's name yesterday made me think, "Step right up and read some crap!"
Jill and I went to PetSmart the other night to get Maisy's dog food. I stood in the aisle trying to pick out all the flavors that I thought she'd like: Thanksgiving Feast, Blue's Stew, Chicken Pot Pie, Backyard BBQ... Dogs eat their own feces yet I am worried about different flavors. The insanity dawned on me at the checkout when the lady in front of me just had a case of all the same flavor.
I am writing again thanks to my new writing friend. I have to come up with a name/title for him/her. We are both trying to complete screenplays by April 15th to enter a screenplay writing contest. I had a couple of "treatments" that I had partially done and after leaving them sit for awhile and going back to them I have new ideas for one in particular that I am very excited about and am working on. Jill and I went on a walk last night and she gave me some great ideas too. I even woke up this morning with my book on my chest like the good ol' days.
A writer writes, always!
Speaking of writing are there such things as pen-pals anymore or is it only Facebook friends? No wonder the post office is trying to eliminate Saturdays as I write this online rather than mailing it out every day.
Speaking of closing one day a week the schools are talking about going to a four-day school week. That would put a tremendous strain on the parents in this country that actually are working five days a week. It opens up business opportunities for those of us who are not, however. I can open a Daddy After School Care.
This made me think that if we're going to change things how about changing schools so they have winter breaks rather than summer breaks? Snow days, dead ! I think summer breaks were probably started so the kids could help in the fields with the crops like in Little House on the Prairie. We're past those days with all the modern equipment... As long as I'm ranting...let's get rid of Daylight Savings Time. Ben Franklin was onto something when he came up with this in the 1700's so the farmers had more daylight to tend to their chores but have you seen the rigs the farmers drive now? Lights that would light up Dallas Cowboy Stadium, heat, air conditioning, GPS so they barely have to drive, stereo systems; I live in DeKalb so I've seen these beasts blocking the roads while I'm trying to drive and text - they're very cool but make changing our clocks unnecessary. Changing clocks, dead!
Thank you to my yet untitled writing friend and all of my pen-pals here. Not only am I getting back to what I love I am also starting to believe in myself again. Being out of work and this blog have become the reboot of life. I was trapped in a world with the dangling carrot that kept moving ahead of me. Thank you to all of the people who contact me on here and on my Facebook because of here; I really appreciate all of the screenplay and book ideas. All of them have been fantastic and will be used. I feel like I am already working on my speech for when I win "The Oscar for Best Screenplay By A Blogger" goes to...
My notebook is full but I will stop here. I already have stuff to write tomorrow this way unless I destroy my notebook again. It was probably because of a guy like me that computers are backed-up now. I need to back-up my notepad.
Thank you for being a "follower" and/or reader...it means a lot to me!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
28 days has September, April, June, et al
April is almost here and it’s approaching 11 months without a job. Maybe I have been looking in the wrong places. Maybe I need to find several part-time jobs rather than one full-time job. That whole going to college thing really isn’t paying off right now. I have one part-time job now and maybe with two more I would be working full-timeish. There’s also a fine-line I need to walk in order not to mess up my unemployment benefits. It’s seemed like either all or nothing but beggars (let’s hope it doesn’t come to that) can’t be choosers. Fortunately for our family Jill has always carried our health insurance because her work has great insurance. I really feel for people who have that obstacle to face every day too. I'm glad the government is trying to help these people.
By writing this blog I am trying to pursue my passion for writing again; maybe that college thing will pay off in a sense. Partially because of writing this blog an old friend and I, who is also interested in writing, are going to begin to bounce our creative ideas off of one another and see where that can lead us. He/she (mysterious, huh?) and I are going to become each other’s muses of sorts after he/she contacted me partially, I believe, because of this blog. It was his/her idea to inspire and motivate one another and I couldn’t be more excited. I am hopeful and optimistic that something will come of this meeting of the minds; I hope I meet the minimum requirements - having a mind worth meeting. It’s kind of sad how we fall away from our passions to do jobs we really don’t like because we get caught up in what society tells us we should want. I wish I had just followed what I loved and let the compensation come later if at all. Our society makes us to believe that we should do a certain thing and be at a certain stage so we get off track to obtain their ideals of what is right by the time we get to the middle stages of our lives. I wish I had just been a hobo and ridden the rail writing about my adventures but then I wouldn't have all this "stuff". Has Navin Johnson taught us nothing?
Ok, so I have said I would discuss my 28-day theory. I have not really investigated it much but I believe the cycle of life and existence was originally intended to be focused around a 28-day calendar. The women’s cycle is 28 days and I firmly believe that male cycles follow the same pattern though we don’t have the same obvious external signs. (I have begun marking my inaccurately-numbered calendar to start my study). Rulers throughout history have added days to the calendar here and there to honor themselves or to make their harvests easier or whatever and the calendar has become what it is today. I think that February is the only month that is still as the cosmos had intended. Now that I actually put this in writing I am going to have to investigate this theory more and I will let you know what I find. Help me by letting me know anything that you think of that either supports or debunks my theory. Women are the givers of life and it would make sense that MOTHER nature would honor that thankless task. If we'd had followed the women since the beginning maybe we wouldn't have all the problems we have today.
Time to wake the troops and start making lunches... Have a great day on what should be April 2nd because I don't believe in March 29th or 30th. I'll bug you again tomorrow if you'll let me.
By writing this blog I am trying to pursue my passion for writing again; maybe that college thing will pay off in a sense. Partially because of writing this blog an old friend and I, who is also interested in writing, are going to begin to bounce our creative ideas off of one another and see where that can lead us. He/she (mysterious, huh?) and I are going to become each other’s muses of sorts after he/she contacted me partially, I believe, because of this blog. It was his/her idea to inspire and motivate one another and I couldn’t be more excited. I am hopeful and optimistic that something will come of this meeting of the minds; I hope I meet the minimum requirements - having a mind worth meeting. It’s kind of sad how we fall away from our passions to do jobs we really don’t like because we get caught up in what society tells us we should want. I wish I had just followed what I loved and let the compensation come later if at all. Our society makes us to believe that we should do a certain thing and be at a certain stage so we get off track to obtain their ideals of what is right by the time we get to the middle stages of our lives. I wish I had just been a hobo and ridden the rail writing about my adventures but then I wouldn't have all this "stuff". Has Navin Johnson taught us nothing?
Ok, so I have said I would discuss my 28-day theory. I have not really investigated it much but I believe the cycle of life and existence was originally intended to be focused around a 28-day calendar. The women’s cycle is 28 days and I firmly believe that male cycles follow the same pattern though we don’t have the same obvious external signs. (I have begun marking my inaccurately-numbered calendar to start my study). Rulers throughout history have added days to the calendar here and there to honor themselves or to make their harvests easier or whatever and the calendar has become what it is today. I think that February is the only month that is still as the cosmos had intended. Now that I actually put this in writing I am going to have to investigate this theory more and I will let you know what I find. Help me by letting me know anything that you think of that either supports or debunks my theory. Women are the givers of life and it would make sense that MOTHER nature would honor that thankless task. If we'd had followed the women since the beginning maybe we wouldn't have all the problems we have today.
Time to wake the troops and start making lunches... Have a great day on what should be April 2nd because I don't believe in March 29th or 30th. I'll bug you again tomorrow if you'll let me.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wisconsin - Smell My Dairy Air
I think I was having blog-writing withdrawals. I actually enjoy writing this whether or not anybody reads it; it’s very cathartic. I do, however, appreciate your thinking enough of me to follow my warped sense of things.
Just before we left to go to the Dells Friday morning I found my notebook. The bad news is that it was destroyed by outside forces which rendered it incompetent. In my attempt to be the perfect househusband I hurried through the laundry and left the notebook in the back pocket of my jeans and it is now illegible. At least I know our washer and dryer work well. I am a big believer in fate and destiny so I am assuming there was something in there that I would have been sorry I wrote about so woohoo for fate saving me again.
