My Very First Selfie

My actual swollen, puffy, gross leg

I have been so out of it lately. I forgot to hit "publish" for yesterday's blog so there was no MITM yesterday. I just posted that one now as I noticed my faux pas when I came here to write today's blog. You can either stop now and scroll down to read yesterday's first or just read this one and then read yesterday's after this one. I am sorry to have to make you think even more than usual today. I would suggest reading yesterday's first. Some of the things I wrote yesterday were happening while I wrote them and now it is yesterday's news.

The "scratch" on my leg has gotten worse. I consulted WebMD and it appears that I have poison ivy, sumac or poison oak. The scratch itself has scabbed up and the area directly surrounding it is kind of a white/yellowish color with bumps and such and all around that is a dark red/pink. There are lumps all around it (like bite marks) but I do not read Braille so I am not sure what the message is. My other ankle is pink and bumpy too but not nears as bad as the left one. I love nature but maybe I should wear long pants when traipsing through the weeds in Southern Illinois next time. I found some Benadryl topical ointment and spread it all around and it is helping the itching. I have always liked the word "ointment;" not sure why. Additionally, I am stuffed-up and I think I have two ear infections. I am not sure if that is called a double ear infection because that sounds like it would be two infections in one ear (is that possible?) and these are single ear infections in both ears. Those symptoms, I believe, are separate issues and not related. If I am wrong please consider this blog my last will and testament. The photo up there is before I put any ointment on it; those colors are all generated by my body. So much for me not having an artistic bone in my body. I think that was my very first Selfie!

LOL, as I write this the film Outbreak is on HB2e (I think that is HBO 2 East).

Tonight is my Friday and I have to decide if I think I should go to work I deal with the public at work and I am not sure if I am contagious. I am fairly certain that I am not contagious but, after just watching the last half of Outbreak I am not sure if I should take that chance with other peoples' healths.  Full disclosure - I think I may be able to add diarrhea to the list of symptoms. That one, if it is so, may be a deal-breaker on whether I work tonight or not. I just re-Benadryl'd. I would bet that I will go in tonight.

I just thought about a lot more things about the recent Clippers' racism issue and I have more to say about that and I have seen many similar things in my work-life. I think I may wait and talk about those on the next podcast when we record it tomorrow night. I don't think I am going to drink alcohol for awhile after listening to this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast. Everybody should record themselves while they are tipsy and maybe they wouldn't drink either. Alcohol really adds to dinner tabs too.

It was 26 years ago today Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play that my first wife and I were married. So far I have not started shopping for wife #2 so I guess it is going well. Not sure if she is looking for husband #2 yet but I am very supportive and would assist if that's the way she would like to go. I hope we would still be able to do the podcast should that occur. That is another factor in my decision in calling-off tonight. It would look like I took off for my anniversary though they surely could look at that photo up there and see my main symptom. I guess they don't know that it is my anniversary unless they read this blog. So, maybe about you and seven other people now know.

I am gonna go clean the kitchen and probably lie down so I will be rested for work. It will be a game-time decision whether or not I work tonight but I need to be game-ready. The most current odds are 80:1 that I will work tonight but, remember, odds usually fluctuate just prior to game time. Hold all bets, hold all bets! Thanks a lot for stopping by today. Have a great night. TTTT...MITM (out and ????) TA!

Silver Trumps Sterling! No More Sterling/Silver

I am $ure $he love$ him for his per$onality

THIS WAS YESTERDAY'S BLOG BUT I NEVERE POSTED IT! LOL

I have to touch on the biggest story in the U. S. and A.. Unless you have zero media coverage or live in a cave you have, no doubt, heard about the racist comments by The Los Angeles Clippers' owner Donald Sterling. I am not completely naive and I see racism every day/night. Racism, sexism and any kind of  negative "ISM" drive me totally bananas (hopefully that is not a negative comment against bananas). I have always taken people on a person-by-person basis and I do not understand the kind of thinking where you cannot tolerate an entire people based on the loud obnoxious ones. People are pressuring the Clippers' players to not play in game 5 of their play-off series. During Sunday's game the players consciously did not display the team logo during warm-ups; they took their warm-ups off at center court and threw them to the hardwood. Red Bull (the so-called energy drink) has announced that they will suspend all of their marketing activities with the Clippers. I think they were the first to make this announcement and now many other companies have followed suit - CarMax, Corona, AQUAhydrate, Virgin America, Kia Motors, Sprint, LoanMart, Amtrak, LumberLiquidators, Mercedez-Benz, Yokohama Tire Corporation, Commerce Hotel & Casino, Southern California Ford, Mandalay Bay Hotels, Adidas... Anheiser-Busch and Miller Brewing Company are not official sponsors of The Clippers but they saw a way to get some free advertising in saying they are watching the situation closely. I am kind of tainted by advertising and these companies know where their bread is buttered so they are gonna get their names out there. I want to go on record to state that Dirty Laundry Podcast and Matt In The Middle do not intend to spend advertising dollar one with The Los Angeles Clippers!

The Miami Heat showing their solidarity

While driving around at work last night I listened to a lot of sports-talk radio and was very impressed by Keith Olbermann's commentary on this matter. I just posted it to my Facebook page but here is a link if you are interested -  Olbermann Clippers Link

Immediately after I posted that link to my Facebook page I received an alert that Donald Sterling has been banned from the NBA for life (another clip right there - no "clip" pun intended). I was going to go on to make a comparison of the new NBA Commissioner Adam Silver and how nobody has made the Sterling- Silver connection that I have heard but now the connection is moot; there is no longer a connection there. Sports has done the right thing, eventually, more times than not throughout history and I am happy to still have faith in professional athletics. I would delete all of this but I have been writing it and editing Dirty Laundry Podcast simultaneously and I think this is still relevant. So, I will leave it. I just watched a bit of Adam Silver's announcement and it actually brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine the emotion that was felt when Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his I Have A Dream speech if this is how I felt over this one. I would have been blubbering like a baby in Washington D.C. that day. We shall overcome!

Dirty Laundry Podcast is uploading now and should be available by the time you read this. This has been crazy. I have been monitoring the news, editing the show, trying to write this blog and many other household things. Uh oh!!!! DLP problems. It has come from me trying to do too many things simultaneously. I really need to quit my job so I have more time for my hobbies. If the show sucks this week it is ENTIRELY on me and the distractions of racism in the world...

I have just about had it with media for today (media overload) so I am gonna call it a wrap. Thanks a lot for stopping by. Have a great night and I will blog again tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out). See, there was even less joy in my wrap-up than usual today. Hey, that reminds me, tomorrow is Cha Cha and my 26th wedding anniversary.

Yes, I Have Mental Issues! But, Loving It!

Most days I feel half my age which is good I think. Lately, however, I have been feeling my age. Actually, now that I blog about it, I have been feeling about 130% my age. I am a firm believer that age is more mental than physical or chronological so I just need to snap out of this. I remember when I was young my mom would always say, "act your age" but that was when I was nine. Now that I am WAYYYY past nine I should start acting my shoe size again. I know there are many contributing factors to me feeling this way lately and most of them are within my control if I just decide to do something about them. Most of these things are not predicated by other people so it is not you or my family... they are all just the mental issues that we all deal with every day. Sometimes they just seem to pile-on.

