I'm Changing My Name to Scrooge McGrinch!

I am gonna start my blog now because I am in a really crabby mood and I seem to be more entertaining when I am blogging my tantrums. I may post it later but I am writing it starting now (10:12 AM).

This is only rape I condone -  Nougatory Rape

I went to donate plasma this morning, already in a crappy mood, and the lady who was processing me to see if I was worthy of donating wasn't doing her job right. She forgot to do like three of the six things she was supposed to do (weigh me, attach the blood pressure cuff to my arm, check my arms for bruising, run my fingers under the black light, whatever that is for). Then she gets done and my protein level was 5.8; the minimum to donate is 6.0. Why the hell do I eat those high-calorie protein bars if my protein is still too low? I cannot be convinced that protein bars are not more than Snickers on steroids.  I may stop donating plasma. It's not worth that much hassle to save all of humanity one person at a time. How does the herd get properly thinned if I keep trying to save everybody. If YOU need plasma or blood or a kidney or whatever call me directly and I will donate it to you directly. I don't even care if you take it from me in a bathtub full of ice in a hotel room in Vegas.

I hope Sugar Momma doesn't get his surgeon Monday

Sugar Momma had intended to go to work today but her plans changed when she woke up this morning and she couldn't stand up her back hurt so bad. I noticed she kept holding it last night while we were shopping. She thinks that it may be from all of the coughing and she wrenching her body with the deep coughs she was doing. This morning she said, "great...my whole body is giving out!" She has given me a couple of good quotes the past few days. Two or three days ago when she was probably at her lowest (the night I stayed up all night to make sure she was breathing) she said, "if I die tonight make sure that the kids both laugh at least once every day." That was a very nice wish, I thought. I imagine they wouldn't have been able to start for a couple of days because even though those were her wishes the kids would look pretty insensitive laughing at the funeral and visitation. Thank goodness we don't have to worry about that now. Her surgery is scheduled for Monday. Maybe we can laugh while she's in recovery 5 days before Christmas.

I think I might hate Christmas. I was in the hospital over Christmas exactly 30 years ago Friday. That same year my dad's mom (my grandmother, obviously) was in the hospital in Rockford with some problems with diabetes. My poor dad was running back and forth in snow-storms with his son and mom both in hospitals a couple of hours apart from one another. One of my favorite parts of that Christmas in the hospital was when I was totally high on hospital-administered morphine (that was not even the best part) when in the MIDDLE of the night three of my friends (they will always be the Three Wisemen to me): Scott Simpson, Brian Olson and Mike Bjork (there may have been more but I was higher than Mount Crumpet) snuck up to my room through the hospital emergency entrance - they were drunk (allegedly) and I was high (legally)...I will never forget them for that. I miss those dudes. That was my fondest Christmas memory...other than that, I think I hate Christmas. Ironic that my favorite Christmas memory was when I was in the hospital - that should tell you something.

What are you but a warped, frustrated MIDDLE man?

I may be the love child (or hate child is probably more appropriate) of Scrooge McDuck and the Grinch. I am Scrooge McGrinch - humbug!

I don't think I really hate Christmas I just like thinking I hate Christmas. I blogged you a day or two ago that I like family and friends being together and faking kindness this time of year. I have one more thing to like about this Christmas - Splenda will be home today. This is the end of the month Mattstruation isn't it? Maybe that's why I dislike Christmas...it always falls at the end of the month right in the wheel-house of my Mattsruation-cycle. Maybe that was the problem with Ebenezer Scrooge and Mr. Potter and the Grinch; we share our negative lunar cycles. My blog solves life-long mysteries and you are there to witness it as my therapist yet again. You do such a great job just sitting in that big old mamby pamby leather chair and bringing it out of me (TWSS). It's a Christmas miracle.

I may have just got some more bad Christmas news but I will blog about that tomorrow after I find out the details. I may write tomorrow's blog now and just save it for tomorrow before I cheer myself up too much. Most of you don't read weekend blogs anyway so I will lie and say that I am going to reveal some big news in tomorrow's blog and most of you won't know I was lying except that I told you I am lying...or am I? Do I like green eggs and tofu ham? Sure I do...or do I? Enough you goof...TTTT...Scrooge McGrinch humbuggin' out and goin' home.