I did start a new notebook on the way north so here goes my rambling DISCOMBOOBULATION (I was still in my funk when I wrote this first one - heavy flow day so bare with me at first):
When are the rewards supposed to come to us who are doing the right things? I think that sometimes the “haves” tell us “have-nots” that it is good to keep giving so they can keep taking.
Wisconsin is a beautiful state but why did I see more roadkill in the first mile of entering Wisconsin than I did the entire trip through Indiana and Ohio and back?
I know I am fixated but why is gas 20 cents cheaper in Wisconsin (and Indiana and Ohio)than it is in DeKalb? Even the Rockford, IL area is 20 cents cheaper. Price fixing is my guess.
Last night I worked a concert for my part-time job (is it still part-time if it’s your ONLY job? Technically, all jobs are part-time right? Otherwise you’d be there all the time). I worked outside at the beer tent most of the night to make sure people followed the rules. I didn’t get to hear the first two acts which was fine as it was a country music show and I am not much of a fan of that genre. I did get to see the entire Martina McBride show, however. I was amazed at how great her show was. I even recognized some of the songs. I may have to broaden my horizons again. As I get to the upper-middle I am scrambling to try to enjoy everything. Just try me (that's what He said)!
Driving home yesterday, Sunday, I remembered when I was young my dad would call people Sunday drivers when they were driving slowly or erratically. I think there should be a new definition for Sunday Drivers. Now Sunday Drivers are people who are hurrying back from their weekends away so they can get a few minutes of rest before they have to go back to work or school... They can be seen pulling their boats or campers or snowmobiles or carnival rides across state lines at twenty miles over the speed limit weaving in and out of traffic. I was definitely a New Age Sunday Driver yesterday.
I am keeping this one short because “I’s tired boss...dog tired” and I still need to work-out today. I know I promised my 28-day theory but that will be tomorrow morning. I wanted to write some of these things from my notebook before I launder it tonight. I will “talk” to you in about 12 hours.
Just before we left to go to the Dells Friday morning I found my notebook. The bad news is that it was destroyed by outside forces which rendered it incompetent. In my attempt to be the perfect househusband I hurried through the laundry and left the notebook in the back pocket of my jeans and it is now illegible. At least I know our washer and dryer work well. I am a big believer in fate and destiny so I am assuming there was something in there that I would have been sorry I wrote about so woohoo for fate saving me again.
I did start a new notebook on the way north so here goes my rambling DISCOMBOOBULATION (I was still in my funk when I wrote this first one - heavy flow day so bare with me at first):
When are the rewards supposed to come to us who are doing the right things? I think that sometimes the “haves” tell us “have-nots” that it is good to keep giving so they can keep taking.
Wisconsin is a beautiful state but why did I see more roadkill in the first mile of entering Wisconsin than I did the entire trip through Indiana and Ohio and back?
I know I am fixated but why is gas 20 cents cheaper in Wisconsin (and Indiana and Ohio)than it is in DeKalb? Even the Rockford, IL area is 20 cents cheaper. Price fixing is my guess.
Last night I worked a concert for my part-time job (is it still part-time if it’s your ONLY job? Technically, all jobs are part-time right? Otherwise you’d be there all the time). I worked outside at the beer tent most of the night to make sure people followed the rules. I didn’t get to hear the first two acts which was fine as it was a country music show and I am not much of a fan of that genre. I did get to see the entire Martina McBride show, however. I was amazed at how great her show was. I even recognized some of the songs. I may have to broaden my horizons again. As I get to the upper-middle I am scrambling to try to enjoy everything. Just try me (that's what He said)!
Driving home yesterday, Sunday, I remembered when I was young my dad would call people Sunday drivers when they were driving slowly or erratically. I think there should be a new definition for Sunday Drivers. Now Sunday Drivers are people who are hurrying back from their weekends away so they can get a few minutes of rest before they have to go back to work or school... They can be seen pulling their boats or campers or snowmobiles or carnival rides across state lines at twenty miles over the speed limit weaving in and out of traffic. I was definitely a New Age Sunday Driver yesterday.
I am keeping this one short because “I’s tired boss...dog tired” and I still need to work-out today. I know I promised my 28-day theory but that will be tomorrow morning. I wanted to write some of these things from my notebook before I launder it tonight. I will “talk” to you in about 12 hours.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Reward! Lost, One Notepad!
Well, I am apparently having a middle moment. I cannot find my notepad so all of those fantastic thoughts I have had may be lost or they will appear on someone else's blog or will appear here when I find my notepad. I have always had a superior memory, as I recall. I was always irritated by people who didn't remember things and now I am starting to be that person; I irritate myself. Another thing that I find is that my eyesight is starting to take a turn toward the darkside (hopefully that isn't foreshadowing for my life story). About 2 months ago I had my eyes tested and I have 20/15 vision which is great. That means I can see 20 feet away what most people have to be 15 feet away to see. I still have that but I am starting to have problems with the small things (writing) in poor light. I have a pair of those glasses like Santa Claus wears on the end of his nose when he's reading his Naughty and Nice List. If you want to hide from me stand really close in poor light...if you get 20 feet away you cannot hide. I'm guessing when I find my note pad it will be right next to me. Actually, I guarantee it!
I am feeling depressed again this morning about being unemployed. It seems to come in waves. I have long believed that men have cycles the same as women but we don't have the obvious signs like women. No joke, I sincerely do believe this. It used to be no matter what I was happy on Friday but now that every day is the same Friday may as well be Monday - I'm getting ripped off of The Friday Phenomenon (patent pending). I probably have some good qualities but society has made me believe that my worth is measured by what I do. I know a lot of people who have really good jobs who are the biggest jerks I know so I realize this is balderdash. I do laundry, clean garages, do dishes, make dinner, work on cars, do the grocery shopping, write a blog, take out the garbage, look for a job (that was yesterday anyway). Those are all admirable things to do but it's not a job. I contribute financially with my unemployment and my part-time job; I bring home fairly good money with unemployment and, depending on how much I work at my other job, it's even better so it's not about the money. It's just the guilt that has been laid on me by my self-imposed thoughts about what I am SUPPOSED to be doing. I will work it out in my head as I always do. I am kind of like a dog; throw a ball and all of a sudden I forget about everything else and I'm wagging my tail with my tongue hanging out. See, men really are dogs!
Well, I have to pack my backpack for The Dells. My daughter comes home from Costa Rica tonight and I won't be here to see her. At least when she hits America I can text her and talk to her. I will grab another notepad for the trip to lose. I may or may not write another blog before Monday. I have to work a concert Sunday night so this is gonna be a packed three days; no spare time, basketball and waterparks should lift me out of my funk? I hope I have shaken the blues before I meet up with Paul Bunyan Sunday morning. (blues / Babe ha!)
Thanks for the session...it's good to "talk" it out. Mark you calendar and see if I have a similar posting in about 28 days...speaking of 28 days I also have a theory on the calendar that I will discuss in my next blog. There's the cliffhanger....
I am feeling depressed again this morning about being unemployed. It seems to come in waves. I have long believed that men have cycles the same as women but we don't have the obvious signs like women. No joke, I sincerely do believe this. It used to be no matter what I was happy on Friday but now that every day is the same Friday may as well be Monday - I'm getting ripped off of The Friday Phenomenon (patent pending). I probably have some good qualities but society has made me believe that my worth is measured by what I do. I know a lot of people who have really good jobs who are the biggest jerks I know so I realize this is balderdash. I do laundry, clean garages, do dishes, make dinner, work on cars, do the grocery shopping, write a blog, take out the garbage, look for a job (that was yesterday anyway). Those are all admirable things to do but it's not a job. I contribute financially with my unemployment and my part-time job; I bring home fairly good money with unemployment and, depending on how much I work at my other job, it's even better so it's not about the money. It's just the guilt that has been laid on me by my self-imposed thoughts about what I am SUPPOSED to be doing. I will work it out in my head as I always do. I am kind of like a dog; throw a ball and all of a sudden I forget about everything else and I'm wagging my tail with my tongue hanging out. See, men really are dogs!