I was just doing the morning petting / tick inspection of Jeff and I came across what felt like a skin tag or a mole under his chin that I had never felt before. I made him "sit" and examined this area. I pulled back the fur and there was what appeared to be a large navy bean. It was not dark black like the previous once we had found. It was light brown with different colored spots and about eight times larger than the small black ones we have been finding. For some reason I have been putting the ones I have found in a plastic container with a tight lid. I added this one to the Tick Prison and the other littler ones all jumped on him/her/it like I had thrown a raw steak into a lion's cage. I guess it is survival of the fittest even in the world of parasites. It was probably so big because it was full of blood. I am not really sure how to dispose of these varmints. They sure don't seem to be starving to death. Fabio burned one in the Chimenea but I bet that tick lived. They are gonna take over the world. Maybe Giant Ticks will be the way to destroy the newest version of Godzilla. Mothra was a giant moth so maybe Tickula. Or, Tickzilla? Or, Tickra? I bet a giant tick versus a giant mosquito would make for a nice one of these stupid monster movies.

I just took a break there to do the dishes and start another load of laundry - things that people who act my age do. While putting away the glasses I discovered that we now have an entire new set of glasses. There were a few glasses that I liked that are now gone. I know that sounds weird but there is always a pillow or a blanket or a cap or a mug or a screwdriver or a glass that we have a fondness for. Think about it. You have a "go to" item in about everything that you have. I like the new glasses but what the Hell?

All of this complaining has led me to realize that it is the end of the month. It has probably been about 28 days since my last Mattsruation. When will my change-of-life occur?

No slave to technology and loving it!

I have to get the newest load of Dirty Laundry Podcast edited and uploaded today. I usually have it partially done by now but I have not felt very creative the last few days (please see above).

I have blogged myself into wrapping-up so I can get the show edited and uploaded with enough time to sleep before work tonight. Why in the Hell do we do all of these things that we do? I know most of it is because we are brain-washed into believing this is what we are supposed to do. I have seen photos of Aboriginal people who have zero technology and they seem as happy as heck. We have been made slaves to our "things" by the people who make these "things" and sell the accessories and upgrades... to these "things." I could not change that if that was my only task. It is a snow ball rolling down a mountain of snow and the pit below is bottomless. Every now and then we hear about the possibility of a disruption in technology and that this would cripple us. I think it would actually give us a chance at a "do-over." Yes, most of our banking information would be gone and maybe we should go back to stuffing some cash in our mattresses like they did back during The Great Depression. One of the nice things would be that nobody would have mortgages anymore because the banks would not have proof that we owed them anything. We would not have any cash but, conversely, we would not have any debt (theoretically). Now I am just jabbering.

Thanks a lot for letting me vent. Maybe this will help me get over whatever it is that I am under or on. I will let you know when the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast is ready. It is 0924 now and I will work on it until 1500; if it isn't done by then it will have to wait until Tuesday. I have been fighting this cold/allergy... whatever it is that is ailing me and I need to sleep before work tonight or it will be a longer night than it usually is. Have a great rest of your whatever day of the week this is. I really do not know what day this is and I don't even care to look. I am tired of trying to figure what day this is to you and what day it is to me. I just know that this is my Wesnesday. TTTMT (My Thursday)...MITM (out) Hasta La Vista!

Is Agava like Peyote? I Blog YES!

How many times are they gonna remake Godzilla? Answer - too many! EVERY ONE of them has sucked!

Albert Pujols hit home runs #499 and 500 the other night. His wife was mad at him because he was supposed to call her when he hit #499 so she could meet him on the road to be there when he became only the 26th MLB player to reach that feat. Just so happens that he decided to hit two (#499 & #500) in Washington on the same night.

I wrote those two things here yesterday so I would remember to blog about them. Sometimes I do that - use the blog as a notebook until I get back to finish my thoughts. Some weird things happened throughout the night that are gonna take precedence for the moment. I was really tired so I went to bed not long after we recorded the new load of Dirty Laundry Podcast. I will probably start editing the show later today and have it up on Monday but, I digress. Anyway I was in bed about 2300 and at about 0100 Fabio woke me up and said he heard a gunshot and pointed out the window toward the Southwest. He said he "knew" that is was a gunshot. At work I have heard quite a few gunshots and a lot of fireworks and there are distinguished differences so I know what he means. I waited for awhile and there was nothing more so I went back to bed. It has not been unusual to hear gunshots off in the distance. We live near many farms and I know that farmers shoot animals for many reasons from time-to-time. 1:00 AM is unusual however. Two hours later at a little after 0300 the dog was barking downstairs so I came down. He acted like he had to go outside and I came down and took him out. He did both of his businesses so I am glad that I listened. Then, at 0500 he started barking again and down I came again and took him out and he peed. He also chases a rabbit out of the yard - wascal wabbit. He would have caught the rabbit, as he has proven before that he can, but I had him on the line. While I was out a large bright red Cardinal was directly above me (about 30 feet or so) on the highest point of our tallest tree screaming and screaming. I always wondered which birds were making those really loud yelps and now I know. All of this together means something. It may mean that I watch too many movies and read too many weird things but I will discover a way to make this make sense. Maybe it was just me being really tired. Maybe the fact that I have been fighting a cold for the last three weeks (I am still winning but I don't think the cold has given up just yet). Maybe it was the margarita served in a fish bowl that I had at dinner last night. No MATTer what the reason - it was an eventful night.

Just now I dug another tick out of Jeff's neck. He will probably write about it on his Facebook page (Jeff Helser). This one was dug in pretty good. I saw on Facebook last night that Cha Cha's cousin Julie got a tick while jogging. Maybe these ticks are in our yard and Jeff didn't get them down south like earlier suspected. I think I am going to get something and spray the yard later today. I heard a commercial on the radio about a tick spray for yards. They probably always play that commercial but we never really listen to things unless they directly impact us at that moment do we? Probably why they re-run the same ads over and over and over...

It is also interesting that I itch all the time now that there have been ticks around the house. I have found nothing but my mind wants me to keep checking anyway I guess.

We are meeting my parents for lunch today. I am going to try to sleep a bit more before we go because of my busy night not sleeping and having to work tonight (my Monday morning). I am considering calling-off sick since I am sick and tired. Knowing me I will go to work even though I have about 24 sick days built-up and I have been slightly sick for about a week and now it is worse. I am not very bright.

I am going to go lie down and hope Jeff will not start yapping again. Have a great day and conclusion of your weekend. Thank you for stopping by so my neurosis could make you feel better about yourself. I am happy to help. I am starting to feel a bit like Felix Unger lately. I will probably not blog tomorrow because of sleep and, hopefully, getting some podcast editing done. TTTYM (your Monday) probably...MITM (out or am I?) TA

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Hey kids, real ticks don't actually look like me!

I just removed tick number 6 from Jeff. This one was deep in his ear. They don't seem to be bothering him but they have a nasty reputation. The one I just removed I put in a plastic container with a lid. He/she is just crawling around in there trying to find something else to parasitically attach itself to - GOOD LUCK IN SOLITARY! Jeff wants me to take a photo and put it on his Facebook page - Jeff Helser.  He already has 12 friends after one day on Facebook. It took me two months to get that many. Just to shut him up I may photograph the tick later and put it on his page. I imagine we will find more ticks on/in him before we are done too. He doesn't complain or fidget when we look for them or yank them out either. He is a good traveller, a great Frisbee artist and a tough guy. I wish I were more like Jeff (especially the lying around having people get me stuff all the time deal).

I actually slept 5-1/2 hours this morning. That is the most I have slept in one sitting lying all at once in quite some time. Tonight (my Saturday morning) I will probably just stay up until 22:00 or so and see if I can sleep all the way to 06:00. I am certain that I will not make it eight hours straight but bloggy-steps. What will probably happen is that I will stay up that long and then my body/mind/whatever will say "hey, this is the time we work not the time we rest" and I will be up most of the night. Whatevs!

