One of Most Famous Missing Person Stories Ever Linked to the MIDDLEwest?

I know I blogged last night but I am up and what else am I supposed to to at 3:23 in the morning? I already cleaned the kitchen and I am doing laundry (not the Dirty Laundry Podcast kind but the real laundry - not that the podcast isn't real but you know what I mean.)  

For some reason I have always been fascinated with Charles Lindbergh, Amelia Earhart,... I love to fly, I love airports, I love lay-overs, I love diversions, I love cavity searches watching people at airports... I love pretty much everything surrounding the whole deal. There are times that airport travel stinks but it is always worth it no matter what to me. One of the places that I have always wanted to go, since I heard about it ten minutes ago, has been Nikumaroro Island. The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery (TIGHAR) is interested in this island too it seems. Did you say "T I double-guh Er" in your head too? While studying the island the group found pieces of a small cosmetic jar that, when they reassembled the pieces, it turned out to be a jar of an ointment with some snake-oil that was supposed to make freckles fade. What was an ointment jar used for Dr.‭ ‬C.‭ ‬H Berry's Freckle Ointment doing on a southwestern Pacific republic of Kiribati island? The island name is pronounced Kiribis. If that's the case why don't we spell it K-I-R-I-B-I-S? That makes no sense to me. Nikumaroro is about 2,500 miles southwest of The Hawaiian Islands. I have seen Samoans with freckles but I am not really sure that they are too concerned with having freckles. Maybe if they are concerned with freckles they should stay out of the sun? The cream was manufactured in Aurora, Illinois (a town where I spent a lot of time in my yute) by The Stillman Company and was marketed and distributed in Chicago and New York by The Dr. C. H. Berry Company. And some people say I do not know how to do research - HA! I laugh in their freckled faces!!!! Anyway, what is a jar that contained this ointment that was most popular in the early 1900's doing in the middle of the south pacific? Was it a bottle that contained a message at one time that just washed-up on the shore of this uncharted desert isle? It was a very small jar so that is unlikely. Amelia Earhart had freckles and it is said that she did not like her freckles. Experts are starting to believe that maybe she crashed near this remote island and died there or perhaps she crashed near there and the jar washed-up on shore with some wreckage. One of Erhart's last heard radio transmissions said her plans were to fly over, among other islands, Gardner Island which is now called Nikumaroro. Amelia was most likely a castaway and died in paradise of old age - I prefer that thought rather than thinking she drowned or blew-up or worse. I think Dr. C. H. Berry's Freckle Ointment may have to be a new podcast sponsor! 

Okay, so I have solved that case - you're welcome history! And, once again, all things lead back to the MIDDLE of the country with Dr. Berry's Freckle Ointment.  

I wonder what is at 2975 Michigan Avenue now?  According to Google Earth it looks like it's near Rogers Chevrolet and it has a pretty good view of Whatchu Talkin' Bout' Willis Tower. Some people call it a Kaiser Blade I call it a Sling Blade Willis Tower but I call it Sears Tower. It is an empty lot near some projects it looks like - maybe Willis and Arnold Jackson used to live there before Mr. Drummond drove up in his big old limo?

Something weird is going on with the fonts and the italics and stuff when I look at today's blog so when you read it and if it is all screwy-looking I tried to fix it and Hal 3000 is doing whatever it wants today. Maybe my mentioning him in the blog by name he will post the blog properly. 

Sorry I got carried away on one thing (freckle ointment) but by the time I did all the research the blog took me about an hour to write when it should have taken about 15 minutes. Now you know what happened to Amelia Earhart before everybody else though so that has to make you feel good? Also, if you want to get rid of freckles you know there may be a way to pay money and not get rid of them. I love freckles so if you're getting rid of them for me please don't. That is not to say I don't like no freckles as I bat from both sides of the plate on the freckles issue though I have a higher average from the freckle side. Enough....shut-up already Matt In The Middle - dang!

Thanks for stopping in and for learning from Matt In The Middle School Rock! I appreciate you keeping me writing. Have a great Monday - Thursday to most of you . TTTT (probably)...MITM (out to find a brown sharpy to add some freckles) TA!

Where's A Guy Gotta Go To Get Five Wives?

They got old just like us!

I swore I would never blog drunk but I never swore that so I can go ahead and do that. Thank you Greg Weindorf for getting me drunk and not taking advantage of me. I had a great lunch with Greg this afternoon and by great I mean he paid (the food and margaritas were good too). If I were ever to leave Cha Cha it would probably be for Greg (not that there's anything wrong with that).

He told me that T=Squeeze and The B-52's are coming to Chicago in July. I am going to see if I can get off that day (from work too) so maybe we can go to that concert. Greg has always been a huge Squeeze fan (the group too) and I have always loved The B-52's (I just watched Memphis Belle, you know). I'll let you know if I can get off work so maybe you can meet us there too....let's make it a party.

I am really tired and I have a terrible headache. I think the headache is allergies and the tiredness  is because I am always tired because I have the weirdest sleep-schedule this side of the Pecos. As soon as I am done with this I am going to bed. Last night I stayed up until about 6AM and I slept for about two hours so, of course, I am sleepy. The four margaritas probably didn't make it any easier to not be sleepy.

We have a new country listening to the Dirty Laundry Podcast but you will have to wait until the next load to find out what country it is. I still need to get a huge world map down here in the new Kajunkles Studio so I don't have to run upstairs to see if this is, in fact, a new country listening. I could move the old map down here but I want a really big one (TWSS) so it is easier to see which countries we are sensations in.
There is a new vodka called Five Wives Vodka that is outlawed in Idaho. You can order Five Wives Vodka in Utah, where you could actually have five wives, but not in Idaho. Maybe because the first wife there would say "I da wife" and the second through the fifth wives would say "I da ho?" Isn't vodka made from potatoes? Isn't Idaho known for their spuds? You'd think that they would be happy to sell anything that used their state product for consumption. The state liquor regulators sent a letter out to all the bars in the state saying, "We feel Five Wives Vodka's concept is offensive to a broad (no pun intended I imagine) segment of our population and will not be carried.” People are too uptight about crap in this country. Vodka my any other name still tastes like whatever you use as a mixer.

Weekends Must Be For Girlfriends!