Well, I have to pack my backpack for The Dells. My daughter comes home from Costa Rica tonight and I won't be here to see her. At least when she hits America I can text her and talk to her. I will grab another notepad for the trip to lose. I may or may not write another blog before Monday. I have to work a concert Sunday night so this is gonna be a packed three days; no spare time, basketball and waterparks should lift me out of my funk? I hope I have shaken the blues before I meet up with Paul Bunyan Sunday morning. (blues / Babe ha!)
Thanks for the session...it's good to "talk" it out. Mark you calendar and see if I have a similar posting in about 28 days...speaking of 28 days I also have a theory on the calendar that I will discuss in my next blog. There's the cliffhanger....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Paul Bunyan Must Die!
I like my new blog format (forMatt) of firing off small snippets from my trusty notepad. I don't want people to get bored with my blogs and this way I am PC (politically correct) with the people with ADD (attention deficit disorder). If the mood strikes me while I fire I can turn it into a mild skirmish or escalate it into a war if I choose.
Locked and loaded and firing at will (who is Will and why is everybody always firing at him?).
I Pass rocks. I have had kidney stones twice and this should be the slogan for that affliction but I think I was writing this while using my I-PASS through Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. The middle states making it fast and easy to spend your toll money...kind of like impulse driving.
At the Cavaliers game they gave kids boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as noise-makers - great idea. (*I Love Kraft Foods - ;)) Anyway, when we got back to the hotel my son was hungry so...I went down to the the breakfast buffet that was partially ready for the following morning and borrowed a cereal bowl. I made Kraft Macaroni and Cheese in a mini Mr. Coffee in our room using straws as utensils. He loved it! Let me know if you need the procedures/recipe but you could probably manage it on your own. Thinking outside of the box (Kraft pun). Wow - that could be a great Ad campaign for Kraft (patent pending). I could start my own ad agency - Helser/Costanza Advertising!
Gas is 30 cents cheaper in Toledo (just a coincidence that it follows Kraft)
Stopping for gas in the Middlewest and saw a guy stealth-fully trying to check out the girl's butt at the pump next to him. Why do we guys think we are so slick in checking out ladies' butts and BOOBS? They know we are doing it. Remember, they are a lot smarter that we are so give it up. Just look and get about your business. Why do we find the derrière so fascinating anyway? It's very important for its main purpose but doesn't that actually make it less appealing? BOOBS are milk and we're always thirsty I get that one but what's with the butt?
I am more of an eyes, heart and personality guy. I consider these the artwork and the legs, butt and BOOBS just the frame. Some people buy art for the frame I suppose but I always appreciate the art. You can always get a new frame but art endures. Maybe that's where the term "nice frame" comes from?
Jill and I bought fit balls (those big inflatable excercise balls) at Target for $8.00 each. They really seem to work but no need to pay $30 - $40 for them...I look like a moron with my dumbbells sitting on my ball but I'll be a fit moron (dumbbell).
Unemployment makes me re-examine everything about myself. I question everything I thought I knew...Tiger Woods made me think of this when in his, what I will call his Jesse James interview with ESPN, he said he "had to examine / revisit (his) core values." I guess I have been doing that off and on for ten months and it is making me a better person again. My last job turned me into a jerk and I have been going through jerk detox but I think I am back to being the decent person I am...thank goodness I have a Sugar Momma! Not everybody in my situation has that to cushion the blow. Thanks Jill for being so patient and supportive of my fragile male ego.
Don't go in the hot tub before a seven hour drive - too relaxed.
I really miss my daughter. She left for Costa Rica on Friday and the last we had contact was when she boarded her connecting flight in Atlanta saying "my last text in America for a week! Goodbye! I'll miss you!" (great, now I'm all teary-eyed trying to type). There was a phone-tree with the school so we know she made it safely to Costa Rica but that's it. No contact for 6 days. I guess this is a kind of spring training for us for when she goes to college. She's one of the most special people on the planet. She is kind with a huge heart and she and I...I am starting to cry again so I will stop...I will be blubbering like a baby during our daddy/daughter dance when she gets married. I will let you know when tickets go on sale for that.
This is getting long and DISCOMBOOBULATED so I will stop for today. Plus I am getting my teeth cleaned today so I have to brush 100 times and floss for the first time since my last cleaning.
Tomorrow I head to the Wisconsin Dells (upper-Middlewest) for the Matt In The Middle Blog Promotional Tour. Bring your copies to The Wilderness Lodge and I will gladly autograph them for you and you will probably be part of my next blog. While there I will take in some seventh grade travel basketball (Go Dekalb Bulldogs!) as I am a fine connoisseur of the arts (eyes, hearts and personalities). I wish it were closer so we could ride our bikes. I guess the team is eating breakfast at Paul Bunyan's on Sunday. I can't wait to tell you how I manage not to over-eat there, HA. Maybe having to answer to you, my friends, will actually help me beat the crap out of Paul Bunyan!
Oh, by the way, I named my I-POD. Her name is Roz (figure it out).
Blog you tomorrow before the Middlenorth expansion!
Locked and loaded and firing at will (who is Will and why is everybody always firing at him?).
I Pass rocks. I have had kidney stones twice and this should be the slogan for that affliction but I think I was writing this while using my I-PASS through Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. The middle states making it fast and easy to spend your toll money...kind of like impulse driving.
At the Cavaliers game they gave kids boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as noise-makers - great idea. (*I Love Kraft Foods - ;)) Anyway, when we got back to the hotel my son was hungry so...I went down to the the breakfast buffet that was partially ready for the following morning and borrowed a cereal bowl. I made Kraft Macaroni and Cheese in a mini Mr. Coffee in our room using straws as utensils. He loved it! Let me know if you need the procedures/recipe but you could probably manage it on your own. Thinking outside of the box (Kraft pun). Wow - that could be a great Ad campaign for Kraft (patent pending). I could start my own ad agency - Helser/Costanza Advertising!
Gas is 30 cents cheaper in Toledo (just a coincidence that it follows Kraft)
Stopping for gas in the Middlewest and saw a guy stealth-fully trying to check out the girl's butt at the pump next to him. Why do we guys think we are so slick in checking out ladies' butts and BOOBS? They know we are doing it. Remember, they are a lot smarter that we are so give it up. Just look and get about your business. Why do we find the derrière so fascinating anyway? It's very important for its main purpose but doesn't that actually make it less appealing? BOOBS are milk and we're always thirsty I get that one but what's with the butt?
I am more of an eyes, heart and personality guy. I consider these the artwork and the legs, butt and BOOBS just the frame. Some people buy art for the frame I suppose but I always appreciate the art. You can always get a new frame but art endures. Maybe that's where the term "nice frame" comes from?
Jill and I bought fit balls (those big inflatable excercise balls) at Target for $8.00 each. They really seem to work but no need to pay $30 - $40 for them...I look like a moron with my dumbbells sitting on my ball but I'll be a fit moron (dumbbell).
Unemployment makes me re-examine everything about myself. I question everything I thought I knew...Tiger Woods made me think of this when in his, what I will call his Jesse James interview with ESPN, he said he "had to examine / revisit (his) core values." I guess I have been doing that off and on for ten months and it is making me a better person again. My last job turned me into a jerk and I have been going through jerk detox but I think I am back to being the decent person I am...thank goodness I have a Sugar Momma! Not everybody in my situation has that to cushion the blow. Thanks Jill for being so patient and supportive of my fragile male ego.
Don't go in the hot tub before a seven hour drive - too relaxed.
I really miss my daughter. She left for Costa Rica on Friday and the last we had contact was when she boarded her connecting flight in Atlanta saying "my last text in America for a week! Goodbye! I'll miss you!" (great, now I'm all teary-eyed trying to type). There was a phone-tree with the school so we know she made it safely to Costa Rica but that's it. No contact for 6 days. I guess this is a kind of spring training for us for when she goes to college. She's one of the most special people on the planet. She is kind with a huge heart and she and I...I am starting to cry again so I will stop...I will be blubbering like a baby during our daddy/daughter dance when she gets married. I will let you know when tickets go on sale for that.