We are going to record Dirty Laundry Podcast tomorrow night. The Lost Sock is gonna be back on the show this week. Among many other things he is the face behind Dirty Laundry Podcast. He has done almost all of the graphics/cartoons/drawings of Cha Cha and I. We're very excited. He is always a good time and he has a quiz/game worked-up. I don't even know what it is so I cannot prep or cheat or anything. I have been accused of being a cheater at games from time to time. I will agree that I am very competitive but, cheating is an abomination and I would not do that if I thought I was gonna get caught. There is one particular incident that still comes up occasionally with accusations of my under-handedness. I still say to this day, and I will until the day I die, that I did not cheat. Not the Bill Clinton kinda "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" kinda cheat but rather a good use of my deductive and observational skills. This is what I do for a living now so, apparently, I am an expert in this field. I am going to make a note of it and we will talk about in on this week's podcast and see if listeners all over the world will play jury and weigh-in on the incident for the following week's show.

Writing the blog is tough when it is nearly podcast recording time. I don't like to cover the same things in both so I have to weigh the things and decide what would be better to write about and which would be better to discuss on the show. Every week this occurs and it doesn't seem to get easier. Sometimes there is some cross-over but sometimes it seems okay depending on the topic/story. If I have the same things on both all the time why even do both? It's not always easy being the doofus of all media.

Do you think dogs have fur so that when they get their slobber all over you there is a convenient place to wipe your hands? I do too.

Our 26th year wedding anniversary is Wednesday. According to some site I just looked at the 26-year wedding anniversary gift theme is "original pictures." What in the Hell does that mean? We suppose to have our pictures taken or I am supposed to draw her something? How about a drawing of a tick? (that, in the blogging business, is called a throw-back). Another site says the same thing but offers suggestions: "photograph gifts, movie gifts of DVD's or a night at the movies." How about we watch a on Netflix or Red Box? Next year is a sculpture gift? A trip to a pottery story or a sculptured cake or a piece of art. Who in the Hell came up with this malarkey? Couldn't I just sculpt a pizza for dinner or something next year? Maybe I could just get some nude photos (original pictures all right) of me done for her this year and then I wouldn't have to worry about next year's sculpture deal. The problem with that is, as a media celebrity, those "original photographs" would come back to haunt me. But, they could also propel me into super stardom. Out of sympathy, of course. I am fine with pity fame and fortune! I have to work Wednesday night so I guess the point is moot. Doesn't it aggravate you when people say the point is "mute?" Difficult to get your point across if nobody can hear it!

I am beginning to ramble. I probably have Lyme Disease. I would rather have Key Lyme Disease but, like our crappy weather in the the MIDDLEwest, you get what you get. Have a great night. I don't know of any reason that I wouldn't blog tomorrow so I will probably blog. I hope something interesting happens to me tonight. Thanks a lot for stopping by. TTTT...MITM  (out) TA!

I Get Allergic Smelling Hay

He may be Satan! Beelzebillybub

Fargo is a great television show. I just finished watching last night's episode. It reminds me a lot of Twin Peaks back in the day in many ways but it is much better. Twin Peaks was good until it got too weird toward the end. I can tell that Fargo is not going to get that weird. The story is great and I have liked most of the actors for a long time: Billy Bob Thornton, Bob Odenkirk, Oliver Platt, Martin Freeman, Keith Carradine, Colin Hanks... The other actors, most of whom I have been unfamiliar with until now, are good too. Billy Bob's character is great.

I love three-day work weeks. My Friday is already here tonight. I wish I could take two vacation days every week for the rest of my life. If I had 3,000 wishes this would be which #2,432. I am not going to bore you with the entire list but maybe I will reveal them every now and them so, if you are keeping score at home, you now have #2,342 filled-in on your scorecard. Congratulations!

People who have to put their names on their buildings are usually a-holes (Trump Tower, Wynn Casino...). Not always but, usually. I am certain there are many examples of where this is not the case but I am having a difficult time coming up with one right now.

We are planning a summer trip to New York City. I plan on getting some hot sauce there (sorry, very bad attempt at a Pace Picante Sauce joke). I have been to The Big Apple but none of the rest of the gang here has. Cha Cha has always wanted to go and we are closer to death than we are to birth, hopefully, so what in the Helser are we waiting for? Summer now it seems! Any suggestions? Central Park is cool. The last time I went there we ate at Peter Luger Steakhouse in Brooklyn but that is pricey when I am paying for more people than just me. Now I got side-tracked searching sites to see what to do in NYC. The Tonight Show or Letterman would be fun or even Late Night with Seth Meyers. I wonder if they tape in the summer? My guess is no but I will find out. Ellis Island seems like a must and the 9/11 Tribute Center?  A Mets or Yankees game but would probably not be fun for all. The Mets are on the road the entire time we will be there but the Yankees will be hosting the Tigers and the Twins. The last time I was there both teams were in their old ballparks and we went to games at both. Not really feeling it! Maybe if the Cardinals were in town? We have plenty of time to figure it out but time seems to go faster and faster the closer to death I get.

The steaks and baked potatoes are almost done so I am gonna finish that up, eat and then get a few moments of shuteye before heading to the . Thanks a lot for stopping in. Tomorrow we will record the new Dirty Laundry Podcast and the new show should be up by Saturday or Sunday. In the meantime I will probably blog again tomorrow. I hope you have a great night. If you are in the MIDDLEwest you will know that we are experiencing near-freezing temperatures again. TTTT...MITM (out) brrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

She'nme?

So, my dog started his won Facebook page today (Jeff Helser). I told him that Facebook is probably on the decline and tried to convince him to stick with Snapchat or Twitter but he says that Facebook is more non-opposable thumb friendly. He is generally more media and promotion savvy that I am so I will watch him surpass my friend count on Facebook in about a week probably.

It is great that it is already my Thursday. I wish every week was a three-day week. I have such a sinus headache I feel like my head is gonna split in the back.

I continued my sushi pursuit today. We went to Hy-Vee grocery store where they have a mini-restaurant thingy inside. They have a great salad bar but, today, I tried the sushi. All the people behind the Asian food part of the counter are Asian. Do we just feel more comfortable having Asian people make our sushi and spring rolls and such or are they better at it than Germans? I didn't see Mario and Luigi back there making the pasta dishes and pizza. They weren't wearing Lederhosen behind the cheese counter. There were several pre-made packages of sushi in front of the counter but I had the lady make me fresh sushi. It was great! AND, the wasabi was flowing like water. I have finally found a place where wasabi is not treated like gold bullion. I just now ready the fortune from my fortune cookie and it says "Now is a lucky time for you - take a chance." That's a lot of pressure. There is no expiration date on the fortune. When is "now?" Was it when the cookie was made? When the fortune was printed? Does the clock start ticking as soon as I read it? Is it too late already? I take chances all the time. I don't need a cookie to tell me to do something I always do anyway. On the flip-side is helps me "learn Chinese." My Chinese word today is "what." The Chinese word for "what" is She'nme. How can I trust this cookie. Maybe I will be "taking a chance" by using the word "she'nme" because it really means "beat me up" or something.

I'm Jonsein' Man

I want to lie down for my pre-game power nap right now but I don't think that is gonna happen. It will probably be more like 20 minutes. I am gonna do some nose spray first. I know that stuff is bad for you but I have heard that not breathing is not good for you either. I do find that when I use certain nose sprays I get stuffed-up more. There is something in these things that make you stuffed-up so they can create their own business. It's like most drugs I guess. I hear that cocaine and heroine do similar things. I will tough it out again one of these days and suffer through it for a couple of days and get this nose spray monkey off my back but now is not that time. I need to go to Noseanon (Nose Spray Anonymous) meetings I think. Maybe I should "take a chance" at not breathing. Those damn fortunes can mean anything or nothing at all. ARRRGGHHHHH!