I think it is pretty funny that Facebook tanked as an IPO (initial public offering) stock. I don't know why I think that is funny but I just like when unpredictable things happen sometimes.It's too bad becasue I am sure Mark Zuckerburg could really use the money. I bet the Winkelvi and Wardo are laughing themselves silly.

My headache is growing and my sleepiness is as well so I think I am going to quite early again. I will try to blog earlier tomorrow and maybe so a little longer (TWHS). Thanks for stopping in and for listening to the podcast - I really really really do appreciate you. Have a Hump Night and tomorrow is your Thursday already - you are so lucky! TTTT...MITM (out to sleep one off) TA!

Memorial Blog

My do I have a Helser-asious Memorial Day hang-over. Not really - just thought it should be bigger than something stupid like St. Patrick's Day (I can call it stupid because I am Irish) and New Year's Eve (I can say that because I am New Years Eveian). The best thing about Memorial Day is they play some of the war movies that you don't get to see very often because they take it upon themselves to have to fill their entire broadcast day on Memorial Day and Pearl Harbor Day (my prediction right now is that someone will play the movie Pearl Harbor on that day) with war movies. Two that I recorded and really love but don't get to see very often are: Memphis Belle and Tuskegee Airmen. I love both of those movies. My favorite war films, if you're keeping track on your Matt In The Middle play-at-home game, are Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers (as long as series' count). I am not sure if this is disjointed but I am listening to Dirty Laundry Podcast while I type and I am not mindidextrious (my new word that means doing more than one thing at a time with your mind).

I just got off work 2 hours and 42 minutes ago and then I took Fabio to school and went grocery shopping and now I am very tired and extremely good-looking (I can say that because I am).

It is less than a month when I travel to The Sunshine State The Constitution State The Dairy State... WHAT THE HELL IS TEXAS' NICKNAME? All the states have them - I live in The Land of Lincoln. Show me? - Missouri. Lone Star!!!!! I think I've got it! Some buddies and I every couple of years take baseball trips. Our first one was the final year of the old Yankee Stadium (the one that Ruth built) and Shea Stadium. We also went to Philadelphia that year but the Phillies game got rained out but we couldn't go to the make-up game because we had Mets' duckets (yes, I said duckets). We managed to  make it to Atlantic City that year too and my buddy Randy and I bot walked away from the blackjack table a couple dozen sawbucks heavier! Then, a couple of years ago, we went to Orioles, Phillies (actually did not rain this time) and Nationals games. We also went to The Babe Ruth Museum in Baltimore - I really liked Baltimore because I love crab cakes - bot being one and eating them. so this year we are going to Houston and Arlington. We are going to see one Astros' game before they jump over to the American League and two Rangers' games. The second Rangers' game we're going to see will be nationally televised and I bet "W." (pronounced "dubya") is there. The President we had before the one we have now.

I'd rather have a bird in the hand

I have to get some sleep so I think I shall move on to the land of nod. Thanks for stopping in and I should be able to blog again tomorrow after I get some sleep. I hope you have a great day and I will be dreaming about you (this doesn't apply to everyone reading this - JUST YOU!!!!). Please listen to the Dirty Laundry Podcast because it's the only way I measure whether or not I am loved. I know that is messed-up but I need hard numbers (TWSS) to see how much I am loved liked tolerated. TTT most likely T...MITM (go ahead and poke me if I snore - TWIS) TA!

I Feel Like I am in the Way-Back Machine

I wish I could get paid for all of my "likes" in life

It's Humpday - my second favorite day of the week. You don't really want to know what my first favorite day of the week is. This is an especially nice day becasue Splenda is home form college for the summer. So far Fabio and Splenda haven't fought once; actually they have gotten along famously. I never really knew where that term "got along famously" meant but I always have liked the sound of it and I use it whenever it's appropriate - which I think this may be the first time.

I have not been motivated to blog since Thursday so I didn't. I like blogging and I don't want it to feel like a chore so I just do it when I want to. There are enough "have-to's" in life so I don't need any more. I am listening to Pandora Radio - the Train Station (hah...the Train Station LOL). I looked at the "channels" that I had saved and I really have diverse musical tastes: Ludwig Von Beethoven, Forest Sun, The Police, Queen, Elton John, Rob Thomas, Jimmy Buffett, Maroon 5, Mishka, Kenny Chesney, Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, Playing For Change, Xavier Rudd, Meditation Sleep, Nature Sounds... (when I type it out I guess it isn't that diverse after all). I need to add some more stations. If you haven't checked out Pandora I highly recommend it. It's free (there are a few commercials here and there) and it has introduced me to some new artists that I really like (like Forest Sun). You just type in who you like and it will give you stuff about them and when you listen they will play songs that are similar and if you don't like it you can click the "down thumb" and they won't play it again. It kinda gets an idea of hat you like and will show you something you might like while playing lots of the one you originally searched for. I really have to figure out how to get paid for these free endorsements I give out here and on the podcast; I just do it because I like you and want to let you in on something you might like but why can't I do that and get a little scratch here and there? Maybe if I were getting paid I would promote things I really didn't believe in and I wouldn't want that because I don't like to steer my friends wrong on purpose.

The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and I already listened to it twice yesterday while doing yard work (mowing, watering,,,). Why in the Helser do I set up sprinklers in the yard right after I mow it? It has rained off-and-on quite a bit lately but after one day of no rain all of the lawns in our subdivision were turning brown. That's becasue our asshole builder, track housing company that is out of business because sometimes assholes get what they deserve even though the owners are probably still really rich and just screwed all of their employees, took all of the black dirt that was originally on our lot and sold it to someone else. They replaced it with crappy clay that nothing will grow on and threw sod and grass seed down and now we have been here for nearly eight years and we still have to baby our lawn. This is land in probably one of the most fertile area in the country. We live in DeKalb! This is where the world-wide DeKalb Corn logo comes from. This is the town where barbed wire was invented so you would think we'd be able to grow some grass for  for crying out loud. I sure am fired-up for 4AM - that's the farm life of a city boy. I never really thought about it but I am the city mouse that married the country mouse. Make sure to listen to the podcast this week so you can hear about how much we love our Home Owners' Association and The Covenant. Love may not be the proper adjective there.

But Black Dirt Doesn't!