This is getting long and DISCOMBOOBULATED so I will stop for today. Plus I am getting my teeth cleaned today so I have to brush 100 times and floss for the first time since my last cleaning.
Tomorrow I head to the Wisconsin Dells (upper-Middlewest) for the Matt In The Middle Blog Promotional Tour. Bring your copies to The Wilderness Lodge and I will gladly autograph them for you and you will probably be part of my next blog. While there I will take in some seventh grade travel basketball (Go Dekalb Bulldogs!) as I am a fine connoisseur of the arts (eyes, hearts and personalities). I wish it were closer so we could ride our bikes. I guess the team is eating breakfast at Paul Bunyan's on Sunday. I can't wait to tell you how I manage not to over-eat there, HA. Maybe having to answer to you, my friends, will actually help me beat the crap out of Paul Bunyan!
Oh, by the way, I named my I-POD. Her name is Roz (figure it out).
Blog you tomorrow before the Middlenorth expansion!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Discomboobulated in the Middle
Well, as promised, I am going to go off on several tangents based on the notes I took while chauffeuring a 13-year-old across the middle states at up to 85 miles per hour. This may turn out to be like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry took notes for his stand-up routine in the middle of the night and couldn't make out the notes or their meaning in the morning so...hold onto your hat.
I love those new Colgate Wisps...brushing my teeth while driving. Now I have more time to be unemployed.
Why in the heck is there a mini-van driving on the Indiana/Michigan border with a surfboard on the top? Is he preparing for 2012 already? Talk about surf's up!
Wow, this next note is ironic given my opening paragraph of this blog - tried to think of jobs I could do for a job and thought of this from an episode of Seinfeld:
George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that..that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn’t even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a color man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that’s really not fair.
How much harder would this trip have been by covered-wagon? I have no right complaining about anything but I will continue to complain because that's what men do (my 53% rule).
We men definitely have an advantage over the smarter sex when it comes to our plumbing. If I really had to I could keep driving and fill up a Gatorade bottle but fortunately Indiana and Ohio have their Travel Centers spaced out just perfectly.
Do you think the guy who invented the tilt steering wheel foresaw the invention of texting? I am driving at an illegal rate of speed with my knees while illegally texting..(allegedly).
Dude Food (don't know what it means but probably from my son eating Slim Jims and Goldfish in the backseat) DudeFood (patent pending).
Do not send in your Census. I took the Census takers (enumerators) test so I could have my liver eaten with some fava beans and a nice chianti. If we all send them back I won't get a chance to meet a lot of interesting people while acting like Dog The Bounty Hunter (would get my walking in). I cannot believe how much time and money our government must be spending telling us to send this back in. I got a letter saying the Census was coming, I got the Census, I got a letter stating that I should have gotten the Census and I watch commercials from huge stars telling me to send in my Census. They say it doesn't cost anything but who are they kidding? I am the dope they're looking for though...I sent in my Census (costing myself a job); what a sheep I am. Money well spent government.
I have more but this is getting long again (that's what she said) so I will stop for now. I do have to mention one more thing because I want this word to catch on. Jill and I were watching the DVR of The Celebrity Apprentice. Bret Michaels (Poison, Rock of Love) is on it this season. He said a word that I think will change America. He said he has become "Discomboobulated." He was trying to say discombobulated. It makes me think that the word "boob" isn't used enough. You can call someone a boob (Brett Michaels), you can sent someone to the booby-hatch and if Breast Cancer was referred to as Boob Cancer I think a lot more people would be willing to talk about it and there would be more awareness. Believe me, there are few things in the world more entertaining than boobs (take that how you wish).
A lot more notes to come next time...Matt The Boob out!
"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli"
I love those new Colgate Wisps...brushing my teeth while driving. Now I have more time to be unemployed.
Why in the heck is there a mini-van driving on the Indiana/Michigan border with a surfboard on the top? Is he preparing for 2012 already? Talk about surf's up!
Wow, this next note is ironic given my opening paragraph of this blog - tried to think of jobs I could do for a job and thought of this from an episode of Seinfeld:
George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that..that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn’t even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a color man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that’s really not fair.
How much harder would this trip have been by covered-wagon? I have no right complaining about anything but I will continue to complain because that's what men do (my 53% rule).
We men definitely have an advantage over the smarter sex when it comes to our plumbing. If I really had to I could keep driving and fill up a Gatorade bottle but fortunately Indiana and Ohio have their Travel Centers spaced out just perfectly.
Do you think the guy who invented the tilt steering wheel foresaw the invention of texting? I am driving at an illegal rate of speed with my knees while illegally texting..(allegedly).
Dude Food (don't know what it means but probably from my son eating Slim Jims and Goldfish in the backseat) DudeFood (patent pending).
Do not send in your Census. I took the Census takers (enumerators) test so I could have my liver eaten with some fava beans and a nice chianti. If we all send them back I won't get a chance to meet a lot of interesting people while acting like Dog The Bounty Hunter (would get my walking in). I cannot believe how much time and money our government must be spending telling us to send this back in. I got a letter saying the Census was coming, I got the Census, I got a letter stating that I should have gotten the Census and I watch commercials from huge stars telling me to send in my Census. They say it doesn't cost anything but who are they kidding? I am the dope they're looking for though...I sent in my Census (costing myself a job); what a sheep I am. Money well spent government.
I have more but this is getting long again (that's what she said) so I will stop for now. I do have to mention one more thing because I want this word to catch on. Jill and I were watching the DVR of The Celebrity Apprentice. Bret Michaels (Poison, Rock of Love) is on it this season. He said a word that I think will change America. He said he has become "Discomboobulated." He was trying to say discombobulated. It makes me think that the word "boob" isn't used enough. You can call someone a boob (Brett Michaels), you can sent someone to the booby-hatch and if Breast Cancer was referred to as Boob Cancer I think a lot more people would be willing to talk about it and there would be more awareness. Believe me, there are few things in the world more entertaining than boobs (take that how you wish).
A lot more notes to come next time...Matt The Boob out!
"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli"
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lipton, Breakfast and the I-pod
WE NEED TO USE LESS FUEL AGAIN! THEY ARE DRIVING THE PRICES UP ON US JUST LIKE BEFORE - RIDE YOUR BIKES! As Freddie Mercury said - Fat bottom girls you make this rockin' world go 'round...get on your bikes and ride!" (can you tell I was in Cleveland.... read on).
Back to reality. Being away for just two days changes everything. It seemed like weeks. We also packed a lot into the two days (mostly driving - which made me think of the fuel prices - why is Ohio 20 cents per gallon cheaper?) so the time flew and we had a great father/son bonding time. My son initially didn't want to go to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland so we went there late Sunday night when it was lit up so I could at least see it. The Pyramid-shaped building looking like the Lovre must have made an impression because yesterday morning he decided, somewhat out of the blue, that he wanted to go to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. We went but I was disappointed, but understood, that they didn't allow cameras inside. I don't think it's what my son expected though - I think he was looking for more contemporary performers which there are very few of as you might imagine. My parental manipulation worked, however, so I got my way and he thinks it was his idea...win win. I think I liked the house where A Christmas Story was filmed better because it was closed on Mondays and that saved me some money - just like a dad on a trip, huh? Luckily they can't close up the outside which is probably all that's worth seeing anyway.
I am sure everybody is tired about my blabbing about weight-loss and excercise but I said I would blog about Lipton, breakfast and the I-Pod so here it comes...
Lipton's Green Tea To Go and White Tea To Go have been instrumental in making me drink more water. Zero fat, zero calories, zero sodium. It's pretty much just flavoring that makes me want to drink water rather than diet pop. I drink a lot of water everyday and, unlike diet sodas, it doesn't make me have to spend half of my day exercising my bladder. Did you see what I did there with the play on "exercising"? I have also heard that if you drink really cold water the body has to work to warm it up and that burns calories though I am sure it is very minuscule if it is true at all. I have tried other brands but Lipton has the best flavors and selections.