I have to get to sleep. My head is gonna explode and I want to be in bed when it does so they can just wrap it up in the sheets and throw me in a dumpster and buy a new MATTress. I am so considerate that way. Heat pack? Cold compress? I have to go. Only three or four days until the new Dirty Laundry Podcast. I know you're as excited as I am. Have a great night (Earth Day Night). Thanks a lot for stopping in. I will blog you again tomorrow. Maybe earlier and without a headache huh? TTTT...MITM (out) Sayonara!

Mayberry Y2K14

It was like having our own personal Wilderness Lodge

Wow, it has been five days since I blogged. I am not sure I have gone that long without blogging in the 1023 times I have done this. We were in Southern Illinois for four days without wifi. I could have blogged when we went to Pixley or Hooterville because they have plenty of places that have wifi access (Starbucks, Panera...) but I thought this would be a challenge. We did not record a new Dirty Laundry Podcast and I did not write a blog. We could have recorded a new podcast without wifi and just waited to upload it when we got back but I just wanted to see how addicted I really am. I brought my metal case full of all of the recording equipment but never used it to do the show. We will record a new show in a couple of days and get back on schedule and, as you probably have guessed, I am blogging now.

We went down to Carbondale, IL to visit Splenda for Easter. I took a couple of vacation days (comp. days more precisely) and added them to my "weekend." I go back to work tonight and it will be my Wednesday already. Jeff went with us this time. Jeff is our 11-month old Border Collie in case you are unaware. We rented a house in the MIDDLE of nowhere (a town called DeSoto, IL) that allowed dogs. It was only six miles from Carbondale. We had our own private lake and we were surrounded by hundreds of acres of woods (not to be confused with Hundred Acre Wood from Winnie The Pooh). We did have some of the modern conveniences like satellite television (they had Dish Network - I much prefer our DirecTv but that may be because that is what I have grown accustom to). We didn't watch much television but it was nice to have on while cooking... I also got to see some St. Louis Cardinals' baseball and watch portions of a couple of the Chicago Blackhawks games. Driving down I listened to Cardinal baseball on the radio. I am so easily amused. Anyway, we could not believe how good of a traveller Jeff is. No problems in the car all the way down and back (sixish hours each way) and no problems at all while we were down south. I just went to DeSoto's website which talks about the Congress of the Confederation. It also says that shortly after the Civil War a large portion of the north side of town was burned to the ground and then in 1891 a great fire did damage to the southern portion of town. Then, in 1925, most of the town was destroyed by the Great Tri-State Tornado of 1925. This place is hexed. At least they have Club Coyote now and Granny's ReSale and Laundry. Next to Club Coyote is an old mobile home that has been converted into a drive-up liquor store. I also heard tell that this town is now the meth capital of Southern Illinois. There is some really cool old architecture there. If you get a chance check out their website. There are several beauty shops and they are just photos of people's houses and Shirley's Deer Processing which I have to believe is also Shirley's house. DeSoto is kind of like the Mayberry with meth labs instead of moonshine stills (Mayberry Y2K14).

I wonder if this was from the fires or the tornado

I was just petting Jeff and found a tick on him. We had found several ticks on us throughout the weekend and thought we had gotten them all but this little parasite had a short vacation before dying far from home. I am sure he will be touted as a war hero or the tick that went off to explore the world. They will honor him/her with parades and build a statue in his/her honor in the tick town square.

The whole time we were down there, when I could get a signal on my phone. I wondered why so many people had decided not to play Words with Friends for four days. I thought. "self, maybe everybody is not playing because of Easter weekend." Every now and then one would come through. I looked this morning and I guess I was the one with the issue. I had like 12 games I was behind on going back four days. Damn you T-Mobile and your spotty coverage in the ultra-religious meth-filled southern Illinois.

While walking around our private lake through the brush getting chiggers and ticks Jeff and I saw turtles and fish and woodpeckers and lots of birds and bugs (like ticks) and deer tracks and quite a bit of evidence of beavers. All the cartoons that have had beavers chewing through logs have taught me to know when beavers are near. We were like Mattiel Boone and Jeffy Crockett. Why are turtles so shy? As soon as we'd walk up they would jump from the fallen trees they were sunny themselves on into the drink. Do I look like a guy who eats soup?

Definately the work of beavers!

I have to get quite a bit done before bed and work so I am gonna call this a wrap. I cannot wait to go back to work tonight he blogged sarcastically; at least it is my hump day already. I have not missed one bit of work. Does anybody actually miss their work when they are gone? "I wouldn't say I've been missing it Bob." Thanks for remembering to come back after my brief hiatus. I don't think my next trip is until August when I will be doing a podcast tour of the East Coast. I am pretty sure they have wifi out that way. Mark your calendars Right Coasters! Have a great night and I am fairly sure I will blog again tomorrow. TTTT... MITM (out) TA!

Awe Geez, Awe Geez!

Wow, the new television show Fargo on FX is really good. If you missed it I am sure they will show it many times between now and next week so you can catch it. The cast is awesome and the story, so far, is very compelling. I watched a lot of it when I got home this morning and just finished watching the rest after four hours of sleep. I am not sure if they will all be 97 minutes long but I am okay with that if they are. I am thinking about buying a small hotel or bed in breakfast in Fargo, North Dakota because, mark matt my words, tourism is going to go up in Fargo. Kind of the way crystal meth became more popular when Breaking Bad was on every week. The show actually takes place mostly in Duluth and Bemidji, Minnesota so far. They need to work more advertisements into the show rather than have so many commercials though. The only real product placement that I recall is Yoo-hoo. I cannot wait until next week. I was really disappointed when the 97 minutes were over.

I also started watching TURN on AMC a couple of weeks ago. It's about spies during the American Revolutionary War. I thought it was really good, and it is, but Fargo is much better so far.

Ha, all that Fargo talk reminded me that the mortgage payment is due today. So, I broke-off for a moment and paid that bill on-line. Why did that remind me of the mortgage you might ask? Our mortgage is through Wells Fargo. Thank you television for saving me a late charge. Television is so much more valuable than just an entertainment tool. It is my personal assistant and best friend.  Not really. Sometimes I just like to sound pathetic for dramatic purposes. Okay, maybe I wasn't just being dramatic - I haven't quite decided.

I really need to get one of these!

I just went downstairs and made some egg salad. I love egg salad but there are usually residual effects. Tonight I will be farting. I must say that I love farting. There are many times where it becomes inconvenient when I am not alone butt (yes, I said "butt"), sometimes you have to fight through the pain. Why do we hide our bodily functions like burping and farting? So we can blame the dog if they smell? Some cultures find it rude if you don't burp while eating. I don't know that for a fact but I saw it in a movie or maybe The Brady Bunch or something. I wish there were a way to type something on a devise and find out if that were true. That reminds me - the new Dirty Laundry Podcast is up. The reason that I was reminded of the new show is that we talk about a way you can become famous embracing your bodily functions.

TGIMF! I get a four-day weekend beginning tomorrow. I think I may go see the new Captain America film; I hear it is very good. He, Batman and Iron Man were always my favorite crime fighters as a yute so I am happy that these three are all doing so well in movies. I like what they have done with all three of the characters in film. I thought Batman was fun when Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Adam West played him but the Christian Bale films are way better than any of those movies. It is going to be a tough row to hoe for Ben Affleck. I sure wish Heath Ledger was still alive - his Joker was my favorite of all of the Batman villains ever!

I have to get a few real things done here before I go to work. I am not sure if I will blog tomorrow. My plate is pretty full; I will try. If I miss tomorrow I will do an extra special one on your Friday. That will be difficult because I try to make all of them extra special. Thanks a lot for checking-in. If you need a Matty fix just listen to the podcast again. Have a great night and tomorrow. TTT???...MITM (out) TA!