I just switched the Queen station (full disclosure). I really miss Freddie Mercury. The music world just lost the second "disco-type" singer this week. Robin Gibb of the Bee Gee's died just about a week after Donna Summer. It was reported that among his last words were, "I wish Mo were here" referring to twin brother Maurice who had just dies recently too. They say he didn't know that he was dying when he uttered these word but it made me think that it's weird that the twins died and Barry is left. They lost Andy young and now Maurice and Robin. It seems like the jerkiest people always live longer. I always thought it was cool that Maurice's name was pronounced "Morris." You British people have an awesome way of speaking but then maybe you think the same of we Americans? I think people just like things that are different than what they see every day. I wonder who the third disco person in the "death trilogy" will be. That death trilogy thing is a funny thing because there is no time limit on that deal. So, if any singer dies we will just call it a singer trilogy or if a guitar player dies we will call it a musician trilogy or if an actor dies we will call it a performer trilogy. It's like we just need things to be in nice neat little packages. Queen Station is good - Queen, Elton John, Beatles, Aerosmith, Queen again, Led Zeppelin (Stairway To Heaven - haven't heard this one in a long time), AC/DC so far.

This blog is running long (TWSS) maybe because I haven't blogged in almost a week or maybe it's becasue it's so early in the morning and the hustler-bustle doesn't start for a couple of hours so I have time to filibuster. That word always makes me want to watch Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; what a great film.

I have to work on getting Kajunkles Studio in order today. It's nice having the recording part down here but it still isn't conducive to having guests here; it will be ready today - I wish it would rain so it would be easy to be stuck in the studio on my day-off.

"Mr. Chairman, what is with this Matt In The Middle Blog?"

I have done this entire blog without my "cheater" glasses and think I have made few errors even half-blind. Ironically, I think there is better light here in the dungeon than there was upstairs mainly because I have a lot of lights down here because it used to be my poker room (Boiler Room). Other great benefits of being down here...we can record while there are tornadoes outside, the sound on the podcast is better and it's really cool for if and when the summer ever arrives in the MIDDLEwest with the Global warming as it is.

I suppose I have blabbed-on long enough so I am going to start cleaning up down here so I can move the rest of the studio down. I hope I haven't bored you too much today but you are a great listener (it's funny how my whole life seems to be about listeners these days - I am a good listener too so I am happy to return the favor). Thank you for stopping-in and for listening to the podcast (and for "liking" Dirty Laundry Podcast on facebook. Have a great day!!!!! TTTTMSM (the mood strikes me)...MITM (out)!

Last Dance Blog!

A "Last Dance"comment would probably be poor-taste huh?

I really don't have much to blog about but that has never stopped me before so here I blog again.

I just heard that Donna Summer died after a battle with cancer. I always liked her - she seemed nice. Whenever I think of her I think about Thank God It's Friday. I know she was in a lot of other movies and television shows but I embarrassed to say that I think of Thank God It's Friday. She was only 63 - it seems to me that she should have been older than that but I am generally wrong.

I saw Justin Bieber on a commercial for a new movie or video or something that I will never see even if I am on a long flight and I have no form of entertainment at all and a Bieber movie comes on the little screen. I will ask the flight attendant (I still prefer stewardess) and ask her for a plastic spoon so I can gouge out my eyes and puncture my eardrums. I did like that as he is getting older he is not as good-looking as he was. He has a shorter hairdo and maybe his hair was all he was; only Elvis can get a G.I. haircut and still be Elvis. There is a new company called Celebrity Gene that has obtained some of The Biebs' hair (probably started by the barber that cut his hair), extracted the DNA (however that is done) and "created clones of Bieber's genetic code. They are selling them for about $120 in Loonies in a pendant to wear around your neck. The reason I say Loonies is because Celebrity Gene appears to be a Canadian company and it is $120 Canadian. Isn't Bieber Canadian? He probably started the company himself before he gets totally hideous and the girls when were hypnotized by whatever they were hypnotized by grow some cognizant thoughts.

I am going to wrap it up becasue I have to get some sleep. After work I am going to head over and help set-up for a charity art auction to benefit the family during the trial of their murdered family member (check out Dirty Laundry Podcast if you aren't sure who I am talking about). Thanks for stopping in. I am not sure if I will blog tomorrow - it depends how tired I am and how much sleep I can squeeze in. Have a great amount of time between now and when I can wish you a great whatever again. TTT?????....MITM (out to make an impact) TA!

Mind Your P's and Q's

Happy sunny day to you MIDDLEwesterners; I hope it is nice wherever you are non-MIDDLEwesterners or MIDDLEwesterners away from home. I have been jostling rooms all day and thought I would take a break to tell you that I have been jostling rooms all day. With Splenda being away at school Fabio got her approval to move into her "old" bedroom which I transformed while he was in the Bahamas (must be nice to live like a Kardashian). So now, with Fabio's old room open and us now having moved Kajunkles Studio to it's new location Splenda decided that while she is home for the summer she would prefer the room formerly known as Kajunkles Studio as her new bedroom (it will eventually be the guest bedroom and will fill-in as that when she is not here). Now that actually leaves Fabio's old bedroom that we are going to turn into a mini workout room. I envision one day, since we live in a college town, that those two bedrooms will be rented out to someone so Cha Cha can open Ma Bailey's Boarding House when I am gone. I always have an entire 'nother world going on in my head which is why I need to blog and why we do the Dirty Laundry Podcast (the new episode is up if you haven't already learned that on your own or through my other subtle hints).

Do you know where the expression "mind your P's and Q's" comes from? (I'll tell you at the end)

I was listening to the news instead of whistling while I worked and I heard about all of the preparations Chicago is taking for the upcoming NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Oranization) conference to be held in our largest MIDDLEwestern city.  I am not really sure why they would want to have to summit there; it sounds like more trouble than it's worth. I understand that it will bring millions of dollars to the city but it sounds like it is costing businesses millions of dollars to prepare. Some museums are going to close their doors during the summit - I imagine because they are in fear of terrorism, Hundreds of businesses on Michigan Avenue are either boarding-up their windows or spending thousands and thousands of dollars to have their window glass swapped-out for very expensive bullet-proof and/or shatter-proof glass. It also sounds like they are expecting the Occupy Wall Street people to occupy Chicago again so some places are wrapping their glass awnings in Bubble Wrap. So - welcome to Chicago that now looks like a third-world country all boarded-up and closed. I imagine there will be lots of people protesting all over the city and trying to get their names out there to be seen by world-wide audiences. Maybe Dirty Laundry Podcast should hire a sky-writer though I bet Chicago, home of one of the busiest airports in the world, will also be a no-fly zone during the NATO conference. I think NATO should also update their name - NATO is so 1949.

