TL; DR

Congratulations, you are one of the minority. Friday when I wrote the blog and promoted it on Facebook and Twitter and the like I wondered to myself, "self, why do we have so many more Facebook 'likers' for Dirty Laundry Podcast than I do for Matt In The Middle?" I asked Cha Cha why she thought that was and she said that "people don't like to read." So, I asked her if maybe I should start reading my blog as a podcast. Then I read yesterday's blog to her and she chuckled but it seemed kind of dry to me. Maybe I should shorten the blog and read a week's worth at a time. It wouldn't take as long to do the blog as a podcast because there would be very little editing; I would just read it to you. I could put some instrumental music behind my velvety fog I guess. I know, however, eventually I would want to add more sound effects and the like and then I would be editing two podcasts. Another crossroad for Matt In The Middle. Cha Cha mentioned that I could do really short ones and call them Matt's Daily Affirmations or something. I would have to work on that but, like I need something else to contemplate, I have something else to think about. Speaking of Dirty Laundry Podcast - I need to get that edited and uploaded here pretty soon.

So you know - you are reading this today but I wrote it yesterday. TIME WARP! I wrote these two paragraphs right after I posted  Friday's blog. Is your head spinning?

I finished this blog yesterday (Saturday) but for some reason it would not save so I am "finishing" the blog again today. I do not remember what I wrote so I suppose the blog gods didn't approve of what I had written and they are wanting me to redo it so I am redoing it. I am the only one who read the non-existent blog from yesterday and I cannot remember 60% of anything anymore so, it is lost for the ages. Some people get exasperated that they cannot remember things as they age but I find great solace in it. It is frustrating sometimes but if you just roll with it it is quite liberating.

The busy season started at my work Thursday. One thing about my job is that we can pretty much KNOW when we are going to be busy. We will be busy from now until shortly before Christmas with a few exceptions around holidays and then we we will be slow for about a month and then be busy again until Spring. At that time we will be slow for a week or so and then pick-up again until summer when we will be REALLY slow for about three months. I so much more like work when we are busy; the time goes faster and I feel like I am helping many more people. I have an inane desire to help people. There are worse desires.

Yesterday we went and did school clothes shopping for Fabio. We had a good day. I like shopping with him because he knows what he wants and it is quick and fairly painless. He does, however, have kind of expensive tastes. It's family days like yesterday that really makes me miss Splenda. She is living her life and I am very proud of her; she's doing some very good things.

Tomorrow Cha Cha has surgery. I have to take off work a couple of hours early tonight to take her. I am glad we have FMLA (I think that stands for Family Medical Leave Act or something) at work. I am new to all of this stuff because I rarely use my sick time and I have never used this option. I think I have like 200 hours of sick time or something "in the bank." It accumulates all of the time and I don't use it. Maybe I am stupid? Maybe you're suppose to pretend your sick and use these days. I figure there may come a time when I really need a lot of sick time and I want to be able to take the time because I have it and the powers-that-be will say, "wow, he must really be sick if he's using his sick time." Again, many of the scenarios that I have in my head that are probably poppy-cock. There are many people at work who seem to be sick all the time and are in "deduct" with their sick time. How is that even possible? So, I am borrowing against my future sick time earnings? I wonder if I could sell some of my sick hours to other people? That would be awesome.

I am not sure if I will blog tomorrow. I don't know how long the surgery will take and doubt they will have WiFi there but I will take my computer just in case. I also, as I said, need to get the podcast edited. What is today, Sunday?  Have a great rest of your weekend (sorry yours is winding down). Thank you for hitching your computer here for a spell; it always makes me smile when I see that you were here.

Blog ya later. TTTT or the next T...MITM (out) TA!

Lies, Lies, Lies.

