Bury My Heart...

Before they brought me here from Germany (still buta Kraut then) 

I did not think I would feel like blogging today but I feel that blogging helps me deal with things, sometimes, so I am blogging. I would normally be at work right now but I am taking a vacation day today and, for the rest of the four days that are normally my work days, I have grievance days because of the passing of my mother. My mom was taken to a hospital near the place where she was convalescing after her heart had stopped for 15 minutes. I had visited her in the various nursing homes she was sent to over the many months. Fortunately, her immediate family was able to get to the hospital once my dad called and said the doctors had told him that she that she would die any minute. She managed to hang-on for more than a day so: I, Jill (my wife), Chloe (her only granddaughter) and Noah (her only grandson) could say goodbye. There were a lot of tears as she managed to hang-on for more than a day. Some of us were able to be with her until the end though, sadly, some had to leave for life's obligations. The doctors told us that hearing was one of the last things that go when someone is dying like this. I am not sure if that is true or not but it did give us some closure as we could tell her how we loved her so. We talked about all of the great memories and I think these things helped all of us.The saddest part of the ordeal was her, seemingly, constantly gasping for breath even though she was hooked-up to oxygen. Her face was sunken so she looked like a breathing skeleton; I will never get that imagine to leave my mind. Her eye sockets were sunken, she did not have her false teeth in  and her cheeks were gaunt... I suppose that imagine will leave my mind as I think of her in her vibrant times.

My dad and I are going back up to Rockford tomorrow to help finalize some of the details for the funeral and visitation Friday and Saturday. We had not been able to meet with the man presiding over the service but can tomorrow. We are also going to take clothes for her to be dressed in and such. I have also decided to speak at the funeral though I may get broken-up from time to time. I am hoping that all of those college courses and working in radio and television will help me to muddle through.

I have been watching Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee on HBO GO off-and-on all morning. Of course, I cannot help but think about the time when my parents, I and my brother Marc went to The Black Hills in South Dakota on one of our many family vacations.We had a lot of great vacations when we were kids. We always drove so we had the opportunity to, literally, see the United States from the window. I was going to say that I did not fly in an airplane until I started flying for work or when Jill and I got married but, though I do not remember this trip, I first flew home from Germany (where I was born) when I was eight-months old. Death, for me, generally causes me to forget the hard times and remember mostly the good. My mom, just like me and everyone who has ever lived, did things that I consider things that one would not do unless in a moment of passion but those things are forgotten quickly.

My dad just called to ask for my advise on mom's clothes and jewelry and such for the funeral. Even though my mom has been in and out of nursing homes and convalescent homes and hospitals and so-forth over the past many months (maybe years) I can tell that he is very lonely now. It's almost as if his main purpose, looking after and taking care of mom, is gone and he is lost. I comforted him as best I could and we talked about clothes and jewelry and stuff to take to the nursing home tomorrow morning. I told him to take a few different things and we could decide with the funeral director's assistance. He has a green outfit picked out and the casket we picked for her is green and, being a very proud Irish person, she would have loved to be buried in green, They also said we could put anything we wanted into the casket with her so he asked if he could put the battery-operated cat (companion cat) in the coffin with her. Of course, I said yes. We both agreed that taking the batteries out of the cat was a good idea because, can you imagine the cat moving while people were walking by my mom? Sounds like a funeral produced by Stephen King. The cat looks and acts very real.

I am considering getting a hotel room in Rockford for Friday night since we would be in town Friday night for the visitation and back there again early Saturday for the funeral itself. With the weather possibly being typical winter-like it kinda makes sense. We're not that far - we can just drive I suppose.

Thanks a lot for letting me drone-on. I feel a bit better from getting some things off my mind. I hope everything is well where you are and I will try to blog again when things are a bit less hectic. I don't have to be back to work for a week from today so I am sure I can write something between now and then. I hope you and yours are safe. TTT?...MITM (out).