Cursed?

As long as I am being pseudo-political there is a rumor that Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s wife (Mary) was found dead. There is a report floating online that the death was suicide but that has not yet been substantiated. What is the curse that this family is paying for? Maybe it's just that they are so public and such a large family that we hear about this stuff that it keeps happening to them.  But it is A LOT of stuff. I know Joseph Kennedy was a real big jerk but did he make some kind of deal with some supernatural force that makes his family pay over and over and over? This isn't the kind of pay-it-forward deal I want for my family. If I wasn't so lazy I would investigate all of their tragedies for either the blog or the podcast. It probably wouldn't be that thorough though as I discovered on this most recent podcast that I don't know how to do research. JFK was President when I was born so, I think it is for that reason, I have always been fascinated by the Kennedys. It also could be because they were always said to have been the closest to a Royal Family that we have had in The U.S of America and everybody is mesmerized by The Royals.

Another suicide-related story that former San Diego Charger Junior Seau's house was burglarized. Talk about someone trying to bring a curse on themselves. Tomb Raiding was has always been known to be a big curse-magnet and robbing a guy's house right after he died has to classify for that. It will probably turn-out to be someone who knew Junior and they wanted their sweatpants that they loaned Junior back or something but no matter what the deal - bad juju will come their way.

The way Words With Friends has been for me lately

Alright, I have to get back to toting barges and lifting bales. First, I need to answer today's question I posed. The reason for the question is that someone at work brought this up and said it was because in Ireland whenever they would have a bar fight the bartender would yell out "Mind you P's and Q's" because beers were served in pints and quarts and he was warning everyone to guard their beers. I, however, knew this was malarkey but said nothing - I am making progress as a human. Some people think I have just become quieter in my MIDDLE age but it's actually hard to speak when I am biting my tongue most of the time (I am still a jerk inside - but my tongue is delicious). I knew the real reason but I said nothing. It has been gnawing at me and I have to release it somewhere or I will burst so I am doing it here (I can only be expected to be a certain percentage human). The real origin of this expression comes from the early printing presses when they used separate plates for each letter. They would use the same plates for P's and Q's (lower-case only) by reversing the plates making either a p or a q. Now I feel better but I am still going to fight the urge not to blurt it out every time I see the guy who said it. Maybe one day he and I will be head-to-head on Jeopardy and that will be the question that I beat him on.

Okay, now I am done stalling and need to get back to work. Thanks for being here and for coming-by regularly. I aqqreciate you very much (I forgot to switch the plate on that word there - sorry for not minding my p's and q's) Have a great afternoon/night and I am fairly certain I will blog you again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out and smiling that you stopped to see me). TA!

Narcissism, Salads and Coins (the trifecta)

Me Narcissistically mowing the lawn

I am fairly certain that I am a narcissist. The new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up and I am listening it while I write this. I just got done mowing the lawn and I listened to it while I mowed the lawn. I am the guy they wrote that saying "you just talk because you like the sound of your own voice!" I really don't like the sound of my own voice, though I have gotten used to hearing it, but I really do like the podcast. I think I like to make sure it sounds good - I like to get better by hearing what we do wrong.

It is nice that we have the studio two stories below where it used to be. Today is the first day where I am starting to think about the summer heat (today is perfect) and it is a lot cooler down hear. The last couple of days it was actually chilly but as it gets warmer outside I thinks we are going to really like the temperature here. The upstairs studio was always hot and when we turned the fans on or opened the windows there were always distracting noises. I think the current show does seem to have better sound.

I am sorry that I haven't blogged since Thursday (I guess that is only missing Friday and Monday) but I have been really tired lately. I cannot get used to having a different schedule than most of the rest of the world. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't a person who is always worried about other people's happiness more than my own. The weird part of it is that I am also a selfish person which is why I have probably become somewhat of a curmudgeon over the last decade or so; I have inner turmoil trying to make everybody, including myself, happy and that is just impossible but I am too stupid to stop trying. I have gotten a little more light-hearted  over the past couple of years as the detox from a job that I hated for the previous two decades. It wasn't the job so much rather the buttholes that I worked for - I cannot believe I let idiots change who I wanted to be - I like myself more now even though I am sleepy. (From Grumpy to Sleepy)

I heard a story about a guy who was aggravated with the service he was getting from his accountant and did something I have threatened to do many times but I am too lazy to carry it out. This is not the first time that my laziness has saved my bacon. He was so angry that he paid his $1,283 bill by dropping five crates of coins on the accountants lawn. The bean-counter decided that he didn't want to be a coin-counter so he sued the former client for interest and storage fees for the coins and he was awarded the interest but not the storage fees (talk about Storage Wars). So, the accountant ended up making another $500ish for the stunt by his former client. Who says laziness doesn't pay? I would have done it one step further - I would have done it in all foreign coins!

Cha Cha is almost home so I ave to wrap this up because we are gonna go get salad bar at Ruby Tuesday. The last couple of times I was at Ruby Tuesday the salad bar sucked though it had always been one of the best ones around. Cha Cha heard a commercial that they have a new salad bar and menu so we are gonna give it a try. I will let you know how it is but I am not optimistic. Maybe I should get a bunch of rolls of pennies in case it does suck and I will pay in pennies. Thanks for being here today and I will blog again tomorrow since I am not working today or tomorrow. Have a great night and make sure to listen to the podcast. Incidentally, we are STILL looking for our 100th Facebook "liker" before they go public. TTTT...MITM (out to salad-up!) TA

Change Your Calendar - End of the World On Hold!

That's a bad sign when they don't even get me!

Man, I got a lot done yesterday (I am actually writing this yesterday as you read this and I don't want our relationship to be based on lies so I had to come clean). It's 10:29PM Wednesday night right now. I will finish writing this tomorrow which is today for you so I now I am totally guilt-free. The podcast studio is 90% moved to the new location. I am typing this in the new studio right now (which was last night for you). This time-travel stuff is harder than you'd thing - trying to keep stuff straight is taxing. I need to find a huge world map now. I see they have one at IKEA but I won't be able to get there until next week - all good things to those who wait I guess. In addition to moving the studio (which included running a phone-line while not even knowing how to do it but if you're reading this that means that the phone line works for the modem). I also mowed the lawn - AGAIN! I Rounded-up the weeds. I took Fabio to and from his final  Drivers' Education class. I did the shopping (four different stores because I needed a longer Ethernet cord (TWSS). I am boring myself so I will move along. Actually I think I am going to move some more stuff to this new studio before hitting the rack. The next time I write here it will be tomorrow (or today for you).