As kids we were all told a bunch of stupid stuff by our parents. I know most of these lies and/or ignorant phrases were made to control us but I still remember them and ignore them today. I have been swimming less than an hour after eating many times since I was a youngster. Sometimes I think I have even had food in the water. I bet mother sharks never told their sharklings not to swim an hour after eating. Do you think fish tell their kids "don't go near the shore an hour after eating?" They should tell them that worms don't normally live in the water. "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." If I followed this advise people would think I was mute. "Money doesn't grow on trees." That may be true for coins but when paper money was invented that sort of became a lie too since paper comes from trees. I know I am old but as long as I have been alive there has been paper money. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?" Our dog is like 14 years old and we teach her new stuff all the time. "Sticks and stones may break your bones but words (or names) will never hurt you." That is half true; sticks and stones could break your bones very easily but I have been hurt many, many more times by words in my life than I have been by sticks and stones combined. I have had many broken bones in my day too but I don't think a stick or a stone was ever involved in any of these incidents. One time wooden stairs were involved so maybe that is sort of stickish. We were told to eat all of our food because there were starving children in Africa (unless you want to go swimming within an hour). Again, there were and are starving children in Africa but why didn't we just sent them the food we shouldn't have been overeating. There are starving people everywhere in the world, including in the U.S.of A., and we have become the most overweight country in the world because of these words. I guess words, even if meant to be good intentions, can hurt us eventually. They never put a time limit on the "hurt" did they? There were the other ones too like: Santa can't bring you that because his sleigh isn't big enough, go outside with wet hair and you'll get sick, be good or we'll send you away to live with gypsies (that one would have been cool now that I know what I know), if you swallow watermelon seeds a watermelon will grow in your stomach, keep making that face and your face will stay that way (I would be better looking if I had listened to this one)... The list goes on and on and on. This may be the book I have been wanting to write. This one actually could be an encyclopedia maybe?

Pretty Accurate as I See it

I am not sure why I thought to write that paragraph. I usually like to have smaller paragraphs because long paragraphs seem daunting and makes the whole thing look longer (TWSS). I really had an idea that stemmed from one of those fabrications and, by the time I got to the computer, I had forgotten where I was going so I went in a different direction. Maybe my parents should have told me, "appreciate your memory because before you know it you won't be able to remember anything and then you'll have to make up lies to tell your kids."

Today is the day that the astrological sign Virgo takes over. I fall under this sign and they say that we're: practical, thoughtful and reserved. Given those generalizations maybe my parents lied about my birth date too. I am thoughtful but I am generally not very practical and rarely am I reserved. Since I was born abroad on a military base I have dog tags and my birth date on them is off by two days. I always got some cock and bull story about that but now it makes sense. And, it was difficult for me to get my passport awhile back (if you'll remember). Curiouser and curiouser.

I was sad when I heard that Christian Bale was not going to play Batman again but now I am even sadder when I hear that Ben Affleck is going to play him. I even would rather have had George Clooney or Michael Keaton play the caped-crusader. I can think of a dozen or so people right off the top of my head that would be better. The movie, so my people tell me, is going to be with Batman and Superman. The film is actually the sequel to Man of Steel so maybe Batman will have just a small part, The dude who played Superman in the The Man of Steel (Henry Cavill) is gonna play him. The reason that Batman has always been one of my favorite superheroes/crime fighters is that it is possible. There could be a rich dude who could do most of what he is doing. Green Hornet, Captain America and maybe Iron Man too. I like Superman but it seems so much more unbelievable. Now I am worried when they recast The Joker.

That first paragraph got out-of-hand so I should end now. Have a great day. I thank you for stopping by and for reading the blog and for listening to the podcast. The podcast is still in the can (not the bathroom) and I have not begun the editing progress but should have that up on Monday probably. I may blog again tomorrow but being the weekend I will not make that promise at this time. Have a great rest of your Friday. TTT????...MITM (same Matt channel, same Matt time). BYE!

Pruney and Pooped!

Yesterday and today were certainly eventful. My brother has been in from Hawaii and Saturday we went to  the Cubs-Cardinals game which was fun. That probably has something to do with the Cardinals winning. Yesterday we went to a place called K1 Speed in Addison. They have adult go-carts. These suckers fly. Fishtails, spin-outs... It was A LOT of fun. Then we went to Dave and Buster's which was less than a mile away. Fabio and I: shot baskets, killed zombies and took care of third world assassins while I had a chicken Caesar salad and he had a cheeseburger and fries. My parents even liked the food there which was a good thing. What a great day. Then Cha Cha and I recorded the podcast. I am not sure when I will get it edited but it is recorded.