***Corporate sponsorship would be fabulous*** I am shameless (comes with unemployment).
I was never a breakfast eater until very recently. It's weird because it was never a time factor since I am usually up hours before everyone else anyway. Historically, I have never cared too much for most breakfast foods so, duh, I mostly eat non-breakfast foods in the morning but I do like the Smart Ones English muffin sandwiches a lot. I was going for over half of a full day (12+ hours) without any food (like 10PM - 12PM the next day). My body was storing fat because it thought it was starving...stupid fat body. Now I get food in it as soon as I am awake and it burns it off properly. Not to mention the fact that I am not as hungry at lunch time so I don't overeat.
***Breakfast corporate sponsors welcome...Smart Ones and Lean Cuisine come to mind***
My I-Pod Nano (mine is pink of course) is probably one of my best friends in the whole world. She's my main work-out partner (always with me on the bike, walking, lifting, sit-ups...usually with the "workout" playlist on) and my decompressor/soother ("zen" and "island" playlists). She is with me wherever I go unless she is eating which she does alone as we have different tastes. I am not big on downloaded food yet though one day that will probably be all the rage (patent pending). It probably took the astronauts to get used to the crap they eat too. One of the best things my I-Pod has done for me is that she has encouraged me to move. She has a built in pedometer that measures every step I take (Sting) and downloads it automatically to Nike+Active and measures me and helps me to push myself. Help me come up with a name for my I-Pod - she needs a name!
***Corporate sponsors Apple I-POD AND Nike are very, very, very welcome***
I vowed to myself to make this blog shorter so you would keep reading my blogs so I am going to stop now. USE LESS FUEL - HELP THE PLANET AND SAVE SOME MONEY WHILE GETTING FIT! Next I will go through my notebook from the trip and fire off on several unrelated topics and nothing about weight - probably more on being unemployed. Now off to clean out the garage, find Jill's denim jacket-thingy and do some more laundry!!!
Back to reality. Being away for just two days changes everything. It seemed like weeks. We also packed a lot into the two days (mostly driving - which made me think of the fuel prices - why is Ohio 20 cents per gallon cheaper?) so the time flew and we had a great father/son bonding time. My son initially didn't want to go to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland so we went there late Sunday night when it was lit up so I could at least see it. The Pyramid-shaped building looking like the Lovre must have made an impression because yesterday morning he decided, somewhat out of the blue, that he wanted to go to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. We went but I was disappointed, but understood, that they didn't allow cameras inside. I don't think it's what my son expected though - I think he was looking for more contemporary performers which there are very few of as you might imagine. My parental manipulation worked, however, so I got my way and he thinks it was his idea...win win. I think I liked the house where A Christmas Story was filmed better because it was closed on Mondays and that saved me some money - just like a dad on a trip, huh? Luckily they can't close up the outside which is probably all that's worth seeing anyway.
I am sure everybody is tired about my blabbing about weight-loss and excercise but I said I would blog about Lipton, breakfast and the I-Pod so here it comes...
Lipton's Green Tea To Go and White Tea To Go have been instrumental in making me drink more water. Zero fat, zero calories, zero sodium. It's pretty much just flavoring that makes me want to drink water rather than diet pop. I drink a lot of water everyday and, unlike diet sodas, it doesn't make me have to spend half of my day exercising my bladder. Did you see what I did there with the play on "exercising"? I have also heard that if you drink really cold water the body has to work to warm it up and that burns calories though I am sure it is very minuscule if it is true at all. I have tried other brands but Lipton has the best flavors and selections.
***Corporate sponsorship would be fabulous*** I am shameless (comes with unemployment).
I was never a breakfast eater until very recently. It's weird because it was never a time factor since I am usually up hours before everyone else anyway. Historically, I have never cared too much for most breakfast foods so, duh, I mostly eat non-breakfast foods in the morning but I do like the Smart Ones English muffin sandwiches a lot. I was going for over half of a full day (12+ hours) without any food (like 10PM - 12PM the next day). My body was storing fat because it thought it was starving...stupid fat body. Now I get food in it as soon as I am awake and it burns it off properly. Not to mention the fact that I am not as hungry at lunch time so I don't overeat.
***Breakfast corporate sponsors welcome...Smart Ones and Lean Cuisine come to mind***
My I-Pod Nano (mine is pink of course) is probably one of my best friends in the whole world. She's my main work-out partner (always with me on the bike, walking, lifting, sit-ups...usually with the "workout" playlist on) and my decompressor/soother ("zen" and "island" playlists). She is with me wherever I go unless she is eating which she does alone as we have different tastes. I am not big on downloaded food yet though one day that will probably be all the rage (patent pending). It probably took the astronauts to get used to the crap they eat too. One of the best things my I-Pod has done for me is that she has encouraged me to move. She has a built in pedometer that measures every step I take (Sting) and downloads it automatically to Nike+Active and measures me and helps me to push myself. Help me come up with a name for my I-Pod - she needs a name!
***Corporate sponsors Apple I-POD AND Nike are very, very, very welcome***
I vowed to myself to make this blog shorter so you would keep reading my blogs so I am going to stop now. USE LESS FUEL - HELP THE PLANET AND SAVE SOME MONEY WHILE GETTING FIT! Next I will go through my notebook from the trip and fire off on several unrelated topics and nothing about weight - probably more on being unemployed. Now off to clean out the garage, find Jill's denim jacket-thingy and do some more laundry!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Cleveland Actually Does Rock!
I have travelled all over the world, I was born in West Germany, my father was stationed there in the U.S. Army and my mom was there too of course, and was in 8 countries before I was 8 months old. Growing up I was a member of The Fox Valley Raiders Drum & Bugle Corps. and every summer travelled around the United States on a bus with a hundred or so of, what became, brothers and sisters. All this and family vacations every year. With all the travelling I have done in my life I do not ever remember being in Cleveland. I have been in Ohio a lot and I have been by Cleveland but don't remember being IN Cleveland. I always thought of it as a dumpy town for some reason. This downtown is really nice. Our hotel is right across from Progressive Field (where The Indians play) and we are about one block from Quicken Loans Arena (The "Q") where Lebron and Shaq play. We walked to the game last night even though we had a parking pass because it is so close and it would have been stupid to drive a block. And, I love to walk now. (The Cav's won 104 - 72 I think the final score was). Last night we drove down by the lake and saw the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with the pyramid all lit up next to Cleveland Browns Stadium with a windwill truning out front. I apologize to Cleveland for judging it before experiencing it. we middle states that start with vowels, Illinois, Iowa, Indiana, Ohio, have to stick together. Cleveland Rocks!
I am sitting in the business center of the Hilton Gardens hotel downtown. It's Monday morning and I think the rest of the hotel is still asleep. It's like 4:30 or 5:30; we middle states should all be on the same time. I got my usual 3 hours of sleep so I am good. I think that may come from Drum & Bugle Corps too - not sleeping much. I wanted to post something because my addictive personality wanted me to. I am always addicted to something, it seems, which is why I got fat I suppose. Now I am addicted to weight loss and excercise which is a better alternative. A lot my my obsessions come and go but my good addictions like: my family, being incredibly cute and the ocean... don't waiver though. I guess I try things out and if I like them I go full-thottle and if I don't I toss them on the scrap heap with all the other obsessions I've destroyed.
During our drive over to the right side of the middle I wrote about five pages of notes for ideas of blogs so I can keep thrilling you with my views on all things ordinary. After I get done posting this I will check Indeed.com for jobs, go swimming with my son again (we swam some last night), go find the A Chistmas Story house (the actual house they shot the movie in), go back to the mall down town to get my son that LeBron shirt he cannot live without and then head back to the middle part of the middle states. Speaking of the middle states - way to go U.S. Government for passing the healthcare bill. I am very excited that we care about making sure our children and our future generations are taken care of like the rest of the world does...this is huge. Now let's get this rolling and work on a jobs bill so I can get back to work and feel like the man that society feels I should be.