42

I am going to try to do this half-fast because I have to get some shut-eye before work. I promised I would blog today and I try to be honest whenever it is convenient for me so, here I blog. I am excited that this is my Thursday because that means only tonight and tomorrow and then my weekend. I would have blogged earlier today but I had to get the newest load of Dirty Laundry Podcast up so you can listen; it is ready for you now.

It is Jackie Robinson Day today so I am trying to wear #42 all day long. So far I have been 100% unsuccessful. I have thought about Jackie a lot today though. He was truly an amazing man. I always thought it was funny that he played himself in The Jackie Robinson Story. Talk about type-casting. No wonder he never did any other movies. How do you top the perfect role for yourself?

Last night was pretty cool (pun partially intended). I was worried with all of the snow we got (yes, we got snow last night) that there would be too much cloud-cover. The moon was visible all night long for the total lunar eclipse. I got to see every phase of it. I was unimpressed at first as it just looked like clouds passing in front of it but, when it turned bright orange, it was awesome. I was happy to be up all night for a change. I spoke to a couple of people who were at the observatory (doesn't everybody have an observatory at their work?) and asked what those tow bright lights near the moon were. I knew at least one had to be a planet. I was correct, one was Mars and the other was a star called Skilla (I have no idea if that is spelled correctly). I took some photos with my phone but they were terrible. I wished I had taken my camera to work with me.

I am getting sleepy and stuffed-up. I am gonna cut this one real short. I will blog tomorrow unencumbered. Editing the podcast each week is kind of a time-suck. I won't have to do that again for at least a week. Have a great Jackie Robinson Night. Thanks for stopping by for a quickie. TTTT...MITM (out) zzzzzzzz

Winter Spring Summer Fall

I am half-way done editing this week's Dirty Laundry Podcast but I will have to finish that tomorrow. As long as there are no unforeseen problems the show will be ready for you to enjoy (or make fun of or whatever reason you listen) tomorrow afternoon. It is 15:32 right now and I wanted to blog and I have to get some sleep before I go into work tonight.

Cha Cha and I took Jeff for a walk earlier this afternoon in a snow storm. I cannot believe that I had to wear a stocking cap, gloves and my winter coat again. I was just wearing shorts two days ago. Where is this global warming I keep hearing about? I am just kidding - I know this is BECAUSE OF the Global Warming. It amuses me that people think "global warming" means that the Earth should be warm everywhere all the time. They really should have called it something like Global Catastrophic Change or The Beginning of the End of Life on Earth or The Future New Sun for Some New Planets or something that says what the name really is in the title. Haven't scientists been watching advertisers and spending time on social media? You have to simplify it and keep it to as few characters as possible. The Global Warming has slowly been melting our brains. As long as I am blogging celestial bodies - tonight (actually tomorrow morning at 03:00ish MIDDLE America Time) there will be a full lunar eclipse... thanks Global Warming. I will be working but I will be certain to be watching the sky at this time. There is also an observatory where I work and they are having a "watching" or "showing" or "viewing" or something. Doesn't everybody have an observatory at their place of employment? I have "shot the moon" many times in my day but this seems better. There may be some difficulty seeing the moon (not mine) tonight given the state of our weather beginning last night. Observatories are probably the answer to that dilemma.

You will be able to hear it tomorrow on the show but, just in case, make sure to set your DVR's (or watch it live) for Fargo on FX; it begins tomorrow night. It looks REALLY good. Billy Bob Thornton, Bob Odenkirk, Martin Freeman (Bilbo Baggins), Oliver Platt, Keith Carradine, Colin Hanks... I think I like all of those people. I tend to have mixed feeling about Keith Carradine but I am not sure why. He's funny on The Big Bang Theory even though I am tired of that show too. He was really good in Deadwood as Wild Bill Hickok. Maybe I am taking out not liking David Carradine on him which is not fair. I think I like Keith actually.

Now I want to watch Deadwood again for the 1,000,000th time

That makes me remember that I am planning on going to Troy Grove, IL (very close to here) on May 25th to Wild Bill Hickok Day. They had me at cemetery tours! Mark your calendars to go with me. It only goes from 11:00AM - 3:00PM. Troy Grove is the town that Hickok grew up in until he headed west when he was about 18. It was called Homer, IL then but it is the same place. They have shoot-outs in the street and I am hoping funnel cakes. Sounds a lot like any current city in Texas I guess. Here is a link if you need more convincing. I just "marked my calendar." It will probably be boring and I will feel like a turd in a punch bowl because I am not a townie but it sure is something different. Unless you come with me - then it will be fun for sure.

That's just about all I know. I do know that I am probably going to try to sleep now; probably while watching Deadwood. Have a nice Winter Spring Summer Fall tonight. If you're awake try to see the lunar eclipse. Whatever you do, even if it sleeping, I hope you have a great night. Thanks a lot for slowing down long enough to read the blog and, I will let you know when the podcast is up tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out) TA!

Wait, Wait...

It is Friday. This is about the only day of the week that most of us agree is pretty cool. This is the end of your work-week (most likely) and this is the one day of the week that I am off from 00:01 minus :01 to 23:59 + :01. Is it too early for math? Sometime tonight we will record Dirty Laundry Podcast. Can you think of a more fun way to spend a Friday night? Me neither. We probably won't do a show next week as I will be on "special assignment." The stories you will get the following week will be well worth my "special assignment" work.

Last night Cha Cha and I went to Chicago to watch a taping of NPR's news quiz show "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!" Don't be jealous because we live the lives of celebrities seeing shows that most people don't even know exist and, if they did, they wouldn't listen anyway because it may put them asleep. I think we will go back to see another one. The new "temporary" announcer/score-keeper starting in a couple of months is going to be Bill Kurtis (news legend and "star" of the film Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and the sequel as well as Investigative Reports and American Justice...). After the show you get to go up and meet the people in the show and I would like to meet Bill Kurtis. If I could get him to say, "I'm news legend Bill Kurtis and you're listening to Dirty Laundry Podcast" into my little digital recorder I would probably smile very wide (widely?) for at least two days. Our seats were in the second row just off center stage. We even got gift bags on our seats (the seats had a sign on them with our names) with a fancy water bottle (not one of those cheap plastic ones), the nice bag itself and a sampler CD - "not for sale - promotional use only." Kissing up to world-famous known heard podcasters much? It was a good time and very interesting. I came away with a lot of great ideas for the podcast (mostly technical ideas - microphones, set-up...).

I just learned that Bill Kurtis' real name is William Horton Kuretich.

Before the show we went across the street to Italian Village. It is a really nice restaurant. We had checked-in at the Chase Auditorium and wanted to get a drink. They have three bars: one upstairs, one downstairs and the one on the main level. We just went to the street-level one. Cha Cha had a couple of Bombay and tonics and I had a Margarita Italiana. We had planned to stop for dinner on the way home but by the time they had recorded one and 1/4 shows we didn't feel like stopping at Morton's Steakhouse or Copper's Hawk anymore so we just drove through the McDonald's parking lot in North Aurora (I had a cold grilled chicken sandwich on a stale bun). We also stopped for fuel on the way home. To fill the Fiat, which was nearly empty, cost $39.  That seemed like a really good deal since we had just paid $35 to park for a couple of hours in Chicago.

Today I am going to take the 4 Runner over and get an front-end alignment and a couple of new tires. I hate spending money on practical things but, sometimes I must. It is very nice outside so it is a good day to run errands. I would like to take the Fiat and put the top down but hard to get tires on the 4Runner while driving the Fiat. Later today I may also try to find another place to have sushi. It will probably be at Hy-Vee supermarket. It seems odd that they make sushi right in front of you at a grocery store doesn't it? I am sure it is good because they have Asian men and women making it. Is that racist? Not me saying that because it is a fact but Hy-Vee having only Asian people making their sushi. It does give me a better feeling that it will be good though (the Asian people part not the supermarket part). Why would sushi be any better in a restaurant than it would be in a grocery store?