Today I went to work at 05:00. Normally today I would not even start work for another five hours but today I am done already. I worked until 15:75 and I get OT after 7.5 hours so woohoo! I stood in the MIDDLE of the street for 10.75 hours directing traffic in pouring down rain. It doesn't rain for weeks and weeks but when I am working outside it pours. I am glad I like the rain (even the pouring-down kind). I found the chink in my waterproof Nike work boots because of the deluge. If it rains like Hurricane Katrina the water will come in through the shoelace holes and soak me slowly. By the end of my shift my fingers and toes were all pruney. Or is that prunie? Spell-check doesn't recognize either option but they looked like prunes. So, now I don't have to go in until 22:00 tomorrow and my phalanges should be de-pruned by then. Speaking of phalanges - my stub hurts too (yes I said stub).

I got home and cleaned the kitchen and finished getting those book cases built. I was already almost done but needed to do a bit of nailing.

Until I started writing this I didn't realize that I am spent. I could have kept going for days and days non-stop at work but now that I have stopped I am done. Ridden hard and put-away wet. Literally!

I think I am gonna lie down for a bit. I thought this was a good idea but I am too pooped to blog. I will probably blog again tomorrow. Sorry for the tease but you know I am still alive this way I guess. Have a great night and I will catch you later. Thanks for stopping in. TTTT (probably)...MITM (pooped) TA!

Clarence Oddbloggy

It has been over a month since I blogged. There is no particular reason that it's been so long since the last blog, it just has. My creative outlet has been Dirty Laundry Podcast mostly but, all of a sudden, that doesn't seem to be enough; at least for today. So, here I blog again. Tomorrow night we will record our 124th show. I still love doing the show as much as I did when we did our very first Load but I always want more.

I am thinking that maybe I am blogging because I am feeling melancholy and hope to figure out what is up by writing (my therapy). I believe that's why a lot of the great writers that I admire and respect from days gone-by wrote and perhaps by me not writing I have caused my own funk (not the smelly kind). They probably always drank a lot also huh? I have always found great pleasure in cooking too so I went shopping today and I have made a huge salad (in the fridge cajeeling) and assembled a meatloaf that is in the pan ready to be cooked. It is a turkey meatloaf but the carnivores in the house will never know the difference. There's something soothing about cutting tomatoes, hard-boiling and slicing eggs and chopping: broccoli, cauliflower, onion, carrots, pepperonchinis... After I am done blogging, while the meatloaf cooks for an hour or so, I will put together a couple of bookshelves (this is where the Charles Ingalls therapy comes into play). If Twain and Ingalls and Hemingway cannot help I am beyond repair. It is the end of the month too so maybe the Mattstruation thing is still holding strong even though I am closer to Mattopause. When does the change of life happen?

Soon I will be half-a-century old and I don't take great credence in age being an issue in many things but maybe someplace in the back of my mind I am starting to be going through one of my George Bailey phases. I do this from time-to-time. I think it is human nature to think "what if" sometimes. I do not think "what if" about my family decisions; I would not change a thing in that department but maybe I would make different personal choices if I ran my car into a tree in Bedford Falls tonight. Sometimes I feel like I have let a lot of people down throughout the years; I guess I just always expect more from myself. I think that is a good thing but it is tough on the ego sometimes. Maybe a trip to Martini's tonight will help?

We talked about our week in Wisconsin on the past two or three podcasts so I will not go into much detail here (you'll have to listen to the shows for that) but there were several things that have happened subsequently directly related to that week that have made me reexamine some of my thoughts and beliefs. I am not speaking about religion or seeing Big Foot or a Chupacabra or anything but some of my thoughts about some people have been reinforced (good and bad). I like being correct about things but that doesn't make me happy to learn that there is no Santa Claus (hypothetically, of course, as we all know there is a Jolly Old St. Nick). I will have to bury some of those feeling deep down but I wear a lot on my sleeves so I have my work cut out for me for the next 50 years or so. Vague much?