Well, I could write for hours with all the notes I have but I will wait until I have seven more hours of notes from the drive home. My next blog will touch on the importance of Lipton, breakfast and the I-Pod and how they changed my life.
Thank you for reading this. I do appreciate the opportunity to make a small difference to some while psycho-analyzing myself. I have to think of a catchy "sign off" - Matt In The Middle Out!
SUPPORT THE MIDDLE STATES - VISIT CLEVELAND! (wouldn't it be ironic if I got my eye shot out while looking for the A Christmas Story house?)
I am sitting in the business center of the Hilton Gardens hotel downtown. It's Monday morning and I think the rest of the hotel is still asleep. It's like 4:30 or 5:30; we middle states should all be on the same time. I got my usual 3 hours of sleep so I am good. I think that may come from Drum & Bugle Corps too - not sleeping much. I wanted to post something because my addictive personality wanted me to. I am always addicted to something, it seems, which is why I got fat I suppose. Now I am addicted to weight loss and excercise which is a better alternative. A lot my my obsessions come and go but my good addictions like: my family, being incredibly cute and the ocean... don't waiver though. I guess I try things out and if I like them I go full-thottle and if I don't I toss them on the scrap heap with all the other obsessions I've destroyed.
During our drive over to the right side of the middle I wrote about five pages of notes for ideas of blogs so I can keep thrilling you with my views on all things ordinary. After I get done posting this I will check Indeed.com for jobs, go swimming with my son again (we swam some last night), go find the A Chistmas Story house (the actual house they shot the movie in), go back to the mall down town to get my son that LeBron shirt he cannot live without and then head back to the middle part of the middle states. Speaking of the middle states - way to go U.S. Government for passing the healthcare bill. I am very excited that we care about making sure our children and our future generations are taken care of like the rest of the world does...this is huge. Now let's get this rolling and work on a jobs bill so I can get back to work and feel like the man that society feels I should be.
Well, I could write for hours with all the notes I have but I will wait until I have seven more hours of notes from the drive home. My next blog will touch on the importance of Lipton, breakfast and the I-Pod and how they changed my life.
Thank you for reading this. I do appreciate the opportunity to make a small difference to some while psycho-analyzing myself. I have to think of a catchy "sign off" - Matt In The Middle Out!
SUPPORT THE MIDDLE STATES - VISIT CLEVELAND! (wouldn't it be ironic if I got my eye shot out while looking for the A Christmas Story house?)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Poker and Gollf vs. Tupperware and Toys
I'm leaving for Cleveland (which is probably still barely in the middle of the country) at 4:00AM to see the Cavaliers play the Pistons and will be back tomorrow. Just my son and I. The last time he and I went alone on a sporting trip, other than his travel basketball about every weekend, was in 2006 to see the St. Louis Cardinals win game 4 of the World Series. We had game 5 tickets but the weather turned our game into game 4 - I’m still salty about that in case you cannot tell. Anyway, he’s going for LeBron and I’m going for Shaq; something for all generations. Took him to see Jordan and Pippen when he was a baby (he slept through most of it) so he could say he saw them play.
In yesterday’s posting I said I would talk about Poker and Golf vs. Tupperware and Toys. When I was young I remember my mom taking my brother to peoples’ houses what seemed like once a week to go to a Tupperware party or a party where the hostess was peddling children’s toys. We always had fun. There were dozens of kids running around and moms were eating and talking and probably drinking for two or three hours. This is when the mom’s were cooped up all day and needed to get out; this was their getting out - packing up the kids they spent all their time with and lugging them off so the dad’s could stay home and do whatever dad’s did while there was no one home. My dad always had more than one job so I know he was working his second job so we could go but plastic dishes and rubber toys that we didn’t need. Over the years the
Tupperware turned into Pampered Chef or wine and cheese or lingerie or jewelry or make-up or whatever... Now that we guys are out of work I think it’s time I bring the trend over to the darkside. Not long ago, just before Valentine’s Day I was invited to a jewelry party by one of my friends and neighbors Ray. His wife sells the jewelry and they thought, wisely, that invite the guys over to buy stuff for their ladies for Valentine's Day. Ladies...the one thing about guys is that if you get us to show up we will buy something whether we want to or not. Guys are easy marks. Luckily for me Jill is allergic to most metals (expect for 14 carat or more gold, of course) so I bought something for my daughter; even though my valentine couldn’t wear any of the jewelry I still had to buy something. So, now my weasly male pea brain starts to turn - why don’t I start a
business that takes advantage? Now that we’re the stay-at-home gender let’s have our parties...I am going to start a business that sells items to men like the ladies bilk to each other. Tequilas and beers from around the world, cigars, custom-made poker chips and cards , golf balls with your former bosses’ picture on them, tickets to hard-to-get sporting events, power tools, women’s lingerie with live models... Marrying the gender who likes to spend with the stuff they NEED and a reason to get out. This idea is genius! This just at the infant stage but I am willing to take on partners in this can’t miss scheme, er great business venture.
I have to post this before it comes to fruition so my wife can get credit when she is
correct. I do not watch the hit television show LOST but the rest of my family, including Maisy our dog, does. Jill has said for at least a year-and-a-half, probably much longer, that she thinks all of the people are in comas in some kind of psychiatric ward. she is now concerned that the show is going to reveal it and it is going to end up being like the ending of Twin Peaks and be a great disappointment. So has it been said, so has it been blogged! It sounds to me like it should be called Five Years Lost!
Movie review: we watched Up In The Air today during our snow storm. I really didn’t know much about the film before we watched it other than it was about George
Clooney’s character spending a lot of time in airports and on planes. I love airports and airplanes and I have bromantic*** thoughts about George Clooney so I was more than willing to watch the movie. Turns out that he travels around the country firing people for
companies who didn’t have the nerve to do it themselves. A lot of this movie hit home for me having been recently sent to the scrap heap. After watching the movie I wish I would have made it harder on my boss when he laid me off like some of the people did in the movie. I actually thanked him if you can believe that. Anyway, I really liked the movie. It had a lot of messages about work and relationships and families and I think it’s the kind of movie that each person goes away with something a little different.
(*** - For the record, bromantic to me means I would like to hang-out with him on a golf course or in a bar or in a casino or be in his next motion picture... As estrogentic as I am there is not one part of me that swings from the other side of the plate).
Gonna take a day off of the blog as I will be driving back from Cleveland tomorrow. I will take my trusty note pad with me and will probably tell you how Cleveland rocks and I met Drew Carey and hung out with LeBron when I get back. Or, maybe I will tell the truth and get back to my twisted view of whatever the tide might bring.
In yesterday’s posting I said I would talk about Poker and Golf vs. Tupperware and Toys. When I was young I remember my mom taking my brother to peoples’ houses what seemed like once a week to go to a Tupperware party or a party where the hostess was peddling children’s toys. We always had fun. There were dozens of kids running around and moms were eating and talking and probably drinking for two or three hours. This is when the mom’s were cooped up all day and needed to get out; this was their getting out - packing up the kids they spent all their time with and lugging them off so the dad’s could stay home and do whatever dad’s did while there was no one home. My dad always had more than one job so I know he was working his second job so we could go but plastic dishes and rubber toys that we didn’t need. Over the years the
Tupperware turned into Pampered Chef or wine and cheese or lingerie or jewelry or make-up or whatever... Now that we guys are out of work I think it’s time I bring the trend over to the darkside. Not long ago, just before Valentine’s Day I was invited to a jewelry party by one of my friends and neighbors Ray. His wife sells the jewelry and they thought, wisely, that invite the guys over to buy stuff for their ladies for Valentine's Day. Ladies...the one thing about guys is that if you get us to show up we will buy something whether we want to or not. Guys are easy marks. Luckily for me Jill is allergic to most metals (expect for 14 carat or more gold, of course) so I bought something for my daughter; even though my valentine couldn’t wear any of the jewelry I still had to buy something. So, now my weasly male pea brain starts to turn - why don’t I start a
business that takes advantage? Now that we’re the stay-at-home gender let’s have our parties...I am going to start a business that sells items to men like the ladies bilk to each other. Tequilas and beers from around the world, cigars, custom-made poker chips and cards , golf balls with your former bosses’ picture on them, tickets to hard-to-get sporting events, power tools, women’s lingerie with live models... Marrying the gender who likes to spend with the stuff they NEED and a reason to get out. This idea is genius! This just at the infant stage but I am willing to take on partners in this can’t miss scheme, er great business venture.