Have you heard about the Smart Car tipping in San Francisco? People are coming out and finding their Smart Cars standing straight up or being on their sides or upside down. I predict, unfortunately, that this trend will spread to the rest of the country since it is getting some world-wide attention. I hope it doesn't spread to other small cars if you know what I am blogging.

The washer and dryer are beeping so it is time to fold, transfer and start a new load. Thank you for slowing down for a bit to stop here. I am not sure if I will be blogging tomorrow because I will probably be editing the podcast. If I have time I will though. I always let you know on the Matt In The Middle Facebook page if I do blog. I will also let you know when the podcast is ready on the Dirty Laundry Podcast page. Enjoy the day and your weekend if I don't blog at you before then. Do something you enjoy this weekend unless it involved tipping cars (cows like it - cars do not). TTT???...MITM (TIREd and out) TA!

A Little Weekend Poem (probably NC-17ish)

First day of my weekend and all through my head,
happy thoughts were free-flowing as I lie in my bed,
Off work for four hours and sleeping for three,
when the room door flew open someone screaming at me!
"That God damn dog chewed through his collar,
what time he broke loose I haven't an idear,"
I flew from my bed and put on a hat,
and took to the hood, It's Detective Matt,
Alone on the case as my partner drove East,
a lunch meeting today? Judist Priest!
I did two / three miles licketty split,
talked to some workers, had seen nothing "Oh shit!"
I headed back home to get on my bike, pumped air in the tires, oiled chain and the like,
Hit the pavement to cycle went to close garage door, a wagging tongue showed up
"where we goin,' to the store?"
He found his way home, I re-phoned the County
left a message "he's back" I will pay you no bounty,
Where he'd gone he won't say, I really don't care,
now in his steel cage "solitary for heem," the perfect escape or so it would seem,
He was only just doing what young puppies do, sowing his oats hunting a wabbit or two,
All's well that ends well or so it is said, he'll try to escape again now my story you've read,
On with the blog a poet I'm not, I need some more sleep I am still pretty shot."

Pretty sure I should be in that photo

I am not really sure why I decided to put this morning's recent fun into poem form but it just stuck in my head that way. I amcinfident it will become an instant international sensation. It is tough to come right out of doing poetry (I use the term very loosely) and start writing like I usually do.

Maybe Jeff just figured I needed some exercise? Now I have a couple of loads of laundry going and I may try to go back to sleep. I think we are headed to Chicago about 15:00-16:00 to watch the taping of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" after Cha Cha gets home from her lunch meeting.

How come, every time you try to sweep out the garage the wind is blowing into your garage?

That poem, along with scouring the neighborhood, took a little longer than I had planned so I need to wrap-up and get some household chores done. I will blog again tomorrow and we have to record the new show tomorrow too. We have another artist (musical) to add to our show this week; I love how these songs and artists seem to just show-up. We have turned people onto so many great musicians over the years and I really take great pride in spreading the joy of music. Okay, enough! Have a great day and night. I will talk at you tomorrow. TTTT...MITM (out) ZZZZZZ? (probably not)

I am a Recovering Sushi-ist

When did they begin making lunches?  Economic reasons?

It is only 11:15 and I am very well-rested for a change. Last night we had our training at 19:30. The training was over at about 20:15. The regular shift doesn't really start until 22:00 so we were told that two people could stay and take off at 03:30. The rub was that if you stayed you got off early but, if you chose to leave and come back at 22:00, you got paid for the time off (roughly one hour and fifteen minutes after our short meeting after the training) and also for the time of the training as overtime/comp time. So, basically two-and-a-half hours of overtime. I thought that it would be nice to get off early for a change. I have quite a bit of comp time and vacation time in "the bank." Not to mention I have about 22 DAYS worth of sick-time built up; I hope I get really sick or injured soon so I can use some of those days. Another great thing about staying was that I got to be on foot patrol all night meaning, I walked for about six hours straight making me even more tired so I could sleep like a log (whatever the Hell that means) when I got home. Deciding to go home early was the best two+ hours worth of overtime pay I have ever spent. I got home at 03:37 and set my alarms for 06:00. I woke up when the alarms screamed at me and told Fabio to get out of bed, came down to make his lunch just to see Cha Cha already awake and Fabio's lunch made. It was the weirdest thing - she had not made it but it was already made. Had I made it in a tired stupor? Had he not eaten yesterday's lunch and this was left-over from yesterday? I am going with the shoemaker and the elves scenario. It was all sort of foggy. I will ask him if it was from the previous day just out of curiosity. On second thought, maybe I will just choose to believe the elves deal. Now, I get to sleep a few hours this afternoon (probably 18:00-21:00) and then go in and work my Friday (the real Wednesday).

Thursday night (the real one) Cha Cha and I are headed to Chi-town. For the night I will call it Cha-town. Some people say it like "Chacaaago" so it is not that much of a stretch. We would normally record Dirty Laundry Podcast Thursday night but the recording can wait until Friday morningish. We will have more to talk about that way anyway. She now knows that we are going to see a taping of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. In case you are unfamiliar it is National Public Radio's ("NPR's News Quiz Show"). She is extremely excited. Tickets are actually difficult to get because they go so quickly when they become available. We have the "premium" seats so we don't have to worry about the general admission stuff. There are only 30 premium seats and I am not really sure if they are assigned seats or there is a smaller general admission fight for those 30 seats but, I bet most of the people who go to this are old (present company????) and I could take out a hip or two to get the Bob Uecker seats. The Ueker seats wouldn't be premium though would they? Unless you consider the ones he has at Miller Park - he has pretty great seats there.

Pam Dawber and Robin Williams together again? Until I read that I had forgotten that Mork had a new television show on CBS. I have liked him in several things but, I don't intend to watch "The Crazy Ones" just to see him making out with Mindy on an elevator. I just saw the entire scene on a clip on MSN Entertainment. I am guessing that is probably enough. He can be good and he can be bad. I would say mostly good though now that I think about it. I still will not watch this show.

I just took a break to go get some sushi. This is the third time I have had sushi since Saturday night. I never really liked sushi until I had it in Hawaii. They had one of those places where you sit at a "bar" (sushi bar I suppose) and there is a conveyor belt that goes around the big bar and you grab the plates you want as they go by and you get charged for the empty plates you have. Different colored plates were different prices. Sad that there is class distinction even in plates. It is technically called an "assembly line sushi bar." That may have been the first time I actually had sushi because it always sounded gross; eating raw fish... I was a sushi-ist. Now I LOVE SUSHI. I also really like soy sauce and wasabi and ginger. We were headed over to Hy-Vee (a grocery store believe it or not) to have sushi (I have not had theirs yet) but, as we were driving through town, we saw that Tapa La Luna was open with a parking spot right in front so we went there instead. I did not know they were open for lunch on Wednesdays. They even had live music while we ate. We have had their sushi before, as well as other things, and have always loved it. There and Fushi Yami here in town and Wok N Fire in St. Charles were the three I had this week. Of the three I would say Wok N Fire was the best. That also could have been the atmosphere and the people we were there with for dinner. The owner at Fushi Yami seems to be kind of a jerk but that could just be the language barrier. He is very stingy with the wasabi though. Is wasabi expensive? Ginger flows everywhere - I think that is just a root and they just peel it off like a potato. Is that what you do with all roots? Ginger, carrots, potatoes... Even the mini-series Roots peeled back the layers of my heart and mind. Sorry, just an ill attempt at just working Roots into the discussion.