Maybe some of these dark feelings come from the chance meeting of a young lady I encountered last night. I cannot talk about any particulars about this for moral and professional reasons but it made me think about how life is such a fragile thing that teeters on so many things. I feel, in some very small way, that I helped her last night and things like this is why I really enjoy doing what I do. I have always had a need and desire to help people. It may border on unhealthy for me but why did Batman and the like do things to help people? Not to mention real life heroes like men and women who serve their countries every day.

My brother is in town from Hawaii. We went to the Cubs - Cardinals game at Wrigley Field Saturday. we had a really good time. My team won so I was even happier. In fact, they have not lost since we were at the game (3-0 since Saturday). You're welcome Cardinals! Tomorrow we are going to Addison to do some like super fast go-carts that he found out about. Like Fast and Furious baby. I guess we have to wear helmets and everything; I am looking forward to it. If you want to get you butt beat I'll be there at noon to school you on driving.

Has anybody seen the meat thermometer?

I find that I need to be entertained 100% of the time. What happened to those days when it was okay just to do one thing? I really miss those days when it was cool to lie in the yard and just stare up at the clouds. I guess even that was doing something; trying to see different shapes in them. It was like self analysis - a Rorschach test in the sky.

The meatloaf if about cooked (in the oven for over an hour now) so I had better wrap up. I cannot say when I will blog again but I have enjoyed this time with you. If you would like any specific details about any of the things I blogged about today send we a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope) or catch me in person when I have a Mattgarita or two in me and I will spill (not literally). Thanks a lot for coming back after so long; it warm the cockles of my heart to feel the love. Have a great night and however long it is until next time. TTT?...MITM (gone to mash potatoes) out. TA!

A Whistle Wishes it Were this Clean

I just got done taking my third shower in less than fifteen hours. It's funny how you don't smell any better after three showers than you do after one. Do you suppose you're cleaner after three or are you either clean or not clean? I took a shower last night before going to work, I took one after working-out this morning and then I just now gone done taking the third after mowing the lawn and working on the boat in the very hot weather that finally arrived. Where do you suppose that phrase "clean as a whistle" comes from? I was really happy that the boat motor, once I charged the battery for a couple of days, fired right up. I love the sound of that Chevy 350 engine. Maybe we should drop that engine in the Fiat. There would have to be several modifications as I think the motor weighs more than the Fiat.

For the people in my part of the MIDDLEwest I apologize for the weather tomorrow. Fabio and I have tickets to the Kane County Cougars' game tomorrow night. The last time we had tickets to the Cougars' game there was a tornado and some very terrible weather in these parts and that game was cancelled. They are talking heat of around 100 degrees and a chance of rain. The Cougars are playing the Great Lakes Loons. I think it's straight jacket night.

I am sleepy. I am also dopey, sometimes grumpy, rarely bashful, doc on occasion, sneezy a lot this time of year and happy just about all of the time. But for now - I am really just sleepy. I focused my work-out this morning mostly on my core, my legs and my endurance. I wanted to give my arms a rest because I have always heard that you have to let the torn muscles come back a bit before you tear them again so they can grow. The aching has subsided a bit too so tomorrow morning I can tear my biceps and triceps again.

I have some funny things to talk about but we are recording Dirty Laundry Podcast tonight and I plan most of that for the show - I prefer not to be a media double-dipper. Sometimes it happens but I try to avoid it if I am cognoscente. Whore, yes. Double-dipper - no! In the meantime the newest show (Load #118) has only been up since Sunday so you may or may not have heard that one yet. It's also available free on iTunes if I have only mentioned it 999,999 times. Just search Dirty Laundry Podcast. I think I may start launching them on Sundays from here on out.

I think I have to wrap up. Do you think they have WiFi at Fifth Third Bank Ballpark, home of the Kane County Cougars? I just went to their website and they figure that they will reach their 10,000,000th fan entering the ballpark during this current home-stand. Fabio is one of the luckiest people I know so he will probably be # 10,000,000. The 10,000,000th fan will get: to throw out the first pitch, a #10 jersey (Fabio already has an autographed Cougars' jersey that he won as we walked by Ryne Sandburg in the dugout and on the field), an autographed team bat, a "customized" 10-game ticket package for 2014 and get "recognized" after the game - whatever that means. SHOW ME THE MONEY! I still don't know about WiFi but tomorrow night is "Bark In The Park" where people can bring their dogs. We are not going to bring Maisy. 100 degrees? She'd hate it.