I have to post this before it comes to fruition so my wife can get credit when she is
correct. I do not watch the hit television show LOST but the rest of my family, including Maisy our dog, does. Jill has said for at least a year-and-a-half, probably much longer, that she thinks all of the people are in comas in some kind of psychiatric ward. she is now concerned that the show is going to reveal it and it is going to end up being like the ending of Twin Peaks and be a great disappointment. So has it been said, so has it been blogged! It sounds to me like it should be called Five Years Lost!
Movie review: we watched Up In The Air today during our snow storm. I really didn’t know much about the film before we watched it other than it was about George
Clooney’s character spending a lot of time in airports and on planes. I love airports and airplanes and I have bromantic*** thoughts about George Clooney so I was more than willing to watch the movie. Turns out that he travels around the country firing people for
companies who didn’t have the nerve to do it themselves. A lot of this movie hit home for me having been recently sent to the scrap heap. After watching the movie I wish I would have made it harder on my boss when he laid me off like some of the people did in the movie. I actually thanked him if you can believe that. Anyway, I really liked the movie. It had a lot of messages about work and relationships and families and I think it’s the kind of movie that each person goes away with something a little different.
(*** - For the record, bromantic to me means I would like to hang-out with him on a golf course or in a bar or in a casino or be in his next motion picture... As estrogentic as I am there is not one part of me that swings from the other side of the plate).
Gonna take a day off of the blog as I will be driving back from Cleveland tomorrow. I will take my trusty note pad with me and will probably tell you how Cleveland rocks and I met Drew Carey and hung out with LeBron when I get back. Or, maybe I will tell the truth and get back to my twisted view of whatever the tide might bring.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Pros on being Fat & Cons on being a man
As you remember from my last blog I teased with "how could losing weight make things worse?". I will address that firstly since I know you have been on the edge (or maybe the middle) of your seat in anticipation. A little background on my weight history to get you up to speed. I started my new way of life (more activity and less food) gradually in February 2009 (about 13 months ago). At that time I weighed 266 pounds. The largest ever recorded weight of a Matt Helser in captivity was 284. That is not to say I didn't weigh more at any time but I didn't weigh myself often when I was at my fighting (eating) weight. I now weigh 189 with a goal of 175. There is no question that I will make that weight. I am a member of Weight Watchers online and I workout 3-4 times a week at home with weights/abs and I go to the YMCA 3-4 every week for cardio; right now I am into the elliptical machines. Additionally, I either walk, run or ride my bike whenever it is practical and sometimes even when it isn't. I am saving my waistline and the planet all at the same time; 2012 will not be my fault. My life is SO MUCH better health-wise than before simply because of losing weight and toning my muscles; which helps off-set, somewhat, the not having a job thing. I will get to more of how my life is better later but there are some things I didn't know when I was heavier - I seemed to get more respect (in a different way) when I was large. My height hasn't changed, of course, but people seemed nicer to me when I was large. Maybe it was pity. I would be asked to do more things that required strength when I was fatter. Ironically, with my workouts, I am actually quite a bit stronger now but people seem to perceive me as weaker. I also blend into a crowd more now whereas I stuck out (pun intended) before. I have always been the guy that wants to be the life of the party but it was a lot easier to be "the center of attention" (that's for Jill) when the smaller planets were orbiting around me. I guess that's why the sun gets so much respect - his weight exudes power. It has never been about the attention itself; I like when people are happy and have always done whatever it takes to make people I like happy even at the risk of my own happiness sometimes. (Wow, this cyber-blogging psychiatrist thing is working already). Maybe people are more threatened by a thin person? Maybe they feel they are better than the fat guy? Maybe they feel sorry for a fat guy? I don't know but the benefits of being thin far out-weigh the disadvantages. I will get to all of those in a later blog.
I re-read my blog from yesterday and I wrote that I would discuss why it's so hard to be a man. Firstly, I realize now that this is an asinine statement given: Biblical times, the Mongols, any world slavery, any war, piracy on the high seas, coming to America, medieval times, the westward expansion of the U.S....When I start the list maybe it's actually a far cry from the hardest time in history to be a man. I did say in my lifetime and in America - still poppycock. I am just a product of our pampered American culture and have become sissified I suppose. But gosh darn it I am man enough to admit it; see how tough I have it - I've got to admit stuff. Because of most events throughout America's history the man has been made to think he was to be the main provider and protector for the family while the mother was the main nurturer and care-giver. Because of this the men have been paid more (which I always found unfair) and now because of the male-dominated work-place the women are now the ones that are keeping their jobs because they are equally qualified to do the work and they had lower salaries so the companies are keeping them and their salaries...Good For You Womankind! Our male egos have betrayed us. Maybe when the complete overthrow of men occurs you will keep me on since I have always been sympathetic to your plight and I have no problem being subservient. The whole domestic warlord thing should look good on my resume too. For some reason Planet of the Apes comes to mind. Keep your stinking paws off me you damned dirty woman (I will NEVER say that in real life).
First Day of kids' Spring Break was yesterday. What I did:
Took my daughter to her school for trip to Costa Rica
(she's lucky we paid for this before I got laid-off)
Did 6 loads of laundry (wash, dry, fold, deliver)
Cleaned the kitchen (dishes...)
Rode bike across town with my son to pick up Jill's medicine
Stopped at Subway on the way back to have lunch
Made the bed (a made bed is really nice)
Worked out (weights and sit-ups)
Vacuumed the upstairs (after taking vacuum apart to find clog)
Searched the usual internet sites for employment (applied at two)
Son and I rode bikes to Baskin Robbins (they are gone)
Rode to McDonald's so he could get his ice cream fix
Stopped by grocery store on the way home for dinner supplies
Grilled lemon pepper chicken and made strawberry shortcake
Played catch with my son (he's a needy little man already)
Waited until 11:00PM to find daughter arrived safely in Costa Rica
Got my first blog followers - thanks Jen and Trisha
Got my first blog comment / compliment - thanks John
Got my first face-to-face blog compliment - thanks Lisa
Got my first person telling another about my blog - Lisa to Kathy
I'm like Matt BLOG-oavich (from Illinois) with better hair
Now off to the Y-M-C-A (I know you just sang that) for 6 miles on the elliptical.
I will do one more blog early tomorrow morning before heading to Cleveland to see The Cavaliers take on the Detroit Pistons. Maybe the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame too? Then I won't do another until probably Tuesday morning...let the withdrawals begin.
I think tomorrow's topic will be Poker and Golf vs. Tupperware and Toys
Thanks a lot for listening/reading. I really do appreciate you!
I re-read my blog from yesterday and I wrote that I would discuss why it's so hard to be a man. Firstly, I realize now that this is an asinine statement given: Biblical times, the Mongols, any world slavery, any war, piracy on the high seas, coming to America, medieval times, the westward expansion of the U.S....When I start the list maybe it's actually a far cry from the hardest time in history to be a man. I did say in my lifetime and in America - still poppycock. I am just a product of our pampered American culture and have become sissified I suppose. But gosh darn it I am man enough to admit it; see how tough I have it - I've got to admit stuff. Because of most events throughout America's history the man has been made to think he was to be the main provider and protector for the family while the mother was the main nurturer and care-giver. Because of this the men have been paid more (which I always found unfair) and now because of the male-dominated work-place the women are now the ones that are keeping their jobs because they are equally qualified to do the work and they had lower salaries so the companies are keeping them and their salaries...Good For You Womankind! Our male egos have betrayed us. Maybe when the complete overthrow of men occurs you will keep me on since I have always been sympathetic to your plight and I have no problem being subservient. The whole domestic warlord thing should look good on my resume too. For some reason Planet of the Apes comes to mind. Keep your stinking paws off me you damned dirty woman (I will NEVER say that in real life).