I am getting tired of Facebook messages saying (fill in your name here) wants to add you to their birthday list calendar. I always deny this so when my birthday comes around and nobody sends me glad tidings I will know why(September 14th if you genuinely want to add it to your calendar for some reason). I know it's just their computer/Facebook wanting to add my birthday to the person's calendar... It's funny how most of the requests that I get are from people who I barely know and the ones that I know the best either A) already know it B) don't really care C) it is a scam by Facebook to swap info back and forth most likely to make more money for one of the richest person since the inventor of the wheel. Speaking of that...I know I have talked about those pistachio commercials before but have you seen the new one with the Winklevi? If I hadn't seen The Social Network I would have no idea who these dudes are. I think that commercial is pretty funny - not that I am an expert on commercials since most are DVR'd past me at the speed of light

Greg, Peter and Bobby (the box made me think that)

One thing that I didn't figure into moving Kajunkles Studio is the sump pump. It just went-off and the pipe that pushes the water to the sewer runs directly above the desk so when it does pump the water out we will hear it very clearly and everyone will have to pee. You know me...I smell the sweet smell of opportunity!

So, now that December 21st is quickly approaching, there is a "just in time" discovery that the Mayan's were "just turning the page" and the calendar doesn't end that day. PHEW!!!! Talk about Dudley Do Right finding Nell on the tracks just in time - screw you Snidely Whiplash... foiled again! An archeologist from Boston University has discovered that the original date was written just as notes by a "scribe" and not one of the priests" that was doing the cipherin.' This "scribe" was just marking his spot while he took a coffee break or something. This does not mean that the dates of the Mayan calendar go past December 21st but it does give us hope so don't make any hasty decisions based o a calendar that doesn't predict the end of the world. I don't want to scoop National Geographic magazine because I respect them so much so you can read the details in the upcoming National Geographic. If I don't respect my fellow international literary sensations I have no right being one of the most trusted sources of news in the industry. Without journalistic integrity what do I have besides: dashing good-looks, a child-like exuberance, the writing ability of a Twain/Woolf/Doestoyevsky/Dickens/Shakespeare/Chaucer/Lord Byron/Dickenson/Whitman/Steinbeck/Tolstoy/Aesop/Eliot/Poe/Hemmingway/Grisham love-child and the humility of Moses? 

It is now 3:29PM Thursday so I have been writing this off-and-on (much more off than on) for 17 hours. I think I need to play the #29 in the lottery this week. Is it only a coincidence that the minutes were exactly 29? There are no coincidences!!! I don't know why I said that because I think there are hundreds of millions of coincidences every second. We are all here due to coincidence and circumstance (that's pretty deep-sounding).

Thank you for stopping by. If you didn't keep coming I would probably stop writing and then you would be responsible for robbing millions thousands hundreds some people of this joy. I hope you have a great Thursnight and it carries right into your Friday. I hope it gets warmer soon or it's gonna be cold down in bowels of this studio. TTTT....MITM (out to be productive in some way) TA!

Happy National Lost Sock Memorial Day!

Hello!!!! I think it's a good time to take a break and blog. I just got done mowing the lawn and washing my feet (man, mowing barefoot really makes a mess of my feet). Now I am having a very large water and then today is the day where Kajunkles Studio gets a new address. Kajunkles Studio, in case you have lived in a cave since April 1, 2010, is where the world-famous Dirty Laundry Podcast has called home for a little over a year now. I began packing stuff up for the move to the bigger, more guest-friendly studio last night. The new studio will allow for maybe even a three-piece band to set up so when The Goo-Goo Dolls finally clear some time in their schedule we will be ready.

Last nigh Fabio and I went to see The Avengers; he is ready to see it again. I gotta say that three hours and 45 minutes was too long. I fell asleep briefly about five times. The last 45 minutes was great but the set-up to get there was long-winded at best. Maybe I was a little tired going-in but I don't think that was the problem. I wrote a few notes between naps: Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr. had some great lines and he was easily my second favorite in the film. My favorite line was when he called Thor "Point-Break." We watched the film in 3-D and 3-D is awesome. It is getting better all the time. There are still a few, very few, glitches but it is REALLY REALLY close. The best thing about the 3-D for me was Gwyneth Paltrow. I have always found her really sexy but in 3-D - "Tattoo Marimba!" I had a problem with The Hulk's size changing - sometimes he seemed like he was the size of an aircraft carrier and sometimes he was just barely larger than the other heroes - maybe he can change sizes? Make sure you stay until after the credits. During the credits there was a small clip and many of the people fell for it and didn't stay for the extra extra clip at the very end of the credits - have these people never seen a Marvel movie before? It doesn't reveal anything new coming up like the clips have doe in the past but I found it pretty funny. If you have a son or daughter or niece or nephew... who want to go see it go and see it with them but you don't need to rush out in my opinion. But do see it in 3-D!

Today is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. It seriously is. I only thing about one person on this day and it is Dirty Laundry Podcast's very own resident artist The Lost Sock!!! Happy day to you TLS - if anyone deserves a day it is you!

Why is the letter W called a double-u? I think it should be called double-v! I suppose back when they were naming the letters people were writing more in cursive or calligraphy or something fancy but most people print now if they even do write and even looking at the keyboard and the blog as it magically appears on the tv screen-looking thing in front of me it is definitely a double-v! My fancy texting contraption even makes a double-v! I say DOWN WITH THE DOUBLE-U and let's give the V the props that it deserves!!!!! No more V oppression!!!!!

I heard the Al Kida (I spelled it wrong on purpose so I don't get flagged by the FBI or Homeland Security). Actually now that I typed FBI and Homeland Security I am probably flagged anyway.  Anyway Al, as I will call them, have come with something called an Underwear Womb. As soon as I head that I knew exactly what Robin, The Boy Wonder, would have said if Batman had become the longest-running television show in history and had been celebrating their 46th season this year. He would have said "Holy explosive diarrhea, Batman." Talk about hot pants. I think Victoria Secret should come out with a line called Underwear Bomb - women don't call them underwear though. Panty Bomb doesn't have the same bang as Underwear Bomb. Notice how Underwear Bomb starts with a U and not a W - nice job U! I am sure I shouldn't make fun of a bomb from the 1970's making a comeback - retro is all the rage and Al is just trying to make Underwear Bombs sexy again!