How many Cubs games am I gonna see this year? Cripes!

I am gonna nap now so I can be my usual charming and pleasant Agitator when Cha Cha gets home. Have a great night; stay cool. I thank you, as always, for stopping in. If you're gonna be at the game tomorrow we are in section 106, row C, seats 1 and 2, Come on down and I will buy you a beverage. *Limited to the first three visitors. Tornadoes void all beverages* TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Anytime Blogness!

The George Zimmerman murder trial is over. We live in a country where we are "innocent until proven guilty" so, even though I don't agree with the verdict, I believe in the afore mentioned principle so I accept the decision. The information we hear in the press isn't always heard in the courtroom for many reasons. I know the press in our country has to fill 24 hours each day of news so I know there is a lot of innuendo and conjecture in what they say and it is up to the court to decide what is admissible. I am sure there will be appeals and I have heard (in the press that I just mentioned) that people are trying to figure out how to try this case federally for a race crime now. For now I accept the decision because that is one of the principles that our lives in this country are based on. I will wait to ignore the book that will now make George Zimmerman millions of dollars until I change my mind. If you want to kill someone without penalty move to Florida.

Cha Cha and I have joined a new fitness club near our home. I was going to say health club but I am not sure if that is even a term anymore and I am not sure what constitutes the "health" part. Anyway, we joined Anytime Fitness. It is exactly what it sounds like - any time. It is open 24 hours a day around the calendar (trademark/copyright). This morning I got home from work and she was already dressed to go to work-out. We worked-out yesterday and today and hope to continue every day. We were there for an hour today and 1 1/2 hours yesterday. It is great right now but it is brand new; even all people are great when they are brand new. It kind of looks like a terrarium. It is very bright and mostly ceiling to floor windows. When we have been there it was early both days and the bright morning sun was beating in the East windows and we had to start our work-outs on the bikes, treadmills...wearing our sunglasses. I guess sweating helps but I cannot tell whether I am sweating from the magnified sun or the workout or both. Hopefully they will get some blinds up there soon. The things that ache the most on me are my triceps. I love that ache. I also notice that working-out regularly always makes me more conscious of my diet too so maybe I will get some of this weight that has been creeping back on again off. As I type this I discover that my forearms are aching too - love it!

After a hiatus (almost giving-up) Dirty Laundry Podcast is back. Cha Cha says it's very good but I have not listened to the final product in it's whole yet. I edited it and that requires listening in bits and pieces and I usually wait to listen to the entire show for a couple of days so I can be divorced from all of the stress and aggravation of assembling all of the pieces into the final product. If it sucked Cha Cha would say so though. Tomorrow we record another show already - yikes.

I just got back from taking Fabio over to Target so he could apply for a job. We then stopped at Portillo's where I got the grilled tuna Caesar salad. I am using Paul Newman's Own Lite Raspberry and Walnut dressing rather than the Caesar dressing. Fabio said he might like to apply at Portillo's too. This will be his first job - ah, to be 16 again.

This morning when I came home from work there were cans of Arizona Iced Tea and Skittles' wrappers neatly wrapped around the base of our Neighborhood Watch sign at the front of our subdivision. Whoever did that is very, very clever and poignant and topical. Was it aimed at our Neighborhood Watch? Was it some kind of an agitator? Was it simply an honorarium for Trayvon Martin? I should have taken a photo I guess but then, when I put it on Facebook, people would think that I did it and I cannot accept credit for something this brilliant. Well done!

I have to try to take a nap before work. Thanks for stopping in and listening to the podcast. Have a great Friday Monday night. TTTT (probably)...MITM (out). TA!

The Ukraine Girls Wanna Knock Me Out!

Our bartenders at Brando's Speakeasy.