Wasabi - like tiny green pineapples. YUM!

This morning when I got home I ate about two pounds of cole slaw. That was a great move because it cleaned me out nicely for sushi. They should use that before certain medical procedures. That was the only thing I had to eat for about 16 hours so maybe that had something to do with it.

I have to wrap-up because I see I have gotten carried away with my bloggering. I should get a few things done (laundry, painting...) because tomorrow will be cut short with going to Chacaaaago. I still have two of the regular seats if you want to go see Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Have a great rest of your day. If you are in my neck of the MIDDLEwest enjoy the weather we are having right now because it may snow any day the way it has been going so far. Thank you for reading me blog-on. I am not sure if I will blog tomorrow; I will let you know the ways I do. Make sure to "like" the Matt In The Middle Facebook page too. TTTT or F...MITM (out) TA!

Short and Sweet (ish)

What an exciting day! I just went to  several stores and the high school and it is 61 degrees and sunny. I took the Fiat and put the top down. The sky is my favorite color today. Some people would say it is sky blue and, technically, they are correct since it is the sky and it is blue but, I think it is more of a sea foam today.  The most exciting part was I got some new underwear. I haven't bought myself new unders in I don't know how long. My underwear, the last time I did the laundry, reminded of when I used to to the laundry growing up. Yes, I did most of the cooking and most of the laundry because my parents both worked. My dad's underwear was always torn and tattered. I guess that is one of those things that is inherited. I threw several pair (or is it pairs?) and I needed some replacements. I am a boxer brief kinda guy so that is what I bought.

I did self check-out. I usually do because it is much faster. I think self check-out was invented for several reasons. Of course, they save about eight checkers but I think it is also so we can purchase our embarassing things and not have to face people. Maybe dirty book stores would be more popular if they had self check-out.

I have to go into work tonight at 19:30 for some training. We all have to have this training. I am not sure how long the training is going to last but my regular shift begins at 22:00. I am going to be very tired. It is 15:00 right now. How am I supposed to sleep at three in the afternoon? Tonight is my Thursday so, mentally, that thought will help a little. It is paid overtime - another mental pump-up? Most of our lives are just convincing ourselves that we have to keep going. We are such drones. I just want to live on an island somewhere and catch and grow what I need to eat to survive. Why do I need all of the crap that I have? I have just let companies and governments tell me what I want and cannot live without. This world needs a shake-up.

I will probably just turn on Dirty Laundry Podcast and try to fall asleep. The hosts of that show have very soothing voices. I just received word from another musical artist that is going to let us play his music. I love "discovering" these aretists that have been around for severl years and helping spread their great music, It is a win - win - win I think. I am gonna set the alarms (yes, plural because I am a worry-wart) and try to sleep. Have a great night. Thanks a lot for hangin' for an abbreviated blog today. I will talk to you tomorrow if I wake up. TTTT...MITM (out). TA!

Is Everybody My Age or What?

I am kinda bummed today. A very funny person died and so did Mickey Rooney. John Pinette passed away. I have/had tickets to see him September 20th at Zanies in Rosemont. I sent him a message to see if we could get him on Dirty Laundry Podcast (kinda the same way we got to meet Emo Phillips and get him to do some drop-ins). I had not heard back from him - a simple "NO" would have been sufficient. This has got to be the most original way to get out of being on our show we have had so far. I know that is in poor taste but I bet he would have laughed. He was on the very last episode of Seinfeld; he was the guy who got mugged and the reason they all went to jail (Good Samaritan Law) - very old spoiler alert. Here's a link if you need your mind jiggled. He was just a year older than I am now. I am sad to see him go.

I mentioned Mickey Rooney - he also died. I think he was an a-hole. It is still sad to see him go (actually he is one of those ones that I thought was already dead). We used to watch those Andy Hardy films all the time and he was in Boys Town, of course. He was also the voice of Santa Claus in Santa Claus is Coming to Town that they show on television every Christmas. He played the Asian man (Mr. Yunioashi) in Breakfast at Tiffany's too (that wasn't too racist).Weird that he and Shirley Temple Black died so close apart since they were both very big child stars.

Pretty sure we were separated at birth

Rob Lowe is saying that there is an "unbelievable bias" against good-looking people like him. Are you kidding me? I hope Cha Cha doesn't hear about this one because I want to spring this one on her on the show. Rob Lowe is also my age - what the Hell is going on with everybody being the same age as me all of a sudden?(don't you hate when people say "all of the sudden?" - I hear that all the time) Guess what Rob - there has been an unbelievable bias against ugly people like me for forever. He says that people don't think that good-looking people can be in pain or be funny or have rough lives or be deep or interesting. Sounds like someone didn't get a role or two he wanted and has to blame it on something other than someone was better qualified for the part. I have always liked Rob Lowe. I would not say he is a very good actor but he is good-looking so he got a lot of roles that he and I were both up for over the years.

Who else my age is in the news right now? Incidentally, Mickey Rooney was a couple of years older than the rest if us in today's blog.

I am gonna hit the hay. I am really sleepy and I have to work in a few hours. Have a great night. Thanks a lot for listening to the podcast and for reading the blog. Two more days until Cha Cha and I head to Chi-Town for her surprise in the windy city. I think we may stop at Cooper's Hawk for dinner too. I still have those two tickets if you are looking for something different to do Thursday night. My email is matthelser1@gmail.com if you are interested (or at least want to know the detail). TTTT...MITM (out)

This Blog Has Everything!

I told you that I would blog today and I told you I was gonna have sushi for lunch today. So far I am batting 1.000. I also said I am working tonight and I will probably keep my streak alive by doing just that. I saidI would have Dirty Laundry Podcast finished and uploaded and, guess what? I did that too. I also went to Pier One Imports, picked up a chair and assembled that. By "assemble" I mean I attached the four legs to the botton using the 16 boys, washers and locking washers. I sure bet Charles Ingalls wished he had a power drill. Well, he didn't wish that because they didn't have them back then and, even if they had, he had no way to charge the battery without electricity. Maybe the water mill could have charged it huh? I can never say those three words (Pier One Imports) together in that order and not think of The Blues Brothers. If you are a MIDDLE-aged American you know what I am blogging about. I bet a lot of people know actually. I just Goggled "blues brothers pier one imports" out of curiosity and YouTube went right to the scene most of us are thinking about right now.

We wanted to get Jeff's hair fur trimmed and get his nail clipped. So, we took him with us to get the chair. Cha Cha called PetSmart to set up an appointment and when she told the person the dog's name on the phone the girl told her that he could only get an appointment as "an express." She told Cha Cha that Jeff causes a ruckus when he is there and intimidates the other dogs. Jeff is just playful and happy so we found that hard to believe but we said that we would just bring him in to get his nails clipped. When we got there we went to check in and the girl that Cha Cha had spoken to on the phone came to the desk and we told her what we wanted and who we were. She looked at Jeff and said, "that's not the dog I was thinking of." She said there must be another family whose last name starts with an "H" with a dog named Jeff. So, we were able to make an appointement so Jeff to get the full day spa treatment. That sure didn't sound like Jeff though he is spazzy at times (he's not even one year old yet). Jeff is a Border Collie and he looks like Martun Van Buren. I thought it would be nice to have those mutton chops trimmed. The guy asked if we were sure because "that is a charachteristic of the breed." They'll grow back, He is going to look a lot more like a wolf or a fox than he already does though.

Martin "Jeff" Buren

My Monday morning begins in five hours. I cannot wait. It looks like Tuesday I have to go in at 19:30. I have to get some clarification on that. I am all for overtime so, I will be happy to go though it does not sound like it is optional in this case. It looks like there are a couple of opportunities to work a couple of other OT shifts and I will check those out tonight. Maybe I will leave some for the people with less seniority than me - depends on several things.