Have you heard the newest Rhianna song We Found Love? Fabio and I heard it one the radio last week and I impressed him that I knew all of the words even though it was the first time I had heard the song. I generally like Rhianna and as they said when Dick Clark asked the kids on American Bandstand what they thought of a new song, "it has a good beat and it's easy to dance to" but if you can remember "we fell in love in a hopeless place" you can already do this Karaoke blindfolded. Click this to see the video / hear the song and after the first opening of the song go ahead and join in (it's hard to find an official video because they all say "official video" but I think this is the "official video."). Remember - "we found love in a hopeless place!" It's no Pon De Replay but I think it is starting to grow on me.

Okay, I have stalled enough and I need to get down to getting this studio moved. I am excited right now about the new studio but I know that there will be glitches and I will be like," why the hell did I move the studio?" But now that I already know that maybe I will be able to cope with it better when I do want to say that? When it's all done I will love it and I know the acoustics are going to be so much better that it will be worth the hassle. Speaking of hassle, there is some drama going-on from the last show when we talked about gun control but we will talk about that on next week's show. Have a great day and thanks, as always, for spending a few minutes to crawl through my cobwebbed mind. I write a blog and do a podcast to try to help blow out some of the cobs once in awhile.

TTTT...MITM (out to plant and grow a studio) TA!

I Love Mondays!!! Tell You Why?

I bet you thought I forgot to blog didn't you? Well, I didn't forget. I have been working on editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast and it is doing the mix-down and other fancy terms that it uses to try to sound important. It should be up sometime tonight/this evening barring an unforeseen problems and I have those more times than not.

This is one of my favorite days of the week. I know I say that every week but The Boomtown Rats had no idea what they were talking about (yes, I know what the song is really about - if you need to know send me a message and I will fill you in). Mondays are my Fridays. Another reason this particular day is a good day is because one of my very good friends and favorite people in the whole galaxy has been going through some pretty tough times and the tides seem to be turning for this person. I like my friends to be happy - that includes you!!!!

I really like the new job I am doing. I don't know if you remember that I switched positions within the same "company" about a month ago. I really like this new part a lot better. Early this morning during my dinner/lunch/breakfast break (I didn't eat anything so I guess it was really just a break) I was outside right after the rain. It was still dark outside and there was a small rabbit eating dandelion stems and grass and whatever else rabbits eat. I kept thinking, "that rabbit is sure close to me" (he was about 15 feet away. I just stood there and watched him and he gazed at me once in awhile. Not before long he was hopping slowly toward me. He hopped right up to me and I thought he was going to come up and smell my shoes. while he was in front of me, if I had fallen, I would have hit him with my shins - so that's like 12" away maybe? I remained motionless and he eventually just hopped off to get some more grass. After he hopped away I stood there in the silence and watched worms actually crawling across the wet sidewalk. They really are just like mini-snakes. One went in between the cracks of the sidewalk completely underwater and made his way slowly across the sidewalk. They were actually a bit faster than I had imagined.

Some more love from The Lost Sock!!!

I am having problems with uploading the podcast so I think I am going to have to end here. Sorry. That will just leave more for me to blog about tomorrow. I think tomorrow night Fabio and I may go see The Avengers. Let me know if you wanna go! Cha Cha is spending the next couple of nights with her lover so, during my "weekend" Fabio and I are bachen in! TTTT...MITM (out to try to get it up - the podcast that is)!

The Illunimati and Suck-a-de-mayo Together Again!

Okay or 666?

Why are people who play the trombone called trombonists? I think they should be called tromboners. You don't call people who play drums drummists? I would love to hear a duet with a pianist and a tromboner - not that there's anything wrong with that...

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. Even if you don't celebrate Mexican Independence, or whatever cinco de Mayo celebrates, you cannot deny the fact that tomorrow is cinco de Mayo just as assuredly as today is quatro de Mayo. People from Mexico know how to party and their food is amongst my favorite and I am very fond of margaritas...too bad I have to work tomorrow so for me this Cinco de Mayo is just Sucka de Mayo!

I learn a lot of things spending time in the car while Fabio drives himself over to drivers' ed. with me in the passenger seat. Thing number one is that I am not as MIDDLE as I thought when my youngest spawn member is old enough to drive but there are a couple of other things that I discovered. Did you know that Lebron James and Kobe Bryant are both Illuminati? Kobe's nickname is Black Mamba (snake) and LeBron alter ego is a lion - both animals are known signs of illuminati apparently.  Did you also know that when Lebron puts his finger up to his eye in his trademark "okay" sign it is really 6 6 6? I have also seen photos of LeBron doing the pyramid symbol with his hands which, as we all know, is usually topped by the all-seeing-eye on our American one dollar bill. Fabio says it is on the one dollar bill because that is the most common one and that way they can keep an eye on all of us. That is the reason that LeBron and Kobe are so good - it has nothing to do with them eating, sleeping, playing, reading, breathing, watching... basketball since they were old enough to say the word "ball." When I was searching for that photo I saw many celebs flashing the "all seeing eye" symbol as I will now call it - from Michael Jackson to Buckwheat - OTAY! I told Fabio that there is a very famous pizza place in Chicago that I believe is a member of the Illuminati - Lou Malnati's. I know he was goofing but it has made me want to see Angels and Demons again.

The key to the promise land of sky blue water

Another thing I learned while riding in the car with Fabio is, "the person who came up with the Dorito's taco shell at Taco Bell is a friggin' genius." I am pretty sure whoever it was is Illuminati!

I saw a television commercial the other day about a new Miller Lite punch top can! It has a little vent hole that you can punch in the top of the can to get better flow or some such nonsense. The commercial showed people grabbing various hard items to punch the little vent hole out... that is kinda ridiculous; wasn't the whole idea behind the pop-top can so we didn't always have to hunt for a church key? I don't even know why I remember that can opener was called a church key. That one stuck with me because I guess I thought it was so funny, Now that I think about it shouldn't the corkscrew actually be called a church key. They don't drink beer in church. How many of our fathers (not the ones in the black robes) do you suppose were working on the car and popped a beer open with a church key and in the next moment opened a can of 10W30? I would bet my Illuminati membership ring that my dad did more than once.