Hi again. I don't know if I am going to finish the story of Chicago today because A) I am not really sure if I remember it all which is why I checked-in on Facebook continuously that day/night in hopes that those check-ins would spark my memory and, B) I am really tired. I got off of work at 06:00 and came home and got about five hours of sleep. I then went and got the boat (there was no issue as I imagined in previous blogs), I brought the boat home and uncovered it and hooked it up to the battery charger then I went and picked-up the lawnmower at the repair shop... I have to get a nap before work or it will be a REALLY LONG night (TWSS). I LOVE falling asleep watching Cubs games but have never tried while they are playing the St. Louis Cardinals.

So, where was I? We left the game early because the Angels were blowing-out the Cubs and I think we were really out to drink rather than watch baseball. I really don't drink all that much (alcohol I mean) these days though I have had my share in the past. Maybe it was trying to recapture some of our yute. Greg and I met in college and went to two different colleges together. We also had a special bond because we played ball together and he played second base and I played shortstop - it's a bromantic story. I don't remember if we got on the Red Line again and went to a bar or we went to a bar before we got on the Red Line. But, according to my "check-ins" we went to Brando's Speakeasy on Dearborn. Anybody who knows me knows that I am one of those friendly, loving drunks. There were two black guys and a black woman celebrating a birthday at a corner table (we were sitting at the bar, of course) so I walked over and sat down. It was his 43rd birthday so I bought him a drink (his friend told me to buy him a Zima but they didn't have Zima so he got whatever he wanted - I cannot remember, shockingly, what that was). Brando's was a very nice place. By the time we left I knew everybody in the place. I was Norm Peterson in so many ways. They had karaoke but Greg and I weren't that drunk. I think we spent quite a bit of time there and then headed to the train. Of course, we missed the train that we wanted so we had to wait at Union Station for the last train of the night. We waited right there we didn't want to sleep in the sewers.

Our bartenders at Slugger's (they wanted me)

As long as we were waiting we went to McDonald's in the train station. I started asking everyone where they were from and the girls behind us were from the Ukraine. I offered to buy their food for them but I think they thought I was a creeper and said no. They are very wise to be in Chicago and not let a drunk stranger buy them food. The homeless-looking skateboarders in front of us from California said I could buy there's but they were getting a lot of food and I think seriously were like vagabonds or drifters or hobos... I gave them $5 so they didn't have to count too much of their change out. The Ukraine girls who wanted to knock me out (couldn't help it, sorry) saw that I was not a creeper though they still were smart not to take french fries from a stranger. I think we soon got on the train and headed home. Time goes much faster when you don't have anywhere to be and you are drunk in a train station with Ukraine girls and homeless California skateboarders.

While on the train, watching Greg sleep, a guy in the seat up top fell out of his seat and the cops come over to see if he fell out of his seat because he was dead (he was not dead). They asked him, "did you know that you fell out of your seat?" I did not hear his response but he was lying on the floor upstairs on a train. Pretty sure he had a good idea he wasn't at home in his bed or this is a weird-ass dream. The engineer or whatever the guy who runs the train is called these days came over the speaker and said, " Mechanical train problems... we are going to try to make it to Westmont and see what happens." Things like that just add seasoning to a story; I rarely sweat that kind of stuff anymore. I have blogs and podcasts to do... I need stories and adventure. And, I have seen Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Anyway, we kept going and stopped at all of the stops and got back and we lived to tell the tale. I know I left LOTS out but if you are not easily embarrassed by our out-going and adventurous natures Greg and I are available for bachelorette  parties or just a night out (we are both off on Wednesday nights if you are looking to hire us - VERY CHEAP).

I have been writing for five innings now and am gonna miss my nap if I don't wrap up now. Thanks for listening to me try to recall one night in my life. We had a great time; that much I do know. Just writing my adventures even makes me sleepy. The next Major League game I am scheduled to attend is August 17th (Cubs / Cards) when my brother is home from Hawaii. He's single. Maybe I will have to introduce he and Fabio to my bartender friends at Slugger's. I'm such a Pimp Matty! Have a great Frinight. TTT?...MITM (out)! GO CARDS!!!!!!