I am going to end this now so I can get a few winks before work. I am on foot patrol tonight. I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight. I like my walking nights. I always see a lot of interesting creatures in the night; mostly mammals. Thanks a lot for stopping by. If you need more of me, why would you?, listen to the new show. I think it is better than last week's show. Have a great night and rest of your weekend. TTTMonday probably...MITM (out) TA!

Sushi and Bloody Marys

I am currently editing the podcast and it is almost impossible to do that and write this at the same time. I can do both but I am afraid Dirty Laundry Podcast will suffer. It is 16:06 right now and we are headed for dinner at WOK 'n FIRE in St. Charles for dinner. We are leaving at 16:30 so maybe I should just focus on this and finish the podcast later. I will probably get neither done in the next ten minutes and be able to get ready in time. I am at 52:24.164 on the podcast editing and the show is just over 68:00 as it shows right now. That may change with editing and adding clips... but, doing the quick math - I may as well end now. Both will suffer and I will beat myself up for rushing. I am going to end this now and get primped. It will seem like only moments and the podcast may be ready by the time I am back here and I can let you know to listen to the new show. behave yourself while I am away please!

WOK 'n FIRE was nice. I really like sushi and stir fry and they have both. That is about the third time I have been there and I have liked it every time. I made a beverage mistake in ordering the Dragon's Breath Bloody Mary. I love spicy, which this was, but I don't like the taste of cucumbers. This used cucumber vodka and I could really taste the cukes. I drank it but it wasn't very good. So, on the next round, I got a Alsolut Peppar bloody mary and requested blue cheese olives - perfect. The Swedes seem to know vodka.

I still have some editing to do on the show but I think I am going to finish that in the morning. I need quiet to do the editing and it is not available right now. I am kind of tired anyway so, a little sleep and then editing and uploading should only take about 30 minutes in the morning. The show will be better if I sleep first.

In 23 hours and 54 minutes I will be back at work but, who is counting? Just the thought of it makes me figgety.

I think I am going to have sushi for lunch tomorrow even if I have to go alone. Believe it or not there are several places to get sushi in the MIDDLE of these cornfield out here. I can think of six places right off the top of my head. Four of the six make it fresh right in front of you. Maybe it would be fresher if we were near the ocean (at least for the shrimp and crab and scallops and such) but, beside that fact, pretty fresh. One of my favorite part of sushi is wasabi. I love wasabi. It's like the Asian salsa. I love ginger too. And soy sauce. Sure can tell I am watching what I eat with allof these visions of sushi plums dancing in my blog. Did pretty well today food-wise. The bloody marys probably weren't the best choice but, whatevs. What if, instead of olives and all of the other crap they garnisg bloody marys with, they garnished bloody marys with sushi. A sushi mary (patent/copyright/trademark)! I seriously think I am onto something there. They put shrimp in some bloody marys - that is sort of sushi.

I am ging to go to bed. I can sleep as late as I want can. That means I will probably sleep until about 05:00. Then I will sleep a bit around 18:00 before going to work. Iwill try to fit blogging in tomorrow to let you know the show is ready. Thanks a lot for stopping in. I know I say that I appreciate you here every time I blog; that is because every time you stop by I appreciate it - sincerely. Have a great Friday night and I will talk and write at you tomorrow. TTTT///MITM (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzout) TA!

Yes, I Am a Moron

My friend Teri commented on yesterday's blog on Facebook and said, "Matt Helser, you are a brave soul." I remarked, "sometimes not being that bright appears to be bravery." I thought about that a lot over the night. Bravery comes from desperation or bad judgement or just a point where we say "I don't really care what people think" a lot of times and the situation ends up turning out right. If it turns out wrong it is just stupidity or insanity. Some that come to mind that involve desperation/frustration are Rosa Parks not giving up her seat. She had just had it and wasn't going to take it any longer; probably among the bravest things ever done. Helen Keller's entire life was greatness out of frustration/desperation. Galileo Galilei was a devout Catholic but when his discoveries put him at odds with the Church he chose imprisonment rather than denying his findings/views. Without his bravery and not caring what people think we would not have known about the Earth flying around the sun. He spent the end of his life under house arrest (bad judgement?). Joan of Arc, Nelson Mandela... How about Dorothy Gale melting the Wicked Witch of the West (even though that was just luck, it counts). How about when George Bailey stood up to Mr. Gower and got smacked in his sore ear? How about when King Mufasa saves Simba from the hyenas? Elliot getting E.T. back to his spaceship. Luke Skywalker ended up destroying the Death Star. Movies are full of these. Look what desperation and, bad judgement at times, drove William Wallace to do! I realize some of those were bad examples but, "forget it, he's rolling." I know the movie ones are nowhere near the real-life ones but they were inspired by the lessons the real heroes have taught us. William Wallace was a real dude though. And so was/is E.T., of course.

I set my phone down and heard Stevie Nicks singing Dreams. The phone went right to Pandora and the Fleetwood Mac station just started playing. I have not listened to Pandora on my phone for about 10 days. Is my phone trying to tell me that I should go see Fleetwood Mac when they come to Chicago? "Did Timmy fall down a well girl?" Now Sara (Live) is playing. Tickets for the Chicago show go on sale in four days. The phone is next to my computer and maybe they are getting together and trying to tell me to get them on Dirty Laundry Podcast? I have always tried to make things that are pure chance into karma or a sign from somewhere or someone. Is that just a way that my mind entertains itself? What it really is is that the last time I listened to Pandora ten days ago I probably listened to Fleetwood Mac and when I set it down I hit the button with my thumb or something and it started playing. I guess it wouldn't hurt anything to see if one of them (or all of them) would be willing to be on the show. The word I have heard most in my entire life is "NO" so one more from them wouldn't hurt anything. Now The Eagles are playing - maybe I need to get in touch with Joe Walsh too.

Today is Thursday and that means another night recording Dirty Laundry Podcast. Better yet, it means that it is my weekend. Even though it is quite a bit of work each week I still enjoy doing the show after three years. I am not sure what it is that I enjoy so much. Narcissism maybe? I do like to make people smile and think and I hope we do that from time to time. I like to feel that my degree in Communications is for something; I am communicating - tons of money well-spent. Maybe I really do just talk because I like the sound of my own voice after all. I still hope that one day the show will become something that will let me quit a job where I work with a bunch of morons. It has been quite a few years since I was the one people called "the moron" at work; I really miss those days.

I have to get dressed. This is my Friday night until 22:00 then my Saturday morning begins. So, I am still in my boxers (settle down ladies, unfortunately, there is plenty to go around). We are meeting Fabio for dinner. That sounds so weird. Probably at Applebee's. I am going to have salad and maybe not even drink; I need to lose weight. It sounds like we are going to both New York City and Key West this year and I need to look good in my thong (for Key West, not New York). The paparazzi will never leave me alone while am on vacation. I hate to see my fat gut in the tabloids. It's better to fly when you're thinner too I have discovered. A week from tonight we go to that place in Chicago that I have two extra tickets for that nobody wants to accompany two world-famous podcasters to. I guess you will have to hear about the time you missed on the podcast in a couple of weeks. I still do not want to say because Cha Cha has no idea where we are going. She is so unlike me - I would have ruined the surprise by now. Free tickets and free ride in, parking included.

Thanks a lot for letting me spout-off. Now I only have 15 minutes to shower and get dressed. What will I do with those extra eight minutes - it is so nice to be a guy (sorry ladies). Have a great night. I will blog again tomorrow while editing the show, most likely. Talk at you tomorrow. MITH (out) TA!