The Dirty Laundry Podcast is up to 98 Facebook "likers." We are only two away from 100. If I could get LeBron James and Kobe Bryant to just click the "like" button we would be there. Big deal you are in the NBA play-offs - it only takes about 30 seconds to logon and go to the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook page and click "like" as Peggy, Robyn and Andie most recently did. Please make a boys dream to go to camp or whatever cool prize I could pretend that I get for 100 "likers." I don't even care if they are wham-bam-thank-you-matt "likes." I promise not to call you in the morning. We are adults we can just have a good "liking" without any emotional attachments right? "Likers" with benefits. The "likers' church key-club.

Just Otay or more???????

I am just about do for a haircut and I think I may go somewhere different this time. I may go to Peg's On Main in Maple Park, IL this time.

I hope you have a great quatro and cinco de Mayo. Thanks for being here and I guess I will not talk to you on seis de Mayo either other than through the podcast which won't really be up until siete or ocho de Mayo but by then I will be blogging again so I guess we will only be two days apart. Enough silliness from me. Have a great weekend. TTTM....MITM (hoping you "like" me - you really "like" me). TA!

I must be an ape - I barely use my opposableness!

Stupid show-off opposable thumbs

I don't feel much like blogging today. My back hurts, I have had a crick in my neck for over a week and I think I may have carpel tunnel in my right index finger. Is the index finger the one that you point with (the one right next to the thumb)? Maybe that's just the pointing finger...whatever that one is called that's the one that hurts all the time. Probably arthritic since I am probably Matt In The Second Part Of Middle. Even thought I type fairly quickly I don't do it using all ten fingers. I still use that finger for typing about 70% of the time even though I don't have to hunt and peck. I could probably type really fast if I used all of the fingers like I am supposed to. I guess I use my left index finger about as much as the right one while typing but the right one has to do other tasks like: pointing out things to people, cleaning out my ears, scratching things, picking my nose... so it gets more abuse. I appreciate you right pointer/index finger though I don't say it often enough. It has to be tough living right next to the thumb...the thumb is so pompous saying, "I am opposable and I am the thing that separates us from the apes and without me we could never hitch-hike and Happy Days would not been near as good."

How come the word opposable shows that it is spelled incorrectly and says it should be imposable? I think it must be a coup by the other phalanges.

Did you listen to the Dirty Laundry Podcast episode with America's first serial killer's (H.H. Holmes) great great grandson (Jeff Mudgett) on it (load #50)? On that show you learned that H.H. Holmes' (soon to be played by Leo DiCaprio on the big screen) body was encased in concrete presumable, according to Jeff's book Bloodstains, to protect the identity of the body inside so people would not find out that H.H. Holmes had escaped the gallows and was still alive. I just heard that Whitney Houston's body is to be encased in concrete as well to protect the body from grave-robbers. Supposedly she was buried with expensive jewelry. who says you can't take it with you? I guess that's better than a few coins over the eyes to pay the ferryman. Maybe there are different classes on the ship to the afterlife - who wants to be in steerage? We've all seen Titanic!

h.h. holmes or 6 6 6 olmes?

I cannot believe Newt Gingrich pulled-out of the Presidential race. I was pretty sure he was just about ready to make that huge surge to become President. I am glad he showed his true colors as a quitter now before he got into office.

Now I am listening to load #50 of Dirty Laundry Podcast while I continue to blog; there are so many things wrong with me. 

Saturday night we are supposed to have a "Super Moon" at about 11:30PM. This means that it will be closest to Earth and it is some kind of weird alignment with Earth the moon and the sun as I understand it. While I just began reading about it right now I discovered that this "ultrarare occurrence" happened about a week before Titanic sank. Is it a cosmic coincidence that I just wrote about Titanic three paragraphs ago? I did not know anything about the Titanic connection when I wrote that. Maybe the Mayans knew about the Super Moon! I am sure it will be a cloudy, rainy night in the MIDDLEwest and we will not be able to see it.

I have to get some things done so I think I had better cut this off right now (TWSS). I hope you have a great Thursday. It is supposed to be a nice day in the MIDDLE again and I hope it's nice where you are. Thank you for stopping in - I always appreciate you being here. TTTT...MITM (offen sie)

Help Keep Us Idiots Gruntled!!!I

It's is your Humpday - congratulations to you (or half congratulations to you). Unless you enjoy your week then it's have condolences to you but that still leaves half congratulations as the other half so that one does not need to be said.

My doctor's appointment doctor's assistant's appointment went well. I actually liked it much better without the doctor who shall not be named - let's call him "Dr. Useless From Whom I Get My Monthly Fix." The assistant, Kristin, seemed to actually listen and answered the questions I asked rather than just getting a checklist of predetermined doctor phrases and questions checked-off a list. She even set my next appointment for six months from now rather than having the Walgreens pharmacy tell me that I need to call the doctor before they can refill my prescription when it is time and then she renewed my blood pressure meds from now until my next appointment. As predicted, she ordered blood-work for me and gave me a sheet for that which I have already summarily dismissed. Also, Kristin did not look anything like the photo I posted here yesterday so I took a photo while she wasn't looking and that's what she really looks up over there on the left; it turned out she is brunette.

Last night I slept really well. I have discovered that half a bottle of moscato and one Benadryl is a perfect combo (you the man Elvis). When I went to get the moscato I saw that they also have two flavors of moscato spumante (spumante and bubbles????? how could I not?). I am pretty sure that I am going to go back there and get a bottle of that today - this is the second-half of my weekend you know. If you are home today and feel like kickin' it new school come on over. Let me know ahead of time because I may go to a bar or a golf course this afternoon depending on my mood. Maybe I will just go to a bar and play Golden Tee or go to a golf course and drink. I haven't been bowling in awhile. I love sports that combine drinking and the sport. In golf they also give you keys to one of their vehicles and then have a girl drive alcohol out to you - do you suppose she'd have moscato spumante?

For dinner last night I made steak on the grill (I marinade it for about five hours before grill time), dill potatoes on the grill (by very popular demand), steamed asparagus and pumpkin pie.