First Day of kids' Spring Break was yesterday. What I did:
Took my daughter to her school for trip to Costa Rica
(she's lucky we paid for this before I got laid-off)
Did 6 loads of laundry (wash, dry, fold, deliver)
Cleaned the kitchen (dishes...)
Rode bike across town with my son to pick up Jill's medicine
Stopped at Subway on the way back to have lunch
Made the bed (a made bed is really nice)
Worked out (weights and sit-ups)
Vacuumed the upstairs (after taking vacuum apart to find clog)
Searched the usual internet sites for employment (applied at two)
Son and I rode bikes to Baskin Robbins (they are gone)
Rode to McDonald's so he could get his ice cream fix
Stopped by grocery store on the way home for dinner supplies
Grilled lemon pepper chicken and made strawberry shortcake
Played catch with my son (he's a needy little man already)
Waited until 11:00PM to find daughter arrived safely in Costa Rica
Got my first blog followers - thanks Jen and Trisha
Got my first blog comment / compliment - thanks John
Got my first face-to-face blog compliment - thanks Lisa
Got my first person telling another about my blog - Lisa to Kathy
I'm like Matt BLOG-oavich (from Illinois) with better hair
Now off to the Y-M-C-A (I know you just sang that) for 6 miles on the elliptical.
I will do one more blog early tomorrow morning before heading to Cleveland to see The Cavaliers take on the Detroit Pistons. Maybe the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame too? Then I won't do another until probably Tuesday morning...let the withdrawals begin.
I think tomorrow's topic will be Poker and Golf vs. Tupperware and Toys
Thanks a lot for listening/reading. I really do appreciate you!
Why Am I Here?
My name is Matt Helser. I am a middle-aged man of middle height (5'9"), newly middle weight (189 lbs.), living a middle class life, in the middle of America (Illinois). I had always thought that I was smart but as I am becoming older I realize I am probably somewhere in the middle intellectually too. I usually see both sides of most issues so I often am a middle man. You get the picture...I am a boring average guy - makes you really want to read a blog doesn't it? I don't know who would want to read my blog but MySpace and Facebook have shown us that people want to read anything and connect with everyone about everything so...HERE I AM...connect with me!
I was recently laid-off from my job of 16 years. I worked in construction management, middle management of course, and with the slow housing market I was let go. I have been off work for about 10 months. I do work part-time doing customer service I guess you'd call it at sporting events, concerts...at a local sports venue. I don't want to name it because I'm probably not supposed to and being Middle Man I try to go by most of the rules; playing it safe in the middle. I have an 18-year-old daughter that is going to college next year and a 13-year-old son who is in 7th grade and plays basketball and baseball. I have been married to my college sweetheart (Jill) for 22 years. Though I do not consider any of my family members middle or average we are: husband/wife/daughter/son/dog - average-sized (middle) family as I guess it would be.
With me being out of work Jill figures I am or will become depressed because I have a male ego (comes with being a male I suppose) and I should channel my feelings toward the new-aged high tech shrink known as blogging. She didn't put it that way - it was more like "you should start a blog" as a sort of "support group" with other guys who are out of work. Isn't that what the bar and golf course are for? But we just watched the movie Julie and Julia which actually sparked the idea for her. I have always loved writing - was the news editor of my college paper (kind of a middle editor) and I write in a journal while I'm waiting between my son's basketball games or waiting in an airport... I have tried several time to write books and movie scripts but somewhere always stop somewhere in the middle...this middle thing is becoming kinda monotonous so I will stop because you have the point by now. (side note - I really liked the movie Julie and Julia - I am a movie buff and I love "chick-flicks" - I am probably 47% chick which is why I get along so well with women, probably better than I do with men.
I don't want to make these blogs too long and become boring to read. I want people to be interested and to come back and share their experiences and advise with me too so I will make it a "stay tunes for the next episode of..." kind of a thing. Leaving a cliff-hanger? I will offer cooking advise, movie reviews, parenting tips, my pursuit of work...pretty much my views on anything and everything.
So my wife knows, because even though I am 47% estrogen the part that is testosterone won't let me share my feelings, I am depressed most of the time but that is just part of being a male of our species. It just becomes worse when you aren't doing what America makes us believe we should do - be the bread winner for our family. I am very proud of Jill and all the hard work she does and I do not have a problem with her being the bread-winner. I do however, want to do my share and it's going to take some getting used to for me to realize that my share might just be being "dad's taxi", doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and the things that were historically, in America, women's work. I take it as a great compliment to be compared to women; they have worked harder than men (at least as hard) for centuries and have quietly let us think we were so great. Women have been called the fairer sex. I believe it to be true in more ways than the one intended. We don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies - enough said!
In my next blog I will talk about why it is harder to be a man than it ever has been before (at least in my lifetime) and how my recent weight loss has made things better and, ironically, worse. (That's my cliff-hanger - how could losing weight make things worse?)
I was recently laid-off from my job of 16 years. I worked in construction management, middle management of course, and with the slow housing market I was let go. I have been off work for about 10 months. I do work part-time doing customer service I guess you'd call it at sporting events, concerts...at a local sports venue. I don't want to name it because I'm probably not supposed to and being Middle Man I try to go by most of the rules; playing it safe in the middle. I have an 18-year-old daughter that is going to college next year and a 13-year-old son who is in 7th grade and plays basketball and baseball. I have been married to my college sweetheart (Jill) for 22 years. Though I do not consider any of my family members middle or average we are: husband/wife/daughter/son/dog - average-sized (middle) family as I guess it would be.
With me being out of work Jill figures I am or will become depressed because I have a male ego (comes with being a male I suppose) and I should channel my feelings toward the new-aged high tech shrink known as blogging. She didn't put it that way - it was more like "you should start a blog" as a sort of "support group" with other guys who are out of work. Isn't that what the bar and golf course are for? But we just watched the movie Julie and Julia which actually sparked the idea for her. I have always loved writing - was the news editor of my college paper (kind of a middle editor) and I write in a journal while I'm waiting between my son's basketball games or waiting in an airport... I have tried several time to write books and movie scripts but somewhere always stop somewhere in the middle...this middle thing is becoming kinda monotonous so I will stop because you have the point by now. (side note - I really liked the movie Julie and Julia - I am a movie buff and I love "chick-flicks" - I am probably 47% chick which is why I get along so well with women, probably better than I do with men.
I don't want to make these blogs too long and become boring to read. I want people to be interested and to come back and share their experiences and advise with me too so I will make it a "stay tunes for the next episode of..." kind of a thing. Leaving a cliff-hanger? I will offer cooking advise, movie reviews, parenting tips, my pursuit of work...pretty much my views on anything and everything.
So my wife knows, because even though I am 47% estrogen the part that is testosterone won't let me share my feelings, I am depressed most of the time but that is just part of being a male of our species. It just becomes worse when you aren't doing what America makes us believe we should do - be the bread winner for our family. I am very proud of Jill and all the hard work she does and I do not have a problem with her being the bread-winner. I do however, want to do my share and it's going to take some getting used to for me to realize that my share might just be being "dad's taxi", doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and the things that were historically, in America, women's work. I take it as a great compliment to be compared to women; they have worked harder than men (at least as hard) for centuries and have quietly let us think we were so great. Women have been called the fairer sex. I believe it to be true in more ways than the one intended. We don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies - enough said!
In my next blog I will talk about why it is harder to be a man than it ever has been before (at least in my lifetime) and how my recent weight loss has made things better and, ironically, worse. (That's my cliff-hanger - how could losing weight make things worse?)
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