Actual photo of the woman who tanned her 5-year old (tanner lady)

It's just now starting to rain again so maybe the golf course is off the table. Yesterday I got the front yard and the side mowed but it began raining before I could get the back jack. That was on the agenda for today but it seems Mother Nature had decided to open-up my schedule.

Did you hear about the New Jersey woman who was arrested for allegedly taking her five-year-old daughter into a tanning booth with her (she denies that her daughter was in the booth with her)? I guess it's considered child endangerment to take a child into a tanning booth. So, just like smoking, once you're over 18 you can decide for yourself if you want to slowly kill yourself. Her defense could not have been that she wasn't even in a tanning booth because she is definitely a tanner - she's 44-years-old and looks like The Crypt Keeper. I think a natural-looking tan (preferably a natural-looking tan because it is a natural tan) but this lady has an obvious addiction. If she lived in Arizona they'd be asked to show some documentation. I wouldn't take a five-year-old in one of the places (even the waiting room) just because I would be afraid of all the bacteria in those tanning booths. I am a closet germa-phobe who is screaming to come out of the warm closet which, ironically, looks and sometimes feels like a tanning booth. I wonder if, while she tans, this lady listens to Dirty Laundry Podcast (new load is ready right now tanning lady).

He kinda looks like "tanner lady"

I never even thought about this until right now but Tanner from The Bad News Bears, incidentally he is easily my favorite BNB, had a funnier name than I ever even thought of. Tanner Boyle. I never really put the getting a boyle (boil) from tanning until this lady got arrested and I blogged about it. Do you suppose they did that on purpose or was that just a coincidence? I think I may did that DVD out today watch it later with my mosacto spuamante and not even go to the bar. with this new plan I could also get laundry done at the same time - okay you're still invited but the agenda has changed.

We are still five "likers" short of 100 on the Dirty Laundry Facebook page (thank you very much Debbie and Kara and Jen for answering the call to get us three "likes" closer). You are only two clicks away from making an idiot's dream come true. Shouldn't we idiots be happy too? Simply click that blue link there (click one) and then click "like" (click two). You'd much rather have a happy idiot than a disgruntles one wouldn't you? Help keep the idiots gruntled!!!!!

Thank you for stopping in and for spending a few minutes with me. I also want to apologize to the Bingo players we may have offended with this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast - I have already received a couple of messages regarding our apparent bingo prejudice (I must admit that I occasionally play bingo at family picnics and such but it is generally as a very last resort for me even though I do treasure those potholders I win occasionally and those $ingles have come in handy on occasion). Have a great day and hot me up if you want to hang with a blogger/podcast today. Who knows, maybe we can find an illegal bingo game somewhere. TTTT...MITM ( "O -72 .... O -72" - BINGO!!!!! - out)

I'm Actually Looking Forward to My Doctors' Appointment All of a Sudden

This one is for MADYM (my favorite Italian)

I wish I were of Polish descent so I could tell you to dance around the May"Pole" and you'd have to dance around me singing Let the Sunshine In. You other Middles remember when we were kids and jokes aimed at Polish people were all the rage? Pollack jokes they were called. What was that all about? What did the Poles ever do to warrant all of that? What in the Hell was wrong with our parents?

So, today is May Day! I don't really know what that means either other than the term Mayday from war movies when you were in dire straits you'd call out "Mayday, Mayday" on your radio and hundreds of your friends would show up and save your bacon. I wonder if Osama Bin Laden called out "Mayday, Mayday" a year ago today when he was being taken-out by Seal Team Six and people just thought that he was announcing the day and not calling for help? Can you believe it has been a year since he was killed. We all knew at the time that this would become a huge campaign-booster and most all politicians were totally behind what had been done but now a year later when it is being used to do exactly what any politician would use it for President Obama is being criticized for it and politicians who were praising the act at the time are saying that it was terrible, blah, blah blah... I hate politics! Mayday Mayday...too many politicians.

Sorry I did not blog yesterday but it was a crazy day and the day got away from me. Most of my awake time was editing the Dirty Laundry Podcast which is up now. I mowed the lawn today and listened to the podcast and then I went shopping and listened to the podcast and soon I will go to the doctor because they make me go so I can get my blood-pressure medicine just so they can continue to milk the insurance company even though I am perfectly healthy except having to take the blood pressure medicine that they will hold for random if I do not continue to go in and get weighed and be told how fat I am getting and that I should go have some tests taken that I will say "okay" and then I will throw away the paperwork as soon as I get home. The lawn looks nice though. I still have to do the back because it started raining as I was finishing the front and the side but I had to go get stuff for dinner anyway. Cha Cha and my wedding anniversary was yesterday and I had to work last night so we went out to eat instead and quite a few restaurants were closed because it was Monday and now I will make a proper dinner of deliciousness. I think I listen to the podcast to try to continue to make it better but I may be living the old adage "he just enjoys to listen to himself speak." Check out the podcast (link up there) so you can enjoy listening to me speak too!

I have to hurry to my doctors' appointment

I have to speed this up because I have to get Fabio over to Drivers' Ed. and then get to the doctor. The doctor's office called me yesterday and said, "the doctor only has office hours on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays" so you can reschedule or have the appointment with his assistant Kristin. Firstly, you set the appointment months ago and you didn't know this at the time? Their incompetence never ends. And secondly, not meeting with the doctor I find 67.3% incompetent that I am only using to supply me my drugs (blood pressure meds) and getting examined by the potential next Mrs. Agitator Helser? (my anniversary isn't for another 364 days - get off my back- this chick will be a doctor one day and a lot can happen in a year).

Have you heard that there is a new theory that there was a second shooter in the assassination of Robert Kennedy? What's up with every assassination having conspiracy around it? Other than the fact that assassination in itself is a conspiracy. I don't buy this one...someone is trying to sell a book or a show on The History Channel methinks.

Okay, I have to go get felt-up. Have a great day and thank you for checking me out (that was aimed at Kristin). I appreciate you being here and even if you don't listen to the podcast just head-over to the Dirty Laundry Podcast Facebook Page and "like" us even if it is a fake "like." We are only seven away from 100 "likes" and I am like that fake boy who was collecting business cards on his deathbed (probably just a scam to get business cards so you would be on a stupid mailing list). Wow we're only six away now - Thank you Debbie!!!! TTTT...MITM (out - insert kraut joke here) TA!!!!!!